Great GOP Quotes
"All this environmental destruction nonsense is just
another lie by the big-government liberals."
--Captain Bacon, February 10, with his mouth full.
OJ Simpson might be a mad-dog killer, but he's cagey.
After he heard about the $33,000,000 verdict,
he drove to McDonalds and spilled coffee in his lap.
If you want to see a looooong list of people who were murdered
by America's First Lady, Hillary Rodham Clinton, check out:
Yep, they're all there - all the murder victims that the liberal
media is trying to keep hidden to further the Klinton agenda.
Here's some examples:
Hillary's victim - Keith Coney
The Reason Hillary killed him - Claimed to have knowledge of
the Ives/Henry murders. Killed before he could testify.
Proof that Hillary did it - After Coney was slashed in the neck,
he fled for his life on his motorcycle and slammed into the back
of a truck and was killed.
His death was ruled a "traffic fatality".
And here's even MORE proof Hillary is guilty.
Hillary's victim - C. Victor Raiser II
The Reason Hillary killed him - Was finance co-chairman of
Clinton's presidential campaign. (He knew about Mena's airport?)
Proof that Hillary did it - Raiser's plane crashed in good weather
(small-plane crashes are easy for professional hit men to stage)
His death was ruled an "accident".
Yep, it's getting harder and harder to support President Clinton
with proof THIS clear staring us right in the face.
I'm going to call Jerry Falwell right now and pony up
the $79 for the video that has even more proof.
Rush is right - the liberals admit the Clintons are killers,
but they just say "So what?" when confronted with truth.
Truthful, Greedy Whore
"I'm not going to have anything official on the Internet
until we can figure a way to make some money with it."
--Rush Arbuckle, Radio Show Feb 13, 1997
Your rantings represent the worst of the web.
He might be a bad first-impression guy.
I grew up in the '60s and worked with the liberal leftist political process.
The "liberal-leftist" process? Is that anything like the Democratic
How easily do you switch sides, anyway?
Have you no core beliefs?
As I grew up, I found the philosophy you put out to be superficial, elitist, and lacking in reality.
You mean as opposed to the factual, forged-from-steel, every-man policies of the GOP?
Grow up and get a life before you rant again.
You sound angry.
Am I the first non-ditt you've ever run into?
You forgot to mention my "cliches."
You should pay closer attention to the RNC handbook, Cuffy.
You're seeing Rush's show in a mirror. This is how Rush
sounds to the 240,000,000 of us who think he's a bloated gasbag.
Next time relax, drink a beer and try to have a good time.
Life is short and there is no Heaven.
DAN QUAYLE - Stand-Up Comedian
So, this Zebra dies and goes to Heaven.
The Zebra finds St. Peter and asks him,
"Am I white with blacks stripes?
Or am I black with white stripes."
St. Peter says "I can't answer that. Go ask God."
The Zebra eventually locates God and asks,
"Excuse me, Sir, but am I white with black stripes?
Or black with white stripes?"
God said: "You're white with black strips, obviously."
The Zebra said "Thank you for the answer," and started to
walk away. Just then, he turned to God and said,
"You said that the answer is obvious? How so?"
God said "If you were black with white stripes,
you'd be Clarence "Slappy" Thomas."
CNN reports that Paula Jones has moved. They say she moved
her trailer to the same trailer park Tanya Harding lives in.
They've become close.
(More on that next issue.)
The Uncle OJ Saga
OJ Watts, (R-Bonehead) the only black Republican in Congress,
is a mystery, tied up in an enigma, wrapped around a riddle.
Raised by Democrats and Barry Switzer, now he's "Uncle OJ."
To my knowledge, the only private sector job he's ever held was
"deadbeat dad," for running out on his girlfriend & their baby.
Uncle OJ meant a lot to Okies, winning the title in college football.
That's why this God-forsaken sandtrap elected him to high office.
If a fast men can hold onto a football, when other fast men are
trying to slap it away....well, that's leadership.
That, or being the purser in Love Boat,
the indecisive air-traffic controller in Die Hard II,
the less-talented half of Sonny & Cher,
the forgetful half of the Bonzo/Reagan movie team, etc.
Yes, THESE are the people we need to run America!!!
Ralph Reed wants it that way...
Ralph Reed gets what he wants.
Have you ever felt like a real idiot?
Give yourself a break.
I know of a guy in Los Angeles who shelled out
$33 million for some ugly ass shoes.
Subject: Your Hate Page
I feel very sorry for you. Not only are you a
I'd bet you are some kind of atheist!!
This guy should be a detective.
The purpose for the collection plate is not to
rip you off.
It's to set you free from the love of money.
That's the second-funniest thing I've ever heard.
Only "The rich need a tax cut" is better.
Once you give someone your money, not only is
it good for them,
it helps YOU. It breaks the power of money over you.
Make him stop!!
If any of you ditts want to be free from the power of money,
send it to RL-LNW and I'll forward some to the RNC.
I'm willing to bet, you probably never do anything
unless there is something in it for you. How selfish and unloving.
I was raised by Catholics. Blame them.
Why do you hate Limbaugh, and other evangelists?
Limba, the evangelist?
You're the biggest hippocrit I've seen.
Check the spelling - hippo-crit?
I OWN that spelling as it applies to Rush.
You owe me a five dollar royalty, fella.
I hope that you see the err of your ways.
Is it too late?
Koresh, I hope so.
A Dittohead, shaking like a bunny at
Great GOP Quotes
"Republicans understand the importance
of bondage between a mother and child."
-- Dan Quayle, dumber than potatoe soup.
On the February 11th episode of Roseanne, she flashed back
to when Sen. Fred Thompson (R-Bonehead) was her sadistic boss
at the glue factory. He played a heartless, inhuman bastard.
Jesus, that man can act.
Poker at Al's
Every now and then, GOP powerbrokers get together with bag men
from Big Cancer to play a friendly little game of poker.
Rush: Hey, guys. Look who's back!
Buchanan: Stymie, what are you doing here?
I heard you lost $60,000 last week.
Jesus, that's really stupid, even for a ni......that's really stupid.
Thomas: Maybe Kweisi Mfume put a Voodoo curse on me. I'll do better tonight.
Dornan: Excuse me, Mr. Thomas. Do you sing or dance?
Thomas: Why, no. I can't sing and I'm a rather clumsy dancer. Why do you ask?
Dornan: I heard the Village People hired "a Conductor,"
and there's something about the way you move...
D'Amato: I have an idea...
Since Stymie lost so much last week,
Let's let him sit in the Magic Chair.
Thomas: The Magic Chair?
D'Amato: Yes, this chair over here..
Thomas: The one surrounded by mirrors?
D'Amato: Yep, that's the lucky chair.
Thomas: Golly... Thanks guys. You like me.. You really like me.
Rush: Fonz, you shameless whore.
D'Amato: Wait! Let me get this straight:
You... YOU, Rush Limba, are calling ME a whore?
Quayle: I don't get it...
Buchanan: Knock it off, you three. Don't start fighting again.
Anybody got any jokes this week?
Thomas: I heard a funny joke.
Quayle: I'll get it!!
Thomas: Sit down, fool.
Quayle: I'm COMING!
Buchanan: Stymie, you can't do Knock-Knock jokes here.
It confuses the Vice President...
Dornan: Hell, I heard a pretty good joke.
What do you call two lesbians in a canoe?
...why isn't anybody laughing?
Rush: Let's play some poker.
The pot's not right. Who didn't ante?
Rush: Where are the pota....
I mean... Where are the corn chips?
Quayle: Oooh! Another chance!
Let me try to spell corn.
Dornan: Here we go again.
Quayle: ...C.... E..
Quayle: I feel like such a tool...
Thomas: Excuse me, Master Rush. I was interested in hyp...hyp...
Rush: It's hypnosis, Slappy.
Rush: No... it's hypnosis.
Rush: (sigh) Close enough.
Thomas: I know you've lost some weight lately, and I'd like
to see if your hyp-Mosis could help me, too. Would you hyp-Motise me?
Rush: Well.. you gotta to be smarter than Dan Quayle.
Quayle: I don't get it.
Rush OK, let's try to concentrate...
Stare into my eyes - look deep...deep into my eyes.
Thomas: You have lovely eyes.
You're getting drowsy... your mind is afloat.
Thomas: My mind is a what?
Rush: Tell me, what are you thinking?
Thomas: I.... I've never met Mr. Quayle before.
He seems quite the gentleman. Is...Dan Quayle gay?
Rush: Why do you ask?
Thomas: He seems to prefer the company of men.
Rush: Who doesn't?
Thomas: Is it true that Mrs. Quayle is a lesbian?
Rush: Worse - she's a smart woman.
Now, be very quiet and relax.
Listen to the sound of my voice and concentrate on
a shiny object in the room. Have you found an object?
Thomas: Yes. I'm staring at the award D'Amato just got
from the Swiss Government - the 330 carat diamond.
Rush: You're getting very sleepy.
Thomas: Yes.....sleepy....like listening to your show...
Rush: Oh....you'll pay for that one. Yes you will, Slappy.
When I count to three, you'll be awake and refreshed.
Thomas: Hey, Rush. Can you Hyp-motize me?
Rush: You dolt! The word is hypnotize.
Rush: God, I wish I was a Democrat....
Quayle: I don't get it.
Rush: OK, Stymie, listen to the sound of my voice.
When I snap my fingers, you'll become a pirate. Understand?
You're a PIRATE from the goddamn Carribean.
You have an eyepatch on, and a parrot on your shoulder!
Thomas: AAAAAAAAAAAARGH! Prepare to walk the plank, matey.
AAAAAAAAAAAARGH! AAAAAAAAAAARGH! AAAAAAAAAAARGH!
Buchanan: I'll be go-to-hell. Look at that son-of-a-bitch go.
D'Amato: For the love of fuck! Rush, you're a genius!
Rush: Talent on loan from God.
Thomas: AAAAAAAAAAAARGH! AAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
Rush: You can fucking STOP now, Slappy!
....Oh..... The silence feels good....
Listen to my voice, Slappy.
Now, you're a singing teapot.
Thomas: (singing) I'm a little teapot - short and stout.
Here is my handle, here is my spout.
D'Amato: Rush, goddamn, this is awful, but it's hilarious.
How can you do it so easily?
Rush: Ain't nothing to it...
It seems the more stupid a person is, the easier it is to hynotise them.
D'Amato: Oh, that explains your stranglehold on Quayle.
Quayle: I don't get it.
Rush: Now, you're a black man.
Quayle: But, Rush. He's already..
D'Amato: Shut up, Dillhole!
Mr. D'Amato, you're 64 years old. Dillhole?
D'Amato: Ok, then. Shut up, Dickhead. Feel better?
D'Amato: What the hell is that commotion at the door?
Masked Gunmen: HANDS UP EVERYBODY! THIS IS A HOLD UP!
What do the robbers want?
Or something infinitely more ...horrible?
Tune in RL-LNW next week
- Same fat-time,
- Same fat-channel
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Email the Author: Bartcop