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toon by Bruce Yurgil
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J M Marshall
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"In Iraq they found one of Saddam's family
palaces, and here's what they found.
Yhey found a private zoo, Prozac and pictures of naked women. It's sort of like
Michael Jackson's place - except for the naked women.
- Dave Letterman
"I don't get it..."
Just look at one example -- under our power-brokers section you will find Andrew Natsios. He's the head
of USAid, the government department which hands out Iraqi reconstruction contracts. Would it surprise you
to find out that Natsios has a connection to a company called Bechtel which is -- yes -- tipped for a rather
lucrative contract? Then there's IRG. It secured one of the eight government contracts up for grabs.
Are you shocked to learn IRG has four vice-presidents and 24 other staff who at one time worked for USAid?
There's also a subsidiary of Halliburton, the oil giant once run by Dick Cheney (Bush's number two),
which stands to make a cool $500 million out of reconstruction.
With only a few exceptions, there is a smoking
gun for all those behind the reconstruction work.
Whether it's a seat on a board, shares in a firm, a favour owed here or there, these question the
impartiality of seriously powerful people and ask important questions about the levels of self-interest
that lie behind the rebuilding of Iraq. While Iraq may be free of Saddam, it looks like it's going to be
the most lucrative country on Earth for the foreseeable future -- at least for US hawks anyway.
"President Bush says that he is watching the
situation in North Korea very closely.
During the day he is watching reruns of M.A.S.H."
No More Made-in-the-USA Monsters
by Col. David Hackworth, Retired
Rumsfeld rushed to Saddam's palace in 1983 to bow and scrape and assure the Bully of Baghdad
he had a Ronald Reagan-signed blank check for almost any bombs and bullets in our arsenal.
After which our generals and admirals taught him how to use them, completing his morph into
a master of Military Miscalculation.
Subject: Oh God - The Skakels are Republicans
The Skakels are Republicans.
That's right, Ethel was a Republican when she married RFK.
So, in fact, was Jacqueline Bouvier (or at least her father was) when she married JFK.
Doesn't it figure that if a Republican whacks
off in a tree, Democrats still end up taking the heat.
I wish that RFK Jr. had avoided the magazine article and the television appearance.
Cal in Michigan
McWar to go, please
The McDonald's information minister appeared before the world's press
angrily denying that the fast food giant had finally lost the burger war
"Our heroic leader Ronald McDonald has scored another momentous victory," he declared,
as the famous golden arches came crashing to the ground behind him. "Our glorious Egg McMuffins
have never been more popular!" he shouted, as the share price tumbled and outlets were closed around the world
Meanwhile, the whereabouts of Ronald McDonald himself remain a mystery.
"The actor that plays the Dell computer kid
has been arrested on pot
possession and may do jail time. Dude, you’re getting a dude!
-- Craig Kilborn
Although I work with computers 16 hours
a day -- and despite the fact that my entire business
revolves around computers and the Internet, I am one of those people who are hesitant to click
on new links. But I clicked on your Forum link about 10 days ago and I was astounded by the
massive amount of good information that is being exchanged there.
You have the ability to set up resources
that are, to me, truly addictive.
It is inspiring to see such a large gathering of True Americans (as opposed
to the Mushroom Americans) posting information on your forum.
Congratulations for that -- if BartCopRadio
is as addictive as BartCop.com
and the BartCopForum, you will have another winner.
Bob in Oklahoma
Note: Bob was the only person to drive to both Fests last year.
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Beginning Monday, April 21 The Mike Malloy Show is Moving to 9PM to Midnight ET!
Clinton blasts Simpleton's approach to international affairs
"Our paradigm now seems to be: something terrible happened to us on September 11,
and that gives us the right to interpret all future events in a way that everyone else in
the world must agree with us, and if they don't, they can go straight to hell."
Damn, I wish we had a real president again.
Subject: Paul Begala
Your problem (and April's) with Begala is my problem with him. I'm sick of hearing him
say Bush wouldn't use war for his own political purpose, and this war isn't about oil.
A week ago he said his heart swelled with
pride when he saw that marine stupidly drape
an American flag over that Saddam statue. What the hell was he thinking?
I guess you can take the boy out of Texas, but you can't get all the Texas out of the boy.
One thing - if being nice worked, I wouldn't mind so much.
But when Begala says, "Bush is a good man who really loves his country,"
Bow Tie boy shoots back with, "And Clinton is a dirty baby rapist."
Bill Maher has Ann Coulter & Dennis Miller tonight
Michael Moore says CNN re-mixed audio of his Oscar speech
Tommy Lee cleared
'CSI: Miami' reruns to A&E
Britney Spears dropped stalking charges
And, HBO postponed Oliver Stone's documentary on Castro.
Last night on Dave
It was a new show, not a rerun, yet they did the James Brown "Cape"
which is odd for a Thursday, since their history is that they do it on Friday.
Paul was his spectacular self, begging to know the reason why
the bitch done left him,
as his 50-year old knees hit hard on that Ed Sullivan Theater stage floor with jarring pain,
there was Paul Schaffer, needing rescue in the most show business of ways - and who came to his rescue?
There's only one Rudy these days, right?
I made fun of him yesterday, for taking his "girlfriend" to Mass with him,
but there's no denying that Rudy was there for us on 9-11.
You more-leftist-than-Bart Democrats might disagree, but what
Smirk ran like a scared bunny while Rudy stood like a man and helped America get thru her worst day ever..
Howard Stern goes wild on the air
"Let the FCC take me off the air, I don't care," Stern railed. "Foul language is all around us;
porno is rampant and, you know what? The country's running fine.
Fuck the whole goddamn show
and get rid of me. My time has passed. Let's take me off the air for three years and see if America
changes. Let's see if America gets cleaner."
Subject: Toronto Catholics
Say... couldn't the Catholic church invest
in a little plastic wrap
and then remove it between each kiss?
Oh, that's right... they don't believe in prophylactics for protection.
Abstinence all the way!
Got a website that needs more hits?
Got a message others need to hear?
$80 for two ads, $300 for ten.
Cheaper than dirt.
Best deal on the Internet.
Yesterday we talked about George Carlin and "feeling?"
Thanks to dators
Subject: Mark Crispin Miller's show is great!
Thanks to your earlier mention of Mark Crispin
Miller's show at the Cherry Lane Theatre,
a group of us from Connecticut went. It was so good, we went again with another group of friends.
His imitation of Bush making stupid statements
is so real, and so dumb, it's a total howl.
There was lots of audience participation too. It's like stand-up and serious analysis at the same time.
If you get the chance, go. You'll have a great time.
Thank you Bartcop!
Attention NYC area Democrats
Subject: MCM performs on 4/19 and 4/26
Mark Crispin Miller author of "The Bush Dyslexicon"
Click to order
A show the White House doesn't want you to see!
Cherry Lane Theater Saturday Night
38 Commerce Street April 19th & 26th
For Reservations, Call: 212-691-4815 or 212-998-5188
$20. / $10. Students & Educators
* Now you can reserve online @ markcrispinmiller.org
Subject: Bart, Please Post This
Bart, can you post this note to a daily
reader of yours? She wants a
sticker but I don't know where to send it to.
Thanks, Mark H
"Deb, Please contact me again so I can send you
one of my extra bartcop stickers.
Mark from Biomes"
I, too, have some stickers.
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Ice Cream Even Faux News Could Love
Three ditto-monkeys loved Ben & Jerry's but hated that part of its profits
go to what they called "wacko left-wing causes." So last month, they started
Ditto-Monkey Ice Cream, billed as "a conservative alternative to Ben & Jerry's"
For $76 you get the standard four-pack:
Iraqi Road, I Hate the French Vanilla,
Smaller Governmint and Nutty Environmentalist.
Seventy six dollars for a 4-pack of ice cream? Koresh!
For that kind of money, you should get 15 minutes with Bobble-head Ann Coulter, too
Ann, that skirt's a little long for you, isn't it?
Supporting the troops: a crisis of perspective
Among the most disorienting and unexamined features of what passes for a “debate” over the war
in Iraq is a cultural phenomenon that must be grasped and confronted: the call for all Americans,
regardless of their politics, to “support the troops” once war has started and a military occupation
is under way, ostensibly on their behalf.
To a significant degree, there appears to
be a deliberate, though not necessarily coordinated, effort to
isolate these largely working class soldiers from criticism about the war and the Bush administration,
effectively ensuring that the only public sentiment they hear is pro-war in nature.
Why shouldn’t the soldiers be exposed to
these views? Many claim, after all, that they are “protecting
our freedoms” to say such things, so why shouldn’t the troops be allowed to hear them? What’s the
real worry? That troops on the front lines will have their feelings hurt by an antiwar speech? Or is it
the fear that a solider will listen to one, have his eyes opened to the reactionary character of the
imperialist exercise he is participating in, and become the next Ron Kovic?
Out soon: life with the Bushes
"The estranged wife of President George Bush's brother, Neil, plans a tell-all book about life
within the first family. In the midst of a divorce wrangle with her former husband of 22 years,
Sharon Bush travelled to New York to lunch recently with America's queen of celebrity biography,
Kitty Kelley. At a Manhattan restaurant, the pair brainstormed ideas and discussed Mrs Bush's
debut as author. Kelley, who scored hits with unauthorised biographies of Nancy Reagan, Frank
Sinatra and the British royal family, is already writing a book on the Bush clan scheduled for release
next year. Mrs Bush is believed to have been stunned when her husband, 48, told her of his plans for
divorce last year. She hoped for reconciliation but learned subsequently he planned to marry Mexican
Maria Andrews, whom he met years ago when she worked as a volunteer for a Barbara Bush foundation."
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We're getting closer to
"Most experts are not afraid we are going to
go to war with Syria.
It is less dangerous, it's less of an enemy, it has less of an army, and it has LESS OIL".
Battles Texas For the Ignorance Title
by Molly Ivins
The author of these novel ideas concerning homosexuality was state Rep. Barbara Blewster, R-Dewey,
who explained that throughout history, cultures that have embraced homosexuality have also embraced bestiality,
human sacrifice and cannibalism. She pointed to the Aztec culture at the time of the Spanish conquest as an example.
Blewster also said that history repeats itself and that the Ten Commandments are still relevant.
Blewster said she does not know of any gay
people who practice bestiality, human sacrifice or cannibalism,
and she is not claiming that homosexuality always leads to these things. However, she said, "That's a
progression of perversion, as I know it," and is akin to marijuana leading to harder drugs.
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Subject: Susan McDougal book signing
I'm dead tired (so tired that I'm going
to put off reading you until tomorrow morning
-- and I always read you first thing when I get home from work).
Wednesday, here in Dallas, was the Susan McDougal book signing at Borders that you alerted us to.
She is really a powerful speaker.
There were probably about two hundred people there.
(More came as they heard the applause and heard her talking about jails. There was
probably about one hundred and twenty at first.)
I teared up when she was talking about the
jail stories and putting a face on the statistics.
I felt SOOOO lame! But then I looked around and saw that other people were tearing up as well.
She was amazing. And though I've seen
her on your site and on the book jacket, I have to say
the pictures do not do her justice. She is a very beautiful woman in pictures but I guess they
miss her spark or her zest because she's more amazing in up close.
She had us tearing up as I stated but she
also had us laughing. And she brought it to an activism
level in terms of what we could do to help others which was really great and the mark of a real
speaker if you ask me.
Ken Starr, of all people, was at the same
Border's two weeks ago to speak.
But he only spoke to an "invited audience" -- it was closed to the general public.
McDougal found that amusing as did we.
She spoke about Helen Thomas and how she
motivated her to write this book. And she spoke
about how there's a producer interested in turning the book into a TV movie and how she's
considering it because it could allow her to publicize the state of our correctional system even more.
She was so funny. She laughed about how the last time she was in Dallas, she was in jail.
She got a call from Clinton two weeks ago.
She said he called out of the blue and this was the
first time she'd heard from either him or Hillary. He told her he'd read her book and he was sorry
because he had no idea what was going on there. He read her book in one sitting and said it gave
him nightmares. He told her how horrible it was for and how he wished he had known and could
have done something. She told him that some of the women in the book are still in the correctional
system and he could speak out on the conditions of our correctional system.
She was really surprised he had called.
That came up during the questions segment.
Other questions were about Scaife and things like that. The audience was her's. We loved her.
So I stayed to get my book signed (plus
the one I bought at Border's because I didn't want to
just show up with a book that had already sold). In line, I told the woman with the publishing
company that I'd heard of the book signinge from bartcop. She didn't know what that was.
(I did explain it was your web site and that you promoted all of her appearences on it.)
However, when I got up to the table and
told Susan McDougal that "Bart says hey" she lit up.
She said to tell you, "Thank you."
Nearly everyone wanted there book signed
(you wouldn't believe the line -- the event started
at seven and I live ten minutes from Borders and only got home a little after ten -- and there
were still people in line behind me!) so I just told her that I really enjoyed the book and that
she hooked me from the start with her childhood and her thirst for knowledge; that she was
very brave; and that I was really proud of her.
I'm going to eat and then go on to sleep
but I promised her I would write you tonight to let you
know she says hello back, thank you and that she'll be writing next week when she gets home.
-- Jake W
Jake, that was an excellent report - thanks!
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Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
© 2003, bartcop.com
Shirley in the Devil's red
Maybe someone could get word to Shirley to call the BartPhone
That would be cool.