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Volume 1144 - Come die with us

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 Monday   Aug 25, 2003 


"One of the most troubling developments in the United States today is that its media model  — once the
  beacon of the world — is essentially broken. The relationship between the rulers and reporters has become
  all too cozy. In addition, many reporters, especially in Washington, D.C., are too focused on  reporting
  “just the facts” — as they are presented by the government...
       --Stephan Richter,   Attribution

 Experts Doubt U.S. Claim on Iraqi Drones 
  BFEE caught lying yet again, gets yet another pass

  Click  Here

 Huddled over a fleet of abandoned Iraqi drones, U.S. weapons experts in Baghdad came to one conclusion:
 Despite Bush's public assertions, these unmanned drones weren't designed to dispense biological or chemical weapons.

 The evidence gathered this summer matched the dissenting views of Air Force intelligence analysts who argued
 in their assessment of Iraq before the war that the remotely piloted planes were unarmed reconnaissance drones.

 In building its case for war, senior Bush administration officials had said Iraq's drones were intended
 to deliver unconventional weapons.

 The unproven U.S. assertion regarding Iraq's UAV programs is one among many.  American weapons hunters,
 like their U.N. counterparts, haven't reported finding any chemical, biological weapons or nuclear weapons in Iraq so far.

 The lack of success in uncovering unconventional weapons, after warnings that Iraq posed an immediate danger,
 has led critics and some former government analysts to suggest the administration exaggerated the threat posed by Saddam.

 ...thereby intentionally dragging America into an unnecessary war that's become very bloody for us.


"Gore and Davis and bland and blander. Both were veterans of Vietnam, which would make
  a Gore-Davis presidential ticket the only compelling argument yet in favor of friendly fire."
      --Ann Coulter, who finds "friendly fire" jokes funny these days?    Attribution

 Inmate Kills Pedophile Priest in Prison

  Click  Here

 This is bad news for every pedophile priest and each of his victims.
 The Church will be more hesitant to "finger" these priests now,
 because exposing them will be seen as the same as killing them.

 They say there's a hierarchy in prison, and child rapists are near the bottom.
 Odds are that priest is in a better place now than 48 hours ago.
 (I don't mean that - he's dead. He's not anywhere now.)

 Long Sidebar:
 Also, and this is something I've been meaning to say for years, but I only
 remember it when someone beloved dies, like Bob Hope, and it'd be too tacky.

 The night after Bob Hope died, Larry King had a Hope daughter on, and some
 close friends, and I heard the stupidest question you can ask the bereaved family.

"Now that he's in Heaven, which old friends
  is Bob Hope having the most fun seeing again?"

 Gee, are we all six years old?
 Do we really think there's actually a place called Heaven?

 ha ha

 No wonder those TV preachers make so damn much money.
 Why in the wide, wide world of sports would somebody think there's a Heaven?
 I can see saying that when small children are around, because asking them to face
 the facts of life at a tender age might be too much, but did we all forget to grow up?

 Seems to me, if people really thought there was a God and a Heaven and a Hell,
 they would behave like their parents and grandparents were watching.
 There would be no drugs, no Vegas, no adultery, no alcohol, no tax cheating, etc.
 How often do you meet someone like that?    Once a year?

 You should plan to come to my funeral.
 I've left instructions that no lies be told - none at all.

 Hex on thee!   Hex on thee!   Hex on thee!

 Hey Monkey!
 Let's see how well you do with the BartCop Hex on your lying ass...

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"Rusty Thomas, a minister from Waco, Tex., said. "Those [Alabama] judges betrayed a righteous man.
  They'll pay the price." We all know what happens when a religious nut from Waco threatens you. And in
  Florida, "pro-life" forces prepare to kill again. The judge who sentenced Paul Hill to death in 1994 for the
  murder of an abortion doctor in Pensacola has received a death-threat letter containing a rifle bullet --
  making him the fourth official in Florida to be targeted in a campaign to halt Hill's Sept. 3 execution.
  Where is Johnny Asscrack when all of this is going on?"
      --Roger Ailes, (the one who's not a Nazi)

"Hmmm. looks like Hambali's getting some company..."

 Bustamante Leads Musclehead by 13
  Recall losing steam as wheels begin falling off the clown car

  Click  Here

 In a survey by the LA Times, 35 percent backed Bustamante (D-Experience),
 and 22 percent supported Musclehead, (R-Faded star) a suspected gay porn actor.

 Data also showed 50 percent support the effort to oust Davis and 45 percent oppose it,
 which reversed a former 70/30 trend to recall Gray Davis.
 The new numbers for Bustamante differ from others released lately.

 I wonder if John Zogby (R-For Rent) was involved in the early poll numbers?

"Zogby does good work - we've used him for years...)

 Gray Davis Lacked Legal Ability to Solve Energy Crisis

  Click  Here

 When power shortages began in the summer of 2000 and wholesale power prices tripled, Davis immediately
 accused generators of gouging electricity customers. State regulators cited indications of price manipulation
 and deliberate withholding of power supplies by generators. In response, the governor demanded that FERC
 impose price ceilings on generators' prices.

 His pleas went unanswered for more than a year. A solid majority of Federal Energy Regulatory Commissioners
 were ideologically committed to California's electricity deregulation program, the first in the nation. Imposing price
 controls would brand the California plan a failure.

 This is a two-year old story, but Bush's good puppy press continues to help him bury it.
 When davis asked the White House to call off Kenny Boy, Bush said "market forces"
 were at work and must be allowed to find their level.  But everybody knew Enron
 was creating false invoices for power they allegedly traded in and out of the state.

 As always, with the help of the networks and the print media and talk radio, Bush skates
 away with the money and whoever is left standing there gets top catch the blame.

 Greg Palast can explain it a lot better than I can:

 We are told that there is just not enough electricity and gas. Even the Democrats and the
 New York Times agree that there is an energy crisis in California, which is evidence enough
 to conclude: There is no energy crisis in California.

 Power shortage? Nope. The California power grid operator reported that, just over the
 California border at the 'Henry Hub' gas pipeline switching centre, you could buy plentiful
 gas for $1 (£66p) a therm. A couple of miles down the road in California, the price was $10.
 By golly, it turns out the two power  merchants that controlled the biggest pipe into California
 simply blocked part of the tube. Result: panic, price spikes and black outs.    Attribution

 Cheney (R-Bleeds oil) set up this whole scam to punish CA for voting Democrat in 2000.

 Who's tougher on terror?

  Click  Here

 Conservatives blame 9/11 on Clinton. But it was Bush Republicans who made deals
 with terrorists -- while Clinton's team took concrete steps to protect Americans.

 Part 5 of  Joe Conason's "Big Lies"

 Damn the luck...

 Bill Bennett (R-Whore) was on Tim the Whore's MSGOP show Saturday night.
 He was whining about how unfair it was to kick a good guy when he's down.
 He was whining about how unfair it was to point fingers, since we all slip, sometimes.
 He was whining about how unfair it was to have the media go after you for slipping.

 Swear to Koresh, my eyes were lying to me, because I could not have witnessed this horseshit.

 Here's the deal on Bennett:
 If you have millions, there's nothing wrong with gambling millions, if your family is secure.
 If Bennett wants to gamble big-time slots, this is America, or at least this is Nevada.
 If Michael Jordan wants to bet Charles Barkley $10,000 a hole at golf, who can object?
 If I but AOL at $60, I understand life is a gamble...

 But Bennett ...made his millions ...beating up the seven deadly sins.

He enjoys food and drink too much, he just can't say no.
He apparently is unable to say no to gambling, because getting caught cost him his lil' high horse.
He's addicted to tobacco money, big oil money and NRA money.    He's a whore who can't stop.
He admits he's addicted to drugs ( nicotine) and he's the Morals Czar we should all emulate?

 It looks like "immediate gradification" is Billy's middle name, and he's going to lecture us
 about what an evil, immoral and negative impact Bill Clinton had on this country?

"I'm out of control..."

 Subject: rumor

 There's a rumor that if Bush gets in trouble he'll be subject to chimpeachment.


 More stickers have arrived

 Get yours, then send in a picture of where you put it.
 (Please don't vandalize anything with these stickers)

 To get your stickers, send a self-addressed envelope to:
 PO Box 54466
 Tulsa, OK 74155

 OR, you could PayPal a small donation and get your stickers within 48 hours.

 The stickers are free, but donations are accepted.

 We'll give away a prize each month for Best Sticker Placement.
 Maybe a Brooke Burke calendar or Joe Conason's new book.

......   #4 at

 Send in your sticker pics - win valuable prizes.

 Sidebar:  Joe's book must contain some mighty dynamite.
                 It has certainly scared the pants off the blowtorches that spew on radio and cable TV


“Overturning Saddam is not a central battle in that war against terrorism.
  al-Qaeda is probably finding it more hospitable in Baghdad today than they did before.”
       --Eleanor Clift,    Attribution


 Peter Lee: That Giant Sucking Sound
 Randolf Holhut: The Bush Administration's Shabby Treatment of Our Soldiers
 Chris Floyd: Cheap Thrills: Bush Buys Lies to Push War
 John Pilger: Now, We Are the Iraq Extremists
 Jim Hightower: Living in a Kleptocrat Nation
 Paul Loeb: Lootocracy

 ...those are just some of Friday's reading at the  but it was very nearly too much for me.

 as i scrolled down to each new article, i began to feel isolation, desparation, a pervasive looming sadness
 came over me and before long i was hanging my head in grief and longing.  and i wept.

 this is not america anymore... they've taken our birthright away from us.
 they're trying to kill it.  and they are suceeding.

 i loved my country.  my father taught me to, or rather showed me.
 i knew i was a fortunate son just for being born here rather than anywhere on the entire planet.

 for all its facade and pretensions, i loved being an american.
 this is so very, very sad.


 That's why we have Shirley, Chinaco, fresh Bixby corn, poker, U2, The Sopranos, Brooke Burke etc.
 We're staying in this fight for as long as it takes and we must retain our sanity.
 Those who get in too deep either burn out (too many to mention) or end up dead (Steve Kangas).

 Nothing against smirkingchimp - they have an excellent and informative news site,
 but  is more of a partying treehouse where you might accidentally learn something.

 I agree it's never been this bad, but we can't give up.

 Subject: Operation Bush Unemployment

 I challenge you, the American voters and taxpayers, to send George W. Bush
 a printed out copy of the State of Texas Unemployment Application form on November 4, 2003.

 Grandstanding Judge denies Jesus
  After weeks of saying he wouldn't - anybody hear the cock crow?

  Click  Here

 After defying a federal court order and drawing hundreds of cheering Christian activists to this capitol city,
 Alabama's crusading chief justice conceded today and said that he will not try to block the removal of his
 2-ton Ten Commandments monument from the rotunda of the Supreme Court building.

"Maybe they can move the monument, but they can't take it out of our hearts," said Rich Kendall, 52,
 who there with a 10-foot-tall wooden cross on his back.

 Hey Rich - nobody ever tried to take it from your heart.
 That was just Jerry Falwell being a prick.

Why we dropped the bomb on Japan

  Click  Here

  New perspectives...

 Welcome to Brainwashington D.C.

  Click  Here

 [As of ] today the criminal case of the 9-11 attacks has remained entirely unsolved.   Investigations by police
 and authorities utterly failed, none of the real backers and preparators of these attacks were found, also no hard
 evidence and no terrorist was captured. In fact, after 18 months we do not know more than we knew 48 hours
 after the attacks, when that list of the 19 Hijackers had been published. So the results of the greatest police-operation
 in history amount to virtually nothing.

 I think there are two reasons for this zero-investigation:

 First: the secrecy of the US-administration, which has stonewalled all evidence of 9-11 flight-recorders,
           air-traffic-communication etc. - and buried it in the grave of "national security".

 Second: the nearly total breakdown of the media's constitutional function in democratic societies
               as an instrument of power-control and critical investigation.

 Subject: gas prices


 What are gas prices like in Oklahoma?
 In New York, they will be past $2.00 a gallon soon.

 One station raised prices 27 cents a gallon, including 13 cents in one day!
 The B.F.E.E. loves oil, so they don't care.


 I think California has gas in the $2.30 range - they voted Democrat.

 Oklahoma was solidly behind Bush, so gas is $1.50 here


Welcome back, Dave.

 For years, the GOP has had a phoney issue about the United Nations.

 Blowhard gasbags like vulgar Pigboy Rush have said 1,000 times that
 "Clinton wants to turn our military over to the clowns over at the UN."
 It was a phoney issue because in the last 50 years, there's never been
 a situation that the American military couldn't handle - until right now.

 Now the Unelected Bungler is on his knees, begging and bribing other nations
 to please send some of their young men to come die with us,
 but knowing that a lying idiot, theif and fool is in charge, they are hesitant.

 The only way they'll consider sending troops is if they can share the
 decision-making, because Rummy & Cheney have done such a bad job.

 ...but that means, to some degree, we're turning over our military to the UN
 which is the phoney non-issue that never was - until Bush made his oil grab.

 Bottom line - the GOP will do what they always do - they'll sacrifice their
 core beliefs to bail out one of their own because, to use a poker term,
 they've gone "All in" on the Pinhead who's been a dismal failure at best.

 Suddenly, they don't mind turning over our military to the UN.
 Suddenly, that's fine and dandy with these jagoffs.

 They know if a Democrat wins, they will have to stop raping the treasury
 and the super rich will have to give up their oh-so-precious tax cut,
 so they'll sacrifice the health of their kids before they'll give up that extra money.

 Subject: Scaredy Cat


 Joe Conason
 Joe Conason
 Joe Conason
 Joe Conason
 Joe Conason
 Joe Conason
 Joe Conason
 Joe Conason
 Joe Conason
 Joe Conason
 Joe Conason

 I just love to scare people.

 Franklinton, LA

 ha ha

 I think everyone should ask Bill O'Reilly what he's afraid of...

                             Weekend in the sand...

 Tiger loses again
 Eldrick shut out of majors this year, internet hex blamed

  Click  Here

 ha ha


 They say one of the latest fatalities in Iraq was from a "non-combat bullet wound."

 Are these men shooting themselves to escape the hellish realities of Bush's Folly?

 Sam is here to help you get in the Members section.
 If you haven't been notified by the automated system of your login and password,
 send Sam another e-mail and she'll get you in.  She works hard, that Sam.

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 If you should be in the members section, but aren't, write to Sam and tell her if you subscribed by
 2Checkout,  PayPal  or  snail mail.  She'll fix you up.

 Students, teachers, military

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Marty's E! page
Chris Rock on Dave tonight
Baron Dave Romm on 'Talking Back to Hate Radio'
Return of BAGNews
Ray Bradbury turned 83
Angelina Jolie in Russia
Courtney Love is not Brando's granddaughter
The 'Bob Hope Dining Facility' in Baghdad
And a bunch of links


 Monkeys make poor war heroes

 President Bush's lack of leadership in losing the war on terrorism has been remarkable.
 After September 11, President Bush acted like a coward and hid in a bunker. America is
 much less safe as a result.  He continues to wage global war on every country that can't
 fight back, with focus and determination. Thanks to him, America is losing the war on terror.

 Our military proceeded with reckless abandon to murder the innocent civilians of Afghanistan
 and Iraq, and ensure that terrorists all over the world have even more reason than ever to use
 weapons of mass destruction against America and Israel.

 President Bush fails to understand that we must give our military all the support it needs.
 He has not sent nearly enough troops into Iraq to win the peace. That is why the capture of
 Baghdad was followed by all of the anarchy and looting. Clearly, he had no plan for maintaining
 the peace after capturing Iraq. I assume that is because he cares not about the Iraqis. All he
 wants is to steal their oil and leave.

 He continues to cut the pay and benefits of our military men both here, and overseas.
 His "help is on the way" lie was just empty rhetoric, which seems to be an ongoing pattern
 with this administration.  This President is not providing the leadership America needs.

 William X V

 Michael Moore
 Bowling for Columbine

  Click to Order

 Al Franken
 Lies and the Lying Liars at FOX

  Click to Order       #1 at

 Carlos Santana interview on CNN

 It was wild stuff.
 Carlos said the band flipped out when they saw the crowd at Woodstock.
 They had to fly in because the roads were impassable, and seeing 350K people
 was a little disturbing to someone doing mass quantities of psychadelic drugs.

 He and his band were unknown outside of San Fransisco at the time, and this was
 their chance to make a big impression on the world, and Carlos was tripping on
 mescaline, plus another drug I'm surpisingly not familiar with and LSD.

 Carlos said he couldn't control the neck of his guitar because it was moving around like a snake.

 ha ha

 He said he was making all those goofy faces because he was chasing his fretboard
 all the time he was onstage.  (Of course, you kids shouldn't try this at home.)
 So he did what all scared people do - he prayed.

 He promised God that he'd never do drugs again if God would help him get thru this gig.
 "Of course, I lied," he chuckled 34 years later. "I did lots of drugs after that."


 What if you were a super-rich, snooty Democrat,
 and you were at a party on a Wednesday, and a very good friend said,
 "If you still own stock in my company, you'd better sell it all tomorrow
  because Friday it's going to crash harder than Jenna Bush at a Cuervo party."

 Are you telling me you'd hold that stock and take the bath?


"There are reports that Argentina and the Congo are sending their fiscal policy experts
  to Sacramento to help stabilize the situation. California's credit rating has been slashed
  to junk-bond status, and citizens are advised to stock up for the not-too-far-off day when
  cigarettes and Botox become the hard currency of choice. At this stage, we couldn't give
  California back to Mexico.
     --Ann Coulter, blaming Enron's rape victim for the attack     Attribution

 Race Jokes with Rush Limbaugh

"A nigger and a spic jump off the Empire State Building, who hits the ground first?

  ...who cares?"

 For more, listen to Rush weekdays from noon - 3pm EDT


“Remember the $8 million advance Hillary Clinton’s publisher gave her?
  Turns out it was a bargain.  She has earned every penny – and then some.
  Her book is a best-seller in eight countries....  She has not only signed 20,000
  copies of her book, she has also put her name on more legislation than any
  other Senator in this Congress."
        --John Cochran, ABC News    Attribution

 Ted (I'd rape a nun) Nugent: I'm No Racist
  He just doesn't like niggers, geeks or beaners

  Click  Here

 Muskegon city officials dropped Nugent from their festival lineup after controversy erupted over
 Nugent's alleged use of "geeks" and "niggers" for Asians and African Americans on Denver's
 KRFX-FM Lewis & Floorwax morning show on May 5.

 Nugent was speaking with DJs Rick Lewis and Michael Floorwax when he attempted to make
 the point that the words "geeks" and "niggers" were just that, words, and therefore shouldn't offend,
 citing Richard Pryor's comedic use of the N-word as an example.

 ha ha

 Remember during the OJ trial, Rush kept re-hashing F Lee Bailey's questions to Mark Furhman,
 "Have you used the word  nigger  in the last ten years?"

 Rush never had so much fun in his life, unless you count the hundreds of times he ridiculed Jocelyn
 Elders for getting Eric Clapton's name wrong.  Trust me, these racist bastards, when they can think
 of an excuse to say "nigger" or ridicule a "nigger" with a vagina, that's like hitting three home runs in
 one game for them - that's why they got in talk radio in the first place - to connect with other racists.

 Republicans dismiss women, and they hate blacks because God told him to, so when they get a chance
 to mock a black woman, it's Christmas, New Years and 4th of July all in one.  It's great being GOP.

 They're so tired of not being allowed to call the nigger what he is, when they finally get a chance to
 say the word on the air, they wet themselves like Backdoor Bettina Gregory, breathlessly reporting
 on another fabricated allegation made by Matt Drudge against our last elected president.

 Mr. O'Reilly,

 Why are you afraid of Joe Conason?
 Is it because he's smarter than you?

 Or maybe because he would expose you as the fool and the liar that you are?
 I understand that your manly friend Ann Coulter hides from him also.
 I guess you don't want your stupid viewers to hear the truth about your spin.

 Fair and Balanced my ass.

 The Poker game has sold out.

Football's around the corner, the pennant races are heating up,
Mr. Perfect tries to fight off the BartCop Hex,
It's beginning to feel like fall...
Check it out at...

Click to Enter

 If Bush steals another term,
 won't that guarantee we'll be at war until 2008?

 Bush's American soldier body count in Iraq
 It now stands at  275 292

 Soon, we'll be at 300.
 How long before we hit 400?

 The Pentagon released new figures, reflecting the wounded who have since died.

 Total deaths since the Bloodthirsty Bully said, "Bring 'em On":  71+

  Perhaps 1,100 wounded.
 How much more are we willing to tolerate?

 It's from

 Note: I talked to the Dude over there and he's trying to get straight answers
 from the Pentagon - no, seriously - and he will post the new figures when they come in.

In trouble?
 Call the

You have two minutes to speak your peace.

 Subject: E-Mail to O'Reilly


 I realize you're a Whore for Faux News, but are you a Punk, too?

 Maybe one day, if your testes drop, you'll take on a real man like Joe Conason.
 If you do... I'll even watch.


 I think everyone should write to Bill O'Reilly and ask him why he's afraid
 to let Smoking Joe be on "The Factor" for some spirited, no-spin debate.

 (I wonder if O'Reilly will mention his chicken mail?)

 If you weren't able to check in over the weekend,
 Click  Here  to read Volume 1143 - Monkey at the controls

 Have a good time today - that's an order.

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Use this portal and they'll throw  four cents.

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  Click to Order

                                  Conason  ......         McDougal      H Clinton                     Franken           ... Hightower         M Moore




 Read the  Previous Issue

 It had  everything.

 Copyright © 2003,

 Shrl, I can't wait to get your next album and see you on tour!

 Hey, get well soon!
 Call me!

 Call  The BartPhone,  just to say "Hi!"
 Plus, leave an e-mail address and I'll make you a BartCop Member - for free!

 ha ha
 Then your enemies will fear you!
 ha ha

 You can call the Bart-Phone at 918-493-1500
 That would be really cool, and we'll catch you at The Joint on your next American tour.  and BartCop are trademarks of attempts at humor.

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