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"The problem with being sure that God is on
your side is that
you can't change your mind, because God sure isn't going to change His."
--Roger Ebert, wondering why God only speaks to Governor Weak & Stupid
It will go down as a great mystery of history how Mr. Popularity at Yale metamorphosed
into President Persona Non Grata of the world.
Just when you thought it couldn't get more
Strangelovian, it does. The Bush bullies, having driven off
all the other kids in the international schoolyard, are now resorting to imaginary friends.
Perhaps the hawks' fixation on being the
messiahs of the Middle East has unhinged them.
I could just picture Wolfy sauntering down the road to Baghdad with our new ally Harvey,
his very own pooka, a six-foot-tall invisible rabbit that the U.S. wants to put on the U.N. Security Council.
That's the best thing I've ever read by Mrs. Bridal Registry
"The maiming or killing of a single Iraqi civilian
by the United States would constitute a war crime,
as well as a profound violation of the Christian notion of just war. That is because the recent report
of the U.N. war inspectors has made indelibly clear that disarmament is working and that Iraq at this
time poses no direct threat to the well-being of the American people."
--Robert Scheer, When Bombs Fall, latimes.com
by my good friend Chris Floyd
The war is always coming, it's always here, either in utero, full fury or chaotic aftermath.
The newest war -- the invasion of Iraq -- will come because a gang of like-minded men is
willing it into being. They want it -- it's as simple as that. They want what they believe this
war will give them: wealth, dominion, and empire.
The ultimate goal is not Iraq -- that bombed,
blockaded state partially controlled by a witless thug
whom the gang once succored -- but domination of the world's oil supplies in the coming century,
when the surging nations of China and India will reach their economic peak.
"March 17th is now our date for war. Bush had
twelve years to chose a day
and he choose St. Patrick's day which all but guarantees that on the day we
go to war, people in the United States will be partying in the streets."
That's a headline I never
expected to publish on bartcop.com
That happy ending is so close to impossible, I would've bet my new microphone it wouldn't happen.
They say she was abducted by a religious
Gee, who would've thought a religio-nut could cause some trouble?
"Is is really you?"
-- Ed Smart, to his daughter Elizabeth
I wonder if he broke any ribs hugging her
I'd just gotten back from a trip to the
store, and Mrs Bart said, "They
found Elizabeth Smart,"
and before she could get another word out, I thought, "At least the parents have some closure now."
She said, "No, ...they found her alive."
Boy, I love being wrong.
"Mr Smart? This is the Sandy police department.
Can you come down here right away ....without stopping?"
-- The best damn phone conversation Ed Smart ever had
Actually, it was very cool.
I have a crystal clear memory of the last time Mrs. Bart broke wildly unexpected good news to me.
We were in Dallas Texas in 1990, it was
2 AM in the morning and we'd just come back from watching the
best band ever to play at Bart's Hard Rock Island Club - Akasha from Brownsville, Tejas.
Mike Tyson was fighting some unknown loser
named James "Buster" Douglas.
When we left for the club at 8 PM, she stayed behind because she wanted to see the fight.
(Mrs. Bart is cool in so many ways.)
When we got back at 3 AM, she opened the
door to the hotel room and she said, "He
Naturally, I assumed she meant "I mo bite you Tyson," but just to be sure, I said, "Tyson?"
And she was so verklempt at the impossible news, all she could do was wave her hand and shake her head, "No!"
I said, "You mean Buster kicked that
All she could do was shake her head "Yes!"
This is one of my all-time favorite photos.
The good news broke before I published yesterday.
I wanted to mention it, but I couldn't figure a way to do it without sounding like a whore.
Besides, news like that travels faster than the speed of light, so you didn't need me.
"Who could've ever thought that a religious
freak who dresses like Christ and walked the streets
begging for money would be capable of pulling something like kidnapping Elizabeth Smart?"
-- Nancy the mouthy blonde from Court TV
Religiuous nuts are always the last to do something crazy...
Walsh & America's Most Wanted
What do we think about this guy?
All I know about him is positive.
Sure, you could say he used his son Adam's murder to get into show business,
but it sure looks to me like he'd rather catch a bad guy than make an extra dollar.
I was busy doing something the night John Walsh's story was an ABC Movie of the Week, years ago.
It starred Daniel Travanti who was one of the biggest stars on TV since he was the star of Hill Street Blues,
which was the West Wing, Sopranos, Homicide, L.A. Law of it's time.
To this day, it may be the most gut-wretching
thing I've ever seen on a television program.
On the show, they explained how Walsh's son was kidnapped - and then at some point,
he got a call from the police telling him his son was dead - for sure.
If you saw that movie, you know what I'm
I don't even have kids and it flipped me out.
Did Travieti win the Emmy that year?
But from what I can see, John Walsh and Larry King each get a
piece of this victory.
Walsh said they mentioned "Emannuel the suspect" on King's show on Dec 10, 2002.
I think they said just last month, the sister Mary Katherine,
told the cops she kinda maybe thought
that Emannuel guy who worked on the house might be the guy she saw grab her sister eight months ago.
Christ, to wrestle with than for all those months, then she thought she finally figured it out and called the cops?
The kid's nine.
"The reason I called the police when
I saw Emmanuel is because I watch 'America's Most Wanted'."
-- The blonde woman who called Sandy police yesterday
She said saw first saw the clip on Larry King, then
Hey, this is like I've always said about bowling, or playing pool,
the Tampa Bay Super Bowl or the Clinton Miracle.
If it happened, you're not required to explain why you deserve the credit.
The women who noticed Elizabeth Smart aren't heroes in the McDougal,
Steele, F.D.N.Y., Audie Murphy sense,
but I think some billionaire ought to buy them each a house for caring enough to dial the damn phone.
There's a really, really, really famous story about the woman
in New York who was stabbed to death
while screaming her lungs out. Police estimated dozens or hundreds of people heard her screaming,
but nobody picked up the phone to call the cops. Not even one.
So I say the women are heroes - what the hell, ...a shot of Chinaco
for them, too.
I never realized it until today, but doesn't she bear a remarkable
similiarity to Kimberly,
the girl who gets kidnapped every week on 24.
Elizabeth Smart Kimberly on 24
"Elizabeth is so smart, so sharp, so aware and so in-control,
we're getting an extraordinary amount of relevant details from her."
-- Sandy, Utah police, at the press conference
Police say Elizabeth buried them with useful information.
They said, with a level head, she answered every question they asked her.
This was such good news, and it put me in such a good mood,
I'm going to do a shot of Chinaco Anejo.
And contrary to everything I've ever said about fine tequila,
I'm gonna do the whole shot with one swoop.
...and then there was the religious angle.
On Larry King, when some people started saying, "God brought Elizabeth back to us,"
Mark Klass and John Walsh said, "Hey,
hey, hey! Screw that! Are you saying God
brought Elizabeth back? So why the hell didn't He bring Polly and Adam back?"
I'm OK with anybody saying goofy things when they get their "dead"
But before you find her, when science and logic count for everything, it's important
to keep religious insanity far, far away from the job of finding the girl.
Dueling quotes from Larry King LIve
"I don't know why James Sensenbrenner
and the House hasn't passed the Amber Alert in all 50 states."
-- John Walsh, the night they found Elizabeth Smart
"Because Congress is too busy telling
President Bush to go to war in Iraq to protect oil interests
for the vice president. Other than that they've got nothing better to do."
-- my good friend Mark Geragos
"Whoa, you always like to go out with
a blast, Mark."
-- Larry King
I'll admit, I might've entertained a few tears Wednesday night.
If you saw the Dad's press conference and didn't feel anything, ...well.
you probably voted for Bush and think a half million Iraqis need dying.
But Christ, think about it - how long has it been since we won one?
1998 - The wolfpack GOP House
rooted around in Clinton's zipper for so many years they had to impeach
the best president we ever had (while we had men in the battlefield) to validate their partisan witchhunt.
2000 - The Republican media took
control in the presidential race, painting Gore as the serial liar
while saying Bush was the smartest, greatest man to ever run for the stolen White House.
2001 - The economy went to shit after Bush rewarded his super-rich campaign donors with OUR money.
2001 - Then Bush's never-ending, month-long vacations brought us September 11th.
2002 - Bush and Ashcroft dismantle the Bill of Rights, banning speech, assembly and freedom from illegal searches.
2003 - Bush's never-ending, self-enriching
oil war is certain to turn more allies against us.
...but one little girl came home, and one broken family won life's
Welcome back, Elizabeth.
Odds are you have a psychological mountain to deal with,
but you've already beaten incredible odds by just getting home.
That piece above was written Wednesday night.
Thursday, the Republican hate Nazis piled on, and on, and on, and on....
"She would never been kidnapped if her parents weren't so liberal."
"See what happens when you try to help the homeless? They belong behind bars, most of them."
"Was the father molesting the daughter? Is that why she ran away?"
"Brainwashing? I don't believe in that.
She just didn't want to come home."
The talk radio whores and the cable TV whores know only one refrain:
"Blame Clinton and blame the liberals," and that ditto-monkey dollar starts pouring in..
Bush partner in more history than Forest Gump
Did you read that link from yesterday?
It says Khashoggi:
was the go-between broker in
was connected to Imelda Marcos and missing money
was connected to the WedTech scandal
his nephew was Dodi Fayed, who died dating Princess Di
sold a yacht to Donald Trump when he really needed money
his lawyer was the attorney for the Warren Commission Report.
Did that get your attention?
his lawyer was also John Ehrlichman's lawyer
he reportedly dates Heather Mills, who later married Paul McCartney
made $70M from Carter's Reagan-dismantled ethanol program
It wouldn't hurt to click on that link and get the whole story.
Remember, this is Poppy Bush's partner at The Carlyle Group.
This is the loan-money-to-Hitler Mafia of 2003.
But the press has no interest in a story like that
because Matt Drudge says he heard
a rumor that Clinton shared a Coke with a lady at a fund raiser and - she had blonde hair!
Ladies and Gentlemen, American's mainstream press in the year
In Our Name
A statement of conscience against war and repression
Not in our name will you wage endless war there can be
no more deaths no more transfusions of blood for oil
Not in our name will you erode the very freedoms you have claimed to fight for
Not by our mouths will we let fear silence us
"On 60 Minutes, Clinton said Bush has 'cut'
homeland security. Only in Washington
could somebody say that the budget for a never-before-in-existence agency was a cut.
A cut from what? From what somebody wanted?"
--Rush, who puts making more millions before America's safety
Pigboy, you're damn right.
We want to be immune from murder from Bush's former business partners.
Excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse the fuck out of us.
I think we're going to lose West Wing.
Wednesday night, there was no West
Robert Bianco, USA Today's TV Critic, says NBC pre-empted West Wing.
because it has been "faltering in the ratings" as of late.
I trust Robert Bianco, but I think he was
repeating the NBC party line.
You can't tell me that America would rather watch a Law & Order repeat,
(Remember, Law & Order is on prime time three hours a week, and countless
cable rerun hours) than a new episode of West Wing.
NBC is the same money-grubbing corporation
that fired Donahue to make room for Mike Savage.
They're also the same Nazi bastards that hired Tim Russert as their primary political analyst.
Seems like every time we look at the scoreboard we're father behind.
You're mistaken about 24.
They started this season at 8:00 am.
They've only had 15 shows so far.
They have 9 more hours to go this season.
Eliane, damn, that's good news.
Thanks, I'm glad I'm wrong.
...but they're still crazy to pre-empt their best show for American Idol.
I said what I said about Neil Young and I stand behind it because
but I don't want to lead the charge to discredit Neil - he was once one of the good guys.
I'm willing to let it go - unless he takes further steps to the right.
That being said, I asked for links and quotes and I got them.
Click Here to hear Neil praise the Patriot Act
Click Here for more
Subject: lying Pigboy
I was listening to the vulgar pigboy today
and he called Clinton a slut and then went on about how
Clinton should support his country, blah, blah, blah. Remember during the Balkans war the pigboy
used to say over and over " I can support the troops and not support the President "
Now the pigboy says if you don't support
the unelected fraud you are a traiter.
Can't the ditto-monkeys see through this shit?
It drives me nuts!
The man who got on Rush';s show and said, "Am I on?"
And when Rush said, "Yes, go ahead," Bernie said, "Mega BartCop dittoes, Pigboy!"
I was at the office, talking to Vic the Nut when that happened.
Vic looked at me and said, "Did that guy just mention your name?"
And I said, "Not sure, let's back the tape up and listen to it again,"
I had my cheapie boom box tape recorder running when Bernie hit
that home run.
I have the wave file somewhere, I hope I can find it.
But Bernie, that crap Rush said is the kind of stuff I'm going
to plunge down his throat.
I'm going to be so cruel to Rush, that staunch liberals will write to ask me to throttle back my attacks.
I'm going to get mail that says, "Bart, you gotta ease up on Rush. What you're doing is wrong!"
I promise to be f-ing brutal to those who deserve it the most.
Subject: thank you
Dear Bartcop Editor:
I apologize for not knowing your name. But
please let me extend you my thanks for having the courage
to spread the truth about this strange time we're living in through the Web.
I know you probably won't acknowledge me.
I'm just an Everywoman. A working stiff who's sitting here
tired after another thankless day at the job. Travailing for (what we used to call) the Establishment.
Only now people like me have the more thankless job of supporting an Establishment which is nakedly
hawking it's blatant animus towards those very people who are supporting it with their labor.
Need I speak the name of this struggle -
The very thing that "they" deny so strongly - only because it is becoming so very real.
I used to think that there was a chance
that America would live up to it's promise. Now, who knows?
I think it was Napoleon who said that "God protects the insane, idiots, and the United States of America".
Perhaps our beautiful Republic can only survive through sheer luck. The sleepiness our fellow citizens have
displayed since the horrible right wing attacks on our President Clinton to the felonious appointment of
shit-for-brains, jr. to the brink of destruction we are standing on today is appalling.
God help us. We are not helping ourselves.
Only through beautiful opposition can our Republic be saved.
That is how desperate the situation has become. I think we must ape the founding fathers again and pledge
our lives, our fortunes, and our sacred honor to restoring this country.
I have lived in Europe in my time.
Once, on a ride on the autobahn from Nurnberg to Munich we stopped at Dachau
because my French friend wanted to see the detritus of the despotism which his father had almost died fighting against in 1940.
We couldn't even leave the parking lot. The evil that emanated from the spot stopped us in our tracks and we left.
From that day I decided to stand in opposition
to Fascism in any and every form in which it manifested itself.
And the smell of Fascism came strongly from the father and even stronger from the son.
We must be strong. These people are the enemies of our freedom.
a Real Democrat from Georgie
Monday's USA Today said New York, Washington, San Francisco etc
were expecting peace marches
again this Saturday - with crowds that might equal the millions we saw the weekend of Feb 15-16.
If you go, consider adding bartcop.com to your banner and take a picture that we can publish.
Subject: As true as it gets
In Wednesday's Bonus Issue, you wrote:
> "The damage this moron is doing to America's reputation is incalculable."
I don't think anyone could summarize the
current situation better than that.
That was the best compliment I've had all week.
I'm old - I've seen almost every extra-stupid idea that's come
along in the last 40 years,
but I've never seen anything as stupid as changing "french fries" to "freedom fries."
Can you get any more stupid than that?
In Ditto-Monkeyland, that's going to teach the French a lesson.
Today, I heard Brit Hume
quote the French Ambassador. This is what he claimed the ambassador said.
"We think the situation is far too serious,
deadly and dangerous to
worry about what some Americans choose to call their potatos.*"
I've never been more proud to be French.
You didn't know I was French?
Suuuuuuure, how do you think I earned this?
Subject: Del Castillo, Band of the Year
Your buddies Del Castillo won band of the
year, best song, best album, and several other awards
last night at the Austin Chronicle Music awards surprising nearly everybody (except their fans).
Hey, when I said my very good friend Ricky was the best guitar player in Texas, I wasn't kidding.
Will Ferrell hosts Dave - with Chris Rock - tonight
Chris Rock got a star on the Hollywood Walk O'Fame yesterday
Pete Townshend may be off the hook (so to speak)
Norman Lear co-writing 'South Park'
Seinfeld in Vegas
Rolling Stones censored in China
Ron Jeremy's 50th birthday
The Beastie Boys have a free download
Kelly Osbourne bought her own house
Daytime Emmy nominations
Subject: Charlie Daniels
How do you that Charlie Daniels has been at your house?
The toilet isn't flushed and your cat is pregnant.
This is true - Daniels knocked up Fluffy back in 1978.
Plus, did you know he's a racist bastard?
We're buying broadcasting equipment.
I have a microphone.
I got headphones and an FX box.
We're almost there!
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Wish us luck, and consider joining the team!
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