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Volume 1049 - Rocket Queen

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 Monday April 21, 2003


'Bush cancelled the Easter Egg hunt on the lawn of the White House.
 His people were afraid that, like Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein,
 the Easter Eggs would turn out to be something else that Bush can't find."
     -- Bill Maher, Friday night

"Just don't hide them where I can't find them..."

 Illicit Arms Kept Till Eve of War
  NYW Times rescues Bush, "Clinton's organ" saves GOP

  Click  Here

 A scientist who claims to have worked in Iraq's chemical weapons program told our military
 that Iraq destroyed WMD days before the war began, and that's why Bush can't find them.

 He also said that Iraq had secretly sent everything to Syria,
 and that more recently Iraq was cooperating with Al Qaeda.

 Well, there you go!

 The NYW Times quotes Bush's military as saying that "a scientist" said the weapons were here
 when the Corrput Commander made his decision to "Fuck Saddam, we're taking him out,"
 but then those sneaky guys hired Al Qaeda (just like Bush said) and moved everything to Syria,
 which gives the bloody-thirsty (but holy) Pinhead another reason to blow more shit up.

 It's perfect!

 And since it came from the NYWT, which is the "house organ" of Bill Clinton, it MUST be true.

 ...and the liberals said Bush couldn't produce?

 "Now that the President has vanquished terrorism,
  we have more time to work on local threats to America.
  That would be you, Funnyboy..."


"A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D.
  Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B."
    --Fats Domino, who was polite and didn't mention Bush by name

 Prove Iraqi guilt, MPs tell Blair

  Click  Here

"US forces have begun to interrogate General Amir al-Saadi, the head of Iraq's weapons programme, who surrendered
 last weekend. But General Tommy Franks, the commander of US forces in the Gulf, attempted to lower expectations
 when he warned that it may take a year to uncover details of Iraq's arsenal. Such comments are causing alarm in the
 Commons. Lindsay Hoyle, the Labour MP for Chorley, who voted in favour of war because of Mr Blair's chilling
 warnings about Iraq's banned weapons, said: "We were led to believe that the Iraqis could fire them within 45 minutes.
 If that was the case where have they vanished to? We were told there was hard evidence." David Hinchliffe, chairman
 of the Commons health committee, said: 'For many of us who talked to ministers there was an implication that more
 was known. Therefore a lot of people are anxious to establish the truth.'"

 Have you seen these latest pools that say even if Saddam had no WMD, invading Iraq was a still good idea?
 Bush lied his ass off to get the American people behind him, and we're so stupid we'll accept that?
 If Saddam had no WMD, then we only invaded to make Bush look like a tough guy, right?

 Have you ever wondered about late 30's Germany, when Hitler was causing all his "mischief," everyone says,
"Why didn't the German people rise up and stop him?   Did every German approve of killing millions
  of Jews? And if they didn't approve, why didn't they say or do something about it?"

 I guess for the same reason we're not doing anything about Der Fuehler..

 It's like Bush has this magic spell (I'm sure the media is half of it) where he can tell any lie, even about
 why our soldiers are dying, and it's OK as long as he's not a Democrat denying he got a little tongue.

 If you watched the Sunday shows, you see them selling the idea that Syria is nexy.
 Tony Blankley (Newt's former brain) said "Damascus is the crossroads of terrorism," whatever that means.
 Maybe they just kept it simple so the Chimp could grasp the thought.

 Is America really going to go door-to-door wiping out "regimes" that Rummy doesn't care for?
 Is this the America we'll continue to salute, no matter that the entire world says we're in the wrong??

This is some of that "precision bombing" that Bush brags about.
Is this really "trying to avoid civilian casualties?"

 Jon Stewart

 Without a doubt, Jon Stewart is the Funniest Man in America.
 Except when Bush is speaking - then he wins.
 Jim Foy

 Jon Stewart is the funniest m-effer on the planet. He has to knows it, but somehow
 manages to act like if he isn't funny today, his show will be cancelled tomorrow.
 Chris Rock is funny, but it has been 2-3 years since "Bigger and Blacker".
 Not only is Jon Stewart funny, but he is the only news source on tv I trust.
 Yes, I realize exactly how sad that is.
 Thomas Brinkley

 Stewart #1
 He gets my vote

 One more for Jon
 There just "ain't" no one as sweet, charming and funny as Jon Stewart.
 If I wasn't 72  I would ask the sweet dear out. :)

 Subject: One vote for Jon Stewart as funniest man in Muricka, nt
 John K

 It was extra-sickening to watch Ann Coulter and Dennis Miller on Bill Maher.

 Those two are a couple made in Hell, aren't they?
 I assume Coulter gave Miller a handjob under the table for turning Nazi.
 They kept giggling constantly at each other's jokes - they were such a cute team.

 Hold on, ...I'm going to be sick again...

 So what if the President stole the election, the people in this country keep saying, "that's OK"
 So what if we're headed towards a record deficient, "that's OK"
 So what if we aint found Osama, "that's OK"

 So what if we have to cut benefits to veterans, "that's OK"
 So what if we cut back the clean air regulations, "that's OK"
 So what if my 401k is only a half of what it used to be, "that's OK"

 So what if the rest of the world resents us, "that's OK"
 So what if we're going to give total control of the media over to the corporations, "that's OK"
 So what if we have to give up some civil freedoms and conveniences in order to stop terrorists,"that's OK"

 So what if we make special laws exempting gun makers from liability suits, "that's OK"
 So what if we're discrediting, and boycotting those that speakout against certain things in this country, "that's OK"
 So what if we start drilling for oil ANWR, "that's OK"

 So what if we don't find any WMD in Iraq, "that's OK"
 I'm beginning to think that even if this President were to get caught with
 another woman that people would continue to say, "that's OK"
 So what the hell is it all about anyway?

 MIke POehlman

 Mike, I think it's about Bush's tax cuts for the super-rich, which includes the media.
 Rush and Russert make millions a year - the tax cut means cash in their pocket,
 so they'll fight harder for those extra bucks than any issue that's every been before them.

New stuff at the Bart Store

                                                         '"  t-shirt      "Syria's Next" Chinaco mug      "Syria's Next" jersey


"It's so interesting to me that people talk about late-night comedy being cynical.
  What's more cynical than forming an ideological news network like Fox and calling it
 `fair and balanced'? What we do, I almost think, is adorable in its idealism. It's quaint."
      --Jon Stewart, calling FOX News on being lying whores

 The Warmongers Were Right!

  Click  Here

"Oh my yes. What whimpering, unadulterated embarrassment the anti-war protesters must now feel,
 what heaping mountains of crow we must all imbibe. This is the general sentiment, the snickering
 attitude hissing from the Right like hot spittle spraying all over your nuanced perspective. Hail the
 great victor BushCo! Ha! The U.S. kicked ass! Who's your daddy, beeyatch? Thump thump thump
 on the manly chest of great liberator America! Liberals suck! Go, war! It's Miller Time. Yes, justifiably
 do the war zealots gloat. See how our multibillion-dollar high-tech superpower ordnance annihilated the
 little scrawny pip-squeak nation! See how we barely even broke a multibillion-dollar sweat! Whoever
 dared doubt our brawn should be immediately hanged and castrated and laughed at and called many
 violently homophobic names and run over with a big bitchin' Ford Expedition! Snicker!"

 Subject: Elvis?

 No wonder you got only ONE, dude -- we all KNOW it's a PO Box, but...which ONE??

 You wrote,

> I had a letter (just one - sniff) in the PO Box on Friday.
> It was addressed:

> PO Box
> Tulsa, OK 74155


 Ken, the PO Box is 54466
 It's at the top of every issue if you forget it.

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Today  The Mike Malloy Show   is Moving to 9PM to Midnight ET!

 This next segment is sure to panic some and confuse many, but I swear to Koresh, the following is true.
 Did you know years ago, Anna Nicole Smith was so pretty, she was a Playmate of the year?

 You younger kids probably see her as the "Zha Zha of the Millenium," ( The who of the millenium?)
 but there was a time when, if you were fast-forwarding thru a People magazine and caught a glance,
 you might catch yourself saying, "Look - it's Marilyn Monroe."

 ...she's not my favorite, but she married the old guy and made him one happy old guy
 until he died, so I say she should've gotten the $440 million or whatever it was.

  Click  Here

 Where is Saddam?

  Click  Here

 The White House can argue all it wants that Saddam's fate does not matter strategically. But it matters
 psychologically. For Iraqis, the new sighting confirmed their belief that, as a Baghdad resident put it,
 "we must see Saddam's body hanging from a lamppost before we can be truly at peace." Every fire fight,
 every explosion, every low-flying jet supports the widespread conviction. "No one believes Saddam is gone,"
 says Ramzi, a Kirkuk oil worker. As cabdriver Faras Ahmad explains, "We have all been trying to forget him,
 but he's telling us, 'I am still here.' If he is alive, then Iraq is not safe."

Marty's E! page
Baron Dave Romm on 'Failed Dictators'
Rayboy points out a putter being used as a wood by a chimp
An extra special dose of Michael Dare

Ebay has the robot from 'Lost In Space'
Steve Buscemi protesting the closing of NYFD stations
Steven Tyler & Brian Wilson getting honorary Ph.D's
1916 Rauch & Lang Electric car destroyed
The Disney Channel is 20 years old
Filler links
And, the top 10 movies in North America


 The unthinkable is becoming normal. Do not forget the horror

  Click  Here

 We must not forget Blair's lies about weapons of mass destruction which, as Hans Blix now says, were
 based on "fabricated evidence". We must not forget his callous attempts to deny that an American missile
 killed 62 people in a Baghdad market. And we must not forget the reason for the bloodbath. Last September,
 in announcing its National Security Strategy, Bush served notice that America intended to dominate the world
 by force. Iraq was indeed the "test case". The rest was a charade.

 We must not forget that a British defence secretary has announced, for the first time, that his government is
 prepared to launch an attack with nuclear weapons. He echoes Bush, of course. An ascendant mafia now
 rules the United States, and the Prime Minister is in thrall to it. Together, they empty noble words – liberation,
 freedom and democracy – of their true meaning. The unspoken truth is that behind the bloody conquest of
 Iraq is the conquest of us all: of our minds, our humanity and our self-respect at the very least. If we say
 and do nothing, victory over us is assured.

 Ask Bart

 If my memory serves me correctly, Congress authorized Bush to use force in Iraq based on
 information Saddam was building nuclear weapons. As this information is now proved to be false,
 isn't this lying to Congress and grounds for impeachment?

 Reika and Kevin

 No, because Bush's lies are deemed "unimportant."
 Being honest about sex is important in Washington, not killing our soldiers.


"'No good Bush!' He doesn't stop the looting, he only protects the oil. There are no salaries.
   No companies left. We can do nothing. There is no gasoline. There is no security.
   They said they wanted to give us freedom, but we are free only to have this situation.'"
      --Assad Saleh, a 37-year-old electrical company worker,

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and ad prices have been cut in half.

$80 for two ads, $300 for ten.

  Miss the Sunday shows?  No Problem - you always have
 Pundit Pap as seen on

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 Update: Streamboy is due to be here today.

 Reminder:  Once we start streaming, the download is only seconds.
                               It'll load the second minute while you listen to the first,
                               so these audio files are about to get a lot more convenient.

 Call  918-493-1500 - you have two minutes to rant away.
 We'll then feed the fun calls into the computer for  pre-BartCop Radio.

 Did anything make you mad today?
 Are you happy with Bush and his good puppy media?

 Let's hear about it!

 Some media whore needs a slapping?  It's up to you!

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 We're closer to 


“Could the Americans have done more to protect the hospitals that have been ransacked, the museums
  that have been looted, the ministries where valuable intelligence documents have been trashed?...
  We know that human rights groups and archeologists warned that looting might occur. And Army Chief
  of Staff Eric Shinseki said in February that stabilizing Iraq could require several hundred thousand troops.
  Civilians at the Pentagon said that estimate was too high... Was this poor planning? Donald Rumsfeld says
  absolutely not, the administration didn’t allow the violence to happen, it just happened."
         --ABC’s Martha Raddatz, on World News Tonight

 Daily Show Does Bush

  Click  Here

"As part of his assault on the triumph of right-wing PR, Stewart reserves special derision for Fox News.
 After making fun of Iraqi state TV as a mere government mouthpiece, Stewart asked, "Imagine a government
 that has an entire TV station to lay out its agenda." He then aired Fox footage, after which he appeared to
 be hypnotized, chanting, "Must support war, tax cut good." In another show, he noted,  "This war has truly
 belonged to Fox. Not only did they start it...they managed to offer fair and balanced coverage."
 We then saw Fox footage of a soldier saying hi to his family and closing with, "You're watching Fox News."
 Stewart couldn't believe it: "They've got soldiers doing station IDs!" He then played a montage Fox aired of
 the "sights and sounds...of operation Iraqi Freedom," which showed massive bombs exploding in Baghdad
 accompanied by appallingly sentimental New Age piano music. "That was real," Stewart confirmed in disbelief.
 "Sounds like our troops have liberated a Yanni concert."

 Be sure to subscribe while we're still not funny.
 Get in for the half-funny rate of only $5 a month.

 I did something smart - no, really.
 I got the soundman from the best rock band in Tulsa, Imzadi,
 who's also a computer expert who uses my samr programs, even.

 So, after this round, our sound should get a lot better.
 I've also ordered a limiter/compressor which will be here soon
 and some more electronis stuff to make other stuff happen.
 This radio stuff is hard if you've never done it before - but we're making progress!

 Click  Here  to listen to today's phone calls. We have our first fight call!
Reminder: Once we start streaming, the wait will only be about a minute,
                            and then the entire show will arrice as if by magic carpet!

 We're closer than ever to making something happen.

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 From: Curtis Yokubaitis

 Subject: stumbled across barcop ... miller on leno

 I stumbled across your website looking for transcript of miller on leno.

 I too used to be left, when I was 22, in school, drunk or high all the time,
 and completely self-centered.  I got out of school, got a job, got married,
 had a few kids ... then suddenly, I realized that somehow I had somewhere
 along the lines become a right.  I'm trying to find out how it happened....

 So, you used to be a self-centered drunk, but then you turned Republican?
 Sounds like the unelected governor of Texas who some call Mr. President.

 I really used to believe in all that it just all seems so juvenile.
 I see protesters ASSAULTING cops and hiding behind other protesters
 and everyone getting hurt and somehow the cops are blamed;

 That's being a real idiot.
 I haven't heard of a single cop being injured, but you use that one instance
 to blame everyone who doesn't want to murder the city of Baghdad?

 Tell me, if I knew of an instance where a cop beat up a women in her 50's who
 was holding a peace sign, that would be proof all righties enjoy beating women?
 (Is this your first attempt at a debate?)

 I see 28% of my income redistributed to (among other things) the education of
 children of other states while a completely separate 6% of my income then goes
 to educating children in my own damned state.

 Then blame Reagan, Bush and Bush.   Clinton raised so much more money than
 he spent, the deficit was lowered for the first time in twelve years. Do you know
 the different between a deficit and a surplus?

 While I still believe that narcotics should be immediately legalized (and an
 immediate cease-fire be declared in the foolish war-on-drugs), I firmly believe
 that the freedom of speech ends at the end of YOUR fucking nose.

 My, aren't we all grown up!
 At least you have half a brain when it comes to drug policys.

 I still stand firmly behind gay rights, women's rights and animal right (believe it or not ...
 I hate fucking rodeos...just simple redneck stupidity.... but don't get carried away, dumbshit),

 ha ha
 I didn't say a word.
 You're the one who's suddenly a leftie on everything.

 ...but not nearly as firmly as I do behind the rights of children....and the younger
 the child, the firmer the stand.... especially for the unborn.

 So why were you whining a second ago about having to pay for their education?
 Sounds like you're one of those nuts who's pro-fetus until it's born, and then you say,
"Screw it, that's not my responsibility."   I think you need to sit down sometime
 and think about the position you intend to take, and then let someone like me straighten
 you out and explain the contradictions in your attitudes.

 I will protect the life of a child (born or unborn ...children are children) any day before
 I protect the rite of a selfish mother who is more concerned with some trivial economics
 or trashy slut-freedoms than she is with the life of HER OWN child.  How can the
 judgment of a  woman like that be trusted?  Fucking shameful!

 So, you're saying women are too stupid to be trusted with their medical decisions?
 I'll bet your wife loves to hear cavetalk like that.

 Some too might grow up.

 Gee, I wish everyone could be as grown up as you, Curtis.
 Some of us have thought our positions through, and can defend them.

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