From: leocarr@mediaone.net
Subject: Mr. Clinton & "THE LICK"
What I have not seen anyplace is an explanation
of how the secret service ever, ever
let the asshole Rick THE LICK invade Mrs.
Clinton's space during their recent encounter.
Given their recent encounters, Reagan, Ford,
Carter, I think, and Kennedy
and the hate vented against President Clinton
they do not fuck around. When
I saw the tape of the debate I was amazed
that the asshole Rick THE LICK got
so close in such an antagonistic manner
especially reaching into his coat.
He being a borderline right wing whacko,
one does not know what he would do!
The duty of the secret service is to protect
various and sundry constitutional officers
and their families, it is a requirement
mandated to them by the American People.
They wouldn't let jesus christ get that
close to President Clinton.
I thought it was curious and note worthy.
Regards,
Leo Carr/
Leo,
I hadn't thought of that angle.
Remember:
- Helms said Clinton wouldn't be safe in
Carolina,
- Pissquick of Oklahoma has made some veiled
threats.
- Bob Dole suggested that Clinton had "taken
the people's house from them," when he
OK'd the Secret Service recommendation
that Pennsylvania Avenue be closed to
make it more difficult to
truck-bomb the White House.
- G. Gordon Liddy bragging that when he
shot his wife's firearms, (convicted felons
aren't allowed to own guns, so they
are his wife's guns...) he was shooting at
human-shaped targets with the President
and First lady's pictures on them.
- Liddy suggested "head shots" for federal
agents because, after all,
"If they're wearing vests, you have
to shoot them in the head to be effective."
- Pigboy has charged for years that Clinton, "holds America hostage."
We know they want the Clintons,
and we know no price is too high for them to pay.
Lazio shouldn't have been allowed to rush Hillary that way.
Somebody might need to be fired.
He might've been taking one for the team,
like just the way Ollie's trading partners in Beirut explained
it to them.
They think like that sometimes - the GOP, I mean...
Just think - if this had been a successful assassination, what
explanation could
the Secret Service give for allowing a political extremist to
get to her, other than,
"We had no clue that Republicans were
such violent, religiously-motivated radicals."
That wouldn't fly with a jury.
Next debate?
We find out Lazio was just trying to prove that women should carry
guns cause you
can never tell when a Republican might accidentally go off and
try to kill you.
My sources are telling me that Hillary's polling data is telling
them she'd
go up 6-8 points if she kicks the little oinker in the balls.
Hurry, Debate #2!
Don't be late!
From: mccool.13@osu.edu
Subject: Gads. Can It be Over?!
Dear Bartcop,
Okay, so you've got emails up the kilt (largely
due, in the immediate, to your
being Bush, er, AWOL for an eternity--by
the bye, did you have a gate pass, sir?).
...before we go on, your first half-sentence should get an award,
But look what's seeming to have transpired
while you were on walkabout.
Are these sons-of-bitches folding their
tents?
I haven't seen this type of thing since
Jimmy Carter laid down for Ronnie.
I'm with you, this is a yawner.
I thought Bush was going to put up a fight.
My hits are down, everybody's so bored with the
certain Gore victory.
I'll bet the Olympics gets good ratings this year,
because people are hungry
as hell for some kind of story! They won't
find it in politics this year.
Look here, I have been corresponding with
two cousins, one more conservative than
the other, but both Republicans, who, like
me in reverse, would NEVER vote for a Democrat,
and both have written back today saying
they "were tired of politics."
ha ha
That's GOP for, "Can we not talk about it?"
ha ha
One lives in California, the other in Maryland--both
are
from Lazio Island, er, Long Island. Sometimes
we had electronic fisticuffs.
It usually boiled down to "Buddhist Temple"
and "Dumbya's a dimwit."
I admit to using your web page as a source
for material with which to irk them,
often without proper attribution--especially
the cartoons--but also finding in your
writings the fuel for my own (always persuasive)
arguments.
Your links are quite useful in this effort
as well. And I admit that I would
not have been nearly as prepared to vanquish
them without your able help.
Cunningham and MoPaul and the pros are smart enough
to include their name on the cartoon,
(hint to Whimsey, who'd I'd
like to bring back into the fold but he's so stubborn - wanting
an apology - (gasp!) from BartCop?)
so I think you're OK there.
As far as anything I wrote, don't blame that on me!
But, if they now withdraw, what am I to
do?
Hell, my mind is drifting to the 2004 re-election
scenario.
Will President Gore drop Leiberman type
of thoughts... ?
I just hope President Gore succumbs to an intern - quick! - or comedy's going on haitus.
I'm telling you, these guys are flat-out
retreating.
This makes me somehow discouraged as well.
Can you suggest something we might do to
re-inflate the flaccid Bush-Dick ticket?
I'm thinking Viagra Falls in a barrel,
maybe.
Signed,
Suddenly Also Flaccid
SAF,
ha ha
That was fun to read.
Send more like that.
Algore - Starting to Use the Big Hammer
Two Excerpts:
Staffed by blooded veterans of the Clinton
years—from the “war room” in
Little Rock to the impeachment hearings
in Washington—the Gore campaign is
outmaneuvering and outmanning a Bush
campaign that sometimes seems
to be run from a cigar box in the back
of the old family store.
and
Kitchen commander Ron Klain seemed almost
disappointed by the lack of competition.
“There hasn’t been much incoming,” he
said.
ha ha
Tear him up, Al!
Make it hurt!
From: yoob@yourass.com
Subject: Drudge "Report"
Bartcop,
I was listening to Matt Drudge on the radio...do you ever listen to him?
No.
I might, if he had something to say.
Remember, I listen to Laura 15 hours a week, 15 of Pigboy, plus
Hannity, O'Reilly etc.
Fun, for me, is a Nazi whore, spewing illogical, fantasy-based
religious hatred-for-hire
against the best president any of us have ever seen.
But Drudge just repeats maybe-possibly-potentially-allegedly-true
rumors.
Drudge never has an opinion, does he?
An opinion besides, "the White House wants me dead because
I'm so dangerous."
ha ha
I wish he was on that chart with George Will and Chippy the Chimp.
I wonder how he'd do?
He was just talking about how Alec Baldwin
has vowed to leave the US
if Bush is elected. Drudge's exact quote
was
"Hey, I think I finally found a reason to vote for BUSH!"
Hey...he said it.
Drudge.
A Conservative.
REPUBLICAN.
Said it.
Don't vote for Bush unless you hate Alec
Baldwin.
This was not said by a member of the liberal
media.
This was one of Smirk's own!
Kris
Kris, I like Alec Baldwin - a lot, even - but that's crazy
talk.
We survived Reagan, so we can survive anything.
As far as Drudge's remark, keep this in mind.
He may not be a Republican.
He may just be that rare, 100 percent-pure whore like Rush, who
doesn't even
care about politics, but he's making a million per month pretending
he does.
I don't think Rush is a Republican.
Rush is a disturbed-but-talented, greed-driven whore.
I am dead certain he'd pee on Reagan's grave if he thought that
would get him
an inch closer to a 1-in-100 chance at a 5 percent cut in just
his state tax.
Rush and Drudge built their careers the same way:
Screaming "the sky is falling"
to the trailer-trash ignorati who don't understand that
it's
all an act.
If Bush wins this election, Durdge's sources for juicy dirt dry
up
and Pigboy would retire to "be with his family and play golf."
For their sake, Gore must win.
Great Comedy Quotes
Bush countered, accepting
only one of the commission debates,
while suggesting
two more, "Meet the Press" and "Larry King Live".
This further reinforces
the impression that he's not the sharpest knife in the drawer;
he's more like that
slotted wooden spoon that got caught in the garbage disposal.
-- Will Durst, from motherjones.com
Why was Bette Giuliani-contributor Midler singing at a fund-raiser for Algore?
There will be no review for the film Almost Famous this issue, as promised.
Your ediotr is an idiot.
I assumed that since the major TV/print/radio/magazine publicity
blitz climaxed this week,
the film would actually debut to take advantage of all the buzz
that was generated.
All those dozens of interviews that the stars and writer/director
Cameron Crowe gave last
week must have just been the prelims, because the movie is slated
to bow "later this month."
By the way, isn't Cameron Crowe married
to the better-looking Wilson sister from Heart?
Term Limit Advocate Runs
Again
Slayer of Tom Foley
"likes the power, the perks"
SPOKANE, Wash. (AP) - For the first time
since he reneged on his promise to
serve only three terms, Rep. George Nethercutt
(R-Liar) is at the mercy of the voters.
And his critics aren't letting anyone forget
it as he heads into Tuesday's primary.
TV commercials paid by a national term limits
group blanket eastern Washington.
His appearances are shadowed by the Weasel
King, a costumed critic sent by
term limit supporters, and former Education
Secretary William Bennett,
author of a book on virtue, says Nethercutt
increases cynicism about politics.
I understand this George Nethercutt weasel fellow is very, very
good friends with
Steve Largent (R-Concussion) and Uncle O.J. Watts (R-Pigmentia
Metamorphia)
who, as all America now knows, have raped and murdered their
3-term pledges.
I'm looking forward to Wednesday's morning headlines,
but what I really need is a picture of that guy as the
Weasel King.
Bernie?
Tom?
Wildduckberry Brewery dude?
Or my buddy at the Spokane Intelligencer?
Somebody help me out...
We need that weasel!
As predicted here at bartcop.com
Jack Nicholson, Lara Flynn Boyle End Romance
LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Jack Nicholson and Lara Flynn Boyle have ended
their
year-long romance, the syndicated television show ``Access Hollywood''
says.
A source close to Nicholson told the program that the couple, who went
public with
their romance at last year's Emmys, parted ways over disagreements
about their futures.
Nicholson, 63, was apparently bothered by a recent magazine article
hinting that Boyle, 30,
wanted to marry him, the show said.
From: tlaloc@webzone.net
Subject: Gore, Bush, and Cinco de Mayo
Here's the actual quote.
Bush: "First of all, Cinco
de Mayo is not the independence day.
That's dieciséis de Septiembre, and ..."
Matthews: "What's that in English?"
Bush: "Fifteenth of September." (Dieciséis
de Septiembre = Sept. 16)
He actually pronounced it right, but he
got the translation wrong, which makes
me wonder just how he got the reputation
of being up on Latino issues.
I have that one figured out.
As a rich playboy with a major in drugs
and a minor in alcohol,
Smirk knows when all the Mexican festivals
are held.
Dieciseis, broken down, is Diez y seis (10
and 6 - the y is pronounced like the letter e).
After 16, most of the numbers follow this
type of pattern. But before 16 is another matter.
Fifteen would not be pronounced, Diez y
cinco, it's quince (keen - say)
I knew something was funny.
I knew what I printed for "16" wasn't what Smirk said, so, like
a dumbass,
I figured I was the one that was screwing it up, somehow. I knew
Bush said it,
and I knew may date was right, I just didn't figure on Smirk
getting it wrong.
I'm so stupid!
(Chris Farley!)
Just a little note, I've been volunteering
at Tulsa's Hispanic Festival,
being held at Garnett and 21st, over the
weekend. Today, the Republican
Party had a table set up. Let's just say
it was a little lonely over there.
I was disappointed though that the demos
didn't bother to show up.
James Wiske
Sabutai!
Where were you guys?
Actually, we went to that.
I was hoping for more food booths.
We only saw four and two weren't Mexican food.
Maybe they'll do this every year and it'll grow.
Tell them for next year they need to have a luxury tequila-tasting
booth.
You can get temporary liquor permits.
Great Republican Quotes
"Unless there's a bump in the road,
Gore will win Pennsylvania and Florida."
-- Mort Zuckerman, Chief
Nut at US News & Whore Report
...but Mort,
You mean "Love Canal," "Buddhist temple," "Love Story'
and "RATS"
aren't winning issues for Smirk in Pennsylvania and Florida?
What's wrong with those people?
ha ha
From: JennyQ1@aol.com
Subject: Rick-the-Wifebeater Lick
I heard one of the babbling heads say "nobody
would ever accuse Rick the Lick
of invading his opponent's personal space
if Hillary were a man..."
True.
Because we know if Hillary were a man,
Rick-the-Sniveling, Woman-bullying-Punk-Lick
would never have pulled that stunt.
ha ha
Egg-cellent point, as Matt Drudge might say.
Ladies and gentlemen, JennyQ is the creator of this gem:
From: daennera@hotmail.com
Subject: W's new strategy
Hey Bart,
Nothing has made me more cheerful than
to see DUMBYA slipping all
the way up to the olympics. He even resorted
to conceding to Gore on the
debate issue...well, he knew it was killing
him, so he had to make a move.
Even after the weeks of enjoyable gaffes
and slip ups, he's back to his
obnoxious snooty personality.
His new strategy is simple.
We're not going to make this a personality
contest anymore
( people aren't as stupid as I originally
thought)
but we're going to talk
(or mangle words and ideas in his case)
about issues.
Did anyone catch the latest?
He actually accused Gore's budget of not
adding up.
Mr. "It's clearly a budget, it has alot
of numbers in it" is actually attacking Gore's budget.
ha ha
Like the dumbass has any credibility on
this subject whatsoever.
He can't even coherently explain his own
tax mess,
let alone attack someone else where numbers
are concerned.
I'm so looking forward to the debates.
Unless his staff can adequately prepare him for them
(which I highly doubt), we're in for the
best political entertainment in years.
Dae
I can't wait!
October 3 - hurry fast!
It's Not Easy Being Green
by George W Bush
From: watsmata4u@monmouth.com
Winner of bartcop.com's Survivor
Corvette
Subject: NY debate
One NY radio voice suggested Hillary bring
a can of Mace with her
to the next debate to keep the little bastard
away.
ha ha
That, or kick him in the
balls...
Rules of debate say no props and you have
to stay behind your podium.
Russert sat there like a bump on a log
while Little Ricky broke both rules.
In NY, he could be arrested for assault
for simply touching her hand like he did.
Rich, good point.
Richard Reeves (Universal Press) says they had an agreement in
writing,
to have no props of any kind. Presumably, Lazio
signed that agreement,
so Hillary (and Harold Ickes) must be saving that proof that
Lazio's word
is no good to run after his next personal attack on her. All
they need to do
is run a commercial showing the document with his signature and
this:
Lazio: "Don't
read it, just sign it!"
As for Danny Goldberg...he was at the senate
hearings on the entertainment
industry and he made a comment in his speech
about why should you be
concerned about profanity in CD's when
your own party's nominee stands
in public and refers to people as "assholes."
Good points, both.
Thanks for sending 'em.
Flynt Preparing October Surprise for Bush
He's back.
Investigative pornographer Larry Flynt, whose million-dollar
offer for dirt
on Republicans two years ago ended in the resignation of Bob
Livingston,
has been on talk radio stations around the country claiming he
has proof
that a woman aborted a Baby Smirk some 30 years ago.
Flynt was holding Smirk accountable for his past actions just
last week on
liberal Alan Colmes radio program broadcast by New York's WEVD.
The Republicans, already in a panic at Smirk's Titanic-y poll
numbers,
are terribly concerned that lightning is about to strike them
a third time..
A few things need to be remembered.
Flynt was responsible for uncovering the dishonesty and hypocrisy
of the
Clinton cock-grabbers two years ago when he proved half the married
House managers had current girlfriends or paid for past abortions
during
the impeachment showdown that resulted in the Senate finding
Clinton
not guilty of even a single misdemeanor.
Sidebar:
By the way,
Did the Senate ever find
Presidents Reagan or Bush not guilty of crimes?
No, they did not...
ha ha
Clinton has a document signed
by 100 senators saying he's innocent,
yet Reagan and Bush failed
to produce a similar document during their terms.
Flynt's ads, asking for the truth about Republican Congressmen
and Senators
in the middle of their judicial impeachment process, was nothing
short of
sauce for the gander. The American voter saw a personal witch-hunt
turn
into a morality play about minding one's own fucking business.
Now Flynt, with his tsunami of real evidence, is going to expose
The
Hitcher
as the lazy, good-for-nothing, rich & spoiled playboy-jerk,
who's trying to
get elected to a job he couldn't handle with size 22 oven mits.
Despite says "there's no doubt the story is true," just as every
allegation he
made durting impeachment turned out to be 100% accurate, making
him
the envy of the New York Whore Times, the Dallas Morning Whore,
the Whore Street Journal and the Arkansas Whore Gazette.
Flynt's magazine has yet to print the story in his own publication,
prefering
to dangle it like the Sword of Damoclese above the idiot Smirk's
head.
.
The "Austin powers," are crapping their pants big-time over this
latest in a
whole series of major gaffes from the young Bush boy. Flynt
has been all
over the airwaves with his accusation, which, we must point out
in all fairness,
the Bush campaign has refused to directly deny. And Flynt admits
up-front
to offering the lady in question another million-dollar jackpot
to tell her story,
"because threatening women with death in prison is so
Kenneth-Starr."
"I hope she'll come forward while there's an opportunity for her
to get this
money because if she waits, she'll lose it," Flynt told Alan
Colmes (D-Weak)
last week, in a thinly veiled reference to his Election Day deadline.
"Mr. Constitution," spent an hour with Colmes detailing his evidence
and
complaining about the mainstream press' refusal to print anything
negative
about the Lothario past of the unqualified Hitcher.
"We've located four of the girl's friends who knew about the romance,
the pregnancy and the abortion. We've even interviewed the doctor,"
Flynt told the talk host with the worst debating skills in America.
The abortion took place in the early 1970s, Flynt said, the decade
the
young Bush boy refuses to discuss or even acknowledge..
In addition to interviewing the Houston doctor, Flynt's
investigators have
located some girlfriends who will confirm the abortion story.
"The story is true," the disabled, wheelchair-bound publisher
told Colmes.
Reminder: The same NRA
member who shot Flynt also shot Vernon Jordan.
"It's gonna come out, sooner or later. Why not find out the truth
before
we elect the man to a four-year term?" Flynt asked.
"What we're working on now is the family; her family and her
husband's family.
All we want is for Governor Bush to tell us the simple truth."
Flynt claims that both the New York Whore Times and the Los Angeles
Whore
Times are in hot pursuit of the woman, who now lives in Corpus
Christi, Texas.
He argues that his Bush abortion story is at least fifty times
more credible than
the silly, unfounded rumor that Clinton fathered a black child
with a crack addict
in Little Rock, and reminded Colmes's listeners that the New
York Whore Times
ran that lie above the fold on the first page "because that wild-ass
claim was made
by Matt Drudge, (a close, close, close personal friend
of Rush Limb) a man who
spoon-fed the gullible national media for two years with Clinton
information
that has been proven wrong again and again and again."
"I," Flynt reminded, "have never made an allegation that didn't prove to be true."
All the Sunday shows I've seen so far pretty much agree that The Lick
screwed himself to death doing his snotty-bastard act in
his debate with Hillary.
But, right after telling the truth about The Lick, the
pundits had to ridicule the idea
that it's somehow rude to invade someone's "personal space."
I don't know how things work in wear-a-skirt Buffalo, New York,
but I guarantee
in Oklahoma or Texas, when you invade someone's "personal space,"
you're daring that son-of-a-bitch to push you back out of it.
Yeah, I owned a bar for a few years.
When you cross that line, when you "get into someone's face,
"
that's an invitation that may be your ass if you don't handle
things the right way.
In Oklahoma, when you pull a stunt like that, you should expect
a beer bottle
or pitcher upside the head to begin negotiations on how
to end it.
Old-timers remember a Jim Croce lyric that went,
"You don't tug on Superman's cape, you
don't spit into the wind.
You don't pull the mask off the
the old Lone Ranger,
and you don't mess around with
Hillary's personal space."
Wanna bet he doesn't pull that shit a second time?
Hillary owes Lazio, and I'm not sure that's an envious
position to be in.
I predict in their next debate, The Lick stays where he belongs.
On today's This Whore with Sam & Cokie, we saw
a sparring session
between the man who is wrong more often than Chippy the Chimp,
George Will.
and former Led Zeppelin attorney Danny Goldberg. I know Goldberg
is an excellent attorney because he was responsible for containing
the
damages and lawsuits caused by "rabble-rousing" of the band.
While Goldberg was their attorney, not a single member of Led
Zeppelin
ever spent more than a few hours in jail - he's that good.
Representing the legal interests of Zeppelin in the seventies
was almost as
demanding as the job charged to Joe Lockhart from 1998-2000.
George tried to get Goldberg to comdemn the freedom of ideas that
flows
between an artist or performer and the American free-enterprise
marketplace.
Every question Will asked Goldberg contained the words, "Hitler"
or "cigarettes."
As everyone but the white-power freaks know, Hitler killed millions
of people,
and cigarettes continue to kill 400,000 people a year,
but rap records have, in themselves, never killed anybody.
Will continued to try to pound home the point:
"Hollywood is responsible for raising
my kids - not me," Will insisted.
Goldberg, very calmly, told George Will that his opinion was horseshit
and they both knew it and he should get off his high horse and
f-off..
(Perhaps, in the coming weeks, abc.com might provide a transcript?)
Danny Goldberg is a very good attorney.
That's why he was hired 27 years ago.
Guest Editorial
From: skunkwks@mediaone.net
Subject: Cheney
BC,
Found an interesting article on the NYT website about Cheney.
http://www.nytimes.com/2000/09/16/politics/16CHEN.html
Here are some highlights, and what it seems to be saying:
"In my view Al Gore is not yet ready
for the big chair," he told the
Economic Club of Grand Rapids, Mich.,
on Wednesday.
(So, vote for Smirk, at least he's ready for the job)
He criticized Mr. Gore's economic proposals by saying that "some
people
call his plan a `Swiss cheese budget'
because it has so many holes in it."
(Bush, Rove and Barbour have all said that.)
On Thursday in a Cleveland suburb, he accused Mr. Gore of hypocrisy
for his
stance against violence in entertainment.
"I find it a little hard to understand
how, Gore and Lieberman can go out
publicly and castigate Hollywood and
the music industry for the kinds of
material they produce, then go to their
homes and hold fund-raisers and
schmooze with them as they collect millions
of dollars."
(You'll never hear Bush or me criticize BIG OIL.
When WE get bought, we STAY bought)
"You've got to keep banging away at your
objectives and your message, and
not be blown by the winds of the moment
on any given issue, any given day,"
That's what's called for here. Polls
go up, polls go down. Stuff happens.
You've got to be able to maintain your
focus and keep plowing ahead."
(The voters may want health care, but Rush, Bush and I need tax
cuts)
This week, Mr. Cheney voiced some of his frustrations with the
press.
"It's always fascinating for me to watch
and see that those of us who get
in the arena - put our names on the
ballot, go out and slug it out every day
for something we believe in - spend
all of our time then being critiqued by
people who have never been in the arena,
never will get in the arena, sit in
the bleachers and do well second-guessing
what we're all about,"
he said in Michigan, responding to a member of the Economic Club
who had asked him about bias in the media.
(Only candidates should be allowed to write newspaper articles)
"It's much easier, frankly, to cover
some of the trivial stuff that from time
to time seems to dominate when we get
one these feeding frenzies going.
But it is unfortunate, I think, because
what happens is it does not lead
to informed debate and dialogue. It
means you've got this huge news
mechanism, a media mechanism, discussing
trivia."
(Why must they discuss things like our voting records and our
income,
instead of the color of Gore's suits?)
Kerrry Wentworth
Today's Page Two Girl is Claudia Mason
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