Vol 178 - Annie Get Your Fries

 March 13, 2000

 Great GOP Quotes

"All I ever wanted out of life was the freedom to live my life."
  -- Tim McVeigh, 60 Minutes  3/12/00

Hey, Tim!
If you had chosen not to murder 168 people, you'd be free now.
Free to move to Idaho or Bob Barr's district where you'd be free
to hate blacks and gays and whoever else Rush tells you to hate, dumbass.

VCR Alert

CNN.com says "Duke" from Doonesbury is Larry King's guest tonight.
Koresh - I'm there!

Also, the kid who sees dead people is on Ally McBeal,
and Angie Harmon is on Leno.

Shannen Dougherty and Kate Jackson are in Satan's School for Young Girls.

It Keeps Getting Worse

With every turn of the USA Today pages, it gets worse.
The page after the Marry a Millionaire bullshit-fraud story, I see that whore
Barbara Walters is hosting, "An Evening With the Couple who Murdered Jon Benet"

I got hold of an advance copy of the interview.
You can guess the stupid questions the whore will ask.
Would you like to see the answers?

"We can't answer that."
"Our attorney said we shouldn't answer that."
"I don't think we can answer that question, Barbara."
"Of course we loved her"
"I really wish we could answer that."
"We can't answer that."

...and then the Reagan answer,
"When we're free to talk, you won't be able to shut us up!"

But Barbara Walters, one of the premier press whores in all history
has said in her pre-broadcast interview promos,

"They were not evasive.
 They answered EVERY QUESTION put to them."

That's either a typical Baba Wawa bald-faced lie or
she asked them what kind of tree they'd really like to be.

Trust me, folks.
We're not going to learn a goddamn thing if we watch this show.
Nothing but Patsy crying and "missing her little girl," even tho they
refused to cooperate with the Boulder homicide detectives to find her killers.

This is another horseshit, manufactured bullshit television "event."

I don't know how it happened, but  bartcop.com  is slowly becoming
the most trusted name in all of the American media.

Easily more credible than the Fox Whore Network, ABC News, USA Today,
CNN, the Dallas Morning News, the New York Times, the Washington Post,
the Moonie Times and the New York Post. Not only is my spelling better than
the New York Post but compared to them, my writing is goddamn Shakespearean.

A Picture from the BartCop Collection@

"Day Moon at Crater Lake"

A Triple Shot of Cunningham...



Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire?

Why won't this go away?
Who gives a fuck?
It was staged.

Some slut-for-sale agrees to marry a rich pig on Rupert Murdoch's whore network
and the media can't stop talking about this manufactured bullshit for a second.

had the rich piggy man on for an hour,
then the slut-for-sale came on for an hour a few nights later.

Larry King was the second-worst I've ever seen him.
He kept prodding the bride and groom both to give details about their sex life.
Remember, years ago, 8-wives used to have presidential candidates and real guests?

I have intentionally ignored this Murdoch-paid-for bullshit, but why won't it go away?
My best guess is backdoor Bettina Gregory and the others are so desperate for
another semen-stained dress that they flock to this like a salivating Pigboy.

When will it go away?
USA Today gave it ANOTHER half page today.

It's not even news.
It's manufactured, like the Backstreet Boys or Britney Spears.
Maybe in the future, we can custom order news stories and block any story
with the words "marry a millionaire" and just read news for those who think.

Hey, Larry!
Invite Ol' BartCop on your show.

I'll get that switchboard blinking.

How Can You Tell Tim McVeigh is a Republican?

Asked by that idiot Ed Bradley if he would do anything differently if he
could relive his life, Tim Government-is-the-problem McVeigh said:

"There are moments, but no one that stands out."

 Remember Jack-Booted Thugs?

 "I've come to believe that he needs a certain level of violence in this country,"
 said Wayne LaPierre, president of the NRA on Meet the Catholic Sunday.
 "He's willing to accept a certain level of killing to further his political agenda
 and his vice president, too."

Vice President Al Gore lashed back today from the presidential
campaign trail, demanding an apology from LaPierre.

"Anyone who has spent time as I have -- many times -- with the families of the
victims of gun violence and felt the heartache, seen the way gun violence tears
families apart, couldn't possibly make such a comment," Gore said in Miami.

"And I believe Mr. LaPierre's comments reveals a sickness at the heart of the NRA."

This is why Gore couldn't lose this next election if he tried.
Tim McVeigh said the same thing Sunday on 60 Minutes.
McVeigh said it was OK to murder those children at the Murrah Day Care Center
because Bush and Clinton caused deaths as the American military's commander.

And the nasty Pigboy said the same thing today on his Nazi hate show.

Even if America wanted to turn conservative, how could they?

LaPierre, McVeigh, Limba, Burton, Smirk, Barr, Armey running America?
I'll bet that scares a majority of Republicans, and that's why Gore will win.

Y'know what else?
Pigboy said it again and again today, how Democrats are in a "BIG PANIC" because
our candidate was "such a loser." Pigboy said Democrats were "terrified" that a
loser like Gore was going to lead us to defeat.

Sure, Rush, that's just what you said in 1996 and 1992.

 What Happens When You Go Too Far to the Right?

 Click Here

 Paul Begala Speaks

 I don't think Bush is nuts, just weak. He's too shallow, callow, weak and
 inexperienced to be a good candidate for president, much less to be a good
 president. He's so cowed by the far right you can almost hear him moo.

 Have you noticed the vicious, venomous personal attacks Bush and his surrogates
 have unleashed on Vice President Gore? Rather than debate issues, they're resorting
 to the worst kind of character assassination that we've seen since...well, since they
 attacked John McCain's character a few weeks ago.

 They said McCain was beholden to special interests; now they say Gore is.
 They said McCain says one thing and does another; now they say Gore does.
 Do they really think anyone's buying this bunk?
 As we say in Texas, "It's deja moo -- the same old bull."

Clinton Impeachment Figure's Seat in Jeopardy
By Michael Miller

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Rep. James Rogan, a leader in the failed effort to have
President Clinton removed from office for lying about Monica, may be in danger of losing
his seat if results of California's ``Super Tuesday'' primary are any indication.

The Glendale Republican ran uncontested and polled 59,429 votes in the GOP primary.
But his Democratic opponent, state Sen. Adam Schiff, took in 62,093 votes in his primary
and became a November favorite, according to political experts.

Rogan, a two-term congressman, was targeted by Democrats for his role as House manager.
The Democrats chose Schiff, a rising star, as the man most likely to unseat him.

All the House Managers and all the insane, religio-ditto-monkeys need to get kicked out of Congress.
They told us a hundred, no, a thousand times that they were going to continue their attempted rape
no matter how much the voters wanted that crazy shit stopped.

Hey, Rogan!
Eat it!

And I hope you fucking choke on it, too.

All House Managers must be defeated.

 Lying Whore

 NEW YORK (AP) - Radio talk show host Laura Schlessinger, under fire for
 referring to homosexuality as "deviant" behavior, said Friday that she's
 sorry her comments have hurt some people.
 In recent weeks, gay rights activists have started a campaign to try to stop
 television stations from broadcasting Schlessinger's "Dr. Laura" talk show,
 which is scheduled to debut in September.

 On her popular radio show where she dispenses relationship advice,
 Schlessinger has also referred to homosexuality as a "biological error."

 "Regrettably, some of the words I've used have hurt some people, and I am
 sorry for that," she said. "Words that I have used in a clinical context have
 been perceived as judgment. They were not meant to characterize homosexual
 individuals or encourage others to disparage homosexuals.

 "I regularly remind my listeners that we are all made in God's image and,
 therefore, we should treat one another with love and kindness, irrespective
 of one's faith," she said.

 She said she never intended to hurt anyone.

 The lying whore.
 Of course she meant to hurt people.
 She's trying to be provocative.
 That's from the Latin for "asshole who provokes."

 You don't accidentally provoke people again and again and again.
 This lying bitch is trying to gin up higher ratings.

 She makes money each time she calls gays, "God's mistake," because the
 brain-dead religio-ditto-monkeys don't have enough faith in their own God
 to assume He didn't make a million mistakes when he created homosexuals.

 For the third time in two weeks, I'm defending God/religion/Catholics.
 Make me stop.

 "I'm sorry if a word I used upset someone," the bitch lies.

 To hear her explain it, it's like she asked, "What time is it?"
 and our favorite watch-maker just died, and her oh-so innocent question somehow
 accidentally triggered some collateral pain for someone and she's so, so sorry.

 Lying slut-whore!

 She knows what she's doing.
 You don't de-thrown America's premier lying, Nazi whore
 by "accidentally" saying something you didn't mean to.

 ...and if I've ever once said something false about Dr, Spread Legs,
 why doesn't she take me to court and force me to retract it?




 Subject: Stuff

 This is a test to see if you've had a chance to throw out the trash in your
 inbox yet. I tried to send this to you the other day and it bounced.

 I need to hire some help.

 Also, while I've got your attention gland stimulated, I told my dad about Ford
 promising not to pardon Nixon, and Bush pardoning Reagan's entire cabinet,
 and dad professed not to have heard about either of those events. Can you
 provide documentary evidence, maybe with dates?]

 I hope I didn't mislead you about those two.

 1. Ford did not promise not to pardon Nixon.
 He "pulled a Clinton."

 At his confirmation hearing, When they asked, "Are you going to pardon Nixon?"
 he answered,  "I don't think the country would stand for it."
 That sounds like a, "no," but he didn't say, "no."

 I saw/heard that myself, so it did happen.
 Ford didn't promise not to, but 27 years ago, they didn't parse each letter
 of each word to look for possible loopholes like they do now.
 Ford led us to believe he said "no," but didn't actually promise.
 If that fat adulter-whore Henry Hyde had been in charge back then,
 he would've wanted to impeach Ford for lying, even tho he didn't.

 2.  Bush didn't pardon Reagan's entire cabinet.
 He pardoned Weinberger, the Secretary of Defense, and five others,
 but the others weren't all cabinet-level people. I'm not sure if Schultz
 was in the pardon-loop, but we was on the hook because he was in the room
 when Reagan and Bush decided to commit their multiple felonies.


Snowblind Friend

Click Here

Alan Keyes commercials on the radio in Knuckledrag?

Koresh, he's running a commercial every break on Doc Dragon's hate show.
Did Keyes come into some money?

Road Trip

The St Louis trip went pretty well.
When we woke up Saturday morning, Missouri looked like the GOP - all white.

There was six inches of snow, and I still couldn't get my shoe on my swollen right foot.

Mrs. BartCop had a great idea - a trash bag wrapped around my foot.
At least that way I could move around in the snow.

St Louis was mostly a food fest.
We started downtown at historic Soulard Market.
This is the oldest market west of the Massabama River.
They have everything at this market.

You like your chicken fresh?
Buy the chicken, take it home, kill it and eat it.

You like your rabbit fresh?
Buy the rabbit, take it home, kill it and eat it.
They have fresh this, fresh that etc.

They have what I call exotic meats, too.
I saw an entire bin of chicken backs.
I saw lots of kinds of meat they don't offer at Albertson's.
I saw one bin full of "riblets" which looked like something the highway patrol
would pull out of a car if the people weren't wearing seatbelts.

While I was trying to regain my senses, black gentleman walked up and said,
"Those riblet's look gooder 'n a motherfucker."

I'll bet supper at his house is interesting.

Moving on to the spice store, Mrs. BartCop bought this 'n that while this lady

was doing all kinds of dialects from strange lands, not knowing
I was recording everything on the Bart-Cam.

After about a 10 minute skit, which had her co-workers laughing till they cried,
she noticed the camcorder and asked if it was on.

I said, "Sure, I'm going to put you on the world wide web."
She laughed, thinking I was kidding.

Continuing thru the market, we found the Mexican food-liquor barn.
I felt like a tamale, (they are the best!) and saw the word "tequila" on the board.
So I asked this question.

Click Here

We struck a deal for a tamale and a shot of Don Quixote tequila for $3.50.

At least the tamale was good.

From there, we headed to White Castle Hamburgers.
Have you ever had one of those?
They're so small, you have to order 6 or 8 to get off.
I just had 4 because there's so much other stuff to eat in St Louis.

From there we checked in with the family, played with the computer, etc.
Later we ordered Imo's Pizza.
There's nothing like Imo's Pizza.
The cheese is orange and it sticks to your teeth.
It's about 1/4 inch thick, very unlike Chicago deep-dish pizza.
Imo's is so big in St Louis, Pizza Hut offers a Imo's-style pizza
because they got tired of doing no business.

Goes great with Chinaco tequila, too.

Then I got to meet my grand-niece Josephine for the first time.
She's only 10 weeks old.

Why is she so unhappy?
Her daddy is a big-time Republican and she loves her daddy.
When I told her what was going to happen in November, she cried for an hour.

So we had a nice family visit.
On the way out of town, we stopped at the Krispy Creeme donut shop.
I've never had hot, fresh donuts like that before.

So we got back on the road and headed to K-Drag.
I missed all the Sunday shows, except for a few seconds of Fox Whore News.

Vice-President elect Bill Richardson was on, and Tony Snow tried to trap him with
some bullshit question about Buddhist fund-raising and the VP elect let them have it:
"Here you go again with the same, old, tired, recycled crap from four years ago
that never had any foundation. That shows how sick your whole party is, Tony!"

Go get 'em Bill!

Passing thru Joplin, Mo, we had our last culinary feast - Steak 'n Shake.
Real steakburgers made right before your eyes, and REAL malts and shakes,
not like that crap they sell at McDonald's and Burger King.

We got back to K-Drag in time to see the McVeigh interview on 60 Minutes.

Ed Bradley: Tim, you didn't even cry in court when the Oklahoma City victims
                     described the horror of seeing their loved ones crushed to death - why?

GOP Tim:  I'm not like that cry-baby Clinton - I'm a real man.

Thanks, Tim.
Thank you for attacking Clinton.
Thank you for being on THEIR side.
Thanks for being a Reagan Republican, even tho you said the Gulf War
and Ruby Ridge (both GOP ventures) caused 2/3 of your anger problems.

I think voters should remember in November that Reagan, Pigboy and McVeigh all think,
"Government is the problem."

Once that crap was off the air, we settled into a great Soprano's episode.
This whole clan of Catholic murderers were trying to figure out how
they could possibly be going to hell since they were all such good Catholics.

Paulie Walnuts, who has thirty years of murders under his belt, told his parish priest
that he was cutting the church off from any more donations
since they weren't providing him adequate "protection" from the Devil.

"Hey, Fodda, when the church organ needed new reeds, who was there?
 When you priests needed new whites, who was there?
 No more, Fodda, I'm cutting you off.
 I need protection, and you ain't providin' it!"

You can't help but love those Catholics.

Ann Coulter learned a new trick - How to get free french fries at McDonalds.


March 10, 2000

We're taking Mrs. BartCop's touring sedan to St Louis tonight,
so the treehouse will be dark for a few days.

Scary Perry - I tried to call you.
Will try again tonight.

Update for McKinley

From: MShemo@ipbtax.com

Subject:   Answer to mckinley

ACLU Fact Sheet: Overview of Lesbian and Gay Parenting, Adoption and Foster Care
April 6, 1999

Myth: Lesbians and gay men are more likely to molest children.
Fact: There is no connection between homosexuality and pedophilia.

All of the legitimate scientific evidence shows that.
Sexual orientation, whether heterosexual or homosexual, is an adult sexual
attraction to others. Pedophilia, on the other hand, is an adult sexual
attraction to children. Ninety percent of child abuse is committed by
heterosexual men. In one study of 269 cases of child sexual abuse, only two
offenders were gay or lesbian. Of the cases studied involving molestation of
a boy by a man, 74 percent of the men were or had been in a heterosexual
relationship with the boy's mother or another female relative. The study
concluded that "a child's risk of being molested by his or her relative's
heterosexual partner is over 100 times greater than by someone who
might be identifiable as being homosexual, lesbian, or bisexual."10

Are Children at Risk for Sexual Abuse by Homosexuals?,
Pediatrics, Vol. 94, No. 1 (1994); see also
David Newton, Homosexual Behavior and Child Molestation:
A Review of the Evidence, Adolescence, Vol. XIII, No. 49 at 40 (1978)

("A review of the available research on pedophilia provides no basis for
 associating child molestation with homosexual behavior.")

Special thanks to Margaret Shemo for the quick action getting the facts.
Remember, if I swear to Koresh, it's always 100 percent true.

 Begala Shoots the Bull

 Rumor has it that Bush will call for the repeal of the 1993 gas tax today.
 Once again, he looks like a lightweight. If he thinks a seven-year-old tax of
 4.3 cents has anything to do with the current spike in oil prices, he's as
 dumb as he looks. The move smacks of inexperience and desperation,
 and is disconnected from reality. This is a good chance for Gore to show his
 statesmanship: to point out that Bush is dangerously inexperienced.
 The current spike in oil prices was not caused by a four-penny gas tax
 (nor, for that matter, was it caused by Texas' 18-cent gas tax.)

 Perhaps gaffes like that are why McCain has suspended, rather than ended,
 his campaign. It may sound like a longshot, but Bush has the capacity to
 self-destruct. His candidacy could be like one of the people you read about
 in the Weekly World News: they’re just walking down the street one day and
 they burst into flames. Bush could spontaneously combust as well, and McCain
 could then jump back in.

 ha ha

 That sounds familiar.

From: pianopete2@yahoo.com

Subject: Smirk Q&A with Thursday's USA Today

 USA Today: Gore is already calling your tax-cut plan a
                      "risky tax scheme." How do you respond?

 Smirk: That's fine. That's what they used in '96.
             That's what they used in '92.
             This is the old, tired politics of the past.

 Memo to George: Remember what happened in '96 and '92?!
 Those "old, tired politics" gave us 8 glorious years of Clinton/Gore!
 And now they're going to give us at least 4 more, looks like.

 Here's another knee-slapper:

 USA Today: How do you feel about Gore's suggestion that voters
                      don't want to return to what he calls the failed
                      policies of the last Republican administration?

 Smirk: If Al Gore wants to run against my father, bring him on.

 This from the guy who appears to be running against Bill Clinton's cock.
 Whoo-ee this is going to be a fun one!


What a Nut!

Today, Rush was trying to downplay McCain's popularity by saying he only
did good in the states where the Democrats weren't having a primary.

But just yesterday, he offered evidence that Smirk was going to win
because he got more total votes in the primaries than Al Gore.
Pigboy, don't you ever listen to your own show?

If I was a conservative I'd be too ashamed to admit it.

Rush keeps screaming at Gore because of the internal "combustable" engine.
Hey, Pigboy, that engine doesn't burn, you idiot. The fuel burns, Porky.
Tell your stroke doctor to up your dosage.

In the second hour today, Rush said:

Gore believes the internal combustable engine is a problem,
but Governor Bush knows better.


Right again, Rush!
The Earth cleans itself, just like you said!

Mein Schwein is kicking around a possible VP for Smirk.
The two names he's mentioned are John Kasich and Colin Powell.
Neither will work.

Besides being gay, John Kasich is a gun-grabber.
Liddy calls him every name in the book because there's not much
difference between Kasich and Bradley on the gun issue.

Besides being black, Colin Powell is pro-choice.
If I'm not mistaken, he's also pro-affirmative action.

Smirk's going to have trouble getting someone to agree to be his VP.
Who wants to ruin their career with a big-time loss?
Jack Kemp almost doesn't exist anymore, thanks to Dole.

Smirk needs someone with foreign policy experience.
Someone who's been battle-tested!
Someone with stature and dignity!

Please God, if you'd let Quayle run with Smirk........


 Click Here

From:  mckinley@inentec.com

Can you give me a reference for your quote:

"Medical science tells us homosexual men are statistically LESS LIKELY
 to abuse a child than "normal" men."

 No, but it's true, swear to Koresh.
 It's been a known fact for decades.

 When a child is missing, for instance, the FBI profilers will tell you
 that you're NOT looking for a gay suspect.

 Maybe someone could produce some supporting data?

 Love Letter to Pigboy

 Click Here

 Mother Smirk

 Bill Maher attacked Barbara Bush on his talk show Monday night
 -- calling the white-haired grandmother "a bitch."

 Maher's was talking about Smirk  with guests Rita Rudner,
 Catherine McCord, Monty Warner and MTV host Carson Daly.
 The panel was discussing George W.'s controversial "Super Tuesday"
 campaign ads.

 "Bush has the money to buy these ads, which convince people of
 things that are completely untrue," Maher said.

 "And ... half of the voters thought he was his father until about two weeks ago," Maher said.
 "And the other half loved his mother -- who, by the way, was always a bitch."

 "That's not true," shot back Warner, who worked for Barbara Bush.
 "She's one of the most genuine people I've ever worked for."

 "Well, I've read things where she is the enforcer behind this Bush
 campaign," Maher said.

 "That she is really out to get vengeance, because they think that
  Clinton robbed the White House from George Sr.

 "I don't think that makes her a nice old lady," Maher said.
 "You could just see right through that facade."

 Maher's lead was then picked up by Rudner, a standup comedian who alluded to
 Barbara Bush's controversial 1984 campaign remark about Geraldine Ferraro,
 who was Mondale's vice-presidential running mate.

 "I was so appalled by Barbara Bush," Rudner said. "When Barbara Bush
 stooped to saying, 'It rhymes with witch' ... that's where she lost me.
 I don't care what kind of cookies she bakes. ''

 Bad Boys Get Spanked

 From: Robert

 Subject: Chrissie Hynde: Bartcop Reader?

 This was in the Thursday edition of the Washington Post.
 In a review of Chrissie Hynde's show at the 9:30 Club, this caught my eye:

 At one point, moments after the quintet kicked off "My City Was Gone,"
 a tune that Rush Limbaugh has used as his radio show theme song,
 Hynde stopped to say she had never heard the Limbaugh show.

 Besides, she added, "Don't associate me with a Nazi."
 Think She's a BartCop Reader?


 ha ha
 I'll bet she says that at every stop, too.

 It's possible she reads BartCop, but everyone knows Rush is a Nazi.
 He was a Nazi before I bought my first computer.

 PS. I'm looking for your Carville mail.
       It's in the pile, somewhere.

Cunningham Strikes Twice


 I hear Smirk had a Darwin fish on his car until the Michigan primary.

This Makes Sense

Click Here

If you have about 30 hours free, check out


Compared to him,  bartcop.com  endorses Smirk.
For one-stop, anti-Bush shopping, you'll find everything there.

From:   edofarrell@worldnet.att.net

Fascinating the acronym for the California GOP is CRP, isn't it?
Makes ya want to buy a vowel.


Oh, Cheeses!
I feel like that Horta on Star Trek.

The pain!

Great Bat Quotes

"I really want a statue in the park or something,
because I have really given an awful lot of  business to a lot of people."

 -- Luci the Bat

March 9, 2000

Jesus Christ
Mary, Mother of God
Jesus, God
Holy Christ
Oh, God Help Me
Oh, Jesus,
Oh Christ
Oh, Lord Help Me
Ohhhhh, God

While walking to to the computer tonight, barefoot,
my right little toe caught the 3-inch leg of a 60-pound chair.
Oh, Jesus,
Oh, Christ!
Help Me!

I'm very, very old, and this has happened before,
but my little toe has never sent my brain e-mail like this.

Mary, Mother of God,
Cause NOT,  ....the pain in my little toe!

Oh, God,
if you're trying to get my attention - you have!
Dear God, put your demands in writing - I will follow them!

My throbbing right toe feels like David Koresh on day 56.
Oh, Stations of the Cross, help me...

God, I'll make you a deal:
If you let me get to sleep tonight,
I'll not take your name in vain the rest of this month.
Oh, Christ, I'm serious.

My little toe is throbbing like Clinton in a repeat-loop Brainstorm helmet.
I realize, that I'm negotiating with Almighty God, here, but my little toe
feels God's wrath worse than Smirk's handlers come November.

As I type this, I'm administering to myself a "home remedy."
The bad news is, my toe doesn't hurt quite bad enough to throw me
into fucking shock, so it's up to me to make it hurt more STILL.
so I can qualify for a government-sponsored metha-qualone program.
Oh, Jesus.

You see the trap I'm in, right?
It's late, I have NO chance of getting to sleep with a spaghetti toe,
so my two choices are the emergency room or drink until it doesn't hurt.

I wish it was Friday.
I wish Spock was here to pinch me.
Oh, Christ it hurts.

More From ABC News

ABC is reporting at 1 PM CST that McCain is refusing to endorse Smirk
because he might get back in the race, "if something happens."

Remember "All Eyes on Hatch?"

The information is out there.
It's just a matter of time before sombody uses it.
When they do, McCain will be ready.
His powder is dry.

Stay tuned, this could be the funniest circus in years...

Ping Pong Balls of Death

From:  largefilm@megsinet.net

It was the first week of December of 1969 when the Pentagon
was "tossing ping-pong balls" to determine if we lived or died......

I was an art student at the university and we were silkscreening posters which read:

Happy Birthday Baby Jesus
You're Number is 263

Nonetheless it was the first week or so of December...

Being an art student in the sixties leaves me pretty damn foggy, but the reason
methinks 1969 rings the bell was because I remember the Pentagon
needing an additional 700,000 additional cannon-fodder that year.....

I'm a '49er, and I think I'm a year or two older than

Hope I Helped,

Sorokowski Photography

That was a sobering letter, and those were strange days..
I'm sure kids today have no idea what it's like to get a notice in the mail that says,
"Fuck your life and your plans and report to Vietnam for murder duty."

..and they HATE Bill Clinton for trying to stop that madness.

A shot of Chinaco to those who went,
and a shot of Chinaco for those who didn't.
(except for that nasty Pigboy.
 He gets a shot of penicillin for his infected ass.)

Ask BartCop

If the inconceivable happens, and Shrubya gets elected along with a GOP
majority in Congress, in a few short years he will also have named three new
Supreme Court Justices.  Then, by about 2002, all three branches of government
will be controlled by the GOP.  That hasn't happed since the 1920's.

You remember, from your fine Catholic education, the end result of
that misguided experiment in American politics.  Global economic collapse,
followed closely thereafter by world war.  Only this time, the world's economy
is far more interconnected, capital moves at light speed, and everybody is armed
to the teeth with nuclear weapons going in.

So events should play themselves out on a much faster time frame.
Instead of 10 to 15 years, the collapse and resultant global thermonuclear holocaust
could happen in just a matter of months, or even weeks.
All of which leads me to a theory.

Do you think the Christian Right supports the Shrub because they want to
hasten Armageddon and the return of Christ?

name withheld

Dear name,



Hot News

ABC radio just reported (11:05 CST) that McCain is "suspending" his campaign.
They said he is "suspending" his campaign instead of ending it so he can keep his
delegates, "in case something happens to Smirk's front-runner status."

I'm going to search the back issues and try to get an approximate date of
when I first predicted that Smirk will NOT be the party's nominee.


> BartCop,
> There's this asswipe, Rayne Poussard, who copies your stuff verbatim and
> puts it on In The News on Prodigy News BB without giving you credit.

> If he's a friend of yours and you don't mind, then fine. But I can't stand
> slobs who steal other people's material without citing the source.
> (withheld)

 Hey, I don't mind. At least he's a Democrat.
 Seems like I heard that name before, tho.
 If he's copying me verbatim,
 he's probably getting a lot of shit from the censors at Prodigy :)

 I appreciate the tip, but it's no biggie.
 I can't think of anything I've written that was worth fighting for,
 except maybe my Bill Bennett joke, and maybe "new hampster."
 I can't think of anything else that was good.


Heart-Stopping Mail

From:  jsw1@hotmail.com

Subject:   Dubya's Only Hope

I think I have a solution for George W. Bush if he wants to de-highlight his
status of being a dumb moron who got where he is today because of his daddy:

Pick J. Danforth Quayle to be his running mate.
It worked for Dad!

Jeff Williams

My heart got the hiccups when I read that.
But it's not as crazy as it sounds.

Smirk is an inexperienced governor.
He doesn't know Dole about foreign policy.
Quayle has the experience, the foreign policy expertise and the brains!
Plus, Quayle is battle-tested!

What a match!
Smirk'll never do it, the crazy bastard.
But then again, he might!

 Hard to Believe
 (True Story)

 Laura Schlessinger is such an evil pig.
 Minutes ago, she was talking to a woman who had been raped.

Caller:  I'm still struggling with feelings of shame.

Bitch: Feelings of shame?
           Feelings of shame?
           I love it when a weak woman lets her feelings get in her way.
           Tell me - did you stand on the corner with a sign that said,
          PLEASE RAPE ME!
           Is that what you did?

Caller: (wanting to die)  ........no............

Bitch: So where does the shame come from?

With my court experience, do you think if I strangled that heartless bitch,
 do you think I could get the jury to rule that it was justifiable homicide?

Ask BartCop

From:  janetofavalon@hotmail.com

Subject:  Nicholson's Ash

I'm watching the Paul and Ollie show on MSNBC. Jim Nicholson, head of
the RNC has ashes on his forehead! (Ash Wednesday)  Do you think he is
trying to send a message to the audience that Smirk really loves Catholics?


Dear Janet,



 Hot Mail

 From: ranting_wacko@hotmail.com

 Subject: Dave is The Best Damn Host on TV. :)

 Dave got off a few good lines tonight...

 "George W. won the three biggest states, yesteday...
 I wonder if he can NAME the three biggest states?"

 "George W Bush said today that he thought John McCain had
 brought out the best in him these past few days..."

 <Dave gets a look of shock/fright>

 "Wait... THAT'S His best?"

 Dave also commented "I'll bet he's a lot more fun when he's drinking."

 It wasn't all comedy though. Dave also predicted, in a more serious tone
 than I've ever seen, that Al Gore will "beat Bush like a drum."

 He called Clinton's term ...  "8 years of fun", lamented Dan Quayle's dropping
 from the race, and said he was kinda sorry to know that Gore practically has this
 in the bag and that George W. "had the potential to be a collosal boob".

 Sad isn't it Bart? To think of all the money you, me, Dave, Dennis, Chris
 and all the other comedians out there could make if Bush got into office....

 (That's the idea behind Mrs. BartCop's Jaguar.)

 Ah well.. maybe we'll luck out and get a Robertson/Falwell ticket in 2004.

 R. Wacko


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