Today's  Bonus Issue

 Have you heard the latest on Traficant?

 They found crop circles in his hair!

 Traficant says he has "no memory" of how they got there.
 Better still, they determined that the crop circles spell out a message.

 "I will not resign."

 San Francisco puts growing pot on the ballot

  Click  Here

 In a move toward making San Francisco the first city to defy openly the federal ban
 on growing marijuana for any reason, the Board of Supervisors approved a ballot measure
 on Monday that would explore growing marijuana on public property as a way around the
 Federal Drug Enforcement Administration's continual closing of medical marijuana clubs.

 I'd rather move to Las Vegas, but San Francisco is nice, too.


 Subject: Proof You Lie

You wrote yesterday:

> Quotes

> "Are there any queers in the theater tonight?
> Get them up against the wall!
> There's one in the spotlight,
> he don't look right to me,
> Get him up against the wall!

> That one looks Jewish! And that one's a coon!
> Who let all of this riff-raff into the room?
> There's one smoking a joint, And another with spots!
> If I had my way, I'd have all of you shot!"
>   --Field Marshall Ashcroft, fighting terra

Remember when the recently completed University study of political websites
showed your accuracy was rated dead last and Rush Limbaugh's was rated No. 1?
This is an example of your untrustworthiness and deceit.

Michael J. Fruitbat

ha ha
Is this a gag?
Nobody can be this stupid - can they?

Artie, is that you?

That's not a lie, it's a joke.
All the smart people recognize those words from Pink Floyd's The Wall.

What kind of ignoramous takes a joke like that seriously?
An ignoramous named Mike Fruitbat?

ha ha

Ladies need hammers, too.


"I took all my money out of the stock market last week, I was smart.
  But then over the weekend I bet it all on Tiger Woods."

 This Just In...

 Looks like BartFest II is going to be at Fud's house in Hawaii in May, 2003.
 Compared to Hawaii, think how much cheaper going to BartFest in Vegas is...
 September 28th - get your tickets now!

`The Osbournes' By The Numbers

How many curses are bleeped out of a typical half-hour episode of "The Osbournes?"
A bleeping lot.  New York-based writers David Katz and Michael Robin have counted every
Osbourne cuss on the MTV series and say each 30-minute program contains at least 50 swears.

The grand prize winner for profanity is the heavy metal family's Christmas episode, "Deck The Hells,"
where Ozzy, Sharon, Kelly and Jack spew forth 78 swears during their holiday bickering.

The runner-up is the show where nanny Melinda rats out Jack's late night partying to his parents and he
snaps back with several repetitions of "f**k you, Melinda." Grand total of bleeps in that episode: 72.

Finally, the infamous episode where the Osbournes' pets run wild -- pooping, peeing and
puking in the house -- comes in at No. 3 with 70 swears.

Katz and Robin share their total cuss count in their upcoming book,
"The Osbournes: The Unauthorized !@#$-ing True Story Of The Osbourne Family" (Andrews McMeel).

Note to the President

  Click  Here

 Please, please, please stop trying to reassure Americans about the economy.
 You probably haven't noticed this, but every time you give a speech or comment
 about the economy, the market plunges like an anesthetized pigeon.


"President Bush is selling super computers to China,
 computers that even Bill Clinton refused to sell to China,
 and that's another reason for his falling approval numbers."
   --Rush sub-Nazi Roger Hedgehog, first hour Wednesday, swear to Koresh

 Six Little Words
    by Molly Ivins
  Click  Here

 Now connect the dag-nabbit, bobberty-doggin' dots here. This is not a business scandal.
 WorldCom is not just a corporate failure. This is about government. The government of this
 country has been bought by campaign contributions from corporate special interests. This is about
 the nexus between big corporations and government, the American keiretsu, the Establishment.

Subject: Re:  Photos of our president and chimpanzees

Dear Bartcop,
     I'm writing to ask you to please stop showing those photos of our
president with chimpanzees.  I find it very insulting and undignified, and for me
personally it brings back painful memories of a time when I had to work in
close proximity with one of his daddy's good pals, Ronald Regan.

  Thank you in advance for taking this into consideration.
  I must go now, as it's my bedtime,

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