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Volume 1138 - Clown car loses wheel 

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 Monday   Aug 18, 2003 


"This is the most radical, reactionary administration we've ever had in Washington.
  President Bush may not be on our list of America's best presidents,
  but he should be on anyone's list of America's best magicians.
  The budget surplus - then you saw it, now you won't.
  Good jobs - then we had them, now we don't...
  George Bush's disappearing act is getting a little old to me."
      --Hillary Clinton,  talking like she's running for office   Attribution

 Study: Another 9-11-Style Attack Likely

  Click  Here

 The study ranked Colombia, Israel, Pakistan, the United States and the Philippines, in descending
 order, as the five countries most likely to be targeted in a terrorist attack in the next 12 months.

 Another Sept. 11-style terrorist attack in the United States is highly likely," the report states.
"Networks of militant Islamist groups are less extensive in the U.S. than they are in Western Europe,
 but U.S. military action in Afghanistan and Iraq has exacerbated anti-U.S. sentiment."

"We will kill all the darkies. ...God told me to."


“We’ll have time to look at it and determine whether or not our grid needs
  to be modernized.  I happen to think it does, and have said so all along.”
     -- Too stupid to be president, and he's a liar, too    8/14/03

 Hey Dumbass, if you've said so all along - why do you have to look at it to make a determination?

 Saboteurs Blow Up Major Iraqi Pipeline 

   Click  Here

 Saboteurs blew up a giant oil pipeline in northern Iraq, halting oil exports to war-ally Turkey
 only days after they resumed and cutting off vital income for an economy in shambles. The new
 Iraqi police commander vowed on Saturday to pursue the "conspirators" behind the attack.

 How could our intelligence have been this bad?  Pre-invasion, didn't anybody think to ask,
"How much post-war resistence will we run into after we murder, occupy and steal the oil?"

"With God's help, we will arrest those people and bring them to justice," Ibrahim said.
"The damage inflicted on the pipeline is damage done to all Iraqi people."

 No, the damage was inflicted on the money-stealing power of the B.F.E.E., and with this gang of lawless thugs,
 that's generally a fatal mistake. Bush doesn't mind losing a few hundred soldiers but dammit, that pipeline is HIS!
 Heads will roll, literally, when they think they might've found a whiff of a possible suspect.

"Please let Bart's computer be returned soon.
We need our BartCop radio."


"America is nearly two years into invasions in which we have killed more civilians in Iraq and
  Afghanistan than the number who died in the United States on 9/11. Yet we have no Osama,
  no Saddam, no WMD, no nuclear weapons plants, no peace...  Bush's friends are getting rich
  off Iraq a lot faster than Iraqis themselves. Two weeks ago, fair and balanced Halliburton
  announced a profit of $26 million in the second quarter of this year. In 2002 the company
  lost $498 million ..."Iraq was a very nice boost," one analyst told The Whore Street Journal.
  Cheney's friends get a boost. Civilians get brutality."
       --Derrick Z. Jackson,   Attribution

 Think you had a tough weekend?
 This guy knows what a bad weekend is like...

"Hi, I'm Hambali,
 ...and I had a bad weekend."

 Meet Hambali, a senior al-Qaida operative in Southeast Asia.
"Authorities" captured him the day the lights went out in New York.
 He's probably the highest-ranking member of Al Qaeda taken so far.

 He is religiously insane.
 He is a crazy bastard who murders innocent people on orders from an Invisible Cloud Being.
 You see the Cloud Being wrote a book, and Hambali follows that book to the letter.

 Right now, he's probably in Cuba, where no power on Earth can help him.
 Right now, he's probably strapped to a gurney ...and we won't go any farther than that.
 He's an unlucky bastard, unlucky enough to be at the mercy of this man, George W Bush, senior puppet of the B.F.E.E. in North America.

 He is religiously insane.
 He is a crazy bastard who murders innocent people on orders from an Invisible Cloud Being.
 He can't read, so his Invisible Cloud Being talks to him, audibly and directly.
 He follows His verbal instructions, spoken by the Invisible Cloud Being, to the letter.

 Right now, he's in Crawford, sipping lemonade, where no justice on Earth can reach him.
 Right now, he's probably asleep, playing with Barney or talking to a fucking cow.
 He's a bastard, lucky enough to be appointed ruler of Earth by his dad's powerful friends.

 Two religiously insane, murdering bastards - one lucky, one not.

 Meanwhile, the science and logic crowd wonders when mankind will grow up and reject
 the superstitions of the past and stop the senseless murders of millions everywhere, every year.

  More on the unlucky bastard

 Military sources say Hambali was handed over to U.S. investigators and flown out of
 the country on Wednesday. They would not comment on Hambali's whereabouts.

 I'll tell you where he is - he's in a world of never-ending agony until Smirk has him whacked.

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"There are so many polls about the California governor's race, you can't trust any of them."
   -- Tony Snow (R-Whore) spinning the report that Bustamante is now beating Musclehead

 More stickers have arrived

 Get yours, then send in a picture of where you put it.
 (Please don't vandalize anything with these stickers)

 To get your stickers, send a self-addressed envelope to:
 PO Box 54466
 Tulsa, OK 74155

 OR, you could PayPal a small donation and get your stickers within 48 hours.

 The stickers are free, but donations are accepted.

 We'll give away a prize each month for Best Sticker Placement.
 Maybe a Brooke Burke calendar or a copy of Joe Conason's new book.


 Send in your sticker pics - win big prizes.

 What do you think the chances are that the tax cut will boost economic growth?

 Good or Very good         17%   (Hard core FOX watchers)
 50-50                               10%
 Not very good or Poor    79%


 Judas Maximus used 15-20 minutes of This Whore to interview his old boss, Dick Gepheart.
  (I thought that was an abuse of power, unless he's going to do a different candidate each week.)

 Gepheart said on September 12th, 2001, the day after September 11th (Gee, Dick, I already guessed that's
 where you were going...) that he went to see the Illegal Thug who stole the White House and said,
"Mr President, this is life and death, and we're going to have to trust you and you'll have to trust us."
 I imagine Bush laughed in his naive face, but Dick didn't mention Bush's reaction.

 OK, so Gepheart trusted Bush - and what did it get us?
 Bush used the 9-11 attack to solidify the B.F.E.E.'s grip on the planet.

 You can not trust evil men to do the right thing when there are trillions to be stolen.

 Subject: Pigboy on the 'war'

 I should be yelling this at Rush, but would he listen? No.
 So we're 'not doing social work' but fighting a war?
 What, then, is this war over?

 According to George Bush, we went to war either to destroy Saddam's WMD's or to depose Mr. Hussein.

 Well, the WMD's, if they existed, are not a threat now (Iraq has no army ) and Saddam has been deposed,
 his sons have been executed and their heads put on spikes in the public square.

 Mission, as somebody said, accomplished.
 Let's go home.

 What? The Iraqi's have no power, no water, no police force?  We've got to restore them?

 Aah, that's 'social work.' Let the whiners pull themselves up by their bootstraps.
 We'd just create a culture of dependency, you know.

 You can't have it both ways--although you've made a career of doing just that.

 You either have to admit that your beloved action-figure president has gotten us
 into the biggest social work project since the Great Society--

 --or cop to the fact that we're really still there to grab their oil and create an American
 colony in the Middle East, complete with an imperial army of occupation--

 --or you should start campaigning to bring the troops home now.

 Let those miserable "the world-owes-me-a-living" welfare queen Iraqis start applying
 that good old fashioned work ethic to fend for themselves.

 Peter G

 Pete, that's why their's only one mic at the EIB studio - to shut out the voice of reason.

  Sent in by Rude Rich - "You and Shirley"

 Twisted fan-tasies
  30% of us let celeb mania rule our lives

  Click  Here

 One in three people is so wrapped up in the trials and triumphs of their idols
 that it threatens to take over their life, a recent study found.
 It's practically a disease.

 If I met Shirley, (and was able to speak), I would tell her how impressed I am with her work.
 I would also compliment her on her bravery for using her music to beat up her demons, but mostly
 I am impressed that her music can elevate me and my mood like no one else ever has/could.
 I'm puzzled that more people don't feel the same way.  I think that's the kind of message
 she'd enjoy hearing from a fan.  Nothing twisted about that.

 An expert speaks on planes and cell phones
 This might even close the discussion, but I doubt it

 Click  Here

 For now, on my laptop, I have no sound, so we can't do radio until I get it back.

 Subscriber help

 Can't get in?   Click  Here  to reach Sam

 If you should be in the members section, but aren't, write to Sam and tell her if you subscribed by
 2Checkout,  PayPal  or  snail mail.  She'll fix you up.

 Students, teachers, military

 Reminder: will pay for three more .mils to be members for 90 days

 If your e-mail address ends with .edu  you can get members priviliges for just $5 a month.
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 Is membership  worth $5 a month when you're on a tight budget?


"Wesley Clark was a Rhodes scholar. He's a Democrat. He would repeal the Bush tax cut for the rich.
  He's actually quite good on all the issues -- and he's a general. I would just love to see the debate
  between the general and the deserter. So if the Democrats really wanted to win, they should run
  somebody who could win -- and that would be an interesting race."
    --Michael Moore, "Clark 'Quite Good on All the Issues'",


 Portland, Aug 21st

 Bellevue, Aug 22nd

 Tacoma, Aug 22

 Seattle, Aug 23rd

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"No. 1, what was discussed at the May 11, 2001, meeting with Ken Lay? And why did
  Schwarzenegger attend such a meeting since at the moment California was enduring a
  third round of unnecessary rolling blackouts? No. 2., why, if he wants to be the people's
  governor, has he appointed Pete Wilson, the grand old man of deregulation, directly linked
  to the current budget crisis, to chair his committee? Three, why did he pick, as a senior
  adviser, Marty Wilson who during the energy crisis was a spokesman and P.R. consultant
  for Reliant Energy, one of the companies federal regulators found had manipulated the
  California energy market. If you want to clean house in Sacramento, do you put Martin
  Wilson, a Reliant spokesman, on your team? Incidentally, Reliant was a major contributor
  to the Bush election process, and even offered private jets to fly the Bush team to Florida
  when they were busy stealing the election."
    --Arianna Huffington Attribution

 In Search of WM(S)D
 Are Bush’s Weapons of Mass Self-Destruction plutonium-grade?
 Will they turn up in Condi Rice’s office? And will they detonate by next November?

  Click  Here

 Blame is on the CIA now. It’s hovering near Condi Rice (who hovered near the president during his press conference).
 It keeps moving and spreading. The inevitable effect of reassigning the blame is that you start to really piss people off.
 Indeed, you piss off vast and powerful parts of the bureaucracy itself. And the bureaucracy, loyal only to itself, inevitably turns on you.

 This is when, at the end of the second act, the other shoe drops—and it’s often a rebelling (read: leaking) bureaucracy that drops it.
 This is when we find out it’s not just sixteen words or a dodgy dossier but a big plan, a concerted effort—as that little box of italicized
 names in the New York Times of the latest American war dead grows.

 And then the Blair government falls—which really gives the story a powerful kick.


"Arnold Schwarzenegger running for Govenor of California?!?!? Are you kidding me?
 I think I might bloody well stand for election. Why the hell not?
 In this current climate I might even get elected!! Ha ha ha haaa....that would be fantastic.
 For one ....I'd make it illegal for any man, woman or child to sport a mullet, use the word
"panties" or eat a sandwich more then four fingers high.The gross ingestion of beef jerky
 would be outlawed entirely and grass not guns would be sold at your local supermarket."
     -- Shirley

 Court casts doubt on Oct. 7 Cal. election

  Click  Here

 In action that could delay the Oct. 7 recall election, a federal judge Friday barred Monterey County
 from sending absentee ballots to overseas voters until changes in the county's voting procedures are
 approved by the U.S. government.    The temporary restraining orders directly affect only Monterey
 County, which along with Kings, Merced and Yuba counties is subject to the 1965 Voting Rights Act
 because of a history of discrimination against minority voters.

 However, the orders potentially could result in a statewide postponement of the Oct. 7 recall election,
 according to the civil rights attorneys who filed suits arguing that voting changes planned by Monterey
 County must first be approved by the U.S. Department of Justice.

 This always happens. Every circus is the same.
 OJ, JonBenet, impeachment, Florida 2000, Kobe Bryant, Scott Peterson and this messy "election."

 No matter what the reasons or what the story, they always find a way to drag out their nutty circus,
 month after month, year after year. We live in a world where information flashes around the globe
 at the speed of light, yet every media handjob has to be delayed and extended and drawn out so
 all the cable channels have a chance to rehash every unimportant, non-event to the nth degree.

 This is why some people don't own a TV.


"Our soldiers are not doing 'social work' in Iraq. They are still in a war zone.
  This is not the Clinton military. They have not been assigned social work.
  They may have been assigned police work. I do know there are a lot of MPs over there."
    --Rush, the vulgar Pigboy

 Rush is right.
 This is NOT the Clinton military.
 You can tell Clinton's not in charge because hundreds of brave men have died.

 Subject: My tax cut

 I'm getting an extra $4.27 a week because of the Bush tax cut.
 I'm already a subscriber, but maybe I'll start forwarding my tax cut to you.

 Actually, that's a good idea: see if you can get your readers to send their Bush tax cut to you!


 But Brett, if people sent in their massive tax cut, they couldn't buy a steel mill
 and hire a bunch of people like President Notsosmart wants.


Can't go wrong with a site like that...


 Larry King: Are you gay?

 Ryan Seacrest: ...but Larry - what does a question like that really mean?

 I know what American Idol is, but I've never seen more than a minute of it at a time.
 But I've heard that evil Simon insults him with sexual darts, and his sexuality is his business.

 But, if the question was off-limits, (or unexpected - I don't know) he should have a better answer.
 I'm always perplexed at the thought that a major, big-time TV personality would try to hide that which
 will be on Monday's National Enquirer anyway, so why not handle it up front?

 Ricky Martin did the same thing, remember?
 When asked he said "I'm not going to confirm or deny anything..." which is ineffective, at best.'s advice to the Democrats

 sep page?

 The incumbent is a never-elected idiot, an oil whore, bogged down in an ever-worsening war,
 with an economy that's the worst we've seen right after we had the best economy ever.

 He's a homophobic, black-hating, power-hungry tool of the super-wealthy, who gave away the
 Social Security surplus to Enron, Worldcom and Exxon, a wartime deserter who couldn't spell
 "war" if you spotted him the "w' and the "a,"   ...and you're currently running behind?

 What the "F" is wrong with the democrats?
 Did each and every one of us get caught in bed with a nine-year old boy?

 Gore lost to the stupidest man in political history.
 The same moron is running on a bad economy and a failed, unnecessary war,
 and his approval is in the high fifties because voters have nobody but Bush to chose from.

 Why does our side refuse to fight?
 Why does our side not want to win?

 The Democrats have no testosterone.
 Bush will win a second term and appoint pro-life, Nazi judges for life.

 Subject: B.F.E.E.

 I have been reading your page for weeks but have not seen this defined.


 Dar, it stands for  Bush Family Evil Empire

 That includes all the super-rich people and mega-billion dollar corporations
 that are getting even super-richer on Bush's unnecessary war that's killed 248 - so far.
 It includes any company getting no-bid contracts for this immorla, bloody war.

 I figure Poppy's the boss, he's still running the CIA and his pet chimp is president.
 Rummy, Cheney, Schultz, Wolfie, Baker, Olson - they're the capos.
 Jeb and Neil serve drinks at the meetings. After the capos, you have the weapons
 and defense manufacturers, the banks and the insurance companies.

 Then you have the networks.

 That's not a coincidence!

 Bush borrowed money to bribe GE,
 but GE hasn't hired anybody.

 Then you have the communications giants.

 That's not a coincidence!

 Bush borrowed money to bribe WOLRDCOM,
 but WOLRDCOM took that and stole billions more.

 Then you have the crooked energy partners.

 That's not a coincidence!

 Bush borrowed money to bribe ENRON,
 but Enron took that money and stole billions more.

"...but I don't even know anybody named Kennyboy..."

Football's around the corner, the pennant races are heating up,
Mr. Perfect tries to fight off the BartCop Hex, and Ted Williams' head
is in a lobster pot.  It's beginning to feel like fall...
Check it out at...

Click to Enter


"Just remember, my friends, Arnold has not said he's going to raise property taxes in California.
  His economic advisor suggested it.
  Advisors suggest a lot of things, and sometimes candidates don't go along with them."
     -- Rush, the vulgar Pigboy

 But Pigboy, when they make the suggestions public, it's called "a trial balloon."
 You knew that, you're just lying to protect a man who's almost as stupid as Bush.

 Report: J.Lo dumps Ben for Karl Rove

  Click  Here

 Jennifer Lopez has been spotted with Karl Rove in recent weeks around Washington’s hot spots,
 and reports indicate that J.Lo is planning to break off her engagement with Ben Affleck.

“I knew he wouldn’t fail if he put his mind to it. If Karl Rove can make Bush president,
 then he can get J.Lo to fall madly in love with him,” said the source..

 GOP Capital Gang on CNN

 The sons of bitches...

 This is mid-August 2003.
 We're losing brave American soldiers in Iraq at a rate higher than two-per-day.

 Two dead soldiers per day...

 So what was CNN's GOP-Capital Gang's flashback Saturday segment?
 GOP-Capital Gang thought last weekend was the perfect time to remind America
 that in the eight years Clinton was in office, eighteen brave military men were lost.

 Unbelievably, they thought Saturday was the perfect time to re-hash Mogadishu.
 I fail to understand why they felt ANOTHER reminder was necessary, because
 the GOP-controlled press and networks can't go 24 hours without reminding people
 of the 18 brave men who died while Clinton was president.


 George Bush loses that many men in a bad week.

 Was math disqualified as a factor when comparing numbers?

 Let's look at the facts:

 Even if you insist that Bush the Smarter's Somalia nation-building, food-service mission
 was somehow not to blame for the men who died carrying out that mission,

 Bush loses more young lives in ten days
 than Clinton lost in ninety six months.

 These are called facts.
 With these, we cannot lose the debate of ideas.

 ...if the Democrats refuse to fight, the other guy will always win.

For a liberal helping of world news and views,
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 Power Outage Traced to Dim Bulb In White House 
   by Greg Palast

  Click  Here

 And that's why, if you're in the Northeast, you're reading this by candlelight tonight. Here's what happened.
 After LILCO was hammered by the law, after government regulators slammed Niagara Mohawk and dozens
 of other book-cooking, document-doctoring utility companies all over America with fines and penalties totaling
 in the tens of billions of dollars, the industry leaders got together to swear never to break the regulations again.
 Their plan was not to follow the rules, but to ELIMINATE the rules. They called it "deregulation."

 It was like a committee of bank robbers figuring out how to make safecracking legal.

 ...and he's doing it in the light of day!

 They know the Democrats are too scared to stop them, so they don't even try to hide it, anymore.
 It's like they're screwing the Mayor's wife, and the scumbags are parking right out in front!

 Damn, my pink-tutu Senate Democrat graphics are on the computer that's in the shop!

 Bush's American soldier body count in Iraq
 It now stands at  267 284
 Total deaths since the Bloodthirsty Bully said, "Bring 'em On":  63+

  Perhaps 1,100 wounded.
 How much more are we willing to tolerate?

 The Pentagon released new figures, reflecting the wounded who have since died.

 Note: Our friends at Lunaville have yet to update their records.
 It's from

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 Read the  Previous Issue

 It had  everything.

 Copyright © 2003,

 Surgery on Shirley's throat?

 On my favorite vocal cords?
(The story says "chords," but that's a mistake, right?)

 No wonder Shirley hasn't called yet.
 She was waiting until her voice was perfect to call.

 Shrl - call The BartPhone,  just to say "Hi!"
 Plus, leave an e-mail address and I'll make you a BartCop Member - for free!

 Call the Bart-Phone at 918-493-1500
 That would be really cool, and we'll catch you at the Vegas Hard Rock on your next American tour.  and BartCop are trademarks of painfully unfunny "humor."

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