Vol 218 - The Dead Don't Always Die

 June 24-25, 2000

 Woke up 'is mornin', got myself some corn
  thankin' the Keeper, fallettin' me be born
 Woke up 'is mornin', Chinaco in my hands
  crank up the Nak, gonna hear my favorite bands
  party under a black sky, blue agave in my eye

 Some Led, some Pink, maybe some U2
  a friendly Jersey family, prob-ly Season Deux
 Salsa, chicken, salad, ...a salty garlic stick
  salsa, wowie, (cough, cough) ...learnin' some new tricks
  party under a black sky, blue agave in my eye

 Woke up 'is mornin', got myself some corn
  wine, woman and song, much more than the norm
 Seems like it's all here, fighting off the bore
  how do I like it how do I like it more more more
  party under a black sky, blue agave in my eye


The Shortest E-Mail ever to bartcop.com

From: john_l_pettit@web-runner.com

Subject:
 
 
 


 Red Faced Mail

 From: bsutherland@ohiohistory.org

 Subject: So, the rumor is true.

 Dennis Miller in the booth!
 What a rumor!

 So does that mean smirk will be president?

 Ha ha!

 Brandon
 

 Sure, I plead guilty to the knee-jerk, first-reaction bad quess.
 Or, like the Pigboy, I could predict just the obvious and claim victory every time.

 In my pitiful defense,
 that was a "can't-be" gut reaction because,
 if we can believe the people talking about it in the sports world,
 things like this just don't happen.

 Miller's news hit me like a Shawn Mosley punch.
 It just didn't seem possible at the time.
 Watching the Gore victory is like watching a glacier slide - slow, but inevitable.

 If there had been time to put money on the Miller appointment, I wooda,
 but it happened too quick.

 But I've got all kinds of time and money to bet on Gore,
 but even the insane ditto-monkey gamblers refuse to bet on Smirk.
 

 ...they know what's coming,



 From:  judy@ezrater.com

 Subject: too funny

 BartCop,
 Check out Salon's Table Talk -- Death Penalty Politics discussion.

 Ending the death penalty would be a piece of cake
 if we had a lottery for everyone arrested in capital cases

  As soon as you are arrested for murder, the first thing you would do is
 draw cards from a hat. The choices for rich and poor, dark or light,
 influential or obscure would be the same:
 1) outright dismissal of the charges;
 2) plea-bargain to lesser charge;
 3) full-blown trial.

  If you draw the trial option, you would then draw another card:
 1) expensive private lawyer and three investigators;
 2) competent, gung-ho public defender;
 3) sleepy, corrupt, soon-to-be-disbarred public defender who you
    will meet the day before the trial

  For your final card:
 1) judge who believes and rules along hoary constitutional guidelines
     that say you're innocent until proved guilty;
 2) judge who believes like some Texas Supreme Court justices that
     you must prove you're innocent

 Of course, this lottery would be grossly unfair.

 But for the poor and dark-skinned in Texas, it would be a vast improvement.
 At least they'd have a chance of getting a fair hearing.

 Judy Erensoy


 From: sabutai@ix.netcom.com

 Subject: Great Bill Maher Quote

"George W is not that bright. I asked him recently,
 'Have you ever had an SUV?'

 And he said,
 'No, but it's a good idea to get tested.'''

 Bill Maher


 Mail Bag

 From: Paulwetor@aol.com

 Subject: Here's An Idea

 Maybe politicians should look like Nascar drivers,
 with sponsor logos all over their suits.
 

 ha ha

 That's the best (profane word) idea I've heard this year!
 That way, Gore's suit would say,
 "Teachers,  unions, blacks,  middle-class, immigrants,
   gays, intellectuals,  working people, single moms and poor folk."

 Smirk's suit would say,
 "Big Cancer, Big Oil, NRA, Bob Jones, Coathanger Coalition, KKK and the CCC!"
 

 That way, the dittoheads who read would have to admit who's propping up Smirk.


 Feedback

 From:  bluesgun@bpsinet.com

 Subject: re:stupid voters guide

 I just read "the latest"  and came to the stupid voters guide .
 well bc, it looks like you have produced another great issue
 except for the "bonus" at the end of that particular column.

 the real bonus will be that Al will keep Evan , because he is smarter
 than Al and Hillary and Bill all put together, and is better looking to boot.
 evan also has no nasty skeletons lurking in his closets which means landslide in 2008.
 the fact that I am a hoosier didn't sway this opinion any.
 ha ha

 oh yeah you probably saw it already but our Dem. Gov. just suspended the 5% gas tax
 here in basketball land , who'd a thunk it, took a liberal governor to get a tax break .

 bluezgun
 

 Bluezgun,

 Smarter than Al?
  Maybe.
 Smarter than Bill?
  Doubtful.
 Smarter than Hillary?
  ha ha

 By the way, thanks to Clinton, the Democrats
 have become the party of fiscal responsibility.


Another Republican Hatchet Job
 The latest leaked charges against Al Gore are more
 the product of partisan politics than any new hard evidence.
 By my good friend Joe Conason

Click  Here


From:  silly@freeality.com

Subject:  Do you and your wife "swing"?

Blonde Girl
 

Blonde Girl,

Yes, if Sean Connery and Angie Harmon ask, we do.


Rick the Lick's Positive Campaign

"She's not going to destroy this life," Lazio said of the First Lady.

"And she's not going to destroy any New Yorkers' lives," Lazio said of the First Lady.

"The Clinton camp has got to answer for itself," Lazio said of the First Lady.

"The people of New York will judge her behavior,"  Lazio said of the First Lady.

"This campaign has been brutal," Lazio said of the First Lady.

"She's trying to drag me through the mud," Lazio said of the First Lady.

"I'm not going to let her do it," Lazio said of the First Lady.

"The other camp is about tearing people down," Lazio said of the First Lady.

.
The Securities and Exchange Commission is investigating how  The Lick
made a quick $14,000 profit on options buying Quick & Reilly stock.
Lazio invested $2,300 and sold his options, after the phone call, for $16,000.

The Clinton campaign yesterday unveiled a new TV ad hammering Lazio
for skipping a key vote last week that could have lowered state oil prices,
proving Lazio doesn't care about New Yorkers as much as Hillary.

ha ha

Even as the commercial was set to hit the airwaves, Lazio was AWOL
for more votes in Congress so he could attend fund-raisers in New York.


 

 Christ, I'm gonna miss him next year...


 From:  BenLett@netscape.net

 Subject: Perdiction

 You wrote:

 >The conventions will change everything.
 >Smirk's cocaine arrest photos will change everything..
 >Pat Buchanan will change everything.
 >The debates will change everything,

 Does each thing change the thing before it??
 Does this mean everything is in chaos?

 Benjamin Lett
 

 Benjamin,

 It's going to look like a boxing match in slow motion.
 I wish I could remember the opponent, but just before his decline started,
 when he still had his all magic, Sugar Ray Leonard was fighting some guy
 and hit him with a vicious left-right-left combination that dropped the guy.
 (Might've been Ayub Kalule...? African dude with muscles...)

 But if you rewind the tape, you see that the guy was knocked out from
 the first left, his eyes rolled in the back of his head and his brain shut off.
 But before his legs had a chance to get the "shut down" e-mail from the brain
 Sugar Ray popped him again, twice - while he was standing there, unconscious.

 I think Smirk's final round will look the same way.
 He's not going to lose a close decision.
 Gore might kill him in the ring.


 Newsmax.com, a company so intent on getting noticed, they make shit up,
 described Dennis Miller this way:

 In a major slap in the face to Rush Limbaugh and the millions of conservatives
 he represents, ABC recently nixed any idea of the celebrated radio host
 appearing as an announcer on "Monday Night Football."

 To add insult to injury, ABC/Disney announced that Dennis Miller,
 a notoriously left-wing comedian...
 

 Why do they keep doing that?
 How left-wing can Miller be if he hates both Clintons, especially Hillary.
 Jesus! Did you see the show he did with Christine Lahti?

 He tore into Hillary like few non-Nazi's ever have, and said he didn't know
 anybody who liked her. Lahti replied, "I do - I know her and I like her - a lot,"
 Miller said, "Christ that took courage after the rant I just did."

 So, once again, this is the fault of the vulgar Pigboy.
 Everybody this side of Tim McVeigh is "notoriously left-wing."

 ...but those newsmax.com bombers are a real hoot.

It's like the Freepers with fewer page turns.
They have the same credibility as Fox News and Tim Russert


 Freeper Mail

Question: Where's our victories, damn it? VANITY

Miscellaneous Miscellaneous Keywords: VANITY, VICTORIES, POLITICAL AND LEGAL BATTLES
Published: 06/23/00 Author: Conservative X (aka Lowbridge)
Posted on 06/23/2000 16:26:53 PDT by Conservative X

A question for all Freepers: Looking over the news this past week, today alone,
has been quite depressing. Elian's family loses court battle, Gov. Pataki in New York
pushes through outrageous gun control laws, Independent Counsel finds that Hillary lied
but chooses to let her slide, Janet Reno promises to investigate Gore...at her own slow pace,
Republican Party giving us only RINO's after RINO's to vote for,
Dennis Miller get's Monday Night Football job...over Rush Limbaugh, etc., etc.

But, my question to everybody is:
WHERE AND WHEN DO WE START TO WIN POLITICAL AND LEGAL BATTLES
LIKE THESE AND WIN THIS OFTEN????
 

Let's draw straws.
The loser tells him the bad news about Nov 7th.

ha ha

I feel a little better, don't you?


Hey!
That looks like Susie Molinari's bong!

ha ha


 Caution: Bush Voter Crossing

 From: Darkspyre@aol.com

 Subject: You are a dumbass

 Your website is gay, but so are you probably. Are you too stupid to realize
 that Bush could do NOTHING to save that black murdering bastard?

 He does something that fool faggot Clinton could never do,
 uphold the laws of the people who elected him.

 The black murdering bastard had already had his stay of execution,
 and had many many many many many appeals, which turned up nothing.

 Stop your cry baby whining you pinko liberal bastard AHAHAHAHAHA
 ....the fucking bastard is dead.   He deserved it.
  Get over it loser.

 Fuck off
 

 So when I vote for Gore, I'll cancel out your vote?
 It's my duty to do my duty.



 June 23, 2000

 I had reason to re-visit  Volume 119.

 I usually don't recommend cruising the archived issues,
 but if you were gonna, you might check out Volume 119.


 Codicil - Not mentioned earlier, the lack of a suicide motive.

 The day Reeves died, he was told Superman  was going back into production
 and that he would be directing some episodes, something he really wanted.
 Odd time to check out, don't you think?
 

 By any chance, did you see "Downtown 20/20" last night?
 They investigated the murder of George Reeves, TV's first Superman.

 Their brilliant conclusion?
 It was suicide.

 Fair enough, but they failed to explain how, after shooting himself in the
 temple with a Luger, Reeves was able to wipe his fingerprints off the gun.
 Besides no fingerprints on the gun,
 no powder burns were on George's head wound.
 No powder burns were found on his hands.
 The spent shell was found underneath his body.
 The gun was found between his feet.
 The bullet was recovered from the ceiling.
 Two other bullet holes were found in the bedroom floor
 and the bullets themselves were recovered from the living room below.
 However, only one bullet was missing from the gun's magazine.
 So the other bullets were fired earlier and two bullets were replaced.

 But if Baba Wawa and Diane the whore say it happened that way,
 we should trust the press because they're honest, right?

 Christ, we can't figure out who killed the Kennedy's,
 so why would anyone think we can get the truth in thiscase?


 Partisan Bastard Quotes

 "With respect to Mrs. Clinton, there was substantial evidence that she
 had a "role" in the decision to fire the travel office employees,
 but the evidence was insufficient to prove it to a jury beyond a doubt.

 Hey, asshole!
 There's PROOF that Nancy's fucking astrologer had a "role" in the delay of
 the signing of the Reyjavik treaty, but the Democrats didn't try to jail her over it.
 Only a party of impotent sons-of-bitches would consider imprisoning a First Lady.

 Do me a favor: Go after Bill in eight months, when he's free to defend himself.
 We've witnesses a few lite Clinton workouts, but we've never really seen him fight.

 I., for one, would pay to watch that.


 Strange Racist Quotes

         He shoots...
"Hillary could announce that she's pregnant with
 Louis Farrakhan's baby and her numbers wouldn't change."
   --"independent" pollster John Zogby, (R-prick)

        He scores...
"I didn't even know Hillary was sleeping with Farrakhan,"
  -- tens of thousands of Rush ditto-monkeys


 Paul Begala Shoots the Bull

 Janet Reno has approved more independent and special counsels than any
 Attorney General in history -- calling for investigations of the President,
 the First Lady, the Secretary of Commerce, the Secretary of Agriculture,
 the Secretary of HUD, the Secretary of Labor, the Secretary of the Interior,
 and probably more that I've forgotten. To accuse her of "protecting"
 a Democratic Administration is nonsense.

 By the way, let's look at the scorecard: The President and First Lady have
 been cleared by the Independent Counsel in the two reports he's issued thus far.
 And even Ken Starr could not find any charges to bring in the Whitewater matter.
 Agriculture Secretary Mike Espy was cleared by a jury. Housing Secretary Henry
 Cisneros pleaded guilty to one minor charge involving how much financial support
 he gave to his mistress long before he was in the Cabinet.

 Labor Secretary Alexis Herman has been cleared by her independent counsel, as
 was Interior Secretary Bruce Babbitt. Lord knows how many tens of millions of
 dollars have been spent in these investigations -- and how many sleepless nights
 their innocent targets suffered.

 But the politics of personal destruction keeps marching on, fed by a media-political
 culture whose appetite for scandal -- real or imagined -- is insatiable.


It was 1974, and Hank Aaron was rounding the bases having just smashed
home run No. 715 over the right-field fence. As cannons in the outfield fired
to celebrate the shattering of Babe Ruth's record, Aaron's mother ran onto
the field and into the arms of her son, tears brimming in her eyes.

Mrs. Aaron wasn't just proud of her son.
There's a darker story behind the story.
She rushed the plate because she thought her son had been shot.

As Aaron closed in on Ruth's "Record That Couldn't Be Broken,"
Aaron and his family were on the receiving end of death threats

"My grandmother thought someone was shooting at Daddy," Gaile Aaron said.
"And she was holding him like that because she was saying if they're gonna
 kill him, we're gonna go down together. She was going to go down with him."

The Braves assigned a bodyguard to protect him. His daughter had a posse of
undercover agents orbiting her every move at Fisk Univeristy in Nashville.
Armed guards escorted her younger siblings to school in Atlanta.

To this day, Aaron won't ride in a convertible.
He doesn't want to give an assasin an easy shot.
 

From a book by Sandy Tolan
Me and Hank: A Boy and His Hero 25 Years Later

It's rare that I'm ashamed to be an American.
But when that happens, it's almost always over a
religious conservative trying to murder a black man.


Breaking News...

Court to Marisleazes: Whiner, get a life!


 


 Millermania

"No one is more full of himself, or, for that matter, more full, than Rush Limbaugh,"
 Dennis Miller recently said of the nation's top Nazi pig.

 Pigboy fights back:

"Rush is too controversial? And Miller is not? Miller uses the 'F-word' every chance
 he gets on his HBO show. Has this guy been vetted?"
 asked one Limbaugh supporter, digging for dirt on Miller.

 Miller's recent comments have caused immediate outrage among Limbaugh fans.

"Limbaugh is emblematic of what's wrong with the medium," rants Miller.

"I don't have all that much to say about Rush Limbaugh, because Al Franken
 already wrote a book that cut him into ten million pieces,
 each of which weighed roughly half a pound."

During a Comic Relief concert, Miller gave a 'thumbs-up' when
host Whoopi Goldberg called Limbaugh a "fat asshole."


 Great Batman-extras Quotes

 "I see a lot of Texas oil companies having skyrocketing profits at
  the same time all of us are paying huge increases at the pump.
  That might make Smirk more popular in Texas, but not in the other 49 states."

  -- Sen. Patrick J. Leahy (D-Vt.)


 Miller-gate

 From: wezeldog@gate.net

 Subject: Monday Night Miller

 The local sports station here (620WDAE) thinks that ABC never intended to let
 Rush in the booth. The theory goes like this: ABC wanted to put a non-football type
 in the booth. They knew that if they asked Rush to audition, the windbag would
 spend months yakking it up. That softened up America for Dennis.

 I'll watch a Redskin/Atlanta game. I can't wait for Miller to slip up, though.
 He does get paid by the fuck, you know....

 ha ha

 He does not!
 That was Rabbi Schlessinger's pay in the early days...



Besides Dennis Miller, the sports pages are teeming with reports
that Mike Tyson assaulted his fight promoter in Scotland.

Didn't   bartcop.com  have that story last week?

...and will this fight (Showtime Tomorrow night) be competitive
not that "Iron Mike" Tyson has taken to wearing lil' checked skirts?


 


A Closer Look at the Death Penalty
 by Christian Mitchell

Click  Here


 24 Hours of Dennis Miller

  Dennis Miller attacks the vulgar Pigboy in his book:

 "Hey, the only thing greater than America's love affair with
  talk radio is the love affair the hosts seem to have with themselves.
  Limbaugh articulates the blindingly white anger
  of every short-sleeved Wal-Mart assistant manager
  who's outraged by a black kid calling him by his first name."
 

 Tonight's Dennis Miller Show should be interesting.
 He's gotta know that millions of curious viewers will be
 tuning in to see what this new guy is like.

 Will he tone down the profanity to please the new bosses?
 Will he become "mainstream Dennis?"
 Will he turn whore for ABC?

 Right now, Miller is the second-funniest man in America,
 but he has something that even Chris Rock doesn't have.
 Watch his show tonight.
 When a joke bombs, he refuses to accept it.

 He'll either glare back at the crowd and explain where he meant
 to go with that joke or he'll apologize and say, "I told the writers
 just before I walked out here that that joke would fuck me over."
 Nobody else can do that.

 Dave used to, back when he still had that edge.
 Dave used to double-over like he'd been hit in the stomach when a joke bombed,
 but he's stopped doing that when he won that $42,000,000 comedy lottery.
 Bill Maher has great writers, but he's not a comedian.
 When a Leno formula joke bombs, he panics and goes right into the next formula joke.
 But not Dennis.

 He'll stand there with his joke and fuck with it, play with it and make it his bitch.
 Even Carson at his prime couldn't do that.


 Smirk's vision for black America.

......


 From:  blonde_redhead00@hotmail.com

 Subject: question about the polls

 Hey Bartcop,
 I noticed a link to a site that claimed Bushy's lead doubled over
 the death penalty issue. I'm suspicious of that claim though,
 When you go to this site:

 http://www.gallup.com/election2000/issues.htm

 you'll see the Gore leads in most major issues. And according to the Gallup
 people the race is close: 48% choose Bush, 44% choose Gore. Even Zogby,
 Pig-butt's favorite, has them close; Bush at 49%, Gore at 41%.

 Like you said, the horse race hasn't started yet, so I equate these pre-race numbers
 to being kinda like Vegas figuring out the odds of who'll win. Yet I've heard guys like
 Hannity and Steve Malzberg(local NYC guy) on talk radio crowing about how the
 Repo is ahead.

 My question is: Do you think these guys are celebrating prematurely,
 or do you think they've got reason to be happy?

 Regis
 

 Regis, this is the closest they've come to a win since November 1988.
 Their good news is Smirk hasn't lost yet!
 They'd be crazy not to pretend.

 One of the advantages to getting old is memory retention.
 In 1992 and 1996, Rush explained every day to his sheep that the Democrats
 were in "abject panic" because we knew in our hearts" we were going to lose.

 In 1992, Rush did one of his "creation-science" polls that had Bush at 91 percent
 and the dope-smoking, draft-dodging, skirt-chasing KGB agent at 7 percent.
 He was so shocked when Clinton won.

 The conventions will change everything.
 Smirk's cocaine arrest photos will change everything..
 Pat Buchanan will change everything.
 The debates will change everything,

 Halloween is the time to get spooked.
 If Smirk is ten points ahead on October 31, that'd mean
 Smirk has a 50/50 chance to be our next president.


Dennis Miller's anti-Hillary Rant

Hillary

Ah, Hillary. What can you say about Hillary Clinton that hasn't
already been muttered under somebody else's breath?

Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but love Hillary Clinton
or hate her, you'd better get used to her because, like a retired Celine Dion,
she's not going away any time soon.

Now, traditionally the role of the First Lady has been maintaining an
inviting atmosphere at the White House and then picking a special pet project
to keep her occupied. Jackie Kennedy chose celebrating the arts,
Lady Bird Johnson the environment. Hillary Clinton's pet project?
Total world domination.

Look, I won't lie to you. This country has a deep fear and mistrust of strong, smart,
accomplished, outspoken women unless they're sexy 22-year-olds killing vampires on television.
But what do we really know about Hillary, other than that she's had more make overs
than Sammy "The Bull" Gravano's wife?

Well, for one thing, we know Hillary is an insanely loyal spouse.
I don't understand how she can be in the same house as Bill without wacking him
in the nuts with a polo mallet every time he falls asleep on the couch.

But the Clintons are a rare breed. For many people the idea of running for office,
forcing the public to choose whether they like you or not, would be a nightmare.
But Hillary and Bill need the assurance that 46% of the country loves them, and the other 54%
is out to get them. That's why I'm different. I know all of you like me. Right? Don't you?

[HIT APPLAUSE SIGN, SHOW APPLAUSE SIGN ON CAMERA]

See, I knew I was right.

Bill and Hillary possess that rare blend of grade A Machiavellian caginess combined
with the luck of a two-time Powerball winner. Who but the Clintons could see one of
their opponents bow out of a senate race plagued by, of all things, charges of marital infidelity?
I'm sure when reports about Giuliani's mistress surfaced, the Clintons laughed so hard
they could almost hear each other from across the hall in their separate bedrooms.

Now, critics have asked why Hillary chose to run in New York instead of Arkansas.
You know, I think it has something to do with Arkansas being in Arkansas.

But New York? Who does she think she's fooling? Hillary Clinton actually had to go
on a listening tour to find out what the residents of New York want. C'mon, you can't
spend fifteen seconds with a New Yorker without discovering not only what he wants,
but who he wants dead and when he was last operated on. And believe it or not,
New Yorkers are buying it. She's actually working her magic on a bunch of people
who pride themselves on the fact that they cannot be snookered. I can only assume
this is karma for fucking the Indians over on that bead thing.

I can't believe they can't see how phony she is. Don't they see through those perfectly
prepared speeches, where every brittle smile has been pre-programmed to last exactly
the right number of seconds to express humility without veering off into self-doubt?
You know what I want? I want to see if she can tell me her home phone number.
I want her to tell me what's in her refrigerator, or what her mailman's name is,
or when she last parallel parked a fucking car. I want her to tell me about the life
she does lead rather than the life she thinks I should lead.

Anyway, here's how I think it's going to play out in November and beyond.
Hillary wins the Senate seat in New York. Now, you would think she wants Gore
to be the next President, but she actually needs Bush to win. Then the Clinton machine
starts a back-channel campaign attacking Bush for the next four years.

Bush is such a massive nitwit that he won't seal the deal for reelection in 2004,
so Hillary runs against Dopey and becomes the great white female hope.
Then we begin to think, if we can elect the son of a President,
why the hell not the wife of a president? Next thing you know,
Bill's back cruising trim in the West Wing without any of that bullshit
running-the-country-thing to get in the way, plus, this now gives the Clintons
eight years to get the 22nd Amendment repealed and get themselves sworn in
as the fucking King and Queen of America... Hey, just you watch.

Now, I generally don't subscribe to the grossly sexist theory that women who seek power
are secretly compensating for something that's missing from their lives, but in Hillary's case
it's so pathetically obvious. I guarantee you, if Bill Clinton flies home this week from Europe,
stops in Manhattan long enough to pick up a couple dozen long-stemmed roses,
a bottle of Cristal and a La Perla negligee, then heads up to Chap-a-qua, glides in through
the front door, slaps a little Francis Albert Sinatra on the CD player, picks Hillary up in his arms
like he's Richard Gere and she's Deborah Winger in a paper mill, carries her up the stairs,
and spends the rest of the weekend showing her exactly what his definition of "is" is,
well, my friends, I think Rick Lazio will be running for the Senate unopposed.

Of course, that's just my opinion. I could be wrong.
 

As Clinton-haters go,
Miller is one of the funniest.


A Change-up from the mound of BrainSmasher

Click  Here


 Dennis Miller is a bad, bad man?

 I was sort of hoping "MNF" would pick Rush Limbaugh. Can't you picture
 the conservative castigator explaining the single-wing offense (right wing, of
 course) and ripping Washington (the government, not the Redskins)?
 Obviously, there must have been some secret plot by Al Gore, the Trilateral
 Commission and a band of (bleeping) feminazis to deny Rush his rightful spot,
 hovering above Giants Stadium before a New York-Dallas matchup.

 Instead, we get Dennis Miller, a cynical know-it-all from some pay-cable
 network, which built its subscription base with topless chicks and a
 bottom-feeding vocabulary. Based on Miller's HBO vulgarity, he's more
 suited for a head coaching job. Hey, Dennis, the only four-letter word you get
 to say on "MNF" is: Punt. The ABC censor ought to be getting a big raise,
 since the former "Saturday Night Live" news anchor is famed for doing the
 40-word expletive in 4.3 seconds. The poor bleep.
 

 Bill Keveney is The Charlotte Observer's TV/radio writer.


 Lazio Denounces Investment Probe
  By Marc Humbert, AP Writer

 ALBANY, N.Y. (AP) - The Lazio campaign accused the Clinton administration of
 "abusing federal authority'' after the SEC said it would investigate the congressman's
 "incredible luck" with stock option trading with supporters.

 Lazio, denied any wrongdoing and said he will cooperate.

 But while Lazio talked cooperation, campaign manager Bill Dal Col went on the attack.
"The Clinton administration has a long history of abusing federal authority and using
 government bureaucracies to attack their political opponents,'' Dal Col said Thursday.
"Today, they reached a new low.''

Clinton campaign spokesman Howard Wolfson said,
"Desperate candidates make desperate charges.''

 ha ha

Welcome to the big leagues, Ricky!
Consider the good news.
She's letting you live as long as you're not a threat.


Cardinals slugger Mark McGwire further etched his name in history on Thursday,
belting his 548th career homer on Thursday to tie Mike Schmidt for seventh on the
all-time list. He has 26 this season, tying him with San Francisco's Barry Bonds
for the National League lead. He should pass Reggie sometime in late July.


 Rant

 From: jferguson7@hotmail.com

 Subject: Trashing Hillary

 I'm so incredibly sick of Al Gore and Hillary Clinton being accused
 of  "pandering" every time they reach out to a constituency beyond
 white middle class voters that I could wretch. George W. Bush speaks a few
 words in Spanish and he's lauded as a new kind of Republican. But let Al
 Gore or Hillary Clinton respond to the concerns of legitimate groups within
 the Democratic party and they're pandering. George W. Bush is a shallow,
 unfeeling, idiotic, unprepared, inexperienced empty suit, and if he's
 elected president will cater to those who have put him where he is (the big
 oil companies, the big funeral companies, major polluters and the crazy
 right wing). And the fools in the media give this guy a free pass because
 he's a good backslapper!

 This is a guy who puts potentially innocent people to death with barely a
 second thought--actually, probably with a snicker or a smirk. This is a guy
 who claims to be an environmentalist but presides over the most polluted
 cities in the nation. This is a guy who claims to care about education but
 presides over one of the worst places in the country to raise children.
 This is a guy who speaks a few words of Spanish while consigning the poor
 Hispanics in his state to substandard housing, education and medical care.

 When will the media fools wake up and realize what a threat the affable
 Bush Jr. presents to the well being of our nation? But then again, why
 should they? He takes care of them, doesn't he? The food's good and they
 get to sport goofy nicknames that he assigns them. And when he's in the
 White House, they won't have to feel dumber than the president any more!

 J. Ferguson


 To a reporter's question about Rush Limbaugh's well-publicized groveling to
 become one of the analysts, ABC's MNF producer Don Ohlmeyer said,
 "Rush was someone I considered seriously because he communicates so well
 with 20 million people a day. [He means per week -Ed.] But he has
 a commitment to do three hours a day, five days a week, on his radio show.''

 Ohlmeyer didn't rule out Pigboy doing "guest appearances'' during the season.

 Miller would be unable to contain himself!


 Yesterday sure was a busy day for news.

  says he doesn't have any evidence to charge Hillary with anything.

  was nominated for his own Cock Hunt.  Congrats to Al!
 

  this man got a chubby killing this man 
 

...but the big news of the day was - the corn came in!
It's soooooooooooooo good, too.

Oooohhhhhhhhhhhhh.....

And it's only going to get better in the next 2-3 weeks.
I've never had fresh corn with Chinaco tequila before.
Those two pieces of heaven must have some shared chemical base
that cause the orgasm centers in the brain to release C8H11NO2.

Fresh Bixby, OK Merit corn-on-the-cob or Chinaco tequila...
Which tastes better?

I'll be able to answer that Monday.



 From:  theyeesterbunny@email.msn.com

 Subject: Bush Doubles Lead Over Gore

  http://dailynews.yahoo.com/h/ap/20000622/ts/campaign_polls_2.html

 What the hell is this about?
 Why is AG losing so badly in the polls?

  theyeesterbunny
 

 Yeester,

 After my Dennis Miller  Trust me on this  I'm a little gun-shy about explaining
 anything today, but it's my opinion Gore has everything under control.

 Besides, this race hasn't even started.
 If Gore is ten points down with three weeks to go in the election,  worry.
 But this is a horse race in the truest sense. They don't give you
 a blanket of roses for being first at the beginning of the race.
 You only get the roses when you cross the finish line.

 Dukakis was 18 points ahead of Smirk's daddy in 1988 - and lost.

 I remember in 1994, when everybody was telling me how Clinton's numbers
 were in the 40's and he didn't have a chance in 1996. I told them the trick
 to winning is having your low numbers when there wasn't an election.

 The conventions will change everything.
 Smirk's cocaine arrest photos will change everything..
 Pat Buchanan will change everything.
 The debates will change everything, trust me.

 Whoops!



 El Pigbo ought to be a riot today.

 You watch, he'll claim he never wanted Monday Night Football.
 He'll say he was just kidding.

 ha ha

 How gracious will he be towards Dennis Miller?
 No matter how upbeat he pretends to be,
 you know his gut is really going to be churning.

 Rush, if you weren't so damn hated my the vast majority, you might've had
 a chance, but you fucked off any reputation for decency years ago.

 Tell us how it isn't fair, Rush!

 ha ha


 Letter to the Editor

 From: marc@perkel.com

 Execution brings shame on Justice

 I support the death penalty in that I believe that there is a legitimate
 place in society for the execution of some people who murder other
 people. But the execution of Gary Graham in Texas was an act that
 brings shame upon our justice system and our nation as a whole as
 we put to death a man who is most likely innocent of the crime.

 In this case we have a situation where the weapon found on Mr. Graham
 did not match the one used to kill the victim, and several eye witnesses,
 who were never called by the defense to testify, said that Mr. Graham
 was not the person who committed the murder. I find it very troubling
 that we have executed a person where the witnesses at the scene never
 testified and the gun did not match the bullet.

 I believe that before we use the death penalty that we should be pretty
 darn sure we're executing the right person. This case doesn't get
 anywhere close to pretty darn sure. What this execution shows us is
 that we have a judicial system that is sloppy and incompetent and
 that at least 5 pout of 9 members of the United States Supreme Court
 who voted against staying the execution believe that it's OK for the
 government to kill people even when serious questions are raised as
 to whether or not we are killing an innocent person.

 This execution was a test between justice and process. When the gun
 doesn't match the bullet, justice demands at least a stay of execution.
 But our courts put process ahead of justice and they take the position
 that it is more important to be procedurally correct and that people
 should die to preserve the procedure. I say that it is morally wrong
 to put procedure ahead of justice and that our courts should no longer
 use the word "justice" when they kill people to conceal the misconduct
 of prosecutors. Gary Grahams blood is on our hands because we as a
 society tolerate the corruption of our courts and allow this to occur.

 Marc Perkel
 Republican Candidate for United States Senate for the State of Missouri


 From: kishrandy@hotmail.com

 Subject:  George W. Bush
 

 Conservatives, especially Smirk, consider government to be:

1. Inefficient
2. Overly bureaucratic
3. Incapable of making good decisions ("I'd think the American people know
    what's best for the American people, not some Washington bureaucrat.")
4. Rife with liberal, candy-ass, feel-good, criminal-coddling, power hungry, leeches.

 Funny though, the one thing that all conservatives, especially BUSH,
 think that the government can do without fault, error, or mistake is
 ...is...EXECUTE A BLACK MAN.

 Yeah, the government is fucked up and stupid,
 but it can kill a poor negro without fault.

 If the government can't be trusted to manage Social Security,
 how can we trust it to manage killing a man???

 Randy


 GOP convention city adopts anti-mask law
  By David Morgan

 PHILADELPHIA (Reuters) - The City Council, wary of the potential for violent
 protests during the Republican Convention, adopted an anti-mask ordinance
 modeled on a Georgia law aimed at combating the Ku Klux Klan.

 After a 40-minute debate, council members voted 11-5 to make it illegal for anyone
 to wear a mask with the intent of threatening or intimidating another person.
 Violators would face a $75 fine.

 "We ought to go home today in shame," remarked Councilman David Cohen,
 an opponent of the bill who said its passage could provoke the largest
 demonstrations Philadelphia has ever seen.

 "What is the point of this bill? The point of the bill is to sabotage Philadelphia,
 to make sure we're all on nice behavior ...when the Republicans comes to town."

 The Republican Convention is viewed as a national showcase for Philadelphia
 that could help put the city back on the map of prime convention sites.

 "Nobody's going to be arrested because they're wearing a mask. The punishment is
 for inappropriate behavior," said Councilman Richard Mariano, the bill's author.

 Tens of thousands of people from scores of different activist groups
 are expected to attend a mass demonstration on July 30,
 with protesters expected to travel by bus from as far away as Montreal.

 ha ha

 I gotta get to this convention!
 Somebody hire me!


 Stroke Me, Stroke Me

"In the Republican Party, abortion is a 50/50 issue,
  ...with most people against it."
 

 ha ha

 Rush, take your pills


 The Stupid Voter's Guide to Elections

 There are dozens of mulltion-dollar donkeys who will explain the last 10
 election cycles with useless data and meaningless numbers-juggling.
 They're not telling you what really happened.

 Here are the cold facts in short sentences using small words.
 Every word is 100 percent true, swear to Koresh.

 1960
 Kennedy beat Nixon because Kennedy was seen as a young,
 optimistic fella and Dick looked creepy sweating in the debate.

 1964
 Johnson beat Goldwater because he got good press during the JFK thing,
 and at the time, Goldwater was the right-wing, jack-booted loon from Arizona.
 (In today's climate, he could be Clinton's Secretary of Defense.)

 1968
 After the shooting of president-elect Bobby, Humphrey looked like Johnson II,
 and Nixon promised us a nation of "law and order" and an end to the war

 1972
 With the war winding down...........

 ...........McGovern said, if he had to, he'd crawl to Hanoi on his hands and knees
 to get our POWs back and that looked less presidential than a blow job.

 1976
 Having pardoned Nixon after saying the country wouldn't stand for it, Ford
 couldn't beat Linda Tripp in a race for Lansing dead animal pick-up supervisor.

 1980
 Carter's Misery Index  and the hostages in Iran and Lebanon pissed America off.
 Reagan looked the camera in the eye and said,
 "By God, when I'm president, those middle eastern folks won't even dare
  to think about taking our people hostage anymore.
 He knew that for sure because Casey had already made the spare parts deal.
 (For the record, Iran and Lebanon continued to take hostages)
 America needed a cowboy and Reagan had a hat.

 1984
 Defining debate moment:

 Reagan: I will never raise your taxes.

 Mondale: I will raise your taxes.
                 and so will President Reagan.
                 The difference is  ...I'm telling you the truth.

 Idiot!
 "Honesty and politics" go together like "whiskey and car keys."
 What would possess him to trust the people?
 Idiot!
 If Clinton taught us anything, it's never tell the truth!

 ha ha

 (For the record, Reagan raised taxes, like a gazillion dollars worth  in 1996.
  Reagan the puppet signed whatever papers Bob Dole told him to sign.)

 1988
 ...and this is how this idea came up,

 Bernard under-the-table Shaw asked Dukakis if he'd want to smoke
 his wife's murderer. Liberal Mike got all weepy on us and let his brain
 answer Mr. Wet Pant's question instead of speaking from the heart.
 (Another cardinal rule broken: In politics, never use your brain.)
 Beating Smirk's daddy in a wimp contest wasn't easy, but he did it.

 1992
 Recession? What recession? Bush tired, old, and weak.
 "I will focus like a laser beam on this economy." Clinton energy,
 Bush got beat up, fought the whole campaign on the ropes.

 1996
 The best TV campaigner - ever, going up against a guy wearing
 a Coathanger Coalition S&M dog collar around his neck?
 That guy?

 The guy who called for taggants in milk, because the NRA said "milk kills?"
 The guy who forgot the Dodgers left Brooklyn forty years ago?
 That guy?

 2000
 That Smirk fella is dumber than his Daddy and Bob Dole combined.
 Gore wins in a yawn.
 Democrats get back the House.

 Bonus

 2004
 Gore drops Bayh, asks Hillary to join the ticket so she'll have
 four year's experience when Al retires in 2008.


 An Offer to Debate?

 From: tconnally@earthlink.net

 Subject: came across your site by accident

 but i'm so glad to see tired, old, haggard, alcoholic, chain-smoking,
 wannabe hunter thompsons representing the left these days.

 it's very encouraging to a young, creative, highly-educated, healthy,
 energetic right wing christian such as myself.

 i hope you're stocking up on more booze, cigarettes and bad tv shows
 for when al gore goes down to ignominious defeat this november!

 Good luck!
 Thomas

 Ediotr's Note:
 That's an offer to debate, isn't it?
 Don't you think so?
 I think that's an offer to debate, don't you?
 Yeah, yeah, that's an offer to debate.
 

 ...what do you think his excuse will be?


 Ask BartCop

 From: zeekludo@aol.com

 BartCop,

 You seem to know a little about everything.
 Can you tell me when Major League Baseball is coming back to Philadelphia?

 Zeek
 

 Zeek,

 ha ha
 Cannot predict now.

 BartCop




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