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Volume 1106 - Pump Candy

Click to order or read the free Chapter

 Sun-Mon    July 6-7, 2003 


"I'll be carrying a message to the African people that, first, America cares about the future of Africa.
  It's in our national interests that Africa become a prosperous place. It's in our interest that people
  will continue to fight terror together. It's in our interest that when we find suffering, we deal with it."
    -- lying SOB,     Attribution

 This lying SOB steals $11 trillion from the Treasury, but he feels so much compassion for
 a continent dying of AIDS, he throws then a $15B scrap of his plate to impress the sheep.

 $11,000,000,000,000  to bribe his rich CEO friends
         $15,000,000,000 to the "darkies" he'd just as soon died, anyway

"I'm courting the nigger vote..."

 Ex-Envoy: U.S. Twisted Iraq Intelligence 
  Says Cheney 'scooted the pooch' to create his fake oil war

 Click  Here

 An CIA envoy contends the Bush administration manipulated his findings, possibly to strengthen the rationale for war.
 Joseph Wilson, former ambassador to Gabon, was dispatched in 2002 to explore whether Iraq tried to buy uranium
 from Niger. That desert country is the world's third-largest producer of mined uranium.

 Writing in the disreputable New York Times, Wilson said it did not take him long "to conclude that it was highly
 doubtful that any such transaction had ever taken place."  On "Meet the Whore," Wilson insisted his doubts about
 the Niger connection did reach Dick Cheney's office.

 This is hardly news.
 We've known for months that Smirk n Snal waged a fake war to steal Saddam's oil.
 The question is - does the press give these killersd another pass?
 Or will they be held accountable for their crimes while still in office?

 Hold on, it gets worse - for the Democrats...

 Discussing Wilson's comments, several lawmakers expressed misgivings as they made
 the rounds of Sunday's television talk shows about what transpired.

 One of them — Sen. Jay Rockefeller of West Virginia, top Democrat on the Senate Intelligence Committee
 — said that it goes to the question of, "was there an abuse in intelligence, ...or was the intelligence wrong?"

 Ain't that a bitch?
 A whistleblower comes forth and says, "They knew for sure, because I f-ing told them,"
 and Democrats are desparately looking for a way to spin this to give Bush and Cheney a way out.

What the hell is wrong with our side?
 Why don't want to win?

 We want to lose so badly, we're adding points
 to the other guy's score to be sure he wins?

 Top Homeland Security Official Resigns 
  Says Bush won't give him the tools he needs to do the job

  Click  Here

 Paul Redmond angered many House members at a hearing when he testified that his
 newly established office has not hired enough analysts or set up enough secure
 communications lines to receive classified FBI and CIA data for analysis purposes.

 A department spokesman said Redmond's resignation was "totally unrelated" to his June 5
 testimony before the House Select Committee on Homeland Security, which congressional
 sources described as a major setback for the agency's relations with Congress.

 We are borrowing money so Bush can give it to the super-rich,
 but Bush refuses to fund Homeland Security, for whatever reasons Rove gave him,
 and the Democrats continue to remain silent while the country prepares to burn?

 Where were the skeptics?

  Click  Here

 The Bush administration has been taking heavy flak for its yet-unproved claims of Saddam's WMD.
 In fixing blame for the way the public appears to have been sold a bill of goods, don't overlook the part
 played by the media.   Instead of closely questioning the administration's case, newspaper editorialists
 basically nodded in agreement.

 Gee, this guy is onto something.
 It would appear, to the casual observer, that the media might be in on the B.F.E.E.'s scam?

 Gosh, in a few months, this big-time Texas newspaper might be up to Volume 900.

 GOP slow to fund USS Reagan
  40th president kicked aside for 'war hero' Dubya

  Click  Here

"...the Gipper's legend is finding it hard to compete for cash.

 As normally occurs with a carrier about to join the Navy fleet, the Navy League
 has been working on the funding for the quality of life improvements. The league's
 Santa Barbara council adopted the ship June 16, 2000.

 The council set an ambitious goal of raising $5 million for enhancements. But Council
 president Connie O'Shaughnessy-Los says the league has raised less than $2 million range.

 Remember during the 2000 campaign, each Republican stood there like a tool and swore,
"I'm more like Reagan than the other men on this stage," as tho that were a good thing.
 Three years of bungling wars and killing the economy later, Dubya is now the new GOP icon,
 and Reagan is just thrown out like yesterday's trash as he draws closer to his death in Californioa.

 Ronald Reagan was nothing compared to the young Bush boy.  Why, Reagan was such a wimp,
 he never even thought about world domination,  much less accomplished it like Bush has done.
 And all it cost us was $11 trillion dollars, the friendship of our allies, our priciples, ...and  ...what else?

 Oh, I remember - the Constitution of the United States and the lives of 200 (and counting) brave men.

 Dueling Quotes

"And then we'll be going to Goree Island, where I'll be giving a speech about race, race in the world,
  race as it relates to Africa and America. And we're in the process of writing it. I can't give you any
  highlights of the speech yet because I, frankly, haven't seen it."
      --Stupid, even for a pinhead
"It doesn't help matters that Dean speaks off the cuff; out of hundreds of campaign speeches he has
  delivered, only four were written in advance. The rest were ad-libbed."
     --Evelyn Nieves, talking about Howard Dean, who's smart, even for a doctor    Attribution

 Will your 2004 vote be counted?
  Rep. Rush Holt Introduces Legislation to Require All Voting
  Machines To Produce A Voter-Verified Paper Trail

  Click  Here

 The Democrats will never support this bill or allow it to become law.
 You see, that would make it harder for Bush & Rove to steal the election.

 Subject: Why don't we care about the WMD?

 The answer is sooooo simple...the media is just another branch of the Federal Government, servicing
 this demented Administration like a hooker going down on a John in Las Vegas.  If Bush's flirtations
 with the truth were being hammered in the press as frequently as those of "Liar, Liar" Gore, or tracked
 as carefully as every erection Clinton ever had, we'd be watching Impeachment hearings on CNN
 instead of Nancy Grace foaming at the mouth over Scott Peterson.

 Forget terrorists poisoning our water supplies.
 These guys have replaced our drinking water with Kool Aid.
 Sooner or later, we can only hope it will leave a bitter taste......

 Never in American history has one man had total and complete power.
 And this partucliar "man" is a snot-nozed, spolied little boy who enevr heard the word "No," growing up.
 He's allowed to throw whatever tantrum he wants and he's allowed to kill any person, group or country
 that his oil-filled heart sets its eyes on. long as he doesn't have sex, they'll let him kill who he wants.


 Why do you insist on forgetting the 17 dead on the USS Cole!!!...during 'Clinton's watch'.

 To continue to ignore them in your 'Truth about Somalia' bullshit is to dishonor them.

 Have a nice day...

 I insist on forgetting nobody.
 Reagan ordered those men in Lebanon to be exposed to truck bombs over the objections of the Joint Chiefs.
 That's his screw up.

 Bush had April Glaspie tell Saddam he could take Kuwait and get no grief from America.
 That's his screw up.

 Bush the Stupid lied about Iraq's WMD and got 200 brave men killed, so far.
 That's one of his many lies and screwups.

 Now, you're accusing Clinton of not personally babying a war ship?

 If Clinton ordered the Cole into that port, and the Cole's commander said,
"But Sir, it's not safe! We could lose lives if that order is carried out," and Clinton demanded
 that the Cole dock in that unsafe port in Yemen, over the objections of his military advisors,
 then I'd say we should hold hearings and force Clinton to explain himself.

 Go climb a tree...

"Trust me - I won't rob the Treasury!"


"The next time we go to war, don't give a specific reason for the war that
  the left can seize upon and later flog us with it ad nauseam, just do it.
  Remember, the first rule of Fight Club is that you don't talk about Fight Club."
     --Dennis Miller, Bush's best cheerleader, saying, "Screw those dead Iraqi kids"

"What's wrong with saying that?"

 Hey Dennis, if the reason we sent 200 brave Americans to their death isn't a lie,
 we've got nothing with which to flog you with it ad naseum - right?

 You will just die (laughing that is) if you

  Click  Here

 Hey Bart...

 Just to let you know, the members web site seems to be broken...
 a lot of words are missing, and some links aren't acting like links...

 The  regular "" portion of the site appears normal to me.
 Even  still, it might be me (another site I visit that uses Java is a little broke also...) .

 Keep up the good work!


 Dave, what you're seeing is tomorrow's page under construction.

 In an attempt to minimize keystrokes and mouse clicks, I keep a word from each headline,
 as well as the "Click  Here"  and the "Excerpt:" to save wear & tear on my arm. It's so much
 less painful to build a page when I don't have to re-color and re-font each line of text.

 If you check the page, say at 2 PM, it'll be mostly just pieces.  At 4 PM, you might find 4-5 stories,
 at 6 PM maybe 8-10 stories.  By midnight, there may be 15 stories and 20 or so if you check the next morning.

 I generally try to post around 1 PM, so tomorrow's page looks really empty at 2 PM. Also, the "tomoro" page
 is much more uncensored, and all comments are "off the record" until it hits the free page on the day it was dated.
 That gives me a little more freedom. I have dozens of members on the "editorial board" this way :)

 I'm not sure why no pictures of this seem to exist, but there is a Lockerbie Memorial in Scottland, I think.
 It's a rather ghoulish looking bit of architecture - lifesize, faceless ghosts kneeling and reaching towards the sky.

 Well, Letterman's writers crafted a joke about the odd picture, not knowing it's context, and Dave told it one night.
 As you can understand, the Lockerbie people went crazy with disbelief and forced an apology out of Dave at the top
 of the next night's show.  It was the worst show Dave ever did. For the whole hour, he was terrible unfunny and off-kilter,
 his timing was gone and there was a big thing hanging in the air and Dave (and the crowd) couldn't wait for the show to end.

 Why do I bring this up?
 If Ol' Bart is about to make a Lockerbie-sized, mega-blunder that's certain to outrage everyone, I'd sure like to know
 about it before hitting "send" on the next day's issue - so if you Members see something - send me an e-mail, OK?

 ...and why is it so hard to find a picture of that memorial?
 No wonder Dave's writers didn't know what it was...

 My good friend (and pillar) Jim Cudney found a picture of the strange sculpture.


 Click  to  Enter

 This is a BIG two weeks in world war II.
 We have the start of offensive operations in the Pacific.
 We've got the Kursk offensive in Russia, and finally,
 we've got the invasion of Sicily.

 I can't imagine how big Hitler's migraine must have been
 by the 12th but it had to be bad one.
   - Dave
 ha ha
 Good work, Dave!

 Subject: sodomy

 Bart -
 In the ongoing debate regarding the court's decision regarding "sodomy", why is the left allowing right-wing
 bigot/liars to associate sodomy, bestiality and child-sex exclusively with gays?  When one of those pop-up
 windows appears advertising X-rated sites, prominent among them are multiple "sodomy" sites as well as
 "sex with farm animals", "teen-aged girls", etc.  So how is it, then, that it is reported every time,
 "The supreme court made a decision on gay sex"?
 Sodomy is NOT gay sex.  Right-wing hate-mongers are getting away absolutely with unfairly discrediting
 a class of people by associating them exclusively with deviant sexual behaviors, exploiting fears, therewith
 getting more votes.  Yet, as far as I know, not an objective word has been written about it in the mainstream
 media OR the leftist press.  This not only affects gays but is indicative of the severely stressed and distorted
 nature of political discourse in America thanks to cleverly-calculated rhetorical scummery on the part of
 Republicans which began, full throttle, with Rush Limbaugh about 1990 and has gone completely out of hand.

  Help turn the tables on Bush and Ashcroft as Poindexter monitors "the enemies of America,"
  which includes anyone critical of President McWarHardon's supermarket sweep of Iraq.

 To empower citizens by providing a single, comprehensive, easy-to-use repository of information on
 individuals, organizations, and corporations related to the government of the United States of America.

 To allow citizens to submit intelligence about government-related issues, while maintaining their anonymity.
 To allow members of the government a chance to participate in the process.

 This site is new, and they're having traffic problems, it says.  I tried calling up Ted Olson and Admiral Poindexter,
 but their computer found "no matches,"  so maybe they're just working ths bugs out and it'll be working soon.
 They'll shut this site down once Carlyle and the BFEE get under the spotlight, so enjoy it while you can.


 "As to whether or not -- look, once the strategy is in place, I will let people know whether
   or not I'm airborne or not. In other words, I'm not trying to make any -- I don't need to
   dramatize the decision.  It's getting plenty of attention here at home. But we've got...
   -- and look, I'm just gathering enough information to be rational in what we do."   
    --Dubya Monkey, trying out that language thing the humans use      Attribution

 A Public Service Announcement from

"I can't swim."

 From World War II movies to Butch and Sundance,
 there's always a funny or tragic story about the guy who couldn't swim.

 In all my years, I've never heard anybody else say this, so I might as well say it now.
 Say there are twelve people reading this:
 I'll bet one of the twelve thinks, "I can't swim."

 This always struck me as funny because you can't help but swim.
 Your body floats, assuming you have breath in your lungs. If you're floating, all you
 have to do is paddle left and right and you're moving thru the water, a.k.a swimming.
 Unless you forget to breathe, (and barring ten foot waves) you're going to be swimming.

 I remember as a kid, trying to get coins off the bottom of a swimming pool.
 It's hard to do, because with your lungs full of air, you have to fight your way down.
 I finally figured out that the best way to get coins was to exhale as much as possible,
 then dive and grab the coins, always remembering there's one more step to go.
(I didn't dive for the really deep coins...)

 If you think you can't swim, read this story one more time and remember that.
 If you're driving over a bridge, if you're in a harbor tour, if you're doing anything and suddenly
 you find yourself in the water and you can't feel the floor, just remmeber what Ol' Bart said.

 Take a breath - you're not going to sink unless you forget to breathe.

 It's so easy,
 I could teach George W. Bush to swim.

There's Wimbledon, soccer and BIG-time analysis of the Tour de France.

Click to Enter

 Subject: post this smartenheimer


 Yes, Africa is a trainwreck of a continent. It has been for years.
 For instance, while President Clinton held the highest office in the land,
 about one million people died in Rowanda.

 I don't know if that's true or not.
 So far, you're "facts" haven't been all William Tell.

 There were numerous African wars and great atrocities.
 During that time, Clinton decided to go to war in Yugoslavia.

 True, Clinton put a stop to Milo's genocide, and in his eight years in office,  I imagine
 there was civil war and famine in Africa.  I think Clinton said he should have done more.

 Would you happen to know what the UN vote was?
 Thats right smart guy, Clinton didnt go to the UN, he simply dropped the god damned bombs.
 W went to the congress and the UN  --  see the difference pal?

 Carson, aka stupidheimer

 ha ha

 Yeah, ...I sure do.

 Nobody but Milo complained when Clinton stopped his ugly, genocidal rampage.
 But when the drunken American cowboy said, "Fuck Saddam, we're taking him out,"
 every nation stood up and told him to stop being such a selfish and greedy prick/bastard,
 but nobody could stop him because you and I pay taxes for the toughest military in the world.

 I remember it well, because it happened only 90 days ago.

 PS--remember all the supposed ethnic cleansing? That wasnt true at all!

 You mean all those mass graves were suicides that buried themselves?

Marty's E! page
Baron Dave Romm on the Knights Templar
'Dr. Poo'
Beyonce & Shania sang for the Prince's Trust
The Cayley Flyer
BBC defends their journalists
The world's largest Quran
And, Gaytona?


 Blame Bush for California's Budget Woes
    by Robert Scheer  as seen on

  Click  Here

 Hope for future fades in Bush's Iraq
  by Tom Newton Dunn In  Basra  for

  Click  Here.

 CoulterKampf - The Problem With Ann
 Bareback Sullivan retreats to an only 90 percent insane position

  Click  Here

 Portrait of a Young Man as Global Citizen

  Click  Here   is a severe threat to America.
Look at this picture they run of Tom Delay...

 Subject: Does Rep Pete Stark (D-CA) Read

"It seems to me that we should be putting money into the hands of people who will spend it immediately,"
 said Rep. Pete Stark, a member of the Joint Economic Committee. "The worst part is creating this huge deficit
 and giving it to the 1 or 2 percent of Americans who won't do anything but increase their wealth with it."

 Sounds like the bartcop tax plan to me!


 Keep pounding the hammer!


  Saw it on
 Miller time for Bush
  Former comic turns government apologist

  Click  Here

 Historically, many comedians have aimed their political and social commentary at the establishment.
 Dennis Miller prefers hanging out with them.

"Hi, I'm a whore."

 Y'know - I'm so ashamed.  I used to really like Dennis Miller,
 and years of praise can be found in the back pages...
 These days, that's embarrassing.

 Subject: morons


 if that dumbass C does get the onions to debate you, please let him/her know that,
 if Clinton had sexually harassed Jones, which he clearly did not and, by law, could not have,
 he still would not have committed a freaking crime.

 sexual harassment is a civil tort, not a crime.
 it's no different than libel or slander--nobody goes to jail for it.
 my God, these Republicans are almost as stupid as they are dishonest!

 how can you call yourself a good, patriotic American and know almost nothing
 about American law, government, or history???

 if i write more, i'll have a stroke.


 Fan mail


 Subject: Hey

 Now that you're charging for this rather mediocre pile of shit,
 you sure have become a lazy son of a bitch haven't you?

 You sure you're not a republican?

 Dude, I'm kinda busy today.
 Hold on to this "Suck me," until I can get to you, OK?

One last go-round for deficit shirts, mugs etc


Deficit mugs and shirts!
Give to your snotty GOP brother in law.
Show him what a  genius  Clinton was.

Click to own


"When you think about the continent of Africa, you think about leadership,
  you think about President Mbeki. He's taking strong positions along with
  President Obasanjo, and providing troops -- the South African."
     -- President Bloodthirsty     Attribution

 Seriously, when Bush tries to pronouncean African's name,
 doesn't Will Farrell from SNL pop into your head?
 He was almost as funny as the Unelected Chimp.

 Instant-load video exposing the Carlyle Group
  Held Over:  Did you know Colin Powell was a Carlyle boy?  I didn't...

  Click  Here

  Note: first 90 seconds in Dutch, the rest is in English


 You remember how, during the Clinton administration, the Repugnicans kept claiming that Clinton
 had the military over-extended?  Well, according to a good family friend who just retired from the
 Army reserves, eight out of the 10 (active duty) Army divisions are completely occupied between
 normal deployments (eg, Germany, South Korea, etc.) and combat roles in Iraq and Afghanistan.

 I certainly don't hear the media reporting this one!

 The media won't report anything negative or truthful about America's premier mass murderer.

 A League of his own
  Bush sets record for losing the most jobs.

"Some say [the economy] is doing pretty well -- well it may be.
 But people need more money in their pocket, as far as I’m concerned."
              George W. Bush, Campaign Speech in Tampa, FL   October 26, 2000

  Click  Here

 Just how bad is President Bush's record on job creation?
 It's like asking: "Just how bad was that fire aboard the Hindenberg?"

 With Friday's release of the June unemployment numbers we have payroll figures
 for the first 29 months of Bush's term in office. During that time, the U.S. economy
 has shed almost 2.5 million jobs.

 Remember each time Clinton's Miracle Economy set a new record (going up, not down,) the GOP would say,
 "Clinton shouldn't get credit for that. The American people deserve the praise - not Clinton."

"Americans need to stop being so lazy ...and work harder!"

Fight back with BartCop Radio

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You have two minutes to rant away.


"You’d think that Howard Dean’s rivals would start attacking him now that his fund-raising
  has elevated him to what amounts to front-runner status in the Democratic race. But each
  leading contender has his own strategic reason for laying off, at least until the fall, if not
  beyond—a scenario that could backfire by allowing Dean a free ride until it’s too late to stop him."
       --Howard Fineman,     Attribution

  Knowing the Democrats, they're afraid to attack Dean.

 Heat and violence hits US troops

 Click  Here

 Us soldiers expected gratitude for removing Saddam
 They were told that the people of this country would greet them as liberators.
"It's terrible. We're sleeping in this heat without any air-conditioning.
 I just wake up in a puddle of sweat every morning... and they're not
 giving us enough water, just a bottle a day!"

 Yes, they were lied to like the rest of us, but oh, how they looooove their Dubya in the military.

 It doesn't matter how many soldiers were killed for Bush's insatiable greed.
 They forgive him.
 It doesn't matter that the wartime deserter played cowboy and got 200 of our finest killed.
 They forgive him.
 It doesn't matter that all his rich friends became super-richer, while the military has been told
 to "be patient," because there's not enough money to get them off food stamps.
 They forgive him.
 It doesn't matter that the Idiot Chimp played dress-up in a pilot's uniform to preen for the TV cameras,
 with a sock in his crotch, using the war's survivors as puppets in his backdrop of the coast of San Diego.
 They forgive him.

 He didn't have sex, so it's OK if hundreds of their own die for Bush's oil folly?

 Have a good time today - that's an order.

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 Read the  Previous Issue

 It had  everything.

 Copyright © 2003,

                   Sexy brain Shirley

 Shirley - call me, just to say "Hi!"   Leave a two-minute message, please.
 I'll play it for your fans at  Maybe say some nasty things about George Bush.

 As far as I know, Shirley, our politics are identical.

 Bush is a horrid madman and a savage killer.
 He's a stupid criminal and a greedy bastard.

 Plus, leave an e-mail address and I'll make you a BartCop Member - for free!

 Please call the Bart-Phone at 918-493-1500
 That would be really cool - and I'll catch you on your next American tour.  and BartCop are trademarks of quality humor.
 Same for "ditto-monkey," "scum-sucking Republican bastards" and Gov Bush (R-Racist monkey)
 Hey, if Spike can do it, why can't I?

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