Vol 228 - One of My Turns

 July 20, 2000

 McCain willing to be Smirk's Cabanaboy
   But wants to be known as "Bendan Spredem"

 AUSTIN, Texas (AP) -- Everybody's favorite former-hero John McCain
 told Tommy Ridge (R-Baby-Killer) that he would be Smirk's date,
 IF, he said, IF Smirk asks him reeeeeal nice.

 McCain, who has previously ruled out a vice presidential bid, told Pennsylvania
 Gov. Tom Ridge, amid a series of developments abruptly raising McCain's profile
 as Bush draws close to making a decision, officials said.

 Two of the sources said Ridge told a senior Bush adviser about his conversation,
 and received a "fat fucking chance" reply from the Smirk camp.

 From:  revolution.one@worldnet.att.net

 Subject: life

 There are now three certainties of life:

      John McCain is a whore.

 Principle has a price after all.
 Bart, are we all just whores?



 Well, McCain was even before this last rumor started.
 If he takes the job, we know he is,
 but the jury's still out on the rest of us.

 Let's help Smirk name his plane

 From: ChrisNoSt@aol.com

  Heir Farce One

 From: astod@frontiernet.net

 air force, not!
 white line express
 awol airlines
 party hardy air
 airhead one
 "your name here" call 1-800-noseblow

  Click  Here  for the "Name Smirk's plane" contest.


  and submit your idea to  bartcop.com.

 From: JennyQ1@aol.com

 Subject: Re: It's The Economy, Stupid.

 A Princeton Survey found that 39 percent said the candidate's
 "positions on the issues" ranks first, followed by character, experience,
 intelligence, party affiliation, and choice of vice president.

 The one who can scream "UMMIE FINISH!! UMMIE FINISH!!" the loudest
 whilst jumping up and down ranks first on my list.

 ha ha

 From: Paulwetor@aol.com

 GW Bush was in town recently and look at the article to the right of his picture.

 From: Jon_Bastian@paramount.com


 Bartcop -- much as I'd really, really like to turn up the dirt to confirm
 that Ben Stein is everything you say he is, I ran across this little snippet,
 much to my chagrin. What do you make of it? I found this at
 http://www.soundbitten.com/120299.html  condensed from a "Spin" interview
 of Stein. The pertinent bit is extracted below, in which the interviewer
 is talking about a soon to premiere Stein talk show.

 I haven't tracked down the original interview yet, but this seems to be
 getting toward the source of the Clinton funeral letter story.


 Ben Stein Interview

 This interview originally appeared, in a more condensed form, in SPIN.

 G.B.: Who's your dream guest?

 Ben Stein: I would love beyond words to have Bill Clinton as
 a guest. And I'll tell you why, may I? Because this is kind of interesting.
 I write for a very conservative magazine called the American Spectator.
 And I've written many a critical thing about Bill Clinton.
 Many critical things.

 My father died eight days ago, last Wednesday.
 My father was a famous man, and a great man.
 There were huge obituaries about him in the Washington Post, the Wall Street Journal,
 which rarely has obituaries, and the New York Times, and at his funeral, President Clinton
 sent Larry Summers, Secretary of the Treasury, and Gene Sperling, the head of the
 Economic Policy Council, to the funeral, and sent along with them a personal letter
 from Bill and Hillary Clinton, telling me and my sister how much they respected my father
 even though he was a Republican, and how much they would miss his honest, above-party
 analysis of issues.

 And I think that was the classiest move I have ever seen in my life,
 and I don't think I will ever say another critical word about him.
 I am so humbled by what a classy gesture that was,
 I can't get quite get it out of my head.
 I was quite literally moved to tears by it and still am -
 I carry the letter around with me everywhere I go
 I'm so, so moved by it.

 Well, it seems we have a mystery, don't we?

 First, in e-mail dated TODAY, he said:
 I have no idea of what "bartcop" is but they made this up.
 This is all made up by some sick sad person.
 I never said these things or thought them and my sister is very much alive, thank God.

 Stein is a goddamn speechwriter - he made his living with words.
 He took that talent all the way to the White House, so he's hardly some bungler,
 trying to string words together to form a coherent thought.
 He acted like this was all some Greek language opera, and he didn't understand
 what in the world the e-mail could even be talking about

 When he had the chance, why didn't he say, "No, the exact opposite is true."

 Second, if you've ever heard him talk about Clinton, you know how
 out-of-character the above remarks are for him.

 Third, it has been suggested I was "hosed."
 No, I read this in the Tulsa World newspaper, so don't think I was "hosed,"
 by some prankster cutting and pasting his words into a fake e-mail.

 Fourth, what I read was obviously AFTER his father's death, otherwise
 there'd be no note. So Stein came to this "miracle epiphany" either before or
 after his SPIN interview.

 I'll find that column Stein.
 It will prove Stein is crazy, dissing Clinton in a column,
 then praising him in an interview, all in less than a week?

 How crazy is he?

 From:  artsankey@hotmail.com

 Subject: Quick way to piss off Dubya

 If you go to www.gopconvention.com, you can virtually sign a banner
 that will be presented to George W. Bush upon his arrival in Philadelphia.
 There are only predetermined greetings availible, but wait- there is a loophole!

 Your name is published below the greeting.
 When you register at the site, you can put in whatever you want as your first and last name.
 Political messages, profanity, slander, whatever you want, can be your name signed to
 the greeting banner.

 Arthur Sankey

 ha ha

 I'm there, Dude!

 From: Hudly55@aol.com

 Subject: McCain V.P.


 Bill Kristol on Chris the Catholic last night also said that McCain was the
 pick and Smirk alluded to it as well. I was talking to Alaska Tom yesterday
 and we both agree that after the coke and guard thing the press will dismiss
 and give G.W. a pass on about anything.

 If Bush picks McCain and the bombshells you say are out there prove to be duds
 Bush is the next Prez.


 Worried in Oregon, Bernie

 Bernie, no problemo.

 Gore couldn't lose this if he tried.

 Hey,  Altz@rushonline.com

 I can't return mail to you.

 This Just In...

 Steve Largent (R-Jesus Twin) says he has it on "good authority"
 that  John McCain  has agreed to be Smirk's running mate
 because the Smirk people say Gore will beat them without McCain.

 Largent made the remarks on the K-Drag AM station that airs Pigboy's show.

 From: Mshotz@aol.com

 Subject:  "Dubyah's" new web site has a contest to name his campaign plane!

 This is TOOOO good to pass up!

 I already entered 'Wanker One"

 Lets try for some more...

 "Blow Monkey One"
 "White Snow One"
 "Texas Air National Guard One"

 What else?

 Let's have some fun and be subversive!

 Ediotr's Note: As of 5:42 CST, Smirk's site is DOWN.
 Maybe they're working on his resignation speech?

 Emmy Talk

 From:  zepp@snowcrest.net

 Subject: Stockyard Channing over Allison Janney?

 Surely you've gone mad, BartCop.
 "CJ" like Toby, is utterly central to WW.

 I like Channing, and like the job she's done as First Lady, but she's
 only been in three eps. Janney is there every week, with at least five
 minutes of camera time. She's usually central to the main plot.

 The woman who plays Sheen's secretary should get some recognition, too.

 Allison Janney gets a boost from her utterly chilling performance in "American Beauty".


 Remember, I said I don't even like Stockard Channing.
 Maybe it was the director's work I'm really praising, but when Channing
 made her first appearance, she stole that whole show. I was damn impressed.
 And the MS episode was one of their strongest.

 Yes, she's a very small part of the show, but she made a big splash.

 Ben Stein Tries to Weasel Out

 From:  (withheld)

 Subject: Ben Stein


 Big fan.

 I was surprised to see the recent story about Ben Stein, who I had previously
 regarded as a modest comedic talent in his movie appearances, commercials
 and his game show "Win Ben Stein's Money".  I was unaware that he
 even wrote for the American Spectator, and was very disappointed
 that he sounded like another knee-jerk Far Right Republican.

 I took it upon myself to send him an email, calling him out on the issue
 of the "Clinton Letter" that was sent to him offering condolences on his
 sister's death, and his reply.  I didn't really expect so much as a "form email"
 from his office in reply, so I was quite astonished to get a reply that was
 presumably from Ben Stein himself.

 What follows is the text of my original message to him, and the four replies FROM him.

 SUBJECT:  Comedy or Hatred?

  TO:  BenStein@aol.com

 Ben Stein-
 You appear to represent yourself on Comedy Central and other places as a
 fun-loving entertainer.  I have previously enjoyed your "gameshow" and
 commercials and movie appearances.
 I now hear on bartcop.com that you have a political hatred for our President
 which seems to be genuine, as opposed to the cowardly copout  that other
 comedians usually use when asked point-blank about their material,
 i.e. "It's just a JOKE!"

 Here's an excerpt of what I read.

 "After the death of my sister, I was surprised to get a personal note
 from the president.   After all the things I had written about him and
 his lack of morals and ethics, and what   a dispicable bastard he was,
 the man took time out from his busy schedule to write me a personal
 note. This was very unexpected. The president didn't need to send me
 this   note of condolence, especially after all the terrible things I'd
 written about him.   I was very surprised to hear anything from the
 White House, much less getting a beautiful, hand-written note,"

 Nothing wrong with that, certainly.
 But THEN the story goes, you went on to say THIS:

 "It just proves that no matter how evil and horrible a man truly is, no matter
  how many women he's raped, beaten and destroyed, somewhere, deep, deep,
  deep, deep, deep down, even the most vile of vicious scumbag rapists must
  have a sliver of decency buried somewhere."

 Is this TRUE?  Did you say that?  Do you honestly BELIEVE any of  that?

 If so, you deserve everything that's being said about you on the 'net.
 I'm interested in hearing back from you, copout or not.
 I then listed your website as the source of the story, then signed my name and city.
 Within two hours, I received these four replies (his words are marked in red),
 as if he was hurrying thru a stack of emails, and answering them quickly before he went to bed:

 REPLY (1)
 "After the death of my sister, I was surprised to get a personal note
  from the president.   After all the things I had written about him and
  his lack of morals and ethics, and what   a dispicable bastard he was,
  the man took time out from his busy schedule to write me a personal
  note. This was very unexpected. The president didn't need to send me
  this   note of condolence, especially after all the terrible things I'd
  written about him.   I was very surprised to hear anything from the
  White House, much less getting a   beautiful, hand-written note,"
 This is made up. I did not write this.

 REPLY (2) Nothing wrong with that, certainly.  But
 THEN the story goes, you went on to say THIS:

  "It just proves that no matter how evil and horrible a man truly is,
    no matter how man women he's raped, beaten and destroyed,
    somewhere, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep down, even the most vile of
  vicious scumbag rapists must have a sliver of decency buried somewhere."
 I have no idea of what "bartcop" is but they made this up.

 REPLY (3)

 This is all made up by some sick sad person.
 I never said these things or thought them and my sister is very much alive, thank God.

 REPLY (4)

 <<  I now hear on bartcop.com >>
 What is bartcop?

 Now surely someone as "smart" as Ben Stein claims to be would be able to figure out
 how to type in "bartcop.com" in his browser to find out, but he apparently did not.

 So now I'm confused.  Would you please post a link to anything you have on Ben Stein
 that I can refer back to?  If he said these things, then he is as despicable as you say.
 He is also a liar.  I would like to throw his own words back in his face,
 if you can provide me the online documentation.
 Thanks in advance for any help.
 (if you decide to post any of this on your
 site, please call me "DFL".)


 Ben Stein is lying very selectively.
 What he did was deny that every word was exactly true.
 Since his sister is still alive, that gave him the out to say, "I didn't write that."
 He's answering the question the way Clinton did with Monica,
 dancing around the truth until he can be nailed exactly.

 But Clinton was afraid of being caught with Monica.
 What is Ben Stein so afraid of?

 If he had any honesty at all, he would've answered this way:

 Yes, when my (whoever) died, I got a nice, personal note from Clinton.
 Yes, I despise him and everything he stands for.
 Yes, I hate his guts.
 Yes, I attacked Clinton's character in the column where I disclosed
 that he sent me a nice, personal note about my (whoever.)

 That would've made his position clear and settled the issue.
 But no.

 He's playing "Tommy Dimwit."

 Since his sister is still alive, he chose to play stupid and ignore everything you were asking.
 I don't expect him to know what a "bartcop" is, but if it had been me, I would've taken
 the time to answer your letter instead of sending  four  e-mails with half-denials.

 I've been searching for that column.
 If it can be located, the reader can decide if I stretched the truth.
 Granted, Stein didn't say "deep, deep, deep, deep down,"
 but anyone who can read his column and disagree with my
 characterization of it gets a free car.

 You know, Ben Stein can be as big a prick as he wants - that's OK.
 It's OK to hate Clinton with every hair on your head, too.
 But when an enemy extends his hand at a funeral, so to speak,
 it takes a real son-of-a-bastard to blow snot on his hand.

 That's what pissed me off.

Ben Stein is a psycho jackass
   by Lukas Hauser

   Holy shit, do I hate Ben Stein!

   This self-absorbed, utterly idiotic "smart guy" is a chump. Unaware that the whole
   world dislikes him, Ben Stein goes throughout his life thinking that he got where he
   got because he's intelligent and hardworking. Naw, Ben, we're laughing at you.

   Fellow chump and Time writer-at-large Joel Stein writes about the unrelated Ben
   in this week's issue. Some juicy tidbits emerge:

   Although left-leaning in college, the whining Stein for some reason
   converted to retard Republicanism and joined the Nixon White House
   as a speechwriter. After Nixon resigned in disgrace, Stein was fired
   from the Ford administration for crying.

   Stein moved from Washington to Los Angeles and became a
   Penthouse columnist, where he met up with auteur director John Hughes
   who hired him for the life-changing Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

  But the highlight was Stein's cluelessness:

 "When Stein received applause from the crew members," Joel Stein
   writes in Time, "he figured it was for successfully explaining the
   Hawley-Smoot Tariff Act, but they were just impressed that he could
   act so boring." What a sucker!

  Stein is a fucking jackass. He gets his feewings so hurt every time he
  loses on "Win Ben Stein's Money" that his therapist wrote him a
 self-affirming little note which he carries in his wallet at all times:
        "This game does not measure your real intelligence,
          which no one would ever question."

Hey Stein!
I got news for you. *I* am questioning your intelligence, you moron.

 From:  http://www.fair.org

Ben Stein: TV's Two-Faced Pundit

CNN Crossfire on Gary Hart and the Media (5/12/87)

Host Tom Braden: Ben Stein is a media critic in Los Angeles, and I'd like to ask him...
does a candidate's private life have any bearing on what he does as a private official?

Ben Stein: Absolutely. If you have a presidential candidate who is having a different
girlfriend every week or sometimes a couple of times a week for 12 or 14 years,
you have a person whose mental health is at issue....

Braden: Do you think [asking candidates if they've ever committed adultery] is a good idea?

Stein: I think that the press and the service it performed last week, in telling us about
Gary Hart, that was one of the highest moments of the press' utility.

Braden: How far would you have the press go? Would you say that a candidate should
ever be asked if he's ever had a homosexual experience?

Stein: Absolutely, as far as I'm concerned. Absolutely, absolutely, absolutely.

CNN Crossfire on Dan Quayle and the Media (8/19/88)

Tom Braden: Mr. Stein, as a media critic, do you think the media was fair in going after
Senator Quayle on the subject of Paula Parkinson?

Ben Stein: Absolutely not. I think that if they started going after all the presidential candidates
on the subject of their sex lives, they could really talk about very little else. I think it's just
a very dangerous subject for the Democrats to open, or for anyone to open,
and it's a complete irrelevancy as well.

A typical Ben Stein column in the American Spectator

Click  Here

From: (withheld)

Subject:  The big mouth.

There are stories of Rush not being able to sire a child.
Did you hear about him being the communication boy for the Royals in the 80s?
He used to hang around the shower area and this made some of the guys uncomfortable.
He talks about George Brett all the time he especially liked to watch him
get dressed and talk to him after the games.    Then he got fired.
I guess they got tired of his starring at them in the lockers.

Then the 2 marriages which ended one of the ex's said he couldn't keep it up.
The other was bought off by his father.

Then he meets Marta who was married when they started playing on the computer.
They marry and Rush wants to father a child.    Can't get the job done.
So he goes to the fertility clinic they ask for a sperm sample.
They offer a Playboy, but he instead gets the Sports Illustrated with John Elway on the cover.

Why doesn't he just have Larry King stop by Florida for the week end?

 ha ha

 Guilty Smirk

 Click  Here

From:   j_gmonaghan@prodigy.net

Subject:  Web Counter

How is it that every time i go from one subject to another on your site,
it is counted as another hit, on the site. Neat count you Commie Coc- suck--

I bet you will teach the new generation the

John J. Monaghan, Jr.

 This Just In...

 from Smokin' Joe Conason

 Click  Here

 From:  PiccoloGT15@aol.com

 Subject:  Did you ever think...


 If no one has died in the military while Clinton has been in charge,
 doesn't that mean that Shrub has overseen more American deaths than Clinton?


 Piccolo, good point.
 The number of people that Smirk has executed is more than 130.
 The number that Clinton has sent into combat who didn't come home is zero.
 I was educated by Catholics, but isn't 130 greater than zero?

 I predict no other president this century will have zero military deaths.

 Rush accused Israel's Prime Minister Barak of selling out for a mere $40 million.

 Isn't that cheap?

 I'll bet there are at least five wholesale diamond merchants in Israel
 that have $40,000,000 worth of diamonds in there vaults right now.

 ...and Rush says Barak will sell out Israel's security for that?

 Either that's true, or the vulgar Pigboy is lying...

 Houston's air quality today is rated UNHEALTHY.

   I'm not sure who wrote this, but it's good:

   Drunken Psychopath

  To give a few aggravating examples from the current year..

  Traficant voted for the Republican FY 2001 federal budget.

  He supported the abolition of the estate tax, which will primarily
  help millionaires who should be taxed more rather than less

  He is a solid vote for the NRA..

  He voted for a big $$$$$$$$$ corporate welfare for the oil industry..
  He opposed clean air standards, clean water standards, and supported
      unrestricted timber clear cutting in America's national forests.

  He has moved to a "pro-life" position on abortion rights policy.

  He supported the minimal GOP prescription drug program.

  He aggressively supports bigger tax cuts for corporate business..

  The House Republican leadership loves Traficant, and Traficant would
     be right at home in the House Republican cloakroom!

 Question for the Ohio Democratic Party:
 Why are you letting this man vote against you?

From: randy@e-jam.net

Subject:  Uh - I'm confused

Drudge report headline was "Camp David Breakdown,"
then links to this news article:


The above article says that the summit ends in failure.

Then I go to CNN and USA Today and they both say that the
summit is continuing in Clintons absense, being mediated by Albright.

They wanted so bad to pull that 'failure' trigger,
that they jumped on it maybe a tad too quick : )

I know the chances of a successful resolution are very slim, but
at least Clinton had the balls to take it on, and at least try.

Isn't it Rush that is always harping on how people should give
110% in their job, and if they fail, that it's just a learning
experience, and they should go on trying until they succeed?

But as always, when it comes to Clinton, hate transcends any reason or logic.

 Randy, good point.
 USA Today had the same blaring headline:
 T A L K S  F A I L!
USA Today will pretend their early deadline caused that, but could've said,
"Progress Elusive" or something less flammable, but they are whores.
Whores exist to make money - that's their function.

Drudge is just a lousy shit with Clinton-hating contacts.
David Brock explained it all in his article, below.

 Great Pigboy Quotes

 "I'd like to get off the Hillary "fucking Jew bastard" story, but I just can't."

 We know, Rush, and we appreciate it.
 Reminder: Since Rush has been the voice of the GOP, we've held the White House.
 That crude, Nazi hate sends people running to the Democrats.

 This will continue, I guarantee it.

 From: dave@landru.dac.uga.edu

 Subject:  Comedy

 You had a sizable section of your page devoted to comedy today, and I
 wanted to recommend to you one of the funniest and most creative things
 I've ever seen by a comedian.  Dana Gould did a thing, I guess you'd call
 it a short film, speculating on what it would have been like if JFK and
 Jim Morrison had been the same person.

 Gould plays the Kennedy/Morrison character as a conglomerate of the two,
 so he's this guy in an expensive suit, swaggering around distractedly,
 reciting strings of non sequiturs disguised as poetry in a New England accent,
 and interacting with other politicians as Morrison might have.

 Funny stuff.

 If you have a video store that specializes in foreign, arty,
 and hard to find stuff, they probably have it.  It's well worth the search.


 Confessions of a Former Gutter Whore  by David Brock.
  Yes, that David Brock.

 Click  Here

This is really good.

From: jbhigdon@townsend.com

Subject:   Slate


Man, you were right about Slate.
They've got a article about Al Gore's position on Victim's Rights,
 and the link is titled "Al Gore's Victims."

They also feature a commentary saying that it must be true about Hillary's racial slur.
Their reasoning?  Since she initially said that she did not recall the incident,
and then Bill made a statement saying that he recalled it and the slur wasn't made,
so she must have been lying when she said she didn't remember.
If she lied about whether or not she remembered the argument,
she must be lying about the slur.

I'm not sure I understand the leap that says if Bill remembered,
Hillary had to remember it too.  Oh, I see...
We're on to a whole new conspiracy theory here!

My, God!  That must be it!
Hillary and Bill are the SAME person!

After all, have you ever seen the two of them to-....
Oh, wait a minute...  I have seen the two of them together.

Never mind.

Jim H.

 From: (withheld)

 Subject: Prayer at the Convention

 During the GOP Convention in 1996, Rush, Paul Harvey, and other brain-damaged
 individuals were aghast that the networks were cutting away from floor coverage of
 the proceedings before the final benediction each night.  ABC, NBC, and CBS would
 cut to Jennings, Brokaw, etc. for analysis instead of showing America that Republicans
 can still recite their prayers after drinking all that liquor.

 "NBC thinks Tom Brokaw is more important than God." fumed Rush.

 I heard it all day long on hate radio on the Tuesday after the first day of the convention.

 So on Tuesday night of the convention, I cut over Pat Robertson's Family Channel,
 which also had wall-to-wall convention coverage, so I could watch the Republicans pray.
 But they didn't show the benediction; the Family Channel cut right out of convention
 coverage to something more important than God -- THE THREE STOOGES.

 I never heard Rush accuse Pat Robertson of thinking that Larry, Curly, and Moe
 are more important than the Holy Trinity, so I'm assuming he said it while I was at work.

 Good one!
 That reminds me of Pat Robertson's whining that nobody would watch his stupid
 channel because they were all so prejudiced against religious programming.

 But when he put the Three Stooges on, ratings went up 40 %.
 Only one thing gets higher ratings than the Three Stooges - lesbians.

 From: jsw1@hotmail.com

 Subject:   Ponzi schemes


 Had a thought.
 Republicans hate Social Security so much, referring to it as a Ponzi scheme.
 However, they're such big supporters of an ever BIGGER and  more obvious Ponzi scheme

 ....AMWAY products.

 Jeff Williams

 Why I Left the GOP
  by Sue Giffrow

 Click  Here

Hire BartCop  Only days left

 From: marc@ctyme.com

  A Solution for Jerusalem

 One of the biggest barriers to peace in the middle east is the issue
 of who gets Jerusalem. Jerusalem is the holy city to Jews, Muslims
 and Christians and other religions, all of which would like to have
 control over it. Muslims can't allow Jews to control their holy city,
 and Jews can't allow Muslims to control their holy city.
 Splitting the city doesn't satisfy either side.
 So what do you do?

 I would like to propose a unique alternative.
 I suggest making Jerusalem its own sovereign nation not controlled by any
 one religion or one nation, but run by an organization of leaders from several
 religions for the sole purpose of keeping Jerusalem open, accessible, and safe
 for everyone to come and worship in the manner they choose. By becoming
 a sovereign nation, Jerusalem would be neutral territory, the property
 of both no one and everyone. The leaders who run it will be chosen
 for the sole purpose of keeping it universally open and safe for everybody.

 I think this is the only real solution. Neither side is going to give
 their holiest city to someone else. If there's going to be peace then
 they are going to have to share. I think the best way to share is
 if Jerusalem is owned by no one, yet accessible to all. I have not
 yet heard anyone suggest the idea of an independent state of Jerusalem
 so I offer it as a logical solution. I suggest that peace in Jerusalem
 would honor God more than fighting a battle that can never be won.

 Marc Perkel

 http://www.perkel.com -- index to my web site
 http://www.churchofreality.org -- Church of Reality

 From: sniper@cei.net


 Hey BC,
 Saw an ad for ol' George last night.
 He was talkin 'bout what he would do for edukation.
 How we have sooo many problems in our schools.

 Guess what, not a single white kid in that commercial;.
 They were all black and brown.

 So, does that mean white kids got no problems?
 Or that all the problem kids are black and brown??

 Sonny Scott

 The 2000 Emmy Awards

 Click  Here

 From:  efestag@mail.alac.org
 To:  rush@eibnet.com

 Subject: Ronald Reagan had good intentions


 He tripled our national debt in 8 years....
 But his intentions were good.

 He got 217 Marines killed in Beirut....
 But his intentions were good.

 His economic policies brought on the 1987 stock market crash....
 But his intentions were good.

 He defied the World Court over the issue of mining Nicaraguan harbors....
 But his intentions were good.

 He issued a slap in the face to World War II servicemen by honoring SS dead at Bitburg....
 But his intentions were good.

 He sold weapons to Iranian terrorists....
 But his intentions were good.

 He encouraged the kind of contempt for government that resulted in the Oklahoma City bombing....
 But his intentions were good.

 His first act in office was to remove the solar collectors from the roof of  the White House....
 But his intentions were good.

 He kept having his people indicted out from under him, at least 138 running afoul of the law....
 But his intentions were good.

 He kept pushing nuclear power after Three Mile Island happened under Carter....
 But his intentions were good.

 He believed in the Second Coming and considered expediting it, by nuclear means if necessary....
 But his intentions were good.

 He supported the murderous Contras by making an end run around democratic channels....
 But his intentions were good.

 He thought trees caused more air pollution than human activities....
 But his intentions were good.

 He forgot about his support for abortion as Gov. of California in order to satisfy the Religious Right....
 But his intentions were good.

 You'd probably like to see him cloned so we can have more of him.

 Eckhard Festag

 Every day now,
 after the others have left,
 Smirk has some black kids brought in so
 Filmboy can verify Smirk's compassion for minorities.

 Remember in 1996, the GOP hired their own network?

 Amway Products gave Snoop gazzilions of dollars to buy hours and hours
 of network time (USA Network, was it?) so their precious message wouldn't
 be soiled by the liberal opinions of those "Clinton lap dogs" of the media?
 I guess this year they have the Fox shills to cheer for them.

 Remember in '96, Snoot hired focus groups to watch the GOP coverage,
 and their own focus groups kept asking Snoot, "Why all the hate?"

 ha ha

 Do you think they've learned anything since 1996?

 Not on your life.

 More Ben Stein

 Also, and this is going to be in my column in The Spectator but I'll let you in on it,
 Bill Clinton is a murderer. I think he murdered those people in Iraq to divert attention
 from his political problems. I don't think that all those people in Iraq needed to die.
 At least, certainly not when they did.

 He just killed them to distract people from the impeachment, and that's murder.
 If he'd really meant to go in there and take out Saddam Hussein and create a safer
 Middle East, a peaceful Middle East, that's one thing.
 But it was all just cosmetics to show off his toughness.

 Oh, go fuck yourself.
 Reagan invaded the Island of Grenada, and it wasn't to save the nutmeg crop.
 Reagan risked those lives to cover his Beruit massacre where 220 men died.
 You're so quick to ignore OUR dead, but when an Iraqi soldier bites it,
 you start screaming "murderer" at the guy you can beat in the voting booth?

 You've got a really selective way of picking your murderers, asshole.
 If you were a pacifist decrying all the innocent dead you'd have half-a-point.
 But you don't mind dead innocents when Reagan gave the orders.
 That proves you're just a little partisan shitboy.

 Everyone says, "Oh, it's Wag The Dog."
 It isn't Wag The Dog, because nobody got killed in Wag The Dog.
 In this sad story, a lot of people got killed.
 Those Iraqi soldiers who were there, they don't necessarily deserve to die just
 because they're wearing an Iraqi uniform. They're not wearing it voluntarily.

 This asshole didn't mind when Smirk Daddy's bungling put 550,000 men in the desert.
 He didn't mind Butch raining missles down on Baghdad to cover up that blunder.
 He didn't mind the hundreds of Iraqi civilian casualties in that military action.
 He didn't mind Reagan's F-111's killing Khadafy's daughter - no, those don't count,
 because they've got nothing to do with Clinton's cock.

 Bush killed thousands of civilians, and this prick is crying for Iraqi soldiers because
 "they don't deserve to die just because they're wearing an Iraqi uniform?"

 Jesus Christ, the shit Clinton would've gotten if he secretly armed a terrorist country
 and had to pardon his friends to escape clean - then holes like this would squeeeeeeel.

 But the Reagan-Butch felonies?
 We don't look at them - nooooooooooooooooooo.
 They get a  free pass  from crooked bastards like this Stein fellow.

 When we want to "save the children," we check Clinton's parking meter, and if a
 Scaife employee thinks they may've seen a flag, this ditto-monkey congress calls for
 hearings, puts them on television, and the press whores go along for the silly ride
 because it beats working.


 Have you noticed how terrible Leno's monologs have been lately?

 Koresh, the tourist-audience isn't even laughing.
 Poor Jay, semi-losing his composure, too.

 A joke will bomb, he'll rush the next one - it bombs, so he forces
 some chatter with Kevin, which sometimes works, but did you catch
 the "pissed off" rut he got into Tuesday and attributed to Kevin's dad?
 There was a nervous hush in the air that wasn't funny.

 Plus, again and again, over and over, Jay's doing these potty jokes,
 and fart jokes and in the LA water example, drink-urine jokes one after another.
 Remember?   He did ten drink-urine jokes in just three shows.

 Poor Jay.
 Whatever he's lost, I hope he gets it back.

 Letterman has been pretty good lately, but seems like
 he's always got the week off, while Jay is cranking out new shows.

 Jon Stewart continues to impress every night.
 He never flubs a line, which is almost impossible to do, and his interviews are the best!
 He actually listens to the guest, and they'll sometimes even have a conversation instead
 of running down the list of questions. he's so damn quick, too.
 And maybe I'm crazy, but the quests seem smarter on The Daily Show.

 But the best performance I think I've ever seen have been the last half-dozen
 Dennis Miller shows.  I'm not saying the jokes themselves were always 10's,
 but there's never been a comedian more at ease in his skin than Miller.

 He mentioned getting hair plugs, and accidentally pulling on them during a recent monolog.
 What other star or comic would mention his new hairplugs like that?
 Especially since Miller is a nice looking man - he's no Carrottop.

 He stands there so naked, so willing to drop all the walls and just talk.
 He's in the moment, then out of it, then commenting on the moment but the
 miracle is how the audience is with his every breath.  I'll bet there are times when
 Dennis starts doing the voices and stuff that it surprise him as much as us.
 I've seen Jimmy Page do the same thing.
 I've seen him stare blankly at the guitar while he's playing as if to say,
 "Damn, that guy's pretty good," like he watching his hands the same way we were.

 Sorry, that was probably deeper than it needed to get, but that blank-factor,
 or the no-walls whatever you call it is such a non-planned thing by definition.
 Chris Rock still wears the crown, and he's faster than hell with a slash,
 but Rock isn't on the same high wire that Miller is.

 Miller's got a great show Friday.
 Michael Imperioli (Christopher Moltisanti on the Sopranos) is on.
 I hope Dennis doesn't ask any questions that make Michael launch!
 I don't know if it's his last show or he has another one or two,
 but Chris Rock premiers in August - just in time!

 Regular Weekly-Daily Stand-UpComic Rankings:
 1. Chris Rock
 2. Dennis Miller
 3. Jon Stewart
 4. Letterman.
 5. Bill Maher
 6. Colin Quinn
 7. Leno
 8. somebody else
 9. somebody else
58 Martin Short

 Of course, this list doesn't include recent giants like Pryor, Sam Kinison,
 the great Bill Hicks, who I just got a mountain of, and Lenny Bruce.
 And it doesn't include Drew Carey and Norm McDonald - sit-com folk.

 You have to put stand-up (or desk) comedy by itself.

 A while back someone said I reminded them of Bill Hicks.
 I took that as a big compliment.
 I have downloaded a mountain of Bill Hicks, and hooo boy!

 I saw Rush's name on a bit, so I grabbed it first and ...hello?
 He does a thing about Rush naked in a tub with various GOP types doing
 bad, bad stuff and it's really too strong to put on display here at the treehouse,
 which is surprising cause pretty much anything goes, right?

 ha ha

 Not this..

 I mean, some of you extra-straight types get on me about my language,
 well, you should hear what Bill Hicks did to the Pigboy.

 Hoo Boy!

 That Bill Hicks - he told it like he saw it.

 Hoo Boy!

 He makes Russell Simmon's Def Jam seem so "G-Rated."

 But wait - would a small snippette offend too much?
 If I could find a piece that technically only has one semi-evil word and ...

 &#@&?(@% - there got it!

 Click  Here for a short, sanitized version.

 ...makes you realize how clean Ol' BartCop is working,

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