Vol 195 - Hold On, I'm Coming

 April 26, 2000

 Baseball Fever

 Players and coaches from five major league baseball teams
 sat out games Tuesday to join that bullshit strike in Miami.

 If your name was Fernandez, Bautista, Sanchez, Alfonseca,
 Canseco, Ordonez, Hernandez, Perez or Gonzales, you turned
 your back on your teammates instead of coming to work.

 Statistically, five months from now, one or more of those teams
 with striking players will miss the playoff by a single game.

 ha ha


 If I was a stockholder in one of those teams, and I lost revenue
 from the ultra-lucrative playoffs and World Series because those
 players refused to come to work, I'd sue and win.

 PS. The Marlins lost Tuesday

 I see where Smirk has chosen Dick Cheney to find him a VP.

 Dick jumped at the chance to get out of the house.
 You see his wife, former Crossfire harpy Lynn Cheney can
 peel chrome off a bumper with that nagging and screeching.
 The doctors feel certain it was that stress which caused
 all three of Dick's heart attacks.

 So, Dick is looking for a VP for Smirk.

 Smirk says the primary criteria would be to pick somebody
 "who can be president of the Untied States."
 Too bad your Daddy didn't feel the same way, Smirky.

 He says he's not sure if he wants a running mate with Washington experience.

 Good move, Smirk.

 Why would you need anybody with Washington experience?
 For that matter, why get someone who knows foreign policy?
 Why get a running mate with brains?

 Smirk, there's a thing called balance.

 Since you're an ignorant, outsider druggie with no experience,
 why not get another airhead like yourself?

 I'll bet if Cheney looks real hard, he could find another moron
 who thinks Canada's "president" is french toast with cheddar cheese!

 Those crazed Cubans who keep burning our flag?

 Rush said,
 "They have a far greater set of values, as far as I'm concerned,
   than you'll find in many neighborhoods in this country."

 Butt,  Rush!
 Butt,  Rush!

 If that's true, why keep pushing that nutty anti-flag burning amendment?

 Then he said, "I'd rather have Cubans in my neighborhood than people like Maxine Watters."

 We understand, Rush.
 Any group but the blacks, right?

 Begala Shoots the Bull

 Smirk and the GOP plan to raise a staggering $18 million tonight at a
 fundraiser co-chaired by the NRA and Phillip Morris Nicotine Company.

 All this talk about Bush moving to the center is true.
 He's moving to the center of the campaign whorehouse.
 He's not a Governor; he's the Happy Hooker.

 Maybe that's too harsh.
 Maybe Bush is more of a butler than a hooker, a servant of the very rich.
 You can almost see him carrying his $1.3 trillion tax cut to the hyper-rich
 on a silver platter, then grinning stupidly as they pat his empty little head
 and say, "Very good, George."

 Remember when LaPierre called federal agents "jack-booted thugs"?
 Well, Tom DeLay (Cro-Magnon-Texas) has called the federal agents who
 retrieved Elian without firing a shot or injuring anyone "jack-booted thugs."

 Why don't we just eliminate the middleman
 and put the NRA directly in charge of the government?

 Hey, Paul,
 That deal where you get in a quick shot with the name and home state?
 That's OK, buddy, go ahead and use that - no problem.
 Anything you see here at  bartcop.com  is yours, pal.
 You don't even need to ask. Take what you need.
 You're on the right team, it's all yours.

Great Idea, Rush

Rush says little Elian should be given a subpoena
and be forced to testify before a  congressional committee.

Burton: Elian, no need to be nervous, OK?
              We just want to ask a few questions, OK?

Elian:  Por favor, No comprende, Senior.

Burton:  Aw, hell, do we have a translator?

Hours later

Burton: Buen día, Elian. Cómo es usted?

Elian: Blow it out your ass, Watermelon Man.
           I want to go home with my Dad, get it?
           ...and thanks to Bill Clinton and Janet Reno - I can!

 For the Rush think-alikes who claim there was no warrant...


 I see where Patsy and John Ramsey have refused to take the polygraph,
 after telling a national TV audience they would if their conditions were met.

 The conditions?

 1. The results must be made public - no problem

 2. Must be in Atlanta - no problem

 3. No Boulder cops allowed - no problem

So, what's the problem?
The FBI would have to be involved,
(because Barney's Paint Store stopped doing polygraphs years ago,)
and the Colorado FBI assisted the Boulder cops, so the deal's off.


  Some Times You Feel Like a Nut

  Tuesday, Rush said:

 "The biggest reason we should keep Elian in this country is because in Cuba,
  the government comes to your home and takes your young sons and puts
  them into the Cuban system and trains them with weapons so they can
  send them to Angola or South America to fight a war they know nothing about."

  I remember in 1971, the US government came to MY home and tried
  to put me in their system to train me with weapons so they could
  send me to Vietnam to fight a war I knew nothing about.

  Thank Koresh I had a 40-pound cyst on my ass and couldn't go.

 VCR Alert

 There's a new West Wing on tonight.
 Seems like Smirk's daddy was illegally selling weapons to Big Terror
 the last time we had an original episode of this show, but..

 Tonight's episode begins a multi-part story that will take us
 to the end of the season.  Not to be missed.

 Also, a new Law & Order, starring Angie Harmon

 Not going anywhere for a while?

 The return of Robert (conservative) Ramey.

 Click Here

 David Horowitz is a ditto-monkey who writes for Salon.com

 I guess with all the sanity over at Salon.com, they hire people like
 Horowitz to give them a "fair and balanced" mix of sane and insane.

 Click Here

 Ask BartCop

 From:   jsw1@hotmail.com

 Subject: The criminals of Cuba

 If Fidel Castro is such a bad man, and he persecutes his fellow countrymen,
 then wouldn't the people in Cuban jails be essentially political prisoners,
 people who were jailed for sticking up for their rights?

 The GOP thinks that Fidel Castro can threaten the United States by
 releasing thousands of freedom-loving political prisoners from Cuban jails?

 Wouldn't the GOP welcome these "freedom fighters" with welcome arms?



 Don't Count on it.


 From: sabutai@ix.netcom.com

 The INS building in Miami sits very close to the street.
 I'm sure Ryder rents trucks in Miami.

 I suggest they take a vacation the week of April 22nd, 2001.


 AMPOL has a fun article about the Dolphin Queen, Peggy Noonan.

 Click Here

 From:  johncross@prodigy.net

 Subject: Hardline goes Hard Right

 I just saw Ghouliani on his morning news conference, and he was trying
 to wiggle back out of that stormtrooper comment.

 You see, he finally realized (only took 3 days!) that the "thugs" were cops,
 and that he LOVES cops, especially when they shoot innocent black men.
 So now he is saying that his comments about "stormtroopers" were directed
 at Reno and Clinton, and not at the actual guys who went into the Gonzalez home.

 But how could Reno and Clinton be stormtroopers if they were back in Washington?

 Poor Rudy.
 I wonder what he's going to do after the election.
 Will he still be mayor or is someone else running for that?

 Remember that piece I did for AMPOL on Rush?

 I don't know if I said this or I just meant to say it, but I thought it must
 be a real bitch to work hard all season long only to end up losing a bunch
 of games and worse, having your "biggest fan" call you a "tampon"
 in front of his 4,000,000 worshipping ditto-monkeys.


 Think how much worse it would be to work for years and years,
 putting your life on the line for your country, then after you actually
 risk your life confronting a mob of crazed religio-wackos,
 the Republicans in the House and Senate call you "The Gestapo."

 Jesus, that would piss me off.

 Heard it on Miami radio

 Remember the Cuban with his head wrapped up like King fucking Tut?
 He told reporters the bad, bad gestapo beat him with the butt of a rifle
 until he passed out. When he woke up his memory was affected
 and he was still groggy hours later.

 Did that really happen?

 Tuesday a Miami Police officer said that he scuffled with this individual,
 and the protester cut his head on the metal band of the officer's watch.

 Ask BartCop

 From: leocarr@mediaone.net

 Subject: "SMIRK"

 The first place that I heard the name "SMIRK" was at  bartcop.com
 Last night, I heard Stephanie Miller say that TIME magazine
 has taken to calling George W  "SMIRK."

 Are TIME reporters reading bartcop.com?



 Ask again later.


I hear Matt Drudge has posted seven "snatch" photos.

I'm not even going to look.
I don't think Marisleezes is the least bit attractive.

 Celebrity Mail

 From: GovHuckabee@ocse.state.ar.us

 Subject: Senator Tim Hutchie


 Can you do anything to get this retard Senator Hutchie out of my hair?
 He thinks he's hot shit because he and his baby brother Asas
 graduated magna cum intoxica from Bob Jones University.

 He's the biggest fool in the state of Arkansas.
 I can't stand him another goddamn second.

 Also, is it true that Maryfaintsalot found the image of the
 Virgin Mary in little Elian's skid marks on laundry day?

 Love your website,


 Governor, for a Christian, I find your language appalling.

 Mail Bag

 From:  jhardin@sbc-adv.com

 Subject: The Textbook Raid

 What's up with the cries of horror about the agents carrying guns?
 Any ditto-monkey can tell you that guns don't kill people,
 and that a gun is no more dangerous than a steak knife.

 ha ha
 Make him stop!

 The way they're howling, you'd think the agents went in there
 armed with copies of Heather has Two Mommies.


 ha ha
 Make him stop!


 In his first public comments about the Miami raid, Al Gore told
 NPR today that he "would have handled it differently."

 Different than successfully?

 Al, you've already won the White House.
 Stop talking - run the ball.

 From:  hauglie@HUMnet.UCLA.EDU

 Why aren't the "protect the flag with an amendment" Republicans
 holding up photos of the Miami Cubans burning the flag as proof that
 such an amendment is necessary?

 Could it be that they agree with the desecraters?
 Or do they just look the other way when it suits them?


 I'm sure the amendment wouldn't apply
 if they could connect the disturbance to Clinton's cock.

Thanks to Mark Thibodeau

 Can the Treehouse get serious for a moment?

 The Raid was f-ing textbook.

 Those men are being so villified and called horrible names
 by people like Tom Delay, Trent Lott, Connie Mack and Smirk the Loser.

 The men who stormed the house that night?

 Including the "goon" who pointed the gun at little innocent Elain?
 These are professional men, men ready to sacrifice their lives for America.

 You hear that?
 Ready to sacrifice their lives.

 Hey, I love my country, and I'm willing to fight for it, as long as I can do it
 with a keyboard and a shot of fine, luxury tequila in my hand.
 It's easy to be brave hiding behind a computer monitor.


 The men who followed orders last Saturday were every bit as committed
 as the goddamn Secret Service, risking their lives, doing their jobs,
 ...and when they're done?

 What do they get?

 Delay, Lott and Smirk calling them "goons" and "stormtroopers."

 Their lives are so life-and-death, they have their wills on file
 saying where their assets go if they don't come home that night.

 Me and you don't have that.
 Me and you don't risk our ass.

 When we go to work, we expect to come home.
 We know we're coming home for dinner, so life's a big lark, a big joke.

 But these brave men were ordered to rescue a boy from a house
 that they knew for a fact was ringed by religio-crazed ditto-monkees
 who often see the Virgin Mary in their instant mashed potatoes.

 They watched the house - this team of experts.
 When the opportunity presented itself, they moved.
 These professionals did their jobs perfectly, for their country,
 and they were willing to make the big sacrifice, if it was needed.

 Jesus Christ, the main, evil "goon" in the picture?

<takes breath>

 He was the first guy to die if things went wrong!
 To him, this is the goddamn American Revolution!
 He's right here,  right now, ready to die for his country.

 There's no braver son-of-a-bitch in America than that "goon" guy,
 and we don't even know his name, do we?

 <shot of Chinaco for the Unknown Patriot>

 Just like Vietnam.
 Let's fuck the guy who risked his life for his country.
 Jesus Christ, the Republican Party USED to stand behind our heroes,
 but that was before Clinton's cock.
 Now, the GOP wants to spit on the heroes who risked everything.

 Last Satrurday morning, in the wee hours, when everyone was in bed
 there was only one man in America who was "on point."
 There was one man willing to go thru that door first,
 and we don't even know his name.

 I don't know about you, but Saturday at 3 AM,
 when I was nice and warm and sleepy in bed.

...the guy in the "goon" picture was ready to give up his life.

I wonder,

Swear to Koresh, think about this...
Paul Revere, American hero, probably had a better chance of survival
compared to the "goon" who burst into drunken Lazaro's preserve..

I think the unnamed hero should be recognized,
even if Delay, Lott and Smirk call him a "Nazi goon."

You long-term readers know I support our fighting men,
while Rush and the GOP regularly despise and ridicule you.

Ol' BartCop and a lot of liberals are there for you guys.
We appreciate the job you do.

We appreciate the sacrifices you've made and
the sacrifices you're ready to make, if necessary.
It's too bad you're living in an era when our congress is made up
of yellow-bellied pussies and ungrateful whores, but don't worry.
That's about to change.

 Cuban Churches

 From: ceetee99@hotmail.com

 Subject: Rush

 On Tuesday Rush claimed that people in Cuba
 were not allowed to practice their religion.
 Didn't the Pope visit Cuba just a couple of years ago?

 Were the millions of Cubans there just to see a guy in a funny hat?
 Or was Rush lying again?

 I thought I'd let the Rev. Pablo Oden Marichal Rodriguez answer that.,
 He's a priest and he's also the President of the Council of Churches of Cuba.

 He said if Cuba didn't have a lot of churches, there'd be no reason
 for him to be President of the Council of Churches of Cuba.

 The Rev Rodriquez said, "Perhaps Mr. Limba didn't quite hear the question correctly,"
 but I could tell he really wanted to say, "The vulgar Pigboy is lying his infected ass off."

 How do you think those crazy Cubans got so Catholic?
 By mail?

 There are churches all over Cuba.
 It would be too easy to list all the churches in a big city like Havana.
 I'm going to give you a list of churches in the small town of Matanzas,
 which is about 50 miles east of Havana.
 In Matanzas, you'll find:

  So, clearly the son-of-a-bitch is lying.

 "Talent on Loan from God," and he lies about churches?
  Why would God want the vulgar Pigboy to lie about churches?

  Either God wants the vulgar Pigboy to lie about churches,
  or Rush is lying about "Talent on loan from God."

  This is like the sixth time this year I'm sticking up for the church.
  There's something reeeeeeeeeeeealy wrong here, when Ol' BartCop
   is the guy left to defend organized religion from the whores.

 We'll Always Have Waco
  From the Palm Beach Post

 Swamped by news out of Miami over the weekend were reports that an expensive
 March 19 reenactment of the 1993 Branch Davidian raid showed that flashes seen
 on videotape of the raid were most likely the reflection of sun from debris.

 (I just fainted - who knew?)

 The reenactment, using real rifle flashes, was done for a trial
 growing out of the Waco action during which more than 80 people died,
 in contrast to the textbook raid on the Gonzalez home.

 People who "saw" rifle flashes on the videotape won't be stopped by the
 evidence from "knowing" what was never true. To them, facts don't matter.

 In future years, those who oppose Janet Reno's decision to raid
 the Gonzalez house will "remember" what never happened in Miami, too.

 Ruby Ridge - One Last Time

 From:  jrosenstiel@prodigy.net
 Copy:  rackjite@@worldnet.att.net

 Subject: Ruby Ridge

 I keep seeing Ruby Ridge mentioned in various area of several web sites.
 No one seems to REALIZE that the ENTIRE Ruby Ridge fiasco was a Geo Bush

 I am a Republican.
 Ruby Ridge and Geo Bush's verbal response to it sent  me donating to Bill Clinton.

 Even Waco was a Geo Bush initiated raid. The raid was long planned
 (by the same FBI agents who planned and EXECUTED Ruby Ridge)..

 The problem is:
 They 'executed' Waco, 3 weeks after Clinton Became President.
 Then they lied to Clinton, about what they were doing. Then just a few days
 before the FINAL INFERNO, Janet Reno became Attorney General.
 The Bush-appointed FBI people also lied - to Reno - to get her permission
 for the attack.. Yet she took the blame and didn't create a partisan fiasco over it.

 This time, in Miami -- she personally oversaw the plan and the execution of the plan.
 The results were also very different.....

 For those Republicans who complain about a gun being shown to a child --
 where were they when Randy Weaver's wife was SHOT through the head
 while holding her infant, in a doorway?


 Can Drudge get any more Stupid?

 My sources say no!

 Check this crap:


 Elian Gonzalez may have been arrested for being an "illegal alien" last weekend in Miami,
 court documents show -- but the boy, according to witnesses, was not read his rights
 and has since been blocked access to his lawyer!


 Then I guess we can't charge little Elian with any crimes, Matt!
 I guess we'll have to drop the charges and let him go, Matt!

 Who's doing your "thinking" for you, Matt?
 Did Smirk send people to "help?"

 Here's how it works, Einstein.

 First, they say, "You're under arrest."

 THEN they read your rights to you.
 Since he wasn't under arrest, nobody said, "you're under arrest."

 You know, if politics was a little league game,
 they'd stop the game because our side was so far ahead.

Was there ever any doubt?

From:  http://www.dismalscientist.com/thoughts/th_bn_031600_map.stm

Funny how Gore is still working on Tennessee
and Smirk is still working on Texas.

 Begala Shoots the Bull

 It's good to be back after a wonderful vacation.
 Hmmm ... what's changed since I've been gone?

 Are the Republicans still nuts?
 My favorite loopy comment is from Rep. Lincoln Diaz-Balart of Florida who,
 "Evans, Novak, Hunt & Shields" program said he believed Elian had been drugged.
 He knows this, he said, because he thought he saw a Band-Aid in one of the photos.

 Is the right-wing lynch mob still holding Capitol Hill hostage?
 A bunch of them are parading around calling for hearings on the INS raid.
 If they can find fault with an operation that safely removed a boy, carried out under
 a valid court order, in which no shots were fired, no one was injured, and the entire
 operation lasted 153 seconds, I say let's have hearings.

 It's time to put the professional clowns like Tom DeLay back in the center ring.
 I'd like nothing better than to see those weenie Repubs trying to debate Janet Reno
 -- the attorney general with more cajones (pardon my Spanish)
 than any AG since Bobby Kennedy.

 Are the right-wing Cuban "exiles" continuing to embarrass themselves and
 discredit their cause?
 Yup again.
 While some leaders of the Miami Cuban community have conducted themselves with
 class and dignity and restraint, others have set back the cause of Cubanos by decades.
 The images of people who came to America for freedom burning our flag sickens me.
 Americans across the country are shocked at the sight of the fires, the hate-filled signs,
 the arrests, and the news that police officers were attacked with a baseball bat.

April 25, 2000

 Detective Mail

 From: (withheld)

 I see you are a Catholic kid from St. Louis, even mentioning Ted Drewe's.
 I am a Catholic kid from St. Louis who lives near the Chippewa Drewe's.
 I'm 44, two years younger than you.
 Is it possible we might know some of the same people?
 I went to St. Mary's High School, graduated 1973.


 Actually, that's a cover story I made up.
 I grew up in Denver.


 Poor Smirk

 The ozone season is upon us.
 That means the pollution alert numbers are getting ready to skyrocket.

 This hot summer, when the brain-deads will be trying to decide if we want
 four more years of peace and prosperity or do we want to gamble it all
 on some cocaine-addicted alcoholic with temper problems and no brain,
 the Democrats, including bushwatch.com and  bartcop.com
 will be posting daily updates on Houston's unbreatheable air.

 America Under Environmentalist Gore

 America under Polluter Smirk

 Stroke Me, Stroke Me

 From: astod@frontiernet.net

 Please tell Rush that Janet Reno was not responsible for Ruby Ridge!


 Now, now, be nice.
 Rush has had a series of small strokes.,

 He used to be a lying son-of-a-bitch,
 but now he's a confused son-of-a-bitch.


 More Proof Gore Can't Lose

 "Intelligence information was based on unfounded accusation made by
  Fidel Castro and Greg Craig that Lazaro was pumped up on Cuban coffee."


 "Their object was NEVER the well-being of that little boy.
   Their Rush was intended to appease a dictator."
     -- Both quotes by Ninoska Castellion, Dir. Cuban-American Foundation

  Americans just aren't that stupid.
  How in Koresh's name would Castro know what Lazaro was drinking that day?
  What's wrong with you nutsac's that you can't figure that out?
  How stupid can you possibly be?

  Let's assume for a second that Clinton is every bit the totally heartless monster
  that you say he is.  The smart move would be to put Elian's interests first.
  Why in the world would Clinton be afraid if teeny-tiny Fidel?
  What possible motive would he have?
  You think Clinton would trade months worth of "Baby-murderer" just to add
   no-economy of Cuba to our hotter-than-Koresh economy?

  The GOP is so out-of-touch with the seventy percent who applaud this action.
  I wonder why they can't see that?

  "Clinton wants that boy murdered" isn't going to win any elections.

 Another Nazi Pedophile?

 "Give me a 6-year-old and a few hours alone, and I'll have him
  smiling for the cameras too, with or without pharmacology."
    -- Chuck Krauthammer, Washington Post

 Pray for the Little Black Puppy!

 From: SCLloyd@aol.com

 Now that the Miami "Family" have revealed themselves to be freaking nutzoids,
 Janet Reno should send in a SWAT team to rescue that little black puppy!!

 Marisleysis and Co. aren't fit to raise a dog.
 Let's hope that Lazaro hasn't already shaved and spit-roasted him
 in some horrible Santeria sacrificial rite.

 Pray for the Little Black Puppy.

 Susan Lloyd

 ha ha

 The Republicans aren't concerned with the dog.
 He's black.

 From: Stuart.Lewis@MW.Boeing.com

 Subject: Question

 Today Vermont passed a bill giving full recognition to same-sex unions.
 The Governor has indicated that he will sign the bill.

 Q1: Will the Republicans scream loud and long
        about the "destruction of the family"?

       No doubt.
       Hate is their glue.
       If they can't get together and hate homos,
       what will hold their party together?

 Q2: After catching their breath, will they resume screaming
       about Reno illegally reuniting Elian with his pop?

       No doubt.
       Their biggest problem now is a law that says if a marriage is valid
        in one state, it's valid in all fifty.  Couples will go to Vermont and
        become a couple, then all states will have to recognize them as such.

        I have jumbled up your e-mail address.
        Should I have?

  ha ha

 Rush says Reno may have to resign over the successful rescue.

 Rush, I think it's funny when you lie to those sheep.
 What do they think when they find out you're lying?

 Spoke to President Clinton Last Night

 From:  john.cross@ndri.org

 Subject: Clinton in 2008

 I was one of the volunteers at the DNC Spring Gala
 in New York City last night, where Bill, Al, Hillary and Tipper were feted.

 After the dinner, in the dessert reception, I had a chance to stand by while
 Bill Clinton spoke with supporters and friends, and I have to say that, while
 I have heard about his intellectual prowess, I was shocked at his ability to
 shift from topic to topic, exhibiting a profound knowledge of each.

 In any case, while he was discussing with a small group what
 he would do after he left office, I couldn't resist chiming in with

 "What about being first husband in 2008?"

 Clinton thought about it for a bit, with that concentrated focus he has,
 and replied, "Sure, why not?"



 Funny Puerca Quotes

 The female agent that snatched Elian told him, "We're not taking you to Cuba."
 Do you know why?  Because they knew he'd fight them like crazy
 because he doesn't want to go back to Cuba!

 Sorry, Rush - not even close.
 She said "You're NOT going to Cuba, you're NOT going anywhere on a boat,"
 and handed him a toy airplane in the van to let him know he'd be flying to see his daddy,
 because Marisleezes told him he'd be going to back to Cuba in an inner-tube.

 bartcop.com  is one of only two sources that reported the "Cuba on an inner-tube" story,
 proven true by the toy plane

 How big of an idiot is Smirk?

 Buying a presidency: Cost per delegate

 Albert Gore:  $13,000 per delegate

 Gov. Smirk:   $57,000 per delegate

 Oh, well, could be worse.

 Hatch spent $2,500,000 and got none!
 E Doli spent $5,400,000 and got none!

 Remember when the GOP was the party of fiscal responsibility?

 Great Unnamed Quotes

 "Judas Steffie Maximus is not a grand political thinker.
  Just because he wrote a book and sold out his boss
  doesn't qualify him to be a talking head."
   -- Republican senator's aide

 From George Magazine
  Asked of Capitol Hill employees

 Who tells the funniest political jokes?

 31% Jay Leno
 19% David Letterman
 16% Dennis Miller
 12% Jon Stewart

 Who tells the least funny political jokes?

 31% The Vulgar Pigboy
 17% Don Imus
 14% Bill Maher

 Which paper has done the worst job of covering your boss?

 25% Washington Post
 19% Don't know
 12% New York Times
 10% Whore Street Journal
   4% USA Today

 I found that Heather Locklear article where she gives 
 advice on how to beat Hillary in September.

 Heather Locklear didn't write this article.
 Some guy "Tom Hertz" helped her with it, they claim, but I don't buy it.
 It's my best guess they asked her, since she hates Hillary, Democrats and liberals,
 if he could write a hatchet-job piece on Hillary and attach her name.

 How do I know Heather didn't write this article herself?
 No, I'm not going to reprint it, because it's not worthy.
 I'm going to print parts and phrases.

 Tell me if Heather Locklear would use language like this:

 - clobber
 - cover my own ass, although right now Versace
     is doing a fine job of that, thank you very much
 - plunging faster than Jennifer Lopez's neckline
 - a few less-savory avenues
 - confusion that would ensue
 - her gazillionth new hairdo
 - Hillary's "shameless ambition"
 - Finally, if Hillary puts up more of a fight than you anticipated,
     marry her, then she'll let you get away with anything

 No way Heather Locklear wrote that crap, unless she's really a 55-year old man.
 Clobber?   Women use that word as much as they use "dames and broads."
 Cover my own ass?   Young women don't use the term, "my ass" literally.
 Attacking Jennifer Lopez?   Some wannabe comedy writer wrote that.
 Less-savory?   Nobody talks like that.
 Gazillionth?    Sure, she might say that - if she was in her 60's
 Shameless ambition?   I'll bet she's had that applied to her - and didn't like it.
 Marry her?   How cute. Maureen Dowd? Maybe.  Heather Locklear? No.

 No doubt, this was written by a man older than me.
 This is bullshit, sit-com horsesh!

 Heather, I don't think attacking New York's next senator is a good career move.
 Besides, swastikas must be hard to accessorize.

 Fun Pigboy Quotes

 "If I'm wrong about Elian, then a lot of extremely intelligent people
  are wrong too,  people like George Will."

 ha ha

 You mean George I'm-dumber-than-Chippy-the Chimp Will?

 ha ha

 How could George Will possibly be wrong?


 Subject: elian

 BC so the kids in washington and the dumbass cubans shut down their
 own stores in protest? Wow, that will really put a dent in the Miami economy!!

 They also kept 98 percent of their kids home from school.
 Nothin like educated little protesters.
 Oh well,  I guess the t-shirt sales on the corners are brisk.

 I can't wait till Dan Burton and his intellectual equals have some more
 "hearings' to get to the bottom of this.

 Maybe that psycho Peggy Noonan can testify for God and his dolphins.
 How can there be so many people in a party full of hatred over one guy's cock?
 ooops, i answered my own question.

 Eric B

 Laura the Unloved Loses in Court

 Dr. Laura the Unloved has settled a slander lawsuit filed against
 her by the owner of a Costa Mesa, Calif., surf shop.

 Tom Moore, owner of the Beach Access surf shop, sued the hag after
 she filed suit against him in October. Schlessinger alleged Moore verbally
 attacked her in public after the unpopular slut announced on the air to
 thousands of people that his store sold stroke mags.

 Laura was referring to a magazine sold at Beach Access called
 Big Brother Skateboarder.  When Moore disputed Laura's lies that his store
 acted as an agent for porn, Laura sued him for calling her a liar in public.
 Since that awful bitch is, indeed a liar, the judge ruled against her.

 Terms of the settlement were not disclosed, but off the record,
 Moore's lawyers and friends are claiming victory.

 "He's going to buy a big-ass house with a pool and a view with that money,"
 said a source that asked to remain anonymous. A home in Orange County
 could run anywhere from $650,000 to $4 million.

 An Orange County judge dismissed Dr. Laura's half of the lawsuit,
 calling it "a strategic lawsuit against public participation."
 (Editor's Note: That's legal mumbo-jumbo for "Horsesh!")

 Moore made his decision to file his $6 million suit after The Unloved told listeners
 his business ''intentionally does things to harm children." Moore's store was
 then flooded with phone calls from angry Schlessinger supporters.

 "She's a bitter old hag and a bully," said Dr. Laura's former KFI (Los Angeles)
 co-worker John Kobylt to his KABC (Los Angeles) listeners recently, reacting to
 this lawsuit and the furor over the hag's upcoming TV hate show and anti-gay comments.

 Hey, Laura!
 The beach boy's lawyer was too much for you?

  ha ha

 Why don't you come after me?
 I could use a house on the beach, too!
 You opportunistic whore,

 ha ha

 From: Fizztwo@aol.com

 What is the Deal with Nazis and Pedophelia?

 Austrian Leader Outed

 The head of Austria’s far-right party has been outed as gay by German and
 Austrian newspapers, The London Guardian reports.

 Jörg Haider, whose Freedom Party joined the ruling government coalition earlier
 this year, has been a controversial figure in Europe for comments that his critics say
 are racist and xenophobic. However, the Berlin Tageszeitung, in an article headlined
 “Jörg simply wants a cuddle,” says that it is widely known among gays in Austria that
 Haider is gay.

 The claims were repeated by the Austrian paper Der Standard.
 Both papers say that gays in Austria are afraid to out Haider
 because they are concerned about an antigay backlash.
 The German paper said that Haider, who resigned as head of the Freedom Party
 last month, prefers sex with young men: “These days he prefers to meet with boys
 from nearby Slovakia.” The age of consent in Slovakia is 15. The Freedom Party’s
 parliamentary leader dismissed the articles as “absurdities and  sleazemongering.”

 Haider has not commented on the stories.
 However, according to Homosexual Initiative, the largest gay political group in Austria,
 “We’ve known about Haider’s homosexuality for about ten years. On the one hand
 we think it’s positive that the rumors are no longer capable of ruining a political career;
 on the other hand an earlier outing of Haider would have been justified.”

 First it was Rush, Slappy and Bob Dornan.
 Now Haider has been outed?
 Is Haider into hampsters, too?

 I wonder - is there a Nazi gene thay has pedophile characteristics?
 Or is it a choice that Nazis go after fifteen-year old boys?

 Tell us, Rush!

 Open letter to GOP:

 We Want Hearings!

 Please, GOP, it's important that we get alllll the facts behind that
 successful raid that brought a father and his son together again.

 A CNN poll shows 75 percent want NO HEARINGS,
 and a USA Today poll shows 68 percent want NO HEARINGS,
 but when has public opinion ever stopped you suicidal bastards?

 One thing:

 Could you guys wait a month or two to get started?
 Maybe you could time the hearings to start convention week?

 That'd be great.


 Laura the Unloved TV Show Already Doomed?

       "It'll be 13 weeks and out," said a Paramount source,
referring to the Laura the Unloved TV show.

"They won't spend any money advertising the show. They'll just go on the air
 quietly in each market they're in, run 13 weeks of shows, then pull the plug
-- no promos, no commercials, no billboards.

       They'd like to cancel it now, but it wouldn't look good. It'll look like they're
bending to public pressure. So they'll just cancel the show after 13 weeks and
blame it on bad ratings. Mark my words."

       The Paramount mole, who wished to remain anonymous,
(Ediotr's note: It's hard to "mark his words" when he's hiding.)
went on to claim that Dr. Laura's test shows have been a disaster.

       "It's like the shows are being hosted by Salman Rushdie or some other
similar-type public enemy No. 1," continued the source.
"We have to keep the tapings top secret to avoid trouble. We have to fool people
in order to get a studio audience. What a mess."

 It figures that if she had to cancel her public birthday party, she'd have to cancel
her little TV show, because people who think Laura is a opportunistic whore-slut
of a human being could easily get in the audience and screw up her show.

 Laura the Unloved  has finally semi-sorta-almost taken a position on Elian.

 She says the raid was "parenting Janet Reno-style."
 No opinion on who should have the boy, the father or the drunks.

 Gee, what if some 4-time DWI gang was holding her precious Dehecshereckhe?

 When it came to her own flesh and blood, would she put away
 her whore personality and act like a concerned mother?

 Or would she do what Scaife ordered?

 Hard to tell, cause money is soooooooooo important to a whore.

 The Hunt for Pig October

 From:  chadbo@tc.umn.edu

 Subject: Pigboy online broadcast

 You can hear Pigboy online from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. CST


 You can also hear the stupidest right-winger imaginable from 2-5,
 and a lame Pigboy wannabe from 5-8.



 It seems El Pigbo has blocked this transmission, too.

 I wonder why he's so afraid?
 His advertisers would be angry if his show got thru to more people?


 But you can still get Pigboy at rushlimbaugh.com


 Hey, Rudy!  Where's your wife?

 She's doing a play in New York that has dialogue such as,

 "If your vagina could talk, what would it say,?"


 "If your vagina got dressed, what would it wear?

 ha ha

 The Guiliani marriage makes the Clintons look like June and Ward Cleaver.
 "Ms. Hanover" dropped her fear-inspiring last name a year ago and she.no
 longer goes to most public events or appears in her husband's campaign ads.
 He  stopped wearing his wedding ring.

 Hey, Rudy! Where's your wife?

 Poor Rudy, I'm going to miss him...

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