Vol 193 - They Broke Elian's Bed!

April 23, 2000

They Broke Elian's bed!

ha ha

When did they break Elian's bed?

That was a kick-ass bed, wasn't it?
I was all grown up by the time they invented those killer Ferrari beds.
What could be more cool than being a six-year old Cuban boy
sleeping in a Ferrari bed, with his own customized motorized 4x4 outside,
wearing those inflatable Nike tennis shoes, puppies coming out the Wazoo,
watching MTV, going to McDonald's, and don't forget the thousands
of people outside squeeling whenever the poor kid went to the window.
What's it like to be six-years old and be told,
"You're so special, the Virgin mary appeared just to let us know?"

Think of the life this kid could've had if he desired a sex life?

Go here, again,


This series of photos show the cops as they entered the room.
It stays with them until they left the room.
When did they break the bed?
When did they have time?

This wasn't a search.
They weren't even opening drawers.
They just wanted the kid.
When did they break the bed?
When did they have time?

AFTER they had Elian in custody?

I can't speak for those cops, but if you were them, wouldn't you
want to be out of that goddamn house just as soon as possible?

Those cops had two goals:
1. Grab the kid
2. Get the hell out of there.
When did they have time to break the bed?
Who is going to take the time to gratuitously destroy a children's bed when
they know for a fact that an angry, religiously-insane mob is gathering outside

Why did the family wait FOUR HOURS after the cops left to let reporters inside?
What was the reason for the delay?

The family used that time.

Isn't it funny that after publically stating that they would not assist
federal agents doing their duty, the local Miami whiners are complaining
that they weren't told of the raid in advance?

ha ha

What a dumb-ass complaint!

We all know if they'd been tipped off, they would've gone on TV
and filled the streets with panicky religiously-insane Cuban Catholics
who would've surrounded the house to protect the Christ-child.

When the inevitable clashes occured, with inevitable casualties,
the locals would've blamed Reno/Clinton for bungling the whole deal.

ha ha

You're just angry because you were outsmarted!

Hey, Miami!

84 percent of the country thinks you're insane!

 Poll Update

 From: jayspieler@hotmail.com

 Subject: Elian/Fox

 Check it out, bro!!

 Even the Fox Whore Network's OWN POLL show public apprval of the seizure,

 54% - 46% as of 10:53 EDT!!

 Even their rightwing viewership balks at their spin!

 Jay Spieler

Celebrity Mail

From: Tamara Baker
(She hits hard for a girl)

In case you missed it (but instead caught all the crap from the GOP Politicians)

Channel 4,News: Interview with Rev Joan Brown Cambell (National Council Of Churches)
She was present at the Reunion of Elian with his father and family.

She stated that it was amazing how the bond between the
father and the boy was instantly resurrected.  Elian was
amazingly healthy in his behaviour, and obviously happy.
She was present when the picture was taken...

(Ediotr's note: I feel a lot better. The "happy" photos looked "funny" to me.)

...and she spent 2 1/2 hours with the family.  She said that when Elian did
"little boy things" like jumping on the furniture, his dad would just say his name,
with a mild sternness, and Elian responded correctly.  She said that this showed
her that Juan is a loving father and disciplinarian, and that the bond between them is strong.

   The above description by an eyewitness to the Reunion tells me:

1.  The slant that was attempted by the Laz Family Photographer
(photographing the officer with his weapon, prepared for anything) and the idea
that these officers operated with any disregard for Elian's well being
(mentally, as well as physically) is totally wrong!

2. The news people want to sell news so badly (the competition is fierce)
that they will abort reality to slant it to any sensationality that will sell

3. Clinton Haters are showing their statements to be foolish, the pompous,
envious, and well founded jealousy of these people is paramount
(don't ya love how everyone is using that word lately)

Tamara Baker

Have you seen the CNN poll?

Before we go there, remember how insanely pro-Republican the Internet is.

Remember the poll where 85 percent of cyber space said Bill Clinton had
nothing to do with the current economy?

So, check out cnn.com

That poll asks:

Did federal agents act properly in grabbing Elian the way they did?


64 percent

They should've grabbed him, but not this way.

20 percent

They should leave Elian with the kidnappers

16 percent.

So, 84 percent of the right-wing Internet says the kid belongs with Daddy.
As they always do, the Republicans have chosen to fuck this up.



Yet there are almost NO pro-Clinton voices on TV.

You know why?

Because - BIG SURPRISE - the media is whoring this whole deal.
It's so much more controversial to have ditto-monkeys screaming
"Reno and Klinton are coming to steal YOUR kids."

I mean, why cover the news responsibly?
Why not whore it to death, instead, and then go on CNN's Reliable Sources
and whine about how things have gotten out of hand?

Check out Captain Comb-over

Smith has turned into more of a grandstanding whore than Dan Burton,
at least on this Elian business. Why is he even involved in this?

Florida senator Connie Mack (R-Whore) can't handle the Cuban outrage?

Gimme an "H"

Gimme an "O"

Gimme an "R"

Gimme an "S"

Gimme an "E"

Gimme an "S"

Gimme an "H"

What's that spell?


Republicans say they can't believe this happened in America.
This charge is so totally preposterous.

What about Chicago in 1968?
  That's OK, they were liberals.
What about Kent State in 1969?
  That's OK, they were students protesting an immoral war.
What about Rudy's rough boys in New York?
  That's OK, they were only niggers.

Remember MOVE in Philadelphia?
The cops dropped a monster-size bomb on the roof of a building
and ended up burning down the whole goddamn block.
  That's OK, they were only niggers.

Remember the Patty Hearst SLA Shootout in Los Angeles?

The cops got a tip that the whole gang was hiding in some house,
and they refused to come out, so the police destroyed the house with
bullets and eventually fire until all of the people were fucking dead.
  That's OK, they were nigger-led.

Massive, first-degree executions - no Miranda, no trial,
just thousands of bullets in a Dirty Harry kind of way.

Did the Republican party have any problems with any of those?


Even Ruby Ridge, which those idiots in Miami keep writing on their
signs as an example of how evil Clinton is, was ignored by the GOP
because Bush was in charge at the time.

This is the same bullshit charge Clinton faces on his handling of the military.

None dead = Clinton is a bad man.
Many dead = it's OK if a Republican was in charge,


Have you noticed the wacky double-standard the GOP is using?

They say Janet Reno stupidly took advice from a shrink who had
never even met Elian, claiming, "How can you possibly know what's
on someone's mind without even meeting them."

Then, after Reno met with Elian's father, they said,
"Oh, Janet Reno is using the old I-looked-in-his-eyes method of gathering facts."

So, either way, Reno is wrong?

Senator Bob Smith (R-Quitter) has the family live on CNN right now.
As you'd expect, they are crying and crying and crying.

That Dalrymple shit is crying, "Mr. President, you KNEW there
were no weapons in that house - you KNEW that."

Excuse me, Mr. Cry Baby, just how did Clinton know that?

They're angry because they lost.
They're angry that nobody was killed.
They're angry Elian's rescue went smoothly.

Juan Williams

Yesterday on Fox Whore News, I caught a few minutes of Juan Williams
the Clinton-hater, d e f e n d i n g the Clinton administration.

What's up with that?

Why would Juan my-kids-want-to-go-to-Harvard Williams defend
an administration he hates so deeply and openly?

Why is he trying to portray himself as a liberal again?

Hey Juan, go to hell.

We don't want you back.
Stay on the side of the Clinton-hating whores.

Your black ass is bought-and-paid for by Rupert Murdoch, so stop
pretending you have liberal leanings, you Judas Maximus wannabe.

But then today, Sunday, we have this:

Brit Hume: I think it's obvious that when it comes to this administration,
                   they've made NO MOVES  in the boy's best interests.

Juan Williams: I think you're right.

Juan, instead of going to hell, why don't you just fuck yourself?
It would save time.

 Mail Bag

 From: XaThega@aol.com

 Subject: Drudge Report fuck-up

 Remember this line from the Drudge Report the other day?

 "White House eyes will not be focused on Elian Gonzalez this weekend
 -- they'll be focused on Sue Schmidt, author of the new book that
 Washington is supposedly so scared of."

 I bet Matt feels like a Grade-A asswipe right now, eh?

 Poor Matt,

 He only knows what they feed him.
 He has no independent thoughts.


The bedroom door that we saw broken in half  after Elian
was taken was intact when agents left with the boy.


So - who broke the door?
I'd hate to blame the family, since they've been so sincere thru all this.

The family is forced to take the position that AFTER they had the boy,
federal agents took the time to break the bedroom door in half.

That's a position I'd hate to defend.

April 22, 2000

 Celebrity Mail  w/Update

 From: drgonzo@pipeline.com

 Subject: The photo that Fox keeps showing...

 ...looked to me when I first saw it like a Federal law enforcement
 official BACKING OFF as Dalrymple used Elian as a HUMAN SHIELD.

 Dr. Dave Gonzo
 AMPOL magazine

 I agree with your diagnosis, Doctor.

Another photo has surfaced, taken seconds BEFORE the photo above.

This photo was sent to  bartcop.com  labs for verification.
As you can see, this photo taken seconds prior shows the weapon
aimed higher, then was lowered.
I think Fishboy was, indeed, using Elian as a human shield

If you're a frequenter of the Free Republic circus,
they are saying the Elian "happy" photos are Cuban fakes.

They, too, were sent to  bartcop.com  labs and found to be real.

 Stroke Me, Stroke Me

"Don't you long for the good old days
 when vaginas were seen and not heard?"
  -- Limba, like Newt, currently on his third vagina

I found out what that was about.

The Vagina Monologues

The mayor's wife?
The Republican mayor's wife?

...in "The Vagina Monologues?"

ha ha

You know what the play's about?

"It's about talking to dozens and dozens of women
 about day-to-day problems with their vaginas."

 ha ha

 Hey Rudy, where's your wife?


 Just before 6 AM EST this morning, the Fox News banner read,

 When the hateboys got to the office it suddenly changed to


 because Fox News didn't think "removed" would cause a riot,
 so they changed "Removed" to "seized in raid" trying to incite one.

 Fox Whore News - We Whore, You Call Us On It!

Great Smirk Quotes

"Ours is a nation of laws, not guns. Custody disputes are resolved in
  the calm of a courtroom, not in the terror of middle of the night raids."

 ha ha

 This, from the man who holds the western hemisphere record for
 most state-sanctioned murders?

 ha ha

 Tell you what, Smirk.
 Why don't I come take your twin daughters away and,
 instead of getting the police involved, hire a lawyer
 and let some judge set a hearing thirty days from now.

 Oh, and I'll take that 15-year old nasty niece-model of yours, too!
 She models without pants on!!!
 Ladies and Gentlemen, Lauren Bush - Smirk's niece!

 C'mon, Smirk!
 That's want you want for Elian!

 ha ha


I'm gonna miss Ol' Smirk!

Entire GOP on Suicide Watch
Clinton Wins Again!

Why is the GOP so depressed?

A father and son have been reunited.
Look at that severe trauma!
Will he ever recover from "the Reno nightmare?"

ha ha

That's the happiest I've ever seen him.
Or, did his daddy brainwash him in 2 hours?

It's a family!
Make it stop!

ha ha

The GOP is so distraught.
Clinton wins again!

ha ha

Elian, reunited with his little half-brother.
What a nice Easter present President Clinton has given America

That nutty Cuban family is flying to Washington.
For what?

Dad:  Hey, Elian!
         Marisleysis is on the phone...

Elian: Who?

Dad: Marisleysis!

Elian: Who's that?

Dad: You know, Marisleysis, the lady who held you captive.

Elian: Tell her to ship my motorized 4x4 Jeep to me!
           ...and my damn cell phone, too!

ha ha

GOP Suicide Watch!

What's that?
The Republicans want to know if we can get them
some rope and leave them alone for a few minutes?

ha ha

They can't stand that this kid is happy
and they look really, really stupid!


ha ha

Y'know what I'm gonna do?
I'm going to have me a shot of Chinaco!

It's just like Laura the Unloved always says:
"Nothing is better than a mommy and a daddy
 in a loving, committed relationship to bring up a child."

What's that?

The GOP was found dead, swinging from a tree?

ha ha

The way Clinton's luck is running, it'll rain in Miami later today,
and this whole religio-crazed protest will just be yesterday's bad memory.

Clinton wins again!

Fox Whore News keeps asking:

Why isn't Clinton more personally involved in this Elian mess?


Dammit, we sure wish we could pin this on Clinton, instead of Reno.

ha ha

Pin what on Reno?
Somebody take a poll.
I'll bet the majority says, "Job well done."

Any bets?

 Gas Prices

 I filled up Mrs. BartCop's touring sedan this morning.
 Super Premium gasoline was $1.38.

 Another great Republican issue down the drain.

 ha ha

 Remember just a few weeks ago Smirk said repealing that
 4 cent tax would save the American economy?

 ha ha

Smirk, I'm going to miss you...

 Let me get this straight:

 When Rudy's New York cops fire 41 shots at an innocent man,
 and kill him deader than Smirk's chances in November, that's a good thing?

 But when Reno's cops wave guns around and shout to resolve a never-ending
 kidnapping crisis,  injuring nobody, that's a bad, bad thing, right?

 The real truth?

 The GOP threw away the life of that man in New York because they
 want Rudy to beat Hillary in November. Plus, he was black.

 The GOP wants to keep Elian from going back to Cuba because they
 hate Castro and they want The Smirk to carry Florida in November.

 ...but it's not about politics.

How 'bout a non-Elian cartoon?

Hey, Ralphie!
Is your left hand moving?

 A Wager is Proposed

 From:  tomb@ptialaska.net

 Subject: I'll bet you some tequila

 I would like to propose a bet.

 1. I believe pigboy will will have a comment on the timing of the Elian
 affair. My guess is that during the first hour pigboy will say the raid
 took place when it did because he doesn't have a weekend show.

 He will say that they wouldn't do it on a weekday. We both
 know he will say this, the bet will have to be on when he says it.

 2. We both know that pigboy lives his life according to the highest
 principles, so here is the second bet.

 In the second hour, even in the midst of this heart wrenching situation,
 pigboy will make a bid to get on Monday Night Football.

 I'll only be able to catch a few minutes of the Monday show so
 I will have to trust you on these proposals if you agree to these terms.


 ha ha


 ha ha

  Of course he's going to say both of those, maybe in the first 30 minutes.
 He'll mention the first thing while "My City Was Gone" is still playing.

 Rush would light a tire around Elian's neck if it would:
 - get him an inch closer to Monday Night Football, or
 - get him an inch closer to another half-rating's point.

 He's just like Laura the Unloved - any goddamn thing for another nickel.

 Why is Laura the Unloved so silent about a child-custody matter?

 Newest Ranking of Republican Priorities Released

 1. Clinton's Cock

 2. Politics

 3. Elian's wishes

 4. Electing Smirk

 5. Everything else

 6. The Rule of Law

 7. Families being together

 Swear to Koresh

 Fox News has just announced 12:30 EST  that had a secret source on
 the plane with Elian and that he was dragged kicking and screaming
 alllllllllll the way to Washington, yelling for his "surrogate mother."

 No attribution to that tremendously explosive assertion,
 just a "secret source" on the plane.

 How many goddamn people did they have on that plane?

 ...or is Fox News just priming the riot pump?

 Celebrity Mail

 From:  bettybowers@mindspring.com

 Subject: "Shopping for Janet Reno" by Betty Bowers

 I just got a new roll of film developed from visiting the
 Alien Gonzales relatives down in Miami. I am so pleased
 that they have moved him to a more upscale neighborhood.

 Betty Bowers,
 whose Christian CHARITY* knows no national border

 *Christians Having A Righteously Itemized Tax Year

ha ha

Go, Betty!

 Check out the timing of the raid.

 "The terrible federal government soldiers came in the
  middle of the night when there weren't many people here."


 Maybe that's when it would be easiest?
 Maybe that's when the fewest would get hurt?
 Maybe that's why the riots are slow getting started.

 If they had come late in the afternoon, the religio-nuts would be
 seething as the sun set, and they'd grab gas cans and start a big party!

 This way, them nutty folk find out slowly, as they wake up at different times.
 Looks like it was handled just fine, but you never can tell
 what might happen when the religious mind snaps like a twig.

 This sad story is getting funnier by the hour.

 It's 11 AM EST, and by now all the really wild Fox News writers have
 made it to their desks and are cranking out the hate.
 Now the story has a new lead sentence:

"Elian Seized by Federal Agents at Gunpoint from Family Home."

 Yep, the federal government is going door-to-door, stealing children
 so Janet Waco Reno can run unspeakable medical experiments on them!
 Be sure to hide YOUR kids, and stay tuned to Fox Whore News
 for all the details of where the Reno death squads will strike next.
 Fox News - We whore, you call us on it.

 Then came our old buddy Newt Gingrich.
 He knows Smirk doesn't have a chance in November, so Newt's looking
 for the spark that will set Miami ablaze. As of 11 AM CST, this is his best:

 "Janet Reno has clearly,  ...this woman,   ...I mean, ... my God,"
  then he pauses for effect, looks into the camera and wonders aloud,
  Did she not learn anything from Waco?"

 ha ha

 Newt, I missed you.
 Welcome back!

 Newt sees no difference between 88 religious nuts in Waco choosing to
 commit mass-suicide and a boy being reunited with his Daddy.

 Newt knows better, so it makes me wonder why he's saying that.
 The Democrats and the independents and the sane Republicans know
 what happened, but Newt is talking to the Cubans and the Clinton-haters.

 This is another reason the Republicans can't win an election,
 and I have an example for you.

 Newt is like a first base umpire.
 In a game between the Yankees and the Dodgers, every time a ball is
 hit on the ground to an infielder, Newt is calling every Yankee runner safe
 and he's calling every Dodger runner out.

 When asked how every Yankee could be safe and every Dodger is called out,
 Newt looks into the camera and says, "The Yankees are a faster team."

 But here's the kicker.
 The game is on television!

 The Democrats and the Independents and the sane Republicans know
 that not all Yankess are safe and not all Dodgers are out.

 Like a baseball game, all of America is watching this on TV,
 and Newt sees something different than the other 3/4 of the country.
 Like a crooked umpire, he's not calling them as he sees them.
 He's calling them like he wishes it would be.

"Did she not learn anything from Waco?"

 ha ha

 Newt, I missed you.

 Welcome back!

 Stay Tuned to  bartcop.com  for continuing coverage of...
 (cue the ominous drums...)

 "The Snatching of the Christ-child!"

  bartcop.com  the internet news leader
 - more responsive than the networks
 - more honest than Fox News Whores
 - more credible than CNN

 Am I Too Suspicious?

 It's 9:15 EST, four hours A.S. (after the snatching,) and just NOW
 the family is offering a guided tour of the "violence" done to their home.

 Why did you need four hours to get the house ready to show?

 You had cameras there the second Elian left the house.
 Why delay the "fact-finding" tour four hours?

 Did it take that long to smash all the breakables?

 Emotions Run Wild

 "They put a gun to Elian's head!"

 "Why did they have to be so violent?
  There was no reason for any violence?"
   -- Elian's "second mother."

 Hey, Lady.
 When the bad, bad men knocked on your door, you refused to answer,
 even tho you were awake and on the phone with government negotiators.

 When the po-lice come to your home, and you refuse to open the door,
 the door comes down. That's not a Reno invention.


 I'm going to give the family a pass, because,
 A. Religion had cross-circuited their brains, making them more insane.

 B. Even tho they're in the wrong, I'm sure this isn't easy for them.

 That nutty fisherman guy, Denado said,

 "The bad, bad man with the big, big gun said if I didn't give him Elian,
   he was going to shoot me!"

 Hey, Fishboy, you've had five months of "pretty please," on the phone.
 When these guys come in, it's not to negotiate.
 As a professional negotiator, I can assure you it's always better and
 easier to start out nice. When nice doesn't work, you go to "Plan B."

 As far as the size of the guns, would you feel better if they had
 stormed the place with little pink Lady Smith & Wessons?

 One asshole that does NOT get a pass is Miami attorney Jack Thompson.
 Live on Fox, some need-a-big-story media-whore asked Thompson if
 he was surprised at this morning's pre-dawn snatching.

 "No, not at all.
  I ran against Janet Reno.
  I know exactly what she's like.
  She enjoys terrorizing children.
  That's her style - her modus operandi.
  She intentionally waved as many guns as possible in Elian's face
  so he'd be too scared of America to want to live here.
  That's the kind of woman she is.   She loooooves to terrorize."

 That proves the saying,
 "Nobody is more fair than a Republican who's lost an election."

 More Elian Update

 This just in...

 God's Press Secretary says The Lord doesn't know Spanish,
 and has not heard any of the family's prayers.

 "Had they prayed in English, He may have heard them."

  Live 4:24 CST

 This Just In...

 Elian Snatched!
 Fox News Denied Riot They Needed for Ratings!

 "Clinton-Reno Crucify Christ Child!"
 "Why Another Waco?" crowd wants to know.
 "Evil agents destroy house, home," religious crowd claims.

 Federal Officers Stage "Vicious Assault"

 Elian Rescued From Kidnapper's Lair!

 MIAMI (AP) - Armed federal agents seized Elian Gonzalez from the home
 of his Miami captors before dawn today, firing tear gas into an angry mob
 of Cuban-American lawbreakers as they left the scene with the victim.

 More than 20 agents arrived at the home shortly after 5 a.m. and used
 rams on the kidnapper's chain-link fence and on the front door.
 A short time later,  a woman and man brought Elian out of the home
 and put him in a black helicopter, ...I mean white van that drove away.

 "Assassins," yelled one of the 100 idiots outside the house, since nobody was killed.
 Amazingly, none of the buttinsky's were hurt, some of whom climbed over the
 barricades in an attempt to stop the agents. The agents, wearing Immigration and
 Naturalization Service shirts, were armed with automatic weapons, as is always
 the case when facing an angry mob.

"The world is watching!'' yelled Delfin Gonzalez, the brother
  of the little boy's chief kidnapper and great-uncle, Lazaro Gonzalez.

"They were animals," said Jess Garcia, a bystander. "They gassed women and children
  to take a defenseless child out of here. We were assaulted with no provocation.
  They stole Elian - a blanket thrown over his head like fucking Patty Hearst!"
 (Doesn't this liar know cameras caught the whole thing?)

 As this writer watches unfolding coverage, he is stunned that the Cuban-Americans
 are portraying themselves as the victims.

 "Why did the evil government treat us law-abiding innocents like criminals?"
 "We were always going to turn the child over."


 Yesterday morning it was, "Would we give a Jewish baby to the Nazis?"
 Today it's, "We were ALWAYS willing to hand him over."

 Fox News's second-favorite picture.
 This is Denado Dalrymple, Elian's ocean rescuer.

He was in the home prior to the assault, so he could grab Elian "in my arms"
at 5 AM so he could accuse the evil government of snatching Elian, "from my arms."

 "There was no need for this brutal force to be used."
 "The evil federal agents stole Elian from his home."

 No, the government ended a kidnapping.
 That's their job.

 A few local psycho politicians expressed dismay that they got no prior notice
 that the middle-of-the-night raid was forthcoming. Indeed, Janet Reno will need
 to explain why she didn't give the criminal rioters more pre-raid notice.

 Even tho every working camera in Florida was trained on the house,
 and Reno hinted yesterday that this was imminent,
 the Cubans were shocked when the inevitable took place.

 "How could the evil government do this, when we were on the brink
 of negotiating a peaceful settlement to this terrible problem."

 Yeah, only five months on "negotiations."
 ...and you were "on the brink?"

Fox News's favorite photo.

Fox News, living up to their whore reputation, is showing this picture
again and again and again and again and again and again and again and
again and again and again and again and again and again and again and
again and again and again and again and again and again and again and
again and again and again and again and again and again and again and
again and again and again and again and again and again and again and
again and again and again and again and again and again and again and
again and again and again and again and again and again and again and
again and again and again and again and again and again and again and
because they were denied their bloody riot coverage.

(ABCnews.com also running this photo ONLY!)

They're blaming the government for the presence of machine guns,
even tho the government repeatedly has asked the family to cooperate
in a peaceful transfer of custody.

 At first glance, it seems to have been handled perfectly.

 Every insane Miami politician is now asking why the "terrible government"
 took this action, because they were "always willing" to hand over the boy.
 I've heard "always willing" at least a dozen times in this first hour.

 Federal agents stormed the house, a female agent wrapped Elian in
 a white blanket and whisked him into a van. Nobody was hurt.
 One idiot in particular, Denado Dalrimple, is crying on-camera,
 calling for Clinton's resignation for ordering "another Waco."

 Fox is milking this just like you'd imagine - searching for the most
 distraught Cubans, begging them to "give us your emotions."
 This is American whore journalism in full flight.

 How can Bill Clinton live with himself, knowing this boy who's been
 thru hell has been reunited with his only living parent.

 The only way I can think of that this could've been handled better was to
 have had the father waiting on a plane in Florida to make his flight to
 Washington a little less traumatic. Apparently, the women who physically
 carried Elian was known to him, making a bad situation a little better.

Prior to the rescue

"No, Dad, I like it here, I really do!"

Elian talks on his cell phone
from his motorized 4x4
on his way to McDonald's
to get some french fries and
oral sex from Barbara Olson.

April 21, 2000

I would've bet a bottle of Chinaco I already posted this,
but I don't see it, so here it is again.

These bumper stickers are just $3.50.
Send e-mail to   kgoodman@mindspring.com
He'll give you an address.
I'm getting THREE for $10!

There's a lot of stuff that gets lost like that.
I work at work, I work at home, and I carry it all on a zip disk
but sometimes things get erased or not FTP'd or something...

If I had a staff, and $40,000,
I could compete.

 Stroke Me, Stroke Me

"Don't you long for the good old days
 when vaginas were seen and not heard?"
  -- Limba, like Newt, currently on his third vagina

 Swear to Koresh, he said that.
 If you heard the third hour, you know it's true.

 This Just In...

 From: Nmmeeks@aol.com

 Subject: Breaking News at the Justice dept.


 Turn your TV  to CNN - right now!

 The Justice Dept. has the Limbaugh compound surrounded.
 Janet Reno just told Bernard Shaw,
 "We're going to go in and use force if necessary to get that hamster out."


 ha ha
 ha ha

 Send more like that!

 I promise you - that's how he lost the extra 125 pounds.
 The hampster bit him and infected his large intestine.
 That's what all the missing days are about - butt surgery!

 In this corner - Lucy the Bat

 In this corner - Linda the Pig

 Bet you haven't been thinking much lately about these two scabs,
 brought to you by Newt the Scumbag and the 105th Ditto-Monkey Congress.

 That's right, we're talking about faithless "friend" Linda the Pig
 and her literary agent and one-time confidant, Luci the Bat.

 Tripp and Goldberg aren't speaking--and haven't since Oct. 24, 1998.
 That's the day the conservative group Accuracy in Media awarded
 The Pig its "Whistleblower's Award" for her role in raping Monica
 in front of an eager audience of seven billion people.

 That's also the day publicity whore Lucy the Bat turned up to accept
 the award for Tripp at a lavish luncheon--after neglecting to inform
 Tripp that she won the prize in the first place.

 When Tripp found out Goldberg had hogged all the "glory,"
 that was the end of their wonderful, beautiful friendship.

 ha ha

 Could somebody hand me a tissue?
 I can't stand it when two good people have a spat!

 ha ha

 Quick - which one is the bigger back-stabber?

 Linda the Pig, of course, but I made you think!

 Let's hope the 50-something bitch and the 60-something bitch get back
 together so they can rape another young intern while seeking glory.

 From: sabutai@ix.netcom.com

 Subject: An example of the FOX network's balance


 Bill O'Reilly was on vacation this week.
 Here is a great example of FOX's idea of Fair and Balanced reporting.
 The guest hosts for his show this week were:

 John Kasich,
 B-1 Bob Dornan,
 Michael Reagan,
 Allen Keys and
 Newt Gingrich.

 Wow, with balance like this it is no wonder this network
 flies in an ever tightening rightward circle.
 We distort and you have to believe we know what is best  for you.

 I saw that.
 The reason?
 Tim McVeigh and Terry Nichols were unavailable,
 John Rocker had to pitch, David Duke had a prior engagement,
 so Fox did the best they could under the circumstances.

 What's a five letter word that starts with "W?"

 Today on Laura the Unloved, she said,

"Honeybabe, you're thirteen years old.
 When you're thirteen, you don't have any clue what life is about.
 At thirteen, you haven't experienced enough to make any valid decisions.
 You need to listen to your parents until you're much, much older."

 But, if you're six years old and from Cuba,
 you've got the wisdom of the ages?

 If you're six years old and from Cuba,
 you have the experience and the wisdom to make an informed decision
 about which country offers the greatest array of life-fulfilling choices?

 Why are Cuban six-year olds smarter than American thirteen-year olds?

 You know what the answer is, don't you...
 The Republicans are lying and Laura the Unloved is a whore!

 Have you noticed Doc Mangle has no opinion about Elian?
 Isn't that totally amazing?

 She's got an opinion on everything!
 But she has no opinion on Elian because she's a whore!
 She's been told to shut her big, big mouth and remain silent.
 You see, her fortune is in jeopardy if she crosses the right-wing.

 She knows that kid's better off with his father,
 but she's getting paid to tow the Cro-Mag line - whatever it is.

 Fuck that kid!
 Laura needs her money!

 Heard it on Fox News

 "If we allow Elian's dad to visit his son,
   he might try to take him home."
  -- some idiot protester

What a mean-spirited bastard!



(Koresh! It has all the drama of a child's birthday party magician.)


(Matt, you can afford to be mighty proud that the Clinton-Cock Hunters
 call you first when they concoct another guaranteed-to-fail attack on The Master)

In the end, its the book the White House has feared the most.

(ha ha  Tell us, Matt. Are they as scared as they were 2 weeks before
 the 1996 election when Pigboy guaranteed they were in "abject panic?
 Are you writing this for real people or for those who miss Melrose Place?)

WASHINGTON POST reporter Sue Schmidt,

(Who?  Has anybody ever heard of this woman before?)

first to get Lewinsky in print [more than 72 hours after the Internet],

(Yes, being first is always better than being right)

and the subject of a blistering White House report ordered by the first lady,

(ha ha   ...and your documentation for that gratuitous assertion is......)

is now ready to unload her secret files on various Clinton scandals
in a new expose set to rock official Washington.

(ha haThis is great! The woman's going to dump her load?
 Surely, she'll do it live on the Internet, right Matt?)
 What are "secret files?"  From whom have they been kept secret?
 I think the literary world calls that "an unfinished book," Matt)

In 1996, Hillary Rodham Clinton ordered the White House

(ha haMake him stop! Hillary can't order that building to do anything.)

to draft a report [at taxpayer expense] criticizing Sue's coverage of Whitewater.

(If that white building in Washington typed a report, I'd pay to see it.
 If there's a report, where is it?
 What good would it do to prepare a report and not release it?
 Is the White House's report as secret as "Sue's secret files?"  ha ha)

"It's now time for Sue's sweet revenge!" declares a WASHINGTON POST editor.

(Koresh! That smells like a whore-job!
 Which WP editor exclaimed that?
 Were both his hands above his waist at the time?
 You mean this goofy broad's "secret files" are so explosive, that an unnamed
 person described them as "sweet revenge?"
 Can I pre-order a copy of this certain best seller?)

The book "Truth at Any Cost : Ken Starr and the Unmaking of Bill Clinton"
takes the reader on an ultimate insider pro-prosecution trip through years
of investigation and creative legal maneuvering by the defense.

(What does that mean? She's going to reveal all the salacious bullshit
 that Hardon Kenneth was too timid to put in his porno report?)

[The book has been a sleeping giant, ranking #5,820 on
 AMAZON's sales list just days before publication.]

(ha ha Sleeping giant?  Sleeping giant? It's a unknown book by an
 unknown author getting hyped by Pigboy, Drudge and Fox News.
 Sleeping giant?
 Will the book be as dependable and accurate as the wild, overblown
 promises the red-meaters are using to promote it?

Schmidt and partner Michael Weisskopf [TIME magazine] crack
stunning new details of various Clinton scandals and their players.

(Huh?  Sue and her partner "crack new details?
 Did Sue write that "crack" phrase, personally?
 I'm not sure I've ever seen such nutty writing in my life,
 and these are people who write for a living?)

White House eyes will not be focused on Elian Gonzalez this weekend
-- they'll be focused on Schmidt.

(What horseshit!
 Does this new "crack" book make the same wild claims you're making?
 I have another question:
 Will the Earth continue to rotate on it's axis when this "crack" book breaks?
 Or will it come to a screeching halt, knocking everybody off their feet?)

The WASHINGTON POST is planning a spread pulled from the
embargoed book this Sunday.

(Holy Incest, Batman!
 The paper she works for is planning a "big spread" about this "important new book?
 It's uncanny, sometimes, how things work out, isn't it?

 One thing of which we can be certain:
 There will be NO BLURRING OF THE LINE between the unapproachable
 ethics of the Washington Post and the gutter-whoring for more and more money.
 I'm so grateful for that guarantee, I might go to church this Sunday!)

TIME magazine is planning a "news story" based on the book for next week's issue.

(Further proof that this is an huge, huge story, because we all know TIME would
 never do anything unethical just to boost circulation.
 Tell me - do you guys wear a condom when you swap this filth?
 If you guys were any good, if you had planned this more carefully
 she'd be busy this weekend running from This Whore & Fox News
 to Meet the Whore with Tim the Catholic.)

"Schmidt's nothing more than Ken Starr's personal secretary!"
 charges a senior White House aide on the eve of the book's release.

  No names?

  Is this whole goddamn silly book filled with the same "sources say"
  and  "some people believe"  crap we've endured for 8 years?
  Will there be anything remotely resembling credibility in this book?)

"She was an informant to Starr!"
 claims a Schmidt enemy in the press with White House ties.

(Oooooooooh!  If she has enemies with White House ties,
 By God, she MUST be an important figure to be feared!)

But the barking is based on shadows.
No one in the White House has yet had access to the book.

(ha ha
 First you say the White House is scared.
  Then you say that's all bullshit because nobody's read the book yet.

 So how do you know it's so "full of crack?"
 Because the whore-author and the whore Washington Post said so?

That will change within hours.
Let the Roar Begin!

 ha ha

 No, it's, "Let the whore begin."

 Matt, if somebody told me this morning that you were
 going to lose  a lot of credibility today, I would've laughed and said, "How?"
 But you have surprised us all, Matt.

 Don't you have eggs to crack?

On my way to the dentist, (motherless prick) I heard Piggy whine
about how much trouble it is to produce his Limbaugh Letter.


Have you ever seen the Limbaugh Letter?
It's about 12 pages long, and ten of the pages are repeat/rehashes
of Pigboy whines from earlier in the month.
That's all it is.

The extra two pages are some bullshit interview with some
whites-only Cro-Mag who worships his every word.

His newsletter can't take more than an hour a month to produce,
but still, he has to brag about his ability to get it out each month.

You know how you can tell this Elian mess is all politics?

Because the GOP has fucked it up so badly.

GOP Honor


I need to apologize for lying.
I need to apologize for being a whore.
I knew that racist flag was wrong, but my advisors said I couldn't win
Caolina without whoring to the Hee-Haw crowd, so I did, and I'm ashamed.


I will not apologize for lying.
I will not apologize for being a whore.
If I'm going to get my rightfully designated place in history,
the way God wants it, I needed to whore for every goddamn vote.
I don't see anything wrong with glorifying slavery, and if the darkies
don't get it they can go back to Africa because we don't want them.

Reno Prepared to Use Force

WASHINGTON (AP) - Attorney General Janet Reno has exhausted
almost all options and is waiting for law enforcement officials to determine
the best time and method to remove Elian Gonzalez from his captors.
But she still hopes the family will voluntarily turn over the boy.

"I'm just trying to work it out," Reno told reporters. "I'm exploring every
 possibility I can to see this resolved peacefully, promptly and properly."

Asked if she was on the verge of ordering law enforcement agents
to remove Elian from his Miami relatives' home, Reno replied,
"If I were going to do something like that, I certainly wouldn't tell you."

Trust me - that's a yes!

I suggest you Catholic Cubans get to confession.
You know how the Catholic lottery works.

It doesn't matter if you've been clean all your life.
If you have a little smudge on you when your number comes up,
you do eternity in Hell with no possibility of parole.

...which reminds me...

Too Busy to Pray?
Call Sinbusters

 MILAN, Italy (Reuters) - An Italian housewife has gone into the
 prayer business to rescue the souls of people whose daily grind
 leaves no time to attend to their own salvation.

 For 3,000 lire ($1.50) Monica Ballinari, 26, will say a prayer for a
 lost relative or perform the sign of the cross once a day.

The new ``Paradise'' agency which she has started running from
her home in Varese, northern Italy, has a list of tariffs that go up
to 50,000 lire for a rosary sequence of five prayers.

For a more personal service, Ballinari will recite a prayer in
your home for 25,000 lire, excluding travel costs.

``Life has become so frantic that people don't have time to do
 anything beyond work or family. That's why people have stopped
 praying even though they feel a spiritual need to do so,'' the mother
 and former actress told Il Giorno daily.

 To drum up clients, the Paradise agency's brochure exhorts
 its readers to remember they only have one soul.
``If you don't have time to save it, call me; I'll take care of it.''

If you're Catholic, this is a GREAT idea.
But she needs to take it a step further.

You have to remember how Catholic math works.
(Paulie Walnuts had it exactly correct.  CLICK HERE)

What this lady needs to do is use the Catholic Magnifiers.
You get 300 days for an "Our Father" OR a "Jesus, Mary Joseph."
Trust me, don't waste the time on a 45-second prayer!
Take advantage of the Catholic Multipliers - go with the J-M-J!

Plus, if she cuts a priest in for a piece of the pie, she gets double points!
If you can get a Monsignor involved, it's triple points!
If you can afford a Cardinal, it's quadruple points!
If you can afford a Cardinal Arch-Bishop, it's quintuple points!
You know who lives in Italy, where the service is offered?

The Pope!

If they could involve the Pope, they could have multiple sinners
out of Purgatory before the close of business today!

It's like playing Scrabble.
If you make the "Z" land on the double-word score, you bypass the
searing flames of Purgatory and go directly to Heaven.

Do the math!

Good Friday

The holiest of days of the year when all Christians observe
the sacrifice and death of Jesus Christ's coporal body on the cross.

Meanwhile Rush, with talent on loan from God, will mark
this solemn occasion by fabricating the most horrible and vicious
personal slurs imaginable against a man America chose - twice
- to lead this country out of the trickle-down darkness of Reaganism.
Not only our president, but his wife and young daughter, too.

Did you know millions of people worship Rush first, then Christ?

How could any Christian falsely attack their political opponents with
horrible and vicious lies on the holy day Christ gave His life for them?

The answer is obvious.
Their religious act is a fraud.

You can't be a devout Christian and a lying son-of-a-bitch at the same time.

 ABC Radio had this quote this morning.

 Give Elian back to his father?
 So he can take him to Cuba?

 Would you hand a Jewish baby over to the Nazis?

 I want to be very wrong about this,
 but it sounds like Elian's going to be with his mother.

Over the years, I've tried to chronicle the hundreds of different ways
that Rush lies to his impressionable, easily-led sheep.

Yesterday, he went on and on and on about Jorge Cabrera.
Jorge is a man who paid $20,000 to attend a Gore fund-raiser in 1995.
And at some point, he had his picture taken with Hillary.

Last year, Jorge pleaded guilty to smuggling cocaine, and since
Hillary was unable to see into the future, that makes her bad.

What Rush failed to tell his impressionable, easily-led sheep,
was in the very next paragraph of that same story in USA Today,
which is where Rush got his story, it said that Rudy Julie Annie
accepted a $100,000 donation from the Number One polluter
in the entire country, the Magnesium Corp. of America.

Mag Corp was named in an 1998 EPA report as the nation's
top dumper of toxic chemicals.

You see how he lies and twists the truth for his idiot twits?

Hillary's crime was not knowing which donors would be charged
with a crime at some point in the future while Rudy is taking massive
amounts of cash from the biggest toxic chemical dumper in America.

People who believe the "Turnpike of Truth" never get anywhere near the truth,
and he accuses the president of having a psychotic need to fabricate.

...and the sheep buy it.

Fucking amazing.

Haster Says GOP Might Soften Abortion Stance

The Republican Party will consider abandoning it's hard-line opposition to abortion,
House Speaker Dennis Hastert told supporters Wednesday in Pittsburg.

"We need to bring people in," the congressional leader said.
"Certainly we don't want any divisions or schisms in there.
I think we will take a really serious look at that."

Hastert, who has voted to limit abortion rights, said Gov Bush
has indicated his desire to make the Republicans "a big tent party."

God, I wish gambling was legal.
How insane is this?
Let me count the ways:

1. First off, the mean-spirited GOP has always called the people who
believe a woman can make this choice without big government
butting in, "BABY KILLERS."  So now, Dennis Hastert wants
the GOP to welcome "BABY KILLERS?"

Denny, can I help make the sign?
I'll pay for the paint.

2. They are abandoning their principles to try to win an election.
The GOP is proving they're made up of money-grubbing whores.
They don't believe in anything accept more power.

3. Why be reasonable on abortion if you still hate blacks and gays?
What's the rationale for being 1/3 sane?
It's like loving people from Louisiana and Georgia,
then turning around and hating the people from Massabama.
...but if you want to embrace freedom of choice, fine.

4. It's not going to work.
What about Pat Buchanan?
The moment you show the least bit of sanity towards abortion
Pat Buchanan is going to swoop down with his $12,000,000
and steal every staunch pro-lifer in the GOP - then what?

Gore couldn't lose this with Dole's advisors


That was a little creepy.

The "murder victim" from yesterday's mechanic story just dropped by.
I've known people who were murdered before, but I've never been in
the same room as the victim before.


 From: Nmmeeks@aol.com

 Subject: Re: Mike Malloy update

 BC, you asked about Mike Malloy?

 i just got a cd from Mike and his wife, stuff from the show, i think
 he's looking at something in DC but i haven't heard anything about that.
 i certainly hope he gets something soon.  WLS really fucked him.

 they claimed they were "de-politicizing" the station which amounts to getting
 rid of the only "leftist" and their only in-house host who has won any awards.

 will keep you updated.


 Mail Bag

 From: (withheld)

 I like your site and all, but lately it seems to be a little Animal House-y
 with all the booze and the bikinis. What's up with that?


 The quickest way out of this is to plead guilty.
 Koresh knows I try to have fun every day.
 I think the hearafter is a bunch of Caspar the Ghost hooey
 so I have all the fun I can all the time.

 There are so many humorless political sites on the web (that I won't
 mention by name) like the website mastered by my super-Christian,
 Steve Largent thinkalike Papax7  (if you go, be nice)  that are mere
 copy-and-paste jobs of every piece of insane drivel the RNC puts out.
 Nobody would call that site Animal House-y.
 But if you take away the humor and the fun from politics
 it feels like a senate committee hearing run by Tennessee Tuxedo.

 So, somewhere, there must be a balance.
 I shall try to locate that fulcrum.

Click Here for  Previous Issue

Click Here to return to  bartcop.com

Powered by counter.bloke.com


Privacy Policy
. .