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 Monday,   March 31             Dave is back tonight, after recovering from his first illness in 25 years!    We missed you, Dave.


"We will seize this moment of American promise... For eight years, the Clinton/Gore administration
  has coasted through prosperity. And the path of least resistance is always downhill. But America’s
  way is the rising road. This nation is daring and decent and ready for change.
    -- The Moron, Aug 3, 2000, who later was handed a stolen White House,

 Much of what he said was true.
 We did coast thru eight years of prosperity, and Bush changed that.

 "I'm a greedy monkey.
   I'll kill for oil, but I won't die for it.
  That's the job of the poor and the black."

 Egypt: Bush's war could make '100 bin Ladens'

  Click  Here

 Egypt called for a new Iraq peace push in the face of the "appalling human tragedy"
 resulting from the fighting there, warning that it could produce "100 Osama bin Ladens

"I fear this war will have enormous consequences and lead to an increase in terrorism.
 When this war ends, there may be 100 bin Ladens instead of just one," he said.

"The war will have political, economic and social consequences that will be difficult to face."

 The whole world was with us after 9-11, but then the greedy Monkeyboy and the B.F.E.E.
 saw their chance to make a power grab for the entire Midele East and look where we are.
 We are the most hated and most feared country on the planet.

 Invading Iraq was never about 9-11, and the proof is they've been planning to invade
 since about 1995. The B.F.E.E. wants to steal that oil, but first they had to steal the election.

 This adds further to the 9-11 conspiracy theories, because none of this would be possible
 if 9-11 had been discovered and aborted before it happened.

 Thanks to the Handjob loser who stole the White House, we could be facing a rash
 of restaurant suicide bombings like Israel has endured for a dozen years or so.

 ...all because Gore refused to fight, the press wanted to make more money, Ralph Nader
 has an ego the size of Texas, the crooked bitches on the Supreme Court, the Florida Democrats
 wanted to eat turkey instead of count votes - they all have a hand in this, but the murdering
 bastards in the B.F.E.E. are the real problems - they must be stopped before it's too late.

Isn't that a strange thing to put in your cartoon?

Equating the murder of Iraq (and our boys)
with a bad movie by Cuba Gooding Jr?

 US soldiers in Iraq "asked" to pray for Squatter
  The B.F.E.E. uses God to steal billions from Social Security

  Click  Here

 Thousands of marines have been given a pamphlet called "A Christian's Duty,"
 a mini prayer book which includes a tear-out section to be mailed to the White House
 pledging the soldier who sends it in has been praying for Bush.

 Sunday's is "Pray that the President and his advisers will seek God and his wisdom
 daily and not rely on their own understanding".

 Oh please!
 So it's God's fault that Rummy didn't send enough troops in the first place?

 Monday's reads "Pray that the President and his advisers will be strong and
 courageous to do what is right regardless of critics".

 How about, "Pray that seniors have a dime left when the B.F.E.E. is done stealing."
 How about, "Pray that this moron doesn't get us all killed in WWIII."


"The Arab League has appealed to the United Nations Security Council to stop the war.
 One can only hope the Security Council will agree to intervene. How would they stop us?
 Would France threaten us with war? Young men across America would have to enlist as
 a matter of honor.  The Army could use as its recruiting slogan: "Are you afraid to fight
 the French?" Even liberals would enlist as a way to pick up glorious service with no risk of injury."
    --French Fry Ann Coulter, from her hate page


 Ann, are you gobbling for French Fries or Freedom Fries?

 Have you noticed where Bush is giving all his speeches these days?
 He'll only agree to talk in a room where anyone who speaks against him will be court-martialed.
 Intimidation and fear are B.F.E.E. staples.

 He's a brave son of a bitch, isn't he?

 Think how many times Clinton was heckled in his eight (legal) years.  Each time, Rush would
 play the clip and then prattle on about how it was a citizen's DUTY to speak up if they weren't
 satisfied with the details the Republicans released about the president's sex life.

 Clinton got heckled because he walked amonst the people who elected him.
 The Corrupt Commander can't do that.
 You see, he was appointed by crooked judges.
 His bodyguards will only escort him to places where he'll be worshipped.
 And if it's a place where nobody will worship him, they'll bus Republicans in.

"They hate me in California, so I turned Kenny Boy loose on them.
 Kenny Boy made $500M one day, and I called it 'market forces.' "

For anyone - click to order

For Mom's first cup o' Chinaco

close up

Buy one for each member of your family.

For Dad

For younger Democrats
Click to order


"The answer is obvious: there is only one way to truly support our soldiers,
  and that's to bring them home.
     - - David Lynch

 David Lynch, director of Mulholland Drive, which made me a Naomi Watts fan, so we rented The Ring
 this wekend and it's one damn sppokky movie, let me tell you. Of course, it broke all the rules, but if you
 can get past that and not ask a lot of questions about science and logic, it was plenty damn creepy.

 You probably wouldn't want to watch this on tape, by yourself, at night.
 Koresh forbid the phone rang after you finished watching - by yourself - at night...
 Trust me - you'd start praying.

 Bullshit CNN Poll this morning...

 Something to the effect of "Do you think we have enough troops in Iraq"

 23% No
 77% Yes

 They must have called the same sampling group
 that thinks Saddam is responsible for 9-11.


 Maybe they meant, "Don't send any more boys over there to die."


"I've decided to join the Coalition of the Willing:
  Dear Mr. Bush, Please send my $4M to the same
  address registered with the IRS. Thank you."
    --Post on

 Gee, that sounds like a FOX outlet, but I guess not.

 From:  Nomen

 I found some more pix of your friends.


 The pissed off war vet designated to shine the spotlight on libbies.

 Hey, Monkey, you must have the wrong guy.
 I'm not for Iraq winning this war.

 What's wrong with your monkey brain?
 Have you been listening to Rush again?

 I don't want to have to have an Iraq War Memorial in DC.
 You apparently want one with thousands of names on it.
 Why do you hate the military so much that you want them dead?

 President Pinhead and blood-thirsty Rummy proved they can't run a war.
 They're going to get an awful lot of people killed, and for what?
 So Bush can steal their oil?

 Clinton never sent a man into battle that didn't come home.
 Can Reagan say that?
 Can Bush the Pardoner say that?
 Can our stupidest president ever say that?

 Next time do your homework.

 Subject: Disgusted in Milwaukee

 Hi Bart, love your website!

 Most of my friends are screaming idiot Right-wing idiots.
 This past weekend, they said that Fox Whore News was LIBERAL!
 Do they even pay attention???  I told them to read Alterman's book,
 but they said they didn't want to read liberal propaganda.

 They went on to explain that we had every right to attack Saddam because he sponsors terrorism.
 I want something that I can use in an argument against them, not that they'll listen.
 Keep up the good work, and the phenomenal website!

 Ben B

 Ben, tell them about the 

 Here's how the BartPhone works:
 You dial 918-493-1500 and after my "Hello,"
 you or they have two minutes to pitch their bitch or say your piece.
 We'll then feed the fun calls into the computer for BartCop Radio.

 Why are we doing this?  Several reasons:
 1. You'll think I'm kidding, but a phone with two lines in and one line out costs $1600?
     We don't have that kind of bling-bling yet, so this'll be a step in that direction.
      ...and that's just for two lines.  So if I have a co-host, which will happen a little
     or a lot, depending on how it goes, that only leaves one incoming line.
     A phone with three incoming lines costs $3200, and that's getting the cheapie
     that doesn't even include the seven-second delay button, which we'll need because...

2. ...of the stalker problem: Anyone who's been to the live chat knows we have a group of people
     who have dedicated their lives to anti-bartcopism. They will go to any lengths, they will spend
     money on long distance calls to get around firewalls or whatever those are. Their primary masturbatory
     scenario is engaging in oral sex with an African American man. I'm not sure why they fixated on that,
     probably because they are Republicans (racist pigs).  But the people hosting the BartPhone have
     sophisticated caller ID equipment, and they work with the FBI to arrest the dangerous people.

 This doesn't mean Republicans aren't welcome to call - no, we WANT that to happen.
 We want you to call in with your toughest questions, and don't bother to say "I dare you to play this call."
 because I live for the challenge. If you make it semi-clean, and you have a GOP point of view - perfect!
 You're guanteed to get on. ...and tell your friends.  But if you're fixated on oral sex with an AA, or you want to
 call in a death threat, you should know that they'll catch you. I'm signing papers today that says I guarantee
 up-front that I will assist in the prosecution of any of you weirdo stalkers out there.

 I know what you're thinking - why do we have to pay for the call?

 Well, we go back to the stalkers. They are as dedicated as those Al Qaeda monsters.
 They live and breathe allllll day. It's all they think about, like being in love.
 If we had an 800 number, they would spend the money to dial into Hong Kong just so they could
 call America and leave a five-hour message during the night so I'd have to pay for it.

 Besides, it's a two-minute maximum phone call. If you had BartCop Long Distance (less than 10 cents a minute)
 the most you could spend on a call would be 20 cents. If you don't have 20 cents, how'd you get a computer?

 So let's try this and see what happens.  Seems like it'll work.
 And unlike Rush, I won't be playing wall-to-wall "Bart is God" calls.

 Step by step, we're getting closer to BartCop Radio.

 Call now!    918-493-1500

Only a whore could love this war.


"What was supposed to be a ten-day sprint towards Baghdad ended yesterday when the Marines
  11th regiment came to rest. The force had all but exhausted its supplies of fuel, food rations,
  ammunition and water, and morale was at an all-time low. Some units were down to just one day's
  supply of food. Many of the vehicles' fuel gauges were close to the red."
     -- Chris Ayres,  Beans, bullets and Band-aids in short supply

" this war being managed by idiots?"

 Great question, Dim.
 How can the richest army on the planet run out of food, water, ammo and gas?
 Could it be because someone was in too big a hurry to shoot their wad?
 Could it be because one crazy man refuses to listen to his generals?
 Could it be because the BFEE has other, and hidden, priorities?

Marty's E! page
Chris Rock is on Jon Stewart
Wanda on Jimmy Kimmel w/ co-host Mike Tyson
Lifetime's 'Intimate Portrait' is Niki Taylor
Baron Dave Romm compares Panama & Iraq.
SARS cancells the in Hong Kong
Pete Fountain is quitting night clubs
'Urban Cowboy' didn't close
Van Gogh (D-all-time greatest) would have turned 150 yesterday
Hungry Marines, friendly Iraqi's & 'Hotel California'
And, the top 10 movies in North America



"This is a bad war, because it has nothing to do with the defense of America.
  Iraq doesn't have weapons of mass destruction. Bush has told an enormous lie
  to the international community; to the American people. And now we're in Iraq
  --carrying out the right-wing neo-conservative motives of a handful of people;
  the Richard Perle's, Paul Wolfowitz's; the Dick Cheney's. And we've allowed
  them to hijack our foreign policy."
    --Scott Ritter,  US Will Lose the Iraq War

 NBC Fires Peter Arnett for Telling the Truth
  The truth is bad if it's on Iraqi TV

  Click  Here

 NBC said it fired Arnett after he told Iraqi TV the U.S. plan against Saddam had failed.

 First of all, that's close to what he said.
 This clumsy-ass writer doesn't make it clear if Reuters is lying or NBC is lying,
 but I'll put my money on whore NBC to be the liars, because GE wants another tax cut
 and they love the amount of cash they're making from Bush's bloody oil war.

 Wait, there's one more reason why GE loves the Illegal Usurper, what could it be...?


 Yeah, a five-billion dollar tax break would make a difference, wouldn't it?
 Under President Gore, NBC would have to pay taxes like you and me.
 But under the Corrupt Commander, they keep an extra 5 billion dollars!

 Since they're making an extra five billion under President Pinhead, they hire Tim Russert
 to lie like the whore he is and get him to fabricate quotes he knows are lies. They also tell
 Russert to get instructions from Mr Rove - all to grease the skids for the idiot Bush boy
 who has never been in a fair fight one time in his whole damn life.

 Anyway, ...this is what Arnett said:
"America is re-appraising the battlefield, delaying the war, maybe a week, and re-writing the war plan.
 The first war plan has failed because of Iraqi resistance now they are trying to write another war plan."

 I agree Iraqi TV was the wrong place to tell the truth, but consider:
The American assault HAS stopped or slowed to a crawl.
    We can say it's for re-grouping, or re-supplying, or we can tell the truth.
   The White House has been screaming "Cake walk!!" for months, and even the head general admitted
   "This isn't the fight we war-gamed against."
Rummy has such a hardon for war, he attacked while the troops that were supposed to invade thru Turkey
   got on a boat and were heading towards Kuwait.  Rummy felt like he had enough troops, so he ordered them in.
Last Friday, Britain's Army chief, Mike Jackson said,  "Armies cannot keep moving forever without stopping from
   time to time to regroup, to ensure their supplies are up. It's a pause while people get sorted out for what comes next."
I feel sorry for the young men, and I do mean young. Some of these guys are 20 years old and they were told
    all they'd have to do is welcome the surrendering cowards - but the cowards surprised Rummy and fought back.

 So Peter Arenett get fired for telling the truth at the wrong time to the wrong people.

 Remember the new rules of war under Bush:
The truth is bad.
All stories must first be cleared with Mr Rove.
Praise the fake president at every opportunity
The Democrats are unpatriotic appeasers, just like Chamberlain in WWII.
Tell the Americans that the war is "ahead of schedule," no matter what, and be sure to say
  "We're suffering fewer casualties than we expected," no matter how high the body bags pile up.

 Wait - can you hear that?

 It's Edward R Murrow's ghost crying.


"Hi, my name is Greg Palast. I'm a critic of the Bush administration and I'm still alive."
   -- my recollection of what I was told recently by a pillar named Reef.

"...wait, we don't kill people, do we?
 Oh, those Barrick miners? They committed suicide in that mine.
 Regretably, their mass suicides allowed Daddy's partners to corner
 the market on gold refining, but maybe we just have good luck!

 How do you think I got to be president?"

 Dear Bart,

 I have to read your website every day
 so that I know I am not going crazy.

 Thank you for saving my sanity.


We're coming... country at a time.

 Think you can stop us?

 Giving War a Bad Name


  Click  Here

 One former GOP appointee said he and his allies were looking at
 “whether this heavily-blinkered president has learned something from
 all this nonsensical bullshit bum advice he has been getting.”

Wrong, that oil belongs to the B.F.E.E..
Why do you think we're dying for it?

 We get donations...

 One said, "Invasive Species Control (B.F.E.E. erradication)"

 ha ha

 Another fella sent a rather large contribution so I called him.
 He agreed to send some audio files for BartCop Radio, and he sent this:

                             ha ha

 Be sure to check out

 Before long, you'll witness the birth of .

 Wish us luck, and consider joining the team!

 Help make BartCop Radio an April thing, rather than a May-June thing.

   The  is here!      918-493-1500

 You pay for the call, but it only lasts two minutes.
 If you had the BartCop Long Distance Dialing Plan,
 you could phone in your opinion or question for less than twenty cents!

 Is  worth $5 a month?

 Is  Bartcop Radio  worth $10 a month?

 Is  Bartcop Radio  worth $25 a month?


 You say you can't afford to subscribe?
 What happens if Bush wins  steals another four years?
 Can you afford that?

 They own the TV networks, the papers, the news magazines and talk radio.

 The Internet Resistance is all we have.

 Reminder: It's the end of the month, and we get matching funds if you subscribe.

 Click  Here   to turn ten dollars into twenty dollars.

 Subject: Some Iraqis came out to feed hungry marines

 It is interesting that in a country under attack, some Iraqis took notice of the lack of food rations
 and brought meals to hungry marines. These are the people that the BFEE wants to kill?
 I know there are evil people there, but there are apparently many good ones too, just like anywhere.
 This reminds me of neighbors helping a hungry family in their neighborhood.
 Under the circumstances, this is just amazing.


 It's only ninety days until fresh corn on the cob.

 Bixby, Oklahoma grows the best corn in the world.
 If there was a God, that's what he'd eat, and chase it with Chinaco Anejo.

 Mmmmm, can't beat that.

"Speal louder - I can barely hear you!!!"

 Dear Bart,

 I've been hesitant to contribute because my job is on the chopping block
 due to massive cuts in state aid to New York schools.

 But the bombs started falling, so you swing that hammer.
 I'll join Robert Byrd and weep for my country.


 Our audio mail box

 This is for radio bits, sound bites, parody songs -etc.
 We need pretty much everything - if it's short and funny - send it.

 Advertising on

 For a limited time, you can buy two ads for $80 or ten ads for $300.

the business address for more details.
 Also, page advertisers will be mentioned on the sure-to-be-a-smash hit 


"I can command my vehicle. I can keep it from being attacked. What I have not been
  trained to do is look over my shoulder to see whether an American is shooting at me."
    --Lance Corporal of Horse Steven Gerrard, speaking from his hospital bed in the Gulf,
      Wounded British soldiers condemn US 'cowboy' pilot 

 Subject: Wolf the Whore

 The other day Wolfie had a poll on his section of the CNN website.  The question was
"Did the commanders of Operation Iraqi Freedom underestimate the number of troops that would be needed?"
 Did the commanders???  Hell for 9 months the commanders had been screaming at Rummy, Cheney et al
 that they needed more troops.  They were overruled because some crooked Iraqi con man, Ahmad Chalabi,
 convinced these morons that the Iraqis would throw down their weapons and shower our troops with flowers.
 And here is Wolf the Whore joining the Rove propaganda machine in trying to place the blame for the
 coming quagmire on the generals, the soldiers who're having to fight the illegal moron's war.
 Disgusting, just disgusting.
 Paul N

 hey, anything to protect the BFEE and keep their secrets.

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