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Volume 1113 - Curse of the Black Pearl

A resource for non-embedded writers and an enlightened public

Please visit our newest sponsor

 Tuesday    July 15, 2003 


"Move aside, Dixie Chicks: Austin's Jimmie Dale Gilmore has outdone you in the presidential insult department.
  The Portsmouth (N.H.) Herald reports that three songs into his sold-out show in Portland, Maine, last week, the
  Flatlander paused and said, among other things, that he's "deeply disgusted" with the current political situation
  and that "in my opinion, Osama bin Laden and George Bush are exactly the same because they both love hatred."

  A loud round of applause followed. "I'm a real Texan, and I personally like George Bush," Gilmore continued.
 Bush "is a good guy who got caught in a bad situation and just got carried away."
     --Jimmie takes on George

"Kill him Hillary-style - two shots to the head.
  Karl has people that can get rid of the body."

 Bush White House in crisis over Iraq war lies
  World cringes under the rule of a gangster administration

  Click  Here

"After a week of conflicting claims from CIA and White House aides about the preparation of
 the State of the Union speech, Bush and Rice both categorically declared Friday that the CIA
 had approved every word of the text which Bush delivered on January 28.   Two hours later,
 Tenet issued a carefully worded statement that had reportedly been discussed for several days
 with White House aides, accepting responsibility.

 Bush declared that he had full confidence in Tenet and was prepared to “move on.” There is an
 aspect of the bizarre in this transparently self-serving statement. The issue is not Tenet’s standing
 with Bush, but Bush’s role in flagrantly lying to the American people.

 Barge Poles 
     by Chris Floyd

  Click  Here

 That might get you a pat on the head from the White House, but it won't achieve your "ultimate objective."
 No, for that, you must cross the proper palms with silver.  And those would be the hot little hands of Halliburton,
 the great googily-moogily of militarized American commerce. The well-connected conglomerate has been handed
 billions in taxpayer money -- often in open-ended, no-bid, have-a-spree contracts -- to supply military, construction
 and energy services to the Potomac Empire's far-flung outposts around the globe. Most recently they've taken up
 yet another profitable little sideline, courtesy of the White House: controlling Iraq's oil fields -- the second largest
 petroleum reserves in the world.

 Subject: but Clinton lied about having sex

 Only two years ago, the government ended its budget year with a $127 billion surplus.
 That was the fourth straight and the second largest ever.
 Those were the Clinton years, four years straight and the secound highest surplus ever.

 Since then, the budget has careened through its most abrupt, steepest reversal ever.
 Last year, deficits returned with the red ink reaching $158 billion.

 Until now, the record shortfall was $290 billion in 1992 under the first President Bush.

 The Bush administration is expected to forecast record deficits for this year
 and next exceeding $400 billion, perhaps reaching $450 billion.


 Hey, we may all die broke, but at least we know this man who emptied the Treasury didn't have sex.
 All he did was recklessly get 200 brave soldiers killed because he couldn't control his war hardon.

 How George W. Bush Won the 2004 Election
  Purging voter lists is just the beginning: the U.S. has embraced a form of electronic voting
  that is unreliable, unverifiable and funded by the radical Christian right
  Click  Here

 Now, their concerns are being echoed by a new group of writers, journalists and activists who have raised
 alarming and explosive details about electronic voting in America. While academics such as Professors Rebecca
 Mercuri and David Dill and organizations such as the Association for Computing Machinery have carefully
 documented how voting systems are vulnerable to fraudulent manipulation, journalists such as Lynn Landes, Jerry
 Bowles and Bev Harris are alerting Americans to an electronic coup d'etat in the making. If their charges are true,
 and there is little evidence to contradict their claims, George W. Bush has already won the 2004 election.

 My brother in Baghdad

 Bart,  as you may or may not know, my brother in in Baghdad.  I won't mention the unit or
 where he is staying.  My mom and I were pretty much at odds before the war, because she
 bought the propaganda that anti-war protesters were against the troops.

 She attended a family support meeting yesterday--she drives over 100 miles to attend these
 military-sponsored events in Central Illinois. They showed her a picture of my brother in front
 of his humvee with bullet-holes in the windshield.  She got a letter from him that he has lost
 20 pounds and does not get regular meals.  She was instructed (again) to contact her
 congressman to ask why he's only getting one letter a month.

 Last time she called the congressman--a Southern Illinois Republican--she was told:
 "Do you want him to get mail?  Or do you want him to get food?"

 Sounds awfully strange for a war we won so triumphantly.

 Trouble is, if Bush doesn't bring our troops home, how can he have a parade?  If he does bring them home,
 he doesn't get to steal their oil anymore and can't manufacutre evidence of a Iraqi WMD when he needs it,
 say, when the polls show him down to a Democrat.  This is a disaster in the making, Bart.   Not a "Hooray,
 that will help the Democrats" disaster. A personal disaster.  Not some inconvenience resulting from a call up.
 And it is occuring all over the country to lots of people.

 I want to hear one Democrat say: "Let's bring our troops home."  Not, "Bush made a bad decision."
 I want to hear Ralph Nader say:  "There is no difference between Al Gore and George Bush."

 Needless to say, my mom has come around.  She won't be voting for George Bush (She didn't in 2000).
 She won't be voting for a Republicrat that voted to authorized the use of force, either.

 I think Rush should try the BFEE diet:
 Five MRE's a week.



"I will bring honor to the process and honor to the office I seek.
  I will remind Al Gore that Americans do not want a White House
  where there is 'no controlling legal authority.' I will repair the
  broken bonds of trust between Americans and their government."
    --George W. Bush, lying bastard, March 7, 2000   Attribution

         "They fell for that, didn't they, Georgie?"

 Liar! Liar! Speech on Fire
    by The Angry Liberal  as seen on

  Click  Here

 Now we hear that CIA Director, George Tenet, has decided to fall on the sword for Bush:

      First, CIA approved the president's State of the Union address before it was delivered.
      Second, I am responsible for the approval process in my agency. And third, the president
      had every reason to believe that the text presented to him was sound.

 Good ol' George Tenet. At least somebody connected with this speech is man enough to take the blame.
 The basic problem here is the following: Tenet didn't write the speech. Tenet is taking the blame only for
 the approval process. So which one of Bush's people put this lie in the speech in the first place? And why
 isn't that guy/gal's head on a post in front of the White House as a warning to others who might want to
 use propaganda to start a war?

 Do you remember the State of the Union contest we had?

 Cynthia knew, I knew, you knew, everybody knew Smirk would be lying that night.
 The press is acting so shocked that this intellectual dry hole would lie that night.

 ..and the press is our watchdog against political corruption?

"I'm stealing all I can because nobody is trying to stop me."

 ESPN turns Nazi whore, hires vulgar Pigboy for football
  What, ...Michael Savage was busy?

  Click  Here

 Passed over by ABC's Monday Night Football three years ago, talk show Nazi Rush Limbaugh
 has been called up to the NFL by ESPN. Limbaugh will deliver a weekly opinion piece on ESPN's
 revamped Sunday NFL Countdown and also will provide three challenges per show to comments
 by Chris Berman, Tom Jackson, Steve Young and Michael Irvin, who has replaced Sterling Sharpe.

"We want to give Nazi pigs a voice, and Rush is the person who can do it," said Mark Shapiro,
 ESPN's chief of raking in the extra nickel at the expense of dignity.

 Somehow, I can't see Michael Irvin making cutesy talk with the overbearing Nazi.
 If Michael Irvin is half the man I think he is, he'll punch Rush out the first week.

 When you write ESPN to ask why they hired a stinking Nazi, they say this:

 Thank you for your e-mail.

 Rush is an excellent communicator and a big sports fan.
 He was hired for those two reasons, not his politics.
 His role will be to provide the fans perspective and to create discussion and debate.

 ESPN Viewer Response


 He was hired so you could make that easy ditto-monye dollar.
 His sheep will follow him like the Pied Piper, and uyou guys stopped below the gutter
 to hire a vulgar nazi pig so he could spread his hate to television, too.

 The Freepers were organized and got Jeanine Garafolo's showed bumped off ABC.
 Now the vulgar Piugboy is doing football, but of course, the Democrats are too polite
 to think about raising an uproar to get him bumped. I'm so sick of sheep...

 Ex-Inspector's Book Attacks Bush, UN
  Scott Ritter calls 'em like he sees 'em

  Click  Here

 Former U.N. weapons inspector Scott Ritter released a new book, accusing Never Elected of illegally
 attacking Iraq and calling for "regime change" in the United States at the next election.

 Ritter criticized the U.S.war at Monday's U.N. news conference. He said Bush lied to the American people
 and Congress about Iraq's WMD. He also said U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan lacked courage and that
 former chief weapons inspector Hans Blix was "a moral and intellectual coward."

 Ritter, a former U.S. Marine, was a weapons inspector in Iraq from 1991 to 1998. He has been a vocal critic
 of the Bush administration's policy on Iraq.

 Ritter said he wrote "Frontier Justice, Weapons of Mass Destruction and the Bushwacking of America"
 to educate people. The paperback, published by Context Books, has on its cover a picture of Bush in jeans
 and a cowboy hat, behind the wheel of a truck.


"If you want a Lottaburger, go to Blake's.
  If you want a Happy Meal, go to McDonald's.
  If you want a whopper, go to the White House."
      --Bumper sticker, spotted in Albuquerque

 A Firm Basis for Impeachment
   Click  Here

 Does the president not read? Does his national security staff, led by Condoleezza Rice,
 keep him in the dark about the most pressing issues of the day? Or is this administration
 blatantly lying to the American people to secure its ideological ends?

 We now know that before Bush's January speech, Robert G. Joseph, the National Security Council
 individual who reports to Rice on nuclear proliferation, was fully briefed by CIA analyst Alan Foley
 that the Niger connection was no stronger than it had been in October. It is inconceivable that in
 reviewing draft after draft of the State of the Union speech, NSC staffers Hadley and Joseph
 failed to tell Rice that the president was about to spread a big lie to justify going to war.

 On national security, the buck doesn't stop with Tenet, the current fall guy. The buck stops with
 Bush and his national security advisor, who is charged with funneling intelligence data to the president.
 That included cluing in the president that the CIA's concerns were backed by the State Department's
 conclusion that "the claims of Iraqi pursuit of natural uranium in Africa are highly dubious."

 I'm telling you - this all boils down to male sexuality.
 Bush and his team of thugs literally had a hardon for murdering Saddam and stealing Iraq's oil,
 and since the press has always given him a free ride without consequences, and since the gelding
 Democrats are too afraid to even f-ing whimper, Bush did what any man would do - he took his shot.

 Absoute power will drive a good man bad, so if you're a greedy oil tycoon to start with, there aren't
 many good places you can go once you have absolute power with nobody to hold you accountable.

 This is mostly the fault of the Democrats.

 The press will cover a fight if they see one - but there's no fight to cover.  The kittenish Democrats
 have rolled over for this ruthless monster and his gang of thugs, and if you can do ANYTHING without
 anyone tryiong to stop you, you might as well take over the whole world - it's human nature!

 With the Democrats in permanent bend-over posture, it's common
 sense that evil will take bold steps.  I wish everyone would stop
 acting surprised that evil men will move forward when they can.

  "But Bart, we're too cowardly to do our jobs. We're too f-ing scared to fight!"

 Yeah, tell me something I don't know..
 If you're too scared to do your jobs, please resign so braver citizens can take over.

 Have a question or a comment?

  Email Bart


 Well, it appears that Saddam was telling the truth and Bush was lying.


 Frank, good point.
 Saddam is a heartless, murdering scumbag, ...and America has one of those, too.
 The only difference is, Saddam got the most votes in his election.

 Bush put Saddam in an unwinnable position.
 He wanted Saddam to prove to the world that he had no weapons and was totally defenseless.

 Think of the Middle East as a really bad neighborhood, run by gangs of crude, medieval thugs.
 Imagine going into Compton (I don't know what I'm talking about) and demanding that the Crips prove
 to everyone that they have no weapons - none at all.  The minute they do, the Bloods pay them a visit.

 When you're a clueless pinhead, who has never had to use your brain, you don't allow for the possibility
 that there may be more than one solution to a problem. If Saddam's choices were suicide or suicide,
 at least this way he goes out standing up to the American Monster.

 Pirates of the Depp - Curse of the Black Pearl

 I only read one review of the new Johnny Depp movie.
 It was by Mike Clark of USA Today - and it was right on the mark, again and again.

 He said, "Finally, a summer movie that delivers!"
 I agree.
 It's not in the Top Ten films I've ever seen, but it gets an A+ from Ol' Bart.

 Clark said, "Think of Raiders of the Lost Ark, that's how good this is."
 I agree.

 This is an exciting movie, it could be scary for kids (what do I know?) but there was no nudity,
 there were no curse words, so it might've gotten the PG-13 from the scary pirate scenes.
 They took the time to establish the characters, they had a real story - it was a fun night out.
 I'll bet this is a score movie if you guys are looking for a movie to take your girl to.

 Johnny Depp is the kind of guy I'm not supposed to like, but I do.  This was a very strange role,
 but Depp is so wacky, he takes the wacky roles.  Depp's pirate is an extra-likeable guy, but he seems,
 especially early on, to be exxaggerating a gay walk and a gay tone in his voice., being a sheltered Catholic in cow-country Oklahoma, I'm not on all-that-stable ground when I say
 that Depp's character seemed either a little gay or a little Mother England.  There are those who would ask,
 "What's the difference?" but I'm saying don't challenge me on that because my evidence is impirical.
 Somehow, he pulls it off and the character works.

 And then there's the PG-13 sex angle.
 If this is what PG-13 sex is about, I'd like to charge a case of it to my SW Airlines Visa Card.

 A star is born!
 Her name is Keria Knightly, but it should be Kiera Hourly.

 In this movie, there are maybe 100 really, really, ugly doomed-to-hell-for-eternity pirates.;
 After watching these ghastly, groutesque things slither about in the film, beauty is more appreciated.
 When young Kiera Knightly is on the big screen, she sparkles, she dazzles and she really steals the show.
 Last time I fell in love at the movies was Kate Hudson in Almost Famous, and that's been what, two years?

 This movie was two hours of extremely unattractive, dead and rotting pirates, so when the lovely Kiera showed up,
 it was more soothing than drinking cold, cold milk at a Four-Alarm Chili Cookoff in f-ing Austin on the Fourth of July.

 Geoffrey Rush has never been my main man, but he delivered the goods in this movie.
 Orlando BLOOM played the not-worthy-of-the-charms-of-the Commador's-daughter role.
 He looks like Luke Perry, but Mrs Bart says he's more handsome than Perry.

 Trust me.
 You can see this movie with Mo, Grandma AND the kids.  Even the music is pulse-pounding.
 This is like some throwback movie, back when you could go to the movies and have a damn good time.

 Pirates of the Caribbean - Curse of the Black Pearl is a bang and a half.
 It's a fun as hell family movie, like Raiders, but without the Nazis, ...except...
 The main bad guy looked a little like Whistle Dick Cheney, and he DID have a pet monkey...

 ha ha

 Go see this movie - thank me later.

 Poker tonight - 9 PM Central

 The room is "Bartcop's Pvt Table," the password is chinaco.

 It takes a while to sign up, so don't wait till 8:45 to start.

 Remember - gambling is a sin - don't do it
 Poker is fun and the Invisible Cloud Being says "Deny yourself all pleasure."

 That's how He wants it, so obey His orders or burn in hell for all eternity.

 See you at 9 PM CENTRAL

Marty's E! page
Michael Dare's 'Disinfotainment Today'
Lily Tomlin is this year's 'Mark Twain Prize' winner
Steve Harvey understands tv economics
Pigboy joins ESPN/Disney football
ABC/Disney dumps reality programming for cheaper reruns
Bruce Springsteen & New Jersey finances
Pierce Brosnan and an honorary OBE
Ingmar Bergman moves
Dale Robertson turns 80
And, drive-in movies


 Subject: "Why the hell...?"

 Bart, you wrote:

 > Why the hell did you let Ashcroft in the first damn time?

 Re: Ashcroft's confirmation, Senators Edwards and Kerry (and Lieberman and Graham) voted NO!!

 Dodd, Breaux, Feingold, Byrd, Miller (of course), and (future 'hero') Jeffords voted yes!

 Granted, they didn't filibuster like I wished they would've....


 Eddy the Pillar!

 Dude, I'm so easy to please.

 I would've settled for each elected Democrat in Washington calling a press conference to say,
"I don't think any of us, in good conscience, can allow this insane monster and his Old
 Testament bullshit to be the top cop in this country.   Mr. Never-Elected needs to find
 a SANE nominee for AG and if not, we'll not only filibuster this madman, we'll filibuster
 every nomination until November of 2004 if the Governor wants to play hardball."

 But nooooooooooooooooooo - they bent over for the illegal thug,
 and this is AFTER they impeached our legally elected president for no damn reason.

 What's wrong with the Democrats?

 Mostly, this was a sin of vanity.  Senators think they're so damn special, like the DC chapter of Skull & Bones.
 Ashcroft got an automatic pass for being a former senator (Remember, he lost to a dead man), even though he's
 crazy and lied like a Bush at his confirmation, promising to uphold the Constitutioon and all - that's not what a
 religiously insane wacko does.  Senate Democrats sold out their constituents and their country by affirming this monster.

 And what did their sellout cost us?
 The First, 4th, 5th, 6th and 8th Amendments, for starters.

 You don't send Jack the Ripper into your daughter's bedroom, and then scream,
"How could this rape/murder have happened?" when it does?

 I don't want Democratic apologies after they give away the Constitution.
 I want them to stand and fight while it's under assault.

 The California Secretary of State has extended the deadline for public comment on electronic voting machines issues
 until the end of July. If they do this right, California may be able to set a standard the rest of the country will follow,
 so even if you are not a California resident, your input will still be important.

 Submit your comments:   Write to:

 Secretary of State Kevin Shelley
 Attn: Touch Screen Report
 1500 11th Street
 Sacramento, CA 95814

 Send email to:

 Fax comments to:  (916) 653-9675

 Barry Crimmins

  Click  Here

 Just what the hungry people of Africa need -- the empty calories of George W. Bush's rhetoric.

 Here's why Bush really went to Africa -- it is as as far away as Rove could get him at a time
 when the court-appointed administration had to begin to admit that its premise for war was fallacious.

 Let's hope Charles Taylor of Liberia sets a good example for Bush and steps down quickly.

"Africa is part of America's history. Europeans and Africans came to this country together,
 Africans in chains. And slavery was, of course, America's birth defect." -- Condoleezza Rice

 Your ancestors were in chains, Condi, what's your excuse for involvement with white devils?

Say it with me, kids: L'Alpe d'Huez.
 It's a really big mountain and Lance is going to
demolish the field when he climbs the famed mountain.

There's also tons of baseball going on.
Check out the sports dish at BartCopSports!

And hey, drop me a line!
Tell me if I'm doing a good job or not.

Click to Enter

Lyin in Africa

 20 lies about Bush's war
  It had to come from overseas - our press won't print the truth.

  Click  Here

  1.Iraq was responsible for the 11 September attacks
  2 Iraq and al-Qa'ida were working together
  3 Iraq was seeking uranium from Africa for a "reconstituted" nuclear weapons programme
  4 Iraq was trying to import aluminium tubes to develop nuclear weapons
  5 Iraq still had vast stocks of chemical and biological weapons from the first Gulf War
  6 Iraq retained up to 20 missiles which could carry chemical or biological warheads,
     with a range which would threaten British forces in Cyprus
  7 Saddam Hussein had the wherewithal to develop smallpox
  8 US and British claims were supported by the inspectors
  9 Previous weapons inspections had failed
10 Iraq was obstructing the inspectors
11 Iraq could deploy its weapons of mass destruction in 45 minutes
12 The "dodgy dossier"
13 War would be easy
14 Umm Qasr
15 Basra rebellion
16 The "rescue" of Private Jessica Lynch
17 Troops would face chemical and biological weapons
18 Interrogation of scientists would yield the location of WMD
19 Iraq's oil money would go to Iraqis
20 WMD were found


"It's not Bush's fault - he got bad intelligence from the CIA and the British."
   -- Every punk-ass liar on FOX, MSGOP, CNN and talk radio

 If the Murdering Monkey is getting bad information from the intelligence agencies,
 maybe he should stop murdering innocent women and children until the CIA starts telling the truth?

 Bush mushroom cloud "Bring 'em on" shirts! exclusive!
Buy a shirt, support and show the world
that you know there's an illegal monkey in the White House.

 Life sentence given in toe-sucking case
  Dick Morris - call your office!

 The former supervisor of a Newport Beach youth program was sentenced Friday to life in prison
 on 25 counts of lewd conduct and assault for sucking the toes of 20 boys.

 Trenton Veches, 32, will be eligible for parole in 15 years.

 During the trial, the defense lawyer said Veches' actions with boys 6 to 10 years old were "horseplay."
 But the prosecutor said Veches "clearly befriended these children, manipulated them and he sexually molested them."

 Veches was arrested in April 2002 after a co-worker reported seeing him sucking a boy's toes.

 I'm no expert, but how can you sexually molest a boy below the ankle?

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 Read the  Previous Issue

 It had  everything.

 Copyright © 2003,

 Shirley - call The BartPhone,  just to say "Hi!"
 Maybe leave a two-minute message...
 I'll play it for your fans at
 Maybe say some nasty things about fascist, sex-starved Bush.
 Shirley, as far as I know, our politics are identical.

Bush is a horrid madman and a savage killer.
He's a stupid criminal and a greedy, blood-loving bastard.

 Plus, leave an e-mail address and I'll make you a BartCop Member - for free!

 Call the Bart-Phone at 918-493-1500
 That would be really cool,
 and I'll catch you at the Vegas Hard Rock on your next American tour.  and BartCop are trademarks of quality humor.
 Same for "ditto-monkey," "scum-sucking Republican bastards" and Gov Bush (R-Racist monkey)

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