Volume 245 - Achilles Last Stand

 August 14, 2000

 7:10

 First person I saw was a black man.
 What the hell are they trying to pull with...

 Oh, that's right.
 This is the Democratic Convention...

 Next up was the lesbian mother of David Crosby's kids singing the National Anthem.
 Yep, this is definitely not the Republican party.

 Whoa!
 I didn't know Woody Guthrie wrote the National Anthem!
 

 7:20

 CNN ran a tobacco ad during the break.
 Phillip Morris has so goddamn much money, they're bragging about spending
 1.5 billion dollars to tell children not to use their product.

 Then they promise "No more cartoon characters."


 

 Ah-ha!

 So you have been targeting kids all these decades that you denied it.
 You lies kill 400,000 people a year, but, since they don't have anything
 to do with Clinton's cock, it's not a crime - so nevermind.
 

 7:26

 Oh, Christ...
 Candy Crowley (R-CNN) is covering this convention.

 Will she be gushing with praise every few seconds?
 Will every speech make her swoon?

 No, this is a Democratic convention.
 Candy's pants will remain dry tonight, that's for sure.
 We won't hear anything but harping criticism from the Big Gulp!

 7:31

 I tuned in Fox Whore News to see if O'Reilly had a hooker on like he did in Philly,
 but he's not even on. Fred (more stupid than Chippy the Chimp) is on, instead.
 

 7:35

 Cool!
 John King (R-Unqualified) on CNN says Clinton will take Smirk to task
 over claiming Clinton  "squandered" his eight years in office.

 ha ha

 Drop your pants, Smirk,    ... 'em panties, too,
 You're about to get a whipping like you've never had.

 7:42

 Oh, Mr Greenfield!!  is saying Hillary will spank Smirk, too,
 accusing him of stealing that "No child left behind," crap from her!

 ha ha

 First a spanking from Hillary, then perhaps a beating from Bill!

 7:45

 Bill (still smoking) Bennett is on MSNBC with Tim the Whore talking about Clinton's Cock!

 Hey, Bill!

 Let go of his cock!

 You've been grabbing at it for eight years.
 Haven't you had your fill?

 Then the next sentence out of lying lying mouth is,
 "Al Gore doesn't make hearts go pitter-patter like Clinton does."

 Does that mean you'll leave Pres Gore's cock alone?

 7:48

 Christie Brinkley on Fox Whores.

 Damn, I wish she was attacking Clinton.
 I have a lot of Christie Brinkley pictures :)

 7:53

 The Big Gulp is trying to mess with Harold Ickes.

 ha ha

 Watch your ass, Big Gulp.
 Harold Ickes doesn't suffer biased tramps well!

 Tom Brokaw says Hillary's limo is pulling into the Staples Cemter!

 ha ha

 Start squirming, Smirk!

 CNN says 8-Wives will have Hillary on tonight!


 8:00

 8-Wives says Clinton will go on at 9:20 CST

 Did you know Bill Bradley will be speaking tomorrow night?
 He'd better deliver, too - none of this McCain "I'm a-scared of the future" bullshit.

 Fox Whores have proof the GOP means what they say about minorities.

 Of course, on the Fox Whore network, it's called "quotas."

 Aw, Jesus...
 The Democrats have 6 trans-gendered delegates.
 Can't we discriminate just this one week?

 8:06

 Harold Ickes is battling the Angie Harmon lookalike Claire Shipman on MSNBC

 When is something going to happen?
 Just like the Demos to stall and stall and then run out of time...

 How's Dennis Miller doing over on ABC?
 Anybody watching the game till the headliners come on?
 I'm taping it, I'll watch it later...

 8:10

 Rage Against the Machine is playing outside their front door.
 Are they anti-Gore?

 CORRECTION

 Hillary, on tape, on on 8-Wives right now.

 Switching back to Fox Whores, they're STILL whining about the "quotas"
 the Demos use to include "those peoiple."

 Hey, Fox and GOP - EAT IT!
 Those people are Americans, too, even if they are black.

 Where else but in the GOP would "including everybody" be a bad idea?
 ...and they wonder why they can't win an election these days.

 A quote from Brit Hume:

 "Quotas, quotas, quotas, quotas, quotas," close quotes.

 Hey, Brit, eat me!

 Reminder!

 Gore's daughters with Jimmy Page tonight on Leno!
 

 8:19

 Tom Brokaw just said Gore often asks his daughters their opinion.
 (Smirk - note to self - ridicule Gore for that!)

 8:22

 Herrendo Revolver is doing a Vegas special right now on CNBC...

 8:24

 Cher is on Larry King, saying she voted for Perot in 1992, but then she sang,
 "If I could turn back time..." saying she wished she voted for Elvis Clinton, instead.
 Wow, she's a quote machine:
 "Look at Smirk, what he says is different from what he does.
  Look what he did to Texas!"
  If you're not rich, white & old, they can't use you.
  If you're poor, black, gay, or anything that doesn't fit into their
  rich white guy club, you've GOT to vote Democrat."
 

 8:31

 Boy, I sure am sober...

 8:32

 Tony Snow, working the floor like a newbie,
 says the Demos are running 20 minutes behind.

 Will they get Clinton on in prime time?
 It'd be just like them to screw this up...

 8:35

 Mara Liason, harp, harp harp,
 bitch, bitch, bitch,
 whine, whine, whine

 Jesus, she's scary...

 8:36

 We must be getting close.
 Diane Feinstein is about the introduce the Jimmy Carter tribute.

 Remember Carter?
 He's the president who did NOT give Stinger missles to Iran.

 8:38

 Hillary back on 8-Wives - looking good!

 8:40

 Jimmy Carter tribute on MSNBC, and Fox.
 CNN is too damn busy running commercials.

 Jimmy carter - the last honest president.
 And what did it get him?
 Ridicule, hatred, scorn, more ridicule...

 He proved honesty and politics don't mix.

 8:45

 Isn't it funny how each network will pull away from the convention to
 run commercials claiming THEY are the channel that brings the most
 and best coverage, instead of simply covering the mother-effer?

 8:47

 Larry (the genius) King is breaking from  Demo-Con 2000 to go to
 Greg Lamotte so he can give us a tour of a Russian sub like the one
 that's having troubles in the Bering Sea.

 Good thinkin' Lar.
 Of course, that's after ANOTHER round of commercials.
 Screw this convention, right Larry?

 8:52

 Carville on MSNBC

 "Clinton re-invented this party - moved them towards the center."

 Tim the Whore's trying to pin him down, but carvill reminded Timmy
 that Gore hasn't been to Bob Jones looking for love.

 Timmy's getting smacked around - are you watching this?

 Jesus, look at this crowd outside!
 I smell a riot!

 8:56

 John Podesta (Chief o Staff) says Clinton is still writing his speech!

 ha ha

 Do it without a script, Mr President.
 Dare Smirk to do a speech without reading it!

 ha ha

 8:57

 Whore Alert!

 Lisa Myers, not Bob Kerry.
 Kerry just apologized for calling Clinton "a good liar"
 "I was angry, it was one moment," he says - now!

 Sorry, Senator, it';s too late for an apology.
 You retired. You're out of the party.
 You could've done the right thing in '95 and been a team player.
 But nooooooooooooooooo.
 Your feeling were hurt, so you laid on the floor and threw a tantrum.


 9 PM

 Oh, please.
 Tom Brokaw wants to know why Jesse Jackson called NY "Hymietown" back in 1936.

 It's old news, Tom.
 Why harp on ancient history tonight?
 Is it the whore factor, Tom?
 Is that why you'd bring that up?

 If you're into the distant past, why not mention Iran-Contra?

 Those were CRIMES Tom, not like an off-the-cuff anti-Jewish remark,
 but then again, I'm such an anti-Semite, what would I know?

 9:04

 Oh. Mr. Greenfield!!!
 Sorry, couldn't resist.

 9:05

 What are the Demos waiting for?
 Prime time is right here, right now!

 No way Clinton will finish by 10PM.
 They still have to do Hillary's speech,
 then a "pro-Clinton demonstration" whatever the hell that means,
 then a Clinton film, then some other time-wasting stuff.

 The Master will come on about midnight.

 9:10

 Mr. Greenfield says Hillary will come on at 9:18

 9:12

 Barbara Boxer, one of (if not the only) Senators on my to-do list.

 She looks good in blue, doesn't she?

 She did good, too.
 Tony the Newbie asked her if people were mad at Clinton for hogging the show,
 and she said, "You press jerks are always whining! If he wasn't here, you shits
 would try to claim he wasn't wanted. We can't win with you dirty slugs."

 ha ha

 Go get 'em, Barbara!
 
 

 What a whore!
 Mara Liasson just said "Al Gore has Clinton Kooties!"
 Swear to Koresh, she said it.

 Hey, Mara!
 Why don't you go blow the exhaust pipe from a bus, OK?

 ha ha

 Fred Barnes just said, "With Smirk, we may not have a roaring economy,
 but we will have honor and dignity restored to the White House."

 ha ha

 They're already laying track for Smirk to fail.
 

 ...and now, a quote from Brit Hume:

 "Buddhist Temple, Buddhist Temple, Buddhist Temple, Buddhist Temple,
  Buddhist Temple, Buddhist Temple, Buddhist Temple, back to you, Tony!"

 Hillary due up any minute...

 The drama is building...

 Toni Snow is reading Hillary's speech ahead of time, the shit...
 

 9:24

 Looking like a hundred million dollars...

 "We are stronger - we are better than we were in 1992"

 Go, Hillary!

 Give us 8 minutes, we'll give you 8 years!

 ha ha

 The most peaceful, prosperous time in our history!

 ha ha

 Hillary is a lot better speaker than she was a year ago.

 ...for the children,

ha ha

Right now, Marta is tying Rush to a chair for his own protection!

ha ha

 Senator Clinton!

 "Leave no child behind?"

 She was nice not to call Smirk a thief!

 Get 'em, Hillary!

 "It takes a village!
  It takes a Democrat!
  It takes Gore & Lieberman!"

 ha ha

 Look - they're doing the wave!

 Minimum wage!
 Equal pay for equal work!

 (Is it too late to go with Clinton/Gore 2000?)

 Smart women have always been very ...stimulating for me.
 I think I'm breaking the 6th and 9th Commandments right now!

 It's up to you, New York New York!

 "Thanks for staying with us thru he good times, ...and the bad times" - excellent moment!


 

 9:44

 Are you ready?

 Elvis is in the building!

 This film is good, he's going to come out cooking.

 Excellent idea, to remind this nation of ingrates that Clinton is
 so highly respected around the world - other nations wonder why
 we've tried so hard to destroy this man who has given us so much.

 Let's remember how we got here...

 ha ha

 Here we go!

 How bad was it, Mr. President?
 Go, Bill!

 What a list!

 The GOP is reeeeeeeeeeal glad he's retiring.
 I ran to change the future!!

 Who passed the tie-breaking vote to ensure America's future?
 

 Remember the bad shit the GOP predicted?

 Time has NOT been kind to their predictions!!!

 ha ha

 Another list!!!
 Ending with the most homes bought in history!

 Hey, this guy's good!
 He should run for something...

 $5,000 annual increase for each poor family under Clinton!

 Want to live like a Republican?
 Vote for a Democrat!!

 ha ha

 Did they really impeach this guy?

 Is there really time to list all the good things that have happened under him?

 Is anyone keeping count?
 Boy, 1992 was a real shit-hole, wasn't it?
 I'm so old, I remember 1992.

 Now he's talking about our brave military men!
 (I guess I'm showing my right-wing tendencies, again.)

 Just the facts, Ma'am!

 ha ha

 Are we better off than we were 8 years ago?

 ha ha
 Make him stop!

 It's not fair what he's doing to the Bush boy.

 The Purpose of Prosperity?
 Notice how politely he's kicking Smirk's ass?

 We built our bridge, and we're not going back!

 ha ha

 Can we hold the election this week?

 ha ha

 Standing "O!" fore the best president of the last fifty years.

 Tribute to Hillary - good move, Bill.
 Hell, you might get a little something tonight :)

 Now, the Gore tribute.
 Hell, you might get a little something from Gore, too.

 Like a pardon!

 No, wait, ...that's right.
 This was the felony-free administration - I forgot!

 No pardon needed for this president.
 He's a Democrat!

 He just said something about "putting purpose above partisanship."
 He had to tell a few lies tonight...

 Boy, it's sad to think this his last big in-power address.

 Look, now he's doing a skit with the crowd.
 Tribute to Joel!
 Tribute to blacks, tribute to the poor.

 ...go back to those Smirk-kicking lists, Bill.

"Turn this boat around..."

 (11:30 EST)

 If he says, "In closing...."  I'll just die.

 Whoa!

 Tribute to MLK and JFK - emotional stuff.
 His voice is shaking, and my bullshit-meter isn't barking.
 The promise of 1964, we have another chance.

 My hair is grey, my wrinkles are deeper...

 Please don't go, Shane...
 

 Remember -
 whatever you think about me,
 don't stop thinking about tomorrow.


 10:41

 NBC is reporting "major rioting" in LA,
 but the other channels don't know anything about it.

 What do you know, Mara Liasson said the speech sucked.
 "He didn't help Al Gore tonight."

 Michael Barone said, "He was trying to pretend he & Gore
 are still the young guys from 1992."

 Did they rip Smirk's say-nothing speech this way?
 Clinton showed Smirk what he could do with the word, "squander."

 Rush and Fox and the GOP will tell you they'd looooove to run against Clinton,
 but right now every smaret Republican is doing shots of Chinaco now that the
 Clinton Monster has been felled by father time, not by anything they did.

 I must be the only "pundit" in America that thought he did good.
 Hillary had her best night ever in front of a camera, too.
 They won't be admitting that, either.
 

 10:48

 Harold Ickes - there's some feedback!

 Harold said he got a tear in his eye, remembering 8 years ago,
 sitting in some hotel room somewhere with candidate Clinton,
 and how goddamn far the country has come under his friend, Bill.

 A shot of Chinaco for this great president!

 I think I'm having a stroke...
 Chris the Screamer just praised Bill Clinton!

 He said the speech was easy to give because it was the truth!
 He said, "Nobaody can argue with the facts, we' ARE better off after Clinton."

 When the fuck did Chris the Screamer start telling the truth?

 Bill (always the whore) Bennett said he was "looking for something to praise."
 Hey, asshole - what about the damn truth?
 Don't you have ANY inclination to tell the truth?


 10:57

 Best Quote of the Night

 "Tonight, Bill Clinton had his fastball!"
   -- Peggy Noonan, Reagan/Bush speechwriter, who hates his guts.


 11:01

 All these talking heads an nobody can think of a parable or an angle.
 How about Bill Clinton is Joe Montana, and Al Gore is Steve Young.

 We love Joe Montana, but now that his time is over,
 we know Steve will be carrying us to many, many victories in the futute.
 

 ...it ain't hard, if you try.
 

 11:04

 What did "fair & honest" Sean Hannity think about the speech?

 Monica Lewinsky, Monica Lewinsky, Monica Lewinsky, Monica Lewinsky, Monica Lewinsky,
 Monica Lewinsky, Monica Lewinsky, Monica Lewinsky, Monica Lewinsky, Monica Lewinsky,
 Monica Lewinsky, Monica Lewinsky, Monica Lewinsky, Monica Lewinsky, Monica Lewinsky,
 Monica Lewinsky, Monica Lewinsky, Monica Lewinsky, Monica Lewinsky, Monica Lewinsky,
 Monica Lewinsky, Monica Lewinsky, Monica Lewinsky, Monica Lewinsky, Monica Lewinsky,

  ...that's a fair and honest quote

 He's screaming at Mr. Polite, Lanny Davis, who refuses to fight back.
 Lanny's so afraid he might hurt Sean's feelings.

 Hey, Lanny, who taught you to box?
 Martha Stewart?

 Fox always books guests who can't fight back.
 Remember what happened last time Joe Conason was on....

 Can't have that for their budding star, Sean Hannity!
 Gotta hire a cotton ball for Sean to scream at.

 What a disgrace...

 11:30

 I'd better run now.
 I already missed Jon Stewart, have to catch the repeat tomorrow at 6 CST.
 Leno's on, he has some guests you might've heard of...
 First, there's Jon Stewart, one of the consistently funniest guys ever.
 Who else has his batting average?

 And then there's the Gore daughters!

 Koresh - we know Hillary and Bill kicked ass tonight.
 You know Caroline will tear the place apart tomorrow night.
 The Gore daughters are gonna introduce their Daddy, I think I heard,
 So tonight, we get a peek at that young Gore girl magic!

 ha ha

 Did you hear Smirk's claim that he wasn't gonna watch?
 Swear to Koresh, Smirk's people said he wouldn't watch.

 ha ha

 Smirk, if I was you, I wouldn't want to see it, either.

 ..and if that's not show enough for ya,
 God is about to play his guitar.

 Let's hope it's a good one.
 

 'nite,

 ...and remember, tomorrow might even be better!


 Reaction is everywhere and consistent.

 From: klass@musician.org

 Subject: Brit the Whore

 Even for Fox News (We Distort - You Deride), this is a new low. They're
 cutting to the demonstrations outside the Staples Center rather than comment
 on the Prez's speech. Of course, the only comments they could make without
 looking like morons would be admissions that "Clinton Fatigue" is bullshit,
 and that Dumbellyu is damn lucky that the Big Guy can't run again.

 Whores.

 Mike


 Subject:  fox news sux

 From: seanog@metconnect.com

 As I write this (11:25PM EST), Fox has split their screen, showing the cops
 breaking up the RATM concert (Hume'll call it a riot, I'm sure) - the only coverage
 like this on any outlet / everyone else is showing only the greatest President of the
 past 50 years.

 Fox News: You Decide.
 I've decided: you suck.

 Did you see Hillary's face when President Clinton mentioned her?
 She GLOWED! What a doll! You're right, she's a MUCH better speaker now,
 I think this was the best speech she's given to date.

 You're right, when President Clinton walked into the hall, my Mrs. and I said
 the same thing - Elvis Is In The Building!  Have you ever been involved in
 discussions like, who do you want in centerfield, Willie Mays or Ken Griffey, Jr?
 Different eras, hard  to decide.

 But, if it was possible, I'd LOVE to have seen The Master rip St. Ronnie a new one.

 Koresh, I'm going to miss this guy.

 P.S. you're right about MM, he's an ass. And you're right about Page, too.
 Won't miss it for anything tonight, perfect topper after hearing Mr. President.
 But I'm not hoping for "In My Time Of Dying," good though that choice is
 - I'm hoping for "How Many More Times."

 Sean

 Sean, thanks for the note.

 Last night's Tonight Show was one of the best I've ever seen.
 I missed the monolog and the "Headlines," but Jon Stewart was on fire!
 I think that's the best he's ever been, and he's always great.

 He didn't just do the safe stuff, either.
 His comedy was biting like he was a black comic.
 He did gay jokes, he did Jew jokes, he was hell!

 Leno usually back-and-forths with a comic at the desk,
 but last night Jay just sat there and laughed along with the crowd.
 Excellent, fresh stuff.
 I can't wait to watch it again.

 I semi-sorta caught the Gore daughters.
 They seemed very at ease in front of the camera.

 But then God came out.
 Hooo-boy!

 The Wanton Song - one of the most powerful in the lineup of great Zeppelin songs.
 I wish somebody who knew guitar would write a piece on how Page plays.

 You COULD say he was all mistakes last night - but he wasn't.
 He totally disregards key signature and time signature.
 He plays "funny."

 I don't know how the rythym section keeps up with him.
 I guess they just play their 8 or 16 and hope Page is there
 when the measure is over, or however you say that.

 I played his incredible solo 6 or 8 times, trying to figure out
 where the hell he's going, and I can't figure it out.
 There's a real good chance he doesn't know either.
 You can tell he starts to go somewhere, then changes his mind - a lot!

 If you know the song, at the end of the solo he does a fade-in power chord
 that is some strangely-tuned mother. Seriously, if someone knows guitar,
 send me the names of the chords he's playing in that song.  He's doing some kind
 of minor chord half-cousin with a suspended seventh and a mortgage on the ninth.

 I've heard guitar players talk about page - he tunes "funny."
 Instead of Every Good Boy Does Fine or whatever, it's a whole new set of tunings,
 which I don't understand how his fingers and brain can do the math that fast.

 I could upload the audio as an MP3, if anybody gives a damn.

 Someday, I should tell the Zeppelin stories.
 But I guess I should get out of the Mexican jail, first.

 ...can't wait to get home and watch the whole show.


 Subject: Great Stuff tonight, BC

 From: rec1150@bellatlantic.net
 

Really enjoyed the commentary. Don't see how you do it.

Bill hasn't left the stage yet and already every channel I've checked
except CBS was right back talking about Clinton's cock again.
Fat Tim,especially.

Jeez, but I hate those bastards!
The media is worse than the republicans.

FTP.

Never Quit!

Ray Coleman


 Subject:  Clinton Speech

 From:  Nmmeeks@aol.com

 Bartcop,

 i just saw Clinton's speech; it was the verbal equivelent of mass murder.
 The man butchered the Republican Party, bitch slapped Butch, and made it look
 easy.  But i honestly think we haven't seen anything yet.  i remember Gore's
 speeches in '92 and '96; and, when i remember that in '92 Quayle wanted to
 use quotes from Earth in the Balance out of context in order to brand Gore an
 extremist during the VP debates, Gore offered to use as his prop at potato, i
 almost feel sorry for Butch.  In fact, they ought to just change the phrase
 from bitch slapped to Butch-slapped.

 The only thing Al has to worry about is if Pickles offers to give him a ride
 somewhere; i hear she's murder in a car.

 $100 Million down the drain.  How much money does this guy have to lose
 before they idiots that give it to him stop?

 john
 chicago



 Drudge, the no-talent eggbeater, has this breathless headline:

 MONICA LEWINSKY LOOK ALIKE SPOOKS HOLLYWOOD ELITE;
 GAINS ACCESS TO TOP PARTIES

 Gee, isn't that an Earth-shaking "breaking story?"
 Imagine, someone in Hollywood is so goddamn stupid
 that they can't tell a Monica imposter when they see one?

 Is there anyone in Hollywood that stupid?

 Wait, I take that back.

 Wearing a beret, the Lewinsky look alike crashed "a top Hollywood party"
 on Monday hosted by DeeDee Myers and Todd Purdum.

 I don't know who Todd Purdum is, but Dee Dee (traitor) Myers is
 so incredibly dumb she should switch to the Republican party.
 I wonder if Dee Dee drove her own drunk ass home after the party?
 I hope she choked a big one last night.
 I wonder - does she still feel the knife in her hand?

 But Drudge can't be that ignorant, can he?.
 He's so afraid somebody might get interested in the Democrats.

 Hey, Matt!
 What's the headline tomorrow?

 CLINTON FATHERS ALIEN BABY?


 From: janett@britannica.com

 Clintonís entrance alone eclipsed the entire pathetic week in Philly.
 Hot damn!

 The cheering is joyful.
 Not like Philly.

 In Philly, you could just sense the citizens of Rome at the games gnashing their teeth,
 wringing their hands, licking their lips, glaring, snarling in low tones, salivating in
 anticipation of a feeding frenzy on copious helpings of juicy red meat.

 They wanted scapegoats. Hateful, bitter, resentful people who wanted red meat.
 Hate.
 Blood.
 Body parts strewnÖ well, you know.

 In L.A., itís the afterglow of magnificent success.
 Aaaaaaahhhh!
 MMMMmmmmmm!
 We voted for Clinton. Twice.

 We were right. Eight great years.

 I was watching CNN. Afterwards they didnít want to comment on the speech,
 disappointed as they were at its brilliance. Reluctantly admitted that it was pretty
 damn good only after a preface of negative comments about Gore in the polls, etc., etc.,

 blah, blah, blah.

 Riots.
 Demonstrations.
 Cops.

 How could Gore possibly live up to the standard of this speech
 (Duh. Who could? Why try?).
 Novak, still trying desperately to cling to second place, claims that Reaganís 1980ís
 debt-ridden economic recovery gets the silver medal, not the one in the 60ís Clinton
 referred to: ďBut I tell you, President Clinton has never, uh, bothered playing loose
 with the facts (sic). Thatís his trademark.Ē

 Bunch of pricks.

 I donít drink tequila, but Iíll make an exception on election night
 when Gore trounces that phony and the Dems get the House back.
 Iíll get shitfaced if the Senate converts, too.

 How unladylike.

 Janet,
 Excellent note.
 I'm with you on the shit-faced election night.
 Be sure to get the good stuff, tho, and you may want to buy early.
 I think a lot of people will be celebrating that night.


 Paul Begala Shoots the Bull

 Wow! President Clinton last night made the most powerful case imaginable for
 the repeal of the 22nd Amendment. He was the Master of the Game -- at turns
 patriotic leader of the country, proud leader of the New Democrats, faithful
 friend to his buddy Al, admiring husband of his wronged wife. Even his
 detractors had to admit it was one of the great speeches of his life.
 Needless to say, I loved it.

 The GOP made an enormous strategic mistake in Philadelphia when they said
 America has drifted these last eight years. (And faithful readers of this
 space read it here first.) By picking a fight with President Clinton they
 allowed him to devote the bulk of his speech to making -- and winning -- the
 argument that the last eight years have in truth been a time of unparalleled
 progress, made possible by President Clinton's leadership. This election is a
 parallel to the 1960 presidential campaign, in which then-Vice President Nixon
 was seeking to succeed the remarkably popular President Eisenhower, but he was
 being challenged by the fresh-faced young Senator John F. Kennedy, who was
 being accused of trading on his family's wealth and name. Here we have VP
 Gore trying to succeed Clinton (the most popular second-term president of this
 century) opposed by the fresh-faced Governor of Texas, who is being accused of
 trading on his family's wealth and fame.

 But while JFK went out of his way to avoid picking a fight with Eisenhower,
 saying at the 1960 Los Angeles convention: "As Winston Churchill said on
 taking office some 20 years ago: If we open a quarrel between the present and
 the past, we shall be in danger of losing the future." But, lacking JFK's
 grace (not to mention his brains) Bush went out of his way to antagonize
 President Clinton. This does not make strategic sense. Bush is doing it
 because he's all wee-wee'd up about the fact that Clinton clobbered Poppy in
 1992. Junior is out for vengeance. But all he did was awaken a sleeping
 giant, giving POTUS license to open up a can of whoop-ass on the GOP.

 Note to W: Be grateful you're not running against Clinton;
                    Don't bring him into this race, unless you want to lose.

 Tonight's lineup features Democratic legends Sen. Edward M. Kennedy, (and
 JFK's daughter Caroline), Rev. Jesse Jackson, and Bill Bradley. Thus proving
 that, although the Clinton-Gore-Lieberman New Democratic ticket has won the
 struggle for control of the party, we will not hide from our base. We are not
 ashamed of our most loyal supporters, unlike the Republicans, who are obviously
 embarrassed by their leaders, their platform and their agenda. I looked everywhere
 in Philadelphia and could not catch a glimpse of Rev. Pat Robertson, Tom DeLay or
 Dick Armey, or the rest of the right-wing goofballs.

 A party that is ashamed of its base is a party that's going to lose.

 The Bushies must be sweatin' back home in Texas.
 Both the once-respected Whore Street Journal poll and the Zogby poll show
 the race has tightened to just three points. Just a week ago, the Zogby poll
 showed Bush with a 17-point lead. What's happened to that mighty lead? Well,
 it was built on nothing. Bush ain't a mile wide and an inch deep -- he's
 about a quarter-inch deep. The GOP convention was all Alka-Seltzer: it fizzed
 for awhile, but then it was gone without a trace. If Al Gore gives a good
 speech Thursday night, he should emerge from this convention tied or in the
 lead -- a remarkable political turnaround.


 Subject:  Religion

 From:  madpillager@hotmail.com

 Bartcop,

 I have a question that you might have an answer to.
 Conservatives are pro-religious, supposedly.
 I want to know what religion?

 It seems that all conservatives who speak of god refer to the catholic based
 christian religions.  What I mean is any religion that believes in heaven, hell, god
 and the devil and so forth.  I have yet to see any mention to muslims,
 mormons, witness's, buddhists, etc. Is the conservative party really for
 religious rights and if so, who's religious rights?

 Thanks

 Matt

 Matt,
 They want to control religion.
 They're so certain of their brand of insanity, they don't allow for others to
 have a different brand. Like I explained when beating back the pinheads
 who called me "anti-Semitic," as long as someone's not handing a rattlesnake
 to a child, or refusing medical help for that child, I don't give a rat's ass
 which brand of stupidity anyone wants to believe in.

 Some people worship the sun, which is at least real.
 Some people, like the ancient Egyptians, prayed to cats.
 Some people worship a money-grubbing Nazi pig of a man.
 Under BartCop-ism, all that would be allowed, but not encouraged.

 If the Religious Reich ever gets control of the White House and Congress,
 they will attempt to force their insanity on us sane people.
 Then there will be a Great Civil War,
 which is why every liberal should own a gun.


 Subject: Convention

 From: Teke07@aol.com

 Grand Master Clinton!!!!
 The guy is amazing. I watched his speech and Hillary's without getting up.
 And I do agree with a point you made a while ago...Hillary is hot.
 And I am only 26.

 Bill Clinton is so damn good in the spotlight and can bring up all kinds of emotions.
 And did you notice all of the minorities in the crowd?
 Not one of the was carrying a broom, like in the other "show."
 I can't wait for the remaining Kennedy to speak. This convention seemed lighter and
 more fun than the GOP's, but that was because our's was missing the hate.

 Mike


 Ralph Nader knows better
 He is one of our greatest public advocates,
 but his presidential campaign is leading the public astray.
 By Joe Conason


 Aug. 15, 2000 | After all the carping about Ralph Nader's personal eccentricity and millionaire income drifts
 away on the wind, he will remain in the pantheon of great American citizens. He stands in a tradition of dissenting
 intellectual activists that reaches back to Lincoln Steffens, Frederick Douglass and Tom Paine. His achievements
 as the nation's most effective consumer advocate encompass, at the very minimum, the saving of scores of
 thousands of lives which might otherwise have been sacrificed to corporate profitability (and not only in the auto
 industry). He earned sufficient stature to run for any public office a long time ago.

 Ralph is a man I admire and someone to whom I also happen to owe a measure of personal gratitude. More
 than two years ago -- back before he decided retrospectively to become a supporter of impeachment, when he
 was among the most trenchant and thoughtful critics of Kenneth Starr -- Nader supported the research for "The
 Hunting of the President," the book I coauthored with Gene Lyons. That is among the many reasons I am sorry
 to say I think his presidential campaign is attempting to mislead voters, the consumers of democracy.

 The premises of Nader's campaign, which threatens to deliver certain key states to the Republicans in
 November, are that the two major parties have become so similar that it doesn't matter which one wins the
 White House; and that through his candidacy, the Green Party will become a viable institution to advance
 progressive goals. Neither of those selling points is consistent with truth in advertising.

 As one of the nation's premier intellectuals concerned with federal policy, with particular expertise in matters
 where Democrats and Republicans are indeed very different, it is hard to imagine that Nader really believes his
 own rhetoric about "Republicrats." For an advocate such as him -- whose life's work is based on the idea that
 government has a responsibility to protect consumers, workers and families from corporate depredation -- the
 distinction between the major parties could never have appeared as stark as it does now.

 Today's Republican Party is an entirely corporate-dominated entity whose congressional leaders are utterly
 hostile to the environmental, consumer and workplace safety agencies that Nader played an important role in
 creating. For all their imperfections and compromises, and their increasing reliance on corporate soft money, the
 Democrats maintain their traditional support for all those essential institutions. Many of them have been
 reinvigorated under the Clinton presidency, after more than a decade of stagnation, influence-peddling and
 outright corruption during the Reagan and Bush administrations.

 The memories of Nader's supporters may be too short to recall the fate of the Environmental Protection Agency,
 the Occupational Safety and Health Administration, the Federal Trade Commission, and all the other federal
 offices that were crippled under Reagan and Bush. But somehow I suspect that Ralph is only pretending
 amnesia. Does he really think the lobbyists and executives who have raised $100 million to elect George W.
 Bush are full of benign intentions? Isn't it obvious that this time around, especially if the Republicans also maintain
 control of Congress, this crowd will try to finish the wrecking job they began in the 1980s?

 Even on the issue of global trade, Democrats at least acknowledge that globalization shouldn't sacrifice
 environmental and labor standards for the sake of commerce. Republican ideology places no value whatsoever
 on those concerns, which are regarded by GOP ideologues only as potential impediments to the marvels of the
 marketplace.

 The list of issues that distinguish Democrats from Republicans is long and indisputable. It begins with the
 minimum wage, which Democrats have consistently raised and Republicans would prefer to see abolished, and
 goes on through reproductive rights, affirmative action, gay and minority rights, to the regulation of rapacious
 health insurers and the maintenance of the freedom to sue corporate wrongdoers (a special concern of Nader's).
 For upper-middle-class liberals -- to whom all these questions are comfortably abstract -- a vanity vote for
 Nader may well be an affordable luxury. For everyone else, that choice represents a flirtation with disaster.

 The argument that the major parties are identical is absurd, but even less plausible is the notion that the Green
 Party will ever become a useful alternative. Third parties that claim they are on the way to displacing the
 Democrats or the Republicans are invariably perpetrating a consumer fraud.

 More than a century has passed since such a party ascended into real electoral competition; in recent times, all
 of the rump parties have been spoilers. When they aren't spoilers, they simply spoil away themselves into
 factional isolation and irrelevance. That is what happened with the Citizens Party in 1980, the precursor of
 today's Green Party. It is also what happened to the movement around John Anderson's candidacy that same
 year, which failed so pitifully that it couldn't even take a share of the blame for electing Reagan.

 More immediately, that kind of political decay is what is happening right now to the Reform Party, an effort with
 better funding and a more significant social base than the Greens will ever possess. Well-meaning and sincere as
 they are, the Greens call to mind George Orwell's acid description of the fringe personalities and obsessions that
 once made British socialism unattractive to ordinary people.

 In this country, the same small-party patent medicine has been peddled by the same few figures on the far left for
 more than two decades. It is about as useful for curing cancer or growing hair as it has been in reforming
 American politics. Ralph Nader shouldn't be lending his illustrious name to a fake like this. And it is sad that to
 whatever extent he does succeed this fall, he will only be undermining the extraordinary public contributions of
 his own lifetime.


 Subject:  Drudge's Underwater Adventures

 From: rhodes@nortelnetworks.com

 Hey BC,

 What's up with Drudge, he seems totally preoccupied
 with the unfolding drama of the sunken submarine?

 Oh yeah, it's a story that has all the stuff he loves...
 long, hard tubes full of seamen.

 Bill

 Drudge has half his page dedicated to the Russian sub.
 To hear him tell it, that sub is almost as big a story as Clinton's cock.


 Subject: Big Willie Style

 From:  Dl49@aol.com

 Man that was a killer speech the greatest President ever gave Bart.
 You could almost hear the screws twisting in the republicons.
 Pretty cool to see Hardballs pin down the pathetic turd Billy Bennett
 on the economy stats.

 I'm still puzzled why Chris the Screamer would say something nice
 about Bill Clinton, even though it was true. Clinton has been a great
 president loing before last night...

 You really have Christy Brinkley Pics?

 I have a couple...
 Since she's a Democrat, I can only publish flattering pictures of her, fully-clothed.
 But if she ever goes ditto-monkey on us...

 Click  Here


 From the Mind of BrainSmasher

 Click  Here


 From: (withheld)

 Remember all the crying last summer by Republicans when Clinton borrowed
 money to buy his house in New York?  "Clinton can't borrow from an individual,"
 sniffed the GOP, "because he would be beholdant to that person."

 So Clinton went to a bank and borrowed the money at prevailing market rates,
 but still the GOP complained because they felt Clinton should have to pay
 PMI, etc.  If Clinton got a deal, it was a fraction of a point in interest
 on his $1.4 million dollar loan.

 But now that Dick Cheney is getting $20,000,000 as a going-away present from
 Halliburton, Republicans are silent once again.

 What would you rather have?
 A waiver of PMI on a $1.4 million dollar loan, or $20,000,000?

 No wonder the GOP screws up the economy; they think that a fraction of $1.4
 mil is better than 20 million bucks.

 Tamara Baker has a good piece about in in AmPol,
 but she doesn't make the Clinton comparison.

 She also lets us know she learned about the Cheney deal while completely naked.

 Is that really her picture with the boxing gloves?

 If so, do you have any other pictures of her?
 I hear she's a traitor!

 ha ha

 Shame on you for thinking about her as a sexual object!
 Shame, shame!
 But I must admit, smart women are a turn-on for most Democrats.

 You're right about the $20,000,000 bribe for Cheney.
 That's not even the sales tax on what Smirk & Snarl will do for Big Oil
 if they get their polluting hands on the White House.


 You ever notice how the GOP hates and ridicules President Clinton,
 but when Al Gore shows up, they all say, "He's no Clinton."

 More proof they're lying...


 On the way into the office, Uncle OJ Watts was on the ditto-monkey AM station,
 that broadcasts "the Truth Detector" every afternoon for three hours, whining and
 complaining about the spectacular performance we saw last night.

 "What Clinton said was pure mythology.
   This president had nothing to do with this economy.
   He used his sleight-of-hand to pretend he was responsible."

  ...and the all-white DL agreed with every lie OJ offered.

  How does Clinton compare to Smirk?
  Uncle OJ said,

  "George W Bush had the courage to speak to the NAACP.
    That tells you what kind of man he is."

  Hey, OJ!
  How much courage should it take for a presidential candidate to speak
  to his fellow Americans?  Christ, you might as well compliment him for
  having the courage to defend Texas from Charlie during the seventies...


 Great Clinton Quotes

 "You could put my cabinet on this stage and it would
  look a lot like that stage we saw two weeks ago."


 Don't you think it was terribly bad manners for the Fox Whores
 to read highlighted passages from Hillary's speech before she gave it?

 Tony Snow, a particularly cheap-ass whore, even read false stage cues
 (...pause for dramatic effect...) that Hillary never even used.

 I'm old, I've seen six or eight of these conventions, and the press
 has never read from the speech before it was given, but then again,
 we've never had an entire network turn gutter whore until Rupert Murdoch's
 Fox Whore News came along.

 Obviously Fox wanted to dilute the message by breaking it early
 so it would have less dramatic effect to the viewer watching at home.

 ..and speaking of terribly cheap whores, Mara Liasson has to be the
 cheapest of the cheap whores on Fox, and that's really saying something.
 The malicious venom that spewed from her mouth all night would've
 gotten her mouth washed out with soap had she been Catholic and
 back at the grade school where this writer was reared.

 Candy Crowley, Peggy Noonan, Fred Barnes and the other usual suspects
 were on their best behavior next to Mara Liasson. She acted like she was
 related to that Mayberry family who complained about landlord Gore.

 A shot of Jose Cuervo Gold for Mara Liasson - cheap-ass whore.


 The President's Prepared Speech

 Click  Here


 Remember Skirtboy and his "big challenge?"

 If I didn't know better, I'd say his page was different than the last time I saw it.
 He really has taken a fancy to Laura the Martyr.

 ha ha

 He's going to be madder than Bob Dornan when he sees this.

 Click  Here

 Excerpt
 The formula for success is:
  - Divide and conquer
  - Show absolute praise for the IRS
  - Look out for Black Copters

 ha ha


 Triple Shot of Cunningham


 


 

 ha ha

 Check http://www.cunninghamstrikes.com  for more, and
 while you're there, register for his digital camera giveaway, too.


 From: lordzontar90@hotmail.com

 Subject: **Last night's festivities**

 Yo, BC;

 I caught t\last night's opening of the AmericaFest 2000 on C-SPAN, which
 seems to be the only whore-free network covering these conventions. After
 the speech in which Clinton proved he'd win in a walk if it was permitted
 to run for a third term, I flipped around the other channels to find out
 what the shrunken-heads were saying right afterward:

 NBC's Tom Brokhaw: Won in 1992 beating Bush and Perot...stumbled
 1994...came back to win again in '96 fueled by the largest cash
 machine ever seen which is still raising questions...

 ABC's Judas Maximus: The most partisan convention speech I've ever heard...
 Ediotr's Note: That back-stabbing son-of-a-bitch...

 CNN's Jeff Greenfield: The Republicans said they weren't going to be
 held responsible for this economy...Clinton turned that around on them...

 PBS's David Gergen: I don't see how this speech helps Gore at all...

 ABC's Sam Donaldson: Are you better off now than you were eight
 years ago...Clinton's made the case on the economy that Shrub
 will find hard to answer...Most effective line of the evening...

 Only snippets, but some of these commentators were busting a gut having
 to say *anything* positive about the speech. Gergen and some other drone
 yammered about how having Clinton's speech so late nullified its effectiveness
 (which is why God gave us VCR's, David). "People go to bed after 11.00"
 --which I suppose is why Letterman, Leno, and O'Brien are all failing in their timeslots?
 ha ha
 (and I seem to remember Gergen saying that same thing eight years ago)

 "Liberal-biased media"... Yeah, right!




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