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Today's Tequila Treehouse...
Quote of the Day
"These charges against John Kerry are false.
But since he's not, he won't.
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"George's mother was his Cub Scout leader.
That's when some say her hair turned white."
--Pickles Bush, trying to be funnier than her clown husband Attribution
defend Kerry, criticize Dole
Dole reverts to the worst kind of whore
Vietnam war veterans defended John Kerry from charges he lied to get
his medals and scolded super-whore Bob Dole for joining the critics.
Dole fiercely attacked Kerry on CNN saying
he won "three Purple Hearts
and never bled that I know of. I mean, they're all superficial wounds."
Bob Dole, you are a disgraceful bastard.
Dole's suggestion that Kerry "never bled"
runs counter to US Navy records
showing that Kerry still carries shrapnel in his left thigh from a 1969 firefight.
I once had some respect for Bob Dole, a
man who milked an entire career out of
being wounded in battle, and now he turns gutter whore for the AWOL Deserter?
Remember the super-famous quote of Dole's,
"Stop lying about my record!"
That was aimed at Bush the Smarter, who was lying about Dole's record.
Dole gets in line to fellate Dubya the AWOL
McCain gets in line to fellate Dubya the AWOL deserter.
Why do Republicans forgive and forget the BFEE's horrible personal attacks?
It would be one thing to mischaracterize
a voting record or an issue position, but saying
"McCain betrayed his fellow POWs in Hanio Hilton? is something McCain forgives?"
"McCain went crazy in Vietnam - can we trust him now?" is something McCain forgives?"
"McCain has a black baby - did you know that?" is something McCain forgives?"
Bob Dole, no matter how much you apologize,
you can't be forgiven for this.
Like the idiot monkey, you suggest Kerry hand-pushed that shrapnel into his legs
so deep the the Navy surgeons were unable to reach it?
Bob Dole, that makes you an extra-stupid whore - you disgust me.
Bart, ol' man,
I just realized yesterday why the US troops
are being so aggressive in Najaf,
when there's really no *reason* not to let the Iraqis take the lead:
the Bushista want a "victory" for the "War President" in time for his convention.
Btw, one of the "sticking points" last week
in Najaf was that Sadr's people wanted
observers to come in and audit the Shrine, so that they can't be accused of stealing things,
or there being damage *after* they left (Amurkans wouldn't do that, would they?) and blaming it on them.
"John, I didn't mean to offend you. You know,
when you continue
to attack George Bush . . . you know, George Bush is my guy.'"
--Bob Dole, (R-Whore) to John Kerry after accusing him of stealing a Purple Heart Attribution
Bush Campaign Lawyer Tied to Group's Anti-Kerry Ads
Bush's re-election campaign lawyer, Ben Ginsberg, has been providing legal advice to the
Swift Boat Liars who falsely accused Kerry of lying about Vietnam, sources said on Tuesday.
Bush campaign spokesman Scott Stanzel lied:
"There has been no coordination at any time."
"It's another piece of the mounting evidence of the ties between the Bush campaign and this group,"
said Kerry campaign spokesman Chad Clanton.
"Unka Karl told Unka Ben to lay low, dammit..."
Subject: Maureen Dowd
Bart, what have you got against Maureen
She's a great writer and vehemently anti-Bush.
Actually, no - she's vehemently against everybody.
She hates the Clintons, hates the Bushes and lies about everybody.
She's Christophen Hitchens, but with balls.
(Listen to BCR #51 for a full explanation)
In a way, she's a bigger whore than Rush, Laura or O'Reilly because
to be free to lie about all sides and never says anything positive about anyone.
Plus, she doesn't spin - she flat-out makes shit up.
I realize there's a tendency to like her when she sprays her venom
but I can't stand people who never, ever take a stand. She's nobody's friend.
...on better bikes everywhere
"This is a presidential race. We're 70 some
days away. It's political hardball, and certainly
Senator Kerry understands that. There's respect there. We were in the Senate together.
But we're talking about the presidential race, and I tweaked him a little on the Purple Hearts.
I just wanted him to get off Bush's back and have his people get off Bush's back."
--Bob Dole, on why he screwed his old friend with a caustic lie Attribution
Apparently Dole the Liar ("It's either
the White House or Russell, Kansas for me!") thinks screwing
an old friend with a nasty-ass lie is wrong the week before the election, but 70 days out is OK because
people understand that this is political hardball where you can fuck an old friend with class.
By the way, Bob, since we're 70 days away and "tweaking"
is accepted, and respect is there,
...I always wondered, ...do you stab Elizabeth in the back with your pen after your Viagra kicks in?
Subject: Why isn't George Elliot charged?
Why isnt George Elliot charged with filing
a false report in his
recommending John Kerry for a Bronze Star?
He now refutes what what he signed over
30 yeas ago.
Was he lying then or is he lying now?
WW2 combat veteran
Cy, he's lying now, when he's not under
oath, so he won't be charged.
Besides, the GOP knows he lying - they won't charge him with anything.
...a shot of Chinaco for you -
Me in 'Merica
Rep. Ike Skelton's constituents are catching up with his Bush skepticism.
This pro-military, anti-Bush stance is hardly the first paradox that Isaac Newton Skelton IV
has put before his public. He is a history-steeped intellectual in a district of small farmers and
Ozark country folk. He is a man with two near-paralyzed arms from adolescent polio who is
successful in a glad-handing job. And he is a Democrat in an increasingly Republican district.
Skelton says that for Kerry to prevail in
Missouri 10 weeks from now, he doesn't have to win
the 4th District, he just can't lose by the nearly 2-to-1 margin Bush beat Gore with four years ago.
"Missouri is Rush Limbaugh country..."
Written on Black Tuesday
On Monday's show, Al Franken asked people to give more money to
so he can fight the swift boat bullshit - but what will more money do for Kerry?
If Kerry's not willing to call Bush out like a man, what will
more money do?
Does Kerry want to fight these lies with some fuzzy commercials?
Is anyone else sick and tired of Kerry and Edwards begging
Bush to play fair?
Is anyone else sick and tired of Kerry and Edwards begging Bush to play nice?
Is anyone else sick and tired of Kerry and Edwards begging for any goddamn reason?
Why are they begging Bush to be nice?
Why don't they act like men and handle this situation like men?
Power isn't something that's given to you.
Power is something you f-ing TAKE.
Power damn sure isn't something you beg your opponent to give you.
Can Kerry-Edwards learn that in the next 70 days?
Or will they still be begging Bush to play fair ...on election eve?
Subject: RE; Dowd's Clinton quote
> "Whenever they hit me, I hit 'em back. And
whenever they came up
> with a charge I didn't believe was true, I answered back."
> --Bill Clinton, on the differences between him and Kerry and Gore,
I saw Bill Clinton say that on Jon Stewart's
show and I was wishing the Kerry campaign would take note!
In 1992, Clinton did exactly that; I remember. Carville and Stephanopolous were all over the media every day,
especially on the Today Show which is watched by millions. They struck back every day and then they would
take it to a higher level by saying Bill Clinton wants to do....etc.
I wonder why Kerry/Edwards refuses to do that?
"The Republicans are in town to do two things
- slander John Kerry and try to get laid. "
--David Letterman, Attribution
as Tonya Harding
A Swift Boat Veterans Rant
Subject: Kerry & the Chimp
Kerry should just get up in front of the
camera and pull a McCain:
"President Bush, you should be ashamed of yourself. I served my country in more ways
than you can count. While you were getting drunk and snorting coke, I was getting my ass shot.
Oh and by the way, since apparently my past
is fair play, yours is too.
We gave you a pass last time on your drug use, but no longer.
What drugs have you used and when?
You refused to answer questions about cocaine use, but you better own up now.
Isn't it true you were a cokehead?
You are a disgrace to this country and as
If you love this country so much, you should resign."
Chris, good one - that's called "fighting back."
I'd sure like to see more of that from Kerry - and less begging..
Bush photographed wearing fake medals
Subject: What do you think now?
What do you think now? Are you still
as worried, about Kerrys' response to the slime machine?
He played the Bush campaign for the fools that they are.
Kerry knew these ads were lies and he timed his response perfectly. In one "swift move" he:
A. Pinned the lies and smears of the SBVFT
right on Bush, did you hear Bush sputtering and
stammering about 527's yesterday? Hell, he signed the legislation, to allow them, and now what?
He wants to restrict free speech? (sounds like material for a future DNC ad)
B. Embarrassed the media, and showed the
public that the media does absolutely no fact checking before they air
right wing lies.
He knows how the press operates, he knows he's at a disadvantage, so he played it the only way he could.
I was watching Tom Oliphant
on Crossfire, he said that Kerry's war record has been questioned in every
of his campaigns and he's always used it to his advantage. Think about it, the more they talk about it, the more
it gets ingrained into the public that, hey, Kerry volunteered for Viet Nam, Bush didn't.
Polls show Kerry losing ground - some people believe the swift boat liars.
Now that anything is fair game, just think
of all the material Kerry has to use down the homestretch. He doesn't
to make things up, and now the media should actually start looking at facts, (now that they've been punk'd).
The republicans will be backpedaling, and you'll hear whining and crying, like you've never heard before.
Kerrys' a tactician. He's bobbing
and weaving, just waiting for his openings.
He might not score a knockout (I personally think he will), but it will at least be a TKO.
Kerry in a landslide.
D, I think that's how the smart people see things, but
what about the other 90 percent?
Somehow, Kerry is losing the war hero vote to the AWOL monkey. That's not good.
Bill Clinton, the draft-dodging, pot-smoking, skirt-chasing KGB
agent kicked the ass of a war hero and
made it look easy. Today, Kerry (so far) is losing the war hero vote to the worst deserter/president ever.
Kerry and Edwards need to stop begging Bush to play
fair and fight like this election means something.
I'd give anything if Kerry & Edwards would get off their knees and stop begging.
and the Democratic campaign:
14 August 2004
Kerry told voters in Iowa that if they believed "I would have gone to war
the way George Bush did, then don't vote for me."
Under conditions in which tens of millions
of people around the world, including
millions of Americans, had judged the claims of the Bush administration to be
crude fabrications, and had taken to the streets to denounce the administration's
war-mongering, Kerry's pose of credulity was, to put it mildly, unconvincing.
Once he had the nomination wrapped up, Kerry
abruptly dropped his anti-war pose
and declared, at every opportunity, his support for the occupation of Iraq and opposition
to the growing popular sentiment to pull the troops out of Iraq, stating repeatedly that
America could not "cut and run."
Found in Ga. Traced to Asteroid
Tektite found in an Georgia an asteroid that crashed 35 million years ago
Dangerfield's Heart Surgery
Rodney hospitalized Tuesday for heart valve replacement
Lady sends Puffy packing?
Pickles says mixing with darkies is George's job...
Russian Jet Sent Hijack Signal
Was this terrorism? At press time, it wasn't known...
U.S. Waterways Contain Polluted Fish
Poisoned water - thanks to Bush and his "Clear Water Initiative"
"They have obviously decided that some people
will believe anything, no matter
how fictional or how far-fetched, if they just repeat it often enough. That's how they
have run their administration, that's how they're running their campaign, and that's
how they will run their convention. You can't cover up reality with a few empty slogans.
On almost every issue before us, we face the same fundamental choice - between
the narrow interest of the few and the future of the vast majority of Americans.
The Bush campaign and its allies have turned to the tactics of fear and smear because
they can't talk about jobs, health care, energy independence and rebuilding our alliances
- the real issues that matter to the American people."
--John Kerry, in New york, Attribution
The Unpolitical Animal
Man may not be a political animal, but he is certainly a social animal. Voters do respond to the cues
of commentators and campaigners, but only when they can match those cues up with the buzz of their
own social group. Individual voters are not rational calculators of self-interest (nobody truly is), and
may not be very consistent users of heuristic shortcuts, either. But they are not just random particles
bouncing off the walls of the voting booth. Voters go into the booth carrying the imprint of the hopes
and fears, the prejudices and assumptions of their family, their friends, and their neighbors. For most
people, voting may be more meaningful and more understandable as a social act than as a political act.
Subject: Kerry will pounce, but are Americans still too stupid?
No doubt you heard about the Kerry/ Weld
debates. Weld is a very intelligent man and he and Kerry
made incredible opponents. Kerry knocked him on the ropes during the last of those debates when his
back was against the wall. And he went on to win after running double digits behind Weld.
Bush is no William Weld.
I have no doubts that Kerry will mop the
floor with him. But, still I'm afraid. I don't mean this to be as
Massachusetts snotty as it will sound. Certainly not everyone in this state is Einstein. But I think there are
a fair number of people here who really appreciated two intelligent men having a civilized debate.
The national media couldn't tolerate a Kerry/Weld
type debate. They give no points for intelligence.
They will give Bush points for just showing up.Will give him sympathy points for being so out of his league.
And the American public, always ready for the LCD, will buy it. Like that Asian kid on American Idol,
Bush will win everyone over precisely because he's so awful. And people will think it's cool, the way
Minnesotans thought it was cool when they got Jessie Ventura. Like Californians when they got Arnold.
Not a real president...four more years of a novelty president.
I'm afraid you're right.
Kerry will win the debate in NY, MA, CA, IL etc.
But the network/cable/radio whores have
already agreed Bush has won the 2004 debates
and the stupid people are going to look to the paid-for network whores to tell them who won.
That's why I've been saying Kerry needs a knockout.
AG: Va. Must Accept Nader's Campaign Petitions
Republican says "law not valid," Nader to be on Virginia ballot
Kilgore says there is no evidence that a state rule requiring campaigns to submit signed petitions
grouped according to congressional district was ever approved by the board and can't be enforced.
Kilgore is a Republican, and head of the Bush-Cheney re-election team in Virginia.
Please visit out sponsors - if you're single
"Now for an update on the White House's ongoing
effort to kill the press corps.
The White House travel office signed a contract last week with an airline called Primaris
to fly the press corps to Bush events. The two-month-old company has only one airplane.
True, media representatives gave their blessing to the deal. But that was before they learned
that the company's president twice had his pilot's license revoked related to his flying of an
"unairworthy" aircraft, that the chief executive flopped in his last attempt to start an airline
and that the 15-year-old plane itself was damaged in a hailstorm a decade ago and spent
most of the past two years mothballed in France."
--Dana Milbank, "Do You Hear What I Hear?' Attribution
About nine years ago, the Washington Whore Press started a two
year investigation into the
important "Travelgate Scandal," even though the travel office serves at the pleasure of the president.
Back then, each breath Clinton took was cause to launch another
But now that the never-elected Fuhrer has killed a thousand soldiers with his cheap-ass oil lies,
while rewarding Halliburton hundreds of millions of dollars worth of no-bid contracts,
the DC Press whores can't find anything to investigate ...besides Kerry's war medals?
Subject: Alice Cooper
Look at some of the other winners for DUMBya. They're either has-beens or wanna-bes:
(1) Jessica "Is that chicken or tuna?"
(2) Gene "All women are whores" Simmons.
(3) Ted "I love animals; that's why I like to hunt them down and kill them" Nugent.
Don't forget Britney "Einstein" Spears,
Bo "Hasn't had a hit in 20 years" Derek and former comedian Dennis Miller.
Hunting of the President
Order your copies from the BartCop Bookstone
"I have never voted for a Republican in my
life. I have supported
every Democratic campaign since 1952. There is no one that has
worked harder or longer in the vineyards of the Democratic Party."
--Zell Miller, explaing why he turned traitor and joined the enemy Attribution
Subject: Volume 1385
The first Swift Boat ad shows George Elliott,
"2 bronze stars".
Can he proved that he really deserved them?
Admiral Roy Hoffmann got a Purple Heart
He also won a Distinguished Service Cross and three Bronze Stars in Vietnam.
Can he proved that he really deserved them?
We hear a lot about John O'Neill.
Kerry was on a Swift Boat for 4 1/2 months.
n that time he was wounded three times and won a Bronze Star and a Silver Star.
How long was O'Neill on a Swift Boat? How many times was he wounded?
What medals did he win? If he won anything, can he prove he deserved them?
After Bob Dole made a fool of himself last Sunday, somebody quoted
from his book
that he got his first purple heart by throwing a grenade that hit a tree and bounced back
towards him and went off wounded him slightly - and he wants to bitch about Kerry's
shrapnel that's embedded so deep the surgeons couldn't reach it?
I'm really old, and I'd never seen a senior politician make THAT
big a fool of himself
as Dole did last Sunday. I think we have to go all the way back to Wilbur Mills and
Fanne Foxx in the Tidal basin to find a fuck-up as big as Bob Dole last Sunday.
Subject: BCR Show 51
I think show 51 was the best yet.
I am impressed with the happy medium that
you've achieved between rants and recorded material.
In previous shows, I would notice it was heavy one way or another. Also, Mike Malloy, Bill Maher,
and Randi Rhodes are gifts to the left from the almighty Lord of common sense.
Tally's contribution to the radio show was
her best yet. I was both touched and impressed by her articulate
personal link between feelings toward her parents and disdain for the swift boat liars. Thank you, Tally for sharing.
The only thing I would like to hear more of is Oklahoma / California news reports starring Tommy and ole Bart.
I would also suggest choosing a short sample
of each radio show for free access. You may be able to entice
new subscribers this way. Maybe that's not logistically possible and if so, I'll shut my mouth.
Here for a sample of Show 51
Have you considered calling Mike Malloy's
I would love to hear a regular Bartcop segment on Mike's show. That would be outstanding.
I'll call Mike sometime and surprise him.
Even with the comedy, news footage, and
analysis, the Bartcop Beatdowns of the nazi right are the main event.
Keep red-assin' Bart.
Kerry: GOP Uses 'Fear and Smear' Tactics
John Kerry accused Republicans of "fear and smear" attacks and urged them
to turn their focus to the problems facing voters Tuesday as an effort by
anti-Kerry Vietnam veterans continued to roil the presidential campaign.
"My duty, as I understand it, is to be a president
and commander in chief who finds
the truth and tells the truth instead of misleading the American people," Kerry said to
several hundred supporters in the city where Republicans will nominate Bush for
re-election next week. "My duty is to be a president who tells the truth instead of
hiding behind front groups, saying anything and doing anything to avoid the real issues
that matter like jobs, health care and the war in Iraq."
Daniel W in Colorado Springs
Your stickers came back to me.
The PO says your envelope has the wrong address.
Marty's Entertainment Page
"President Bush is sending aid to Florida after
Not to help the people but to fix the crooked voting machines."
Subject: read this again
Bart, you wrote,
> No, they stole power to Enron the world the way they did California
Can't you find a proof reader?
A third grader could correct most of the stuff.
Don, not sure what you want from me.
That's exactly what I intended to say.
If you disagree, maybe you should say something besides, "read that again."
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on Kerry Dishonors G.O.P.
by Joe Conason
Within the past week, the chief eyewitness against Mr. Kerry was thoroughly discredited.
Larry Thurlow, the former Swift boat captain who claims that there was no enemy fire on
the day when Mr. Kerry won his Bronze Star, turns out to have won his own Bronze Star
in the same March 13, 1969, firefight. Confronted with that fact, Mr. Thurlow lamely retorted
that he didn't remember what his own medal commendation stated about the incident. Did he
never notice that his Bronze Star included the "combat V" for valor - which can only be
awarded for bravery under enemy fire?
I'll keep it short.
Iraq is not and was not a backward Muslim country.
That's what BUSH thinks.
Disappointed to hear you say it.
Kit, you could be right - has anyone told the Sunnis and the Shiites?
Bush's American soldier body count in Iraq
966 dead American soldiers.
Forgive me for counting Bush's victims.
"I know what I'm doing when it comes to winning
--The Butcher of Baghdad, Attribution
Subject: Re: Alice Cooper
Personally, I agree with you--but Alice
is entitled to his opinion!
Down with Bush!
Producer - 'Nights with Alice Cooper'
Dave, there's nothing I can do to stop Cooper from having ill-informed
but it was he who basically said artists should shut up and sing.
Thanks for the note,
Questions about Bush's Guard service unanswered
Why did Bush stop flying?
What explains the apparent gap in the president's Guard service in 1972-73,
Did Bush receive preferential treatment in getting in despite poor qualifying scores and arrests?
Wait, let's not question the idiot, drunken deserter - let's attack the war hero, instead.
Young men should remember - if you go to Iraq and get seriously
in the year 2028 the GOP will call you "a lying asshole" for "faking" your missing legs.
be on BartCop Radio?
If so, make the call.
Do you have an opinion?
Then listen for your call on...
You have two minutes to record your message.
Today in History
• In 1825, Uruguay declared independence from France.
• In 1875, Matthew Webb became the first person to swim across Atlantic in 322 hours.
• In 1916, the National Park Service was established. In 2006, Bush opened it for oil drilling.
• In 1921, the United States signed a peace treaty with Canada.
• In 1943, U.S. forces overran New Georgia in southern USSR and seized Russia's breadbasket.
• In 1944, Paris was liberated by the French Underground after four years of Nazi occupation.
• In 1950, Truman ordered the Army to seize control of the nation's breweries to avert a beer strike.
• In 1981, V-ger II came within 63,000 miles of The Enterprise, sending back pictures of Kirk without his wig.
• In 1984, author Truman Capote was found dead in the nude in Marylin Monroe's home in Los Angeles.
• In 1994, the Senate passed Clinton's crime
bill, which put 100,000 cops on the street.
In 2002, Bush defunded the program to give another giant tax cut to his super-rich friends.
Subject: cool it baby
Your website really stinks.
It is boring as hell and the humor is very lame and totally partisan.
At least a third of that sentence is true.
I think that it stinks because all you clowns have hooey between your ears.
No, not really, ...and what an odd thing
Your website should change its name to fartcrap.com. That would be the perfect name for it.
Perfect is what way? I fail to see
the benefit of such a name change.
Your website only appeals to the imbeciles and morons who always vote for the Democratic Party.
...funny we ran into you here.
These skanks hate President Bush so much that anything that is said against him is considered valid
No, actually ...just the negative things.
By the way, can you suggest anything positive the governor has done?
...and any joke made about him is considered funny.
Dude, me too!
That's two for you!
You get them, too?
Yes, it's damn hard to do a joke about your
Monkey that isn't damn funny.
Pinheads like you are looking for a free ride through life.
Pinheads like you are looking for a hard,
expensive ride thru life?
You clowns stand for nothing and believe in anything that allows you to indulge yourselves.
I could make you cry in a live chat room
in under 8 minutes.
Gotny free time?
When are you people going to grow up and
Right after "you people" learn what a question mark is.
Monday night and Tuesday were bad times for me.
Monday night, switching from channel to channel, I kept seeing
footage of Kerry
and Edwards begging Bush to please play fair and I became very depressed.
I went into a rage and wrote an issue that surely would've cost me dozens of subscribers.
Watching Kerry and Edwards begging turned my stomach so I didn't
sleep Monday night.
It's a damn good thing BCR Show 51 was already in the can, because it would've been
a whole lot worse hearing it than reading it - and ugly can get real ugly sometimes.
Then Tuesday afternoon, I opened a package from my good friend
He sent an upgrade to a favorite live Zeppelin concert - April 28, 1977 in Cleveland.
It was a super-hot night for the band, including their premier of Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker.
You've never heard Nutcracker until you've heard it by Bonham, Page and JP Jones.
Bonham on drums was like a batallion of Panzer tanks, Page is always a madman and Jones
was playing three parts at once, right hand, left hand and his feet were flying on the bass pedals.
I might put that in BCR Show 52 which might be up as early as tonight.
But that put me back in a good mood and the next time I turned
on the TV the cable whores
had stopped playing the groveling footage so I'm back to "normal" and ready to resume the fight.
Please guys, act like men and stop begging the BFEE to play nice, would you?
Use this portal
and they'll send bartcop.com
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
Copyright © 2004, bartcop.com
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51 is here
Oh yeah, ...there's some language in this show.
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28 minutes of Bart, Maher and Malloy
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29 minutes Bart, Maher and Malloy
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27 minutes Bart, Maher and Malloy
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30 minutes of Tally, Bart, Maher, Clay, Pryor and Malloy
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Shirley, she looks good in soap bubbles
Shrl, call The BartPhone,
just to say "Hi!"
Plus, leave an e-mail address and I'll make you a BartCop Member - for free!
You can call the Bart-Phone at 918-748-1714
That would be really cool, and we'll catch you in Vegas at The Joint on your next American tour.
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