late

Volume 247 - Clinton Cock Hunt II

August 17, 2000.............................................. ................................................The Big Story

Subject: TOMMY LEE, NOT TOMMY LEE JONES

From: rcahtare@utic.net.ba

ROCKER TOMMY LEE WAS MARRYED TO HEATHER AND PAMELA;
NOT THE ACTOR TOMMY LEE JONES !!!

Bojan Èahtareviæ

Bojan,
It was an attempt at humor.
I was attempting to be a funny American comic, like Chris Rock.

I am misunderstood around the world.
Anyone know what country utica.net.ba is?

A life was saved today.

Kimberly Mathers has filed for divorce from Marshall Mathers,
who is also known as "Eminem."

She is expected to make a full recovery.

News from the Future

Click Here

Subject: Great Clinton Praise from the U.K.

From: rec1150@bellatlantic.net

Hi BartCop,

I was one of the 380 or so in the Treehouse last night. Tonight, too.
Love what you're doing.

Have you seen this article?

http://www.the-times.co.uk/news/pages/tim/2000/08/17/timopnope01006.html

It's pretty good. Too bad we have to go to England to read a paper that
will tell the truth about the best president of our lifetimes.

Thank Koresh we've got the Internet and energetic fanatics like you now.

Never Quit!

Ray

White House Denounces Counsel Over Clinton Report

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The White House on Thursday denounced the independent
counsel's office over reports that a new grand jury has been hearing evidence
against President Clinton in the Monica Lewinsky case.

Independent counsel Robert Ray reportedly impaneled a grand jury on July 11.
Ray took over as independent counsel in the investigation after Kenneth Starr's departure.

White House spokesman Jake Siewert said. ``The timing of this leak reeks to high heaven,
but given the record of the office of the independent counsel, it's not surprising.''

If I was Al Gore, I'd scrap the prepared speech and go with this news.

"That's all the GOP offers America - peeping into your bedroom.
If Bush is elected, they will repeat 1998 and shut down the government
so they can investigate the sex lives of their political opponents."

Subject: Mail from above

Hello Bartcop,

I would like to take a moment to introduce myself because you may be
surprised. Since there are only four of us in the entire town, I could
easily be identified, therefore please don't publish this. I am a
Catholic priest who over this past year has lived in xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

Further, I think I am abount one of six Democrats here. Another friend of mine,
who works with migrants in Colorado, turned me onto you when she heard
where I was being transferred. (She alternated between tears and laughter when
she heard about my assignment.) To make a long story short--unlike my sermons:

Thank you for helping me remain sane over this past year.
I look forward to reading you every evening.
In fact, I read you more religiously than I do my night prayers.
Just a question, or observation:

Have you noticed the gun manufacturer's ad on CNN in which they talk about
protecting our second amendment rights while they destroy an American flag?

Aren't they talking to the same crowd who wants
to pass a constitutional amendment to protect the flag?

Or am I missing something here? God, country, flag, guns, except when you
want to sell more guns, then please desecrate a flag or two during prime time.

Thank you for keeping me alive more often then once, even though we may
not agree on every issue. Incidently, thank you for introducing me
(and a few other priests to whom I have made a referral) to Betty Bowers.

Unfortunately, I haven't been able to use a whole lot of her material in
my preaching, but I'm still searching.

A loyal friend.
Father Dan

Father Dan,
Maybe you're a priest, and maybe you're not, but I can tell
from your grammer and spelling you're definitely a Catholic!

ha ha

I feel so sory for those Phillistines locked in those "gutter" religions
who didn't get the education you and I got. :)

You're right about that flag thing, too.
Mrs. BartCop said the same thing.

Remind me to tell you about the private masses
the priests held for me when I was in the hospital.
They'll never forget the during-mass debates with Ol' BartCop.

ha ha

Thanks for writing, do it again,
And yes, Betty Bowers is the best!

Here's a good e-mail I received.

Click Here

Please withhold my name

While watching the convention last night, every time there was a lull,
they would break away so Moses could sell guns. It reminded me of a story.

I spent 15 years in LA as a professional actor before getting fed up and returning home
to study law. One time, I was hanging out at CBS with a friend who was working with
a production company that was considering old Chuck for a part in a TV movie.

Walking with him back into his office, he cried out, "Oh, shit!"

"What's wrong," I asked?

Picking up a script from his desk, he said,
"I was supposed to messenger this script to Heston before three o'clock."

"Where does he live," I asked?

He told me, and I offered, "Listen, I'm passing through the canyon on the way home,
I'll drop it off if you want."

"Great! But don't get out of the car!"

"What do you mean by that," I inquired.

"You'll see."

He gave me the script, and I drove off to the canyon. I approached the gate on my left,
and drove up along side of the intercom box. On the gate was a large sign that said,
"MESSENGERS: DO NOT GET OUT OF YOUR VEHICLE!" Or some such thing...

I pressed the button on the box, and a voice crackled over the intercom.

"What do you want!?"

"I have script from CBS, for Mr. Heston."

"Drive through the gate! Do not get out your car!"

The gate creaked open, and I began to drive down the long driveway.
Around the bend, there was another sign that said,
"GUARD DOGS ON PREMISES! STAY IN YOUR VEHICLE!"

I pulled up to the house, stopped my car, and turned off the engine.
Then these two beasts, that looked like they were guarding the gates of Hell,
lurked up and planted themselves next to my car. One at each door.
With foam dripping from their mouths, they looked like they were getting
ready for me to step out so that they could peel my skin off. I made sure my
doors were locked, and my windows tightly rolled up in spite of the stifling heat.

Moses emerged from the front door with a .38 gripped in one hand.
He gave me an Eastwood type stare that said, "Do you feel lucky...PUNK!?"
He slowly walked up to my car, checked me and it over by looking into the
back seat for a hidden assassin. Then, with a hand signal and a one word
command that I couldn't make out, the dogs scampered away with their
tails between their legs.

I rolled down my window and handed him the script.
He looked it over quickly as though looking for booby-traps, and said, "You can go."

I did.

You know, I met a lot of the famous in those days.
Many even bigger than Moses.
None of them ever displayed that kind of paranoia.

Incidently, I saw Rob Reiner at the convention last night.
His dad, Carl, is a hell of nice guy.

J. H.

JH, great story, thanks.

Why America Needs Dick

Click Here

From the lovely ladies at Landover Baptist Church

Subject: My road trip

From: christian06@earthlink.net

Oh! Oh! I forgot to tell you!
I found and have experienced Chinaco!

Now, I'm not a tequila drinker, but wow, was this good.
No bite at all, unlike the dreaded Cuervo.
As Rob Petrie said in the western dream episode after choking
on the whiskey and soda, "Now bring me the whiskey." :)

I couldn't believe how good it was.

I don't believe you!
I'm going to test some tonight!

ha ha

From: (withheld)

I loved your little comparison of the leadership of the Dems military
Service to the Nazi's!

Thanks, but that was sent to me by rackjite.com

But you forgot the "Gipper"! That brave soul spent WW II in Hollywood,
making movies! He got a HONORARY appointmant as a Captain in the Army. (Put
it this way, we was not eligable for any G.I. Benifits after the war).

When I was in the Active Army as a a Private, my First Sergeant to me
something, "The more macho they act they queerer they are!" He served in
Korea and did two tours in Vietnam so I think he knows what he's talking
about! What he means is that the guys that always talk tough are the usually
the first ones to run and hide when the sh*t hits the fan!

The GOP's only concern on the Military are:

1) Make it buy lots of stuff it does not want or need to help their Defense Stocks.
(Newt! How many C-130 did you put in the budget that the Air Force never asked for?)

2) Bring jobs to their home districts. Of the Billions spent on the "Star Wars" program,
most of it went o the Gipper's California and Poppy's Texas.

3) Assure their yearly bribe....err Campagn Contributions from the Defense Contractors!

Mark Shotzberger
Captain, United States Army Reserve, retired

A BartCop salute to Captain Shotzberger!
Remind me to dedicate a shot of Chinaco to you tonight :)

Professor Wills Column

Click Here

Thanks to LJGinsburg@aol.com

As if last night wasn't busy enough...

At 12:05 K-Drag CST, we had
- Chris Rock on Conan
- Al Franken vs Ben Stein on Sniperboy's show
- Joe Lockhart on Maher's PI

At first, I didn't like Joe Lockhart. He seemed slow-witted and deliberate,
but the more I see of him the better he gets. last night, some idiot-spank
was screaming at him, "What did Clinton-Gore ever do for education, Wise guy?"
And Joe, very calmly, more calmly than I would've been, explained that,
for example, when C/G took over only 9 states had certifiable reading and
math requirements and now 49 states did.

Pretty damn good argument - cut that shrieker off at the knees.

The Franken/Steinwipe "challenge" was a sham, at least the part I saw.
They had a little quiz, that looked very scripted and set-up. At the end,
Al & Ass pretended to be wrestling, what a silly joke.
I would've much rather have seen what they promised.

But I didn't see the whole show, so maybe I'll have a diff take
after seeing the entire tape. Ben Stein is definitely an asshole.

Chris Rock was killer!
I was typing and changing channels so I didn't see it all,
but he did one thing that made me think he reads bartcop.com
(not really, but it's fun to pretend)

Conan asked him abouit Lieberman, and Rock cut him off saying,
"I love all Jews, I have no problem with Jews, I love each and every Jew,
you can't get me to say anything bad about any Jew because they are
all super people, and did I mention that I love the Jews?"
It was funny as hell.

I'm really looking forward to Chris Rock every Friday night
and Dennis Miller every Monday night. TV is so often such a desert of shit,
it feels good when some quality entertainment actually rears it's pretty head.

I'm also looking forward to the end of these conventions.
I haven't worked this hard since I was a Catholic/jive translator
for the Council of Bishop's inner city paper drive.

We're planning a vacation, did I tell you?
It's so cool, because we have no idea where we're going.
We've talked to a couple of travel agents who are looking for any
last-minute super-deals to Las Vegas or Jamiaca or somewhere.
If nothing comes thru, we'll just load up Mrs BartCop's touring sedan
with a case of Chinaco and drive towards the mountains.

I know I've asked several times, but tell me once more:
What's the name if that tequila village near Taos?

It's a hotel/bar/mexican restaurant village called Chimaya or Chimera
or something and they're known for having all the tequila.
Whoever has that info, please send immediately.
We have to have a back-up if the bargains fall thru.

Too bad I don't have a laptop so I could file reports from the road.

From: BlueJ44@webtv.net

Subject: Whoa! Just in...

Fox whore news just reported that McCain`s camp is royally pissed
abt.the way the story of his cancer recurrence was leaked to the press.
They suspect Bush`s people timed it to take attention away from our convention;
because, they told the Bush people what the situation was last week.

The f...king anchor never batted an eye when the reporter said it,and
never even commented or asked a single question.

That sounds like Smirk,
and that sounds like Fox Whore News.

Anything to make Smirk look good.

When is somebody going to mention Roe v Wade?

Sure, they've mentioned it, but not like I would have.
If Smirk wins, and he signs a total abortion ban, women and liberals
and all going to be screaming, "How did this happen?"

Smart people know defense wins games.
There's no sense in trying to force the all-powerful GOP to reserve
something they've sworn to uphold, right?
The time to solve "How did this happen?" is before it happens.

Do you think the Democrats need me to take over?

Great Show Biz Quotes

TV's commentary class has managed to fill the air with a shower of babble,
obscuring or ignoring what has gone on at Demo-Con 2000
You begin to get the feeling they resent the people at the podium
for speaking while they're busy interrupting.
--Robert Bianco, TV Critic, USA Today

From: (withheld, because he works for that idiot-governor of Arkansas Mike Huckabee
and might bet fired for having an opinion contrary to God's chosen soldier)

I do not know how you manage to watch the whores on Fox Snooze.
I am already taking medication for blood pressure and I don't need the grief.
I have watch the convention on C-SPAN and while you were waiting for Joey
to smack one out of the park last night, the whores pretended that nothing of
consequence was occurring on the stage.

No surprise, they lied.

By watching C-SPAN, I got to see Governor Gray Davis (D-CAL - 'Nam Vet)
discuss character in a way that I believe you would agree with. He directed a
remark, I presume toward Butch the Lesser and the Dick, in which he said,
to the effect, that if you're going to examine character, yours must pass muster.

Does the good Governor know something we don't?

Even Greater Show Biz Quotes

CNN remains a better viewer bet than MSNBC, which is exposing America
to a severe case of Tim Russert Fatigue. Once merely the host of Meet the Whore,
the ever-more-pompous Russert now seems to think is IS the press.
--same guy, Robert Bianco, who just went up in my book.

Yes, pound on that pompous piece of shit.
I'd like to run into Russert in a deserted Men's Room, say in an airport.
And I wish it would happen on a Saturday, so I could see how the
make-up people hide his black eye and his fat fucking lip.

The Smirk Smack of the Day

Click Here

Not only that, but the air in Houston today is rated UNHEALTHY!
Way to go, Smirk!

Even Greater Show Biz Quotes

Then there are the partisans at Fox News, where anchor Brit Hume
felt free to dismiss Jesse jackson's speech as "ineffective" before it
was even delivered. Perhaps the network's obvious rightward slant
explains why Fox's ratings are far lower this week than two weeks ago.
same dude, Robert Bianco, TV Critic, USA Today

Yes!

This is the first time I've seen Fox called on their extreme whore bias.
I fail to understand why the other networks allow Fox to claim, unchallenged,
that they are giving out "fair and balanced" news.

That's pure horseshit!

Of course, every news channel is full of ruthless whores,
but Fox is by far the worst overtly-cheering slugs in the business.

Wait, one last quote from Bianco:

The most important words at this convention will come tonight from Al Gore.
And while he's talking, the commentators will shut up.
It's enough to make you hope he talks for hours.

ha ha

From: Skip1005@aol.com

Subject: Keep it up, bossman...

Due to work constraints, I've only been able to catch one of the nights of
the convention (last night, w/Joe, Tommy Lee, the wild daughter
{oh...my...God... I do believe I am having an inappropriate thought....
.... .... ....okay... I'm back now) and the Big Guy Hisself.

Just wanted to thank you, again, for all the thought and work
you've put in to all of this. It's WELL appreciated!

DAMN, son!
Just think what you could've done with an IQ of 65!

A shot of Tres Generaciones for you, bossman.
(Sorry, still haven't ponied up for this Chinaco yet. Maybe tonight.)

-Skip Tucker
Los Angeles

Skip, do me a favor.
I've got the new Riot Cam linked to my page.
Could you make a sign that says "bartcop.com" and go downtown
and stand in from of the riot cam and wave?

That'd be awesome...

Greatbartcop.com Reader Quotes

I suspect that one of the reasons we didn't go all the way to Baghdad in '91 is because,
as the late Bill Hicks said, Bush was waiting for Saddam's check to clear for all the
weapons he bought from the Reagan White House during his war with Iran.

Of course, being the fair-minded soul he is, Reagan sold weapons to the Iranians as well;
he finally had to go on national television and say,
"My heart tells me that's not true, but the facts and the evidence say I did."

But that wasn't a scandal; as we all know, thanks to the selfless honesty of Fox News
and the rest of the corporate media, *nothing* is a scandal in this country unless it
somehow involves Bill Clinton's distinguishing characteristic.

AGLoomis@aol.com

I've never seen Bordello of Blood!
Dennis Miller seems to be looking at her cleavage.
What does he make Angie Everhart do at gunpoint?

ha ha

He said he did this picture because he needed the money.

August 16, 2000

S'cuse me for a moment.
There's a joke coming up, in five minutes or so
...it's a Tommy Lee joke.

It's a joke.
I know Tommy Lee and Tommy Lee Jones are different people.

...it's a joke.

Sorry, I didn't have any other way to say that.

From: brendan@wildduckbrewery.com

Subject: Stroke Me, Stroke Me

Did you catch the guy that slipped through the call screener and had
Limbaugh on the ropes before he went to a break?

Great moment,

Brendan

Yes!
That was great!
The liberal laid a perfect trap, and El Pigbo fell like a safe full of water!

The liberal says, "The 1998 elections forced Newt to resign."

Pigboy got angry, "That's NOT why Newt resigned!"

The guy says, "Oh, so it was his sex scandal that made him resign?
Is that what you're telling your 20,000,000 listeners?"

Pigboy, says, "I'm late for a break!"

ha ha
ha ha
ha ha

Pigboy - you are such a lying fraud!

You can't write comedy that funny.
Thanks for reminding me.

This is too good to be true, but it's true.

Paul Begala has written a book about the idiot Smirk.

Is Our Children Learning?
The Case Against George W Bush

Swear to Koresh, that's the title.

ha ha

Remind me, tomorrow night - a shot of Chinaco for Paul Begala.

From: LJGinsburg@aol.com

Subject: The News Whores

Bartcop --

I've been reading you for several weeks now and have been wanting to write
but most of my posts would have been as long as the Encyclopedia Brittanica.
I agree with you 100% about the broadcast news whores (and if someone doesn't
get Bill Bennett off the screen soon I will not be responsible for my actions).

ha ha

But tonight really defined how truly reprehensible the broadcast news media is.
They can clear their schedule to put Tommy Lee Jones on but when one of the
great heroes of the civil rights movement, John Lewis, speaks, they couldn't make
the time to put him on. Only CSPAN and the PBS stations did.
(I like Tommy Lee but it shows the priority and intelligence of those a****les in TV.)

Linda
Huntingdon Valley PA

Linda,

Well put.
At BartCop Manor, we call them whores.

From: kwawin@ev1.net

Subject: been stein

hey bart,
that idiot stein is on public radio, dissin' lieberman!

kwawin

He's a bad man...

From: uberfem13@juno.com

Subject: the WHORE Ben Stein

Totally ripping into JoeL..........calling him shallow, and trying to backtrack
Smirks statement about the armed forces and saying that Joe is a liar
for saying the US armed forces are the best......

What a prick!

Jhone

VCR Alert - Tipper on Leno

10:48

Great Leno Quotes

Paula Jones getting naked again for penthouse?
Who wants to see Paula Jones naked?
I'd rather see the naked guy from Survivor.

10:52

Instant Mail

From: JennyQ1@aol.com

Subject: WHORE ALERT

After Karinna's speech...I turn on Faux News and the
first thing outta that WHORE Brit Hume's mouth..

"I don't mean to be petty..but this is supposed to be the new, loose Al Gore,
and he came running out and had all three buttons on his suit buttoned".

WHORE!!!!

BRIT YOU WHORE!!!!!!!!

ha ha

I couldn't have said that better myself!

From: brettfavresux@hotmail.com

Subject: fox sux

What the fuck are these people thinking?
Do they REALLY think this is unbiased coverage?

Witless Brit Hume actually said that when Al came out after the daughter's speech
he was 'struck' by the fact that Al Gore had the buttons on his jacket buttoned!!
I am speechless with rage.

I don't own any guns. Could I borrow one of yours?

Lee

ha ha

No.

ha ha

What'd you expect from Fox Whore News?

From: Rackjite.com

THE CHICKENHAWKS

The Democratic leadership in the House and Senate:

House Minority Leader Richard Gephardt - Served his country in uniform, 1965-71
House Minority Whip David Bonior - Served his country in uniform, 1968-72
Senate Minority Leader Tom Daschle - Served his country in uniform, 1969-72
President of the Senate Albert Gore - Served his country in uniform, 1969-71

The Republican leadership in the House and Senate:

Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert - avoided the draft, did not serve.
Majority Leader Dick Armey- avoided the draft, did not serve.
Majority Whip Tom Delay - avoided the draft, did not serve.
Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott - avoided the draft, did not serve.

Conservatives make great fun of President Clinton for questioning the Vietnam War,
standing up to his beliefs and questioning his own participation in that war as well, i.e.,
being honest and walking the walk of his own belief system at least for a time.

On the other hand there were literally millions of dishonest hypocritical, cowardly
right-wing loonies who supported the war while refusing to personally participate.

Here are just a few:

Elliott Abrams - Sought deferment for bad back.
Richard Armey - Sought college deferment, too smart to die.
Bill Bennett - Sought graduate school deferment, too smart to die.
Pat Buchanan - Sought deferment for bad knee.
George W. Bush - Daddy got him in the National Gaurd
Dick Cheney - Sought graduate school deferment, too smart to die.
Tom DeLay - - Sought college deferment, too smart to die.
Newt Gingrich - Sought graduate school deferment, too smart to die.
Phil Gramm - Sought marriage deferment, too loved to die.
Jack Kemp - Sought medical deferment while in the NFL.
Rush Limbaugh - Sought deferment for ingrown hair follicle on his ass.
Trent Lott - Sought deferment, didn't want to muss his hair.
P.J. O'Rourke - Sought deferment, too stoned.
Dan Quayle - Family got him into the Reserves.
Pat Robertson - Father pulled him out of Korea as soon as the shooting began.
Kenneth Starr - Sought deferment for psoriasis.
John Wayne - Sought deferment to further acting career.
Vin Weber - Sought deferment for asthma.
George Will - Sought deferment, too much of a wussy.

Thanks to rackjite.com for the excellent work.

All Times CST

8:05

Slow goin's so far.

Larry King has two war heroes, Max Cleland and John Kerry.
Koresh, when you look in the dictionary under "whiner,"
you're never going to see Max Cleland's name.

8:10

Tommy Lee on MSNBC

I hope they ask him about Love Story and that other crap!
Hey, he's speaking tonight - I'm always the last to know.

8:12

Uh-Oh, Uncle Juan Williams is working tonight.
There's a guaranteed Gore-basher, but then again, this is Fox Whore News.

It's so boring, they're interviewing ladies with big hats.

Tipper on MSNBC, looking very professorial tonight...
(Going on Leno later)

Also, is it tonight?
Ben Stein vs Al Franken?
I think it is.

Perfect!
Tom Clancy's back on 8-Wives to tell us, "Dunno" about the stupid sub.
Sabutai and BrainSmasher are both ready to go save that sub.
If you fellas need us, just send me some e-mail.

Talk about multi-tasking, I have eight chicken breasts smoking
in the Bart Grill in the dark - wish me luck.

Is Russert on speed?
He's always so jittery...

Bill Bennett and Brit Hume are having a "fair & honest" look
at the Clinton-Gore-JoeL record, as tho that's news.
They keep whining about Hollywood!

When is something going to start?
Last night at this time, we were being warned to Stay out the Bushes.
Is JoeL going red-meat tonight?
Which night is red-meat night?
They should've asked my help - writing the attacks, I mean.

JoeL's Momma on 8-Wives, so maybe Tommy Lee is working his way
down to the podium. By the way, can you believe he was once
married to Heather Locklear and Pamela Anderson?

I sure am working hard, being a true cyberjournalist like my idol,
and cooking supper for Mrs. BartCop, who must be made happy.
I hope I at least end up with the big piece of chicken.

Sorry, we're to the first "Fuck you" of the night - Bill Bennett.
He just called Gore, "Clinton's accessory, HE WAS THERE!"

Fuck you, Mr Morality, you big-ass liar!
He was NOT there, and he had no idea Clinton was getting blown.
Christ, Bennett, you're as fair and decent as the vulgar Pigboy.

Doris Kearns Goodwin is slurring the good guys on MSNBC...
Don't we have any friends in the media?

8:40

Dead as a ghost town.
Just like the Democrats to wait till it's over to start.

I found a Dark Guinness Draught in the fridge.
Koresh, it tastes like old shoes...

Lisa Myers is hiking her skirt on MS network.
Do whores get paid double for a convention?

8:48

CNN just announced their running the Godfather Trilogy
while the Democrats wait for someone to start the show.

Ma Richards on CNN, usually good for a quote.
She owes Smirk a shot or two.

Fox is spiltting their time between personals slurs and asking the ladies
in the big hats what town they're from, and do they like Gore?

Larry King says after the Godfather Trilogy, they'll run
Police Academy movies until the Democrats bring out the big guns.

9:00

Wow!

Tommy Lee will offer Gore's name for nomination.
Do you think Vince & Nikki are there, too?
Maybe they'll do a song or two...

"JoeL's moment of truth is coming," said pee-my-pants idiot Bernie Shaw.

Everybody ready?
Got your drink?
Got your cheese blocks and Chessmen cookies?

JoeL in the House!

Stevie Wonder is watching, ...uh, is there.

Geez, JoeL has a delivery sorta like Mike Dukakis.
Let's hope that doesn't mean anything.

When he talks, he's cornier than Kansas on the Fourth of July!
That means he's honest, right?

And people will get that, right?

"I marched with MLK!"

Go JoeL!

ha ha

"We've even sued oil companies," a nice smack at Smirk.

ha ha

Now, tribute to the WWII boys - good move...

Word just now coming in...
After "Mr. Excitement," speaks, Tommy Lee Jones and the people
"who know him best" are going to explain the Legend of Al Gore to us.

Hey, I got my VCR running...

ha ha

His Philadelphia joke was good!
Caught me off-guard, and I was paying attention.

Go JoeL, more like that!

ha ha

The McCain mention was good...

The water and air in Texas looks like this

If you vote for us this November, America will look like this!

ha ha

Get a little steam going, JoeL!

More drugs!
More drugs!
More drugs!

ha ha

I'm voting Democrat this year.

9:28

Give 'em hell, Joel!

We like Teachers!

ha ha

You'd have to be anti-education to hate teachers!

He should mention Roe v Wade, and hammer it.

Hammer, hammer!

They say, the best way to feed the birds is giving more hay to the horse!

ha ha

Turning "squander" around on them.

"We can do the job!"

The crowd's going bat-shit!
Look at all the lighters.

You'd think he was playing Free Bird.

ha ha

I have three words for you

VEE -ET- NAM!!
My boy volunteered, Smirk stayed home in Texas with daddy!

I keep seeing Ron Howard, or is that just Lieberman?

Looks like he's closing....

(Wrap it up, JoeL, the stars want to come out!)

Only in America...

Nice speech, not too shabby.
At least he didn't free Poland like Ford did in 1976.

9:44

Tommy Lee!

Speaking like John Mashida.
Take your time, Tommy.

Whoever told you to hurry was kidding!

"Al Gore is my brother!"

"Brains and heart, ...and stress is no problem!"

ha ha

Is that a Cheney joke?

Damn, that was fast...

Uh-Oh!
Now he's with Wolf the Whore!

Go ahead, Wolf, let's see you smart off to Tommy Lee.
Yeah, Wolf, be a prick with Tommy Lee,
and let's see if you get your goddamn headset slapped off.
I hear Tommy doesn't take a lot of shit from dimestore hacks,
and I hear he has a bit of a temper!

ha ha

Oh, look - it's the WILD Gore daughter.

On Leno, she said she was so wild, when her parents went somewhere,
they put her four-years-younger sister in charge.

ha ha

....you'd think I could get a job as a speechwriter for this group.
I couldn't write the whole thing, you understand, but I could maybe put
a little zing in the speeches, give them some gunpowder or something.

Yes!

Roe V Wade!

Use the hammer!
Use the hammer!

It's about time...

Do they think that's not important?

....eh?

.....what???

....Look Here!

Mr. President!!!