Bob Barr (R-Paid for Abortion) Your Time is Up
I told you that Marion Jones was lightning.
Check this out:
Great True Quotes
Bush said the reserves are only used for emergency.
Like when he used the reserves to get out of Vietnam!
Thanks to email@example.com
Today's Page Two Girl is Vanessa Paradis
Jeb Admits that DubYa May Lose Florida
Orlando-- Florida Governor Jeb Bush said his brother Smirk may
not carry Florida
and that his campaign is calculating how to win without the state's 25 electoral votes.
"Yeah, I'm concerned," Jeb Bush told reporters on his brother's campaign
"I'm always concerned. But, I think he can still win without carrying Florida."
The Florida governor's comments contrast with his previous predictions
victory and come as numerous state-wide polls show Gore has made the race
in Florida too close to call. And with Bush trailing Gore in most national polls,
the Bush people see Florida as a vital component needed to win.
"Frankly, I'd prefer it not to be this way," the Florida governor said.
Subject: Founders' Religions
I thought your readers might find this site interesting
(http://www.earlyamerica.com/review/summer97/secular.html) as it proves
the Family Research Council's accusations absolutely false that the Founding Fathers
wanted our country to embrace only Christianity.
In fact, Washington and Franklin embraced
Deism (God as an absentee landlord - create
the Earth, then take a vacation until the end of time, with no interest in what happens in between),
Adams was a notorious Unitarian, and Paine, Madison, Jefferson holding no religious affiliations
(they all criticized Christianity). I wonder how smart these "family researchers" could be if a
16 year old with one year of European History and two weeks of U.S. History under her belt
could refute their arguments with one link on the Internet. I'm sure my history class will yield
plenty more interesting tidbits, and I'll be happy to send them along.
That was good, thanks.
Send along more tidbits like that.
You're only 16?
Glad you're on the side of science and logic.
Christopher Hitchens should be married to Maureen Dowd.
Like Dowd, Hitchens hates everybody.
And the son-of-a-bitch will say anything.
Anyone that calls Hillary and Nancy Reagan and Mother
probably has missed some appointments with his therapist.
Anyway, he's turned that incredible Hose of Hate on Smirk,
so we might as well enjoy it, because he'll be doing Gore next week.
Buckle up, and hang on
WHY DUBYA CAN'T READ
-- CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS
I once knew a fairly intelligent man who
disconcerted me one day by denouncing
the arbitrary domination of the then-Soviet Union by a sinister-sounding body
named "the Politurbo." Allowance could be made in his case; not everybody
understood the abbreviations of "agitprop" and the crude origins of Com-speak.
Had the term been spelled out as "Political Bureau" I am sure he would have
got there easily in the end. But what unhorsed me at the time was this:
He must have seen the word "Politburo" in print many times, and also heard
it spoken very often, without ever registering the connection.
The term for this failure of mental word-processing
is dyslexia, and it can occur
in mild and severe forms. I used to have the job of tutoring a dyslexic
child, and I know something about the symptoms. So I kicked myself hard
when I read the profile of Governor George W. Bush, by my friend and colleague
Gail Sheehy, in this month's Vanity Fair. All those jokes and cartoons and
websites about his gaffes, bungles and malapropisms? We've been unknowingly
teasing the afflicted. The poor guy is obviously dyslexic, and dyslexic
to the point of near-illiteracy. Numerous experts and friends of the dynasty
give Sheehy their considered verdict to this effect.
The symptoms and clues have been staring
us in the face for some time. Early in
the campaign, Bush said that he did indeed crack the odd book and was even at
that moment absorbed by James Chace's biography of Dean Acheson.
But when asked to report anything that was
in the damn volume, the governor
pulled up an empty net. His brother Neil is an admitted dyslexic. His mother has
long been a patron of various foundations and charities associated with dyslexia.
How plain it all now seems.
The rhetorical and linguistic train wrecks
in the speeches of Reagan and Bush Senior
were of a different quality, arising variously from hysterical lying, brutish ignorance,
senile decay and cultural deprivation. But the problem was chiefly syntactical.
The additional humiliations of Dubya derive
from utter failures of word recognition.
A man who has somehow got this far in politics and refers to "tacular" weapons is
unclear (or do I mean nuclear?) on the concept.
In free-trade language, tariffs and barriers
are not necessarily conterminous,
but in no circumstance are they "terriers." To use "vile" for "viable" might look like
misfortune, but to employ "inebriating" for "enthralling" looks like carelessness,
especially in someone with his booze and cocaine record. Bush doesn't want our
enemies to "hold us hostile"; I must say I agree with what I'm sure he didn't mean to say.
Confusing "handcuffs" with "cufflinks" might
be a yuppie slip;
at any rate it presumably doesn't mean softness on crime.
As for "Reading is the basics of all learning," well, there you are.
Does any of this matter? Of course it does.
Bush has already claimed with hand on heart that he personally scrutinized the death-row
appeals of more than a hundred condemned wretches in the shocking Texas prison system;
we now have to face the fact that he not only did not review the clemency petitions but
could not have read them even if he wanted to.
Aides now remember the times they presented
the governor or the candidate with that crucial
briefing paper, only to see him toss it on the desk and demand a crisp, verbal, "bottom line"
summary of its contents. Decisive, right? Wrong.
I know from my teaching experience that
nature very often compensates the dyslexic
with a higher IQ or some grant of intuitive intelligence.
If this is true for Bush it hasn't yet become
obvious; his Texas chief of staff, Clay Johnson,
told Gail Sheehy that the attention span of his boss is, not to euphemize matters overmuch,
somewhere in the vicinity of fifteen minutes. In other words, and as far as we know,
he has only the downside of his difficulty, which is attention-deficit disorder.
In the high noon of the age of information, the Republican Party packages and
presents a provincial ignoramus who can neither read nor write. Woof.
But now here's another amazing thing. Nelson
Rockefeller was dyslexic, though nobody knew
it until after he'd become Vice President. Ronald Reagan's neurons and synapses were being
devoured by Alzheimer's from at least... well, I'd say 1982 from personal observation,
though experts differ. Bill Clinton was understood by some of the closest of his circle,
including his awful wife, to be a pathological liar and sexual delinquent when he was still
lucky enough to be governor of Arkansas. Usually, these and many other disqualifications,
like Nixon's alcoholism, await the patient, too-late forensic attention of the court historians.
Yet here's a man whose aides and flacks
are visibly white-lipped every time he opens his mouth,
and who should be seeking remedial care but is instead seeking the presidential therapy that he
doesn't need, and nobody says a word. Nobody had the poor taste to follow up Gail Sheehy's findings.
Ah, but Bush has a disability.... Can that
From "compassionate conservatism" to compassion for the conservative?
Well, I'm ready to feel compassion for him. I want him to get all the help he needs
(which will probably involve him in emulating his flabbergasting running mate and moving his
official residence to another and more compassionate state). But I think, in presidential terms,
we should leave this child back and let him catch up in his own special way at some later date.
Meanwhile, the press and the Democrats should
either stop citing and mocking the flubs or
come right out and say what they mean. A danger of heartlessness, even of callousness, exists.
Seeking to explain away his wastrel life and his obnoxious manner--nagging problems that
persisted until his mid-40s--Bush invites us to believe that he mutated into finer personhood
after having a personal encounter with God. The pious toads at the head of the Democratic
ticket are full of unction at this and any other manifestation of hypocrisy.
In a farcical recent moment, Bush contradicted
his own mother, who claimed he'd always read
his Bible as a youngster, by telling the Washington Post that he'd read no such thing.
So--what if he had meant to say all along that he'd found a personal "dog"?
The time to clear this up is now.
Margaret Shemo Smacks She-Thing "upside the head"
by Garry Wills
George W. Bush has said he will not go negative in this race, but he just
an ad that in effect calls Al Gore a liar -- and the ad itself lies.
Nor is it the first one. We heard recently of an ad that was made, scheduled,
ready for broadcast when Bush himself killed it at the last minute. It had Gore
saying that he did not think President Clinton had ever lied. The ad made it seem
that Gore was discussing the Monica Lewinsky situation, where the president did lie.
But the Gore guote was actually from before the Lewinsky lie. The interesting thing
about this ad was that, early on, it had been conceived and approved all the way to
airtime by the team Bush has backing him.
A slip, you might say, that Bush remedied. But exactly the same misuse
information did go out without Bush's objection from the same source. A press
release sent out a picture of Al Gore at the notorious Buddhist temple, and sitting at
the same table was Maria Hsia, who was later convicted of gathering illegal
donations. The caption to the picture quoted Gore as saying that he did not recall
seeing Hsia at the event. The trouble is, he was talking about a different event.
Applying a quote from one situation and presenting it as arising at a later one is
apparently a settled tactic with the Republican National Committee.
The picture and the caption were run in The Washington Times. When the
about the handout was pointed out (by George magazine) to the Times columnist
who ran it, he had to admit: "I thought I had a good one here; obviously, I didn't." He
had been deceived, before he deceived others. The irony here is that the ads are
meant to portray Gore as not telling the truth, but the real deception is in the ads
James Burnett, writing in George, says that the RNC has put together a
of "opposition research" ("oppo") specialists -- 31 at present count -- that is going
over the record of all Al Gore's recorded statements. They have a little warehouse
of Gore's TV appearances, and they sift them for use throughout the campaign. So
while Bush is saying he won't be negative, he has a hit team of negativity artists all
poised to strike.
This should not be surprising from the party that, prompted by Lee Atwater
Roger Aisles, made negative campaigning a fine-tuned instrument of destruction in
the first George Bush's campaign, the party that used the racially inflammatory
Willie Horton ad against Michael Dukakis, the party that went to the Newt Gingrich
school in the matter of slash-and-burn tactics.
The fascinating thing is that, with all their gathered material to draw
on, the new
team of "oppo" operatives has not been able to come up with a truthful presentation
of Gore's weakness. They have had to fake captions and misdate statements in
order to be negative enough to suit their tradition.
The latest ad is another example of this. It quotes Gore as saying, "I
initiative in creating the Internet" -- a statement the Republicans most often
misquote to make him say what he has never said: "I invented the Internet." The ad
makes the one claim equivalent to the other by having a woman's voice-over say,
"Yeah, and I invented the remote control," slyly inserting the word "invent" into the
situation just as the wrong quotes were put under The Washington Times picture
and inserted into the ad stopped at the last minute. The only way the Bush people
seem able to call Gore a liar is by lying themselves.
Bush's campaign director, Karen Hughes, says the ad is not negative because
so funny -- "I laughed out loud at it" -- as if the aim were not even political but
simply to contribute to the gaiety of nations. Either she has a low laugh threshold or
she is lying, too.
Subject: Ask BartCop
I was wondering…
With Vice President Al Gore's resounding
rise in the polls,
has Dan Burton (R-Loser) started to draft impeachment legislation?
Your #1 fan in Joe Lieberman's home state.
Yes, but when Gore takes the oath,
Henry Waxman will become chairman.
Julia Roberts says
Get a Leg Up...
Read bartcop.com every day!
Is my girl Cathy Freeman running against Marion Jones?
I sure hope not.
That Marion Jones is lightning.
Did you see her run last night in the pre-lims?
There was Marion out front, then the other nine all bunched up a few yards behind her.
Are the men faster than Marion Jones?
She's just impossible.
She has an afterburner on her ass, the flame is about 15 feet long.
Skisics said he thought Cathy was running Monday night.
Let's hope Marion Jones is in a different weight class or something...
Check out Drudge's screaming headline...("allegations have been made..")
Let's look at the facts:
1. Practice tapes and documents were sent from Austin DIRECTLY to Gore's prep guy, Downey.
2. Downey turned the material over to the FBI
3. Bush's camp immediately said there would
be NO internal investigation and that ALL
who had access to the materials were TOP LEVEL officials in the campaign.
4. Downey turned the material over to the FBI
5. Bush's camp now claims to believe it was a Gore "mole"
Let's see...a Gore "mole" obtains the material,
sends it to Downey, and then
Downey turns it over to the FBI?
This doesn't add up.
What does add up is........
One of the "Top Officials" in Bush's camp
sent the materials not expecting
Downey to turn them over. The materials were a genuine but benign debate
tape and some FAKE DEBATE STRATEGY documents.
This was done to throw Gore off, not as
a ploy to later point a finger at
Gore for having the materials (after all, how would Bush's people KNOW he had
them..this accusation would get their hands dirty).
The Bushies didn't expect Gore's guy to
turn the material over, and now that
he has they are trying to deflect attention from their own campaign.
This is VERY INTERESTING and potentially HUEUEUEUEGE
Great GOP Quotes
"There's just no reason for panic at
-- Rep. Thomas M. Davis III (Va.), who chairs the House GOP's campaign arm.
Of course there is, or you wouldn't be trying to stop the panic.
here's a lil ditty fer ya.....
Laff riot? President Clinton was quite the cutup during Tuesday
night's book party for former White House aide Paul Begala's
"Is Our Children Learning? The Case Against George W. Bush."
"I just got off the phone with Al Gore," Clinton told the author
at West 24,
James Carville's new restaurant, "and Al wanted me to ask,
'Are your book selling?'
"Then the president grabbed one of the promotional posters and inscribed
"Paul, I lernd a lot frum yer book."
Washington Post - 21 September 2000
- The Reliable Source
A Note from our Friend Bojan
You need to read this.
It may be the best, funniest letter ever on bartcop.com
Hey, Bart, do you get a kick out of using
a typo for "editor" all the goddamn time?
What's an "editor?"
Great GOP Quotes
"We've been caught in a Gore riptide. I felt
like I'm pulling candidates
out of the water into lifeboats. Hopefully the worst is behind us."
-- GOP pollster John McLaughlin, working in a number of congressional races.
Can we get Barbara Streisand to sing, "Happy Days are here again?"
Subject: Great Bush
Q: As a child, what was little Georgie W Bush's biggest fear?
A: The Subliminable Snowman!
NBC to Air Baseball, Not Debates
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - NBC said on Friday
it will broadcast baseball instead
of the first showdown between President-Elect Gore and The Hitcher Bush.
NBC may also preempt coverage of the final debate in St. Louis in favor of baseball.
I see their point.
Without that prick Russert, nobody will be asking about Clinton's cock,
so what possible news value could the debates hold for NBC?
Sent in by Tamara Baker:
Rogan, Barr Expected to Lose House Seats
JIM ROGAN (House Manager - Prick) EXPECTED TO LOSE
"Rogan's district once was a GOP fortress,
but Republicans have been moving away.
Democrats now have a 45%-37% registration edge. Rogan squeaked to his first term
in 1996 with 50.1% of the vote. He was re-elected in 1998 with 50.7%."
"'Jim Rogan has been overtaken by demographics,'
says Sherry Bebitch Jeffe,
a political science professor at California's Claremont Graduate University.
'I expect he will lose this seat.'"
ONLY 41% SAY BARR
"The race between Congressman Bob Barr (R-Clinton's
Cock) and his opponent,
Roger Kahn, is becoming more interesting every day. A recent poll shows Barr has
fallen below the 50% threshold in the 7th District, with 47% support. Mr. Kahn has 41%.
What makes this all interesting is that
12% of registered voters are undecided.
Traditionally, undecided voters this late in a campaign when it involves an incumbent
usually means they will end up voting for the challenger. Only 41% say Barr
'deserves to be re-elected,' while 46% say it's 'timefor someone new' as Congressman.
I think it's time for everyone to give serious thought to two things:
A. Starting today, put a dollar a day aside so you can
buy a bottle of Chinaco Anejo
for the big party the night of November 7th. This could be a very special night.
I don't really believe this, but it's possible the GOP may finally understand that
as long as they are the cock-grabbing, white-power, religio-wacko sex police who
hate blacks, gays and women, and they aren't going to win any more elections
until they knock it the fuck off.
If this was a Hollywood movie, some half-intelligent
Republican would stand up
and say, "Isn't it time we stopped the hate?" But nooooooooooooooo.
B. Asking the boss if you can take a vacation day November 8th.
November 7th may be a night to remember.
Of course, you'll be right here watching the returns, right?
Party at bartcop.com that night!
Subject: IDEA FOR A BUMPER STICKER
BUSH FOR PREDISENT
Dave from Sacramento
Iran Contra and Wen Ho Lee
Click Here for the official version
Click Here for the permanant version (same thing)
Bush's Daddy looks awfully guilty...
The pinhead and the big tittied golddigger.
Guilt by Innuendo
"All presidents entertain, but
have brought White House entertainment to new heights."
-- Alan Greenspan's wife, Andrea.
You say that like it's a bad thing.
If the president is not allowed to have friends over for dinner,
just write the specifics into law and if he breaks that law, impeach him.
You press whiners are upset that the Cock Hunt is slowing down, and you can't find
enough evidence to charge him with anything besides kicking House manger-ass,
so you bastards fabricate a "scandal" by pretending there's something wrong
with the president having a few friends over for dinner and a movie.
Hey, press - blow me!
By the way,
when the Clintons have friends over for dinner these days,
what's on the menu?
They're having Fried Filet
The Clintons took Robert Ray, prick extraordinaire, sliced
his hall monitor-ass into
long strips and fried him up to be served to their friends from back home in Arkansas.
Bill had a helper, too.
Hillary whipped up some of her special Castle Grande Sauce.
Goddamn, have you ever tasted Hillary's Castle Grande Sauce?
When Hillary gets out the Castle Grande Sauce, the party
Hillary was all smiles as she ladled Sauce over the stripped-and-fried Filet o' Ray.
I understand the gang finished him off with a nice Chianti.
They're letting you off easy this time, boy.
Try indicting Bill after he leaves office!
Hillary will see to it that you take a wet nap with the others.
Yeah - a year from now, I'd be surprised if Hardon Kenneth is
Judas Stephie Maximus may also become fish food, as well as Dick-the-toe-sucker.
I think maybe a "Big Pussy boat ride" might be in order for this trio.
Maybe Hillary will force a couple of shots of Jose Cuervo Gold
down their throats just before she makes them eat hot lead.
You know, Mr Ray...
with Starr, Judas and Morris at the bottom of the ocean,
if they had a fourth, you motherless huns could play bridge for all eternity.
...you play bridge, Mr. Ray?
Poor Matt Drudge
He's so desperate to be relevant without a stained dress.
Check out this "amazing exclusive" that only Matt could dig up:
White House spokesman Joe Lockhart confirmed
a DRUDGE REPORT EXCLUSIVE
that alleged financial contributors to the first lady's campaign have stayed at the
White House, but he dismissed the notion that the first lady did anything improper.
Gee, Matt, ...I'm so jealous.
You really pinned them down with your detective skills, Matt.
Tell us, Matt, can your "super-secret" moles find out if
Chelsea's friends were invited to her birthday party, too?
That'd be a big scoop for you, Jimmy Olsen.
Drudge also has a "big scoop" about the Smirk tapes that were
His "big scoop" is only about 75 words long, and it contains these:
ABC NEWS is said to have
is alleged to
sketchy on details
according to a witness,
according to a newsroom source
using confidential information
lawyers are involved...
everybody knew about it
Christ, Kahoutek could fly through each of those gaps.
I could write a story a day about "a source," sketchy on details,
who is allegedly
using confidential information about people who may have knowledge about
something ABC news is said to have been involved with concerning lawyers...
Remember how many wild rumors Woodward and Bernstein heard
but wouldn't print unless they could get a second source to back it up?
Did they ever print a sentence that had the word, "maybe" in it six times?
Today's Page Two Girl
Subject: Stock market story
i just wanted to point out that the precipitous drop ABC was reporting
morning is 1% of the Market. Maybe when that moron Reagan was president
120 points meant something but today we have the Econominator as President
and 8 years of unprecedented growth. i guess ABWhore is just longing for
the good old days of the horse and buggy economy.
They know the economy like Limpwadd knows the truth.
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