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Nobody does it like Betty Bowers
Check out her tribute to Michael Jackson
A cornucopia of good stuff
"After leading this nation to unprecedented
peace and prosperity,
he suddenly has this crisis thrust upon him!"
-- Jeff Greenfield, Senior political whore on CNN last night
Does the Taliban read bartcop.com?
BREAKING NEWS from CNN.com
Taliban says U.S. not justified in making demands without proof or evidence.
Stroke Me, Stroke Me
"You can see that audio on my web page
-- the vulgar Pigboy,
President Admits Bill Clinton's Superiority
by Kevin Cunningham
Did you catch it?
In Bush Jr.'s speech last night?
The admission by the unelected president of the Bill Clinton miracle?
"It will not look like the air war above Kosovo
two years ago, where no
ground troops were used and not a single American was lost in combat."
As a long time reader (and contributer) to bartcop.com,
I remember when Bart first brought up
the Bill Clinton miracle: That President Clinton never sent a person into battle that didn't come home alive.
A claim that cannot be said of any other president.
(And sadly, in a less than a few months, that'll include president Weak and Stupid)
>From bartcop.com: Issue 141
>Recent Military History
>Reagan invades Beirut, 241 dead, "big success"
>Reagan invades Isle of Nutmeg, "big success"
>Reagan bombs Libya, kills Khadafy's daughter, "big success"
>Under Reagan, Lockerbie explodes, "big success"
>Butch invades Panama, a few dead, "big success"
>Butch orders Randy Weaver's wife assassinated, "big success"
>Butch bungles Iraq, exposes 550,000 men to birth-defect toxins,
>over 110 dead, but still considered "big success"
>Butch send troops to Somalia, 22 dead, but "big success"
>because deaths blamed entirely on incoming Bill Clinton
>Clinton sends troops to Haiti, no dead, "big failure"
>Clinton sends APC's to Waco, 87 suicides, "Clinton's fault"
>Clinton sends planes to Iraq, no dead, "big failure"
>Clinton sends troops to Bosnia, no dead, "big failure"
>Clinton sends planes back to Iraq, no dead, "big failure"
>Clinton sends planes to Kosovo, no dead, "big failure"
>Rush says, "With Clinton, the military never gets any glory."
>Let's talk about lives that weren't lost.
>Clinton has never sent a man into battle that didn't come home.
>Clinton has never sent a man into battle that didn't come home.
>Name for me another president who can say that.
>Go ahead, "Truth detector," name one.
>Again, they'd rather their sons die under a GOP bungler
>than have them come home under "sinful" Bill Clinton.
>If I had a kid in the military,
>I'd just as soon see him come home alive.
>I guess I'm alone on that.
Yes, Bart, Rush says, "With Clinton, the military
never got any glory," which we all know is a lie.
But it's too bad that Clinton never got any glory over his military miracles.
Koresh knows, he deserves it.
("Koresh" copyright bartcop.com ;-)
WAL-MART SAYS NO TO AMERICAN FLAG STICKERS
While Wal-Mart boasted record sales of American flags from its stores, workers at Sam's Club 6382
(a Division of Wal-Mart Stores, Inc.) in Las Vegas, Nevada were forced by managers to remove
American flag stickers from their name badges because the stickers were given to them by a Union.
"I can't believe Wal-Mart would be so insensitive
and unpatriotic during this crisis" said Linda Gruen,
Wal-Mart employee, "it made me sick to my stomach when they told us to take their flags off."
The managers not only made the employees deeply
upset but also angered customers
who were shocked and appalled to see employees being forced to peel off American flags.
Last night's 'wonderful' speech
It was a decent speech, delivered pretty good.
He still can't talk without smirking, and that needs to change.
For all we know that speech was written on the 12th and he and
have been practicing the "tough words" for 12 hours a day for eight days straight.
With Cheney running the country, Bush has time on his hands...
He mentioned, "History's unmarked grave of discarded lies."
I thought of "read my lips," and "John McCain is pro-breast cancer,"
"McCain let his fellow POW's down" and "I promise to govern from the center,"
and "My budgets will always balance," and "there were no weapons on those two
small planes we sent to Iran," and a hundred other caustic Republican bullshitisms.
And wasn't it embarrassing seeing Robert Byrd (D-KKK) behind Smirk?
He doesn't represent me, I guarantee that.
The scariest part of the speech was when Bush said,
"We can't lose in this battle because God won't let us."
That idiot thinks God is paving the way for his "successes," not his daddy's rich friends.
Favorite quote of the night:"Not terra - ...liberty!"
And the press swooned like a pre-teen at an N-Sync concert.
"What a great speech, by a forceful man," they all lied.
"Bush's demands to the Taliban were forged in steel," they lied again.
I'm no lawyer, but basically Bush proposed a contract with the
He said, "If you choose 'X', will will respond with Plan A."
But if you choose 'Y', we will respond with Plan B."
Any lawyer can tell you a contract without dates is unenforceable.
Bush demanded they comply without setting a deadline.
That means there was no demand stated.
All Smirk said was "immediately," which means roughly the same thing as "soon."
There's an old gambler's saying, "Your
rules, my timetable."
That way, I can agree to any terms from anybody on anything
as long as I don't have to comply before January 1, 2101.
Now, you can make the argument that a deadline is a bad idea because
America into acting the day after the deadline passes, but if all he was going to do
is beat his chest and spout a bunch of generalized plattitudes, such as,
"We will defeat terra," and 'Terra will not stand,"
you sound like Uncle Saddam with his Mother-of-all-battles horseshit.
Of course, the lapdog press was going to praise Bush's performance
no matter what.
They've been the loyal Golden Retriever at his side for almost two years, now.
Also, did you catch his caveat?
He said "America will destroy all terrorist cells with a global reach," meaning
the IRA is safe as long as they just continue to murder the British children.
He's not going to carry Boston in 2004, so what's the point?
After the speech, we saw the bullshit that makes George such a
He went into the crowd and shook hands with the Republicans,
but he hugged Tom daschle, with one of those, "Let's start dating" hugs,
then he hugged Dick Gephardt extra tight and extra long, but my favorite
was when Smirk reached out and gently stroked Chuck Schumer's cheek.
I started retching in my La-Z-Boy, and Mrs BartCop ran for paper towels.
This is how the Bush Family Evil Empire has succeeded?
By having Fredo stroke the cheeks of his enemies?
And Hillary got left out.
She must've done something wrong, because the religiously-insane crackerbarrels
on K-Drag Nazi radio have been screaming all morning.
"All of America is united - except Hillary Clinton."
Maybe she told Smirk's people to have Monkeyboy keep his goddamn hands to himself.
I tried to buy Hillary2004.com - but it's taken.
I tried to buy Hillary2008.com - but it's taken.
I tried to buy HillaryClinton2004.com - but it's taken.
I tried to buy HillaryClinton2008.com - but it's taken.
I tried to buy a dozen combinations - but they're all taken.
So, all we got out of last night was a guarantee that the Bush
Family Evil Empire
money grab will cost tens of billions, will be secretive and it will last up to five years.
Wall Streeet just closed their worst week since 1933.
It's down 15 percent since Sept 10th.
They only lost 140 points today.
For Smirk, that's like a bull run!
Of course, for Smirk's rich Republican friends, the ones who have
trillion dollar tax breaks coming their way "it's a buying opportunity,"
...but why buy today when you can buy cheaper tomorrow?
Why invest in America when its CEO is Weak and Stupid?
Koresh, I miss having a real president, one elected by
one who the people had faith in, one that wasn't an appointed pretender.
Well, more mail than toons...
...right after we see the proof.
This is really creepy
That thing we did yesterday with the wingdings font?
(If you type NYC and change it to wingdings font, you get "death-Israel-yes"
One of the planes that hit the Twin Towers was Flight Q33NY.
When you enlarge Q33NY with a wingding font, you get
Q33NY changes into Q33NY
sent in by Jim Higdon
In the early winter of 1933, Franklin Roosevelt took a fishing vacation off the coast of Florida.
After returning to Miami, he went to a park,
where, seated in the back of an open touring car,
he spoke to some thousands of people, one of whom was Anton Cermak, the Mayor of Chicago.
Cermak stood close to the President-elect and thus was in the direct line of fire
when an assassin took aim at Roosevelt.
As the Mayor fell to the ground, grievously wounded,
the Secret Service shouted at the driver
to get the President-elect the hell out of there, but F.D.R. stopped them.
And then Roosevelt, a man who could not walk,
let alone run, unassisted, swung open the
touring-car door and, with arms made strong from years of crutches, took hold of Cermak,
pulled him into the car and then, cradling the wounded man, ordered the driver to go to the nearest hospital.
Or there is the example of Abraham Lincoln, repeatedly warned not to appear in public, who told his bodyguards that their protecting him could not be allowed to interfere with his connection to the people who had chosen him to lead them and the nation.
And then, lack of courage.
George W. Bush.
Four days later, he arrives in New York.
Couldn't get there sooner because they were targeting Air Force One.
So take another plane.
This man is so much the captive of his security
janissaries they had a
by-invitation-only memorial service at the National Cathedral. Leaders take chances.
Leaders expose themselves to dangers.
Let's rename Air Force One the White Feather Special.
This panicky escape from Florida to Louisiana,
then a disappearance under a desk in Nebraska,
was the flight of a confused, frightened man. At the same time he vanished, the news announcers
were assuring us that the Vice President was safe in his cave, the Speaker of the House was safe
in his cave, and the members of the cabinet were safe in their caves. For practical purposes,
the federal government, with New York and Washington under attack, had become invisible.
The highest good was saving themselves so they could live to lead us on another, safer day.
Cowardice in the face of the enemy?
For most of Tuesday, the de facto leader of America
was Rudolph Giuliani. He was the only elected
official in the United States to be seen, the only one giving encouragement, the only one enjoining hope
and the only one performing the duties of his office in the face of immediate danger.
(George Pataki also was at his post, gaining honor by his conduct.)
So it turns out that as George W. Bush and that
shabby bunch he calls his team played the part
of the poltroon in Washington, the ordinary people of New York were extraordinary. Our firefighters,
our police officers, our men and women from the building trades and from medicine and every occupation
showed us what heroes do. In an epoch accustomed to seeing the big shots send the little shots to their death,
the fire chief led his people to the immortality which only great deeds and great sacrifice confer.
Has there ever been a day like Tuesday, Sept.
11, 2001, a day of such mass murder, of such grief,
of such hugeness of heart? Not in the four centuries since Europeans came to Manhattan island.
Something I've never seen before on the USA Today TV Page
ABC 8 PM America - Tribute to Heroes
CBS 8 PM America - Tribute to Heroes
FOX 8 PM America - Tribute to Heroes
NBC 8 PM America - Tribute to Heroes
PBS 8 PM America - Tribute to Heroes
UPN 8 PM America - Tribute to Heroes
WB 8 PM America - Tribute to Heroes
PAX 8 PM America - Tribute to Heroes
Telem 8 PM America - Tribute to Heroes
INU 8 PM America - Tribute to Heroes
The same thing on every channel.
U2, Springsteen, Neil Young, Stevie Wonder and tons of TV and movie stars.
Click on for a more complete list
Plus, you have celeb phone answerers, like Jack Nicholson, Chris Rock and Al Pacino
I think I'll watch,
I think I'll call.
Clear Channel's list of insensitive songs
Time's like this, you don't want to nit-pik someone who may be
wanting to help,
but have you heard some of the songs on Clear Channel's voluntary "don't play" list?
[I wrote a piece for this, but it had no snap,
so just look at the "banned list" and draw your own conclusions.]
Subject: airline bailout
Hey BC, I don't know if you've talked about the
likely airline bailout yet,
but I wanted to see what you thought about that. I heard this morning that
100,000 people or so are set to lose their jobs, yet the government is still
going to hand over billions of dollars to help the airlines stay in business.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't the airlines
private companies that take risks
when they do business, and if they fail for whatever reason, that's the breaks?
(Any conservative economist will tell you the same thing. It's funny how rich people
who preach 'the magic of the marketplace' go crying to the government for help
when things don't go their way.)
Besides, the government has spent I don't know
how many billions more each year
regulating airlines through the FAA, in part because the airlines couldn't be counted on
to regulate themselves to ensure the flying public's safety. That would cost them too
much money. In short, I think that any government bailout of the airlines should be tied
to retaining workers currently under contract.
Of course, with things the way they are now, that
I'm no fan of the shell games the airlines play with fares, but we need
If one airlines was hurting, we could let the market handle it.
But they're talking about 5 major carriers going bankrupt at the same time,
so I'm in favor of keeping them afloat, so to speak.
The vulgar Pigboy mentioned an idea (he never gives credit, always acting
he thought of the ideas himself) but he suggested the government pay up-front for
a few billion dollar's worth of tickets, then use them like a long-distance calling card.
Maybe they could ask the airlines to stop gouging and price-fixing as
Remember last month when I was booking tix to San Francisco, every airline
went from $400 to almost $700 overnight - that's price-fixing, not market forces.
Good old Southwest Airlines played fair, and got my business and my respect.
I am going to be a guest today, subbing for Bev
on www.radioleft.comtoday at 3:10 pm CDT if anyone wants to listen.
We have an interesting subject today...
Linda, I'll be there.
Love the handle, too.
That extra "r" means everything.
Actress at Large
Our own Tally Briggs has filmed an episode of Providence.
TV schedules are a little crazy right now, but it's scheduled to be broadcast on October 19th.
I asked her to wear a bartcop.com rules t-shirt while filming.
No word on if that happened or not.
She said I'm not allowed to give away the plot, but I'm sure she
wouldn't mind me saying that she plays a
gun-toting girlfriend to an escaped convict who takes BJ and that girl-with-the-really-long-name hostage
There's a bloody shootout in the end, but then Tally's character turns good and uses her dormant nursing skills
to save the life of BJ and the long-named woman, gaining her probation and a date with the sheriff.
...but you didn't hear that from me.
I'll remind you when the time comes, but watch for Providence on Oct 19th.
The Lies Continue
The hijacked plane that smashed into the Pentagon
changed course without threatening
the White House or Capitol, according to a radar track of its flight path.
Though the White House and Capitol were evacuated,
the radar track shows the plane veering away
fromWashington before making a sharp turn and crashing into the Pentagon, a government source said.
The plane, with 64 people on board, had taken
off from Dulles en route to LA. It was hijacked in
mid-flight and turned back east. A radar track shows the plane continuing to head toward Washington
but veering away before entering the restricted air space in the nation's capital.
At the White House, spokesman Ari Fleischer saw it a different way.
"That is not the radar data that we have seen,''
Fleischer lied, adding,
"The plane was headed toward the White House.''
I see the problem Ari has.
He can't come out and say "The Boy King wet his pants in fear, like a third grader."
What else can he do but lie, lie, lie?
If you bought $1000 worth of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.
If you bought $1000 worth of Budweiser (the beer, not the stock) one
drank all the beer, and traded in the cans for the nickel deposit, you would have $79.
Subject: Luckiest Man on the Face of the Earth
In 1939 Lou Gehrig proclaimed himself "the luckiest man on the face of the earth".
But today that title passes to George W. Bush.
In this past week we have seen:
the largest single day loss of American lives since the Civil War
the largest point loss on the NY Stock Exchange in American history
hundreds of thousands of American workers laid off from their jobs
a decade of government surpluses instantly turned to deficits
And America turns to a man who has never worked
an honest day in his life.
A man who, at every turn in his life, has been handed a free pass to money and privilege.
Without performing a single significant act in his lifetime [other than to drive us near ruin in less than a year]
he has become the leader of the greatest nation the world has ever known.
A leader with a 91% approval rating and an opposition that refuses to utter a peep of dissent.
No offense to Mr. Gehrig but I think we can retire that "luckiest man" award.
Dittoes to that.
Another thing Mr Lucky has is a press who won't even ask him how many times he's been arrested.
WE WANT PRESIDENT BUSH!
People here were talking about Giuliani and Pataki. These are not universally beloved men, believe me,
but they were politicians who knew what to do. When you can do nothing, you go, you show you care,
you give them your body. And Giuliani, particularly, did that, and had the presence of mind
(and leadership) to ask his people, New Yorkers, to do the same:
"I want the people of New York to be
an example to the rest of the country and the rest
of the world that terrorism can't stop us. ... Do things that show you're not afraid."
The president was hiding, for good reason, I'm sure.
Aaron Sorkin, creator of The West Wing, has asked that the premiere be delayed in light of the attacks.
While declining official comment, network sources stressed that the
request did not have to do with
specific content concerns, but rather with a general sensitivity given its focus on political themes.
All networks delayed their premieres one week, but Sorkin wants "West
Wing" held longer.
The network has limited time to decide whether the show will be postponed further.
VCR Alert - sorta...
Did you see Jon Stewart last night?
He had 90 percent of a total meltdown.
I've never seen anything like it - ever.
(It repeats today at 7PM EST)
It was his first night since...
The opening segment seemed longer than usual, maybe ten minutes.
From the beginning, you knew he was in trouble.
He was so broken, and just barely hanging on by a thread.
He got right to the edge of breaking down completely, and stayed
Jesus, for 5-7 minutes, he was hanging on, determined to have his say.
He said a lot of the expected things, and always teetering on the edge.
Several times, he'd stop completely, and I kept expecting him
his hand as a signal to the producer go to a commercial, but he stuck with it.
It was torture to see him struggle thru this long speech
about America and New York.
His face was an open book. He knew he was in trouble and you could see on his face
that he was NOT going to give up - he kept plowing thru. When he'd get extra stuck,
he'd pound his pencil into his desk like a drummer counting off the beat. When he got
to the four count, he'd start talking again, but it was torture for him and the audience.
If this was a fight, the referee would've called it by now.
Finally he got to the "punch" line, and it was a big one.
He talked about the spectacular view from his aparrtment - the World Trade Centers.
God, it was sad when he looked the camera in the eye and said, '...but now, ...they're gone.'
Trembling, he looked back up at the camera and said,
"Now, ......when I look out ......my window," [choking hard, but determined to push on...]
"now I see the Statue of Liberty, ...and there's nothing better than that."
The crowd seized that moment to burst into applause and I'm glad
they did because
Jon didn't have anything left to give after that. He was drained. He was spent.
The crowd had no idea they were getting into this, and you could tell everyone in
the audience was holding their breath, waiting for the torture to stop.
They went to some commercials and when they came back he did a clip show.
It was a lot more emotional than Dave's first night.
Jon just crumbled and broke apart, but it wasn't embarrassing or anything.
It's a "must see" kind of event. It's not fun to see, but it seems important to see.
I mean, is there anybody more hip and sarcastic than Jon
And then to see him humble himself this way, weeping openly for his city and country,
it was something that we'll probably never see again. I mean, if his wife or kid died,
he wouldn't share that this way, but we're all in this together and he conveyed that.
If you can call home and tell the wife or kids to set the VCR
to the Comedy Channel
and catch today's rerun, I think you'll get an emotional charge out of last night's show.
It's hard to explain why anyone would want to see a great comedian
in such pain,
but comedians say a whole lot sometimes, often better than the stodgy speechwriters.
Oh, and I wasn't Monday's hero.
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
Copyright © 2001,
Thanks for the fumble, Dude.