Clinton - Bad for America?
Subject: Oil field workers
I heard a blurb on the radio the other day
that oil companies are having
problems finding workers because of the low unemployment situation.
This is true.
It's just another example of how Clinton has hurt this country.
When Reagan and Butch ran the show, we always had people
that needed work, but not anymore.
Clinton ruined unemployment for everyone.
You know how an avalanche starts?
Sometimes, ... it starts with just two little snowballs.
This avalanche just might warm your heart.
Subject: They're warming up the choppers!!
You don't know how badly the media wants the Elian story to turn ugly.
There is a TV station in Miami that only runs car wrecks 'n' crime, all the time.
This is the new story to overkill.
Menendez, Harding/Kerrigan, the Simps,
The House Mangler's opera "When Semen Had Wings," and now Elian.
Fuck the media.
Dittoes on that, btw72.
Brain Smasher Interviews Mr. Saturday Nite .38 Special
At the address below, you can hear some of each song free.
I got this double-CD in the mail over the weekend.
My favorite band was always Led Zeppelin.
I have one of the premier live Led collections in the world.
It goes without saying that Jimmy Page is God.
However, Robert Plant, for reasons known only to him,
hasn't wanted to play the "good" songs for 20 years.
Page was always the "Led," and Plant was the "Zeppelin."
Page was the heavy monster, Plant was the peacenik hippy.
Page wanted to do In My Time of Dying, Dazed, Heartbreaker,
while Plant wanted to sing Going to California and Tangerine.
Page got together with the Crowes and they're playing the good stuff.
Of course, it's not prime Zeppelin, but it's fun to hear the old classics.
Custard Pie, The Lemon Song, You Shook Me, and really nice versions
of What is & What Should Never Be, Ten Years Gone and Sick Again.
Available only on the net.
They're touring soon, and Page says they might do Achilles Last Stand.
That and Time of Dying are the most intense songs I've ever seen performed.
(BartCop has a red pyramid windowpane flashback - but returns safely)
I should tell the stories sometime of St Louis, OKC and Birmingham.
A shot of Chinaco for Jimmy Page
Paul Begala Shoots the Bull
I'm amazed and amused by the right wing's conception of the proper
of government. The same folks who don't trust the government to write
a health insurance policy DO trust the government to write a prayer.
So Big Government can save souls, but it can't save lives.
Remember the Republican debates?
George W. was asked last November what he would do if gasoline
prices were to skyrocket, (they were still quite low back then).
His answer was that he would ask his Texas oil buddies to pump more
The quote I remember was "Hey, fellas, pump more oil."
Isn't that precious?
Smirk apparently knows the oil business like he knows government.
Here's how that works: When the price of oil dropped, wells were closed.
The drillers found other jobs, because starving just ain't worth it.
Now, under Clinton, these drillers and roughnecks have high-paying jobs.
They're not going to leave these high-paying jobs to go back to those
sweaty oil fields hoping that oil will stay high enough long enough
for them to make enough money to justify leaving their current jobs.
"Hey, fellas, pump more oil," is a Smirk-for-brains solution to jack shit.
..and people wonder why I say Smirk won't make it thru August?
The ONLY way I'm wrong about this is if the GOP is so incredibly
goddamn stupid that they'd rather see four years of Gore than admit
they picked the wrong horse to bet on.
...I'm betting the GOP is smart enough to pour piss out of a boot?
This Just In...
Pigboy's playing audio of McCain saying,
"I will back the nominee of this party."
He didn't say he'd back Smirk, he said he's going to back
All Eyes On Hatch.
McCain knows what's coming.
Here's a funny site.
Catholics might want to give it a pass.
Click Here for Effenheimer.com
Poke 'em with a Stick
Subject: Hahaha - they never learn
Now Gore is poking them with the stick.
The dumb fucks.
And they are even getting Bush into it.
Gore Dismisses Calls for Investigations With a Smirk
WASHINGTON (AP) -- While Republicans press for new investigations
his missing e-mail and staff contacts with the IRS, Al Gore waves them off
as red herrings and says there is no scandal there.
George W Bush indicated he would keep both brewing.
"The problem with this administration is that we've heard all about these red
herrings before, but they always turn into additional ethical problems when the
truth comes out," said Bush campaign spokesman Ari Fleischer.
With a big-ass smirk, Gore said:
"I hope they spend a lot of time and a lot of energy on this."
From: Robert Dente email@example.com
If my images are so bad, why do you keeep using them?
Funny, this doesn't look like a lawsuit.
You said that was my, "Final warning."
Is this my, "Final warning, swear to God?"
Why do I keeep using them?
I liked your Supreme Court picture, and your Smirk snorting picture.
I'll be using them in the future.
I didn't say every image you did was terrible, just some of them.
You obviously have some talent, but you think you're a Koresh-send.
You're a vicious and hateful little worm,
but I have to laugh at your
vindictiveness and bruised ego. You paint an uglier picture of yourself
than any cartoonist ever could. You feed on you're own hate and hostility,
but you still don't have the balls to admit that you're an unprofessional hack
without integrity or skill-- just obsessive anger and the need to pop your
Sounds like Mr Wizard is not having a good day.
Did your lawyer give you some bad news?
Nor are you worthy of any more of my attention
and I have no doubt that
people will eventually see you for the spiteful creep you truly are.
You said you were going to sue me!
You got my hopes up, and now you let me down.
You have succeeded in making me feel sad.
You have won.
Religious Leaders Drank Blood
New Vision (Kampala)
March 28, 2000
Kampala - Doomsday cult leaders slaughtered a
child every Friday morning
and drank its blood in their sacred religious services.
James Mujuni reports that the bizzare ritual was
intended to keep the opposition at
bay and government agencies off the cult's crimes.
A senior special branch Police officer said the
leaders of the Movement for the
Restoration of the Ten Commandments of God contemplated the murder of over
1,000 members of their flock to stem off mounting opposition over the victims' property.
"The religious leaders consulted witches in Karoza
and Mityana. The witches
advised them to kill the opposition leaders and drink the blood of a young slain child
to keep off the spirits and Government," the police said.
The weekly Orumuri newspaper on Monday quoted
Flugensia Katano, a resident of
Rukungiri, as saying Father Dominic Kataribaabo and Sr. Credonia Mwerinde
carried out the murders and the cannibalism in their Kanungu office.
He said he never reported the matter to the authorities.
The Rev. Fr. Paul Ikazire,
the Roman Catholic priest who defected from the cult in 1994, told The New Vision
on March 24, that senior religious leader Joseph Kibwetere, ran mad in 1993.
How can you tell when a religious leader goes mad?
Bill Clinton - making government friendly again...
There's a rumor goin' round that this joke was stolen from theonion.com
It was sent to me, it was not my intention to steal it.
I don't get to theonion.com as much as I'd like.
It's a cool site.
If the USA Today can believed (50-50 chance)
the price of a barrel of oil October 1, 1999 was $24.
As of yesterday, a barrel of oil costs $27.
That means gasoline that costs $1.20 on October 1
should cost about $1.35 today.
I think if Sherlock Holmes was here,
I think he'd deduce that we're getting hosed by Big Oil.
You see, Congress could be looking into something like that, an
price-gouging scheme by Smirk's friends, the Wiley Brothers and Big Oil.
You know why, don't you?
How long you been reading bartcop.com?
The answer is always the same.
It's got nothing to do with Clinton's cock,
so there's no reason for Congress to investigate.
Am I sick yet?
Am I fucking sick yet, America?
I'm pissed off!
I'm mad as fucking hell!
I'm fed up!
Are you fed up, too?
I want everyone - right now - to go to your windows,
go to your windows right now, and open them up, and scream,
"We're mad as Hell, and we're not going to take it anymore!"
In Cleveland, and Atlanta, Boston and Salt Lake
Go to your windows, right now!
Miami, Seattle, Chicago and New York City!
Go to your windows and scream.
"GOP - Let go of Clinton's cock and get to fucking work!"
Philly, Charlotte, Denver and St Louis, stand up!
Go to your windows!
Do it right now!
"We're mad as Hell, and we're not going to take it anymore!"
"GOP - Let go of Clinton's cock and get to fucking work!"
San Francisco, Little Rock, Phoenix and Tupelo!
Get up off your ass, go to your windows!
"We're not going to take this shit anymore!"
Call your friends, tell them to open their windows!
Tell them to scream!
"GOP - Let go of Clinton's cock and get to fucking work!"
Shreveport, Omaha, Pittsburg and Baltimore!
Go to your windows and scream!
"We're mad as Hell, and we're not going to take it
Call your neighbors, call your in-laws.
Tell them to go to their windows and scream!
"GOP - Let go of Clinton's cock and get to fucking work!"
Kansas City, Buffalo, New Orleans and Aspen!
But, they'll never do it.
The Republicans will never stop.
They won't stop grabbing for Clinton's cock even when he's dead.
...and how sad is that?
Years from now, they'll have to bury William Jefferson Clinton
because if they don't, the scumbag GOP will dig up Clinton's body,
and open the casket and grab his cock, and say, "We got it!"
I need a drink...
Think I'm wrong?
BartCop on Their Side
I need to jump into bed with Mitch McConnell and Tom Coburn for
Last night, I saw Mitch McConnell, (R-Whore) on Chris the Catholic,
"If we amend the Bill of Rights to prohibit flag-burning, then we should ban the
singing of the Star-Stangled Banner like Roseanne did, right?
And if we do that, we should make it illegal to burn a Bible,
because that's worse than burning our flag, right?"
The Republican is right.
Leave the Constitution alone.
This morning, I heard Sen Diane Feinstein (D-Wrong) arguing FOR
amendment to criminalize flag-burning, which is really free speech, right?
The Democrat is wrong, the Republican is right
Then I hear Tom Coburn telling his constituents NOT to fill out
the long form
of the census, because it's "too intrusive."
The Jesus Twin is right.
No wonder Perkel for US Senate burned his census form on the capitol steps.
Some spokesman for the administration came on and said, "It's
fill out the forms so we can count the people, or we might lose a member
of Congress due to under-reporting of the population."
The long form wants a LOT more information than just numbers.
They want to know what time Ol' BartCop leaves for work?
How does that accurately measure population?
The administration is wrong, the Jesus Twin is right.
I don't like agreeing with the cavemen.
The Democrats need someone strong to lead them out of the abyss
as the best president of our lifetime looks at retirement.
What this country needs is top minds like BartCop and Perkel
Weddings are So Beautiful!!!
Congradulations to K-Drag AM radio Nazi Michael Del Giorno.
He got married!
Isn't marriage a wonderful sacrament?
A marriage is a contract between a man, a woman, and God.
Y'know, some of us, when we stand before God and take an oath to love,
honor, respect "till death do us part," some of us take that oath seriously.
To some of us, an oath means something, Michael!!!!
I know, I know...
That lusty itch you get between your legs can be very powerful.
But, I guess if you claim to be a person of faith, like Amy Grant,
and that itch is just keeps burning and burning,
because he/she has such a sweet, tight ass that just calls to you,
you can just hop from bed to bed from here till eternity, right?
I mean, screw the kids and my vows, because you have needs, right?
After all, it was God who put that itch in your pants,
so He's really the one at fault, right, Amy?
Isn't that right, Michael?
It's God's fault, right?
Swear to Koresh, there are times when I think I'm the one
with the spirituality.
If Ol' BartCop was religious, he'd live that faith every day in every fucking way.
These "occasional" Christians really make me sick.
They can't stand on the ground and let sleeping dogs lie, nooooooo.
They'd rather climb a tree to SCREAM at Clinton for his sins, then drop their
panties for somebody they're not married to and that makes me fucking sick.
I should go into the goddamn mirror business.
I'd make it rich, here in the "Buckle of the Bible Belt."
Special Thanks to JennyQ
Have you seen the cartoon on the opening page?
It was done by JennyQ1@aol.com
JennyQ is a talented, imaginative artist,
and she's not even suing me!
As one of the pillars of bartcop.com,
a shot of Chinaco for JennyQ!
Subject: Thinkin OUT LOUD
Regarding the shrubs visit to Little Rock
and his visit to Central High School.
Uh, am I the only one who saw the irony in George W coming to Central to
argue for more local control and less federal interference with public schools?
Wasn't that the Faubus/Johnson position in 1957?
Who in the heck let GWB appear at Central
High with a Bob Jones U graduate
(Tim Hutchinson) and then later with TWO BJU grads (Asa and Tim)?
Seems like the whole point of GWB going to Central was to smooth over the
Bob Jones flap and to make him look like a moderate Republican.
Are they smoking crack at the Bush campaign?
Subject: You need help
You are some kind of nuts!
Get some therapy now.
People reading your crap must be on drugs.
I know you are liking this , but it`s not supposed to be to your liking.
You must have grown up in the wrong part of town or something
really weard happpened to you early in life.
Become a REPUBLICAN now!
Marc Perkel Runs for US Senate
Marc Perkel, publisher of bartcop.com is running
for the US Senate.
Swear to Koresh, this is not a joke - he filed yesterday.
He's running against impeachment-loving John Ashcroft (R-Handjob)
Rumor has it, if Smirk picks Ashcroft as VP, to placate the McVeigh wing,
Perkel would run against Missouri's Governor Mel Carnahan in November.
How did Perkel kick off his Senate bid?
Like anybody would.
He set a fire!
This is Marc Perkel, today, setting fire to his long-form
between the Missouri State Capitol and the Missouri Supreme Court,
right after filing for the position of US Senate candidate..
Perkel has promised Ol' BartCop a part in his campaign.
Of course, "a part" is typical political weasel words, but I trust Perkel.
But wait - I haven't told you the
He's running as a REPUBLICAN!!
In Missouri, you don't register as Nazi or Democrat.
You just vote.
Perkel's politics are eerily like my own.
I asked him how he could run as a Republican since, on his web pages,
he argues for the de-criminalization of marijuana.
"Simple," he said. "I'm
for less government. Why should the
pay for men in helicopters to fly over private land and search for weeds?
I'm for less government!" insisted Perkel.
I asked how he could run as a Republican if he's pro-choice.
He reminded me, a majority of the GOP is pro-choice.
He expects that to help him,, not hurt him.
...and then the big one - legalized prostitution.
I asked him if he was going to deep-six his popular
"How to find the Best Escort Service" web page, you know what he said?
"This is America, and I'm running as
I'm a capitalist, and even though the government wants her to give it away,
I think a hard-working woman should be allowed to earn some money."
Perkel wants to deliver LESS GOVERNMENT!
The Republicans all claim they want less government, but then the Coathanger
Coalition writes a bunch of stupid, illogical laws for their trained monkeys to push,
even though they admit they're getting their instructions from invisible ghosts!!!
Let's hear it for LESS GOVERNMENT!
You don't ever want to tell Marc Perkel he cannot do something.
Remember in 1998, he was falsely ARRESTED and illegally JAILED
while an active candidate for the US House of Representatives.
I asked him if he was jail-proof as a candidate for the
US Senate, and he said,
"No, but they won't murder me while I'm running."
PERKEL (R-Mo) for US SENATE
Oscar Picks Update
In my extraordinarily-accurate Oscar picks story, I wrote:
I like Kevin Spacey.
When they do the BartCop movie, he should play me.
Now I get wiseguy mail...
By the time they do the Bartcop movie,
Kevin Spacey will look like Richard Farnsworth.
Subject: Elian Gonzales
Have you heard? Not only have the Miami-Cubans
formed a human chain around
the house but the Virgin Mary has gotten in on the act. The family claims
that she (She???) appeared in a mirror in the house. I guess God would
rather Elian visit with Mickey Mouse than with his father.
Duhboid, we are on the case!
I checked with the boys over at BartCop Labs Inc.,
specifically Bruce Chadbourne, firstname.lastname@example.org
Bruce and the boys got the original picture...
ran it thru the supercomputer,
cleaned up the image,
took out all the white noise,
took out all the UV distortion
and made a startling discovery.
As Pigboy would say,
The Catholics were right!
Thanks to Bruce and the boys at the lab.
Do you own a TV?
Cuban-Americans in Miami are saying they'll form a h-u-m-a-n-c-h-a-i-n
of thousands of people around the house where Elian Gonzales is staying.
They say they will form an unbreakable chain so the INS agents can't
return little Elian to his heartsick daddy in Cuba.
Have you ever heard of a better Made-for-TV moment?
I'll give you 100-to-1 that backdoor Bettina Gregory will be there.
The big question:
Will Clinton put Janet Reno in charge of crowd control?
Picture for No Damn Reason.
This is a true and accurate picture.
Everyone knows you can't hardly get more GOP than Chuck Heston.
Yet, you see here something that makes you say, hmmmmmmmm.
This is a true and accurate picture of Charlton Heston trying to get
former FBI Director J. Edgar Hoover and Cornel Wilde - dangerous ground, indeed.
Hoover seems to be licking his lips, and check out the look of lust
on ol' Chuck!
Heston was overheard asking Cornel where he bought the pants...
Swear to Koresh, this is not a BartCop gag!
Settles Dung Suit for $5.8 Million
NEW YORK (Reuters) - Mayor Rudy Julie Annie's
attempt to cut city funding
to a Brooklyn museum for displaying a painting he didn't like has cost the city
$5.8 million in a court settlement announced on Monday.
In an agreement approved by a federal judge,
New York City and the museum
agreed to end all litigation in an episode that centered on free speech rights and
some worthless portrait with elephant shit on it.
Monday's settlement read in part:
"An additional $5.8 million will be included in the mayor's upcoming executive budget.''
money is that?
The hard-working people of New York pay a LOT in taxes, right?
That's not what the little kitty thinks.
The little kitty threw away $5,800,000 for no goddamn reason.
How many wrongful death police shootings could you settle with that money?
How many homeless people could you feed and shelter with an extra $5,800,000?
Wait, I forgot.
They're getting free food and shelter in New York City jails.
A black GOP leader,
A black GOP leader, Faye Anderson,
has resigned her post as Vice Chairman of
the New Majority Council, a group the GOP had hoped would reach out to minorities
and help erase the stench of decades of Bible-based ignorance and outright racism.
She has also quit the Republican Party, blasting the GOP for its racist affiliations.
"In the spirit of the season, the Republican Party
should do some serious spring cleaning
because the stench up under the 'big tent' with the likes of the CCC, David Duke,
Confederate flag wavers and Bob Jones has become intolerable,'' Anderson says.
"'Personally, I need some fresh air."
This woman just figured out the Republican Party is run by a pack of racist dogs?
Isn't that like joining a Harley Davidson riding club and then quitting saying,
"these people enjoy riding loud motorcycles?"
Methinks we have a who're on our hands.
Uncle OJ's father said it best.
"A black person voting GOP is like a chicken voting for Colonel Sanders."
Memo to Ms. Anderson:
Don't come over to our side.
You are not welcome in our party.
We don't like traitors and we don't like whores.
Clinton the Genius
He's so good, it's scary.
Clinton has asked Governor Ventura to head the very important
China trade something, I don't care and it's not important.
Clinton gave "The Body" some busywork to keep him on a leash.
If Jesse is working for Clinton, he can't very well lead the peasents
in an uproarious, grass-roots attack on Al Gore's presidential campaign.
Who are the people who could create a problem for Gore?
- Colin Powell, and he says he's not interested.
- John McCain, who will be the eventual GOP nominee, and lose
- Jesse Ventura could ride a "screw them all" wave into the White House
but not if he's working for Clinton/Gore at the time.
Clinton knows his defense.
Remember, he has a Republican Sec. of Defense.
His Sec. of State has Jesse Helms eating out of her hand.
His biggest political enemies are either gone or they're Dan Burton and Larry Klayman.
People think Clinton gave us 8 years of peace and prosperity due to
That's not it.
Clinton looks waaaaaay ahead for potential troubles.
He can stop potential trouble 100 miles away, unless it has fur on it.
It's not luck.
He's a genius.
VCR Alert - sort of
Friday night live on Dennis Miller...
The man who calls Bill Clinton, "that fucking rapist."
The man who calls Nancy Reagan, "a whore."
The man who called Mother Theresa, "a whore."
...yes, it's Maureen Dowd's boyfriend,
Like Maureen Dowd, Hitchens hates everybody.
The topic this week?
"Smirk vs Gore"
Tune in, see who he hates more...
The Wiley Brothers
He Who Smirks has an editorial
in today's USA Today.
(I wonder how many staffers proof-read it for spelling errors?)
Smirk explains all about campaign finance problems and how to fix them.
- ban corporate and union "soft money."
- require unions to get permission to spend money for politics
- require instant disclosure on the Internet
- prohibit donations while congress is in session
- adjust contribution levels for inflation
- eliminate the "rollover" loophole from previous campaigns
Poor Smirk, he got one out of six right, the blue sentence above.
Wait - one out of six - wasn't that his average at Yale?
Smirk failed to mention the Wiley Brothers.
Many people know about them, but in case you haven't heard...
When McCain was kicking Smirk's ass in New York, by 15 points or so,
the Wiley Brothers, good old rich Republicans from Texas, showed up
with their big wallets and bought $2,000,000 in New York TV time to
run commercials saying McCain hated clean air and clean water.
Even in New York, $2,000,000 will buy a lot of TVcommercials.
Under Smirk's "new campaign finance rules," that's legal.
It's like Smirk wants to regulate ten and twenty dollar bills,
but wants 50 and 100 dollar bills to be regulation free.
Smirk is so stupid, he might believe he's doing the right thing.
But what good does it do to see a list of Smirk's contributors on the
if the Wiley Brothers can secretly whip out their wallets 1,500 miles from home
to finance a stealthy hate-campaign against a decorated war hero?
I didn't hear every Pigboy lie yesterday.
Did he mention Andrea Mitchell's husband?
It's unusual for Alan Greenspan to speak in clearly-understood English,
but yesterday he told the Senate Special Committee on Aging:
"Saving the surpluses is the most important measure we can take
at this time to foster continued improvements in productivity."
Now, Sherlock Pigboy is going use his magnifying glass and find the
"We need to give the rich a huge tax cut," in those comments by Greenspan.
Like a good detective, Rush catches what we all miss.
...talent on loan from God.
Subject: breast beater season.......
You can tell it's election season......the
demagoguery is reaching it's usual frenzy,
and of course the republican legislators (and a smattering of insecure democrats)
have latched back on to the Flag Desecration Amendment.
These intellectually bankrupt asswipes don't want a solution to our supposed
flag-toasting propensity......because if they did they'd pass a simple law making it
illegal to manufacture or distribute flags not made of fireproof material.
Can't have that - it might solve the problem!!
And then, the GOP would need a new "crisis" to scare the ignoratti.
What would Pigboy whine about without this "impending crisis?"
Yesterday's USA Today had a full page ad of Colin Powell telling
the GOP to
knock off this bullshit flag-burning non-issue and leave the constitution alone.
Gore couldn't lose this election if his campaign HQ was a Buddhist temple.
Great GOP Quotes
"God does not forbid women to be leaders in society,
...but when that
occurs it's usually because of the abdication of men. As in the situation of
Deborah and Barak, there's a certain shame attached to it. I would vote for
a woman for the presidency, in some situations, but again, there's a certain
shame attached. Why don't you have a man who's able to step forward?
God's Word says very plainly that an elder is to be a man; he
is to be the
husband of one wife. It's harder when there are women who are CEOs of
companies and so forth. Still, it comes down to the question of 'Do we trust
God and do we believe that He has wisdom that we don't have.' "
--Smirk advisor Marvin Olasky,
author of the philosophy "compassionate conservatism"
Thanks to email@example.com
the best source of news on the www
Christmas in March
From: Robert Dente firstname.lastname@example.org
Subject: Stop using my images.
You do NOT have my permission to use any of my images.
That was a pretty shitty thing you did regarding
my privacy and if you
continue to use ANY of my images I'll file a law suit. The images have
digital watermarks imbedded in them and I'll have no problem proving
that they are mine -- this is your final warning.
The Wizard of Whimsey
Isn't this the cutest thing you ever saw?
I spent last week pissing on G. Gordon Liddy's pants,
and now the Wizard of Whimsey is threatening me?
This has gotta be a gag.
Is that you, Artie?
Mr. Wizard, I'm flattered that you still read bartcop.com.
Do you really think there's a way to stop me from publishing?
I'll publish what I want, when I want.
You can't stop me.
Pigboy can't stop me.
Laura can't stop me.
Smirk can't stop me.
If your lawyer is Scalia, you can't stop me.
You gonna file a lawsuit against Ol' BartCop?
Could you please do it in a state where cameras are allowed?
I'll bet the bartcop.com readers would love to see it.
Hey, maybe it'll be on Court TV!
Tell you what, I'll make you a deal:
I won't publish this image anymore.
I don't even know what the fuck it is.
You see, it wasn't accompanied by any text, so it could be anything.
Is this Rush dancing?
Is he putting out a cigarette with his shoe?
Who knows what the fuck that is...
That's why I stopped using your work.
It's just not good enough for bartcop.com
The images have digital watermarks imbedded in
I'll have no problem proving that they are mine
Who else would claim them?
You expecting a big court challenge from others claiming to be the Wizard of Whimsey?
When did the doctor say that head swelling would go down?
...this is your final warning.
Make him stop!
My final warning?
You gonna come get me, Whimsey?
Maybe you could get the others and team up against me!
Rush, Laura, Larry Klayman, Liddy and the Wizard of Whimsey!
The Dream Team!
The Dream Team, against Ol' BartCop!
Tell me, who'd be the brains of your team?
I'd suggest Liddy, but I've already kicked his ass.
Y'know, as fun as this is, my heart's just not in it.
It would be so much more fun if you were a Republican, but noooo.
You're a Democrat, a good guy, who's just a liiiiiiiiiittle too proud
of some less-than-extraordinary images.
That's too bad.
If you were a Republican prick, I'd enjoy teasing you more.
Tell you what, since you're on the right side of the issues,
I'm going to do you a favor.
Before you spend any money, have your lawyer contact me
and I'll straighten him out so it won't cost you anything.
For a Girl
Tamara Baker Hits Hard!
(Probably not Tamara Baker)
SAINT PAUL, Minnesota, March 27 (AmpolNS) --
"When I do it, it's OK; when YOU do it, it's bad."
I swear to God, folks, that seems to be the motto of the Republican Party.
-- Republican Newt Gingrich got Democratic House Speaker Jim
over a $55,000 book deal Wright cut. Then, one week before Newt becomes
Speaker in 1995, what did he do? Gingrich cut a book deal with Rupert
Murdoch for $4.5 million -- nearly eighty times what Wright got.
-- In a blatant quid pro quo. In exchange for his $4.5 million,
passed legislation that, among other things, put $65 million into
Murdoch's pocket by slashing his taxes (and his alone), and allowed the
existence of FOX News by repealing the law against foreign ownership of
more than 25 percent of a US media enterprise.
-- Dick Armey attacked Clinton over Paula Jones, saying that
if he, Dick
Armey, had even faced accusations (not convictions or even evidence, mind
you, just mere accusations) similar to the sexual harassment ones leveled
against President Clinton, that he, Dick Armey, would resign his position.
However, Mr. Armey is not a man of his word: several females, all former
students of his, came forward to say that the former Economics Chair of a
Texas university did not take "no" for an answer when it came to having his
sexual advances being rebuffed...and Dick Armey didn't resign from anything.
-- Bill Clinton got raked over the coals for boneheadedly succumbing
blandishments of an intern with a groupie mentality. Meanwhile, Republican
horndog serial adulterers such as Henry Hyde, Bob Dole, Helen Chenoweth,
Bob Barr, Dan Burton and (but of course!) Newt Gingrich are called "statesmen."
And now, we have another example.
RNC Chair Jim Nicholson has just been burning up the fax lines
get his Freeper minions to keep up the heat on the mainstream press to
"cover" the Maria Hsia campaign-finance convictions I mentioned last week.
But what Mr. Nicholson would rather you didn't know, is this:
Even as the GOP harangues Gore over foreign donations that were
returned, and over a case against Hsia so bogus that Hsia's presiding judge is
even now considering dismissing the charges despite the guilty verdict, the
Associated Press reported on March 24, 2000, that the Republican Party
has been pushing strongly for legalizing foreign soft-money donations.
You read that right.
As Jonathan Salant reported for AP, records showed that in 1999,
Republican Party lawyers argued that contributions from foreign sources
should be considered legal -- even as GOP officials were attacking
Democrats for accepting those contributions.
Here are some excerpts from Salant's story:
* In a case that escaped much public attention, GOP lawyers submitted
briefs to the Federal Election Commission last year claiming that the federal
ban on foreign contributions applied solely to donations to candidates, not the
unregulated sums known as soft money that are given to the political parties.
* "Foreign national donations to party committee non-federal
legally permissible...," the Republican National Committee's lawyers wrote
in a brief in a dispute over a loan from a foreign businessman. "It could
not be more apparent that ... Congress intended the proscriptions of the
Federal Election Campaign Act to apply only to 'hard money' contributions."
Yupper, folks: The GOP says that foreign-money donations are
OK so long as
it's "soft money." But wait! There's more:
* Republican officials said lawyers were simply trying to make
possible case from the available law and rulings, but did not believe the
loan should have been treated as a foreign donation as regulators argued.
* "It has always been the policy of the RNC not to accept foreign
contributions," spokesman Mike Collins said.
...unless, of course, they're cunningly-disguised book deals
from Rupert Murdoch,
or monies given to then-RNC Chair Haley Barbour by Chinese businessmen in
Kowloon Harbour (more on that little sweet little arrangement in a moment.)
But back to the excerpts from Mr. Salant's story:
* ...the GOP has relentlessly tried to make the vice president's
the controversy -- including his visit to a Buddhist temple where illegal donations
were made -- an issue in the campaign...
* But the same scandal prompted revelations that Republicans,
before their historic 1994 election victory that gave them control of Congress,
arranged a $2.1 million loan from a Hong Kong businessman. Former RNC
chairman Haley Barbour has defended his role in arranging the loan.
* The FEC's chief lawyer recommended a full-scale investigation
whether Barbour knew the money came from foreign sources, but the
six-member commission deadlocked along party lines.
* Before the case was dropped, the RNC defended Barbour in a
legal filings. The GOP's main argument was that the loan should not be
considered a campaign contribution and therefore the ban on foreign
donations was irrelevant.
* The party's lawyers also argued that if the loan was considered
to be a
contribution, then the foreign ban did not apply. The lawyers said the
rule applied only to donations to candidates, known as hard money, and not
to the unregulated contributions to political parties often referred to as
soft money or non-federal donations.
* That's the same argument Attorney General Janet Reno used in
appoint an independent counsel to investigate the 1996 fundraising
practices, a decision often criticized by Republicans.
Again: If the Republicans do it, it's okay. If Democrats do it, it's bad.
Salant reports that the DNC has gone to court to force the FEC
its investigation of Barbour. I should certainly hope so!
Perhaps the FEC needs a little extra persuasion.
Here's how to contact them:
Federal Election Commission
999 E Street N.W.
Washington, DC 20463
In Washington: (202) 694-1100
For the hearing impaired, TTY (202) 219-3336
You know what to do...
Copyright © 2000, Tamara Baker
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