From:downingc@webzone.net

Headline: Bush accepts reins

It seems odd that the republicans who artfully mastered a "witch hunt"
against President Clinton all the sudden want to heal wounds and end
partisanship when their candidate makes President. Let's run down a list of
a FEW of the things the democrats need to investigate.

1. The palestinian leadership claim the Bush campaign came to them last July and told them
not to accept any kind of agreement. Then one of our warships was attacked. Americans were killed!
Sounds like treason to me. Let's spend 50 million investigating!

2. A blast from the bast- the Reagan campaign (and George Sr.) did the same thing just before the
1980 election. George Sr. pardoned everyone before the American people could get "the truth".
George Sr. needs to be investigated for treason. Should only cost, say, $50 million.

3. Our new first lady has admitted on national TV that she got drunk and killed someone in a traffic accident.
Has she really grown up as she claims.  Let's spend say 50 million investigating.

4. Our new president as reportedly paid for the abortion of a 15 year old.
Statutory rape?
Let's be non-partisan and spend, say, 50 million investigating it.

5. Monica's blue dress has nothing on the "red panties" of one former nude model/stripper from Texas.
She alledges they quit their torrid afair (which included a sexual encounter in the hotel lobby bathroom
somewhere in Texas) when Dubya decided to run for president. How about wasting 50 million
investigating that one.

6. A criminal record which has been sealed by a judge appointed by W. Sr. to keep Jr.
from having an 'Honest" past. 50 million to investigate?

7. Why were there so many problems with counting votes in the state where Dubya Jr.s' brother is Gov?
I know, let's spend 50 million to investigate.
The fact is Clinton looks like a boy scout compared to the man that didn't get the majority and still got the whitehouse.

 Paul Begala Shoots the Bull

 The Man Who Got Fewer Votes than Al Gore spoke of two things yesterday:
 a looming energy crisis and a potential recession.  He's right.  Once Bush and Cheney
 get in our energy policy will be directed by Big Oil, and our economic policy by the folks
 who gave us the last Bush recession.  But no President ever inherited a Nation in better shape.

 While Bush Senior left Clinton with the highest budget deficit in history, the worst recession
 since the Great Depression, the highest welfare rolls in American history and the worst crime rate
 in American history, Clinton hands over the strongest, richest, freest country in world history.

 And yet despite all that he's inherited (and inheriting things they didn't earn has always been
 a Bush specialty), Bush is trying to set the expectations low.  But the presidency isn't a
 pre-debate spin room. It's the real thing.  And we really expect someone who's been given
 all this at least to not screw it up.  Bush often speaks of "the soft bigotry of low expectations."

 And yet it is low expectations that have allowed Bush to look successful.
 As Bush himself said of his debate performances, as long as he could show up
 and pronounce his own name, he was going to look like a winner.

 Bush has some tough choices ahead.  His right-wing base, led by fellow Texan Tom DeLay,
 believes conservative ideas are ascendant.  This despite the fact that Republicans lost seats
 in the Senate, lost seats in the House, lost seats in the state legislatures, and lost the presidential election.
 Other than losing at every level, it was a banner year for the GOP.

 ha ha

 Not only did Gore win, he would have whipped Bush
 but for the self-indulgent kamikaze campaign of Ralph Nader.

From: rwf2468@mindspring.com

Subject: Smirktunes

BC,

Loved the Dylan "Desolation Row" lyrics on the splash page.  Very appropriate.
I'd like to nominate another tune to be played on Inauguration Day.
It's Leonard Cohen's "Everybody Knows".

Written back in the waning years of Red-Ink Ronnie,
it somehow hits me as relevant all over again.

Everybody Knows
by Leonard Cohen
(co-written by Sharon Robinson)

Everybody knows that the dice are loaded
Everybody rolls with their fingers crossed
Everybody knows that the war is over
Everybody knows the good guys lost
Everybody knows the fight was fixed
The poor stay poor, the rich get rich
That's how it goes
Everybody knows
Everybody knows that the boat is leaking
Everybody knows that the captain lied
Everybody got this broken feeling
Like their father or their dog just died
Everybody talking to their pockets
Everybody wants a box of chocolates
And a long stem rose
Everybody knows
 

And everybody knows that it's now or never
Everybody knows that it's me or you
And everybody knows that you live forever
Ah when you've done a line or two
Everybody knows the deal is rotten
Old Black Joe's still pickin' cotton
For your ribbons and bows
And everybody knows
And everybody knows that the Plague is coming
Everybody knows that it's moving fast
Everybody knows that the naked man and woman
Are just a shining artifact of the past
Everybody knows the scene is dead
But there's gonna be a meter on your bed
That will disclose
What everybody knows
 

Kind of sums up my feelings these days.

Bob F.

 Great Soothsayer Quotes

"Come the millennium, month 12, In the home of greatest power,
 The village idiot will come forth To be acclaimed the leader.
                -- Nostradamus, 1555

 My Richard Pryor Box Set came today

 I'll do a special soon on the liner notes, but I've been reading the stories
 from show biz people of how Richard inspired them to be funnier.
 He has the opposite affect on me.

 I put on one of the CDs, and listening to Richard Pryor work doesn't inspire me,
 it reminds me how many galaxies their are between my "comedy" and his genius.

 Hell, after reading Betty Bowers I want to hang it up,
 so you can imagine the effect Pryor has on me.

 I'm sure that's a tribute to Pryor, that by comparison the others look so bad,
 but how do these people get inspiration from him?

 God,  I feel so worthless...

 I had no idea The Clash was so popular.

 Going by my mail, The Clash was more influential than Led Zeppelin or U2.
 I won't go on and on, but let me finish just that one song, The Magnificent Seven.

Luther King and Mahatma Gandhi
Went to the park to check on the game
But they was murdered by the other team
Who went on to win 50-nil

You can be true, you can be false
You be given the same reward
Socrates and Milhous Nixon
Both went the same way - through the kitchen

Plato the Greek or Rin Tin Tin
Who's more famous to the billion millions?
News Flash: Vacuum Cleaner Sucks Up Budgie
Oooohh...bub-bye

Magnificence!!

From: CNN.com

Bush, who secured the Electoral College majority
required to be the 43rd president Monday,
lost the nation's popular vote to Gore by 539,897 votes,
according to a final vote tally compiled by a
nonpartisan research group from state reports.

 From: Skip1005@aol.com

 Subject: Tequila  (THAT should get your attention...)

 Bossman -

 Thanks for the mention in the Latest, but as the man said,
 "It's too late to agree with me, I've already changed my mind."

 I'm now a Chinaco convert, dude.
 I tried it (finally, for the first time) a couple of months ago, and bless your
 skeevy little heart if you haven't been right all this time.  DAMN, that's nice stuff.

 Also...  I did a seminar some time back for a company here in Southern California
 that's basically a wholesaler for grocery stores that cater to the Hispanic market,
 and THESE guys KNOW their tequila (at least, it *sounds* like they do...).
 They gave me a list of what THEY consider to be the best tequilas around.

 I haven't tried any of these, yet... but they're on my list of things to do before I die.
 Here we go...

     1.  Siete Leguos  (That means "seven legs" -  probably what you feel like you've got
          after a few shots).  Hardest to find - but they said it was awesome.
     2. Cazador    They said this was relatively inexpensive and excellent.
     3. Gran Centenario and
     4. Don Julio

 I don't know.... those last two sound dangerous.

 They also said that, if you ever go to Cancun (which I haven't.  Insert heavy sigh here),
 be sure to check out a place called La Distillaria.  They didn't go into a lot of detail,
 but said it was a Mecca for the SERIOUS tequila afficianado.

 Anyway, let me know if you know anything about 'em.

 Your loyal minion,

 Skip Tucker
 

 Skip,
 I've had the Don Julio.

 Not bad, like a Herradura or Patron.
 I'll look for those others.

 Do you agree with TIME Magazine that
 the unqualified Smirk should be the Man of the Year?

 Here's your chance to vote against TIME's whore pick:

 http://www.time.com/time/daily/poll/0%2C2637%2Cpoyagree%2C00.html

 So far, he's losing 60/40, but the Supreme Court will probably step in
 and award all the votes to their boy.

 Forwarded by: Tamara Baker

 Ediotr's Note:
 This e-mail came in more mangled than a single mom on the phone with Laura the Unloved.
 I have done my best to fill in the blanks with what I believe the author intended.

 Did you see this story a few days ago?
 Man Arrested with Guns near Smirk "ranch" in Texas

Although far from being the subject of the arrest, this story reminds us of a point seldom made.
That point being: Bush?  A rancher??  Horseshit!!

The whole thing of his buying a ranch in the midst of his group's grasp for the Oval Office has been
one of the most ridiculous (and overlooked ploys) in the Repugs book of tricks.  Why in the world
would he buy a ranch now when his Dad's business-above-people pals have invested hundreds of
millions of  his dollars to move him to Washington.  And why hasn't the press leaped onto this
one with all of their claws?  Even the honest media has overlooked it.

(Honest media? ha ha What year was this written?)

The ranch thing was obviously done for image.  Nothing more.
After all, look what it did for Lyndon Johnson, who really and truly did grow up in tiny
Johnson City near his family's sizable ranch in the Hill Country.

Like Dan Quayle is no John Kennedy, George W. Bush is  no Roy Rogers or Gene Autry.
Heck, he doesn't even measure up to the bootstraps of Gabby Hayes.
.
Bush is a refurbished playboy who has been put under tight control by his Dad who wanted to see
one of his sons become the  --------- (I just can't say the word)  as an ego trip for papa and mamaw.

Look at the things we know about the shrub (the party boy, the drinker, the drug user, the bad record,
the officially charged and fined S&L ripoff violater, the AWOLee of the century during wartime,
the spoiled son who got away with a Dallas baseball rip because his dad was (that word again),
the election cheat -- all of these and more things everyone has a right to question and say
(UNTIL Smirk denies and proves any or all of them wrong).

How can anyone with a conscience feel we have a legitimate (that word) until
these questions are answered TRUTHFULLY??
 

The whore press let Smirk get away with this phoney image-projection.
All year, they reminded us that Al Gore grew up in DC's finest hotels while portraying
Smirk as the son of Tom Barkley, willing to dig fence posts and work the North Range.

The press played Smirk's game, and they continue to strangle us with lies and half-truths.

...and the Democrats refuse to fight back.

 From: edvoves@infi.net

 Subject: A funny

 I said to the husband,
 "How can I enjoy Christmas when we live in a neo- fascist  country?

And he said it was a test of Spirit.
"After all the first Christmas was in one too."

true!

HAHA!

Annie

 So Smirk's on the radio today, lying his ass off before he even gets in office.

 "We need to pass my tax cut, because the poor people in this country
  are trying to claw their way into the middle class," he said

 Liar!

 You don't give a rat's ass about the poor people.
 If you or your party cared about the poor people, you'd be proposing a big tax cut
 for every working family making less than $100,000 a year,

 But that's not what you're doing, is it, Smirky?
 You're doing what your father called "Voodoo economics."
 You're giving the billionaires a windfall on the proven-wrong theory that they might leave
 a two-dollar tip instead of a one-dollar tip the next time they spend $400 on dinner.
 According to you and your fight-the-minimum-wage-at-all-costs puppetmasters,
 that waitress doesn't deserve a tax break, but Gates, Perot and the Wily Brothers do?

 And if Al Gore had any intention of winning, he would've asked you in the debates,
 "Do you agree with your father that Reagan's trickle-down horseshit is voodoo economics?"

 You see the box that liar would've found himself in?
 He can't say, "My father never said that," because he did and everybody knows it.
 He can't say, "This tax cut is different,"because:
  A - he'd be saying his tax cut was better than Saint Ronnie's,
        which won't fly with the McVeigh wing of the GOP, and
  B - he'd have to be able to explain his tax cut, and all he knows is what Rove told him.

 There are at least a dozen questions that Smirk would be unable to answer,
 but for some reason, Gore never asked them.  He refused to fight.

Rove: Things will be better, now that I am president.
           Whoops, I'm sorry, Sir, you should say that.

Smirk: Say what?

Rove:  'I am the president.'

Smirk: You are?

Rove:  No, you say that.

Smirk: Say what?

Rove: 'I am the president.'

Smirk: You are?

Rove:  No, you say that!

Smirk: Say what?

Rove: 'I AM THE PRESIDENT!'

Smirk: You are?

Alyssa Milano turns 28 today.

 I understand the PR nightmare of denying Smirk the presidency long-term,
 but what is this  horseshit  I keep hearing from top Democrats that,
 "Bush is the legitimate president and we pledge our cooperation."

 When Clinton won by a comparative landslide in 1992 and 1996,
 did a single Republican say he was legit and pledge cooperation?

 No, that didn't happen, so why are we caving in again?

 Why are the winners of the popular vote bending over for the President-Select?

 Why are we caving in again?

 Are the Democrats going to give this thief a honeymoon?
 All he deserves is a good, hard screwing, but if I know the Democrats,
 they're going to make nice with the thief, and that pisses me off.

 Why are we caving in again?

 If the Democrats continue to do what's good for the country,
 and the Republicans continue to do what's best for Republicans,
 well, I started to say we'll lose everything but we already fucking have.

 So why are we caving in again?

 When are we going to start fighting back?
 In 2004?
 In 2008?

 Maybe we should just let Scalia pick the next eight Justices,
 wouldn't that help the GOP on their march to build up their reich?
 Gee, that sure would save us a lot of timew and expense in November 2004.
 I mean, why bother to vote if we're just going to roll over for them?

 Why are we caving in again?

 Isn't anybody else sick of the Democrats caving in?
 Is Senator Clinton the only fighter we have left?
 Somebody need to teach these wishy-washy, mealy-mouthed Democrats
 how to fight again, because right now they don't have a clue.
 Even staring at Clinton's blueprints from '92 and '96,
 Al Gore couldn't figure out how to wage a campaign.

 "Goddamn it! If we had a wartime consiglieri
   -- a Sicilian -- we wouldn't be in this shape!"
              -- Sonny Corleone,

 We've got to make Bill the head of the DNC.

 Do we have a choice?

 Today in History

On Dec. 19, 1998: President Clinton was impeached by the cock-crazed,
whites-only, religiously-insane, story-fabricating, secretary-screwing tobacco whores.
The excuses they cited for the willing whore press were "perjury and obstruction of justice,"
which was a cover-up for their efforts to reverse the results of the 1996 election.

Having learned that it's difficult to impeach an elected president, the sons of bitches
decided to simply fix the election of 2000, thereby saving them time and money.

...and they got away with it because the Democrats refused to fight.

Elizabeth Hurley fined by SAG

LOS ANGELES  - Elizabeth Hurley has been fined $100,000 by the Screen Actors Guild
for filming an Estee Lauder commercial during the strike against commercial advertisers.
The actress and model said she wasn't aware of the strike, because foreign actors never received
official strike notices because they were mailed with insufficient postage.
"Although I am deeply disappointed that the trial board disregarded the evidence showing that I
never received notice of the strike, I will abide by their decision," she said.

Hurley said she found it strange that "Mr. Perfect" Tiger Woods, who filmed a commercial
for a car he wouldn't been seen driving in dead, was fined only $50,000 and child sex-star
Britney Spears was not fined for filming a McDonald's commercial.

A SAG trial board found Woods guilty in November of being a "scab" during the strike.
Woods was fined $100,000 for violating SAG's Rule One, which prohibits members from
performing struck work during a strike. Sources said half of the $100,000 fine has been suspended.
Woods was required to apologize upon completion of the SAG member trial board proceedings.

 One of my many non-talents is economic history. (W/Update)
 One of my favorite groups was The Clash.

 In 1979, Rolling Stone said The Clash was "rock's last hope,"
 so I bought  their new album and I really liked what I heard.
 Like with Dennis Miller, they were over my head with their references
 and anti-something lyrics, but I got off on the energy and the attitude.

 Anyway, maybe someone with a working knowledge of
 economic history can explain these lyrics to me.
 I'm sure it's a joke, I just don't get it.

 This is from The Magnificent Seven - a damn great song:

 Karlo Marx and Fredrich Engels
 Came to the checkout at the 7-11
 Marx was skint - but he had sense
 Engels lent him the necessary pence.

 I'll bet that's a pretty good pun, and I know Marx and Engels,
 but I can't tell you why the joke is funny.

 Help me out...

I hate it when I get what I ask for:
 

From: deezm99@hotmail.com

Subject: Clash and Engels

You wrote:

>Anyway, maybe someone with a working knowledge of
>economic history can explain these lyrics to me.
>I'm sure it's a joke, I just don't get it.

>This is from The Magnificent Seven - a damn great song:

>Karlo Marx and Fredrich Engels
>Came to the checkout at the 7-11
>Marx was skint - but he had sense
>Engels lent him the necessary pence.

>I'll bet that's a pretty good pun, and I know Marx and Engels,
>but I can't tell you why the joke is funny.

Marx was piss-poor all his adult life, because like you he spent all his time writing
anti-conservative diatribes. Engels was a rich boy who liked to piss off the conservatives.
(He was a better writer than Marx, but Karl could think better).

All his life, Marx bummed off Engels, and Engels never stopped writing the checks.
(wipe the drool off your chest, Barty)

"skint" is English slang for "broke/penniless"
And I have no idea why you think the joke is funny :)

Diarmuid
 

Diarmuid,
Thanks for not getting all snippy with me.

By the way, you any good in a debate?
Lemme know, I have the Australian Rottweiller Thursday,
but my Friday is open, should I be victorious.

Another explanation:

From: skisics@yahoo.com

>Marx was skint - but he had sense
>Engels lent him the necessary pence.

(Marx didn't have a cent.
 But he had sense, instead of cents, by letting Engels take care of it.
 The humor really is in two 'communists' needing to operate in a 'capitalist' world,
 represented by the 7-11.)

ha ha

See, Diarmuid?
That's kinda funny, isn't it?

From: William_Aston-Reese@ScotiaCapital.com

Another explanation:

>Karlo Marx and Fredrich Engels
(speaks for itself)

>Came to the checkout at the 7-11
(7-11's migrated to England years ago and are found in what Marx would consider "bourgeoisie" areas.)

>Marx was skint - but he had sense
(Skint means "broke."  In this case it is most likely a reference to the fact that Marx, while a
brilliant observer and political commentator couldn't write for shit - geez, am I allowed to say that
now that you are a "family" website?)

ha ha

>Engels lent him the necessary pence.
(Engles was Marx's ghostwriter.)

It is an interesting metaphor/commentary/observation.
I share your enthusiasm for The Clash.  I believe that the album (that word dates me)
London Calling has withstood the test of time.

Regards,
war

War, London calling is surely one of the greats!
Guns of Brixton,
London Calling,
The Clampdown,
Train in Vain (Stay or Go)

<heavy Al Gore sigh>

That was before fake-breasted children took over the music business.

 Rarely does the vulgar Pigboy say something that I agree with,
 but he did today and hurt himself in the process.

 Some caller mentioned that, unlike Carter and Mondale, Gore did not lose in a landslide.
 (I know he didn't lose, but he's not president, so he lost.)

 Rush said, "Gore did lose in a landslide, considering  how big he should have won."
 That may be the truest statement Rush has ever made.

 Gore should've won every state but Texas, Carolina and Massabama, but he refused to fight.
 I have no personal animosity towards Gore, but I get the heebie-jeebies when people start
 talking about another Gore run in 2004. I mean, if he didn't want it bad enough to fight for it
 this year, what makes us think he'll change his attitude in 2004?

 Whoever runs in 2004 should insist on a free-wheeling debate.
 No rules, no time limits, no crowd and above all, above everything - fuck the press.
 Smirk and Hillary should be alone in a room with one robotic camera.

 If they can't come up with questions to ask each other, they should withdraw.
 It's hard to pick out Gore's biggest mistake, but asking the stinking whore press to
 moderate or ask the dumbest goddamn questions in the world must rank right near the top.

 I know Hillary can handle this kind of debate, and I know Smirk can't.
 If Smirk refuses to debate this way, we have the Chicken Man follow his yellow ass
 everywhere and we'll just shame the brainless moron into caving in.

 The only flaw I can see in the plan is no matter who really wins, the whore press will say
 "I'm so impressed with Smirk's command of the issues," like that idiot-slut Bob Schieffer
 said after Smirk stammered and convulsed his way into every press whore's heart.

 If I had a staff or the time, I'd get those debate tapes out and string together every,
 "I thought I already answered that question,"
 "I'd like to answer that, but isn't it time for a new question?"
 "If that's what I said, then I'm for it, but if it's not, I'm not."
 "It's about leadership, I can lead, Texas is big, I can lead with leadership."

 ...and the press ate that shit up with a Pigboy-sized spoon.

 "Bush is so normal, so relaxed, so friendly, so issues-oriented,"
 the press said in unison, making me fucking gag.

 So, remember. We don't dislike Gore, we just want to see someone run
 who wants to win and let's keep the press kept as far away as possible.

 Bless her heart, Mrs. BartCop got her Christmas bonus and said she'd throw some my way,
 and what did I want to do with it?

 There's no better use for money than purchasing fine, luxury tequila.
 So I was able to conduct a not-quite Taqueria Canonita-style tasting.
 I learned a few things.

 Obviously, you need the Chinaco Anejo there to set the standard.
 I can't wait for the day when I find a tequila that tastes better than Chinaco.
 That will be a fine day, indeed, unless the new champ is that $250 a bottle stuff.
 Oh, and I know one fellow who's not going to like the results - my friend Skip1005.

 All of these brands cost about the same, under $40 here in K-Drag.
 Here are the brands that were tested:

   The Lapis Anejo - Very smooth, like butta. Has a butta-ry aftertaste.
 Sometimes butta is good, and sometimes butta is bad. In this case, it works.
 The ads say it has a vanilla flavor, but maybe it tasted like buttascotch, instead of butta.
 It tasted better in Santa Fe when it just had one competitor.
 Ranking: Of the five tested, Lapis came in Number 3.
 Honorable mention: Killer colbalt-blue bottle.
 Bottle drawback: Time consuming hold-up-to-light-to-see-how-much-left inventory check
 is a real impediment to a busy guy like your Ediotr.
 

 ......
Sauza's Tres Generaciones - Made by Tommy and Harry Hornitos.
Once heralded as "almost as good as Chinaco" on these pages, the Tres took the
biggest dive,. Like a lot of tequilas, the Tres tastes great
if you sit down and do a few shots of it by itself, or with dinner
But when you line it up against some of the biggest names in tequila,
it fails to hold it's own, at least when using these partcular brand names as competition.
Ranking: a very non-respectable Number Five
Honorable mention: Comes in cool cardboard box with pictures of the Sauza family.
Bottle drawback: That lie I just told about the loser box.

......
   Herradura Anejo - Herradura and Patron are probably the two most stocked
 of the fine luxuries in the uppity, snooty tequila bars and restaurants I've been in.
 Herradura, in a nutshell, is overrated. It's got a half-sour kind of taste.
 Don't get me wrong, there's not a bad tequila on this list. But when you taste another
 tequila, then taste Herradura, the difference is not subtle.
 Ranking: Number Four. It almost tied for loser, but the margarita saved it.
 Honorable mention: Strangely, seems to work extra well when mixed.
 I'd guess the smoother tequilas get buried in the mix - unless you make 'em real strong.
 That sour taste may somehow compliment the tartness of the margarita mix.
 Biggest drawback: Cheap-ass, screw-on plastic top makes it seem like a 2-liter of Pepsi.

   Chinaco Anejo - Spring and sunshine in a bottle.
 Ranking: Undisputed Champ
 Honorable mention: Koresh, I love that taste.
 Biggest drawback: Don't forget this fact, you can't get it back.

   Tenoch Reposado - the surprise of the test. Koresh forbid, if there is an interruption
 in the Chinaco production, this could make life worth living. It's the closest to Chinaco Anejo
 that I've found - and it's a Reposado! Go figure!
 It really tasted good, but I didn't have any nipples tingling like Pam's husband got.
 I remember trying Tenoch in the summer of 99, but that was in my gulping days
 and I couldn't tell much about the taste that way.  A salute to Tenoch Reposado!
 It came in Number Two, which is really the best you can get, next to the champ
 Honorable mention: Man, is that a bottle, or what?
 Biggest drawback: Time consuming hold-up-to-light-to-see-how-much-left inventory check

 Maybe my boss will break off a Christmas bonus and we can do further research.
 I guess next time we'll have the Chinaco and the Tenoch up against three others.

 ..and remember, I'm doing this for you, the reader.

 Read the  Previous Issue
 It was full of partisan, left-wing hooey.
 

 Go Home to  bartcop.com
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

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