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Volume 1016 - Scratch Clinic

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 Monday    March 10, 2003 


"I'm not saying that George W. Bush shouldn't be allowed to kill as many people as he wants.
 After all he is the unelected leader of the most powerful country on earth, so if he can't do anything he likes, who can?
 And, in the years to come, we can confidently look forward to a lot more killing all over the world - certainly a lot more
 than ever Saddam Hussein managed in his own country."
    --Terry Jones, Bush goes for the kill,


 Russia warns of veto March 17 deadline
 "Soul mate" Putin wants to avoid BFEE price-gouging on oil

  Click  Here

 Foreign Minster Igor Ivanov warned Monday the Kremlin would vote against the U.S. and British
 resolution that gives Saddam Hussein a March 17 deadline to disarm, news agencies reported.
 This marks the first time that Russia has explicitly said it would vote against the resolution before
 the U.N. Security Council, but Ivanov did not use the word veto.

 Within the council, if a majority of the 15 members vote "no," Russia's "no" would not be a veto.
 If a majority vote "yes," Russia or another of the five permanent council members has the power
 to veto the decision thereby blocking any chance of its passage.

 In other news, Texas is preparing to execute it's 300th victim since 1982.  I'll bet Smirk wishes he'd
 stayed in the killing fields of Austin where he could happyily murder black men and not gotten involved
 in Daddy's and Unka Dick's plans to take over the world.


"Americans, and indeed our foreign allies who actively work against our military
  once the war is underway, will be considered enemies of the state by me."
    -- Bill O'Reilly, Secretary of Pompous Ass

 The Xanax Cowboy
   by Maureen Dowd - She hates everybody, this time it's President Stupid

  Click  Here

"We are scared of the world now, and the world is scared of us. Bush officials...want a spectacular show of American
 invincibility to make the wicked and the wayward think twice before crossing us. Of course, our plan to sack Saddam
 has not cowed the North Koreans and Iranians, who are scrambling to get nukes to cow us. It still confuses many
 Americans that, in a world full of vicious slimeballs, we're about to bomb one that didn't attack us on 9/11 (like Osama);
 that isn't intercepting our planes (like North Korea); that isn't financing Al Qaeda (like Saudi Arabia); that isn't home to
 Osama and his lieutenants (like Pakistan); that isn't a host body for terrorists (like Iran, Lebanon and Syria)."


"Thursday, Bush made a speech in prime-time when most people are watching "Friends.Ē
  Most people didnít notice because Bush reminds them of Joey."

 Comedian George Miller dies of leukemia
 Had more appearances on Dave than any other comic

  Click  Here

"George was my oldest friend, and one of the funniest people I ever knew," Letterman said in a statement.
"We are all very sad that he is gone."

 Miller and Letterman met in Los Angeles in the early 1970s when both were emerging comics
 He came to Los Angeles in the late 1960s and performed in clubs in Santa Monica and Pasadena before
 getting gigs at the Comedy Store in Hollywood.  After a 1979 labor dispute, he moved on to the Improv on
 Melrose Avenue and the Laugh Factory on Sunset Boulevard, where he continued to perform regularly.

 I always kinda liked George Miller.
 He was never that funny, he was never an "A-list" comedian, but he always put Dave in a great mood,
 and that always meant a great show.  Miller would do a joke - it would bomb, and the studio audience
 would remain as silent as a Senate Democrat during Eichmann's confirmation to the Supreme Court.
 Then Dave would say something mean to him, proving that that were really close friends.

 Poor Dave has had a rough last-couple of years. His stalker killed herself (You stalkers, that's how it's done),
 he had his "massive heart attack," he lost the Foul-Mouthed Library Lady, then he helped us thru September 11.
 Next he found out Warren Zevon, who acted as Paul's stand-in when he couldn't make it, was dying
 (one of his best hours) and now he loses his old buddy George Miller to leukemia at age 61.

 ...and just to prepare for the inevitable, I think Dave's mom is 84.
 She may yet still outlive all of us, but odds are Dave has another really tough public moment to get thru.
 I remember when Leno lost his parents 30 days apart. He was OK during the show, but then closed
 with a really emotional comedy bit about how much he was going to miss them.

 Hang in there, Dave.
 The alternative to losing your friends and loved ones is even worse.

 Subject: Bart cop the Movie...

 Dear Bart,
 My name is zagnut.
 I Have posted my thoughts for "Bartcop the Movie" in the Backroom of the BC Forum. I made a commitment
 to myself the day the partisan Supreme Court appointed the dolt that now occupies the White House, that I would
 try to do something everyday to aid in the goal of seeing this jerk thrown out of office in the next presidential election
 or sooner if possible. Your continued efforts and keen sense of humor and those who I have come to know on the
 BC Forum have become my greatest source for information towards that commitment of reclaiming our country back
 from the regime this is now in charge.

 Before I proceed further and go looking for funds to support the film and write  a proposal, I want to know if you would
 support the making of this film and would be willing to be interviewed. Several people from the Forum have already offered
 advice and expressed their willingness to appear if asked. I think the  success of "Bowling for Columbine" shows there is a
 great silent majority in America that is wanting to hear from other Americans and how they feel about what needs to change
 for the sake and survival of our great country. There is no greater collection of talented writers, activists and dedicated
 citizens than those who have become the community of the BC Forum in my opinion. I believe no other group would be
 able to express their views on the issues of the day any better as well. I'm so angry seeing so many people being labeled
 a traitor or un-American these days that I want to show what true patriots look like and what they are doing out on
 concern for a brighter future for our home and the world at large. I look forward to hearing your thoughts on the project
 and thanks for all the tireless effort you put in to keep Bartcop alive and kicking.

 Zag, maybe we could get my good friend Ben Affleck to star in the BartCop movie, instead?

 Just kidding. I don't know what to say other than the first thing that popped into my head is how bad
 it would be to have a measure of fame and still be broke, kinda like Julie and Susan.

 When Oliver North started getting famous, he stole money from the government to install a security system
 and an electronic gate on his estate to warn him about possible pending attacks. We get the occasional
 death threat here at  so I'd hate to get any "bigger" until I can afford some security.

 Let me think some more about it, but I have a basic rule:
 I never say "No," until I hear the details of the deal :)

 How guilty is Robert Blake?

 Maybe I just missed it, but I haven't seen any e-mail that says,
 "Yes Bart, I'd love to be point man for the Blake circus."
 Maybe it would work best to contact Christian...

 Maybe I'm the only one who cares, but I just can't keep up.

Christian if you're the person we're looking for.


"Bush is continuing to get advice on finding a staging area for our troops.
  Today he called the Turkey Hotline."
      -- Leno

 I placed my order from South's Finest Chocolate last week.
 Three days later the UPS man rang the doorbell at BartCop Manor.

 Mmmmmm,'s like Meg Ryan in When Harry met Sally.

 Don't wait until July to think, "I should order some of that killer chocolate."

 Dial  865-522-2049  to order your chocogasm while it's still cool..

 Subject: ditto heads & liberal media

 Read your article.  Was looking for and Exhibit B.
 However, there is not an Exhibit B.

 You're right.
 It's hard to find a liberal on the networks...


 Ben, it's gottem worse since I wrote that.
 NBC was honest enough to put in print that people like Donahue (read: anti-Smirk)
 are not the image the network wants to put forward at this time.

 That means ONLY ditto-monkey Bush worshippers need apply.

So that's where Rush and FOX News have been getting their talking points...

 Subject: Bush Fails Oral Exams


 Every time I see G.W. having to "Think" on his feet, stammering, unable to maintain a train of thought
 without derailments while answering softball questions (questions that would have been knocked out of the park
 by anyone with an IQ of 64 or greater), I keep getting the distinct feeling that I've seen this behavior before.

 It's exactly the way some of my middle school and high school students talk when they're
 bullshiting through an oral report (and my follow up questions).  The only difference is that
 I give kids a good grilling when it happens so they learn to come prepared the next time.
 Bush has the luxury of sidelining good teachers like Helen Thomas who call his bluff.


 John, good observation.
 When Bush is asked a question, he always gives the same, general, generic answer:
 "Saddam is evil, he has not disarmed, we will disarm him."

 He gives that answer no matter what the question is because he's a goddamn monkey
 and he has no brain, so they limit him to the four sentences he can memorize with Condi's help.

 How sad it is to go from an elected genius to a cowardly, theif and simplistic moron.

 Fascist Groove Thang  as seen on

  Click  Here

  They do great work over there.

 Subject: Saddam Not Connected To Attacks Of 9/11

 Bush has not made a strong and convincing case that Saddam is deeply involved in Al Qaeda or to 9/11.
 Their evidence is weak at best. It certainly does not carry the evidentiary weight necessary to convince the
 world that an attack of the magnitude of "Shock and Awe" against the people of Iraq is warranted.

 Jim in Rochester, MI

 Jim, well put.
 I don't have the exact numbers (I need a staff) but a poll was taken and I think 67 percent said Iraqi
 nationals hijacked those planes on September 11th because Bush keeps repeating "Saddam the terrorist."

 It's all a shell game.
"Don't look at the economy or your missing life savings or bin Laden's empty jail cell.
  Keep your eye on the deadly Iraqi threat, and George the Great will save us with his toughness."

 So far, America is falling for it.
 Too bad the press won't print the damn truth.

 A think tank war: Why old Europe says no

  Click  Here

 Across the world critics of President Bush are convinced that a second Gulf War is actually about replacing Saddam,
 whether the dictator is involved with WMD or not. "It's not about his WMD," writes the German born Israeli peace
 campaigner, Uri Avnery, "its purely a war about world domination, in business, politics, defence and culture".

 There are real models for this. They were already under development by far right Think Tanks in the 1990s,
 organisations in which cold-war warriors from the inner circle of the secret services, from evangelical churches,
 from weapons corporations and oil companies forged shocking plans for a new world order.

 In the plans of these hawks a doctrine of "might is right" would operate, and the mightiest of course would be
 the last superpower, America.

 How to tell if your movie sucks
 Foolproof handicapping by BartCop

  Click  Here


"Welcome to FOX News, your voice for evil."
   -- The Simpsons on Fox

  Thanks to Matt

 Subject: Tell me something, Bart...

 ...does it suck royally to be right all the time?

 No, it's actually kind of a curse.

 See the linked article below:
 IQ of 64 my arse...


 Firm linked to Cheney wins oil-field contract 
 Hussein may destroy facilities in event of war

  Click  Here

 Subject: Terrorism


 So the government claims they can convince the Iraqi leader to leave by using "shock and awe."
 In the best case, Bush is surrounding Iraq in an attempt to get Saddam Hussein to abdicate.
 Would I be correct in saying this is an application of force, or the threat of force, intended to
 intimidate a government in the pursuit of a political goal?  I ask because of this definition of
 "terrorism," downloaded from the Department of Defense website:

 Terrorism: The calculated use of violence or the threat of violence to inculcate fear;
 intended to coerce or to intimidate governments or societies in the pursuit of goals
 that are generally political, religious or ideological.

 So the DOD says Bush is an international terrorist?
 Then why can't we wear that on our T-shirts?


This Russ fella?
I don't like the tone on this Al-Qaeda operative.
I need a secret torture choppper over at
Pick up one "Russ" for a secret torture session.
Work him hard, too. I'm tired of being Mr. Nice Guy.

Marty's E! page
Baron Dave Romm on the Great Luke Ski
Blue collar East LA protested with 'Guerra no!  Paz si!'
Jill Hennessy is expecting
Mel Gibson built a church
Anthony Kiedis (Peppers) writing a book - 'Scar Tissue'
NAACP Image Awards
WGA Awards
Top 10 movies in North America
Sonny Barger has women problems
And, the world's first penis transplant



"I will not uphold a breach of international law or this undermining of the U.N. and I will resign from this government."
        --Clare Short, International Development Sec to the BBC,

 Oil war: 23 years in the making
 Analysts see attack this week or next

  Click  Here

"The only precedent to what is shaping up now is the Roman Empire,'' says Michael Klare, professor of peace and
 world security studies at Hampshire College. "There is only one power. I don't think Britain, France or Spain even
 came close in other centuries to the United States today.

"If the United States controls Persian Gulf oil fields, it will have a stranglehold on the world economy,'' adds Klare.

 Washington is betting, Klare believes, that "controlling Gulf oil, combined with being a decade ahead of everybody
 else in military technology, will guarantee American supremacy for the next 50 to 100 years.''

 This is close to correct, except for one small thing:
 The United States isn't going to control anything.
 Bush isn't doing this to make America stronger and richer.
 He's doing this to make the B.F.E.E. stronger and richer.

 If this was some noble, logical chess move to secure America's safety, we'd all be right behind him.
 But their intense secrecy tells us they're hiding something, and that would be the billions they
 are stealing every month with this phoney oil war that no other nation is behind.


"I've not made up our mind about military action."
   --Dubya, lying his ass off, Mar. 6, 2003

 BartCop Radio

 The buying of the broadcasting equipment has begun.
 So far, I have my Lil' Radio Dude's "Hey good looking, we'll be back for you later," microphone.
 It's cool.   It runs on batteries and it glows in the dark.
 Plus I got headphones and an FX box that they say will make me sound like a young Moses.

 In a couple of days we'll be getting more, building BartCop Radio a piece at a time.

 We're working on it right this second.
 Wish us luck, and consider joining the team!
 Reminder: Our silent benefactor is still matching all new subscriptions.
 Help make BartCop Radio an April thing, rather than a May-June thing.

 Is  worth $5 a month?

 Is  Bartcop Radio  worth $10 a month?

 Is  Bartcop Radio  worth $25 a month?

  Thanks to Bruce Yurgil

 They own the TV networks, the major papers and talk radio.
 The Internet Resistance is all we have.

 Click  Here   to support BartCop Radio big-time


"I've been in situations like this a number of times before in my career where public opinion was against you,
  where there were demonstrations against you, but if you did what was right, and it turned out to be the correct
  thing to do because you have made a region of the world a safer, better place, then you can be vindicated in
  the aftermath, and I think that's the situation we're facing right now."
     --Colin Powell, with Wolf the Whore, 03/09/03

 Colin, that may be, but this is the first world-takeover attempt in my lifetime.
 I was born after Hitler died, so the B.F.E.E. is my first.


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