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Volume 1110 - Chicken Choker

A resource for non-embedded writers and an enlightened public

Please visit our newest sponsor

 Friday    July 11, 2003 


"This may be the first time in recent history that a president knowingly
  misled the American people during the State of the Union address.
  This was not a mistake. It was no oversight and it was no error."
      - Terry McAuliffe,  trying to get one Democrat to stand up and fight

"This guy can't be a Democrat - he's fighting back!"

Lee Hamilton?

 Hi, I'm Dubya's pet poodle, Lee
Hamilton and the 'October Surprise' cover-up

  Click  Here

"Hamilton held a press conference to clear Bush before the investigation into
  the deal between the Reagan-Bush candidates for presidential office and the
  Iranians, had even started. Hamilton then admitted he had not interrogated
  witnesses or talked with his special attorney hired to Investigate the matter."

 How did the Democrat allow Bush to appoint this shoe-licker to investigate 9-11?

 What's wrong with the Democrats?

 Why do they want to help Bush cover up what really happened on 9-11?
 Did Mr Rove order the Democrats to obey - or else?

 They're dismissing the our right to know the damn truth about Bush and Osama.

 If Bush is innocent and has nothing to hide, why did he appoint Henry Kissinger
 (R-Bloody Hands) and then the happy shoe-licker Lee Hamilton to investigate?

Anatomy of a coverup Iran/Contra

  Click  Here

 While both Polgar and Lisker clearly proved effective in helping suppress the
 dirtier aspects of the Iran contra affair, a key actor in the cover-up was the House
 Select Committee chair Lee Hamilton.

 It was Hamilton who drafted a letter to Costa Rican President OscarArias threatening a chill
 in relations if the Costa Rican attorney general proceeded to indict and prosecute long-time
 CIA asset and North operative John Hull, point man of the contra "southern front."  Hull had
 been identified by at least four eye-witnesses as being present on land he controlled in Costa
 Rica when large quantities of cocaine were loaded onto planes bound for the U.S.  But Oliver
 North invoked national security, writing in his NSC notebooks of a "need to protect Hull."

 ...and Hamilton is going to assure us Bush didn't know in advance about 9-11?

"I can roll these Democrats like
  I rolled Baghdad.  Hell, the Iraqi's
  at least fought back -  the Democrats
  just lay down for me - every time.

   "May I lick your boots, Sir?"

 Click  Here  for more that will turn your stomach,

 Once again, Bush gets a free pass
 and he won't be held accountable for any of his lies or his crimes.

 Feel sick?

  Use this...

 Call your representative and senator and ask them why a Bush bootlicker
 is steering the 9-11 committee to the "Bush is certainly innocent and blame-free" conclusion.

 Trust me, Hamilton has already written his "Bush is innocent" report
 Hamilton is a good dog - he knows how to obey commands..
 This hand job is just to placate the families of the victims of 9-11.

 Why is the B.F.E.E. bribing the jury foreman if Bush is innocent?

 Bush rat-F's his good friend Tony Blair!

  Click  Here

 U.S. intelligence officials had doubts about the quality of a British intelligence report alleging Iraq
 was seeking uranium from Africa in the weeks just before and after President Bush made the
 allegation in his State of the Union address in January, senior U.S. officials said Thursday.

  ha ha

 It's all Tony Blair's fault!

  ha ha

 Rove's been watching the Brit Parliament and he has decided
 that Tony is an employee they need to "let go."

 This is sweet!

 Two scumbags, trying to beat the other to the punch on selling out.
 Looks like Tony just lost his seat on the Carlyle Board of Directors.

 ha ha

 Tony's getting it almost as bad as Saddam.
 Who will hire a whore rejected by both the left AND the right?
 Of course, the American media will turn on Blair when Mr. Rove orders them...
 Never trust a Bush

 They will rat you out for a barrel of oil.

 It's what whores do.

 Canada to sell pot to its sick citizens
  A government that helps sick citizens?  How unusual...

  Click  Here

 Canada became on Wednesday the first country in the world to start selling marijuana
 to several hundred seriously ill people but said the pot project could be halted at any time.

 Alison Myrden, who has multiple sclerosis, a disorder of the brain and spinal cord, took part
 in a demonstration in Ottawa and condemned the government for appealing the court ruling.

"This country has to act now...nobody wants us to play this political football game any more.
 People are suffering and dying out there," she said.

 DEA is out of touch

  Click  Here

 This case suggests the White House's drug warriors - who insist on conflating marijuana with every other
 illicit substance - are increasingly out of touch with the common-sense views of people on the state and
 local level. Out of compassion for people who say they truly benefit from marijuana's medicinal value,
 nine states have legalized marijuana for medical uses, eight of those through ballot initiatives. Various studies
 demonstrate that marijuana offers therapeutic relief from a number of ailments, including AIDS, glaucoma,
 cancer and chronic pain.

 Washington has used every form of persuasion to keep other nations from liberalizing marijuana laws.
 But the shoes keep dropping. Several countries in Western Europe, including Spain and the Netherlands,
 have decriminalized marijuana in small amounts. Canada is about to join them, despite frantic lobbying by
 the Bush administration and threats that there will be inordinate delays at the border if the measure becomes law.

 This is pure GOP.
 After decades of screaming "less government," they insist on spending money to catch and arrest taxpayers
 who want to smoke a harmless flower in their homes, while subsidizing the poison brewers of BIG tobacco.

 The truth is, they can't stand to see somebody having fun - that's why they hate sex so much.

"Karl! Condi! Help me punish Canada - quick!"

Portrait of Bunnypants choking his chicken

 Dueling Quotes

"It's very important for us to stay the course, and we will stay the course."
      --Bunnypants, in Botswana,  Bush Says U.S. Must Stay Course in Iraq

"The Pentagon said Wednesday 1,044 American servicemen and women have been wounded in action
  or injured since the war in Iraq began March 20. Of that total, 382 have been wounded or injured since
  Bush declared major combat over, according to the Pentagon's figures. Of the 212 U.S. troops who
  have died in Iraq since the war began, 74 died after May 1, not including Thursday's toll."
     --Barry Schweid,   Bush Says U.S. Must Stay Course in Iraq

 Remember when Bush promised to take America in "a different direction" than Clinton took us?
 Clinton took us to peace and prosperity.

 Bush Knew Iraq Info Was False
  So says good puppy CBS...  Mr Rove will speak with them

  Click  Here

“The British government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought
  significant quantities of uranium from Africa,” Mr. Bush said.

 The statement was technically correct, since it accurately reflected the British paper.
 But the bottom line is the White House knowingly included in a presidential address
 information its own CIA had explicitly warned might not be true.

"Unka Dick said nobody would question what I said.
  You CBS people need to get with the program...
  What the hell - cut out Dan Rather's tongue."

Some gave all...

 High-stakes poker game
 Will Bush maintain public trust on Iraq occupation?

  Click  Here

"George W. Bush likes cards now and then, and the favorite game in his state is “Texas Hold ‘Em.”
  The choices are limited, though the betting is not, and most of the cards are dealt face up.
  It puts a premium on bravado, and on a willingness to put everything on the line in an
“OK Corral” style shootout. You win big—or lose big."

"I'm all in - if your boy is doing the dying..."


 I just saw Shrub on CNN, he was speaking in Uganda

 the bastard's nose was bright, bright red...

 ..he's been drinking!!


 ...we really oughta start making a stink about this.

...hammer on!!


President Jack in the Pants

George W. Bush 'Jack in the Pants' -  $29.95

Click  Here

It's the hottest political collectible of the year.
Twist the Puppet's crank to hear “Hail to the Thief” and out pops
Smirky McJack in the Pants, complete with presidential podium.
Puppet is hard rubber and fabric, ...but you knew that...

Damn, I wish I had a piece of this...

 Is Bush a better man drunk or sober?

 Think about it...
 When Bush was hard drinking every day, and using a lot of cocaine and screwing Mexican hookers,
 he wasn't killing anybody, except maybe the unborn baby that he helped Robin abort in that Houston hospital.

 But after he "sobered up," Bush started killing black men with sleepy lawyers like they were frogs
 with an firecracker stuck up their ass and tossed into the air for his personal entertainment.

 If memory serves me (I need a staff) Bush executed a Texas prisoner every two weeks
 while he was goveror of the only state that elected him to anything in his life, kill-happy Texas.

 But once this drunk sobered up (?) and was appointed president by his father's crooked fiends,
 he started a worldwide murder spree that has probably killed 10,000 to 20,000 people.

 I think I like the drunker Bush better.

 When drunk, citizen Bush can only kill a few motorists while drivng DWI.
 As our appointed king, he can kill hundreds of thousands with mere words.

 Subject: Dude, the intro is way too long

 Nearly four minutes of part four (symbolism?) of show seven is music.
 If I wanted to listen to music, I'd throw in a CD.

 A music intro shouldn't be any longer than 30 seconds.
 It can be longer, if you are talking over it.
 Just my 2¢.


 Note: I used a never-heard-before live, accoustic "My Sweet Lord"
           by George Harrison as a "mood enhancer."

 Kevin, I must admit I don't understand. Radio Show #7 was over an hour long.
 I'm not one of those people who's so damn enthralled with the sound of my own voice,
 like Rush, Laura, Hannity, O'Reilly, Weinerboy, Boortz, Harvey and the rest, that I
 have to hear myself speaking every second that the show is on the air.

 We have one advertiser, the very talented
 I'm trying to use the music as a mood enhancer as well as mortar between bits.
 Plus, ...about half the time the music is political.

 Of course, we have to have about two minutes of Shirley's fine, fine voice in each show,
 but surely that's not grating on you like fingernails on a blackboard, right?

 ...but I do appreciate your input.

 Radio feedback has been rarer than Democratic courage.

Marty's E! page
A fresh 'BAGnews'
Rolling Stones' Toronto concert still has tickets
Martin Scorsese producing for Sci Fi Channel
Princess Di won't be a comic book superhero after all
Katharine Hepburn's authorized biography goes on sale today
Jerry Springer's infomercial quotes Jonah Goldberg
Steve Wynn bought a Rembrandt
And, the Church of Universal Love and Music


 Bush Escalates Marijuana War 
  Great - another issue the Democrats can cave in on...

  Click  Here

 The Bush administration, pressing its campaign against state medical marijuana laws, has asked the
 U.S. Supreme Court to let federal authorities punish California doctors who recommend pot to their patients.

 The appeal "is a sign that this administration will do everything they can to defeat the will of the voters
 of California and many other states," said Graham Boyd, an American Civil Liberties Union lawyer for
 doctors, patients and AIDS support groups who sued the federal government in 1997 over the policy,
 which the Clinton administration originally introduced.

 We're all living in the goddamn Bizzaro world.

 Smoking flowers and smiling and making love are bad.
 Murdering defenseless Iraqi civilians is good, and we do it for f-ing sport.

 Blow jobs are now bad, war and recession are now good.
 National Parks are for oil drilling, and it's proper to take a torch to the Bill of Rights.

 Nazi coward Michael Savage wins a "Freedom of Speech" award,
 and Phil Donahue is yanked off MSGOP for "not fitting in" to their plans to worship Bush's wars.

 Debt and unemployment are in, and that phoney Clinton peace and prosperity horseshit
 has been thoroughly discredited by God himself, and we're all the better for it.

 Christ, it's like some damn Betty Bowers skit, but with an illegal usurper in the Whote House,
 who needs to cover up what he knew in advance about 9-11, and it's no longer a joke.

 If you're tired of hearing about Hamilton the shoe-licker covering up the Bush's 9-11 actions, ...we might be
 here for a while.  I don't like this shit one little bit, and I'm sure I'm on solid ground when I saw Lee Hamilton
 investigating Bush's background makes about as much f-ing sense as asking Siegfried  to investigate Roy.

 I don't mean to sound like Al Pacino, ...but don't you even care?

 Doesn't anybody care?

 Bush hired an employee to verify his greatness and bravery on the day bin Laden got even?

 ...and we just don't care to have a comment on that?

 They impeached the real president,
 they stole the election from the afraid-to-fight Democrats,
 they robbed the Social Security money that was in the Treasury,
 they gave that money to Enron, GE, Viacom, Exxon-Mobil, Worldcom, Microsoft and Wal-Mart,
 they hired Poindexter, Cheney, Rummy and Carlyle and Halliburton to help pull off the murder of Baghdad,,
 and now they hire shoe-licker Hamilton to guarantee history that Bush is an honorable man?

  Feel sick?

  Use this...

 Then write or call your representative and senator and ask them why a Bush bootlicker
 is steering the 9-11 committee to the "Bush is certainly innocent and blame-free" conclusion.

 Why is the B.F.E.E. bribing the jury foreman if Bush is innocent?

 Subject: Bush said that it "doesn't matter?"


 You are the nation's ombudsman and its ultimate arbiter of truth.  My wife claims that she heard
 Poisonous Monkeyhead say that it doesn't really matter if Saddam had WMDs or not as long as
 the American people BELIEVED that he did (as a justification for war).

 I have not heard that, but I'd puy my money on it.
 He's said lots much stupider stuff than that, and the press just looks the other way.

 Did Awol C-Minus actually utter this sentiment, and, if so,
 why hasn't this remark been seized upon by ANYONE?

 Dude, they won't even ask him how many times he's pled guilty to felonies.
 This is unheard of!

 They asked Clinton to explain check he wrote in the seventies, but Bush doesn't even get asked,
"Sir, of how many felonies have you been convicted?"

 They say, "It's none of your damn business how many felonies your King has!"

"That's right, Funnyboy.
 You need to watch what you say...
 You realize, we can legally murder your punk ass
 and no power on Earth could get justice for you..."

 My wife said she saw the Psychopathic Cowboy say this on ABC's
"World News Tonight," if that's any help.
 We need you to shine the beacon of truth on this situation.


 In closing, I'll bet he said it.
 But be careful using  for reference material.

 It's not like I'm under oath, ...or have the integrity of the American press.

 Supplemental Income

 I've been offered a part-time job.
 This dude with a bar will give me $150 a shift to help run the place.
 (It would be an executive position.)
 Two of those a week would be an extra thousand a month.

 Bonus: Since I don't own the place, if somebody gets stabbed or shot,
                I won't have to talk to any policemen, ...probably.

 I haven't answered him yet, and don't tell Smirk, but that's tax free money.
 It's like "Not-going-back-to-work-for-whitety" insurance.

 I'm going to pray on it.

Say it with me, kids: L'Alpe d'Huez.
 It's a really big mountain and Lance is going to
demolish the field when he climbs the famed mountain.
 That's on Sunday, so Jason and I can obsess over sprinters until then, eh?

There's also tons of baseball going on.
The Yankees and Red Sox still dislike one another.  Whodathunk it?
And Randall Simon collects his first hit in the month of July.
Unfortunately, it wasn't with a baseball.

Check out the sports dish at BartCopSports!
And hey, drop me a line!
Tell me I'm an idiot or something.

Click to Enter


"I believe the Bush administration did not provide an accurate picture to the American
  people of the military threat posed by Iraq. Some of the fault lies with the performance
  of the intelligence community, but most of it lies with the way senior officials misused the
  information they were provided.  As of March 2003, when we began military operations,
  Iraq posed no imminent threat to either its neighbors or to the United States."
    --Greg Thielmann,  former State Department big shot

 Who should have the bomb?

 If I understand our philosophical position against other nations getting the bomb,
 it is predicated on the assumption that "those people" can't be trusted with the bomb.
 They're the type of people who might go off "half cocked" and use their weapons
 for frivolous reasons, without thinking matters through, with little or no justification.

 For 40-50 years, we lived with Russia and China having the bomb, and we made it
 because of MAD, mutually assured destruction. But now, there's a new breed of madmen
 who take their orders to invade other nations directly from the one, true God (not those
 fake Gods that the gutter religions pray to...  Boy, are they stupid...)

 How will we handle this new breed of self-delusional maniacs?

"God made me president as part of my mini fest destiny.
  He told me to murder Baghdad and kill Saddam."

 Poker fever

 What about a weekly, semi-friendly game hosted by,
 the sponsors for the Travel Channel's World Poker Tour on Wed nights.

 I've taken the tour, it seems to work fine, once you learn the deposit rules.
 You give them a credit card, and what the credit card company takes as a fee, gives that back, plus a few extra dollars for "good luck."

 Say you send them $50, they'll charge you $5, but
 will give you credit for, like $53, so that makes it better than free.

 Of course, this is real money and you could lose your money.
 If you have gambling issues, maybe this isn't for you.

 The room I visited played 50 cent/dollar stakes.
 I'll check into getting a private room, for smart liberals only (cough).
 but at the worst, we could take over a room and freeze out DMs and civilians.

 They also have a chat feature, but the game moves along quickly,
 there's not a lot of time for conversation.

 It's cheaper than renting a hotel room,
 and you can't get pinched for DUI on the drive home.

 Anyone interested?

 Be sure and put "poker" in the subject header

 Brand New!
Bush mushroom cloud "Bring 'em on" shirts! exclusive!
Buy a shirt, support and show the world
that you know there's an illegal monkey in the White House.

 Subject: It makes me sick

 You know what really makes me sick?
 Our soldiers are dying in Iraq and Afghanistan and yet,
 most of our military will still vote for that jackass.
 I'll never understand that.

 I guess they like dying so Bush can get more money.
 I know that not all of them will vote for Bush, but when I look at the polls
 and see that the military loves Bush it makes me sick.

 I don't believe the polls that say he is popular. Here's why:  if he's so popular,
 then why does he only speak to republican crowds in controlled settings?

 Clinton was never afraid to go out and walk among everyday people.
 Bush could never do that; he knows everyone can't stand him

 Thanks again for the great site, the "tree house," and for keeping us going
 until we can kick these maniacs out of the White House in 2004.
 I'm supporting Kucinich for now. My second choice is Dean, and then Kerry.

 Maria in CA

 Bush in Africa: Photo-Ops vs. Policies

  Click  Here

"While Bush has made much of his commitment to fighting AIDS in Africa, this is becoming a cruel hoax.
 The president requested no new money this year and only $450 million in new money for 2004.
 He has virtually sidestepped the Global Fund to Fight AIDS, thus undermining the most important vehicle
 in the war on AIDS in Africa."

"God told me to attack the non-whites, so I did."

Fight back with BartCop Radio

July Special!!

Sign up for 30 days of 
for the low, low price of only eleven dollars.

I'll bet some of you are weary about signing up for a "subscription,"
because some companies, like AOL continue to bill you for months
after you send your 'unsubscribe' notice, the bastards.

Remember  Bart's Law #2
 Any time a person or entity makes a "mistake" that puts extra money in their pocket,
 expect them to make that "mistake" again and again and again.
 That's why refineries have fires now and then, because a fire allows them
 to scream "unexpected shortage" so they can gouge us on the price of gas.
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 Building into a powerhouse - - - good!

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 Powell: No Uranium Claim Apology Needed

  Click  Here

 Colin Powell defended the administration in its handling of information about Iraqi weapons programs,
 saying that Bush shouldn't have to apologize for a statement that later proved false.

"There was no effort or attempt on the part of the president or anyone else in the administration
 to mislead or to deceive the American people," Uncle Tom said while traveling with his Massa.
 "The president was presenting what seemed to be a reasonable statement at that time."

 Remember, this is the same Colin Powell who threw his prepared speech into the air and said,
"I'm not reading this - this is bullshit," and now he claims there was no effort to mislead?
 Colin Powell is lying just like Bush lied, like Cheney lied, like Rummy lied, like they all lied,
 and the press lets them get away with it - again and again, time after time.

 Have you ever wondered why Colin and Condi lie for their Master?
 Have you wondered why Colin and Coni sold out to the B.F.E.E.?

 Click  Here  to listen to Malcolm X explain it.

 Call the 

You have two minutes to rant away.

 Tommy Franks is another George Patton?

 I'm sure Tommy Franks is a helluva soldier and a fine general,
 but let's not get carried away with the Patton comparisons, OK?

 To some degree, Patton fought knowing the future of America depended on what he did or didn't do.
 Can you imagine the pressure on that man?  If he got surprised on the battlefield, and had his division
 been wiped out, we might be speaking German right now. The armies were close to evenly matched.

 Tommy Franks had an army from a hundred years in the future and was fighting cavemen with sticks.
 In Iraq, we owned the skies, we could see them at night, we had satellite info coming out the wazoo,
 our cruise missles were pounding them from hundreds of miles away, and on and on and on.

 America spends $400 billion a year on defense, Iraq spent $4 billion. We had them outmatched
 at least a hundred to one,  so could please we dial back the "Franks is another Patton," a little bit?

 The good puppy press is so damn eager to create this myth that Franks is Patton and the trembling
 cowboy Bunnypants is Eisenhower. But like everything about this child in office, it's all fake.

 Subject: BartCop Radio

 just to let ya know... on show 7, i got part 5 only.  1 thru 4 would load but would not play.
 i tell you this not to bug for a fix, but to see if others had the same difficulty.
 i hate missing out cause i am really enjoying the show!

 your rant on the invisible cloud being was friggin' delicious...
 i was shaking in my seat with tears running down my face from laughing so hard!
 go team go!

 Sloop, I wish I had a clue.

 Parts 1, 2 and 3 took the instant load technology,
 but parts 4 and five rejected their links like the GOP rejects blacks.

 How can digital technology work on 1, 2 and 3 and fail on 4 and five?
 How can you get five, but not the others?  I certainly believe you,
 but it's like saying you only get every other cartoon - it makes no sense.

 I have re-tooled the links to accomodate direct MP3 downloads.
 It has to work now - it just has to.
 The problem is with the insta-load technonoly.
 It works on Mondays, Wednesdays and weekends,
 but if goes down like Paula Jones on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays.
 It makes no sense.

 All I have a smart mouth, a microphone and the truth.
 If I had a half-assed engineer that could fix stuff, we'd be much, much bigger.

 <big Al Gore sigh...>

 Maybe someone will write in with a clue?

 I'll bet somewhere, right now, a group of wealthy liberals is ranting against FOX Bastard News saying,
"Why can't our side fight back a little? Why do we always lay down for these Nazi bullies?"

 I wish I could reach them.

 Have a good time today - that's an order.

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 Read the  Previous Issue

 It had  everything.

 Copyright © 2003,

 Shirley - call The BartPhone,  just to say "Hi!"
 Maybe leave a two-minute message...
 I'll play it for your fans at
 Maybe say some nasty things about fascist, sex-starved Bush.
 Shirley, as far as I know, our politics are identical.

Bush is a horrid madman and a savage killer.
He's a stupid criminal and a greedy, blood-loving bastard.

 Plus, leave an e-mail address and I'll make you a BartCop Member - for free!

 Call the Bart-Phone at 918-493-1500
 That would be really cool,
 and I'll catch you at the Vegas Hard Rock on your next American tour.  and BartCop are trademarks of quality humor.
 Same for "ditto-monkey," "scum-sucking Republican bastards" and Gov Bush (R-Racist monkey)

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