Great Republican Quotes
Shields: Bob, has the bleeding stopped in the Smirk campaign yet?
Novak: We'll have to wait and see.
I don't know if Algore really said this,
cause you know how they make stuff up,
but on May 5th, Cinco de Mayo, Algore is alledged to have said,
"May 5th? I wish one of my kids was born on May 5th."
But remember what Smirk's snotty retort was?
"May 5th isn't even Mexican Independence
That holiday is de Septiembre el Décimosexto.
Yeah, something tells me Smirk's never missed a holiday in Mexico...
But that reminded me that today is de
Septiembre el Décimosexto,
so we bought a little Corralejo Tequila.
We're doing a Corralejo Reposado vs Chinaco Anejo taste test.
Happy de Septiembre el Décimosexto,
...and let's hope Cathy Freeman wins her gold medal.
She can be Australia's Jesse Owens.
Polls: Gore Has Lead in 3 Key States
LANSING, Mich. (AP) - Algore has gained
the upper hand over Smirk the Hitcher
in Michigan, Illinois and Pennsylvania, according to new polls in several key industrial
states critical to the presidential election.
In a fourth state, Ohio, the two candidates
were roughly even, with Smirk
at 43 percent and eventual winner Algore with 41 percent.
Gore was up by 8 points in Michigan,
45-37; ahead by 15 points in Illinois,
48-33; and had an 18-point bulge (ha ha) in Pennsylvania, 51-33,
Hey Al, is that an 18-point bulge in Pennsylvania
or are you just happy to be running against The Hitcher?
The always-snotty Maureen Dowd has another hatchet piece out.
You see, she's always unfair to everybody, and now it's Smirk's turn.
Let's Fight Back
Yo, B2thaC, word?
Off the top of yer noggin, how many "liberal"
opinion sites can you think of?
I'm talking about sites like Bartcop.com, RackJite and the like, personal,
amateur sites without much, if any, advertising
How many sites like that can you think of? More than five?
If you go to search.yahoo.com and type in
"liberal" and choose
"U.S. Politics/Personal Opinion," you will find a grand total of five sites,
none of which are Bartcop, Rack, Rush Vs. Reality or anybody else I'm familiar with.
Now, if you enter "Conservative" you'll
encounter 46 sites churning out large quantities
of bullshit and dull-witted vitriol. What gives? I don't expect some sort of equity program
for liberal sites, but why are dittomonkeys so heavily represented, while wildly popular
left-leaning sites like yours don't even get a mention? Huh?
As they say in the Navy, "What the fuck, over?"
We should appoint the equivalent of a party chairman.
We need someone who knows about that stuff to be our agent.
We're not making much of a splash in this right-wing cyber world.
There was a time, years ago, when you could put "BartCop" in a search engine
and get over 300 hits, but the last time I tried it I got 46.
I know people will say, "Get off your lazy ass and do it yourself,"
but as I write this,
I'm still in a Mexican Jail, still haven't finished the Colorado trip, still haven't finished
the BartCop in the White House story from 1998 and forget about mail...
I need a time machine.
We have the Olympics,
the World Series isn't far away,
pro and college football is in full stride,
the new TV season is going to start soon,
...what will The Hitcher do to get our attention?
Although he knew he liked the shirt,
Timmy was still unsure whether Governor Bush
really had a "magic rabbit" in his pants.
That came from http://www.nationallampoon.com/
I don't know if I could've made it thru the Nixon years
without National Lampoon Magazine.
Subject: Be nice to Tim
You should be ashamed of your attacks on
the distinguished Mr. Russert.
You are confused because you expected Mr. Russert to "moderate" the debate.
However, Mr. Russert chose to "conserve" or "conservative" the debate instead,
making him its "conservator" or "conservativor".
Those of you expecting a moderator were
simply misinformed, which is not
the responsibility of NBC News, the City of Buffalo, or Meet the Press.
And no matter how much tequila you've had,
I remind you Mr. Russert's
name is not pronounced "Rushert."
Thanks in advance for your cooperation in this matter.
P.S. When *you* have your own TV show, you
should feel free to "liberal"
a Senate debate of your choice.
Lo Phat Ham
Bad news just keeps coming...
Today's Page Two Girl is Tasha Mota
Subject: A Dime(bag)'s Worth of Difference
I saw a great letter to the editor in the
Ft. Lauderdale Sun Sentinel last week.
It went something like this:
Here is the dime's difference between Dubya and Gore:
Al Gore has done his homework,
W. paid someone to do his."
Today's Biggest Smirk Lie
So far, anyway...
"Al Gore is part of an administration that broke campaign finance laws."
Truth: No one in the Clinton Administration has even been
with breaking campaign finance laws.
Perhaps the governor was tired...
LOTS of Crazy Stuff at http://ilovebacon.bla-bla.com/
Subject: I MET Olivia!
Thanks for mentioning the always-gorgeous
Check out the pictures I took of her on and off stage in May - she still looks fabulous!!
She sang at a fund-raiser for Mrs. Clinton in Chicago earlier this summer and
also for the president sometime this year too.
Who would you rather have sing for ya?
Olivia or Lee Greenwood? LOL.
Democrats get the best looking chicks!
Letter from Down Under
Subject: Ted Nugent sucks
LEXINGTON, Kentucky - Last Friday the wife
& I went to see Kiss and the
"Farewell Tour" at Rupp Arena. Ted Nugent was the opening act.
Normally, I don't pay him much attention,
and I figured he'd just do his bit,
talk about "pussy," and get the hell out of the way. About half way through the set,
this asshole starts in :"This next song is for pieces of shit....pieces of shit that drink
and drive, pieces of shit that wanna take away my guns, pieces of shit like Al Gore
and that whore Janet Reno! Our president is a piece of shit!"
He then played a nice little ditty titled
"Kiss My Ass".
Nobody cheered. We did, however, manage to hear a huge "FUCK YOU"
from the back of the joint [ahem]. Ted Nugent, fucking GOP/NRA spokesman.
PS. Kentucky loves BartCop
We had a similar experience years and years ago.
Ted's always been a prick, ("I'd rape a nun if she got in my way") but he didn't
get Hitler-esque until George Bush ordered Randy Qeaver's wife murdered.
Then, like most Republicans, he blamed Bill Clinton for her death.
I forget who, but we went to see a band backing up Nugent back
When the back-up band finished, we were ready to leave, but thought we'd give
Nugent a chance since we'd already paid for our tickets. Ted came out like a clown,
shooting off his bow and arrow and doing other "music-related" stunts.
Anyway, Ted did a solo and held a screeching high note, and held
it, and held it
until I said "screw this" and we left. Many minutes later, as I was unlocking our car
doors in the parking lot, I could still hear over-amped Ted holding that same, lone note.
Maybe he has money in hearing aid stocks.
Thanks for the note.
How about more Lo Phat Ham?
Kate Moss says,
Get a leg up...
Read bartcop.com every day!
Read Previous Issue
Go to bartcop.com