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Volume 1052 - False Presidency

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 Friday April 25, 2003


"I think there's going to be skepticism until people find out there was, in fact, a WMD program.
  One thing there can't be skepticism about is the fact that this guy was torturous and brutal on the Iraqi people.
      --Dubya, trying to cover his lies that killed so many innocent people

"What if I did lie? Who's going to call me on it?

 Ashcroft: Illegal aliens can be held indefinitely
  The Bill of Rights applies to white Christians, stupid!

  Click  Here

 Most illegal immigrants can be jailed indefinitely without bond when national security risks exist, Ashcroft
 declared in a legal opinion. Immigration advocates are calling that an abuse of power in the name of fighting terrorism.


 Brokaw: But if it becomes an Islamic government -- with a 60 percent Shiite majority, would that be acceptable to you?

 Monkey: What I would like to see is a government where church and state are separated. And I believe there's enough
                  people within Iraq that would like that kind of -- there may be a nationalist government, a government that really
                  honors the Iraqi history and the Iraqi traditions and Iraq, itself. But it must be a government that is going to,
                  you know, represents all the people. And I believe that can happen."

 But Monkey, that's not what we have in America. Why do you want a sane government in Iraqi, but for America,
 you're fighting for a government that makes decisions based on thousand-year old superstitions?

 Don't you have even the beginnings of a brain that might enable you to think?

 Dixie Chicks

 This is from Jaycaruso.com, also known as the daily rant:

"I've already detailed how their single (travelin' soldier) quickly left the country singles chart.
  For anyone to even hint that they haven't suffered a backlash is doing nothing more than spinning."

 Whoa, Nellie!

 As a famous genius once said, "It bdepends on the meaning of "is" is."  Clear Channel, the Nazi Behemoth
 that owns most radio stations and is trying to buy all the rest of them, and they need to suck up to Michael Powell
 and thre B.F.E.E. to complete their takeover of the American airwaves.

 They are orchestrating this "boycott" by ordering their stations to:
 1. Never play another Dixie Chicks song until further notice.
 2. Mentioning in every "news" broadcast that the Dixie Chicks are Saddam-loving traitors
     who want to see out young men die on the battlefields of Iraq.
 3. They hosted the "We love the troops" rallies wwhich were noting more than "war is great" rallies.

 Clear Channel, has all the Rush wannabees on their payroll, and they're extra-eager to make Rush-money,
 so when Clear Channel tells them to hold a anti-Dixie Chicks rally - they follow orders.

 A much better and fairer  gauge of the non-existent "boycott" would be concert halls that were
 sold out months ago, but are empty of half-empty now.  If people paid $100 for two tickets and
 chose to forfeit that money and stay home, then I would say they have a problem.

 Reminder: I have no problem with Jay Caruso, but it really "all depends."   USA Today started a new system
 about a year ago where they count the number of times a song is played in America instead of sales only. So sure, with
 Clear Channel owning everything and abusing power like they're already a full-fledged B.F.E.E. partner, then yeah,
 that would seem to be a "backlash," but that's one group of misleading Nazi's voting, not the music-buying public.

 Just a couple of years ago, when John Rocker was screaming at the nigger and faggots on Train #3, Rush and
 the right-wing defended his right to "free speech because that was the primary building block on which this
 great nation was founded," but that same argument might cost them their precious tax cut, so fuck free speech
 and anyone who believes in it is "a Saddam-coddling appeaser and a traitor to America."

 This is what happens when ALL the news outlets are owned by seven Bush-loving Republicans.

Saw it on  politicalstrikes.com

 Dueling Quotes

"I believe Abu Mazen is a man dedicated to peace.
  I look forward to working with him for the two-state solution."
     -- Governor Monkey

"Abu Mazen is the head of the PLO executive committee he's unfit to lead anything but a prison-work detail.
  Abu Mazen is a Holocaust revisionist, a conspiracy theorist, and a promoter of terrorism."
     --Nissan Ratzlav-Katz

 I don't even know this Nissam guy, but Bush is a proven liar,
 so I choose to believe Nissan over the B.F.E.E.'s idiot puppet.

 BBC Chief attacks Bush's good puppy media

  Click  Here

 U.S. broadcasters' coverage of the Iraq war was so unquestioningly patriotic and so lacking in impartiality
 that it threatened the credibility of America's electronic media, the head of the BBC said on Thursday.
 BBC Director General Greg Dyke singled out for criticism Fox News and Clear Channel, the largest operator
 of radio stations in the United States, with over 1,200 stations, for special criticism

"We are genuinely shocked when we discover that the largest radio group in the United States was using its
 airwaves to organize pro-war rallies. We are even more shocked to discover that the same group wants to
 become a big player in radio in the United Kingdom when it is deregulated later this year," Dyke said.

 Gee, the BBC has figured out that America no longer has a free press?
 Those Brits are sharp!

"Clear Channel was chosen by God to assist me in my Holy Crusades."

 TV comments

 Have you seen Lara Flynn Boyle, Jack's girlfriend, lately?
 I haven't seen any of The Practice this year, because isn't it sad that a genius like David E Kelley
 won an Emmy for Best Comedy and Best Drama on the same night just two years ago, and now his
 shows are too unbearably bad to watch? - David, take a two-year vacation and come back fresh!)

 But when I saw LFB I was shocked. She has added ounced of collegen (is that what it's called)
 to her upper lip, and now she talks funny, like a girl with hueueuege braces.  The poor thing, when she
 finishes a sentence, you can watch her lift her upper lip up so her lower lip can slide in underneath it.
 It reminded me of the Bat Cave closing up after the Batmobile goes inside.

 I've always liked her, since back in her Twin Peaks days, and if she's foxy enough to land the most
 unlandable backelor in Hollywood this last decade, how unhappy could she be with her appearance?


 Last night was the start  of "sweeps weeks."

 If you have any favorite TV shows, in the next four weeks you're going to see their very best shows
 with their very best stars dropping in to take advantage of all the big-time, series-changing, plot twists.

 Scare Tactics

 Have you seen this show?
 It stars Shannen ("I'm gonna have you sodomized on your front lawn!") Doherty, a good Republican.

 I only saw part of one skit, but that was enough for me.
 Sweet Mother of Koresh, it's like Candid Camera run by the Jackass people.

 The part I saw was five girls and a guy in a cabin in the woods. The cabin was wired with a dozen cameras
 so they could catch everything from every angle, because on a show like this there are no second chances.
 So these five girls and a guy are in this semi-deserted cabin in the woods, and it's set up like a slasher movie.
 Four of the girls and the guy are in on the gag, but the victim has no clue what's about to happen to her.

 The guy in the group leaves to get some firewood or something,
 Then they have the slasher walk by the window where the victim can see him. He's in a mask and he's
 carrying a giant machete. The victim gets a look at him and starts screaming in a panic, while the actors
 are all saying, "Are you sure? He had a machete?"

 After a lot of suspense, "Freddie" finally breaks into the cabin and the victim is certain that she's about
 to be chopped into pieces by the masked slasher with the machete.

 How do they get insurance on a show like this?
 What of somebody's heart stops during a joke" like this?
 And, just like with the whore news, this trend will get worse and worse.

 West Wing

 An important point I forgot about Wednesday's show. On the show, thr US had a super-secret spy drone
 crash in Russia, and leo told Bartlet to call and get permission from the Ruskies to retrieve it because it had
 the same kind of super-technology that President Weak & Stupid GAVE the Chinese two years ago.
 Leo told Jed to say it was "an environmental plane taking pictures of coastal erosion."

 The Russian premier didn't buy it, and offered to retrieve it FOR us, which wouldn't do, so Jed threatened
 to blow the plane up to keep it from their hands. The argument escalated so Jed made an on-the-spot
 strategic decision to come clean and risk the good and bad consequences of that scenario.

 THIS is why it's important to have a president who can think, instead of some monkey-puppet who can't even
 read a script without screwing it up. THIS proves that the GOP was lying during the 200 campaign when they said
"There's no need for the president to have a brain because he has a good staff."  Well, the staff wasn't
 negotiating with the Russian premier, it was just the president, so it would be nice if he wasn't an extra-stupid child.
 The staff's plan went to hell and the president had to call an audible - something The Chimp could never do.

"I'm stupid and I have no heart."

New stuff at the Bart Store

                                                         'bartcop.com"  t-shirt      "Syria's Next" Chinaco mug      "Syria's Next" jersey

 Today Show: Robbins cut off wasn't intentional

 Subject: RE: Tim Robbins Appearance

 Dear Mr. Sinton,

 Thanks for writing.

 I assume you did not actually watch this, but instead read it on the internet. I would caution you
 that the story being circulated is wrong. Mr. Robbins was in no way censored on Today.

 Our computer automatically sends the program to a commercial everyday at 8:25:25.
 Interview subjects are warned that this is a hard-time, but on occasion they do not see the clock
 and keep talking into a commercial break. That is the peril of a live interview.
 Our apologies for what appeared to be cutting off Mr. Robbins.

 This was not a decision made by either Mr. Lauer or the show. There is nothing we can do except
 apologize when this happens. However, it is a moment that we immediately remedied, by continuing
 our interview into the next half-hour. Mr. Robbins was given a second segment moments later...
 and the last word. He was neither censored, nor offended.

 Tom Touchet
 Executive Producer

 Do we buy this?
 I don't, not for one damn minute.
 Does anyone recall seeing another speaker cut off in mid-sentence on the Today show?

Please visit the Common Sense for Drug Policy  site

This ad paid for by a bartcop.com reader, not the CSDP website.


"Consumers who advocate boycotts of goods made in countries who opposed the war were found to be white,
  mid-to upper-income, conservative Republicans, according to the survey. There is some confusion, however, among
  those surveyed as to country of origin of many brands. For example, 64 percent said Grey Poupon mustard is French
  (it's from the U.S.). Despite its well-chronicled PR efforts, French's mustard was identified by 29 percent as French.
  Seventy-eight percent said Universal Pictures is a U.S. company (it's owned by France's Vivendi). Then there's the 42
  percent who said Saab is German (it was bought by General Motors), the 55 percent who said Bayer is from the U.S.
  (it's German), and the 70 percent who said Heineken is German (it's brewed in the Netherlands)."
       --  O'Dwyer's PR Daily


 From: Russ Bingman

 Subject: Come on, tell the truth....

. . . you're REALLY Michael Moore, aren't you - just hiding behind your computer screen and a big facade
- having endless homo-erotica fantasies about Tim Russert, Rush Limbaugh and a few other "round boys?"

 Sir, you have it backwards.
 I haven't spent the last ten years obsessing over Clinton's cock - that was Rush and Russert.
 If I was Michael Moore, I'd say, "I'm Michael Moore." And if I was gay, I'd say, "I'm gay."

 All of the stories done on Clinton by these people you call media whores, were done because Bill Clinton
 did all of the things they reported on - it was NEWS!

 "All" the stories were true?

 ha ha

 Besides Monica, can you name one?

 So far, George Bush hasn't had Monica Lewenski or any other intern under his desk, giving him a blow job...

 How would you know? Bush has never been investigated - for anything.
 When the Japanese students died while Bush's Enron buddies were playing with our Trident subs,
 congress and the media gave him a total pass - even tho nine kids died.
 When Smirk GAVE that spy plane to China, he got another free pass without any investigation.
 He obviously broke the law when he cashed out of Harken just before it went bankrupt.
 Nobody has ever taken a look at those AWOL stories or the Houston abortion story.
 Nobody has even asked Bush how many felonies he's been convicted of.
 Bush blocked all investigations into what caused 9-11, and Congress and the press
 just gave him another pass.  Bush always gets a pass, that's what made him president.
 He's never earned anything in his life - it's always handed to him.

 - he hasn't engaged in any Travelgates - White Water scams - Filegates - or any of the other "gates."

 After all those years and all those hundreds of millions spent looking, Ken Starr and the Bush press
 couldn't hang one single thing on Clinton besides Monica. Can you explain that?

 Slick Willy's "gates" are commonly known as "criminal activity."

 No, it's commonly known as horseshit.
 If there was even a whiff of criminality, why did they impeach him for sex instead of the "crimes" you claim were committed?

 Bush certainly has a lot of skeletons in his closet, and they have been reported on by your "media whores," -

 Name one - go ahead - name ONE.

 The closest the press has come to doing their jobs is when they reported his DUI.
 Bush the "Christian" should've told us the truth about his criminal record, but the press won't even ask.
 Tell me, how many times has Bush been arrested?  Can you answer that?
 No, you can't, because nobody has ever asked that question, even tho that same press combed Arkansas
 for six years, trying to find some needs-money whore to claim she did it with him.

 ...perhaps you were sleeping when those reports aired?

 What reports?
 What were the topics of all these stories you claim were in the news?
 Why are your points always lack specifics?

 And perhaps you've been out "making memories" with some of your sexual fantasy friends when some
 of the anchors and media celebs at CBS, NBC, ABC and CNN admitted that they were "left of center"
 in their political views and reporting?

 First, you can obsess about my sex life until the end of time - I don't care. If that brings you wood, I suggest it's you
 who needs to see somebody about getting help. And could you be a little more vague about "some of the anchors?"
 Why do you think it matters what the anchors think if the man who signs their paychecks is a billionaire bastard who
 ordered Russert to call the 2000 race for Bush long before the Florida voted had a chance to be counted?

 Left wing media is no more of a myth than is the fact that FOX is right wing, admittedly so.

 That statement is as big a joke as you are.
 FOX has spent the whole last week screaming at Republicans for not being right-wing enough.
 I sure wish you were a gambler.

 But left-wingers of your ilk are never possessed with honesty - to admit to the truth would be worse than death.

 How would you like a chance to prove that in alive debate? Or are you too "busy," like the others?

 It must be a real killer for you wrong-brained halfwits to see endless American opinion polls that say that 2/3rd's
 of America is "right of center" in its political views and opinions - even some polls say 3/4th's.

 If that's true, how'd we win the last three popular votes for president?
 If that's true, why did Bush have to be appointed President?

 You kooks have been losing the battle for promoting your anti-American, anti-God, anti-truth politics for a long, long time.
 You must fell like drowing rats on a sinking ship?  Oh well, just as long as you drown!  :-)

 Hey, suck me on the "anti-American" bullshit. And I'm not anti-God, because He isn't.
 And any time you want to give me an honesty lesson in a live chat room, I'm there, fella.
 And bring lots of friends, because you're going to need help.

 Have you see Bush's resume?
  It was written by Kelley Kramer.

  Click  Here

 Subject: a leader for the dems


 I'm reading the page tonight and I see it again.  Talk of how we don't have a leader. We do.
 We just gotta let him lead. I love ya but you and a couple of other folks out there are in a position
 to show the libs that WE DO have someone who can lead our party and has not sucked up ONE BIT.

 Hia name is Dennis Kucinich

 Push him, Bart. You have the power, and you know he's got all the balls we need.

 love ya,
 c dubya
 Kucinich 2004

 I like what I see of Kucinich, but he's got to find a way to get on the national stage to be noticed.
 My lack of influence is so small it can't be measured. At least 99 percent of America never heard of  bartcop.com.
 We are much bigger than we were a year ago, but at this rate, we'll get noticed in the year 2525.
 If we were 100 times bigger, we'd still be a small fish in the smallest of ponds.

 GOP Group Demands Santorum Apologize to Gays

  Click  Here

"A Republican group whose officials include former President Gerald R. Ford and Mary Cheney,
 the daughter of the vice president, demanded today that Senator Rick Santorum apologize to gays
 for his remarks equating homosexuality with bigamy and incest. It was the latest sign of the storm
 over Mr. Santorum's comments. The group spoke out a day after Bill Frist of Tennessee, the Senate
 majority leader, rose to Mr. Santorum's defense. "Rick is a consistent voice for inclusion and
 compassion in the Republican Party and in the Senate," Dr. Frist said in a statement issued late
 Tuesday night, 'and to suggest otherwise is just politics.'"

 He is not.
 Santorum is a religiously-insane, Bible-thumping, gay-hating bastard who is whoring for votes
 because he belongs to a party of religiously-insane, Bible-thumping, gay-hating bastards.


 We need your music snippets.

 Send in SMALL, 30-second MP3s so we can have some "bumper music."
 Maybe it's Coldplay, maybe it's YOUR BAND, maybe it's The Dixie Chicks, but no vocals.
 It's the music we want, not the song.

 E-mail them to bartcop@bartcop.com   so we can hear them on 
 Update: This has been a great success, with hundreds of replies.
                     Thanks and keep them coming.

 Music stuff

 What if we gave away a free "Best o' Garbage," CD to the next five $10 subscribers?
 Hell, maybe Shirley will call the Bart-Phone at 918-493-1500 and tell me to knock it off!

 So if you;'d like to hear Bart's "Best o' Garbage," all you need to do to get your free CD is
 Click Below to become a Corona volunteer for $10 a month.

 You're going to sign up sooner or later, right?
 Why not get in now and get your free Garbage CD - it's hot stuff!

 Update: This has been a great failure - not one new subscriber.
                    I will work harder to come up with new initiatives to convince you to subscribe.
                    We still don't have enough equipment to get on the air and my Southwest Airlines
                    credit card was smoking slightly last time I saw it.

Marty's E! page
 Catch the Lisa Marie rerun on Dave tonight
Bill Maher's last show until til July is tonight
NOW With Bill Moyers is always worth watching
An apology to Tabitha King
(Stephen's wife wrote to Marty)
Andy Rooney rocks
Sarandon & Robbins on Costas (HBO) on May 2nd
Britians' richest musicians
Madonna slams material girls
Angelina Jolie got a new tattoo
OJ denies he's doing a reality show
Sinead O'Connor quitting show business
(ha ha - she was fired years ago)
The Coachella Valley Music & Arts Festival
And, male hula dancers



"Sen. Rick Santorum is causing a lot of controversy this week with remarks
  he made about gays.  He said, 'I have no problem with homosexuals, I have a
  problem with homosexual acts.' Well maybe he's doing it wrong."
       -- Leno

Natalie Maines is a goddess to me
- Bonnie H

 Gingrich accused of idiocy and McCarthyism
  Scumbag slimeball now hated by the left and the right

  Click  Here

 John Naland, the president of the American Foreign Service Association, said Gingrich's broadside attack
 -- in which he accused US diplomats of actively trying to sabotage Bush 's foreign policy agenda -- was
 unfair, inaccurate and bordered on slander.

"You have essentially accused these employees of treason," Naland wrote in a letter to Gingrich a day after
 three former US ambassadors fired off angry missives to Congress urging that lawmakers ignore Newt.

"Sir, these are serious charges indeed," Naland wrote. "If you have proof you should run, not walk,
 to the office of the nearest US attorney.


"Do not send me a bill with sexual orientation in it."
     --Dubya, to Republicans leaders at a closed-door meeting

 Hey, Moron - what if you're sent a bill with "Abortion" on it?
 Or did you already pay that bill from Twelve Oaks Hospital back in 1971?
 And since abortion was illegal in Texas in 1971, why weren't you arrested, Governor?
 And since the girl was only fifteen, why weren't you jailed for rape?

 Oh, I forgot - you're a Republican so we let it go...

 Click  Here  to read about the child Smirk knocked up in 1971.

 Did Ashcroft plant 'spies' in the peace movement?

  Click  Here

 We must assume that he did.
 That's the kind of tactic the B.F.E.E. uses.

 They get a guy who looks like a hippy to carry a sign that says,
"Screw the US soldiers, I hope they all die," and then they alert
 their good puppy media to be at Fifth and Main at 1 PM.

 Then at 1 PM, the guy with the "Screw the soldiers" sign attacks a cop
 and the headlines in the GOP-owned paper says,

"Peaceniks attacks cops, want soldiers to die,"

 and then Nazi talk radio uses that phoney set-up, the phoney story and the phoney headlines to feed the fire
 and explain how Bush just wants to make America safe but the evil Democrats just want to destroy us

 This is what happens when ALL the press is owned by seven old, white Republicans who want a tax cut.

Hits are way up
Prices are way down

argue with me

$80 for two ads, $300 for ten.


"Howard Dean was part of the crowd that was every bit dubious about our ability to win in Iraq.
  In fact, we know that some people were actually hoping for an American defeat to harm Bush politically."
    -- the vulgar Pigboy, from his web site.

 Hey, Pigboy!  Screw you and your word game innuendo.

 We also know that some people thought McVeigh was right to protest big government
 by blowing up the Murrah Building and the day care that was inside it.

 So, using Rush rules, he was overjoyed that McVeigh murdered 161 Oklahomans.

 Rush, your mother was a racial slur and your father was a vicious personal attack on a child.
 Starting soon, you're going to be hearing from me, Pigboy.
 I'm going to build  into something that's too big for you to ignore.

 I'm looking forward to kicking your racist ass.
 You're a fake and a fraud and I'm going to use that BIG hammer on your lying ass.

 Is  Bartcop Radio  worth $10 a month?

 You bet it is.
 I'm going to tear Porky a new one every chance I get - which will be constantly.

 The right has a monopoly on everything but the Internet.

 Click  Here   to have your contribution matched by our silent benefactor.

 Reminder:  Once we start streaming, the download will take only seconds. It'll load the second minute
                              while you listen to the first, so these audio files are about to get a lot more convenient.

 Call  918-493-1500 - you have two minutes to rant away.
 We'll then feed the fun calls into the computer for  pre-BartCop Radio.

 Did anything make you mad today?
 Are you happy with Bush and his good puppy media?

 Let's hear about it!

 Some media whore needs a slapping?  It's up to you!

 Call now!   918-493-1500

 Be sure to subscribe while we're still not funny.
 Get in for the half-funny rate of only $5 a month.
 Click Here  to hear Part One of the most recent batch of calls.

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 This is the best batch of calls yet. They total 21meg in size, so you 56K modem riders might not have the patience,
 but remember - we're about to start streaming and that will reduce the long download time into mere seconds.

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