Vol 196 - Chain of Fools

 April 30, 2000

The Important Things in Life

From:  Voltai29@mindspring.com

Subject:   #Agave Blues and Tequila Economics
Houston Chronicle, April 23, 2000

Heady with success, most producers apparently failed to plan ahead -
and were shocked to discover that supplies were running out of the
succulent blue agave plant that is used to make tequila.

"Nobody ever imagined that demand would reach these levels," said
Ramon Gonzalez, the head of Mexico's tequila regulatory board.
"It didn't occur to anyone to invest in planting agave seven years
ago, when there was overproduction and prices hit rock bottom."

The agave crisis kicked in a few months ago, sending prices spiraling.

Producers are paying around 7,000 pesos ($742) for a ton of the plant,
which yields a sugary liquid that is fermented and distilled into tequila.
A year ago, prices were 1/10 of that.

Consumers are already suffering the consequences, with some producers
doubling their prices over the last year.

"With problems meeting demand, and tequila getting a lot more expensive,
the risk is people will start drinking other spirits again," says Gonzalez.

***Forget high gasoline prices. This is a true national emergency!!!!


 Dittoes to that!

From: WilliamL15@prodigy.net

Subject:  Gospel Plow?

Don't ever put links into your site such as the above again.
I almost threw up!
I'll never visit your site again
 (not that you'd actually care).

I really mean it.
I'll even vote repugnican if I have to, to get you to stop it!

Bill Landaeta

There are many other stops on the www if I make you sick.
I know  bartcop.com  isn't everybody's favorite.
When the counter stops spinning, I'll stop writing.
Till then, I'm going to have fun.

 Great Sports Quotes

 "Rush Limbaugh's chances of joining MNF now appear almost nil..."
  --  Rudy Martzke in USA Today

 I gotta confess, part of me wanted him to get it.
 Gore couldn't lose this race if he tried, but think how much easier
 it would be for Gore to have whites-only Limba screaming shit like,

"No wonder they're losing, those niggers are lazy!"


"That player walks like a damn faggot."


"This team could be a winner, if they didn't have a Jew owner."


"If Mexicans weren't so stupid, Martinez could've made that play."


"This crowd is unruly tonight - the Irish can't handle their liquor."

 Yep, it's too bad.

 BartCop for the Blind

 Here are another couple of good ones!

 Click Here  for trumps.mp3

 Click Here  for ralph.mp3

 Tell all your blind Democratic friends...

  Possible Breakthru in Elian Custody Case

  bartcop.com  has learned there is a negotiated settlement about to
  be signed between the boy's father and Marisleezes Hysteria.

  The settlement calls for these points to be ratified by both parties:

 - The boy will immediately be granted citizenship in a "special dispensation"
    ceremony ordinarily used by the cash-poor Catholic Church.

 - The boy will be returned to Cuba so he can grow up in the Cuban
    baseball system to allow his curve and slider to be developed.

 - When he is 18, he'll be allowed back to sign with the Florida Marlins.

   ...and Juan Miguel Gonzales gets a hummer from Ann Coulter.

  Great GOP Quotes

 "I think Rudy is politely telling the Republicans that they have to
  get another candidate ready in the wings."
    -- Pollster John McLaughlin, who has close ties
        to the New York Conservative Party

 NRA opens branch office in Pittsburg!

 Shop & Be Shot seen as "partial success," observers say,

 More as details come in...

 Headline in today's USA Today:

 Guliani's Cancer leaves NY race in doubt

 That's not true.
 That race was never in doubt.
 Hillary will win no matter what the lil' kitty does.

 I see the Miami Republican Party has sceduled another riot for Saturday.
 I think it's very thoughtful of them to schedule these riots when we can all watch.

 Fox Whore News can schedule all their top hate-boys to work, thereby
 avoiding that messing changing of the headlines from sane to the insane.

 Hannity is screaming at Reno for breaking her word about,
"not sending troops in the middle of the night."

 If you saw Ted Koppel (less whore than some) last night, they took the
 time to dig out Reno's exact comment, which was on videotape.

 Reno said, "I hereby order the family to surrender the boy at 2 PM.
 This does not mean we will storm the house at 2:01, but we are
 determined to rescue that little boy one way or another"

 That's a little different than, "I hereby swear and affirm that no federal agents
 will ever visit that house without Marisleezes expressed, written permission."

 Hannity, throwing gas on a fire that he set his fucking self.
 How can a good Catholic go on the radio and intentionally tell lies,
 lies that are designed to enflame a city so he can grab for Clinton's cock?

 Sean Hannity is not a man of religion, not a good Catholic as he claims.
 He's a lying son-of-a-bitch.
 I maintain a man cannot be a good Christian and a lying SOB at the same time.

 Show me where I'm wrong.

 One other thing:

 Last night, on Nightline, they played the videotape of "the invasion."
 They had a live clock on-screen while the agents knocked on the door.

 There was more than 32 seconds between the time of the first knock,
 then the second knock, then they pushed thru the door.

 Marisleezes and Lazaro and Fishboy all swore there was no knock- no notice.

 Big-Time Monkey Mail

 From: 2pussy4u@hotmail.com (dead link)

 Subject: Why do you defend Papa Fidel???

 Isn't it a little sad you Clinton apologists are left defending a communist
 relic like Fidel Castro and his pathetic regime. Now I can only assume that
 you admire his politics.

 ha ha
 Pigboy taught you that, didn't he?
 Fabricate the stupidest accusation anyone ever thought of, then say,
 "And if that's true, then it follows that......"  when everyone knows
 you started off with fool's gold in the first place.
 Pigboy has done well with you, my young friend.
 I'll bet you're a Captain in Rush's DMA.
 Am I right?

 After all he's done such a great job turning Cuba into a liberal's paradise.

 You think Castro's done a great job with Cuba?
 I dusagree, but go on...

 I read a letter to the editor on Salon.com the other day from some douche
 who thinks Elian will be better off as Papa Fidel's propaganda puppet
 because "at least Havana has universal healthcare."

 I'll take you on your word that you can read without help.
 I can't speak for "some douche," but yes, Cuba provides health care.

 Yeah right--they also lack a few things--like the right to free speech.

 Cuba has some things we don't have, we have some things Cuba doesn't.
 What point were you attempting to make?

 If you assholes think Castro-ville is such a great place, why don't
 you go down to Florida, get in a raft, and make your way to the Cuban shore.

 If you think the moon is made of green cheese,
 why don't you go there and eat it?
 You see how crazy you sound?

 Just like Rush, you invent my position for me, then explain why I'm wrong.
 Are you on the EIB debate team?

 What if YOU were to tell me what YOU think,
 then I could explain where YOU were wrong?
 That's called, "a conversation."

 By all means take Bill, Hillary, Al and Janet with you.

 Where are you sending me, and why?
 Why would Bill, Hillary, Al and Janet want to go to some unknown place
 with BartCop,  a place chosen by a no-name ditto-monkey?
 Do you understand you're not making any sense?

 Have you had a stroke, like El Pigbo?

 Post this if you have the balls, which I doubt.

 ha ha

 You think it takes courage to post an e-mail from a ditto-monkey?
 Who told you that, Rush?

 ha ha

 This website is unlike anything Rush does.
 Rush has admitted his show is the most tightly-screened show on radio.
 He does that because he can't do what I do.
 He take take on all comers and win.
 All he can do, like you, is hide and pretend.

 I invite critics to take their best shot, because I'm confident that no matter
 what you throw at me, I can dismantle it in less time than it takes me
 to type the answer. I don't sit here, mouth open, staring into space,
 trying to think of some way to get out of some ditto-monkey "trap."
 The problem is my fingers work so much slower than my IQ-of-64 brain.

 On the other hand, Rush has his screener put thru every uneducated caller
 who agrees with His Pigness.  Rush has never been in a debate in his life.

 I live for that stuff.

 I'm like Roy Jones Jr.
 I'm looking for anybody, anywhere who can give me a fight.
 Do you know anyone who could give me a fight?

 ...and don't suggest that coward at rushonline.com

 He doesn't want any part of me.
 Like you,
 like Rush,
 He wants to hide and pretend.

 If I couldn't defend myself,
 if I had no fucking idea what I believed in,
 if I had no goddamn clue what I was fighting for,
 if I got all my "facts" from a DampRid salesman,
 I guess I might hide, too.

 So run back to Free Republic and be a hero there.
 In the coming weeks, months or years, if you run into someone who claims
 he can defend conservativism, send him to me, would you?


 From:  tweatherred@earthlink.net

 Subject: Conservative Hypocrisy # ?????

 Greetings and thanks for the most sensible site on the web!

 ha ha
 Excuse me, Sir.
 I believe you may have the wrong number.

 Have I missed it, or has no one commented on the fact that the same crowd
 that decries "judicial activism" when it comes to abortions or having blacks and
 whites learning or eating together thinks it's just fine and dandy that the 11th
 Circuit Court of Appeals is willing to ignore decades, even centuries of
 immigration and parental custody law in order to apppease the Miami mafia?

 The gist of the comment I heard on NPR the other day is also appropo:
 what if a non-custodial relative in Afghanistan (or Iran/Iraq/Massabama)
 declares that it would be immoral to return a child to the infidels in the U.S.A.?
 It has happened before. Do the troglodytes really expect the U.S. to trash
 long held legal principles (kids belong with their parents) just to embarass Castro?


 VCR Alert

 I've seen this a half-dozen places, so I believe it:

 Critics say NBC's The 70's is as bad as TV can possibly get.
 Koresh, that's strong language.

 They say it just couldn't get any worse if they put Smirk in charge of it.
 * (One star only, and that's being nice)

 On the other hand, nothing but universal "I'm not worthies" to ABC's Arabian Nights.
 They say this is TV at it's very best.
 **** (Four stars out of four)

 Both Sunday night.

 However, the X-Files is also not to be missed.
 Written and directed by David Duchovney, starring his wife Tea Leoni
 and Gary Shandling playing the TV versions of the real Scully & Mulder.

 Duchovney says this is his goodbye to the show.

 Just when you thought you've seen everything...

 Click Here  to begin, but don't leave without  Clicking Here

 The Christian's Guide to Small Arms was developed in response
 to the fact that most American Christians have fallen into ignorance
 concerning the responsibilities and skills required of the Christian freeman.

 A Snippet from The Nation


 Ahhh! A gun! Elian saw a gun! Oh, the humanity.

 Make no mistake, CCs will tell you -- guns are wonderful things, just what
 the average Joe needs to repel intruders. But this was a bad gun, an evil government gun.
 According to CCs, the German-made Heckler & Koch submachine gun captured in
 Alan Diaz's famous photo has special powers. Unlike the millions of weapons on
 display at pawn shops and gun shows, this one can take a child's innocence without
 firing a single shot; indeed, without the user even touching the trigger or
 pointing it at the child.

 By Special Request

 Serdar at The Gline.com has audioized some "classic" Bartcop as mp3 files.
 Here's another few very short ones, and a long one at the end.:

 Click Here  for the NRA clip:  (get it?)

 Click Here  for the Yahoo BartCop Tag Line

 Click Here  for a Nancy Reagan short

 and last, a bigger file, one of the best.

 This is the Agent Aldrich book story.
 Allow time to load fully.

 Ann Coulter?
 Ann Coulter?

 What could be more fun than This Here?

 Both Barrels

 From:  sven9@mindspring.com

 Subject: Shrub's Fund Raiser and Elian Rant

 At the fund raiser Bush just had where he raised 21 mil, they had a visitor.
 Granny D, who is walking across America to bring attention to campaign reform.
 Bush lambasted Gore when she showed up at the Democratic fund raiser and
 was turned away. Well she showed up at Dubyah's little affair and not only was
 she not allowed in but was told that if she did not leave security would be called
 and she would be pushed out.  Senator Fred Thompson (R-Die Hard, Hunt For Red
 October, Tennesse Tuxedo) an advocate of campaign reform wouldn't speak with her.
 Senator Bob Smith (Moron from New Hampshire, Ms Haddock's home state)
 wouldn't speak to her either.

 Ordinarily, I'd say, "Let's let them have this one," because nobody gets in those
 fund-raisers without paying, but you're right.

 Smirk made such a big thing out of Gore turning her away, which did not happen.
 Some high-school kid near the door told her to go away.
 (I got the full story from http://www.bushwatch.com/)
 Besides, it's not right to talk about finance reform when you're collecting
 $21,000,000 from the Cancer Lob-Bee and the Rifle Lob-Bee.


 What is this crap about a U.S. Court of Appeals issuing an order forbidding
 the Gonzales kid from going to his country's embassy, consulate or any
 diplomatic office? This is bullshit. We are telling an illegal alien that
 he CANNOT go to the embassy of his country.

 Steven Bennett

 You are correct - it is bullshit.
 That's one of those things that so damn obvious, nobody thought of it.
 What if Ol' BartCop was arrested in Mexico a second time, and I was
 let out with the understanding I couldn't leave or go to the US Embassy.

 America is usually right, but even when we're wrong, we're so goddamn
 arrogant we'd be ready to launch against any country that did to us
 what we do to them on a regular basis.

 Think of some mother took her baby to see the folks back in Iran.
 The mother is killed in an automobile accident,
 and the American father is demanding the boy be returned.


 Iran sees America as the "Great Satan," and, knowing the mother knew
 that we were the Great Satan, decides to let the drunken relatives have
 the child, instead of his father.

 America would go ballistic in a heartbeat.
 Clinton is right.
 Reno is right.
 The majority of the voters are right.

 The Republicans know they're wrong.
 The Republicans know this will cost them house and senate seats.
 The Republicans know hearings will sink them, but they are religiously insane.

 They don't mind committing suicide because there's a chance
 they might get an inch closer to sticking that shiv into Clinton.

From:  welderstan@home.com

 Subject: patti reagan pics


 Stan, I can understand your being upset.
 When an ultra-conservative like Ronald Reagan sees pictures of his own daughter
 in a world-wide magazine letting a man do that to her, it must hurt terribly.
 On top of that, he's a black man!!!!


 How many bodybuilders have I seen that don't spend as much time.....what?
 I got lost.


 Oh, good.
 I thought you were going to leave me hanging...


 You started out really poorly, but you've redeemed your self somewhat
 by clearly stating the horror a Smirk administration might be.



 It wouldn't hurt to have your blood pressure checked, Stan


 Great Insane Quotes

 "Did you know Elian liked to lick my face?"
  -- Fisherman Donato Dalrymple

 Oh, Christ!
 If anybody ever needed looking into it's this nimrod.


We have obtained film of Elian and Uncle Lazaro getting their load on.


Thanks to Dr. Tobor at http://www.mediaupdatenet.com/


 Since Smirk claims he can speak fluent Spanish,
 why does he call him Eeee-Lee-Ann?

 Crackhead Bob on Stern pronounces it better than that

April 27, 2000

 Maureen Dowd

 Click Here

There was this guy who was about to die.

He was lying on his death bed when all of a sudden he smelled something delicious.
He used the last strength he had left to crawl to the kitchen. Then when he got
there he saw a big plate of cookies on the counter.

So he crawled to the counter and tried to grab one.
His wife saw him, and slapped his hand and said,

"No, those are for the funeral."

 I have a Question for the Republicans

 The Republican Party doesn't allow any hand-made signs of any kind
 at their gatherings such as speeches and fund-raisers.
 I'm sure they have a good reason, but I've never heard it explained.

 My best guess is that they're afraid their people would write things like,
 "Fuck faggot-loving, nigger-loving Clinton" and cameras would record it,
 and all decent Americans would recoil in horror at such behavior.

 So my question is:

 If Republicans aren't willing to trust their people with pens,
 how can they be willing to trust them with guns?

 The Secrets of Ditto-Monkey Talk Radio

 Click Here

 Thanks to James Farek

 Rush just said Elian's parents weren't married when he was born.
 He said Juan shouldn't have legal custody because of that.

 Butt Rush!
 Butt Rush!

 Laura the Unloved wasn't married when Deherechkyce was born.
 Don't tell Janet Reno or she might try to rescue the little bastard.

 ha ha

 Rush just said Cuban jails are full of, "human scum."

 Butt Rush!
 Butt Rush!

 Yesterday you said Castro threw his political enemies into prison.
 You said the "freedom fighters" were in Castro's jails.

 Did they turn into scum last night?
 What time Rush?
 What time?

 Begala Shoots the Bull

 Last night's GOP fundraiser garnered $21.3 million from every fat cat,
 sleaze-bag and special interest in Washington. In his speech last night,
 George W. Bush lamented that "Americans have seen a cycle of bitterness;
 an arms race of anger." He pledged that "I will set a different tone.
 I will restore civility and respect to our national politics."

 This from the man who said McCain doesn't support breast cancer research?
 This from the man who sat and smiled as a fringe group leader accused McCain
 of betraying his fellow POW's?   This from the man who conducted an
 unscrupulous whisper campaign, questioning McCain's mental health?
 This from the man who shamelessly sucked-up to Bob Jones University?

 He dares to lecture the American people about dignity and civility?

 Before the fundraiser Bush met with Russian foreign minister Igor Ivanov.
 Bush spent an hour pretending to care about foreign policy. Armed with such
 extensive experience, Bush announced at the conclusion of the hour that he's ready
 to fundamentally redefine U.S.-Russian relations. I'm not making this up.

 According to the New York Times, Bush emerged from a meeting with Russian
 foreign minister Igor Ivanov and announced,  "It's time to redefine relations."

 He spends 60 whole minutes -- as long as an episode of "The Dukes of Hazzard"!
-- and he's suddenly prepared to radically alter the geopolitical architecture
 of the post-Cold War world.

 And, here I thought he was a lightweight.

 Wacky Marisleezes Quotes

"They've taken his mind!

 ( ha ha)
  Rush says they've drugged Elian with "happy juice."

  No one can tell me that Elian wants to leave America!
  No one!"

 ...apparently, not even Elian.

 Pyschic Pigboy

 You know, even if you disagree with The Pig as much as I do,
 you've got to admit his ability to foretell future events is awesome.

 He's been crowing and bragging, again and again, that he predicted
 that Elian would want to go home with his daddy.

 Is Pigboy a miracle worker or what?

 What are the odds that a scared and confused little boy
 might want to go home with his father?


 Koresh, he's been insufferable about it, too.
 Again and again and again. He even made his staff dig up the tape
 from yesterday where he predicted this one-in-ten-trillion event.

 After he played the tape again and again, he played it again and again
 AGAIN, this time speaking over it to somehow prove to the braindead
 that he was talking over a tape, a tape which could've been made today.

What an idiot!

He's still crowing about being right.
In his own egomaniacal mind, it's as tho he picked the correct order
of finishers for next year's Kentucky Derby even before this year's Derby.

He's got an ego as big as Laura the Unloved, and it's hungry.

Hey, Rush!
Impress us again!

Where will the sun rise tomorrow, Rush?

 From: Hisey, Peter

 Subject: Rudy

 I'm just hoping that Rudy gets a Haitian doctor.
 "OK, bend over, your honor.
 This will only hurt for several hours.

 Nurse, the mop handle please."

 Smirk the Fundraiser

 Smirk raised over $21,000,000 at the $1500-a-plate dinner last night
 in the city he despises so much he doesn't want a DC running mate.

 I realize I was raised by Catholic nuns, but when I did the math, I realized
 if you divide $21,000,000 by $1500 per dinner you have 14,000 people eating.

 Musta been a big room.

 Great Hollywood Quotes

 Question: Ms. Fonda, have you ever had a boss like the one Dabney Coleman
                  played in your movie, "9 to 5?"

 Jane:       Yes, and I've had a few husbands - who shall remain nameless
                 - that (she means who) were rather difficult as well.

Ediotr's Note: Ms. Fonda was married to Roger Vadim,
                        Tom (Chicago 8) Hayden and Ted (the Tomahawk) Turner.

 Pigboy, how could you?

 El Pigbo's second topic was Rudy's cancer and the Vagina Monologs,
 He called the Vagina Monologs a "cunning stunt."

 Get it?

 He thought it was so goddamn clever, he said it twice.

 Great GOP Quotes

 "We're getting hammered here on the Hill over Elian,
  and we don't know what to do about it."
    -- a senior aide to a GOP senator


 His Pigness opened his show with that once-funny gag
 about his show "being right 98.2 percent of the time."

 He says this is completely documented by The Sullivan Group
 which is located in Sacramento, Intelligencia.

 A while back,while arguing politics with my old boss, a total dittohead,
 he looked at me as serious as crib death and said,

 "But BartCop, he's documented right almost all the time!"

 I thought I was going to f-ing die trying to stifle my laughter.

 You just can't look your boss in the eye and say,
 "Sir, you can't be that stupid, you just can't be."

 The poor guy didn't understand that Pigboy was just making a funny.
 He's got an old friend named Tom Sullivan in Sacramento and that's
 his way of saying, "Hello," but much of the ignoratti take it seriously.

 ...and the ignoratti votes count just like an intelligent vote.

 Ain't that a bitch?

 Celebrity Mail

 From:  Cunningham Strikes

 "Let the hearings begin!"

 You heard right. I am in favor of partisan hearings by the republicans
 against Janet (Flawless Rescue) Reno about the Elian Gonzalez rescue.

 From USA Today/CNN poll 4-25-00

 Should congress hold hearings concerning the Miami rescue?
 28% Yes, hold hearings
 68% No do not hold hearings

 Do you approve of federal agents removing Elian?
 60% approve
 35% disapprove

 Do you approve or disapprove of the way that wacky, nutty Miami
 Gonzalez family handled the situation?
 37% approve
 57% disapprove

 Once again, with feeling:
 Should congress hold hearings concerning the Miami rescue?
 28% Yes, hold hearings
 68% No do not hold hearings

 Last time I saw numbers like that, they were telling the republicans by about
 70% to NOT go ahead with the impeachment. But they refused to listen to the
 vast majority of their constituency and played partisan politics against the
 wishes of most Americans. And it cost the republicans in the ’98 election
 (projected 30+ seat gain- barely broke even).

 So I’m all for the republicans once again going against the direct wishes of
 an overwhelming majority of Americans, and holding partisan hearings in their
 bi-weekly attempt to “get” Clinton (and thru osmosis, Reno).

 Like I said, “LET THE HEARINGS BEGIN!!!!!!!!!!”

 Leno did a Marisleezes Joke

 "She's a little unstable. They want Elian because in that family
  he's the most normal one, like the little girl in The Munsters.

 Is this a gag?

 No, it's real.
 The Pope and Alanis Morissette are doing a gig in Italy.
 USA Today says Alanis, who played God in that great Catholic movie Dogma,
 is backing up the Pope along with Lou Reed and Eurythmics.
 Sounds like my good friend FizzTwo had a hand in this.

 Fizz - you never told me you were Catholic!

 He wrote from Europe a week ago, but didn't let on that he was
 putting this Pope/Morissette/Reed gig together.

 Fizz, if you get this in time, let me know about those tour dates for
 Snake River Conspiracy.

 Click above for a snippet of Snake River Conspiracy's "Vulcan."

If you're 18 or above, go to http://www.srcxxx.com/indexa.htm

I first heard these guys on the "Fuck Censorship" CD.
Don't say I didn't warn you.

You know that Christian group "Up With People?"
This ain't them.

 TV Stuff

 You know how I'm always claiming I could've come up
 with a better ending to some TV show or a movie?

 Well, I couldn't have done any better with last night's West Wing.
 Even tho I could see it coming up Sixth Avenue from a mile away,
 the beginning of this three-part story arc was set up perfectly.

 Spoiler - if you taped it to watch later, don't read this.
 (And sorry again for spilling the dead Pussy beans.)

 Big Crisis at the White House

 A staffer, before she joined the current administration, wrote a scathing memo
 critical of Clinton, I mean Bartlet, saying he was too timid and never had the
 cojones to take on the big, important issues of the day.

 As the story unfolds, we see that his staff agrees with the memo.
 Wasn't that mini-monolog from John Amos a killer?
 He's come a long, long way since he was JJ "Dyno-nite's" dad.
 (I'll have that audio posted by tonight.)

 All during the show, the GOP assholes keep threatening to bring up
 scary issues like the "English being the official language" bill.
 This made the WH staffers quake like lil' scared bunnies,
 and I'm watching this with Mrs. BartCop yelling at the TV,
 "Hey! If you can't defend your goddamn position,
  you ought to consider that the GOP asshole might be right."

 I hate it when people have very strong opinions about that which
 they cannot defend - it's too much like religion.

 Bottom line, by the end of the show, Clinton, I mean Bartlet decides
 that it's OK to be a one-termer because he's going to fight like Tyson
 to get his agenda on the table and kick Republican ass big-time.
 Screw the politics, just do the right thing, like Clinton.

 The next two installments of this show should be killer.

 Hey, NBC!
 It'd be nice if you ran those in the next two weeks!

 BartCop for the Blind

 We are very proud to introduce a new feature.
 BartCop for the Blind!

 My buddy Serdar at http://www.thegline.com/  has a voice like a DJ.
 He also has a recording studio and knows how to use it.

 He has taken some BartCop bits and audioized them.
 These are mp3 files, so you'll need to download them.
 Put them in any directory you like.
 You could put them in the same directory where you have archived
 all the classic BartCop newsletters.

 When it's done loading, use Windows Explorer to find the directory
 and click on the file. If you have an mp3 player, it'll start.
 (You've GOT to have an mp3 player if you have speakers on your computer.
   If you don't have an mp3 player, get one. Trust me.)

 He's done a bunch of them,.
 Let's do a few, a see if you like them as much as I do.

 The very first one goes out to Marc Perkel,
 the next Republican Senator from Missouri.

 When night we met Susan McDougal, he said that this bit was his favorite.
 I didn't let the fact that his favorite was 4 years old upset me :)

 Click Here to hear DoleHD.mp3

 Click Here if you liked it.   There are lots more.

 Click Here if you didn't.

 Wasssssuuuuuuuppppp Update

 From:  bluelens@hotmail.com

 Wasssuuuppp has been taken down by the AP
 but if you go to http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view.php3?id=266
 for now, you can still see it.

 Joshua Hoover

 Great She-Devil Quotes

 "If your family members are stupid or annoying, you put up with that.
  If they are evil and dangerous, you shut them out of your life."
   -- Laura the Unloved


 Laura's mother, father and sister are all "evil and dangerous?"
 And her husband's ex-wife and children are also "evil and dangerous?"
 And her mentor, Bill Ballance, was "evil and dangerous?"


 I'm so afraid of getting stomped by that mean lady,
 I'm going to find a way to back out of this race.

 Let me see...

 I could say I need to spend more time with my family,
 but they'd know that was a lie because my wife left me.

 I could say I just want to concentrate on being mayor,
 but everyone knows my ego's way too big for that.

 I could say I never intended to run, after all,
 I still haven't formally filed for that stupid senate race, anyway.

 Oh, me, Oh my, what will I do?

 I know!
 I'll tell them I have prostate cancer!
 ha ha

 That'll work!
 It's perfect!

 No, wait!
 I'll announce that I have prostrate cancer, and make it look
 like I'm so shook up that I got the name wrong.
 Yeah, that's the ticket!

 I'll get lots of sympathy, and I'll be seen as a fighter!
 I'll call a press conference and tell cancer to "bite me,"
 and these New Yorkers will eat that up!

 But - how will Hillary react?

 Oh, no.
 What if she shows sympathy and wishes me good luck?
 What if she comes to visit me in the hospital?
 She'll be seen as the younger, smarter, kinder, healthier
 alternative to my old, gruff ass.

 Dammit, how do I always get myself in a mess like this?

 True Hero Quotes

 Randy Weaver, Tim McVeigh... the GOP needs another hero.
 He's ready and willing to serve.

 "I'm on the cover of every newspaper and magazine in the world, and I'm
  hanging out with all these elite people, and it's hard to know what to do.

 When I'm in Miami, people shout to me,
 'Pescador, pescador , Don't leave for Washington. We need leaders here.'

 I hear screams, 'Donato for mayor! Donato for mayor!'
 I'm flattered; 800,000 Cubans love me. Yeah, I could see myself walking
 through that door and maybe running for mayor or that lower office, you know,
 what is it? Commissioner or something? I'm the savior of a boy."

  -- Donato Dalrymple, Savior of the Christ-child

 Monkey Mail

 From:  mark@m3hosting.com

 Subject: Search

 You ingorant liberal.

 ha ha

 I've been called everything from "Mad Dog" to "Slayer of Liddy,"
 but I've never been called ingorant before.

 What is a "search" warrant?

 ha ha

 You mean you don't know?
 A "search" warrant is an order signed by a judge that allows
 a law enforcement agency to search a home or business.
 How old are you that you don't know what a "search" warrant is?

 Is it a Court Order.

 I just said that.
 If you knew, why did you ask?

 Also you site is pathetic.

 ha ha

 "You" letter is typical ditto-speak.

 Mark A. McIver,


 If you haven't been to  http://www.geocities.com/elian_true/  you should go.

 Here's the best way to do it to avoid spoiling it:
 Turn your speakers down, click on the URL and go get a coke.
 It takes about 3 minutes to load, but if you watch it load,
 you'll see what it's building and it'll be better if you see it all at once.

 So after you get your coke, come back and hit "reload"
 and you'll get to see the joke.

 Special VCR Alert

 Before I forget, Saturday night is the White House Correspondent's dinner.
 I believe Jay Leno is the entertainment, but you gotta know our best president
 will have a great 10 minute's worth of material.

 This is the one you can't miss.
 This is the once-a-year roast where everything can happen.

 Saturday night, probably 8 PM or so on C-Span.
 It surely will be repeated, but who knows when.

 Not to be missed!

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