Politics - Stocks -
Entertainment - Chinaco Anejo - Humor
There is new content in the members section.
J M Marshall
Please visit our sponsors
"The most important job is not to be governor,
or first lady in my case."
- some call him 'president' Concord, N.H., Jan 29, 2000
Smirky, you couldn't run the 'freedom fry'
station at McDonalds
Saw it on bushisanidiot.20m.com
The Pentagon today said it would abandon plans to create a futures trading market to help predict
terrorist attacks and assassinations in the Middle East, after fierce criticism by
The initiative, called the Policy Analysis
Market (PAM), was to allow traders to place money on
an online market to back their hunches on, for example, a coup in Jordan or a biological attack on Israel.
After details of the plan were disclosed
yesterday, Tom Daschle condemned the scheme as
"an incentive actually to commit acts of terrorism".
So, the BFEE wanted to bet they knew when the next terrorist attack
That's soooo like them.
First they steal the election,
then they suspend the Bill of Rights,
then they rape the Treasury,
and now they want to make a profit on when their partner Osama will strike next?
...and what do you know - Dachle finally got one right.
"Welcome to the Academy Awards, or as it's
known at my house, Passover."
-- Bob Hope, pretend complaining about never having won an Oscar.
America has 150,000 troops bogged down in Iraq as proconsul Paul Bremer is demanding
thousands more to put down a guerrilla revolt that has broken out against our occupation.
Each day brings reports of new American
dead and wounded. Our enemies are said to be terrorists,
Saddam’s Fedayeen, the remnants of the Ba’ath Party. But Saddam had hundreds of thousands of
men in his army, Republican Guard, and Special Republican Guard. We did not kill a tenth of these soldiers.
Where are they now?
George W. Bush is in more trouble than he
Bush is in trouble?
He's not getting shot at.
He's stealing a million barrels of oil each day.
He's got a we'll-die-for-him press that's covering for him.
He's got opponents who are afraid to speak out against him.
He's personally gone from super-rich to incredibly-super-rich.
He's going to be re-elected because the Democrats, like Tiger Woods, can't find their balls.
Bush is doing just fine.
It's the men dying in the sand for no goddamn reason who are in trouble.
I miss my daily dose of GYWO.
He hasn't updated in about seven weeks.
I guess now that he's in Rolling Stone,
he's not doing the page anymore?
Subject: a question...
Could you asnswer me a question ?
Why are they demolishing the building where
udai and qusai were 'dismissed' ?
I don't recall hearing of other buildings that have been bombed being demolished.
Kathy, it's just a guess, but they probably don't want any evidence
plus they don't want Iraqis turning that building into The Ootie & Cootie shrine.
They would never do this in America, but the foreign press would
be honest enough
to run pictures of Iraqis holding pictures of Ootie & Cootie while wailing and crying.
...had the courage to put money up when nobody else would
Please visit our sponsors
"If I had my life to live over, I wouldn't
-- Bob Hope on his 95th birthday
Obsessed with capturing Saddam, American soldiers turned a botched raid on a house in Baghdad yesterday
into a bloodbath, opening fire on scores of Iraqi civilians in a crowded street and killing up to 11, including two
children, their mother and crippled father. At least one civilian car caught fire, cremating its occupants.
The killings were scarcely 40 metres from
the houses in which 16 civilians died when the Americans tried to
kill Saddam towards the end of the war in April - whatever political advantages were gained by the killing of
Saddam's sons have been squandered. A doctor at the Yarmouk hospital, which received four of the dead,
turned on me angrily last night, shouting: "If an American came to my emergency room, maybe I would kill him."
I think we have to go all the way back to Vietnam to find a bigger
mess than this.
Like Vietnam, we're "winning" the battles, but are we making any progress?
We're on this apparently never-ending cycle where we lose 7 troops
a week while killing and maiming
the people we came here to "save."
The GOP and Bush's good puppy media told us a thousand times that there's
for the president to be the smartest man in the room. All we needed in a president is an "aw-shucks" Texan
who promised he'd never have sex - and now we're in this giant shithole called Iraq.
How can this end?
Does anyone think Iraq will "knock it off?"
Does anyone think these Muslims will accept America's domination and occupation?
Since Bush has the talent to make a horrible situation even worse,
I'll tell you the next step:
Suicide bombers will start blowing up in Sak's and Macy's and Rockefeller Center in New York.
Bush the Idiot will tell people to "keep shopping" and hundreds more will die from flying nails.
Bush will raise his lil' Terror Alert to red-fucking hot, and the stock market will nosedive to 3,500.
Bush will be forced to withdraw from Iraq like Reagan did Lebanon and Saddam will return and slaughter millions.
...and America's reign as the world's only superpower will come
to an end,
all because we wanted the anti-Clinton to lie to us about something besides sex.
Please visit our sponsors
by Richard Fricker
I have this vision of Condi Rice handing out knees pads and lip gloss to White House staffers
and well wishers while singing “Walk this way.” Maybe there’s even a chorus with Bill O’Reilly,
Clarence Thomas and Rush wearing thongs and singing harmony as George places his hands on
the back of each head thus presented. And, being Bush, he won’t have that press corps/blue
dress problem. It’s only a vision, but from the sounds of FOXNazi not far from truth.
"When I talk, E.F. Hutton listens..."
-- Bob Hope,talking about his wealth
Who needs Republicans when you got this
asshole in your party?
I haven't been able to stomach this man for years...for personal reasons as well as
his political beliefs (he refused to help our family get my grandparents over here from
Russia back in 1993, where Chris Dodd did all he could).
I still believe without him Gore would've
won, Florida or not. Now he's got the balls to criticize...
'Just war' my ass...Those primaries won't come soon enough, so he can pipe down and go back to kissing Bush's ass!
Lieberman Criticizes Fellow Democrats on Iraq
"Some in my party threaten to send a message that they don't know a just war when they see it,
and, more broadly, are not prepared to use our military strength to protect our security and the cause of freedom."
Seeking to emerge from the pack of nine
Democratic contenders, the asshole said he felt he represented his
party's "mainstream position," saying "being strong on defense is part of what it means to be a Democrat."
"Nothing we have learned since the end of the
conflict should make us doubt that we were right to liberate
the Iraqi people from Saddam and protect America and the rest of the world from his aggression," he said.
Hey Joe, what aggression?
Name an aggressive move Saddam has taken since your good friend Whistle Dick Cheney did business with him.
C'mon Joe, let's hear about all these "acts of aggression" Saddam had taken in the last few years.
And if "freeing people from dictators," is the goal, why did our
fighting men sail right past Cuba
to go an extra 10,000 miles to free some people enslaved by an evil dictator?
Joe, you're Bush Light - get out of this race and resign your
There's gotta be a real Democrat in Connecticut who could take your place in the denate.
Then you can manage the Bush Lie-berry.
Allen Michaan is the owner of the Grand Lake Theater in Oakland!
Shot of Chinaco Anejo to Allen
"Imagine, after all these years, winning
an Oscar. It's the first time
I've ever left a party with a man and was happy about it."
-- Bob Hope, after receiving his honorary Oscar in 1953
I know you read my site, but how about some
attribution for the "Ootie and Cootie" labels?
Of course, you're always free to lift stuff from At Wit's End. No kidding. I'm honored.
And you know just how much I've loved Bartcop since it was a newsletter.
And when are we going to do another Bartfest
in Vegas..or when are you and
the Missus going to be there so we can meet up?
The "Ootie and Cootie" labels are examples of great comedy.
All good writers should be recognized and credited.
bartcop.com regrets the error
Vegas is in my future - we will share some fine tequilas,Dude.
Kneel's wife wonders whether he was unfaithful to her throughout their marriage as he has admitted he was
at the end. She wonders whether Neil is the father of the baby born to Maria Andrews, the 40-year-old
Houston woman he is dating. Sharon wonders why he used e-mail to tell her he was leaving and why he
told her by phone months later, "You better move on with your life or you'll find yourself in a back alley."
He's not kidding.
If you can make trouble for the B.F.E.E., they say, "Fuck 'em, we're taking him (or her) out."
They are stealing billions of dollars and they won't let anything get in their way.
The stupidest one in the gang has the legal power to murder anyone he wants.
The stupidest one in the gang has the legal power to murder anyone he wants.
"Mr. President, we've learned that Sharon Bush met Mohammed Atta in Hamburg in 2000."
Poof, she's dead, and it's treason if you want to see the evidence.
Bush thinks he's a religion
US leaders now see themselves as priests of a divine mission to rid the world of its demons
"The death of Uday and Qusay," the commander of the ground forces in Iraq told reporters,
"is definitely going to be a turning point for the resistance." Well, it was a turning point, but
unfortunately not of the kind he envisaged. On the day he made his announcement, Iraqi
insurgents killed one US soldier and wounded six others. On the following day, they killed
another three; over the weekend they assassinated five and injured seven. Yesterday they
slaughtered one more and wounded three. This has been the worst week for US soldiers in
Iraq since George Bush declared that the war there was over.
"That oil belongs to me and my family!
God told me and he's never wrong!!!
If it costs a few lives, ...well, those
boys volunteeered and a deal's a deal!
Subject: Good to have visited your site again
Just thought I'd drop you a line as a fairly
hard-core Bush fan that I appreciate your material
and the reminder it gives me not to take politics (or you, for that matter--"political humor", right?) THAT seriously.
Keep up the loyal opposition!
Your (open-minded) evil Republican right-wing
Rush-fan wacko ditto-monkey friend
who STILL thinks Bush is a great President,
P.S. When I run for office, I'm gonna have one left-wing advisor in my cabinet and you're it.
"Poor Dan Quayle - he thinks Roe vs Wade are
two ways to cross the Potomac."
It's been suggested that if Bart were smart... (Should I
even finish that sentence...?)
we would give half-price student discounts to those with an .edu closing their e-mail address.
Would that be you?
You'd have to subscribe thru PayPal or send a check by snail mail, but half price is cool.
e-mail us at firstname.lastname@example.org in you're into that
Plus, BartCop Radio is about to get a lot better really quick.
Disinfotainment Today by Michael Dare
Beverages in Monrovia
Will Arnold run?
CNBC says Maria Bartiromo complied with their disclosure policy
RIAA wanted (& got) a republican's republican
The North American Nude Bikers
And, tight neckties linked to glaucoma
"The stealth bomber, that's a big deal. Flies
in undetected, bombs, and flies away.
Hell, I've been doing that all my life."
Sam Dent has agreed to help wrangle subscribers who haven't gotten passwords.
If you are a subscriber who can't get in, or you have sent a snail
mail donation in the past,
write to Sam and tell her if you subscribed by 2Checkout, PayPal or snail mail.
She has my phone number - she can call and get you a login and password right away.
Sam is a great lady and has been very helpful for a long time.
Click to visit fauxnewschannel.com
Have a question or a comment?
Email Bart email@example.com
i've been down since last monday after knee
surgery... torn meniscus and
displaced knee cap. the orthopedic doc thinks i did it at party poker.
remember walter brennan's gait? that's
what i look like now that i can walk again.
the best part of initial recovery was layin in bed on vicadin watching Queer Eye
one right after the other. i didn't even care that it hurt when i laughed because the
quantity of laughter was more than anybody could hope for in one half hour period.
I agree - it'll make you laugh until you hurt.
They pre-empt it in Tulsa (the NBC version) because these Okies can't handle
the idea of funny, friendly gays seeming like normal, decent Americans.
i haven't listened to any of 9 show yet..... I need a fix.
All of Show 9 has been posted.
I figure it's the last of the lame-o shows.
"Help is on the way" will be here in three days.
speaking of Hope, a shot of chinaco tonite to the late, great.
Lynn, I agree.
A shot of Chinaco Anejo for Bob Hope, for entertaining our troops for 45 years.
Petaluma, I miss you
You are a Supernova in the dark sky of media
Mike, thanks for that.
That sounds so good, I might put that on my business cards :)
"You call what I do work? No way.
Mowing the lawn is work.
Telling a joke and getting paid for it is stealing."
Subject: the difference between Vietnam and Iraq
In Vietnam the VC and the NVA Army controlled
We controlled the day.
In Iraq the resisters control the day
... and at night we hide in a camp somewhere.
Mickelson and Garcia, both winless this year in tournaments that count, stole the spotlight
from the world's best two players Monday night by beating Tiger "Mr Perfect" Woods and
Ernie Els, 3 and 1, in some doesn't-count golf game to perk up ABC's non-ratings.
wrong with Tiger Woods?" is on everybody's lips these days.
Mrs. Bart wanted to watch "The Love of Money" last night, so I didn't get to watch a lot
of Mr perfect, but I got to scream "Hex on thee," as he was trying to make a ten foot put.
He had a 10-foot birdie putt on the 12th
to square the match, but missed.
He missed from 12 feet on the 13th, pulled an 18-foot eagle putt on the 14th,
and tugged at his cap when his 25-foot birdie on the 15th stopped on the edge of the cup.
"Bob Hope would do well in politics. He's entertained
over 10 million troops,
and he's been seen by over 100 million people on television. If you throw in
the 27 people who've seen his movies, you have a sizable constituency."
-- Ronald Reagan at Hope's Dean Martin Roast in 1975
Has the Corrupt Commander-in-Thief given our boys orders to murder Saddam, too?
What would be the harm in capturing him and letting him speak?
What secrets must die with Saddam so the B.F.E.E. can continue
to steal billions?
Complete Tour de Lance coverage!
There's also tons of baseball.
Check out BartCopSports!
Click to Enter
Bravo Channel presents Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
This is the funniest show on TV - trust me.
(Its OK to watch, it won't turn you gay - probably...)
Watch tonight because the five gay guys makeover a cowboy!
Now that the war is "over," right-wing NBC is bringing back West Wing.
...nevermind that my good friends Martin Sheen and Bradley Whitford were right.
"It's not hard to find Gerald Ford on a golf
You just follow the wounded."
Subject: Bill Clinton
and Jessica Lynch
A couple of comments on two stories on your site today.
I can't quite figure that Clinton remark
out. My tentative NSHO: he's being too sympathetic
to a fellow president who's in a jam. Clinton's one major fault, in my eyes, was that he always
gave his opponents the benefit of the doubt, even when they clearly didn't deserve it.
On the other hand, the Republicans were
falling all over themselves today trying to take shelter
under Clinton's wings; this, after trying to blame him for 9/11 and everything else under the sun.
Bush must be seething at being in the humiliating position of actually having now to run to Bill Clinton
to help restore some of his damaged credibility. Revenge really is a dish best served cold.
On Jessica Lynch: I think she's a real hero.
Not because she was captured; not because she may or may
not have been beaten up - there seems to be a difference of opinion on whether her injuries were caused
by the accident or by rifle butts; and not because she was rescued (or maybe not); but because:
1) When she was in Walter Reed, after weeks of
silence, the Army said she was suffering from "amnesia."
Her father, in a subsequent interview, denied that was the case. Reading between the lines, it seems obvious
that her "amnesia" stemmed from her refusal to go along with the bullshit story of her rescue the administration
was trying to promote. Think of it: a 19-year-old kid, hospitalized and in pain, showing that kind of moral
courage, a courage that has nothing to do with guns and killing. This is heroism in the best and truest sense of the word.
2) At her homecoming, she thanked her family and
her friends. She thanked the governor of West Virginia
and Senator Rockefeller, both Democrats. She thanked the staff of Walter Reed. She thanked the Iraqis
who helped her. She spoke fondly of Lori Piestawa and the others who lost their lives in the ambush that
resulted in her capture. One person not mentioned in her speech?
President Junior, our very own Commander-in-Thief.
3) Notice also that Junior, who usually can't
wait to bask in the glow of such celebrities, has not come within
a country mile of Private Lynch. Her medals, a Bronze Star, POW medal, and Purple Heart, were awarded
to her at her homecoming, not at the White House, as one might expect. For such a national hero, wouldn't
you expect at least a bedside visit while she was at Walter Reed from Smirky?
But noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, not a sign, not even so much as a phone call.
To me, that tends to confirm that my Reason No. 1 (see above), may be accurate.
I say Jessica deserves a shot of Chinaco. How about it, Bart?
Ann from Philly
Ann, I agree.
A shot of Chinaco Anejo for Jessica Lynch, for dissing the greedy, blood-thirsty monkey.
Sign up for 33 days of
for eleven dollars.
Snail mail $11 to
PO Box 54466
Tulsa, OK 74155
A month in the members section makes a great gift!
They can't stop us if we're subscriber-supported.
Help build into a powerhouse.
Click Here to subscribe.
American soldier body count in Iraq
It now stands at
Note: Believe this figure.
It's from http://lunaville.org/warcasualties/Summary.aspx
1 US SOLDIER KILLED, 3 WOUNDED, IN BAGHDAD - IMPROVISED EXPLOSIVE DEVICE
1 US SOLDIER KILLED, 1 INJURED, IN VEHICLE ACCIDENT NORTH OF AN NASIRIYAH
ONE US SOLDIER KILLED, 1 WOUNDED, IN RPG ATTACK NEAR AL HASWAH ON 27TH
3 US SOLDIERS KILLED, 4 WOUNDED, IN GRENADE ATTACK IN BAQUBAH
ONE US SOLDIER KILLED, 2 WOUNDED, IN ATTACK IN BAGHDAD
Will we have 500 dead by Thanksgiving? ...by Christmas?
Meanwhile, the never-elected Smirky McWarhardon is working hard...
...on his putting...
You have two minutes to rant away.
Have a good time today - that's an order.
Use this portal and they'll throw bartcop.com four cents.
Click to Order
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
© 2003, bartcop.com
Shirley - call The
BartPhone, just to say "Hi!"
Maybe leave a two-minute message...
I'll play it for your fans at bartcop.com
Maybe say some nasty things about fascist monkey called Bush.
Shirley, as far as I know, our politics are identical.
a horrid madman and a savage killer.
He's a stupid criminal and a greedy, blood-loving bastard.
Plus, leave an e-mail address and I'll make you a BartCop Member - for free!
Call the Bart-Phone at 918-493-1500
That would be really cool, and we'll catch you at the Vegas Hard Rock on your next American tour.
bartcop.com and BartCop are trademarks of quality
Same for "ditto-monkey," "scum-sucking Republican bastards" and Gov Bush (R-Racist monkey)