Vol 231 - Even Chimps Can Learn

 July 27, 2000

 Did you know Dick Cheney made $26,000,000 last year?

 And now he's trying to get a job that pays less than one percent of that?
 And he's in a party that says "Less government is best."

 I'll bet you can't explain that to my satisfaction...

 I get the Equal Time newsletter, which has the Paul Begala quotes.
 (By the way, he's always on vacation - wish I had a job where I could
  take every other week off.)

 But along with the good comes the bad - Ollie North's quotes.
 That idiot is counting down how many days are left in
 "the most ethical administration ever."

 Hey Ollie, I have a thunderbolt for you.

 You have more felony convictions than both Clinton Administrations combined!

 So why are you being such a dick?

 That Matt Drudge does good work.

 Right now, he's got a story up about a Sizzler in Milwaukee
 that was closed due to an outbreak of E-Coli.

 That Matt Drudge does good work.

 Spooky Story

 Click  Here


 Cheney voted to keep cop-killer bullets legal!

 Even Smirk's not that crazy, right?

 From: Santa  radiofreenorthpole@hotmail.com

 Subject: interestin' facts

 1) March 17, 1989  Dick Cheney is confirmed for Secretary of  Defense.
 Among those voting in favor.....Bradley, Gore, Harkin, Kerry, Kennedy, and Daschle.

 Do you think Gore will announce his VP chice soon?

 I think Gore's going to announce his VP chice Thursday afternoon,
 so Smirk's speech won't get as much media coverage.

 Do you think Smirk will call for lower terriers & bariffs?

 Have you noticed whenever Dick Cheney talks, he drops names
 even if they don't have anythong to do with the subject?

 If you ask him about the weather, he'll say, "Boy, I was caught in a
 storm in Pakistan with Mohammad Rafiq Tarar last year."

 If you ask him a baseball question, he'll say,
 "I remember when Giuliano Amato, the premier of Italy went to
  a baseball game with Dubya and me..."

 I realize he's trying to impress us, but I'm more concerned that
 Smirk doesn't know which continent Italy is on.

 From: david3601@email.msn.com

 Subject: rip-off

 Today I heard Rush going on about Napster stealing "intellectual property"
 from the record companies.

 Was he as upset when his Daddy stole his "Founding Fathers" speech from Paul Harvey???
 Yours in Koresh,



 Paul Harvey stole it, too.

 See? It's funnier when you see the cartoon.
 Thanks to BrainSmasher for finding that.

 Great Pigboy Quotes

 "I'm not going to have a website unless I can make money from it."

 Well, now he has found a way.
 Starting in August, Capt. Oink is hosting a whore news service.
 He claims he'll be sourcing his stories, too.

 It's not clear how he'll make money from this, but I think
 it's safe to assume there'll be Damp Rid ads everywhere.

 The Nazi-con is only days away.

 Are you excited?
 We're going to see women, Hispanics and negroes all week.

 bartcop.com  will be publishing live from Monday-Thursday.
 I bought new batteries for the remote, because we'll be switching
 channels like a ferret on Arabian Mocha Java.

 I'm looking forward to Fox Whore News and Newt Gingrich
 giving us the "straight scoop" without the "liberal slant."

 ha ha

Yo, Smirk!
Where's Canada?

 ha ha

  Here's a website for you.

             (click on image)

 Did you know if Willie Horton raped your wife,
 Dick Cheney's America would force her to have that baby?

 Next to Dick, Smirk's position is almost reasonable.

 Great GOP Quotes

 I have absolutely no desire to go back to government, I've done that.
 I am set in my ways at my stage. I'm 59, and I didn't leave anything in Washington.
 I have no plan, intention, desire, under any circumstances to return to government
   --Dick Cheney, NY Whore Times, July 25, 2000

 Rush is whining that Clinton had to "masquerade" as a "new Democrat"
 to trick people into voting for him.


 Smirk labeled himself a "compassionate conservative"
 in order to shed the hate image the GOP has acquired,
 but you won't hear anything like that from the Chupa.

 If Cheney is only 5 years older than Smirk,
 why does he look old enough to be Smirk's dad?

 Have you ever seen more information than what's at bushwatch.com?
 They have a killer story up right now.


 Records show legislators admit that if their plan was unacceptable to the Feds
 after the fact, they would stall until the 2001 session. Meanwhile they would face
 a "potentially hobbling state government with a monumental budget shortfall."

 They were willing to risk all of this to provide Governor Bush with the largest
 tax cut possible to be used as a presidential campaign issue.
 What did Bush know and when did he know it?
        --Politex, 7/27/00

 From: (withheld)


 I was at a party in DC years ago and the host couldn't find a corkscrew.

 No problem - Lynn Cheney was there.
 She opened the wine bottles with her tongue.

 ha ha

 I ran a "Cheney" search on  bartcop.com

 Vol 39, The Cucumber Caper  had this:

 Old Bob Dole is searching for a VP.
 Let's see who he's considering:

 Dick Cheney
 Former Sec of Defense

 Old Dick is in bad health after 3 heart attacks and quadruple heart bypass surgery.
 Between him & Dole, they can't play a game of Rack-O without a doctor.

 Vol 42, The Rest of the Story  had this:

 You know, that Lynn Cheney bitch on Crossfire really gets on my nerves.
 God, she's a non-stop bag of whine!
 No wonder her husband Dick had 3 heart attacks.
 He's trying to get out of hearing range.

 Vol 89, Notorious P.I.G  had this:

 Welcome back to Crossfire - Pat Buchanan.

 Just to show it's not partisan...
 Lock me in a room with Buchanan or Novak for a shift.
 I don't mind. At least they're not whiners.


 If I hear fingernails-on-the-blackboard Lynn Cheney
 or that fuck Sununu one more time, I just may go postal.

 Vol 96, Jurassic Pork  had this:

 The GOP's John Connally was taking bribes from the milk lobby.
 I think he got $10,000 for his dignity.

 And Spiro Agnew, Nixon's crooked, had-to-resign Vice President,
 did the same thing: Sold his cheap-ass soul for $10,000.

 Now, 25 years later, they think Mike Espy was changing
 agriculture policy for a ticket to a fucking Cowboy game?

 Endless hearings...
 about any wacky charge anyone can imagine...
 ..claim ANYTHING

 No proof is needed, nothing.
 Just make a charge, buy a congressman, and watch the circus.

 Just think, someday in the far, far future, the Republicans will
 eventually regain the White House, and the Democrats will prove
 that cold, cold payback is a bigger bitch than Lynn Cheney.

 Vol 116, I'm Afraid of Americans  had this:

 Rush, I'm sorry.

 I admit, you got it right this time,
 ...just this once,
 and BartCop got it all wrong,

 Last December, you said El Nino was just a trick the liberals
 were using to go for another power grab. You said California
 wouldn't get any more rain this year than normal years.

 Matter of fact, you PROMISED it would be dry this year.
 You GUARANTEED that there was no reason to listen to
 Al Gore's Chicken-Little, Sky-is-Falling scare-tactics.
 You put your reputation on the line, once again
 ...and it turns out you were right.
 So far, ...California is as dry as Lynn Cheney.

 So I hereby formally offer my apol...


 ...this just in...

 In northern California, thousands of people were forced to
 evacuate their homes and major roadways were shut by flooding
 as the region reeled from the fourth major storm in a week.

 With driving rain and winds reaching 80 mph, forecasters
 likened this system to a low-grade hurricane as it lashed the coast,
 uprooting trees and causing hillsides to crumble in torrents of mud.

 Highway 101, the main artery between San Francisco and Marin County,
 was hit by floodwaters and destroyed, leaving thousands stranded.

 "We're not out of it yet," said one meteorologist, sounding like
 an extra in "Twister." Pointing to yet another El Nino-driven front
 building off the coast, sky boy said "The next one is due tomorrow,
 and it's at least as strong as the first four."

 Vol 195, Hold On, I'm Coming  had this:

  I see where Smirk has chosen Dick Cheney to find him a VP.

 Dick jumped at the chance to get out of the house.
 You see his wife, former Crossfire harpy Lynn Cheney can
 peel chrome off a bumper with that nagging and screeching.
 The doctors feel certain it was that stress which caused
 all three of Dick's heart attacks.

 So, Dick is looking for a VP for Smirk.

 Smirk says the primary criteria would be to pick somebody
 "who can be president of the Untied States."
 Too bad your Daddy didn't feel the same way, Smirky.

 He says he's not sure if he wants a running mate with Washington experience.

 Good move, Smirk.

 Why would you need anybody with Washington experience?
 For that matter, why get someone who knows foreign policy?
 Why get a running mate with brains?

 Smirk, there's a thing called balance.

 Since you're an ignorant, outsider druggie with no experience,
 why not get another airhead like yourself?

 I'll bet if Cheney looks real hard, he could find another moron
 who thinks Canada's "president" is french toast with cheddar cheese.

Cheney Begs for Higher gas prices?

 Full Story

Halliburton halfway to 11,000 job cuts - Cheney

April 12, 1999 (Reuters) -  Halliburton has completed about half of its announced
11,000 job cuts and expects the remaining reductions to be made shortly,
CEO Dick Cheney said on Monday.

Cheney, said that after a recent tour of the Middle East, he was optimistic that
OPEC would cut world oil supply by a total of 2.1 million barrels per day (bpd).

``I've been struck by the extent OPEC seems to have gotten its act together,'' said Cheney.
``The odds for compliance are better than I would ever have previously thought
...and a certain amount of near-term optimism is justified,'' Cheney added.

However, the impact of the agreement on the oil drilling sector would not be felt
until late this year or early 2000, Cheney cautioned.

 From:  teabow@email.msn.com

 Subject: Repubs on the defensive

 By the sounds of cystbutt's first hour today, these guy's are
 scared shitless that Smirk pulled a boner when he picked Dick.

 That seems to be the universal opinion.
 Rush has been pissed off since Cheney was announced.
 Someone told me Hannity threw a fit Tuesday night.

 Jon Stewart reminded me that a while back, Smirk said his VP
 would be "someone that would make our eyes light up."

 Bill Maher has been doing jokes every night since,
 coming out and saying "Dick Cheney" and standing there,
 waiting for someone in the crowd to react.

 Letterman started a new deal last night. He kept saying the babes
 were just wild about Cheney, so every time he mentions his name,
 the guys in the booth play a tape of girls screaming like it's the
 Beatles on Ed Sullivan.

 There's a great cartoon I've seen in print, but not on the web,
 where Smirk asks his daddy for the keys to his cabinet.

 ...and Cheney's wife is a Koresh-send.
 She's a shrill a harpy as anyone on the planet.

 Here's what Jay Severin said -  Click  Here

 From: Nmmeeks@aol.com

 Subject: Rush claims he's thinking about a TV show

 Near the end of the first hour Limbaugh took a call from some toothless
 redneck in North Carolina who was urging him to get a cable tv show. Rush
 said he was thinking about it and said when discussing confronting liberals
 that he wasn't scared, that he didn't care about what people thought of him
 or how he was recieved.

 Tell it to the producers of the Pat Sajak show i hear he shit his pants when
 he walked on stage and was greeted to boos.


 I didn't see that show either but the way I heard it, so many people were
 booing and hissing him they cleared the audience to finished the show.

 Maybe Rush said something about Bush the people didn't like...

 From: DBalinDave711@aol.com

 Subject: bushleague

 I have read quotes by Bush saying that academic success needs to be measured
 to demonstrate that success. About a year ago, Clinton pushed this idea and
 Rs fumed this as federalism, let the states test and determine academic success.

 So what is Bush talking about?
 He is either going to have a federal bureaucracy interfere with states or is he going
 to do nothing and let states test children for academic success, in which case his talk
 about accountability is just blowing smoke up our ass.

 If it's Clinton's idea, it is communism.
 If it's Bush's idea, it's accountability.

Who am I, and Why am I Here?

From:  Nmmeeks@aol.com

Before Smirk announced Collapsed Artery as his running mate, he suggested
that the announcement would make people take notice of the campaign.

Did he really want people to think "Skin Cancer?  Heart attacks?
High Blood pressure? Just how fucking stupid is Smirk?"

Wasn't Strom Thurmond available?  Jesse Helms?
This is the best ticket since Perot/Stockdale.

If Collapsed Artery dies during the campaign, do you think
Smirk will do the "Weekend at Bernie's" thing?

The only thing Gore could do to match this would be
if he chose Tip O'Neill as a running mate.


From:  clumsden@austin.geoquest.slb.com

Bush-Cheney is Dream Team for U.S. Oil Industry

Click  Here

 Thanks, Chuck

 Subject: blunder

 From:  agsilva@altavista.com

Picking Cheney was a monumental blunder.
Cheney's past voting record is becoming the issue, overshadowing George right now.
Cheney is a far right Wacko and George is stuck with him.

Did you see Hanitty frothing Tuesday night??

George can't dump him, and the Demo's can keep pressing Cheney's right wing
 wacko past to show how incompetent George is.
George is stuck. HA HA HA HA

T from LB

From:  jonl309@yahoo.com

Subject: Oh, I love this

Cheney???? Cheney????
Oh, I'm falling down laughing.  Back to the 70s.

Hey, no Washington insiders in THIS election!!!
How fucking stupid do they think Americans are?

It was hysterical to hear Bill "I'm not a conservative" O'Neill defending
this pathetic choice. "Well, he has experience, he has gravitas, he eats his
Wheaties every morning" while the Dem guy was laughing at him, saying,
"Oh, what a THRILLING choice.
 The guy's only saving grace is that he isn't as dumb as Smirk."

It was priceless. Let's break it down.
The pugs have no viable candidate other than McCain.
Bush HATES the son of a bitch.
He can't afford to do a daddy trick and pick some young punk like Lindsay Graham.
So he does a reverse Quayle...I'll be the young stupid fuck and you be the old party hack.
THERE'S a winning combination.

Ha, ha.

Al should just go on vacation and name a potted plant as his running mate.
The plant will easily wipe that wimp Cheney out in the VP debate.

God, I love our country.
Those pugs are so fucking stupid, they shouldn't be allowed near cleaning
supplies, much less nuclear weapons.

A friend snagged a memo that the pugs new phrase is "don't panic now."
Fine, wait til August, then start screaming "run away, run away!"

Pete Hisey

 Great Onlinejournal.com Quotes

 You could hear a palpable gulp from the GOP when Cheney
 surfaced as the junior Bush's likely choice. The not-so-good
 Rev. Moon's Washington Times even went so far yesterday
 as to issue a plea to Georgie Boy not to do it.

 Wrote Times Editor in Chief Wesley Pruden, "With all due respect,
 an overweight retread from his daddy's administration, an exile from
 an oil-company boardroom with three heart attacks and bypass surgery,
 is not likely to make anyone's eyes light up with excitement.
 Maybe he can keep some eyes from closing in sleep,
 but George W. had better not count on that, either."

 And to think Moon and Daddy Bush are bosom buddies.
     --Bev Conover

 Full  Story

 More bad news, (if there's room for more) this same Pruden fellow who
 runs the Moonie Times says Smirk's Cheney choice is so fucking horrible,
 he was predicting  "a late-summer media ambush of George W."

 The conventional wisdom now is Smirk has hurt himself so badly with this VP pick,
 there will be no need to expose his secret kids, his cocaine mugshots etc.

 Whadda you know,  ...another broken promise by BartCop.

 Black Wednesday, 2000

 From:  HARTMANM@state.mi.us

 Subject: Today's Pigboy

 Rush was prattling about the leftists coming out against Cheney's RECORD,
 for chrissakes. Didn't he once upon a time rail and rail and rail against the
 Democrats for not being "able" to talk about the issues because they have none?

 NOW he wants to rail them for talking about records, "accomplishments", and issues?
 More babyshit consistency.

 Subject:  So, where's the "big" story?

 From:  rae2317@yahoo.com

 Yo BC

 Was up til 4am checking your site for the big story...
 Been refreshing the page every 15 min since 10:00am.
 ....get on with it and post the damn thing!

 And if it's anything less than apocalyptic,
 I'm going to be very disappointed!


 Rob, so far, two people have read the "big" story.
 The first one yawned, the second one liked it.

Subject:  Smirk Priorities

From: jessejesselb@yahoo

I have it from reliable sources that Smirk's web page has a priorities list as follows:

1. saving social security
2. tax relief
3. putting education first.

Jesse Brown

 The Witch Strikes

 Click  Here

  From: pcd02@gnofn.org

 Great Letterman Quotes

  Dave let fly with two more good ones after today's "news" about Dick
  Cheney being handed the job to be Shrub's keeper:

  "I mean, do we really want Dick Cheney?
   He's had more heart attacks than I have."

  "He's just a heartbeat away from being dead."

 Here's a great list of Smirk quotes

 Click  Here

 The Damp Rid salesman just said Smirk fired Sununu from the Bush White House .

 How did he do that?

 He had no authority to fire anybody at the White House.

 Is Rush lying again?

 Stroke Me, Stroke Me

 "The Democrats don't have a clue.
  All their heroes are in the past."

 ...as opposed to our future heroes?

 ha ha

 Smirk and the Oil Slick just called Pigboy's show.

 First, Smirk and Rush talked about how great the Oil Slick was.
 When Cheney got on the line, Rush called it "The Gravitas line."

 But Rush, but Rush...

 Why wasn't it the gravitas line when Smirk was on?

 Great Smirk Quotes

 "I never assume I'm going to win an election."

 ha ha

 From: (withheld)

 Does Dr. Whora have any opinions about a man who raised a deviant
 being a heartbeat away from the presidency?

 You bet she does, but she'll remain silent about it,
 because The Oil Slick has an "R" behind his name.

 Pigboy is REALLY having a bad day today.
 He's been pissed off as hell since Smirk picked the Oil Slick.

 Today, he's angry that everyone's using the word "gravitas"
 to describe what's lacking in the unqualified Smirkster.

 Rush, they're just using that word because the more-descriptive term
 "snot-nosed little shit" isn't allowed on television.

 ha ha

 Rush, you're going to have about 100 more really bad days.

 The Onion shoots, ...and scores!

 Click  Here

 Great Smirk Quotes

 I picked Cheney because governors (?) do two things:

 1. They decide things
 2. They make decisions
     --Pigboy's radio show, second hour

 ha ha

 Thank you, God.


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