Today must be quote day.
Great Democratic Quotes
I don't know how you vote against Head Start.
I don't know how you vote not to free Nelson Mandela from prison.
I don't know how you vote against the Superfund and the Clean Water Act
and the Safe Drinking Water Act."
--VP-elect John Kerry (D-War Hero)
Great Former-Hero Quotes
I think it would be very helpful to Vice
I think that Sen. John Kerry has proved his service to our nation,
and his ability as an accomplished debater and a person who knows the issues.
Therefore I strongly recommend that Vice President Gore not select
Sen. Kerry as his running mate,
-- John McCain, prisoner to big money interests
Great Harpy Quotes
Dick Cheney's a nice guy,
but his conservatism could seriously erode Pat Buchanan's base.
-- Maureen Dowd, in the New York Whore Times
Subject: The big story (not an anti-bc rant)
After reading your comments about the comments
you received on the big
story I though I'd send you a quick note of support. I thought it was a very
interesting piece, and an interesting theory, though you did leave out the
prospect that Bush did it out of altruism and a desire to save the country
from the prospect of President Quayle replacing his impeached ass.
Smirk Daddy - patriot!
I never thought of that...
The only criticism I'd make is that from
my recollection the lead up to it
made it sound like you had some big story, some big scandal about Dubya
that you were going to reveal. I think a lot of people were expecting
that and so your story may have been a bit of a shock to them and
perhaps they over-reacted.
That must be the case.
Unlike Pigboy, I have a record to which I can be held accountable.
Perhaps some "kind soul" will send me the offending passages.
I've been saying for a year that I think there's proof out there
coke arrest and the reason behind his driver's license number being buried,
and the GWB Junior social security number mystery,
but I don't have access to any of it.
I remember saying the story I had might rock the Smirk camp, and
sure should have, but hiding arms to terrorists just isn't ink-worthy, I suppose.
If it's not Clinton's cock, it's not news.
Christ, from the reaction I got, you'd think I tried to
cut off my ex-wife's head and murdered her boyfriend, too.
I'd expect my friends to turn on me if I did that...
Thanks for the note...
It's not Halloween,
but this is plenty scary...
Trafican't May Attend GOP Convention
If His Crooked Ass Is Not In Jail
WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Democratic Traitor James A. Traficant, (R-Scumbag)
is considering accepting an invitation to attend, and possibly address, the Republican
National Convention next week in Philadelphia, CNN has learned.
"There's a slight chance he'll be going," said Trafican't press secretary,
"He hasn't made up his mind yet.
Trafican't, who supports the re-election of Rep. Dennis Hastert, (R-Delay's
received the invitation from "a leading Republican," Marcone said.
"He might go out of respect for Hastert and the other GOP leaders," Marcone said.
House Republicans, who have been openly courting the recalcitrant Democrat,
recently threw $25 million of your hard-earned taxpayer money to Trafican't to
build a community center in Traficant's hometown of Youngstown.
Marcone said his office has received numerous calls from delegates to
convention asking Traficant to deliver a series of his signature "one-minute" speeches
where he blasts members of the party he's sworn to serve on the House floor.
Trafican't has said he may endorse Smirk for president, Marcone said.
Marcone said he does not think his boss will officially switch parties.
The Ohio Democrats are typically too pussy to dump this clown.
A stumbling block to attending the convention is a possible corruption
that may be handed down against him before Labor Day.
Traficant has repeatedly predicted he will be indicted in an ongoing
investigation in Ohio because he accepts money from organized crime.
An arrest or incarceration "could throw a monkey wrench" into the
possibility he would attend, Marcone noted.
Quote of the Millenium, so far
Cheney told senators he obtained student
and marriage deferments because
"I had other priorities in the '60s than military service.''
Jesus Christ, you think the 58,000 men who died in Vietnam
had "dying for my country for no goddamn reason" on their priority list?
...are we sure Smirk is more stupid than Cheney?
Great Better-Than-You Quotes
"She'll be hard to muzzle."
-- Bill (still smoking) Bennett talking about Lynne Cheney
"Muzzle" is the exact word for her, Bill.
This is the first one you've gotten right in years.
Cheney Faces Draft Questions
CHEYENNE, Wyo. (AP) - Nominated to be secretary
of defense in 1989,
Dick Cheney came under close questioning about how he had managed to avoid
Vietnam. The issue is likely to arise again now that he's Smirk's running mate.
But while Bush, Bill Clinton and Dan Quayle
- vice president under Bush's
father - all have had to answer suggestions that they pulled strings to avoid
the draft, there's not been any such suggestion about Cheney.
Cheney received deferments first
as a student and then as a father in the 1960s,
according to draft records. He attended college and graduate school and his
first child was born in 1966.
"I don't regret the decisions I made,''
Cheney told the senators at his
confirmation hearing. ``I complied fully with all the requirements of the
statutes, registered with the draft when I turned 18. Had I been drafted,
I would have been happy to serve.''
Cheney also told senators he obtained student
and marriage deferments because
"I had other priorities in the '60s than military service.''
Jesus Christ, Dick.
That statement makes Al Gore seem like Audie Murphy by comparison.
Military experience - or the lack of it
- during the Vietnam War has become
an issue as the Vietnam generation has come of age in national politics:
Clinton was accused of ducking the draft, receiving an induction notice at
one point and getting a deferment when he promised to participate in an ROTC
program he never joined. He later withdrew his deferment but drew a lottery
number too high to be drafted.
Smirk joined the Texas Air National Guard,
saying he wanted to be
a pilot like his father. He has denied allegations that his father's friends
were influential in squeezing him into the already-filled guard slot,
which allowed him to do most of his service in Texas.
Al Gore enlisted in the Army and served
in Vietnam as a military journalist.
Several fellow soldiers have said the word was out to make sure he didn't get
any dangerous assignments, but he dismisses that as a ridiculous notion.
Gore's daddy got his son special treatment?
Hey, if Gore had some easy, cushy and safe assignment in Vietnam,
why didn't Quayle and Smirk take easy, cushy and safe assignments there?
They had rich, powerful daddy's, too.
Here's a must-drop-by for you.
July 28, 2000
Dear Letters Editor:
Lawrence Paul Hill's impassioned plea ("Blacks can't go wrong
to his fellow African-Americans and to all voters on behalf of the candidacy
of the Governor of Texas was eloquent and obviously deeply felt.
Unfortunately, it was published in the Plain Dealer's letters
mere scant days after Governor Bush had chosen a radical conservative,
Dick Cheney, as his running mate. Bush's first important decision as a
Presidential candidate puts the lie to everything that Mr. Hill had to say,
exposing the manipulative chicanery of "compassionate conservatism."
Mr.Cheney's ten years as a Congressman from Wyoming provide the
thoughtful voter with indisputable evidence of a tin ear and a cold heart.
While serving in the house, Cheney voted against the funding of
(a program proven to make an enormous difference in the lives of disadvantaged
pre-schoolers, minority or otherwise). Cheney voted
against the Clean Water Act,
against abortion even when the mother's life is threatened;
against the banning of "cop killer" bullets, and was one of only four
who voted against a proposal to ban guns that did not contain enough metal
to be spotted by detectors in airports. If Dick Cheney had had his way, the
skies would have been very friendly indeed--for terrorists.
The man who, in the event of a Bush win, would be a heartbeat
the Presidency doesn't seem to possess a heart to beat, and I'm not referring
to Cheney's dubious health. Congressman Cheney voted against federal aid
to college, and opposed the creation of the Department of Education.
But wait, it gets better. How does Mr. Hill plan to explain Cheney's
applying sanctions on South Africa for its notorious apartheid policy, or his
chilling vote in 1986 against a resolution calling for the release of Nelson Mandela?
If it were up to Mr. Cheney, Africa's and one of history's greatest statesmen
would still be rotting in jail for espousing freedom.
Can Mr. Hill review this shameful, extremist record and say with
a straight face
that the Bush/Cheney ticket "offers new hope for all Americans, especially minorities?"
Wake up. Neither Cheney nor the man who chose him as a potential partner in power
represents the party of Abraham Lincoln. Wasn't it the Great Emancipator who said,
"You can fool all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time,
but you can't fool all of the people all of the time?"
My question for Mr. Hill is: are you fooled by the Republican
or are you seeking to fool us?
Susan C. Lloyd
Great Cheney Harpy Quotes
"For a Type A overachiever, the vice presidency
is the worst kind of career move.
Under the Constitution the only thing the job calls for is waiting: waiting for the president
to die or be impeached; waiting for the Senate to wind up in a tie vote so the vice
president can break it. That's all the vice presidency is about--waiting.
Everything else is make-work."
-- Dick's Harpy
I feel sorry for him.
I wonder - are their kids named "Cheney" or were they forced
take their mother's maiden name the way poor Deherechkye was.
Great Smirk Quotes
"Secretary Cheney brought people together and
helped win a war,
which stands in stark contrast to Vice President Al Gore,
who tends to divide people to create war,''
This one time, Smirk is right.
Gore was responsible for the great war of ...
Damn, I forget.
When was the great Gore war again?
You know, it's unfair to say Cheney is qualified because he led
us in war.
Clinton hasn't bungled foreign policy so badly that a war was needed.
They say Clinton will never be considered a great president because
he didn't lead us thru any great calamities that he caused.
Well, excuuuuuuuuuuuuuse him for doing his job too well.
More Cheney Harpy Quotes
"What really drives me crazy is when
Hillary acts like the happy wife.
Walking hand in hand off the helicopter together at critical moments.
It is just so distressing to me."
Bitch, why is Hillary's marriage any of your fucking business?
We should all vote for Smirk just so we can have 4 years of quotes
from this Dr, Laura wannabe.
Which night will Rick Lazio anchor?
(I'm a bad man.)
Rick Lazio - STAR of the Republican Party
Rick Lazio - highly qualified
Rick Lazio - staunch conservative
Rick Lazio - a real man's man
Rick Lazio - the new GOP
Rick Lazio - too much for Hillary
Rick Lazio - the Juggernaut
Rick Lazio - giant-killer
Which night will Rick Lazio anchor?
From the Mind of BrainSmasher
Dennis Miller just said we were in for eight years of Bush.
I told you he was funny...
Subject: Dan Rather 7/28
I never watch the evening news but...
tonight I almost wet my pants with glee, when to close the evening news
Dan Rather ran a montage of folks like David Letterman, Dennis Miller,
Bill Maher, and Craig Killborne absolutely RIPPING Cheney/Bush to shreds.
Could it be, they aren't complete whores
Or are they just making amends for sucking the rest of the 23 hours,
and 58 minutes each day.
want some fun?
By the way, nice web site.
I like your taste in cartoonists!
I'm really glad you asked that, because I have a theory.
I haven't given this loads of thought, but I'd say a comedian,
if he's honest,
almost can't be a whore. Well, he's whoring for laughs, which is OK,
but that's like a actor becoming something he's not in front of a camera.
If a comic is after a laugh, he can pretty much say anything he
Pigboy would love to be considered a comedian, but he's not.
Comedians don't use God's name and swear, with a straight face,
that they're "only about the truth," which is horseshit nonparallel.
The Pigboy has an agenda which has one facet:
He wants a tax cut.
That's all he wants, because it's tough making it on just $25,000,000 a year.
Pigboy would trade abortion for a tax cut.
He'd trade a strong defense for a tax cut.
He'd trade Marta and her teenagers for a tax cut
He'd trade Reagan's dignity for a chance at a tax cut..
So, he'd do anything to hurt a candidate who stood in his way,
which is why he called Chelsea Clinton "the White House dog."
On the other hand,
Letterman, Miller, Maher and Kilbourne don't want to hurt Smirk.
Like me, they'd rather Smirk be president than Gore.
Gore will bore everyone to death and drive a stake thru bartcop.com
You could almost make the case that Rather is a whore, but he
has a point.
You can't listen to three minutes of topical comedy and not hear Smirk jokes.
But keep a sharp eye out for those whores - they're everywhere.
We're going to see a record number this week.
Subject: The "big" story
Dave, yes, I got pounded by hundreds of angry liberals.
I almost pulled the plug on the web site over it.
I'm as bitter as Newt's first wife...
I don't understand.
Were they mad that you would stoop to the level of the Repubs?
Many were, yes.
I got a ton of mail saying,
"We expect this from Republicans.
We expected more from you.
We thought you were better than that.
Looks like we were wrong."
It was ugly.
But if you noticed, I didn't say anything like,
"This is a FACT that Bush threw the election, and everybody knows it, but they're lying!"
I challenged my readers to explain how Bush could escape
being trapped in the box without using the theory I presented.
Like with OJ.
If you had a theory that I couldn't shoot down,
I'd have to say, "You could be right."
I wouldn't scream insults at you for not having proof in your hand.
That you would make accusations without having definite proof?
Remember, the title was "Did Bush throw the election?"
I only semi-accused him, towards the end, in a closing-argument kind of way
of bringing the reader around to my interpretation of events.
I was accused of saying "This will cause Smirk to resign."
Maybe I said that, maybe I didn't - I don't remember it if I did.
Since I stayed home with pnuemonia and started writing 6-8 hours a day
I haven't had much of a chance to go back and see what made it on the page.
What I DO remember, is saying something like "this story would/could/might
rock the Smirk campaign," but that was mostly sizzle, and any remote chance
of that happening died when I asked AMPOL and Voltai and bushwatch.com
and the other friendly web sites to take the story down.
Since so many of my own readers were telling me to fuck off,
there was no reason to infect the others.
(I forgot to contact my buddy Al at smudgereport.com
He's running it the way I originally hoped it would be run.)
Swear to Koresh, I was erasing hate mail by the fucking page.
I erased the addresses of my attackers so I could never hold a grudge.
(Life is very short, ...and all that.)
Sure, I got some mail that said, "No home run, but interesting..."
...and I think joeb gave it a positive review :)
If I'm ever in trouble, I'm calling joeb!
I'm not sayin' my last name's Corleone, or anything,
but joeb is Luca Brassi, so you doubters better watch your ass!
Out of all of it, I only saved one e-mail.
It was right down the middle, speaking for everyone
Subject: big story?????
For several weeks now I have been visiting
your site and
waiting to hear about this "big story" that would sink GW.
I must tell you I am disappointed.
I was expecting much more from you.
I have enjoyed your site for a while, but you just lost all credibility
with me and frankly, I think you give liberals like me a bad name.
That was right down the middle - not to harsh, not too nice.
Don't forget - I've been taking massive abuse from ditto-monkeys since
before Bill Clinton was elected.
I'm not the Soft-Skinned Boy.
I just never got it from Democrats before.
Usually, when I'm attacked, I fight back hard.
My nature is to answer a fly with a sledgehammer.
But what do I do when liberals tell me to go fuck myself?
Dresden my "base?"
The THEORY, (I thought I'd put in in caps for those of
you in Rio Linda,)
hasn't taken a single hit. The closest was the three letters I got saying,
"Bush could've just pardoned the six and told congress to 'get over it.'"
All that hate mail and nobody addressed the substance of the idea.
Like with someone's OJ theory, if my Bush theory can't be shot down,
I'd like to get a little more back than "Up yours, nigger..."
(Homage to Mel Brooks and Richard Pryor)
So, I ran the white flag up the pole and hoped for a tomorrow.
Now tomorrow is here, and I feel like I've been Linda Tripped.
(shot of Chinaco...)
My first priority is to get over it and try to be funny again.
I have a Nazi-Con to cover in 72 hours.
This Just in...
Turns out Snap, Crackle & Pop are bartcop.com fans.
Snap & Crackle hated the whole BartCop theory,
but Pop bought into it, so Snap and Crackle kicked his ass, hard.
Subject: Bush better than Gore at foreign affairs?
All those runs down for them Mexican cuties
sure sounds like foreign affairs to me!
I hate it when someone else thinks of it first !!
It happens constantly! :)
Begala Shoots the Bull
Paul is off today because he became a father for the fourth time
Patrick Aaron Begala was born in Washington, DC, weighing in at 7 lbs.
Mom Diane, and their three other sons, are all doing wonderfully.
Paul will return to Equal Time on Monday with Ollie the traitor
from the Republican National Convention in Philadelphia.
Cheney was one of the House Bank check-bouncers.
While Cheney wasn't one of the ones with hundreds of bad checks,
K-Drag Congressman Mickey Edwards (R-Before-Istook),
he still had more than just one or two.
I remember Rush whaling about those "crimes."
Since there were more Democrats in office then, and everyone was doing it,
there were more Democrats caught, but yes, Cheney was a bouncer.
I saw Lynne Cheney on TV last night. I bet we never see her and
at the same place at the same time. She was talking about a national test so the
government can tell how children are doing in school compared to all other children.
Sounds like a great idea when a Repub. says it.
Sounds like evil big government when Clinton is for it.
She also said that Gore is the old guard.
No punchline needed for this joke.
The idiot press didn't call her on this absurdity coming from a Cheney.
Either the reporter is a GOP whoredog or was just stupefied into silence.
About "teaching homosexuality" in schools, as Cheney l put it.
I am a public school teacher. What I teach children is that even though they
disagree with someone's life style, the should not tie them to a fence and
beat them to death.
By the way I am Jewish. Does that mean I get to sacrifice lambs
class when prayer in public school gets mandated?
Rush was talking today about getting "vetted."
What does that mean?
Is that what they call it when the veterinarian
has to remove the hamster from Rush's ass?
You are a bonehead.
Subject: Bush & the Veep
I've been reading a lot of the stuff out
there reacting to W's selection of
Dicky C as a running mate, and quite frankly, I'm mystified. The general
consensus is that this is a horrible choice. Dick brings no swing voters, has
a staunchly right of right-wing voting record, and looks to be a moment away
from keeling over once and for all. Cheney brings next to nothing to the
campaign. So why, with so many better choices available, would he pick Dick?
After contemplation, I can see only three
1) W is a complete dolt. I mean COMPLETE.
2) Poppy told him to, though why he'd want to see such a giant blunder,
one that almost certainly dooms his boy to failure, is beyond me.
3) W knows he's going to loose, and did this to appease the Old Guard of the GOP.
None of them seem like good answers, but it's the best I could do.
I'll be goddamned if I mention any more theories as to why the
inexplicably hand over the nomination to a fluffed up bag of cotton candy.
That poll that shows Smirk ahead by 11 points?
If you read the whole story, 25 percent of the people
say they could change their minds.
Did you also see the part where they rate Smirk as
significantly better than Gore at handling foreign affairs?
Smirk better at handling foreign affairs?
I'll be the Grecians think differently.
Timothy E. Rawson
You think you're angry now,
wait until November 7th.
I didn't realize they meant this Monday,
but Dennis Miller's debut on MNF is just days away,
and it'll be during the opening night of Smirk-O-Rama
...on Leno last night, Miller said,
"When you hear me say, 'Golly,' I really mean 'fuck!'"
Report Clears White House in "Filegate"
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The White House obtained FBI files on Republicans
by mistake, not to collect dirt on political opponents, Robert ray's reports says.
A low-level aide, Anthony Marceca, requested the background reports
erroneous belief that they still were employed at the White House and needed access.
Marceca, who worked for the White House Office of Personnel Security,
gathered about 900 FBI files of Republicans and others in late 1993 and early 1994.
Marceca's boss, White House security director Craig Livingstone, resigned under fire.
Ray and his predecessor, Kenneth Starr, investigated the FBI files matter,
along with other "scandals" including Whitewater and Monica Lewinsky.
The report was made public by a panel of three federal appellate judges
more than four
goddamn fucking months after Ray submitted it. The report concluded there was no
evidence that Hillary or any senior White House official was involved.
Great Smirk Quotes
A New York Whore Times reporter asked Smirk about his expectations for the future:
"The truth of the matter is, I don't know what I'm going to
and it doesn't bother me. I do know I'm going to be the president,
at least I think I am.
We're about to find out in about four months.
But I don't know what's after that. I truly don't."
Rush is delighted that The Rock will introduce Dick Cheney at
(BTW: did you hear Rush dance around the subject of whether wrestling is real?
He would lose A LOT of ditto-monkeys if he broke their little hearts with the news
that wrestling is no more authentic than the GOP convention.)
Rush is still itching to make a speech at the convention,
and he thinks that an appearance by The Rock may help him.
Here's Rush's stroke-inspired, convoluted strategy:
PIGBOY'S STRATEGY TO GET
ON STAGE IN PHILLY:
1. The boring and mature Cheney helps to counter the wild teenager Bush.
2. Then the flamboyant and exciting Rock will help to counter the boring and mature Cheney.
Why stop there?
3. Then they get the brilliant and insightful Stephen Hawking
the flamboyant and exciting Rock.
4. Who would be a good foil to the brilliant and insightful Stephen Hawking?
The vivacious and giddy Charo!
5. Who could offer balance to the vivacious and giddy Charo? Bill Bennett!
6. Then who could offer balance to Bill Bennett? A decent, honest human being!
7. Then who could offer balance to a decent, honest human being?
Twenty-six years ago, Dick Cheney was running the White House
for our only un-elected president, the man who pardoned Dick Nixon.
Twenty-six years ago, Smirk was snorting Kinison-sized lines of
while explaining to the Mexican hookers why he couldn't hang around
long enough to help raise the lil' bastards he fathered.
(Uh-Oh, I used the word "pardon" in that last piece.
I hope I have everyone's permission to do that.
I sure don't want to set off another web-wide fucking panic.)
NBC Meet The Whore
The topic for this Sunday's edition of "Meet the Whore with Tim
Russert" will be
Decision 2000: The Chaney Candidacy and The Republican National Convention.
Republican Vice Presidential candidate Dick Chaney will
appear in the first
segment to discuss Decision 2000: The Chaney Candidacy.
Bill Bennett, James Carville, David Broder and Joe Klein
Decision 2000: The Republican National Convention.
Subject: Your Rush Web Site
I recently came across your Rush web site and wanted to compliment
you on a
great job. Itís dedicated fans like you that have made the Internet a great
place for us to come together and show our support for the one of the most
incredible musical artistís of all times. I would like to invite you to be a
part of an exciting web site that Iím working on myself and let you know how
you can make some extra money for yourself!
Weíve chosen your site to be a part of this very special Rush
program, Iím sure youíll be as interested as I am in the possibilities...
My company, Worlds.com, is building a really cool Album Art web
Rush fans can find incredible, hand signed limited edition lithographs from
"2112" and "Power Windows". Not only does the site offer Rush lithographs,
but youíll also find a variety of masterpieces from other music icons created
from the most influential records of our time.
Subject: Spell much?
I saw this sign on a C-SPAN feature
about sign painting for GOP convention
...in the background of one of the interviews a sign clearly says:
"Leave No CHID Left Behind"
Unless it's a spelling bee, I guess.
How much of the above leaks through GOP quality control?
There's a new movie coming out called "Coyote Ugly."
You women won't be interested in this, but the men will like it.
A Flush Rush Flashback
Are the Flush Rush guys still around?
Shirley, they're still on the Internet as civilians...
The best source in Internet News, email@example.com
sent me a half-ton of the original Flush Rush Quarterly.
There is some good stuff in each Flush Rush
Like to hear it?
Here it go:
Rush Pleads for Clear Thinking
This is Rush, word-for-word, explaining Reagan's 1982 tax increase
"And on Meet the Press yesterday, ...see,
...you can't have it both ways.
You cannot have Ronald Reagan as raising taxes more than anyone
in history, and at the same time cutting taxes so much that that that
the deficit and all these economic corrections we have to make, ...uh,
take place, ...uh, or the economics mistakes causing corrections took place.
I'm just trying to prevent a rewrite
of history, ...uh, ...as, ...as, ...as to
passing judgment on the '82 tax increase.
Look, let's behonest.
It was a Bob Dole-led deal.
Jim, thanks for the call.
I'm glad I cleared that up."
Wednesday, Jay Leno
on Smirk n' Dick
This is a 1070 K download - it's several jokes.
I haven't been to the "Boot Newt" page in a while, and that's not right.
Bill's got tons and tons of stuff over there, you
should check him out.
He also has a cornucopia of humor links and liberal links.
You could spend the whole day there.
One last thing:
He's got a poll going on, too.
Unlike most polls, it just takes a second to vote & view the results.
Thursday, David Letterman pounded on Smirk n Dick.
This is a quicker download at 705 K.
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