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In Today's Tequila Treehouse... Election to be Monitored  Carpetbagger to Face Obama Contract to torture Iraqis D-r-i-v-e   b-y   N-e-w-s  'I promise to vote Monkey' GOP's Dishonorable Charge All Vanity, No Fair The 'Passion' Confession  God Bless Monkey Mail   Quote of the Day "I'm a highly trained electrician.    What am I supposed to do, go to    Wal-Mart and work as a greeter?     I shouldn't have to do that."      --Craig Miller, jobless  Attribution    I have the answer - vote Kerry. Bart Store Thanks to Jim, David, Ron and C@

 

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 Quotes

"When our president tells us that our security is at risk, that attack is imminent
  -- when the shepherd boy tells us that the wolf is already among sheep -- we need
  to be able to believe him, without doubt or reservation. As I recall Aesop's fable,
  the shepherd boy survived his mendacity, losing only his job. It was the sheep that took the hit."
      --William Raspberry, who loves Rush the vulgar Pigboy     Attribution

 International team to monitor presidential election
  Since Bush can't be trusted not to cheat like last time

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 It will be the first time such a team has been present for a U.S. presidential election.

 Thirteen Democratic members of the House of Representatives, raising the specter of possible
 civil rights violations that they said took place in Florida and elsewhere in the 2000 election,
 wrote to U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan in July, asking him to send observers.

 After Annan rejected their request, saying the administration must make the application,
 the Democrats asked Secretary of State Colin Powell to do so.

 The issue was hotly debated in the House, and Republicans got an amendment to a foreign aid
 bill that barred federal funds from being used for the United Nations to monitor U.S. elections.
 

 Oh, the shame of it all - think what we look like to "lesser" countries.
 At least this looks like an apology to the rest of the worls - we didn't elect this son of a bitch.
 He stole power over the objection of the voeters and we're trying to prevent him from stealing it again.
 Maybe if we can get back to electing our leaders, maybe if our votes are actually counted this time,
 we won't have a madman in charge, invading helpless countries that have raw materials he wants to steal.
 

  Comments?

 Subject: baby Glocks and such things

 You wrote that none of those kids with the Xbox theft would be dead if one of them had a gun.
 I agree with you.  Trouble is, they're underage.

 Hold on, the article said: "The victims, who ranged in age from 18 to 34,"
 Shirley, if you can die for Halliburton in Iraq at 18, you can own a gun in the states at 18
 You might be thinking of the teen scumbags with the baseball bats, which are plenty legal.
 

 Thus, we can extrapolate your point of view to suggest that kids be allowed to own guns.

 ...careful with that extrapolation, Eugene
 

 If you're going to make that inference, you'll also have to consider training kids in gun use.
 There's no better place than the school.  All kids over like Kindergarten age should have a
 field trip once a week to the range so they can learn about all the common types of guns out there.

 Was that your inference?  If so, I agree.  If not, why not?
 ChicoMike
 

 IF I had a son, and IF I knew him to be responsible, he would have a gun.
 Not sure about the age, cause I've never had kids.
 If one has a gun, gun education couldn't be a bad thing.
 
 Were you trying to set a trap?

 Quotes

"Absolutely!"
  -- Tommy Franks, when asked if Kerry is qualified to be commander in chief,    Attribution

 Carpetbagger Keyes to Face Obama
  GOP pits black man against black man - just like old times

..
       "I's doing what Massa George told me to do..."

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 Alan Keyes, a Maryland resident agreed yesterday to move to Illinois to pretend
 he has a chance against Barack Obama, a state senator who is favored to win the seat.

"My decision to accept this is based on orders given me by Massa George," Keyes said
 in an interview after his announcement leaked our ahead of schedule. "I loves my Massa
 George, and I will do whatever Massa George tell me to do," Keyes said, apparently inebriated.
"If Massa George tell me, 'Chop off the foot of that runaway slave,' I does that for him."
 

  Comments?

  Click  here  to see what we could've done with the

 $144,000,000,000 (it's much higher) Bush blew in Iraq

 Quotes

"I'm not going to be satisfied until everybody who wants to work can find a job."
   --America's nightmare who killed 3 million jobs with his tax cuts to the rich, Attribution
 

 George, why aren't you satisfied with the $90M a day you're stealing in Iraq?
 2 million barrels a day - now at $45 a barrel = $90M a day - where's that money, George?

 Contract to torture
  Private-sector employees took part in prisoner abuse

  Click  Here

  Exerpt:
 Private contractors, hired as interrogators at Abu Ghraib, played a key role in the abuses.
 According to the testimony of one detainee, a male contract worker carried out one of the
 most heinous crimes at the prison, raping a boy while a female soldier took pictures.

 In violation of Army policy, Abu Ghraib was located in a war zone, where detainees and
 U.S. soldiers alike were under daily assault by mortars, rocket-propelled grenades and
 small-arms fire. Prisoners were regularly beaten, sodomized with broomsticks and police
 batons, terrorized by military attack dogs, and subjected to psychological torture, including
 at least one mock electrocution.
 

...and almost half of America likes the job Bush has done in Iraq?

 Subject:  Baby Glock

 With the sound of a slide on a shotgun, no shots need be fired at all.

 bpl

 Quotes

"The Dutch Labour party wants to pass a law making unsolicited toe-licking an offence after
  police were unable to prosecute a would-be Casanova with a taste for female toes because he
  had committed no crime. A police spokesman said on Friday a man had been detained after
  women sunning themselves in Rotterdam's parks and beaches claimed he would sneak up on
  them and begin to lick their toes. "The officers had to let him go.  Licking a stranger's toes is
  rather unusual but there is really nothing criminal about it," the spokesman said.
      --Reuters, "Needed: a Ban on Unsolicited Toe-Licking?"      Attribution
 
 

..
 "My name's Dick Morris - I suck toes.   Got any?"

 Bush-backers-only policy riles voters at RNC rallies
  You can't attend unless you swear in writing that you love them  saw it on smirkingchimp

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
"Whose vice president is he?" said 72-year-old retiree John Wade of Albuquerque,
     who was asked to sign the form when he picked up his tickets. "I just wanted to
     hear what my vice president had to say, and they make me sign a loyalty oath?"

"They asked the police to escort me out of there," 64 year-old Nick Lucy said.
    "I wasn't going to disrupt anything, but I probably wasn't going to clap a lot, either.
    Every rally the president goes to everyone is cheering for him because they're handpicked."

"They want to make sure people can hear the president and vice president's vision for
     the next four years. There are thousands of volunteers who sacrifice and work hard on
     the campaign and who deserve to see and hear their president without being disrupted
     and disrespected," said GOP spokesman Danny Diaz, knowing full well his party sends
     men to Kerry rallies to blow giant plastic horns to disrupt the war hero as he speaks
 

 I'm no lawyer, but when you hold a ticket to an event, that's a binding legal contract
 between the ticket holder and the ticket seller that gives to you every right to attend that event. Years ago
 in K-Drag, the bully-happy cops were hand-searching every person attemtpign to attend a rock concert,
 but they never searched people going to a country concert or a rodeo, a tractor pull (whatever) etc.

 A local Democratic lawyer called the city and reminded them that holding a ticket give you
 the right to go places unmolested, unless the cops are searching everyone for weapons etc.
 The city of Tulsa was forced to back down.

 Too bad the American whore press and the Democrats are afraid to call them on this.
 

.
"My peeps adore me and Unka Dick..."

  Comments?

 Pundit Pap for August 8, 2004

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:  ABC This Week
 Judas Maximus:  Kerry is fit for command?     Tommy Franks: "Absolutely."

 Whoa -- we thought Franks was Bush's man! We knew that answer would generate headlines -- the kind
 the Misadministration does not want when they're sending the likes of Condi Rice to the Sunday Talk Ghetto
 to push terrorism alerts. Wanna bet Franks doesn't speak at the Republican Convention -- or, as some wags
 are calling it, "Nuremburg on the Hudson"?

 Excerpt:  CBS Face the Nation
 Frances Townsend, the supposedly "kinder, gentler" shill for Tom Ridge and the Bush Boy, had one goal this
 week on FTN: to make it absolutely, positively, crystal clear that this latest Orange Alert in NYC and DC is
 dead serious and we are in more danger than we were a couple of weeks ago -- while simultaneously trying
 to claim we are making great strides in winning the war against evil terrorist evildoers

 Excerpt:  NBC Meet the Whore
 Cunnilingus Rice surfaced with Tim Russert as the first guest on the weekly Republican pattycake hour,
 waxing lyrical about our tough diplomacy and Gutless Wonder Boy's "Axis of Evil" speech (one down, two to go).
 When Tim asked her to talk about the pointed remarks made by Howard Dean regarding the politicalization of
 the homeland security situation, she sighed wistfully and said, "I wish he had been able to sit with us on Saturday
 and Sunday and go through the threats."

 As do we all, Condo -- it would be lovely to have someone NOT in the Bush/Cheney/Rumsfeld cabal agree
 that the threats did exist and that this is not smoke and mirrors to up the ante.

 NY Helicopter Tours Proceed Despite Al Qaeda Warnings
  Al-Qaida may use helicopters, rented cars and limousines, to deliver powerful bombs

  Click  Here
 

 Terry Nichols Asks Forgiveness After Sentencing
  Most people ask before sentencing, but that's GOP logic for you

  Click  Here
 

 Oil sets another record - approaching $45 a barrel
   Without Bush's fake war, they couldn't have pulled it off

  Click  Here
 

 Fay Wray of `King Kong' Dies
  Together forever with her giant ape in Heaven

..
      This may be the only color
     picture of her you see all week

  Click  Here

 Republicans' Dishonorable Charge
   by Joe Conason

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 With his passionate denunciation of the swift boat commercial and its sponsors, McCain again
 displayed the dignity and self-respect that once elevated him above other politicians. Calling on
 President Bush to repudiate the ugly anti-Kerry ad, McCain took a step back from his awkward
 embrace of the Republican ticket last month. "I can't believe the president would pull such a cheap stunt,"
 he told reporters, while acknowledging that he didn't know whether Bush strategists were involved.

 The response of the Bush spokesmen was bland but telling. They saw no reason to disavow or endorse
 the swift boat ads. White House press secretary Scott McClellan said that the president has never
 questioned Sen. Kerry's military service (as if he is in any position to do so).
 
 

.
"I still have glass in my ass from sitting on a
  broken Jim Beam bottle in Laredo back in '72..."
 

  Comments?

 Subject: Re: Glock

 I am a lifelong anti-gun person who nevertheless now owns several handguns.
 I still find myself believing that nothing can happen to ME.
 Nonetheless, stuff happens to people all around me.

 On 9-11 I looked around (I live in the DC area) and was far more scared of my
 fellow Americans than of any terrorist threat. It was after that that I purchased
 (and learned to use) a handgun. I hate feeling that I have to own them - but it's reality.

 Mark

 
 If you are in bed, and you hear a window break or someone kicking at your door, dialing 9-1-1
 is completely useless and ineffective. But having a Glock in your hand is f-ing priceless. It won't help
 anybody to say, "Gee, I wish I'd taken Bart's advice and protected myself and my family,"

 Subject: News from Indian country

 Two things have occurred during Kerry's train trip through KS, CO, NM and now AZ

 1) During his stay  in Albuquerque, Sen. Kerry did some shopping...seems he wanted to buy a new cowboy hat.
 He was starting to try on hats, STOPPED himself, told our Gov. that "I'm gonna get myself in trouble," had his
 people escort the media out of the store BEFORE he got another embarrasing photo taken. Shows that he has
 heard the bunny suit criticism, learned from it and responded appropriately.  Well played.

 Thank you...
 

 2) He visited the Inter-Tribal Ceremonial in Gallup, NM, at the invitation of the Navajo Nation and the others.
 The tribal elders called Sen. & Mrs. Kerry their brother and sister, included them in the ceremonial stuff, and gave
 them the blessing of the tribes.  He promised a national First Nations adviser, and a place for Indian Health Services
 on all health care discussions.  He also promised to honor the treaties and the sovreignity of the native people.
 Scored big big points. Hopefully that will carry over to the tribal people in other states, say OK and KS etc.
 We need their votes.

 Link to ABQ Journal article : http://abqjournal.com/elex/207619elex08-09-04.htm?lrail

 I am officially encouraged.
 Holly in ABQ
 
 
 

"Indians are just local ragheads..."

 Quotes

"I am pleased that the State Department responded by acting on this need
  for international monitors.   We sincerely hope that the presence of the monitors
  will make certain that every person's voice is heard, every person's vote is counted."
   --Rep. Barbara Lee on the sad reality that the mighty United States of America has had to ask
      foreigners come in and verify American democracy by keeping a close eye on that theiving
      little shit in the White House so he doesn't steal power for another four years.   Attribution

 All Vanity, No Fair
 Chris is Hitchens a Ride With The Dry Drunk

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 Not content to address the serious issues of Mr. Bush's behavior that we addressed in our initial
 "articles" (as Hitchens calls them, though mine appeared, and was clearly labeled, "commentary"),
 he launches into almost comical intellectual contortions that do everything BUT acknowledge the truth
 about Bush, his drinking and what it might mean to all the rest of us. To Hitchens, it's all about politics,
 it's all a game of ideological tit for tat. Since he's a war hawk now and Bush is his war hero, he finds
 that it's fair game to shock and awe the opposition.

 However, to continue this martial metaphor, his column was the Mother Of All Bombs.
 

 Comments?

..
       "If I win, the victory is for God," says the Keyes Monkey.

   No, your race for the senate is for God
   The victory is ours - don't blame God when you lose.

   You've been a candidate for what - 24 hours? ...and you're already lying?

 Subject: Does anyone know what happened to Geneva Clark, our astrologer

 Bart,

 I would be more interested in why the hell you HAVE a Bartcop Astrologer.

 You often decry the delusional nature of religion; how is this different?
 Just another superstition used to defraud the gullible. Not unlike the Republican Party.

 I am surprised that you lend your name to it.
 cory
 

 Cory, if I watch a Superman movie, that doesn't mean I think people can fly.

 Houston Murder trial involves 'Passion' confession
  ME's Office ruled 'suicide' and the case was closed, till the killer confessed

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 A man who said the movie "The Passion of the Christ" prompted him to confess to strangling
 his girlfriend and making it appear as a suicide faces trial in the slaying this week.

 After seeing the film, Dan Leach II told Fort Bend County sheriff's detectives of an elaborate
 plan to make Ashley Nicole Wilson's death look like a suicide. Leach was scheduled to go on trial
 Tuesday.  Wilson was found dead in her apartment after she had apparently hanged herself.
 

 How can the Harris County Medical Examiner be so incredibly inept?
 Is this the same bunch that ruled that Enron murder a 'suicide,' too?
 

   Comments?

 Subject: Now Keyes is the carpetbagger

 Alan Keyes will run for US Senate in Illinois where he has never lived.
 Keyes once called Hillary Clinton a carpetbagger for running for Senate in New York is now
 doing the same thing. Amazingly,  these Republicans flip flop when it works to their favor.

 The Keyes candidacy raises questions about the race factor. Keyes is strongly against affirmative action
 and any race based preferences. So it makes you wonder why he doesn't have a problem with the GOP
 picking him because he's black.

 Anyhow - I'm predicting that an African American will win this senate seat - and by African American
 I'm talking about someone who actually comes from Africa.

 Marc Perkel
 San Francisco, CA.
 

 We may also have an African-American first lady.

 I saw this on the Wayback Machine - thought it was funny

 Click  Here

 Quotes

"My troops and I were kind of frustrated in Iraq, which is not to say that it distracted us
  from the mission. But you don't have the equipment, you see we have a flawed plan, you know
  your family is not getting information. When I came back I figured there would be a lot of people
  talking about the war. But there weren't. Sure there were wonks and politicians sitting in their
  air-conditioned offices, but I didn't feel like the troops were being heard from   I wanted to
  create an organization that connected policy with people, so people could understand the positive
  and negative ramifications of the war."
   --Army Reservist Paul Rieckhoff, on why he created Operation Truth,    Attribution
 

 I wonder what the positive ramifications are of this war?
 ...besides Halliburton stealing hundreds of billions of dollars, I mean...

 Subject: Re: Florida slayings

 kind of hard to shoot someone when you're asleep

 David H

 Arson hits Vancouver's pot block
  anti-freedom Republicans break another law

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 The popular Blunt Brothers Café in the heart of Vancouver's pot-block fell
 victim to a raging fire on the morning of Sunday, April 25, 2004 - a fire started,
 claim investigators, by arsonists using an accelerant.

 The owner of the Blunt Brothers Café says he is not sure if he'll rebuild the business,
 which he described as a Vancouver institution. He is currently redirecting his focus to
 his other venture, the New Amsterdam Café, on the same block, until insurance matters
 and other decisions are finalized in respect to the Blunt Brothers business plan.

 Subject: TV Guide

 Hi Bart:
 
 Re TV Guide..... one idea which works for me.....
 
 Read it online and save the trees.
 You always get the entire grid that way.
 
 :]  Lyons

 Cat Gets Military Rank After Iraq Tour
 
  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 Pfc. Hammer is an Iraqi tabby cat the unit adopted. When Bousfield found out his unit was
 leaving Iraq in March, he decided he couldn't leave a member of his team behind.

"He has been through mortar attacks," said Bousfield, a 19-year Army veteran.
"He'd jump and get scared liked the rest of us. He is kind of like one of our own."

 Pfc. Hammer got his name from the unit that adopted him, Team Hammer. Soldiers would tuck
 Hammer in their body armor during artillery attacks, and in return, Hammer chased mice in the mess hall.

"He was a stress therapist," Bousfield said. "The guys would come back in tired and stressed.
 Hammer would come back and bug the heck out of you. He wiped away some worries."

   Comments?

 Subject: the XBox files

 There's so much to comment on this, I don't know where to begin.

 First of all, like all video games, the Xbox is evil. (It wastes your time. If you, Bart,
 had gotten hooked on these things, your web page wouldn't exist and that Mexican
 gasoline you drink would go untouched. Those games are that addictive.)

 The Xbox is also evil in another way. Microsoft sells them at a loss. They up the price on the games
 they sell for Xbox and make their money back that way. (Yes, it's very much like a pusher...it isn't the
 initial buzz, it's the upkeep.) Some dedicated computer hackers keep trying to cheat Microsoft by putting
 stuff like Linux on the Xbox, but Microsoft keeps playing with the machine's guts to make it impossible.

 In effect, then, these guys did this bloody murder to get their heroin back. It should make a great ad for Microsoft:
 "The game system  that's so good, you'll beat people to death with an aluminum bat to get it back."

 tomreed

 Subject: howsabout   lmgs    instead?

 Bart, you wrote:

> "A baby Glock trumps a room full of scumbags armed with baseball bats.
>  The sound of the first shot will turn crazed killers into scared bunnies."

 Sure, except if you store your Glock safely, it may not be ready before the first swing crushes your skull.
 

 Whoa, not sure what that means, but the Baby has one in the chamber and is ready to fire at all times.
 I think it would be impolite to ask a crazed killer to wait while I unlock, then load my gun.

 I think we'd all be safer with light machine guns, loaded and trained on each door and firing a few rounds
 at random intervals. You could use a small calibre 5.45, and plate your doors with steel so the only danger
 would be from ricochets. That's what I'm doing, and I'm from Canada where aluminium baseball bats
 are prohibited weapons (Nerf is all we allow up here!).

 John
 

 John, I sense a whif of sarcasm in your note.

 Bush Outing of Khan and the Faustian Bargain

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
"David Johnston of the New York Times tried to get further details of the Bush administration
 outing of Pakistani double agent Muhammad Naeem Noor Khan. But he was stonewalled when
 he called his Bush administration contacts: "American officials contacted on Saturday would not
 confirm that Mr. Khan was a mole or double agent and said that his arrest had led to intelligence
 gains of enormous value in uncovering the surveillance operation in the United States."
 
 This response is unresponsive. We already knew that Khan's arrest had led to a gold mine of evidence
 about al-Qaeda. And, we don't need Washington to tell us whether Khan was a double agent for
 Pakistani intelligence. It turns out that both the United Kingdom and Pakistan are extremely angry with
 Bush for going public with the details gleaned from the computers of Khan and Ghailani."
 

 But the Lil' Cowboy needed a distraction from DemoCon2004, so he's been
 trotting out captured Al Qaeda "big shots" every day trying to prove he's a "war president."

  Comments?

 Quotes

"Bush has come out against legacy admissions in college. Bush says the fact that
  his father and grandfather went to Yale had nothing to do with him getting into Yale.
  It was simply a matter of him personally meeting with the dean and getting him high."
    --Bill Maher, from his HBO show which seems better than last year

 Today in History

  Not much happened on this date in history.

..

 From: joemcguire@optonline.net

 Subject:  God Bless you

 I think your site is great, hope it helps the Kerry team.

 Thanks, but they refuse to listen to me.
 

 I long for the good old days of blow jobs in the Oval Office

 Me, too.
 I remember a time when Clinton's zipper was America's most pressing concern.
 Those were the good old days, peace and prosperity, all the soldiers came home alive...
 

 ...and killing Americans hear at home again.

 Killing Americans hear?
 Are you talking about a Ted Nugent concert?
 They say his shows burst eardrums like crazy.
 

 I mean the slaughtering the women and kids in the Branch Dravidians Compound
 was so much more entertaining then watching some foreigners getting there heads blown off.

 Branch Dravidians?
 Your sense of history is almost as mind-boggling as your entertainment choices.
 The GOP investigation said, "with 100% certainty" that Koresh started that fire.

 BTW, do you know the difference between David Koresh and Bill Bennett?
 Bill Bennett is still smoking - ha ha
 

 I wonder why Michael Moore didn't make a movie about that?

 Maybe he'd rather be paid $110 million exposing your Greed Monkey as a Saudi-led moron.
 

 Seams like a money maker to me.

 "Seams" like your spelling should dial 9-1-1 because it's f-ing murder..
 

 Your safe .. God protects the ignorant,
 JGM
 

 ...and Glock protects the rest of us.

 Quotes

 "Supposedly new jobs being created, but they're not jobs we can live with...
  They're paying $9 an hour. Five years ago, it would have paid maybe $18 .
  This one is paying $12 . Here's one for $8.75 .
  These are the great new jobs that are opening up in Green Bay." 
    --Steve Anderson, who will probably vote for Bush   Attribution

 Subject: Shedding Nader

 I supported Nader for the last two elections, and I even supported him
 for this one--until a month ago, when he took donations from the GOP.
 When he accepted 45,000 GOP signatures to qualify for the Michigan ballot.

 I supported him despite the closeness of the Bush/Kerry race because I believe that there
 should be a multi-party system in American politics, and Nader's stubbornness to act according
 to the way things should be was something I admired.  But when he used the flaws in the system
 to his own advantage, he proved himself  "indistinguishable from the other candidates."

 Now I regret my support of him, for he has set back the fight for multi-party elections even farther,
 keeping us away from a true democracy.

 Chaelan

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 Copyright © 2004, bartcop.com

..
 Shirley Manson of the rock group "Garbage."

 Shrl, call  The BartPhone, just to say "Hi!"
 Plus, leave an e-mail address and I'll make you a BartCop Member - for free!

 You can call the Bart-Phone at 918-748-1714
 That would be really cool, and we'll catch you in Vegas at The Joint on your next American tour.

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