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Volume 1034 - Surprisingly well

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 Tuesday, April 1 


"Bush is due for a reality check. We need allies whenever we contemplate
   such drastic actions, and our allies are worried about his constant saber rattling.
   Some day he is going to try to give a war and nobody is going to come"
      --Helen Thomas

"War is good - oil is good.
 God told me to murder Iraq."

 Iraq War Boosts Islamic Militant Recruiting 
  Just like everyone said it would, but Smirky loves war

  Click  Here

 Riding a wave of anti-American sentiment, outlawed Islamic extremist organizations
 that were routed by the U.S.-led war in Afghanistan in 2001 are making a comeback.

"Militants know that the United States is fully engaged in Iraq and that has diluted their
 focus on the war on terror," said Riffat Hussein, a political analyst.  "The militants feel
 the government will not maintain as close a watch on them because the American
 pressure to keep down or stop all together the activities of militants is off."

 Oh, vengeful God, what did we do to anger you so?
 Why did you force the unelected idiot on us?


"If I had won the Oscar for a movie about birds or insects,
  I'd say something about them in my acceptance speech.
  But I made a movie about violence - global violence,
  so I felt I had to say something about that."
    -- Michael Moore

 By the way, Bowling for Columbine is out on video next week, I think.
 I'm looking forward to seeing that and writing a review.

America's finest,
guarding the B.F.E.E.'s assets.

 Subject: i would personally... to beat the smirk off of arron brown's face

 dave from joliet

 Can I tape it?
 I know the gang at MWO would like to see that...

"Hey, I'm The Smirk."

For anyone - click to order

For Mom's first cup o' Chinaco

For Dad


"I guess MTV doesn't have a research department, because from Day 1
  we've said in interviews that our name is a slang term for the bouffant
  hairdo Kate and Cindy used to wear --nothing to do with bombers."
    --Fred Schneider of the B-52's, responding to an MTV Europe memo recommending
       that songs or groups with military themes not be played during the Iraq war

 ha ha

 The world is so stupid...

 Subject: Revelations: Houston we have a Whore of Babylon

 Considering that the whore media is embedded (pun intended) and they happen
 to be in Babylon, I guess that would make them the whores of Babylon.

 Maybe St. John was right, it's the end of the world as we know it.  Or maybe
 St. John had a little too much Galileean peyote tea and we are simply fucked,
 by the media and our government.  Either way real freedom lovers are screwed
 unless they stand up and make sure that they are heard.

 You are the island of hope in a sea of right wing filth and repression.
 Keep slammin that hammer.

 Greg K.

Please visit our sponsors


"It's conceded by the state of Texas that married couples can't be regulated in their
  private sexual decisions," says Smith. To which Scalia rejoins, "They may have
  conceded it, but I haven't."...Smith explains that the anti-sodomy laws have pernicious
  secondary effects—keeping gay parents from gaining child visitation or custody or
  employment, for instance—and Rehnquist wonders whether, if these laws are stuck down,
  states can have laws "preferring non-homosexuals to homosexuals as kindergarten teachers."
  Smith replies that there would need to be some showing that gay kindergarten teachers
  produce harm to children. Scalia offers one: "Only that children might be induced to
  follow the path to homosexuality."
   --Dahlia Lithwick The Supreme Court Tries Sodomy…  on

 I have a question - those gay-bashing 'defense of marriage" assholes are always screaming at
 some gay couple who want to share insurance benefits and hospital visiting privileges but they
 never "defend" marriage when Rupert Murdoch auctions off some slut to be married on FOX.

 Jesus, those Joe Millionaire and Married by America shows cheapen marriage far more than
 any gay couple could, but the Laura-the-Aborter types are always screaming at the gays.

 Could it be that Murdoch hates Clinton and likes tax cuts, so that's why they forgive him?
 That would prove it's all politics and they're just lying about "defending" marriage.

 Frauds, whores and charlatans - every damn one of them, from Laura to Mickey Medved
 to Bill Bennett (R-College Rapist?) all the way down to the vulgar Pigboy.

 They're only interested in taking money from the stupes.
 They wouldn't know honesty if it bit them on the ass.

 Damn, I wish I had some substantive monkey mail today.
 My boot wants to get in some monkey ass in the worst way.

 The Miscalculations of Yes-Men
   by William Rivers Pitt

  Click  Here

 To say that the current debacle in Iraq is the fault of Don Rumsfeld is to miss entirely the
 structure, mindset and functionality of the Bush administration.  CIA officials, as well as analysts
 from the State and Defense Department, warned the administration that American forces would
 face stiff and deadly resistance from Iraqi forces.  These warnings were utterly ignored.  The spin
 now is that these views were not presented "forcefully" enough, intimating that Bush was not given
 all of the facts in the manner required.

 This is nonsense.

 What has happened is clear. Bush wanted war on Iraq, period.  He is surrounded by a mob of
 yes-men who also wanted war, and so they made sure that only the rosiest of predictions were
 listened to in the planning stages.

 We now have the 

 Here's how the BartPhone works:
 Dial 918-493-1500 and after my "Hello," you have two minutes to say your piece.
 We'll then feed the fun calls into the computer for BartCop Radio.

 Someday we'll be able to have a live phone - they are very expensive.
 They say the ones the radio stations use are $25K

 We want Republicans to call - that makes it interesting.
 If you have a decent long distance carrier, the call will only cost 20 cents.

 Step by step, we're getting closer to BartCop Radio.

 Click  Here for a message from Bart, and some calls from last night.

 I still can't believe this idea worked...

 Call now!   918-493-1500

 Bush monkeys and ditto-wanks welcome, too.

Ya gotta love those Freepers


"This is not a crisis. The plan is going surprisingly well so far...the key fact
   to keep in mind is that U.S. forces drove to within 50 miles of the capital
   in just six days without being engaged by regular Iraqi forces."
     -- Newt the Scumbag (R-Divorced his wife on her deathbed)

 Jesus Christ, Newt!
 You mean we've lost 65 men and the other side hasn't even started fighting yet?

 That doesn't tell me the war's going "surprisingly well," you crazy bastard. That tells me
 grabbag handjobs in pickup trucks are sucessful at killing our highly trained Marines.
 How did you get to be that old without learning to control your mouth?

" this war being managed by idiots?"

Marty's E! page

Tons of fun stuff


 VCR Alert

 The ultra-violent, explosive second season of The Shield ends tonight
 with Vic (Emmy and Golden Globe winner Michael Chiklis) following leads
 on a gang execution while his extra-legal strike team gang plots to take down
 the money train that the Armenian mob's been building for months.

 Swear to Koresh, this is the most money you've ever seen in your life.
 You people up north, you know the pile of snow that's in the corner
 of a Wal-Mart after a big-ass winter storm?  It's bigger than that.

 Will they get away with it?
 Will they manage to tie up all the loose plot lines?
 Or leave us dangling like David Chase?

 Dave came back last night, and he was great.
 He opened with a stab at Rummy:
"Thirty days it took me to get over the Shingles and
  according to Donald Rumsfeld, that's right on schedule."

 Plus, he did the show wacky on the junk.
 As a two-time club owner, I'm an expert on who's drunk and who's not.
 He slurred some words early, and I told Mrs Bart, "Dave's higher than I am,"
 and a few minutes later, Dave explained he was on some severe pain pills.

 Dave used to be a full-tilt alky, so last night was probably the first time
 in 25 years that he performed with that great big buzz - he was funny, too.

 Also tonight, 24.
 Can Kim break her record of being kidnapped twice in ten minutes?
 I say she can!

 Also, the Three Stooges 75 Anniversary is tonight on NBC.
 The only way it could be better is if they had Tom Arnold hosting -
 wait, I was just kidding, but they do have him, but I'll watch anyway.

 I'll always have a soft spot for the Three Stooges, not only because
 I grew up watching them, but the first time I had the pleasure of tasting
 God's flowers I was hosting a Stoogefest in my door room.


"I don't understand what is floating his ship except patriotism and terrorism concerns,"
  said one conservative Republican political strategist quoted in the NY Whore Times.
"If the tide turns, there's nothing else that keeps his boat afloat. There's a sort of feeling
  out there of, `Where is this thing going?' We were all happy to follow President Bush into this,
  but we're now starting to look up at the hillside and wondering who's up there."

 The Monkey President is going to get a whole lot of brave men killed.

 Just now, I read some Monkey mail from
 It said:

 Personal message:  to ALL you faggots.

 and there was a picture of a Marine, crying at the memorial service for three fallen comrades.

 I reminded Mr fucku that we want fewer dead marines.
 Since we're "faggots" who want fewer dead, and he clearly hates us
 and our position on the war, that can only mean he wants more dead.

 This is what happenes when an unelected brainless monkey steals
 control and then sees something that someone else has that he wants.
 But hey, we've "only" lost 65 men (at last count) and Newt says this the war going "surprisingly well."

 You watch, years from now, they will still focus on the 22 men who Bush sent to Somalia
 and they'll continue to ignore Reagan's 241, Poppy's 140 and the hundreds? lost for Iraq's oil.

 Just keep the focus on Clinton's zipper - that's the key to success in journalism and broadcasting.

 Bush twins volunteer for war on Iraq
  Other politicians' children follow

  Click  Here

 George Bush announced Tuesday that his two children--twins Barbara and Jenna
 --have joined the Army in order to take part in the military action against Iraq.

“They want to help their country,” said Bush during a press conference. “They’ve heard
 me and my administration talk about how Saddam Hussein is a very bad man. A mad man.
 A sad man. Behind blue eyes. Won’t get fooled again.

 “He has nucular weapons and sarin gas and anthrax and West Nile and nerve gas and
 all kinds of other stuff. And he’s going to use it to destroy the world, including the greatest
 country in history, the one that is closest to my heart. And after he attacks Israel, he might
 even attack the United States.  Of America.

 from our friends at

 We're trying to help our Amish partners recover from a big mistake.
 They packaged up the wrong Cedar Chest!
 We're shipping a new one out right away.

 Because of increased fuel prices, it would cost $180 to ship the old one back.
 So we've got a special deal for Bartcop fans in the Las Vegas area:


 Erik Schimek

Thanks to Micah Wright


"Celine Dion playing Vegas:
  the second worst thing happening in a desert right now."
         - Lewis Black

"Prophets Without Honor"

"Toe To Toe With The Empire"
 American Priests Spend Years in Prison

"Prophets Without Honor", non-fiction, by William Strabala, former reporter
 for The Denver Post and the Rocky Mountain News; co-author, Mike Palecek.

"A book to inspire us all, because it looks beyond the false gods of  our time,
 the ruthless political leaders, the timid intellectuals, the stars of People magazine
- and tells the story of the bravest people in America."
                                 - Howard Zinn

  Click  Here  for more information

We're coming... country at a time.

 Think you can stop us?


 "Former New Republic editor Andrew Sullivan, who has used his pro-war Web site,, to document many of the BBC's excesses, refers to the Beeb,
   as it's called, as "the Baghdad Broadcasting Corp."
      --Tim Rutten, Grasping a war told in real time

 How does Andrew Sullivan have any credibility at all?
 He's always been a whore's whore, since I first heard his name years ago.
 Despite being a bareback, HIV-positive homosexual, he's been crowned
 the queen of the GOP, all the while wearing the "liberal" title on his sleeve.

 But because he was willing to slur the last elected president at every opportunity,
 the GOP media monopoly has made him a queenpin of the media.

 And as far as the "Baghdad Broadcasting Corp," well sure, anyone who isn't
 in lockstep with America's new fascist party has to be a Saddam sympathizer.

 One side effect - it's giving uneducated dorks like Ol' Bart a lot of credibility.
 Jesus, these days, all you gotta do is tell the truth and people respect you.

 Sorry, I missed something else on your website that I thought I should comment on.
 Clinton sent soldiers that did not come home either, what about Somalia.
 130 Men died in Mogadishu.

 Clinton was president when those men died, but he didn't send troops to Somalia.
 We lost 22 marines there, where did you get the figure of 130?

 Come on Bart, your making this to easy.

 Sir, look at the scoreboard - you have no points.
 You might want to land a punch before taking your victory laps.

 And another thing, while your bellyaching about Bush Sr, and Reagan and their foreign
 policy screwups, lets talk about Carter and Iran, or how about Korea and Clinton.
 Your side had made mistakes to.

 Carter couldn't make a deal with Iran because Bush illegally offered them a better deal
 if they would continue holding the hostages. It's not Carter's fault that the B.F.E.E.,
 with the help of the CIA, undermined his legal efforts to save those hostages, and it wasn't
 Carter's fault that the military couldn't get six goddamn helicopters to work in the sand.

 If they came to Carter and said, "But Sir, our choppers won't fly in the sand," and Carter
 said, "Dammit, follow your orders," then it might be Carter's fault.

 Clinton contained Korea and got them to unplug their reactor. When Bush said
 "We will root out terror in the Axil of Evil," Korea broke the deal and started taking
 measures to defend themselves. Bush needs never-ending wars to get people to forget
 they have no job, no savings and no health care.

 Iraq picked a fight with Iran, and we backed them up, yes with chemical weapons.
 But in 1988, when he used them on his own people, the U.N voted UNAMINOUSLY
 to condem him (us included).

 Yeah, so why did Cheney repair Saddam's oil fields in the 90s?
 Could it be because he knew he'd own them someday, so might as well let Saddam
 foot the bill for new pipelines and updated derricks?

 And one more thing, If your side wanted us to go through the U.N to handle Iraq,
 why are they not doing the same with Korea.  The dems think Korea is a bigger threat,
 and they say "WE" must deal with them first, not the United Nations.

 Every sane person I know thinks Korea is a bigger problem than Iraq.
 Only the insane bunch in the White House sees Saddam as a "threat"
 because they have a hardon for his oil.

 But you know why, because Korea will never use them, they just want attention.

 Could it be possible to make a bigger mistake than that last sentence?
"Don't worry, the North Koreans will never use their nukes?"
 I'd sure like to play some high-stakes poker with you.

 Scott Gorney

 No, under Reagan, Bush and Bush, we sell them weapons, then stonewall the investigation,
 then lie about it, then commit perjury over it, then pardon the guilty when they get convicted of it.

 Your score is still zero, but I enjoy arguing with you.

 Before long, we'll have .

 Wish us luck, and consider joining the team!
 Help make BartCop Radio an April thing, rather than a May-June thing.

 Is  worth $5 a month?

 Is  Bartcop Radio  worth $10 a month?

 Is  Bartcop Radio  worth $25 a month?


 You say you can't afford to subscribe?
 What happens if Bush wins  steals another four years?
 Can you afford that?

 They own the TV networks, the papers, the news magazines and talk radio.

 The Internet Resistance is all we have.

 Reminder: It's the end of the month, and we get matching funds if you subscribe.

 Click  Here   to turn ten dollars into twenty dollars.

 Suppose the Iraqis' brought the dead bodies of Saddam and his 2 sons out of Baghdad,
 then announced: ''The USA got what it wanted, now go home."

 I wonder what Bush would do.

 John W

 John, he would steal their oil.

 Subject: "Feed the Children" Campaign

 Dear Bart,

 I read you everyday, just to keep the meager grip on my sanity. This past weekend
 I was watching a program that's been around for years--"Feed the Children". I was
 always under the impression this effort was for third world countries. To my amazement
 and disgust they were actually asking for money donations to help feed American children
 whose parents are currently in Iraq!

 I realize I might very well be in the minority here, but I find it repulsive that we continue,
 as a country, to brag about our military might, our humanitarian effort in Iraq, blah, blah, blah.
 It would appear our service people could use a government sponsored humanitarian effort
 here at home--to feed their children. Sickening.

 The final insult is asking Marines to sign a pledge card to pray for Bush,
 while they are the ones in combat.

 Thanks, Bart for letting me get this off my chest!


 Roslyn, don't forget - we offered Turkey $25 billion to let us borrow some
 land for a few months, but the families of our soldiers still have to beg for food.

 A remember the lying moron said, "Help is on the way," at every campaign stop.
 He screwed the military, has gotten quite a few of them killed for no goddamn reason
 other than he wants to steal Saddam's toys - and the military LOVES him and they
 hate Clinton for lying about an affair that he shouldn't have even been asked about.

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