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 Quotes

"Support for Saddam, including within his military organization, will collapse
  at the first whiff of gunpowder," Richard Perle predicted, echoing claims by
  Dick Cheney and others. (It should be noted that while Saddam still holds power,
  Perle does not. He was forced to resign last week after evidence surfaced that
  he had used his post to enrich himself.)"
    -- --Jay Bookman, War backers misled us and themselves
 
 

"War is good - oil is good.
 God told me to murder Iraq."

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 American troops on Tuesday rescued Army Pfc. Jessica Lynch, who had been held
 as a prisoner of war in Iraq since she and other members of her unit were ambushed
 March 23, the Defense Department announced.

 The rescued soldier's hometown erupted in celebration at the news.
"They said it was going to be the biggest party this road had ever seen," Lynch's cousin
 Sherri McFee said as fire and police sirens blared in the background.

"You would not believe the joys, cries, bawling, hugging, screaming, carrying on," said
 another cousin, Pam Nicolais, when asked about the rescue. "You just have to be here."

 POW from W.Va. rescued
 Wirt resident Jessica Lynch found after 9 days

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 It was better than winning a state championship in Wirt County on Tuesday night.
 Fire sirens blared, people drove up and down the streets of Elizabeth blowing
 vehicle horns and shouting the news that Army Pfc. Jessica Lynch had been rescued.
 Lynch was rescued more than a week after she and other members of her unit were captured.

“People are parading through town in their cars beeping horns. It’s wonderful,”
 said Linda Davies, Lynch’s kindergarten teacher who was at the house when the news came.

 Ken Heiney, principal of Wirt County High School, said he was in the middle of a county s
 chool board meeting when he found out Lynch had been found.

“My wife threw the door open and yelled, ‘They have found Jessie!’”
 Heiney said on CNN’s “Larry King Live.”

 Blaring fire sirens alerted Rose Ruble, who runs Hill’s Exxon in Elizabeth.
 “God’s still in the miracle business,” she said.
 

 Y'know, we wouldn't be celebrating her rescue if she'd been at home all this time.
 There's no reason for us to have to rescue a pretty nineteen-year old coed in the Iraqi desert.

 This is like getting the news about Elizabeth Smart being rescued.
 But like with Elizabeth Smart, (and it's none of our business) we should assume that
 this young woman has been through the hell of all hells and then pray that we're wrong.

 You know how I'm always saying that men are single-minded, sex-obsessed cavemen?
 Well, I was talking about American men, men with some level of liberalism in them.

 This next bit can't come off as racist, because it's true:
 There are no (or hardly any) natural blondes in the Middle East.
 Therefore, to cavemen in Iraq, a blonde woman is a great, great prize.
 Rumor has it that they'd prefer the makeup lady on Drew Carey to Courtney Cox.
 They just love that blonde hair. ...and a great-looking American woman who's just
 been captured by the lawless Iraqi army is in severe physical danger, to say the least.

 Thank the Keeper of the Seasons for sparing her life, but I kinda doubt we'll be
 seeing her on The Today Show chatting it up with Katie anytime really soon.

 Of course, I'd really, really like to be wrong about all this, but I'm probably not.

 It would be great to see her come thru this like Patty Hearst, who is f-ing amazing.
 Have you seen her on a talk show?

(Patty, I've been a Patty Hearst fan since the day they took you.
 Hey, want to do a weekly column for  bartcop.com?

 I heard you say on Larry King that you needed an outlet for your views.
 Well you have an outlet right here at  bartcop.com!

 You could write about anything but "Bush is a great president."
 Send e-mail to clivemore@bartcop.com  and let's get this going!

 ...a shot of Chinaco Anejo (our highest honor) for Patty Hearst! )

 I've seen Patty on TV several times - she's as funny and natural and sweet as she can be.
 Let's hope Jessica and Elizabeth can both get back home mentally, too.

 Interesting Rummy statement
   sent by migs

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 Following Sept. 11, the media lobbed fluffballs at the Bush administration. When Rumsfeld
 appeared on Larry King in Dec. 2001, for example, he admitted that at 8:00 a.m.on Sept. 11,
 he told a congressional delegation that "sometime in the next two, four, six, eight, ten, twelve
 months there would be an event that would occur in the world that would be sufficiently shocking
 that it would remind people again how important it is to have a strong healthy defense department."

 Did that raise an eyeball?
 Or inspire follow-up questions?

 No.

 King responded, "You were pretty prophetic that morning."
 

 Larry is the King of tough questions.

  This limited edition Christian soldier can be yours for only $19.95.
  He's dressed head to toe in desert camouflage, and he carries the most adorable assault rifle.
  His most endearing feature is his blissful smile, which indicates his eagerness to die to increase
  the profit margins of Exxon, Chevron, Shell, and of course, the royal Bush family.

 Show your patriotism, and buy this figurine today.

 ha ha

 ha ha

 How many can I buy for $600?

 Trust me, it's not that I think I'm super-macho or anything, but the cute-doll thing has
 never worked on me, not even once at one percent, but that lil' soldier is f-ing priceless!

 ha ha

 OK, OK, I support the war,
 Death to Iraq!
 ...and Bush isn't as stupid as the whole world thinks.
 

 Jesus Christ, we got Poppin' Fresh selling Bush's illegal oil war to f-ing children!
 
 

"What does that mean? - does Poppin' Fresh make pretzels?"

 Tech Question

 Is there a way to make MP3s with Windows?
 I need a tech to explain that to me.

 Or better question - what's the cheapest/best way to make MP3s?

 I've used Cool Edit for years in my "underground concert tapes" business,
 which cost me about $70, and it works great. BCR will have lots of contributors
 (you can be one, too!) so it would help if I knew what to recommend to people.

 Is there a better alternative to buying the $70 software and a $30 headset from Radio Shack?

 Help!

 Subject: comments from Atrios's board

 hey Bart, just ran across this comment from Atrios's board.
 WTF is this yahoo talking about? any idea? or just propaganda?
 anyway, here they are:
 

 public alert:

 if you've never been to bartcop chat - good.

 don't go.
 it's bugged and your computer will be open to sound and hardrive trespassing.

 this is how i ended up getting raped by bartcop & co.
 curious_kat
 

 Hmmm, this is the second time I've been accused of invading someone else's computer.
 The first time I was accused by Linda Starr.  (warning, nudity)

 Can't people take one look at this page and see that I don't have the skills to do that?

 The alleged "rape victim" sure was sparse with the details of "the crime."
 I didn't see the note, so I guess Atrios took the weirdo's letter down.

 We now have the 

 Call 918-493-1500 and after my "Hello," you have two minutes to say your piece.
 We'll then feed the fun calls into the computer for BartCop Radio.

 Someday we'll be able to afford a live phone hookup - they are very expensive.

 We want Republicans to call - that makes it interesting.
 If you have a decent long distance carrier, the call will only cost 20 cents.
 
 

 Last night's calls:
 Lots of calls, one from a man asking why we seem to be in every town in Iraq, killing innocents,
 when we're sure Saddam is hiding in Baghdad. He may have a point, since Rummy thinks protecting
 your back isn't necessary, we might as have dropped 1,000 chutes into Baghdad and taken care of
 business without killing Basra and those other towns.

 Another call from a lady asking about the food for oil program we've had going for years.
 We're giving them beans, rice and fresh water, and the B.F.E.E. gets all the oil, right?
 If there's a nickel to be made on death and suffering, the B.F.E.E. is right there.

 In the chat room last night, one lady said I sounded "country."

 That may, unfortunately, be true.

 I grew up in ...Denver, where people don't have accents, but when I was 16 I moved to Arkansas
 (at gunpoint) where everybody called me "Yankee" because I didn't sound Arkie enough.
 Later, I met Mrs. Bart in Fayetteville and she wanted to move in Oklahoma, so after living here
 for 27 years, I'm afraid I've been Okie-ized.

 The things we do for love.

 Click  Here  for a minute of The BartPhone yesterday:

 Sidebar:
 Until we have a show to stream, I can only put up a couple of minutes of audio.
 Streaming will be cheaper than some big-ass MP3s going out to dozens of readers.

 I also got a couple of strange calls last night.
 I spliced them together.

 Click  Here  to hear the strange call.

 But that wasn't even the wierdest part.
 He called back - check this out.

 Click  Here  to help me decide. I think we might need to bring the sex cops into this.

 Anyone have a clue?

 Call now!   918-493-1500

 Bush monkeys and ditto-wanks welcome, too.
 Step by step, we're getting closer to BartCop Radio.

 Quotes

“To many New Yorkers, the scenes of a city under siege were achingly familiar.
  New Yorkers watching the televised bombing of Baghdad yesterday said they
  were riveted by the raw and uninterrupted display of American military might.
  But for some, the bombing brought back particularly visceral and chilling memories.
  They could not help thinking about Sept. 11, and how New York, too, was once
  under assault from the skies.”
    --New York Times reporter David Chen

 Subject: Micheal Moore Moment

 Hey BC

 On the show Marketplace on NPR - I heard a journalist who was being interviewed
 from Iraq say that he was blown away by the Iraqi people's inherent kindness and tenacity.
 He was on hand when that bomb had killed so many in the marketplace last Friday, and saw
 the carnage... two Iraqi men approched him, and asked where he was from. He said he was
 from America, and he was so sorry about the devistation... they responded,

 "We know it isn't you - it's not the American people, they are good people.
   It's your government that is bad. We saw the Oscars.
  We heard Michael Moore, and the others. We know it isn't you."

 For many, MM's Oscar moment may not have been the time or place,
 but he reached MILLIONS of people with his message - OUR message.
 It has done some good.

 tally

 24

 I just realized, 24 is doing the story of the B.F.E.E.
 I'm surprised FOX (or the WH) is letting them broadcast this.

 The whole plot of this season revolves faking a war in the Middle East so a
 powerful group can steal their oil. The president's chief of staff works for the B.F.E.E.,
 and they're using former CIA types to sacrifice Los Angeles to a nuclear blast JUST
 to draw America into a stupid and bloody war the the Middle East

 Jack, the hero, is trying to stop the senseless war and expose the B.F.E.E..

 David Lynch wrote:

 Hi, I'm the author of a quote on your page. My quote was pulled from an article
 of mine that was published by AlterNet.org and DemocracyMeansYou.com

 "The answer is obvious: there is only one way to truly support our soldiers,
   and that's to bring them home."

 However, the bio that describes me is incorrect. I am not the film director.
 As is mentioned at the bottom of my article on both sites:

 David Lynch is a graphic designer, writer, political activist and
 Appalachian fiddler who lives in western North Carolina.

 Please correct this mistake.

 Thanks,

 David Lynch
 Lynch Graphics, Inc.

 mailto:david@lynchgraphics.com
 http://www.lynchgraphics.com
 

 Damn, if this keeps up, I'll need to hire a Director of Apologies.  Somehow, FOX News
 can tell 100 lies per hour and get away with it, but I get nailed by Appalachian fiddlers
 for an innocent mistake and nobody has ever heard of  bartcop.com.

 Oh well, I'll just assume it's all part of casting a wider net.

 (WTF does that mean?)

 from our friends at harmonycedar.com

 Because of increased fuel prices, we've got a special deal for Bartcop fans in the Las Vegas area:

 http://www.harmonycedar.com/bartcop.htm

 Reminders:

If it's important, contact Christian at clivemore@bartcop.com
   She can reach me right away so your important message doesn't get lost.
   It wouldn't hurt to call the BartPhone at 918-493-1500, either.

If I owe you something, assume I'm not too bright and remind me.

If you have MP3 making equipment, we need your funny stuff. MP3 equipment
    is $100 at the most, maybe cheaper. If you can make MP3s, you might make
    some side money producing MP3's for the sponsors of BartCop Radio.

Commercials on BCR will be really cheap - and we have to have commercials
    or I'd have to play Garbage, U2 and Zeppelin between segments, and nobody wants that.
    Rude Rich would shoot ( or soil) himself if he had to listen to my taste in music.

The BartPhone is an electronic answering service, so calling it won't wake anybody.
    You can call drunk at 3 AM from your friend's bachelor party in Vegas.
    ...but if you accidentally kill the hooker, just call the cops, OK?

 Unka Dick, how's the war going?
 Is Unka Rummy crazy like they say?

 Karl says I'll be mowing lawns in Crawford if this drags on another month.
 I ain't never done no work, Unka Dick.  I'm a-scared.

 Can we form a coalition of the willing, me and you, that I don't have to work?

 And,  ...am I gonna be a one-termer like my Daddy?
 I'll go back to the bottle if I become a one-termer.
 That'd mean me and Daddy both had fewer terms than Clinton.
 If that happens, I'll eat another pretzel.

 Quotes

“The President has spoken many times of the special burden and the special
  responsibility he has as Commander-in-Chief of sending young Americans
  into harm’s way.... But have you heard him talk about this other responsibility
  which may weigh on him heavily today, and that is for the death of innocents,
  for Iraqi moms and dads and children who may, despite our best efforts, be killed?”
     --ABC's Terry Moran’s question to Ari, sounding a little like Helen Thomas

 Another look at the plane that hit the Pentagon 9-11-01
   by Jean Pierre Desmoulins

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 Why, if there is no lost frame, this can't be a 757
 Assuming that there are no lost frames, and that a 757 has moved from frame 1
 (hidden by yellow cabinet) to frame 2 (masked by explosion) between frame 1 and 2,
 in 66 to 100 ms, we must admit that this plane has covered a distance equal to :

    L + S

 L = 40 m : It's length to appear completely at the left of the yellow cabinet
 S = 40 m (minimum) 70 m minus the radius of the fireball
 The speed of the 757 should so be at least 80 m in 100 ms, which gives a speed
 of 800 m/s, or 2880 km/h (mach 2.5). I suppose it's not even necessary to ask
 the engineers of Boeing to know if this is possible.

 If this was a 757, how many frames have been lost ?

 Before long, we'll have .

 Wish us luck, and consider joining the team!
 Help make BartCop Radio an April thing, rather than a May-June thing.

 Is  bartcop.com  worth $5 a month?

 You say you can't afford to subscribe?
 What happens if Bush wins  steals another four years?
 Can you afford that?

 They own the TV networks, the papers, the news magazines and talk radio.

 The Internet Resistance is all we have.

 Reminder: It's the end of the month, and we get matching funds if you subscribe.

 Click  Here   to turn ten dollars into twenty dollars.

 From: EK Gaylord
 To:   yourviews@oklahoman.com
 (The Daily Oklahoman is the FOX News paper in this sorry state)

 Subject: some things never change

 I left Oklahoma several years ago for greener pastures. I'm not suprised to see that
 the state I love is still populated by intolerant, reactionary nitwits. Few things make
 this more apparent than the scores of letter I see written by people like Dalton Langley
 who support unilateral preemptive attacks on Iraq.

 Langley's contention that the attacks on the World Trade Center, The USS Cole and
 various other American targets legitimize this war is yet another example of the gleaming
 beacon of ignorance that shines throughout much of Oklahoma. Certainly The Oklahoman
 does nothing to dispell that, preferring instead to use the paper's position to promote
 positions that would only line the pockets of the Gaylords and their cronies. In fact, I'm
 surprised that Wednesday's editorial on school boycott's didn't just come right out and
 say what an 'uppity nigger' Opio Toure is. That was almost certainly the overriding
 sentiment in the meeting of the editorial board.

 Pointing out that Iraq had nothing to do with the attacks Langley mentioned will, no doubt,
 also fall on deaf ears. His ilk have never been the type to let the truth get in the way of their
 convictions. The fact that both American and British intelligence confirmed Iraq's non-complicity
 would have no bearing on Langley's thought process. After all, intelligence is obviously not
 one of his strong suits.

 I remember hearing Oklahoma's leadership talk about the 'Brain Drain' of talented, educated
 professionals leaving Oklahoma. The job market is just one factor in the decision that caused
 me (and the many Oklahomans I work with) to leave behind the glorious red dirt, scissor-tailed
 flycatchers, open spaces and most beautiful sunsets in the world behind. Most of us would love
 to come back to Oklahoma, but refuse to abandon the concepts of thought, reason and
 compassion at the border.
 

 I assume it's a coincidence that the writer and the newspaper's owners are both named 'Gaylord.'

 Wait - what this issue needs is a 

 Today's includes Gene Lyons, Joe Conason, Chris Floyd and a double shot of Monkey Mail!

 Woo Hoo!   We love the Monkey Mail

  Click  Here  for the fabulous 

 Our audio mail box

 bartcopradio@bartcop.com

 This is for radio bits, sound bites, parody songs -etc.
 We need pretty much everything - if it's short and funny - send it.

 Advertising on  bartcop.com

 For a limited time, you can buy two ads for $80 or ten ads for $300.

the business address for more details.
 Also, page advertisers will be mentioned on the sure-to-be-a-smash hit 

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 Read the  Previous Issue

 It had  everything.

 Copyright © 2003, bartcop.com
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

                    Shirley - she leans to the left