Volume 330 - Take the Damn Boat

 November 16, 2000

 Marc Perkel is going to save the US Constitution

 Click  Here

 ha ha

 Go, Marc!

From: Simmons Maj Phillip E

Subject: You are creating quite a following here at the MEU...

MEU is Marine Expeditionary Unit.  It is a composite fighting unit consisting of
a reinforced infantry battalion (reinforced with a tank platoon, an Light Armor
Vehicle Company, an Artillery Battery, and a Assault Amphibious Vehicle company.

There is also a composite squadron (consisting of rotary and fixed wing aircraft)
and a service support element (the beans, bullets and band aids).  This is the smallest
maneuver warfare element the Marine Corps fights with.

We are part of the command element...the staff of the MEU commander...and
your page has created quite a stir...but I will say has gotten quite a few hits...

I gather recent events have been good for traffic...keep up the good work,
love the no advertising thing...adds credibility in mind...




Tell the boys (got any women?) BartCop is behind them!
My counter says I'm getting 30 hits a day from MIL domains.
That's not a lot, but - for a liberal - I'm happy with that figure.

Don't know if you're a long-time reader, but I used to approve applications
for car loans. If a guy listed the service as a previous job, I pushed harder
for him to get that car. If he was currently in the service - he got the car.

To some, that makes me a pinko affirmative-action, set-aside liberal giving
some people preference over others, but fuck what people think.
I think you guys deserve a break and a raise.
When you get out, you deserve home loans and GI Bill etc etc.
You fight for us, we should fight for you.

I'll bet there's not even two percent of America who's ever spent Christmas
in a wet fucking tent, colder than a mother-effer while Ol' BartCop was cozy
and warm in my home, sipping on my fancy tequila, living the good life.

A shot of Chinaco for you guys!
The sentinels of freedom!

Hey - if you'd like to write some stuff to go on  bartcop.com
just send it in and I'll print it. Tell us about some places you've been.
Tell us some funny stories and some not-so funny stories.

I'd like to hear them.

...and a big raise for you guys while we have the money!
Smirk's tax cut for the super-rich can wait till you guys get a big-ass piece of the pie.

How about a bonus Page Two Girl for you guys?

 How low will Tom Delay go?

 Click  Here

From: dmbradford@altavista.com

Subject: Quick Suggestion

I am a new fan of your site and I'd like to see a FAQ.
Specifically I don't always understand the nicknames you use.
For example, I understand "Doc Meng" is Dr. Laura, but I don't get the reference.

I'd also kinda like to see a search function.
That would help new fans like myself with catching up too.

Love your site, keep up the good work.
It's really nice to see a leftie throwing some big rocks for a change.


David, thanks.
The Doc meng thing is from waaaay back.
When I first thought of the spread-legged, LA She-Thing as a Nazi doctor,
I thought of Josef Mengele, the only other Nazi doctor.

I agree about the FAQ.
I know people are tired of me asking for help, but it would take time for me
to whip that FAQ together plus, I may be too close to the trees to do it right.
Besides Doc Meng, I'm not sure what else should be on the list.

I'm sure it's confusing for a new reader to see a reference to
"Doc Meng" or "the Methane Factory," but I wouldn't know how
to assemble that list because I know what all the slurs mean :)

There is a search engine on the main page, but it's ...imperfect.
Sometimes I can type in "tequila" or "Las Vegas" and it comes up empty
but trust me, there's lots tequila and Vegas stories.

Thanks, and I hope you stick around.


 From:  stubby_rodriguez@yahoo.com

 Subject: Right in front of our eyes

 Bush supporters love to ridicule the 19,000 Palm Beach voters
 who didn't fill out their ballots  correctly.

 The reason?
 Because they are Gore voters.

 Yet, as soon as they admit that they were Gore voters,
 they admit that Gore should have won Florida.

 So I say, please heap on the ridicule,
 keep telling everyone how Gore should have won.


 Stubby, excellent observation.
 Far as I know, you're the first to see the obvious.

 Well done, I will pass that on to the Gore administration.
 If you hear it for the first time tomorrow - they got the message.

 Your president and your country thank you :)

                   Click on the picture.

 ha ha


 ha ha

I finally found which mailbox BrainSmasher was sending the columns to.
The rants should be posted more quickly from now on.

From: jhigdon168@ao.com

Subject: The Drinking Man's Recap

Click  Here

 Ediotr's Note: It doesn't get any funnier than this.

 Larry Klayman wants a piece of Conason and Lyons?

 “Authors” Who Wrote “The Hunting Of The President” Reportedly On
  Campaign To Destroy Conservatives To Make Way For Hillary And Bill’s
  Return To The White House In 2004

 (Washington, DC) - Today, Judicial Watch announced that it would closely monitor of
  the alleged “shady” connections of Joe Conason and Gene Lyons, who apparently are
  planning a campaign to destroy conservatives on behalf of operatives of the Clinton-Gore
  White House. With Hillary’s victory in New York, it is now apparent that she and Bill
  intend to make a run for the presidency in 2004.

 While Judicial Watch takes no positions on elections, it is clear that the “campaign of terror”
 practiced by the Clinton-Gore White House will continue for the next four years, smearing
 conservatives and others who oppose the Clintons on ethical, moral, and legal grounds.

 “Judicial Watch will not stand by and watch more smear campaigns unfold, and for this
 reason will monitor Mr. Conason and Mr. Lyons, among others, to make sure that they
 do not violate the rights of American citizens,” stated Judicial Watch Chairman and
 General Counsel Larry Klayman.

 Can you believe this?
 The man with no dick wants a piece of Conason and Lyons?

 As you know, I've been trying to get in on this juicy "litigation gravy train" for years,
 as long-time readers can verify.

 (The important part snipped)

> I should be so lucky to have Klayman call me to testify under oath in front of cameras.
> If he asked me any open-ended questions I'd have the most fun causing his stroke.

> "BartCop, what were you thinking when..."

> "Mr. Klayman, I was wondering why you call yourself "mister" since you have no cock!"

> ha ha

> What could he do?
> Sanction me for thinking that?

> Thanks for keeping me "In the loop."
> Does this increase my chances of getting a subpoena?
> Can we get word to Klayman that I'm the ringleader?

> ha ha

> Make me stop!

> bc

 If anyone reading this has any connections in Washington, could you leak to the
 honorable Mr Klayman that Conason and Lyons are my front men - my stooges,
 and Ol' BartCop is secretly running this treacherous cabal?

 Good luck, Joe.
 If you need some snappy comebacks for really stupid questions, just whistle.

 From: Odious@home.com

 Open Letter to Michael Moore

 Click  Here

 Today's Page Two Girl is a flipper

 Click  Here

 In Honor of Howard Klein

 Click  Here

 We're all proud of you, Howie.
 Lots of people talk civil rights - you act on civil rights.

 A shot of Chinaco to Howie Klein.

 Mail Overflow

 Click  Here

 Stroke Me, Stroke Me

 "Don't assume everyone in the Bush camp isn't doing everything they can."
     --  Methane Boy, third hour

 I'm not even going to try to decipher that strokism...

From:  tharrington@lopm.org

Subject: Advertising

Dear Mr. BartCop:

One of our parishioners has asked that we provide you with free advertising in our
church bulletin.  He explained that you frequently discuss theology in general and
Catholicism in particular, and that you also have the courage to address other issues,
such as alcohol (he read to me your excellent screed in which you condemned alcohol use,
cleverly using Cuervo Gold tequila as an example).

While I have not yet taken the time to view you website myself, I can say that after
hearing it described I am confident that  your site will help serve the Catholic community.

I am proud to offer you a free 1/4 page ad in our weekly bulletin, as well a full-page ad
of our Christmas Chorus program (I'm trying to get you the back cover).  I will also suggest
during our weekly announcement that families should "logon" to your site to strengthen their faith.

There's no need to thank us, Mr. BartCop; We THANK YOU for all of the
wonderful work you are doing to promote the propagation of the faith.


Father Theodore Harrington
Our Lady of Perpetual Motion Church

p.s.  I will mention your site to other pastors within the diocese: I'm sure
that many of them can help with free advertising in their bulletins, too.
p.p.s.  Call me if you're interested in Advent candles for less than wholesale!

 Great Lying Nazi Whore Quotes

 "Katherine Harris is a Republican.
   Katherine Harris supported George Bush for President.
   That's why the Democrats are so angry with her."
    -- Capt. Grunt, first hour of today's radio show.

 Hey, Pigboy - tell the truth for once, would you?
 She was co-chairman of his goddamn campaign.

 I fail to understand why, after being lied to in this way,
 ditto-monkeys don't get upset with their Lard and master.

 Picture this:
 Some Smirk-for-brains ditto-monkey hears Rush say that.
 He goes to the water cooler at work and repeats Pigboy's half truth.
 "The Democrats are only upset because she's a Bush supporter."

 Then a reader of  bartcop.com  says to him,
 "She's much more than than - she was his campaign co-chairman.
  That's why Democrats don't want her ruling on close calls."

 So the ditto-monkey says, "Really? Are you sure?"
 Then the Democrat proves it to him,  proves that Rush misled him.

 Why doesn't the ditto-monkey get angry with Rush?
 Here he is, looking more stupid than usual at the company water coller,
 his co-workers chortling at his inept naivete and stupidity - again.

 So why don't the ditto-monkeys get angry with his constant lies
 and half-truths that cause them so much embarrassment?

From:   DDThinkFree@aol.com

Subject:   Conservatives without a President


Here's yet another question that no Dittohead can answer:
Conservatives have been screaming for the last eight years that
"Bill Clinton is NOT my President!!!"

So by that logic, considering that Bill Clinton is the ONLY President
conservatives have, in essence, been 'without' a President for the last eight years.
Why, then, are they whining that they MUST know right this very second who
the next President-Elect is?

If they got along fine 'without a President' for eight years, wouldn't it be logical
to think they could survive another month  or so without knowing who the
White House is going to be occupied by?

Douglas Daniels

Doug, I think it's even worse than that.
They've said for eight years that Clinton wasn't "really" their president
because he never reached the magic 50 percent level.

A week before the election, when Pigboy was screaming,
"There'a a big George W landslide coming!"  he kept pounding and pounding
on the theme that Clinton got 49 percent of 49 percent of eligible voters,
 so he really only got 24 percent of the vote.

Since Smirk outright LOST the popular vote, not only does he miss
the 50 percent level by a country mile, but there's another guy who
got MORE votes than he did.

So if Clinton wasn't really their president, Smirk is really nobody's president.
President Smirk has problems.

Who will follow the orders of this fraud, this pretender,
since by their own rules he's not really the president?

 Fun Democratic Quotes

 "Al Gore won the popular vote.
   I did my job.
   I did get that vote out.
   Unfortunately, I didn't get to count it."
      --  Donna Brazile, the winner's campaign manager

 Great Democratic Quotes

 "I can't believe I'm losing to this guy."
    --Jon Lovitz, SNL 1988, playing Dukakis.

 Right now, Algore must be thinking the same thing.
 I have a feeling if America had a chance to vote again
 it would be closer to 60/40 in Gore's favor.

 As a slow-witted individual, I learned long ago that the easiest way to sift thru
 a long legal argument is too take out as many unnecessary words as possible
 and see what's left. So, yesterday, in a nutshell, looked like this:

 Gore: We're in a mess, so I think we should recount every vote in Florida and
            I promised to fully support Governor Bush if he's the winner so we
            can move forward as a country and get this indecision behind us.

 Smirk: There's no reason to recount the fraudulent election totals produced
              by my brother and my campaign co-chairman. We should ignore the
              ballots cast because I like the way my brother handles elections.

 Smirk has managed to get himself in the worst of all spots.
 He's being seen as an arrogant little shit, claiming that which isn't his thru trickery and
 dirty politics, which will give the press an excuse to turn on him. If Smirky ends up the
 victor, he'll be the only president in modern history to take office under a black cloud,
 with the people and the press against him.

 If he handles his presidency as clumsily as his brother's ballot fiasco,
 America could be in store for a very dark period.
 We've had smug crooks for president, and we've had idiot-bastards for president,
 but we've never had a smug crook, idiot-bastard for president before.

 I heard it, but I forgot who said it

 "It looks like the Republicans want to shrink government
   small enough to where it will fit in my wife's pants."

 Final Edition

 My good friend Doug over at The Daily Brew has written his last column.

 He cites the large amount of time it takes to publish a web page as his primary reason.
 Putting out a quality product takes a lot of time.
 Trust me, even the fourth-grade drivel posted at  bartcop.com  takes a lot of time.

 I realize when you read it, you say, 'What could possibly take up any time?"
 but somehow it does.  I have shoe boxes full of 3x5 cards that have funny(?)
 ideas written on them that I'll get to as soon as I get caught up, but most of
 them are from '98 and '99, so no telling how fresh they'd be.

 I also have stacks of magazines and newspapers next to my computer with sections
 circled to be transcribed "soon," and another stack on the couch next to my La-Z-Boy.
 To make matters worse, the cats have a new hobby:
 They've learned that if the stand on the stack - and wait - the stack will begin to slide.

 So I'm hacking away at my computer, when I look over and notice the cat staring at me,
 with what I could swear is a smile, and the damn cat is paper-surfing the avalanche.
 We have two cats, they both like to surf daddy's stack of papers and magazines.

 Sorry, how did we get there?
 Oh, yeah, the time factor.

 One other thing that should be said is since it looks like we're going to lose
 this phony-baloney rigged election, we need to consolidate our forces.
 Besides welcoming Doug at The Brew back into the fold,
 I'd like to offer a truce to Zepp and even the overly-litigious Whimsy.
 I've even been less-than-diplomatic with Bushwatch.com which really is the
 primary source for Smirk ammunition on the world wide web.
 Jerry's the only guy I'm certain is busier than Ol' BartCop.
 He's busier than Clinton's attorneys at the height of the Cock Hunt.

 I advertise  bartcop.com  saying,
 "All I have is a modem, a smart mouth and the truth."

 Sometimes the "smart mouth" is less than diplomatic, so it wouldn't hurt to offer to
 smoke a little Peace Pipe now and then, especially when we see our rightfully-elected
 leaders lose an election due to a rich, smirking smart-ass prick who's brother and
 campaign manager have rigged the election against the will of the people.

 So - to everyone whom I've run away, let's put something tasty in the Peace Pipe
 and smoke our differences away for the good of the cause and the country.

 I may run for elective office someday
 and I need fewer enemies, not more.

From: papabear

Subject: Suggestion

One of the 'rules' for contributors you may wish to publish under your changes section
might be a standardized way that people may keep you informed on when they wish
their identity to be withheld, or what alternate identity they wish to have attributed publically.

You set the rules that make your life most convenient; it's up to the voter
.. uh, gentle reader, to _READ_ and _FOLLOW_ the rules
(which will undoubtedly  be intuitive and clear considering the Edioter in Charge).

Due to my low-I.Q.,
I have asked BSmasher and Christian M-L to delete the identities and addresses
from the forwarded e-mails of the bashful folk to safeguard against accidental publication.

Comment :  I like the new layout and am happy to see your increasingly popular website
evolving ... slowly and carefully into something that is till intuitive and simple to use.
I am especially impressed by a complete lack of javascript, java, and cookies and
urgently vote that that policy continue.

ha ha
No problem there, I'm still trying to master cut-and-paste.

I did like the yellow / orange / red on black theme & font style better than the new
blue & white.   Just my personal taste.  Consider keeping that style for at least one
of your sections ... don't throw it our completely.

I like that font, too, just wanted the "new" page to have a fresh look.
Maybe some code-writer with time on his (or her) hands will gin up a new look
for the opening page. I'd like to have a new look every couple of weeks but
<heavy Algore sigh> that takes more time.

Maybe I should change the name to alwayswhining.com

  Pop Quiz
  Who is this man?

 Great Whore Quotes

 "I can't believe those Democrats.
   They're like bratty kids.
 You lost - get over it!!!
   I used to be annoyed by Democrats, now I'm afraid of them."
     --  The spread-legged She-Thing

 Hey, Laura, what's tomorrow's lecture titled?

 The Importance of Dignity?

From: (withheld)

Subject: So you want to be a whore

In your case any press is good press.
America loves a sideshow and the best way
to get in the paper is to do something weird.
As a low IQ Catholic that should be easy.

ha ha
Thanks, I needed that.

 Florida ballots explained

 Click  Here

 ha ha

 Mr Bush has not come well out of this fiasco
  Special report: the US elections

 The Guardian

As Republican efforts to fix the Florida result continue, the leadership and judgment
of America's pretender-president, George W Bush, look less impressive by the day.
His aides now say that Dubya was so confident of victory on November 7 that he
eased off too soon and coasted to the tape. That is contrasted unfavourably with
Al Gore's energetic, all-out dash to the finishing line. Genuinely shocked by the non-result,
Mr Bush began his post-election campaign by adopting a studied, nonchalant air.

His down-home photo-ops, featuring muddy jeans, cute pet dogs and a languid manner,
were intended to convey sang-froid - or Texan cool. But they may have had the opposite
effect, suggesting that Mr Bush was not so much above the fray as totally out of his depth.
Out of touch, too, as if in surreal parody of Daddy Bush in 1988, the make-believe leader of
the free world "appointed" a make-believe secretary of state and a very insecure security adviser.

That impression was reinforced by the sudden emergence from the shadows, as if by murky magic,
of James Baker, Bush Snr's old buddy and Mr Fixit. As the   Florida follies have unfolded, it has
become ever clearer that Mr Baker, and other old hands like vice-president-in-his-dreams Dick
Cheney, are calling Republican shots in the Sunshine state. A stronger leader than George W might
have vetoed Mr Baker's legal efforts, aided and abetted by ardent Bush-ette Katherine Harris,
Florida's secretary of state, to thwart local recounts. A bigger man might have upheld the bigger
democratic principle of fairness over his own claims and, for example, supported a state-wide
manual recount. That would have boosted his public standing and enhanced his chances of
winning (by including Republican-inclined counties). None of this - his complacency,
the old gang's ascendancy, bad tactics and a lack of scruple - bodes well.

In an extraordinary week, Mr Gore's conduct has not been above reproach, either.
Polls show most Americans back his insistence on a reliable tally in Florida. But as patience
begins to run out, it may well be growing public exasperation, as much as recounts and courts,
that finally brings this contest to closure.

 Today's Page Two Girl shines

 Click  Here

 Great GOP Quotes

 "It's my duty, under Florida law, to help the guy whose campaign I co-chaired.
   You people are crazy if you think I'm going to pass up an ambassadorship."
      -- Katherine the Grate, to anyone who'd listen

 Fox - Guarding the Hen House

 Click  Here

 Speaking of Fox Whore News,
 Jon Stewart got in some good shots last night:

 Click  Here  to hear his Katherine the Grate rant  (all 3 very short)

 Click  Here  to hear how badly both men want the big job

 Click  Here  to hear what he does to Fox Whore News

 I was whining to my online therapist, Dr Chistian Melfi, telling her my web page woes
 and when I told her thiings seemed so much easier when I was drinking too much
 and she said Smirk probably thought the same thing.

 ha ha

From: (withheld)

Here is a phone number to the office of the Eva Braun
of the Bush Junta, Katherine Harris. 850-922-0234


Our first successful letter from bc_pubshort@yahoo.com
It worked!

Tamara Baker forwarded something

Click  Here

 What's with James Baker talking like a Democrat?

 He says he doesn't want different standards for different counties.
 I thought the GOP promoted local control?
 Smirk and Baker don't trust the people?
 Wasn't that a cornerstone of his campaign?

 Now, they want a strong, centralized governing body,
 which is the opposite of "smaller government."
 Can anyone explain?

 I understand why across-the-board standards are important, so I've been
 called "Big government" for over 20 years for realizing central control works.
 This is another subject I'd like to debate a Rush fan on.

 Everything works better with a central "government."
 That's why Smirk had ONE campaign HQ in Austin,
 instead of letting all fifty states run their own campaigns.

 If Smirk and Baker can't stick to their guns long enough to get elected,
 what good are they? They have the principles of a dog in heat.

From:  young@erim-int.com

Subject:        Florida Fruit


I've been a *baaad baaaad* man.

I'm white.
I'm male.
I have a college degree and lots of hours toward an advanced degree.
My family income is greater than $75,000.
Religion plays a significant role in my house, which I own.
Which is not in a large city or suburb.
I have more than $10K in stocks.

And yet, despite all these indicators, I voted for a
candidate other than the Dub.  I feel so ... wrong ...

Fortunately, FL has seen the errors of my ways and righted a great wrong.

And if Dub gets his way?, and that extra trillion gets pumped into the market?
(fuck those old bastards -- when they starve they won't be votin' anyway, will they?)
it'll pump up the selling price of everything I already own!

This is so cool!  The goofy young people will be giving me money by their own choice!
Sure, they'll be left wondering where it all went in fifteen years when I and my cohort
snatch away the the gravy bubbling up to the top of the pyramid, but they should be grateful.

That's it!  It's a valuable life lesson for them.  We will be doing them a service by relieving them
of the burden of having too much SS money available after they retire.  And...and!...we will be
proof positive that the Smirk Security plan is a winner: *we* won't be depending on that paltry
$1200 a month to survive.  Ah, bliss.

Now if I could just figure out how to spend my last penny the day I die so my local copies of
goofy young folks will get stuck with my funerary expenses, how  happy that would make me.

So anyway, despite my mistake, this will be a good thing.
You'll be drivin' your new machine,
and I'll be able to figuratively screw a bunch of youngsters.
Let's make lemonade


 VCR Alert -  The OJ Simpson Story on CBS. It sounded like crap, so I missed Part One,
 but I caught the last 3 minutes of it and liked what I saw. Then last night, trying to catch up,
 I read last Friday's USA TODAY where Robert Bianco gave it **** and said it was killer, so to speak.
 So I'll tape it.

 Did anyone tape Part One?

 I sure wish I had a VCR Alert Wrangler, so I could devote more time
 to the intense pounding and severe beating President Smirk the Thief  is about to take.

 Saw it on the chat board

 Thanks to Kwawin

From:   mkonieczki@rslusa.com

Subject: George Will


That moron that said a Democrat approved the FL ballot,
well, the Daily Howler says otherwise:

We don't have the time to hit all Will's misstatements.
But here's one more worth noting:

WILL (8): The Palm Beach ballots were designed by a Democrat and approved
by a process that included Democrats, and sample ballots were published in
newspapers and mailed to voters - all without eliciting pre-election complaints.
It makes a wonderful story. Unfortunately, if you've seen the sample ballot from
the Palm Beach Post, it looked nothing like the actual ballot. The presidential
candidates were listed in one column, eliminating the source of  the ballot confusion.
But writers like Will "keep spin alive," telling readers the stories they like.


 Supermodel Karen Mulder says

 Don't get behind...

 Read  bartcop.com  every day

 Read the  Previous Issue
 It was the best issue ever.

 Go Home to  bartcop.com


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