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Volume 1044 - Are you Syrias?

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 Tuesday - Taxday, April 15, 2003


"Pressed by MPs from all sides of the house, the prime minister echoed the line
  of Jack Straw, the foreign secretary, earlier today, saying more than four times
  that "there are no plans whatsoever at the moment to invade Syria".

 Poor Tony, he jumped into bed with the Devil and now he's going to get screwed.
 Now that Bush has Iraq's oil, the B.F.E.E. considers Blair as relevant as the UN.

 With Smirk n Dick, every ally is on a "need to know" basis, and there's no reason
 why Blair needed to be told about the upcoming Syrian invasion.

 Behind Our Backs
   by Paul Krugman

  Click  Here

"As the war began, members of the House of Representatives gave speech after speech praising our soldiers.
 Then they voted to slash veterans' benefits. There are still several veils to remove before the true face
 of  'compassionate conservatism' is revealed, but we're getting there."

"Help is on the way!!!"


"If George Bush Jr. decided he was going to turn the troops loose on Syria
 and Iran after that he would last in office for about 15 minutes. If President
 Bush were to try that now *even I* would think that he ought to be impeached.
 You can't get away with that sort of thing in this democracy."
   --  Lawrence Eagleburger, Sec of State under the smart President Bush


 But Larry, what's to stop him?
 This House would never impeach Bush - no matter what the evidence said.
 The Supreme Court would never allow it, either.
 They only green light impeachment of Democratic presidents.
 The media would call it a "withhunt," because those multi-billionaires want more tax cuts.

 Plus, Colin Powell seems to disagree with you, Larry:

"Syria has been a concern for a long period of time.
  We have designated Syria for years as a state that sponsors terrorism."

 All the military needs is a "Let's roll," from President Pinhead.

 My good friend Eric Alterman must not have read  bartcop.com  the last few days.
 or maybe he did and just hasn't published yet.    Why do I say that?

 On April 3, he wrote:

 Did Perle, for instance, genuinely believe "support for Saddam, including within his military
 organization, will collapse at the first whiff of gunpowder"? Is Wolfowitz really so ignorant
 of history as to believe the Iraqis would welcome us as "their hoped-for liberators"?

 On April 11, he wrote:

 Paul Wolfowitz thought U.S. forces would be greeted as liberators in Iraq. I did not.
 His prediction in this case, was correct. I was wrong.

 Eric, you were NOT wrong, and Perle wasn't right.
 In a city of 5M people, if less than 1,000 show up, that says something.
 You have to remember that 4,999,900 people did not show up.

 Because Karl Rove didn't want to spend that much money.

 Add to that the fact that those Iraqis were PAID to be there, even bussed or flown in
 but our military so they could scream, "Thank you, Mr Bush!" for the American TV cameras.

 While Bush is president, you cannot trust your eyes.

 Subject: UN RIP

 Dear Bart,

 I would like to commend you on your dead-on assessment of the impotence
 of the United Nations in your April 14th edition.  Now that El Smirko has a
 personal score to settle with the UN, it's probably only a matter of time before
 the US withdraws all financial support for the organization.

 To cut the purse strings of the UN has been a wet dream of the hard-right for
 decades.   To put a final nail in the UN's coffin, Dubya will get NYC Mayor
 Bloomberg to revoke the lease on the UN Building.

 I am reminded of the dystopic view of the future in the movie Heavy Metal,
 in which the UN Building had been relegated to serving as a low-rent housing complex.
 That sorry fate doesn't seem so far-fetched today.

 Best Regards,
 Constancio B.

 Quotes  from 60 Minutes

 Clinton puts smackdown on mean-ass old Bob Dole.

 Senator Dole: Look, I welcome the help of other countries, so long as they share our goals. Kofi Annan
 and his crowd; remember them? They did everything they could to stop the liberation of Iraq. And nobody
 has forgotten bin Laden, except maybe those in your administration who were supposed to keep an eye on him.

 President Clinton: There's the old Bob Dole!

 ha ha
 That's a terrible thing to say to him.
 For years, Dole was the nastiest bastard in the Senate, Senator Hatchetman, but compared to Newt and his
 impeachment happy band of Nazis, Bob Dole seems like a decent human being that one might actually like.

 You know, I worked for years to get bin Laden and almost did, when most of your party could have cared less.
 And, he's still at large. As for Saddam, you're the one who paid him a courtesy call and tried to weaken sanctions
 on him just before he invaded Kuwait, and after he had used chemical weapons on his own people.  Saddam is gone
 and good riddance. Now we have to build a democratic Iraq. The U.N. can help us, and we should let them.

 Look for the right to want these 'debates' cancelled.


 Today is tax day, ...for us little people

 Seven hundred million is what the crooks at Enron got.
 How big was the check you had to write to the B.F.E.E.?

 Bush's friends and contributors at Enron aren't going to pay taxes
 on the billions they stole from thousands of Enron employees.

 Bush is going to take your money and give it to his oil buddies.


 Clive Doyle removes weeds from around the stone bearing David
 Koresh's name on the Davidian grounds near Waco on  April 12, 2003.
 'We believe there is going to be a resurrection of David Koresh
  and others who died in the fire,'  said Doyle, refering to the
 April 19, 1993, fire that killed nearly 80 members of the religious group .

 Yeah, this is going to happen, just like Mo Atta's 72 virgins and
 whatever personal religious hooey you practice at your church.

 Wait - let me get this straight:
 We all agree that Mo Atta's religion is crazy, right?
 The 72 virgins, I mean how stupid is that?

 And we all agree on David Koresh's religious insanity,
 but the religion you believe in make sense, right?

 When you're dead and buried -guess what - you're dead and buried.
 To expect an afterlife is akin to watching a beautiful ear of Bixby corn
 get old, dried and shriveled up, and then wait for it to "rise again" and
 return to it's previous golden, moist and delicious appearance.

 It's not going to happen, and it's so strange to live in a world where
 a majority are convinced that the impossible is going to happen.

 Remember the words of Archie Bunker: "Faith is when you believe
 in something that nobody in their right mind would believe in."

   Click  Here

 Like everything lately, this was overlooked.
 We're almost ready for another one.


"The looting in Iraq is starting to end."
     -- Colin Powell

 After a week of total chaos and anarchy, everything in Baghdad worth stealing is gone.

 This Just In...

 Beginning Monday, April 21 The Mike Malloy Show is Moving to 9PM to Midnight ET!

 Today is tax day, ...for us little people

 The crooks at WorldCom got almost four billions of our Social Security money.
 How big was the check you had to write to the B.F.E.E.?

 Bush is going to take your money and give it to people like the WorldCom crooks.

 One of my favorite people, heroic New York firefighter Steve Buscemi,
 is joining The Sopranos for the coming someday season.

 Sopranos fans might recall he directed their Pine Barrens episode,
 one of the funniest hours I've ever seen on television.
 (Paulie was going to kill his best friend Christopher over some ketchup packets
  because they hadn't eaten any food in about nine hours...)

 Also joining is Robert Logia, who's been in the mob since Al Pacinos Scarface.

 Logia: Please don't shoot me - please:

 Pacino: relax, I'm not going to shoot you.

 Logia: Oh, thank you, thank you...

 Pacino: Manolito - chute this piece of chit.

 Manolito:  Bang!

 Subject: You should be the VLWC head writer

 I hope BC Radio kicks ass, but I hope you ultimately wind up in absolute charge of
 a stable of really good writers for a *real* radio network. I see you as sitting in a room
 full of people who all know their shit and know how to write. To some of them, you're
 telling them what stories to look into. To some of them, you're evaluating what they've
 come up with and you're telling them how to wrap it. To some of them you're saying
 which story pitches will get play and which ones won't. That, and nothing else.
 Except for a few 'featured stories' or editorials.

 Get there. I'm with you.


 Today is tax day, ...for us little people

 Colgate had a tax rate of negative .9 percent.
 Don't you wish working people had a negative tax rate?
 How big was the check you had to write to the B.F.E.E.?

 Bush is going to take your money and give it to corporations
 that have a negative tax rate - and we're going to stand for this?

"Stop your whining, Bart.
  Bush and the super-rich need our money more than we do!"


"Thank God, my wife is now cancer free."
     -- The Prince of Darkness - Ozzy

 Ozzy, that's great news, but who gave her cancer in the first place?
 I always think it's funny when a train wreck kills 40,
 but five survive and people thank God for sparing the five.


 Subject: Is Oregon next?

 I see Dubya is getting all excited now about chemical weapons in Syria and it's
 starting to scare the shit out of me because I just know that sooner of later he is
 going to figure out we have more chemical weapons here in Oregon (Umatilla)
 than Hussein of Assad ever dreamed of owning.

 Dude, every state that Bush didn't carry in 2000 has chemical weapons.
 When the military finishes with the Middle East - yes - you're next.

 Today is tax day, ...for us little people

 GE got a five billion dollar tax break from Social Security..
 Don't you wish Bush was fighting to make you wealthier instead of GE?
 But GE needs that money so they can pay Russert to call the 2004 election for Bush.
 Russert is a paid-for whore with only one thing on his mind.

 How big was the check you had to write to the B.F.E.E.?

 Bush is going to take your money and give it to corporations like General Electric
 so they can have their "fair and balanced" news division praise the unelected usurper.

 - and we're going to stand for this?

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"The Democrats should begin (now) to publicly request International Observers
  to oversee the elections the same way it is done in so-called "fledgling democracies."
    --   bartcop.com  reader  mrk

They got lies so big
They don't make a noise
They tell 'em so well
Like a secret disease
That makes you go numb

With a big ol' lie
And a flag and a pie
And a mom and a bible
Most folks are just liable
To buy any line
Any place, any time

When the lie's so big
As in Pat Robertson's case,
(That sinister face
Behind all the Jesus hurrah)

Could result in the end to a worrisome trend
In which every American not 'born again'
Could be punished in cruel and unusual ways
By this treacherous cretin who tells everyone
That he's Jesus' best friend

When the lie's so big and the fog gets so thick
And the facts disappear
The Republican Trick can be played out again
People, please tell me when we'll be rid of these men!

Just who do they really suppose that they are?
And how did they manage to travel as far
As they seem to have come? Were we really that dumb?

People, wake up, figure it out
Religious fanatics around and about
The Court House, The State House,
The Congress, The White House

Criminal saints with a 'Heavenly Mission' --
A nation enraptured by pure superstition

When the lie's so big and the fog gets so thick
And the facts disappear
The Republican Trick can be played out again
People, please tell me when we'll be rid of these men!

Frank Zappa

"How can I escape the BartCop Hex?"

Tiger, it's easy.
Apologize to Clinton for your rude behavior,
donate a million to the United Negro College Fund,
and tell Hootie you're not coming back until women
are allowed in his last bastion of segregation
and you can start winning tournaments again.

 Double Standards
 I got this uncredited e-mail and "worked" with it a little.
 I'll be happy to give the original author credit.

 What do you call a weapon that can kill thousands of people?

 Weapons of mass destruction

 What do you call a weapon that has killed 1.5 million Iraqis?


 Today is tax day, ...for us little people

 With all their billions, Ford only paid 5.7 percent in taxes.
 Gee, wish I could get a five billion dollar tax break.
 How big was the check you had to write to the B.F.E.E.?

 Bush is going to take your money and give it to Ford.

 Hey Bart:

 It was either pay my taxes or send you fifty bucks. I decided that you do more for me
 than the U.S. (these days) does, so you deserve the money more than they do.
 Every dollar I don't give them is one less bullet for them to shoot people with.

 Good luck with BC Radio.

 And never quit!!

 Ray in Ft Smith Arkansas

Meet the new boss...


"Speaking of Satan, ...I was listening to Rush Limbaugh the other day."
      -- Bill Hicks

 I miss Bill.
 Can you imagine what he'd be writing about Bush's Amerikkka?


 Today is tax day, ...for us little people

 Bill gates is, by far, the richest man on the planet and Bush sent Gates seven billion dollars
 that used to be in the Social Security fund?  Fuck the old people - gates needs more money!.

 Gee, wish I could get a seven billion dollar tax break.
 How big was the check you had to write to the B.F.E.E.?

 Bush is going to take your money and give it to Bill Gates.

 We have a 

 Call  918-493-1500 - you have two minutes to say your piece.
 We'll then feed the fun calls into the computer for BartCop Radio.

 Call now!   918-493-1500

 Did anything piss you off today?
 Let's hear about it!
 Some media whore needs slapping?  Get to it!

 We're very slowly getting closer to BartCop Radio.

 Subject: Great Response

 Interesting to receive all of the IQ emails from your followers.
 Yeah, I guess we are really stupid.

 I never said all Republicans were stupid.
 Cheney, Rummy, Rice and Powell all seem to have brains.
 It's that moron you call "president" that's extra-stupid.

 Thats why we control the House, Senate and the White House.
 I know it tears you fucko's up but you will just have to live with it.

 Steven C

 Well, you won the White House for at least two reasons:
 1. Your side cheated, more than once.
 2. You were up against a bunch of pink tutus who didn't want it bad enough to fight for it.

 I've said it many times - I could kick Mike Tyson's ass if he refused to fight back.
 It might take me hours to drop him, but eventually he'd fall.

 What's it like to be in a party that fights back?
 All the Democrats know how to do is surrender.

We drew 2,000 people in Wausau's first anti-war rally ever on Feb 15.
It was a great time. Here's a pic of my sign: "Bush is Insane! Use the Big Hammer."
Cheers, and keep up the good work!

Dude, nice sign - thanks for sending that.

 Jason Mewes, the filthiest mouth in the history of film, and one of the funniest,
 is back and undergoing court-ordered drug rehabilitation.

 He's doing a documentary about his addictions - could be interesting.

 Things to do in Dallas tomorrow - Wednesday:

 Watch her interview on Good Day Dallas on WFAA  TV   9:00 and 10:00AM

 Listen to her noon interview with Glenn Mitchell on KERA FM, then the big one:
 7:00 PM  BORDERS Book Store - signing and talk
 10720 Preston Road  Dallas, TX

                    Integrity is Not for Sale

 Go meet Susan, buy her *great book,* she will sign it.

  Not in Dallas?
  Click to order

Thank her for doing hard time to stop Starr's nasty fascist goons.

 ...and tell her 'Bart says Hey!'

Marty's E! page
Michael Dare kicks ass!
The Smothers Brothers are back
Blu Cantrell - Playboy's August covergirl
Daytime TV's first lesbian kiss
Dennis Rodman getting married, again
Robert Conrad, Felony DUI?
And, Suge Knight denies any link to  'Big Lurch'



"Contrary to what most people think, the fact that my predecessor is the Vice President
  has absolutely nothing to do with my ability to get work from the government."
     --Halliburton's CEO Dave Lesar, with a straight face

 Lesar is a former accountant with Arthur Anderson - could he be any more honest?

 Today is tax day, ...for us little people

 Navistar's effective tax rate is only 2.4 percent - can you believe that?
 I wonder how many employees they laid off after getting their $200M tax break?

 Gee, wish I could get a $200M gift from the government..
 How big was the check you had to write to the B.F.E.E.?

 Bush is going to take your money and give it to companies who pay just
 two percent on their taxes while you and I have to pay the full amount?

 Think how many families have nobody working now, and they're doing their
 taxes and finding out they owe the B.F.E.E.  some really serious money....

"Bart, why do you continue to attack the president?"

 Because you Democrats refuse to do anything about Bush's crime spree!
 You were elected to do a job and you're doing nothing.
 You cash your checks every payday - but you refuse to work!

 How can you sleep at night?

 Be sure to subscribe while we're still not funny.
 Get in for the half-funny rate of only $5 a month.
 I have a computer - but it's not hooked up.
 We're closer than ever to making something happen.

 Is  Bartcop Radio  worth $10 a month?

 The right has a monopoly on everything but the Internet.

 Click  Here   to have your contribution matched by our silent benefactor.

 Saddam's Playboy Son Had Pictures Of Bush Twins

  Click  Here


“Free people are free to make mistakes and commit crimes and do bad things.”
   -- Rummy, explaining why Iraq is worse off under Bush than Saddam

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