Clinton, Bukkkanan Big Winners in Delaware Primary
Issue #1

Rush Limba - Lying Nazi Whore

(Editor's Note: This was the first issue of RL-LNW ever published.
 If you think the late-99 BartCop isn't funny, you're really going to hate this,
 our first-ever attempt at humor.   Our batting average on these early issues
 was lower than Minnie Minoso the season he hit the wall.
 You'd really be better off reading the later stuff first.)


2/25/96

Bill Clinton and Pat Bukkkanan were seen as the big winners in Delaware
after the results of the primary came in. Steve Forbes got the most votes,
but it was seen as a shallow victory for the Forbes campaign because
he was the only candidate to campaign there and he spent
many millions on America's second-smallest state.

Meanwhile, Bukkkanan saw it as a victory because it further
proved 1996 is an anybody-but-Dole election year.

The Clinton campaign was driven into delirium at the thought
of a Clinton-Bukkkanan showdown in November.

Said Clinton, "I might be a skirt-chasing, draft-dodging, dope-smoking KGB agent,
but I could expose myself on live TV and still beat a cop-beating, black-hating,
immigrant-denying, Nixonian draft-dodger with Nazi leanings."


Arizona Presidential Campaign Highlights

Bukkkanan has won the Arizona GOP primary.
Saturday he addressed arch-rival Dole as "Beltway Bob."
Everyone knows Dole is too old, too tired to lead.
Bukkanan seized this fact and demanded Dole match his
statewide campaign stops in ten different Arizona cities,
driving the point home by offering the Dole campaign
a map showing the frantic pace of the Bukkkanan group.
Bob Dole was napping, unavailable for comment.

This is the new GOP?
Dole napping while Bukkkanan hijacks San Diego?

I should've bought Clinton stock when he was at 36%.


NAZI's KILL SELVES 2/25/96

The AP reports a suicide pact among neo-Nazi's.
Jane Greenhow, 23, known to have neo-Nazi ties,
committed suicide by gunshot at Mt Shasta, California.

Steve and Ruth Fleming, both 22, who had been traveling with
Ms. Greenhow, and whom also had neo-Nazi ties, shot themselves
at a gun range in Mesa Arizona.

Arizonans for Bukkkanan were placed under
a suicide watch for their own safety.


Rush Asks FBI For Help 2/25/96

Today, Rush Limbaugh asked FBI agents Fox Mulder
and Dana Scully to investigate the mystery of
Rush's missing dignity and self-respect.
Said Special Agent Mulder "It's our toughest case."

Limbaugh says he last saw his dignity and self-respect
sometime between May of 1987 and March of 1988.
Limbaugh, multi-millionaire, offered no reward.

However the NAACP offered $45,000.

Vince Foster's widow $12,500.

The Black/Gay Alliance offered $20,000.

The Rose Kennedy Endowment Fund $85,000.

Planned Parenthood $10,000.

Citizens for a Decent America $5000.

Marta Limbaugh $60,000.

Marta's kids $25,000.

Kids that go to school with Marta's kids $830.

Arlen Specter $3000.

Citizens for Fewer abortions $2800.

Barry Goldwater $1500.

The ACLU $4500.

The Citizens of Haiti $1200.

The Children of Bosnia $90.

The Reagan Presidential Library $60.

Chelsea Clinton $22


End of Issue One.

In Issue Two:
Clinton Fights In Vietnam
and We Get our Name!!!


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