Some people think I don't like Rush Limbaugh.
I like him, I really do.

I think more people need to give Rush a chance.
Once you get past the pompous, forked-tongue Aryan Supremist,
once you see through the fabricating boneheaded slur-factory part of Rush,
you'd see he's more than a posterboy for the Tim McVeighs of the world.
This knuckle-dragging throwback deserves a hearing, even if he sweats pig gravy.
Just because he's a no-cyst-lancing, yellow-streaked verbal terrorist,
he's still an American, even though he'd never
grant that same courtesy to a black or gay American.

I'm a First Amendment guy, even in a case of a cowardly traitor
who couldn't keep his ass clean enough to fight the war he loved so much.
I can overlook the compliment-seeking egomaniac to see that there's a
niggardly miser ready to take hot school lunches away from the poorest
Americans because "to feed them is to enslave them."

We cain't be havin' no Marxist-Leninist food programs, can we?

I know Rush had a rough childhood. Growing up as the
biggest dork in Cape Girardeau can't be easy.
Undoubtably, he was teased unmercifully at school.
Everyday, Rush gets even with the kids who taunted him
by instutionalizing the "us vs. them" mentality.

I'll bet President Clinton reminds him of the kid who
picked on him the most. The fact that he can even hold a job,
after his alcoholic, abusive father locked him in closets
for days at a time, is testiment to his willpower.
He's G. Gordon Limbaugh!

Nevermind his abusive father, the wealthy trial attorney, let's focus on
Rush the man. How did America's premier fascist get to be the
biggest talk show host ever? Partly through his relentless pursuit
of the denial of civil rights towards certain taxpaying Americans.

There is a segment of America that wants to remain in
the dark, to which the Bukkkanan brigade will eagerly testify.

Who wants to listen to: "Let's give the blacks and gays a
chance, after all, they're Americans like you and me?"

See? No fun there. But it's a LOT of fun claiming Hillary
murdered Foster and Bill raped teen virgins in Little Rock.

Under the First Amendment, Rush is entitled to broadcast
his hatred of those female, black or gay. Our forefathers
knew the First Amendment would be abused by those that hate,
but that is the price decent people must pay.

Don't look at Rush as a lying ball of phlem.

Don't think of him as the Dr. of Disinformation.

Don't think of him as the Professor of Pomposity,
the Pied Piper of Perversion, the Republican butt-plug
or The Obese Methane Factory.

Think of him as a human being, like Hitler or Pol Pot.

Rush may be a heartless son-of-a-bitch, but he's leading
one of the great political parties of modern America.

Newt Gingrich is on an airplane and notices
the guy next to him reading a book.

Newt: "What book are you reading?"

Man: "It's called 'Deductive reasoning'"

Newt: "Sounds interesting, what's it about?"

Man: "Let me give you an example. "Do you have a dog?"

Newt: "Yes, I do as a matter of fact"

Man: "I would deduce from this then, that you have a yard?

Newt: "Yes, I have a yard"

Man: "And you have a house next to this yard?"

Newt: "I do!"

Man: "I'll bet you have a family, don't you?"

Newt: "Yes, a very nice family!"

Man: "And you're a heterosexual, aren't you?"

Newt: "You betcha! I'm beginning to see how this works!"

Newt buys the book on deductive reasoning.
The next time he flies, a man notices Newt's book and asks:

Man: "Excuse me sir, what's that you're reading?"

Newt: "It's called 'Deductive Reasoning'"

Man: "I see you've almost finished. Have you learned
how to use deductive reasoning yet?"

Newt: "Well yes, as a matter of fact I have. I'll show you.
Do you have a dog?"

Man: "No"

Newt: "You homo!"

Let's Vote for Pat Buchanan!

Dornan said Buchanan is having sex with his sister, Bay.
"I deny the accusation," the powderkeg Republican swore.
"I haven't touched her since college."
Go, Pat, Go

Pat has an "Ivory Coalition."
ALL shades of white are welcome.
Go, Pat, go

Pat got an important endorsement in Georgia,
the "fun bunch" from the movie "Deliverance."
Go, Pat, Go

Pat says if he wins, the first thing he'll do after he
takes his hand off the bible is deport Phil Gramm's
Korean wife.
Go, Pat, Go

"Martin Luther King was an immoral, evil demagogue."
Go, Pat, Go

"Balance the budget? Have you ever heard me once,
since I've been a candidate, mention a balanced budget?"
Go, Pat, Go

"How do you get a black kid to stick to the ceiling?
First you..."

"...That's all we have time for today," said a Buchanan aide.
Go, Pat, Go

From Molly Ivins

I have a friend named Irwin Wingo in Weatherford, Texas.
Irwin and some of the men meet every morning drink coffee
and discuss politics. One of them is a dittohead, a Limbaugh fan.
He came in one day, plopped himself down, and said,

"I think Rush is right: Racism in America is dead.
I don't know what the niggers will find to gripe about now."

How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Four hundred and sixty-two:
Twelve to investigate Clinton's involvement in the failure of the old bulb,
twenty-three to deregulate the light bulb industry,
sixteen to cut funding for alternative lighting R&D,
thirty-four to cut the tax rate on light bulbs,
fifty-three to design a block grant so the states can change the bulb,
forty-one to talk with defense contractors about night-vision gear instead, and
two hundred and eighty-three to pass a law making it illegal to discuss
naked bulbs (or screwing anything) on the Internet.


57, The number of times Reagan claimed "I don't remember" when
testifying under oath about his arms sales to the Ayatollah.

1956, The last year a GOP administration won the election
that didn't issue or accept a Presidential pardon.

550,000, The number of Americans President Bush put in harm's way
to cover his foreign policy blunders.

462, The number of Republicans it takes to screw in a light bulb.

8, The number of cabinet officials that were prepared to testify
about the Reagan/Bush crimes, forcing the pardons.

3, The numbers of days Butch was missing in October, 1980
when accused of meeting Iranian terrorists in Paris.


Is THAT who they're going to run against
the best campaigner in history?
Tired, old Bob?

Poor Bob Dole, the guy that didn't know jobs were important.
Has anybody seen Bob's prune juice?

Lamar says Dole has no ideas for this country.
Newt called him "the tax collector for the welfare state."
Buchanan calls him "Beltway Bob, the guy that made a deal
with Clinton to kill the unborn."
Forbes says Dole's time has come and gone.
Gramm says Dickie Flatt would never vote for him.
America calls him "Senator Straddle."
Has anybody seen Bob's Pepto Bismol?

Does this mean the GOP is accepting the fact that
President Clinton will be around another four years?
And, since they're going to lose anyway,
they're giving Dole the nomination?

Has anyone seen Bob's stool-softening pills?


Now that it looks like Dole will win the nomination, I have
a question for the "less government" crowd.

Will Bob Dole allow each of the 50 states to run their own
campaign for him? Will he allow every state to use a different
picture, have a different slogan and different tactics?

No, he won't.

Think of the confusion of 50 different campaigns, led by
50 different managers. What a sorry mess that would be,
yet that's exactly what the GOP wants to do to America.

Bob Dole and every GOP candidate are, once again, proving that
a home office calling the shots is the best way to be effective.
Yet they can't see the value of a strong federal government.

Somebody needs to tell Bob Dole that the wild story
about David & Goliath was a gimmick they made up
to sell more bibles.

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