Stroke Me, Stroke Me
El Pigboy keep whining about the "idiocy" of Gore having to
"re-invent" himself after being vice president for 8 years.
I guess he can't remember four years ago, when old Bob Dole
tried to re-invent himself after 34 years on the national stage.
Remember when Bob Dole took off his tie?
(See Volume 25, "Bob Dole Removes Tie")
Rush said that was, "a bold move."
Subject: The big Bush story you have...
The last time you hyped something up in
advance like this was Issue 100.
This isn't going to be another Wizard of Ahhs is it?
Koresh, I hope not.
I'd rather let bartcop.com go dark than go thru that again...
Paul Begala Shoots the Bull
Is Bush a different kind of Republican?
He promises a $1.3 trillion-dollar tax cut, which mostly benefits the rich.
(Oh, there's a different idea for a Republican.) But in Texas, we're learning that
Bush has already squandered most of his state's projected surplus, and can't even
account for where it went. Will he do the same for the federal government: give
huge tax breaks for the rich, then feign surprise when the projected surplus never
materializes and the middle-class is left holding the bag for another Bush deficit?
On the environment, he instituted "voluntary" pollution controls
polluters, and made Houston the city with the dirtiest air in America.
On the minimum wage, he actually favors repealing the federal minimum wage
altogether, by allowing states to decide for themselves whether corporations
in their state must obey it.
The truth is, there is nothing Bush is for in the year 2000 that
Hoover wasn't for in the 30's, Goldwater wasn't for the in 60's, and Reagan
wasn't for in the 80's.
Just like all the Republicans, he wants to privatize Social Security,
cut taxes for
the rich, cripple public education while assisting the academies of the wealthy elite,
restrict environmental protections, roll back the civil rights gains of affirmative action,
and let special interests run the government.
Wow, that's a different kind of Republican, isn't it?
Has Bush ever disagreed with Rev. Jerry Falwell or the NRA or
with Big Business?
Different kind of Republican my Aunt Fannie.
Subject: talk show host!??!!
So I'm flicking through the channels and I see G. Gordon Liddy on Fox Whore.
Caption - Radio Talk Show Host (!!??!!)
Not convicted felon?
Not a man who urinated on the Constitution of the United States??
Labor Organizer/Union Leader?
George Bush Sr.
There they go again
Another reporter has described Bush as a different kind
But, nobody ever asks who are these Republicans, and how is Bush different?
The fawning press never asks Smirk to explain,
so he never has to answer.
I caught a little Herrendo Revolver last night.
He was talking about The Perfect Storm with some of the
real people portrayed
in the movie and some weather experts. One of the weather experts said that
weather fronts move from West to East because of the rotation of the earth.
That reminded me of Smirk's assertion that Houston's smog problems
were the fault of Louisiana's smog blowing into Texas.
I gave a gift for you:
If the wind is blowing from West to East,
(for the creation-geography crowd, that's from left to right)
how did the smog blow against the wind to foul up the Texas air?
Could it be that Smirk is just lying?
Joe Conason gets another hit.
Funny article by Michael Kelly
Subject: Bush Flip-Flop
Has anyone been commenting on Bush's Flip-Flop?
During the primaries we have Bush speaking at
Bob Jones University (BJU ha ha),
supporting the Confederate Flag in South Carolina, vetoing Hate Crimes legislation
in his home state and subjecting more minorities to the death penalty in his state
than all of the other states combined.
During the pre-Convention season GW starts reaching out to minorities
with his message of compassion and inclusion.
The talk in the media has been about Gore flip-flops
and campaign redefinitions.
Jesus Christ - the Bush campaign did a HUGE 180 degree turn right out in plain sight
without a word in the press. Are these whores completely blind?
Dennis, they're not blind, they are just whores.
They're building Smirk up like they did to McCain, trying to make it a race.
As things get closer, if it looks like Smirk might have a chance the press will stab
Smirk in the back like George Stephanopolous did to Clinton.
Great Mormon Quotes
"I was listening to Metallica this morning in my office.
Pretty darn good."
-- Sen. Orrin Hatch, sucking up to Lars, to guffaws.
Subject: major looser
Hey Mr. rocket scientist,
A democrat named Fritz Hollings was the man that put the confederate flag
over the state capital when he was Gov.,and the Republicans voted almost
2 to 1 for affirmative action in the 60's.
So if Frita Hollings was a racist in 1962, it's OK for Smirk to
be racist in 2000?
Maybe that kind of thinking is what's keeping you guys out of the White House.
And if you guys weren't racist in the 60's, why'd you turn?
(Al Gore Sr. and the democrats voted against).
Your cartoon depicts racism...Yes Masser??
I also think it great you show your true looser liberal self asking for some
rich millionaire (ironic) to give you 50 grand so you can get your peon pathetic site
out of the gutter.(looking for handout, whining about people who are successful )
You have a point there.
If my rich dady owned a radio station, and put me behind a microphone
so people couldn't tell I was wearing a dress, I wouldn't need to search for
a partner to invest in freedom-based, anti-fascist counter-rhetoric.
What's the matter can't find a sponsor?
Once again, you are correct.
That offer has been up for a couple of weeks,
and I have yet to hear from a qualified investor.
Get a LOAD of this, from the fun folks at newsmax.com
Brit Hume: America's Most Trusted Journalist
Brit Hume is the most trusted journalist in
according to an online survey of readers of NewsMax.com.
The national survey asked Internet users to vote
for the journalist
who they believe is "the most trusted journalist in America."
A total of 96,217 users responded to the unscientific poll that
was conducted between Dec. 26, 1999, and Jan. 7, 2000.
What a fucking joke!
At least you had the decency to admit it was an unscientific poll.
If you were going to ignore science and logic with your poll, why not just
dismsmber a chicken, then boil the bones, then throw them off the porch
and however the bones land, let that decide who's "most trusted."
Koresh, if only the raw-meat ditto-monkeys at newsmax.com voted,
I'm surprised The Methane Factory didn't end up the champ.
Hume is known for a crisp, matter-of-fact reporting
style that offers
the public a balanced presentation of the news. The American Journalism
Review honored Hume by naming him "The Best in the Business."
What business would that be?
The Clinton Cock Hunt business?
The only way he could be sonsidered "balanced" is if you consider every
news source in America as hopelessy pro-Clinton, then you Cock Hunters
come along with some hopelessly anti-Clinton balance - is that how it works?
"He is the best. In Washington there is no better
than Brit Hume,"
said Arnaud de Borchgrave, CEO of United Press International.
Make him stop!
You're saying EVERY reporter at UPI is worse than Brit Hume?
Koresh, that's a miracle in itself.
No wonder Helen Thomas quit!
De Borchgrave, a director of NewsMax.com,
added that Hume's reporting style
resonates with Americans because "he comes off as a straight and honest reporter.
He's not married to any side, conservative or liberal."
Do you have any idea what you just said?
Hume is about as unbiased as I am.
Would you say, "BartCop is neither conservative or liberal?"
William Rees-Mogg, former editor of the Times
of London and a
member of NewsMax.com's International Advisory Board, said
Hume is an internationally respected journalist.
That part could be true.
I'll bet he's loved in North Korea, Afghanistan, Sudan, and Iraq
for attacking "the devil Clinton" while we had troops in the field.
"There is a perception that the major TV networks
in America were
reporting one view, the liberal East Coast line of thinking," Rees-Mogg said.
"Brit Hume and Fox News give the American people a diversity of views."
I think that "liberal, East Coast" line of thinking is the educated
so yes, Fox Whore News often gives the other side.
"NewsMax.com is proud to name such a remarkable
and fair-minded journalist
as Brit Hume as 'The Most Trusted Journalist in America,'" said Dana Allen,
chairman of NewsMax.com.
You keep repeating "fair and balanced" over and over like a mantra.
Are you trying to make us believe it or yourselves?
Challenge to Rush's DittoHeads:
Can you find an instance on the www where some news organization
goes soooooo far out trying to paint their anchor as "fair and balanced?"
And when you can't,
please explain why this problem is unique to Fox News.
Subject: bob barr doing the j. edgar hoover thingy
Years ago, there was talk of TWO black g.o.p.
j.c. "fetchit" watts and BOB BARR.
i only heard this a couple of times.
and i can't find anything on
the web to substantiate it, but i wonder if anybody else ever heard this
...or was i just inhaling dubya's second-hand bong smoke?!
(dazed and confused in texas)
They talk about it all the time in Barr's district.
We've known about that Barr thing for years,
but we didn't run it because we don't do that kind of story.
Great X-Files Quotes
Mulder: Can you explain that to me?
Scully: God has his reasons.
Mulder: He has his reasons, but He uses a lot of
psychopaths to carry out his wishes.
This Just In...
GOP charges local Democrats with stealing the Mayberry pets.
Local sleuths have a theory about what might've happened.
You know, I've been down on Ol' Lars from Metallica about
but at least he showed some class while testifying before fellow songwriter
and soulmate B'Orrin Hatch (R-Chickencoup) about internet music piracy.
If you look real close, you can see Lars isn't wearing
his Metallica cock-ring
(only $279 at firstname.lastname@example.org) around his neck like when he's onstage.
Baby, baby, where did our tour go?
Subject: "Signers" piece
Papa Nazi wrote the "Signers" piece, Jeff Jacoby ripped
it from him,
and now it seems that Whorowits couldn't help but lift a line as well?
The last sentence, fourth paragraph of the Capitol Hill Blue article
"They pledged their lives, their fortunes and their sacred honor."
In the fourth paragraph of Horseshit's tripe he crafts this gem
. . .
"The Patriot," a film that reassembles the elements of the national myth
into a powerful homage to liberty and to the American colonists who gave
their lives, their fortunes and their sacred honor to its cause.
Geez, that jumped right out at me, made me feel like
I was back in middle school working on a report.
I know . . . hmm,
I'll change the first word, then . . . add a few words at the end.
Maybe just a coincidence, probably happens a lot to writers,
only so many ways to say something in such an eloquent way.
Well, it looks to me like that line moved from pigboy sr. through
and Hors 'doo faster than a load of oats through a paul harvey prize stallion.
I wish Horowitz would get an original idea and stop regurgitating
partly digested fascist bullshit that obviously makes up his thought diet.
First it's one phrase, then two . . . then just like lies, it gets easier and easier.
Where does it end?
Must be a Republican disease.
Subject: Reminder notice
Dear Mind-it User,
You signed up to receive an email alert whenever the following web pages are updated:
Bondage, Spanking, Discipline, Foot Worship,
Foot worship and crossdressing?
Why, I never!
Then, swear to Koresh, in the same e-mail is this:
***** CLICK BELOW For a FREE Debt Analysis!
Too Much DEBT? Are Bill Collectors Hounding You?
WE CAN CUT YOUR BILLS IN HALF & Consolidate Them into
1 LOW Monthly Payment & STOP The Late Fees! FREE Info at:
Yeah, like I'll sign mortgage papers over to the lenders
who teamed up with
the Foot worshipping/cross-dressing/fetish people for their marketing campaign.
Subject: The dire threat of the UN
Someone was yammering to you today about the "threat of the UN."
Yeah, once they figure out how to successfully drop a food packet
war-torn village halfway around the world without our help, they'll invade the
United States and instate the New World Order under the Beast of Revelations.
Subject: DR. L. vs. RUSH
The reason Dr. Laura gets ads pulled from
but Pigboy gets a free ride is thus --
You know as well as I that Rush claims he's
(that is, when he gets into trouble) while Dr. Whora thinks says she's for real.
So when she gets protested, advertisers have to pay attention.
But they don't with El Gasbag.
David, good point.
Especially on that "when in trouble" part.
But when he's not backpedalling, he's "America's Truth Detector," and
"the only place you can hear the truth" and "our guiding light thru tumult."
I still don't understand why the sheep buy it.
PS. My condolences on your Carolina status.
Stuck in Knuckledrag, I understand what you're going thru.
More on Smirk's Phony 'Mea
A little Catholic lingo for ya
"While some in my party have avoided the NAACP
and some in the NAACP
have avoid my party, I am proud to be here. There is no denying that the
party of Lincoln has not always carried the mantel of Lincoln.''
-- He Who Smirks
Gee, I wonder who he was talking about?
Was Eisenhower a racist pig?
Not that I know of. (before my time)
Was Nixon a racist pig?
Sure, he hated Jews and longhaired war protestors,
but did he slam the blacks in his secret tapes?
Was Ford a racist pig?
Not if you ask me.
Ford wasn't much of anything, much less a racist bastard.
Was Reagan a racist pig?
Reagan created modern racism.
Reagan gave the vulgar Pigboy the green light to unveil his racism, too.
Was Smirk's daddy a racist pig?
Smirk's daddy was slightly less racist than Reagan.
When he got elected, first thing he wanted to do was create a "kinder, gentler America."
That meant, "Let's ease up on the Nazi hate of the last eight years," and we all know it.
Was Bob Dole a racist?
Hard to say.
Bob was still trying to figure out what happened to the Brooklyn Dodgers
and why milk was worse for children than cigarettes.
So now, Smirk goes to the NAACP and says, "Sure, my party has
but what will he do, besides flap his gums, to right the wrongs of the past?
...and isn't it funny to watch Pigboy squirm?
All day he was explaining how it was the liberals that were the
and how the GOP was the party of the black race.
I guess the fact that only the Uncle OJ's and the Uncle Slappy's
buy that shit
just proves how stupid the black people really are, right Rush?
Subject: You & Gore let bush get away with this.
Bush gives 8.4 billion to Bill Gates's kids,
while poor orphan kids get leftover bread crumbs.
Bush is on TV touting a 2.3 billion (5 years)
program for Orphans.
(Mostly tax credits, so the foster parents have to have a high income to get the benefits).
The GOP Estate tax repeal (Bush favors) gives 8.4 billion to Gates's kids.
The richest kids in the world get 3 times as much as all the orphans in the country.
Now that's compassion.
Hey, I have an excuse.
I wonder what Gore's is?
Paul Begala Shoots the Bull
George W. Bush read a 15-minute speech to the NAACP convention,
and the fawning national media is treating him like he just marched across
the Edmund Pettus Bridge with John Lewis and Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
Bush read a platitude-filled speech, including such lines as:
"I am here today because I believe there is much we can do together to
advance racial harmony and economic opportunity."
He quoted Jackie Robinson, Abraham Lincoln, W.E.B. DuBois, "a
"a philosopher" (apparently he reads to many he can't keep their names straight.)
And he came out boldly, courageously and candidly against slavery, racism and segregation.
And the press fell for it.
The George W. Bush suck-up patrol failed to mention that Bush's
real record on race
falls far short of his cliche-ridden rhetoric. Just three months ago Bush was speaking at
Bob Jones University. He could have used that occasion, as Alan Keyes did, to speak the
truth to power; to confront the university's divisive policies, and to speak out against discrimination.
He did not do so -- an act of political cowardice.
Nor did Bush include in his NAACP speech his tacit approval of
the Confederate flag over the
Carolina capitol building -- another act of weakness in the face of bigotry.
And somehow Bush's brief speech to the NAACP avoided mentioning why, of all
the people he could have chosen to lead the training of his state's police, he chose a man who
said he didn't believe the term "porch monkey" was a racial slur.
Bush somehow failed to explain why, as Governor, he flew from
Minnesota back home to
Texas to comfort the white families of a tragic church shooting in Fort Worth, but refused to go
to Jasper to comfort the family of a black man who was dragged to death in a modern-day lynching.
From: Sen. Lugar's web site
Jail-based treatment programs have proven
to cut drug use in half, reduce
criminal activity like shoplifting, assault and drug sales by up to 80%,
and decrease repeat arrests for all crimes by up to 64%.
Your boy got bailed out.
Don't you want your boy to get help?
You say, "Jail-based programs" work best?
How can he get "jail-based help" if he's out on bail?
Let's test that theory, Loogie.
Without treatment, he might start shoplifting.
Or are you saying jail is for the dark people, not the whites?
Subject: Smirk's demise
Thanks for the great links.
Don't you think it is time to come forth with any dirt that is out there about Bush.
Gore seems to be making no progress.
Is it time to worry?
Time to worry?
If Gore is substantially behind after the debates, then we'll worry.
Smirk season hasn't even started yet.
Oh, the fun hasn't even started yet.
They got NOTHIN' they can throw at Gore, while for us, the world is not enough.
Have you ever watched a cat play with a bug or a mouse before
he eats it?
That's what the press is doing to Smirk.
They're sitting on these stories because it's not time yet.
If they blow Gore out of the water now, what will they do for four months?
We still have the Buchanan circus to go thru.
Jesse has threatened to jump in at the last minute and "steal the whole thing."
You watch, Smirk will pick an idiot, like Keating the Catholic,
and Gore will pick somebody smooth and smart, like John Kerry.
Plus, don't forget Gore's secret weapon.
The secret I'll be breaking on bartcop.com
in the next 3 weeks won't be
anything that'll make Smirk drop out, but I predict a lot of people will read my
essay and say, "I'll be goddamned! I'll bet BartCop's right."
It's going to be a very exciting four months.
Subject: Political parties
I am curious as to your stance on McCain
and whether or not he should have
run for president. I, for one, am saddened that there is a SECOND
presidential election that I have no desire for either candidate to win.
Much of the answer depends on the definition
Because of his service to America, I gave McCain the benefit of the doubt.
But when he turned whore in Carolina I lost a lot of respect for him.
He later apologized and said he did a bad thing, but so did Clinton.
Clinton's mistake cost this nation nothing.
McCain's cowardice cost him his integrity and a place in history.
If McCain had looked Carolina in the eye and said, "Tear down that flag,"
he would've lost Carolina but won in NY, CA, IL, PA, FL and maybe TX.
I'm with you - I'm no big fan of Gore, but
he's running against a man I could
destroy in a debate, and anybody who can't out-argue me shouldn't be president.
I'm pro-Gore by default.
Bush is too potentially corrupt to properly
represent the people, and Gore
is Clinton-spawn. Clinton wasn't bad, but only because he moderated himself
when he realized that not all conservative ideas are bad. Gore doesn't
strike me as having the same kind of sense.
Gore has plenty of problems, but "Clinton-spawn" isn't one of them.
I also was wondering about your views on
the United Nations, and the fact
that liberal legislature is pulling us more and more into an organization
that has openly expressed it's desire to do away with our sovereignty.
I wish I knew what that meant.
I don't know that I've ever heard an intelligent debate on the UN.
I hear the McVeigh wing of the GOP screaming that Klinton and Reno
allowed Russia to put 10,000 tanks in Mexico and they'll be streaming over
the border any day now with Klinton's blessing, which helps a lot.
There may not be much use for a UN now that
we're the only SP left.
Besides, America is so goddamn arrogant, if everyone voted against us,
we'd ljust tell them to "fuck off" and do what we want anyway,
so why are we bothering with the charade?
Saddam and Milo did NOT face a multi-nation
They faced a pissed-off American military with a bunch of other countries standing
around watching the fight. What we need to do is tell these lesser countries that
THEY are the ground troops, and we'll supply the techno-wonders and the air cover.
I'd make a good president, don't you think?
I can't pretend to support conservatives
on everything, since I know
full well that an anarcho-capitalist society would never last, but it's hard
to close your eyes to the destructiveness of liberalism gone awry, as well...
I'd like to hear more about the "destructiveness of Liberalism."
Stephen M Accetta
P.S. Now I get to see if you actually answer
me, just call me a nazi,
or totally ignore me.
Have I ignored you in the past?
Even tho I stopped whining about it, my mail is more than ever.
Perhaps I missed your first e-mail. (s)
Funny, you don't sound like a Nazi, so why would I call you one?
My complaint is with whores who make tens of millions per year
lying their dirty, infected asses off. Religious liars are a target, too.
You seem like a fella with manners, so I'm nice in return.
I negotiate for a living and I learned early that you always start off nice.
That's me, BartCop the nice guy.
Subject: Re: Salon Quiz
Further answer to Brandon Sutherland's excellent question:
It is true that the Texas Governor does not have a lot of power.
However, he does appoint the members of the Texas Natural Resources Conservation
Commission, the organization charged with monitoring air and water quality.
In keeping with his belief that pollution should be left up to
Gov. Dubya has used this power to put the polluters in charge of enforcement.
Two of the major environment problems are this agriculture and chemical industries.
Smirk's first appointment was John Baker from the Texas Farm Bureau,
a opponent of all efforts to regulate pesticides.
Next was Ralph Marquez, a lobbyist to the Texas Chemical Council.
Third was the representative from the Religious Right: Barry McBee.
Under the leadership of the Bush appointees water quality and
pesticide monitoring have been virtually abandoned.
I have a question.
Last night, I was watching the news and saw Smirk talking to Julian
As they leaned in to talk to each other, I was struck by the relative sameness
of the color of their skin. Julian could almost pass for white.
Since it's a well-known fact that light-skinned blacks are smarter
with a darker complexion, why isn't Bond the boss of the NAACP?
How did the darker-skinned Kweisi Mfume get the job?
Congressional Relatives Receive
'Get Out of Jail Free' Pass
Senator's Son Out on Bail on Marijuana Charge
ARLINGTON, VA -- If you or a relative gets arrested on a drug charge,
don't expect to pass Go or collect $200 -- unless you're the son or daughter
of a U.S. congressman. Thursday night provided the most recent example
of the Drug War double standard.
According to the Tribune News Service, Robert Lugar, son of Senator
Richard Lugar (R-Roughboy), was arrested for possession of One and 1/4 ounces
of marijuana after a deputy sheriff smelled marijuana smoke when he stopped
Lugar for a routine traffic violation. Lugar pleaded not guilty to the drug charge
and was released on $200 bond.
Lugar should count his lucky stars that he's a U.S. senator's son, because
already has a 'Get Out of Jail Free' card. If he'd been anyone else's son,
most likely his car would have been confiscated and he'd be facing prison.
But being a Senator's son makes you part of the aristocracy.
Just ask the sons of Richard Shelby (R-Racist) or Rod Grams (R-Unknown).
Both have been arrested for drug offenses and received virtually no punishment.
And the worst part is that all three senators continue to be leading Drug Warriors.
The drug laws in America suck.
will keep you busy all day!
STERLING HEIGHTS, Mich.--The wife of million-selling
attempted suicide at the couple's suburban Detroit home,
police and a record company executive said.
"Kim Mathers tried to kill herself Friday night,"
said Dennis Dennehy,
director of media and artist relations for Eminem's label, Interscope Records.
Kim, remember The Little Engine that Could.
Smirk likes to play dirty, does he?
Smirk Proven Right Again!
"There is no denying that the party of
has not always carried the mantel of Lincoln.''
Gov. Whitman of New Jersey has the time of her life frisking
a "suspected nigger" during a racial-profiling stop in 1996
"The search was illegal and a violation of the man's civil rights,"
said Deborah Jacobs, director of the New Jersey ACLU.
In an interview Friday, Whitman said she didn't know if she had
any legal authority to conduct a search and she did not ask the
officers present if she was allowed to do so.
"It never occurred to me to ask that question," said Whitman,
who once had a future in the GOP.
I really don't think there will be much reason
to worry about Gore.
Bush signed his death sentence by agreeing to even three debates.
Do you remember how Gore destroyed Bradley with a single line?
"Racial profiling just about began in New Jersey..."
ha ha - See above photo
Right now Gore has so much on the shrub the question
is which piece does he use?
When Bush starts rambling on about how he love minorities,
Gore will have a few choice phrases.
When the Shrub starts babbling about how he is
the "Education" governor,
a few pieces of information will come to hand.
When Dubya starts to whine about morality,
I'm sure there will be more than a few tidbits that Gore can throw some light on.
By the way, is that a bong the guvnor is holding?
Or is it a dildo?
Better not tell you now.
Today's GOP - always digging where they don't belong...
And now, ...here's something you'll really like,
The Daily Bit
Subject: Millionaire Needs Shill
I would like to sponsor your political commentary
at both US national conventions.
Money is no object, but I require enthusiastic and sincere endorsements
of my company's product as the official drink of bartcop.com
Let me know if you're interested,
Jose Cuervo IV
No way, Jose.
I wouldn't trade my Chinaco for a night with Angie Harmon.
While I have your attention, last December I drank a shot of your
"premium" gold tequila and thought I was going to fucking hurl.
Please refrain from raping your customers with that horrid liquid.
Subject: Salon Quiz
So, if all of those elected officials rank
higher than the governor,
why blame him for Houston's shitty air?
Not a provocation for a fight or anything.
This is a question which I do believe must have a legitimate answer.
Damn good question, and I'm glad you asked.
The answer is......
Smirk can't have it both ways!
He wants to be president.
"I'm the governor of the second-biggest state!"
When someone says, "Why don't you stop that execution, Governor?"
he cries and whines and says, "Texas governors have no power!!!"
When someone says, "Why don't you stop that pollution, Governor?"
he cries and whines and says, "Texas governors have no power!!!"
As Smirk's daddy would say, "Na Ga Dah!"
Smirk needs to stand up and admit he's the fifth-most powerful
the second-biggest state and THEN tell us what his qualifications are.
Great Quotes from the Past
Capitalism is the astounding belief that the most wickedest of
men will do
the most wickedest of things for the greatest good of everyone.
-- John Maynard Keynes
Subject: observations and rants
I listened to a little bit of Dr. Whora
She said something interesting, to the effect that you
can tell the character of people when money is involved.
I don't remember the exact quote. But she's
can tell a lot about her character when money is involved.
You remember that old joke - the prostitute says,
"Give me $300 and I'll do anything."
...and the guy gives her $300 and says, "Tramp, paint my house."
Imagine what she'd do for a $72,000,000 lump
and an extra $12,000,000 a year to boot.
Jake Tapper from salon.com has some eye-openin' stuff
Subject: JC Watts
Okay, so you admit that JC Watts is black
and a Republican.
Then you say that the GOP is an "all-white" party.
How is this not a contradiction?
There are 272 Republicans in Congress, one of them is openly black.
That means the GOP is not "all-white" like I said.
It's only 99.621 percent white.
Sorry about that.
Sometimes I get carried away...
Just two minutes ago, Dr. Laura said: "There
are lots of ways to be incestuous
and they're not all physical." "No, really?" That huge ego can't absorb even a
single drop of self-awareness!Dr.
Laura blathers with stomach-churning passion
about Deryk's towering height,
the tragedy of his every injury (after sustaining which, he runs to his "Little Mummy"),
his genius, his strict adherence to hundreds of religious laws, the myriad of "koot"
things he says and does. Under the circumstances, wouldn't you think she'd lay back
a bit on her denunciations of fathers who defend "Daddy's little girl"?
All Lew is to her, judging from her on-air
gabble, is a tolerable cook who's lucky to
be granted the freedom to express his disagreement with her -- more license than
the rest of us get, of course.
Who's Laura's soulmate?
Who's the most important person in her life, next to herself?
Who does she admire most, next to herself?
It sure isn't that old man she lured away from his wife and three children.
Maybe Procter & Gamble should have remained a sponsor of her show
-- they could have sold a soap designed to cleanse her audience of the slimy feeling
that remains after she rhapsodizes about her "bunchkin."
Free Deryk from his mother's lap -- NOW!
Hoover's Dark Secret Revealed
FBI chief had b l a c k grandfather!
J Edgar Hoover, the cross-dressing head of the FBI who worked relentlessly
to undermine Martin Luther King and others in the civil rights movement in
the 1960s, had black ancestors whose existence he desperately tried to
keep secret, according to a new book.
Millie McGhee, author of Secrets Uncovered, J Edgar Hoover - Passing
is an African-American who says she was told as a little girl in McComb, Mississippi,
of her family's links with Hoover.
She writes in the book that her grandfather told of her of this "very
powerful" man in
Washington who was related to the family but did not want the links to be known and
passed himself off as white.
Ms McGhee, a former teacher in Los Angeles, explains that she contacted
genealogist in Salt Lake City, Utah, for help in tracing her family's history.
She says her research shows that Hoover's grandfather and great-grandfather lived in
a segregated black area of Washington and were classified in a census as "coloured".
Relatives were warned of dire consequences if they spoke publicly of
As a little girl she believed that they would be killed if they mentioned the secret.
Paul Begala Shoots the Bull
Emerging from the Hall of Failed Presidents, former President
George Bush and
his wife Barbara gave an interview to the New York Times this weekend that
must have set teeth to grinding at W's campaign HQ in Austin. The former
President was clueless, the former First Lady bitter. Bush actually had the
audacity to talk about "restor[ing] honor and integrity" to the Oval Office.
This from the man who lied to the nation about his role in selling deadly
weapons to the Ayatollah Khomeini. This from the man who hid his diary,
which had been requested by the Independent Counsel, for five years; then
turned it over after he'd been defeated in the 1992 election.
(Yes, I know Bill Clinton lied too, but lying about an illicit
affair with a
younger woman is personal; lying about an illicit affair with the Ayatollah is
Bush senior says "Clinton fatigue" is real. I'll bet it's real
with him. But
as for the rest of the country, President Clinton still has a much higher job
rating than Ronald Reagan did at this stage of his presidency. Of course,
Bush never had an eighth year of his presidency, so it's impossible to
compare. The poor old guy still thinks he was turned out because of some
cycle of history, forces beyond his control. No, sir, Mr. Former President,
you were voted out because you were a poor president. Our country was in a
recession because of the stupid economic policies you and Reagan gave us, and
you didn't care. People were hurting and you didn't care. Good folks lost
their jobs, and you didn't care.
But as soon as some oil-rich emir lost his job, it was "Message: I Care."
The last time former President Bush (I still like the sound of
reared his head, he helped his "boy" lose the New Hampshire primary by 19
points. Now he gives an interview to the Times in which he says his son will
win -- not because of his ideas, not because of qualifications, but because he
thinks we all hate Bill Clinton as much as he does. About the only thing he had
to say about his son is that he is "amazed" at W's ascension in presidential politics.
So am I, Mr. Former President. So am I.
We're all amazed at how a guy who failed in school, failed in
business and traded
Sammy Sosa has conned a once-great political party into nominating him for the
highest office in the land.
Prediction: W's handlers are so embarrassed by the Former
they'll refuse to allow him to speak at the convention. And W, placing
political ambition ahead of family loyalty, will agree to muzzle the old man.
I was curious about the markets one day and decided
to explore Yahoo! Finance
concerning an unrelated matter. I stumbled upon a feature buried within the site
which allows you to not only view historical stock and market data but also
download rather large files of spreadsheet-ready data.
In this case I downloaded the complete historical data of the Dow Jones Stock Index.
With Quattro Pro in hand I plugged in nearly twenty-four
YEARS of data
(mainly for future reference.) Pursuing a hunch I correlated the data from
inauguration to inauguration in four-year periods starting with the Carter years up
to the present day of the Clinton administration. What I was looking for was the
market growth (or, in the case of Carter, loss) in correlation with these Presidencies.
The numbers themselves sounded interesting but
what good is looking at a boring
spreadsheet full of 'em? Using the graphing function I plotted each four-year data
set and overlaid them over each other for comparison. At a glance everyone can see
what that twenty-four years' worth of data looks like.
As for the date of the presidential inauguration
I start each four-year presidency at zero.
The previous date of market activity is used as the baseline and this is subtracted from
the current market point level. What results is the amount of CHANGE which I use
as a standard for comparison.
To put it bluntly for the skeptics out there are
no tricks or "creation math" here.
This is all based completely upon simple math and data which you may verify at
http://finance.yahoo.com if you're willing to dig for it. For those who are into
quoting "supply-siders" and Republicans in general as the Gospel then this
visual representation proves that they're wrong. Period.
Mark D. Baum
Look at those Clinton numbers.
Stay up, baby, stay up!
You did good.
Great Religious Insanity Quotes
"Grown men should not be having sex with prostitutes unless they
are married to them."
Jerry Falwell, Crossfire, May 17, 1997
You asked: "Tim the Whore and Chris the Screamer are both former Democrats.
I think they both worked for some Demo senator or rep..."
Matthews spent 6 years as a dick-holder for Tip O'Neill.
Great New York Quotes
Mayor Giuliani has spent the last couple of years
caterwauling against the parole system.
If it were not for parole in New York State,
Rudolph Giuliani's mother and father
never would have been married.
-- Jimmy Breslin
Thanks to BrainSmasher for the excellent 'toon.
Great Smirk Quotes
"While some in my party have avoided the NAACP
and some in the NAACP
have avoid my party, I am proud to be here. There is no denying that the
party of Lincoln has not always carried the mantel of Lincoln.''
Yeah, Smirk, like your chicken-shit ass 90 days ago on the Carolina
You could've stood tall, like a man, and told Carolina to "Tear down that flag,"
but you were too busy courting the Cro-Mag vote to stand up and act like a man.
GOP Convention Preview
So, how's the air in Houston today?
According to the USA Today page 18A, the air in Houston today is
Here's a David Horowitz "Patriot" article, with a guest editorial by T_Burns.
Great 8-Wives Quotes
"More than 20 people auditioned for the
Monday Night Football job.
Halfway thru Dennis Miller's turn, the producers asked for a time out,
went outside and looked at each other in amazement, and all agreed
the guy was unbelieveable. He was funny and he knew the game.
They all thought he'd be good, but no one thought he'd be that good."
Great Dennis Miller Quotes
"Let's see... Football is the one without the bat,
I saw a news report over the weekend that AIDS patients are doing
and medical science is making such strides, that people are paying less attention.
As a result, the decline in new AIDS cases is beginning to level off.
I remember hearing Magic Johnson was HIV-positive.
That was in what, 1992?
The last I heard about Magic's health, the number of cells that tells you that you
have AIDS was so low, he was statistically in the "doesn't have it" category.
That reminds me of two sons-of-bitches, Reagan and the vulgar
I remember when Reagan's budgets and Pigboy's smart mouth told people
it "wasn't worth" spending money on AIDS research because it was a virus
instead of a disease and therefore could never be cured, so why fucking bother?
What they really meant was, "It's only queers dying, so why should we care?"
Fuck Reagan for his blind "who cares?" attitude,
and fuck Pigboy and Laura the Martyr for making millions by feeding that hate.
Pigboy is still claiming his sainted daddy wrote that discredited
and now it looks like our old friend Jeff Jacoby (see Vol 61 and Vol 65)
stole it and passed it off as his story.
The Boston Globe suspended him for being a lying, stealing handjob - way to go, Jeff.
Subject: Smog over Houston
After viewing your many pictures of lovely downtown
Houston, it brought back a song.
Sung to Smoke on the Water by Deep Purple:
Bush became a governor
He said he wanted clean air
But when it came to regulations
Didnít want companies to share
With cleaning up the smokestacks
Wants voluntary enforcement
Wonít force them into clean up
As long as dollars are sent
Smog over Houston,
itís very hard to breathe
Smog over Houston
With self regulation
The businesses went to town
They keep filling Bushís coffers
They know he wonít let them down
Now they ring up their profits
And laugh in the peopleís face
Bush thinks he can snow them over
During this presidential race
Smog over Houston,
itís very hard to breathe
Smog over Houston
Now they find it hard to breathe
Another pollution alarm
Bush thinks the companies
Donít want anyone to be harmed
Now that Houston passes LA
As the most polluted yet
Hopefully people in this country
Give Bush a lesson he wonít soon forget
Smog over Houston,
itís very hard to breathe
Smog over Houston
How does Smirk handle justice
I'd like to hear him explain it to the NAACP today.
Great Clinton-hating Quotes
Trust me, nobody knows less about the Middle-east than
but here's the way I understand it: At the end of September, Arafat
will cave to pressure and declare a Palestinian state in Israel.
The only thing that can stop this is a new peace accord.
Israel is tired of the rocket attacks and the bus bombs.
They want a deal.
Arafat is getting old, very old, and this could be his last chance.
He wants a deal.
Clinton will be out of office in 6 months, and a deal is more
with him than with Gore, or, Koresh forbid, He Who Smirks.
Clinton wants a deal.
So, all three sides want a deal, so they're giving it a shot.
This is a right-winger's dream.
If an agreement is not reached, the GOP can scream, "failure"
at the top of their lungs instead of giving Clinton the credit for trying.
And if they somehow reach an agreement, they'll just say it was Reagan's doing.
Watching McLaughlin this weekend, John asked that Clinton-hater
Lawrence Kudlow his opinion of the upcoming peace talks:
"Clinton's ego run amok."
Doesn't it figure?
Those Republican bastards would rather the peace talks fail
than see President Clinton get any credit for helping it along.
From the Mind of BrainSmasher
FRANK KEATING: HOMICIDE, LIFE ON THE STREET
Frank, Frank, Frank. You just want to pinch yourself. You see
Frank's in the
mix for a Vice-presidential nomination. Calling all cokebouys. Heavy sigh,
Frank we hardly knew ye. Frank is our governor here in Oklahoma where it is
legal to kill cocks, but not to tattoo one. Every month there is some scandal or
Frank goes wild and says something terrible about a segment of Oklahoma society.
Last February, Frank, speaking to 350 students at Oral Roberts
sez the way to deal with the teacher's union was, "Homicide!" I wish I could
blame a speechwriter. Someone else at least! If a student said that in an
Oklahoma school, they would probably be arrested and most likely expelled!
You know who I do blame?
I blame Mrs. Frank.
I know this is a family page, but I have to say it. Frank is just
not getting enough.
If Mrs.Frank were doing her job better as a........well Frank might not be so testy.
At the very least a little help for Frank's prostate health.
My Ol' doc, Al Bendover, told me along time ago, "Use it or lose it."
Studies have shown, well, you know what they show.
Mrs. Frank wants to be out of Oklahoma anyway,
she's an old Washington Highlife woman.
You know, one friend keeping another cold.
Frank's and Oral's Jesus is better than your Jesus. If you are
liberal or an immoral, rabbit breeding minority, damnation is your call.
Frank and Oral say if you open your checkbook to them....err, Jesus, then
Jesus will open his checkbook upon thee and you will have "deserved" wealth
and prosperity and live in the Christian Kingdom of small guvmint.
"Say it aint so Brain Smasher," you say.
"Yes, grasshopper, it's true."
Regardless of how you feel about unions, teachers, or humanity
the class of students at Oral Roberts University that would give you a rousing cheer
when you proclaim that "Homicide" is the way to deal with the teacher's union is at
the very least, unsettling.
Hey ORU, WWJD?
My sources tell me when Tim McVeigh heard about Frank's speech,
he wanted to high-five the governor.
When an ORU student becomes the next McVeigh at the Governor's
at least we can all be comforted by the fact when 200-300 people are killed by them,
no unborn children will be involved.
Clinton can do that shit without even trying.
This country is going to miss Bill Clinton...
Keenan Ivory Wayans had the best weekend
of his career.
"Scary" made $42,000,000 in three days.
I haven't seen the movie, but I heard it's
and I like to see little people get their hands on some money.
Mike Myers of Austin Powers is in deep shit.
He backed out of a deal to make that horrid "Dieter" movie
about the German industrial rocker (is that what that is?)
He's getting sued left and right.
Myers said he backed out because the script was "pure shit."
The problem with that excuse is, ....he wrote it!
Myers is proving a BartCop theorem:
Big money makes you lose your humor.
Comics are always better on their way up.
Once they hit the motherload, they turn unfunny very fast.
Isn't it funny how Rush continues to blame
"the leftist media" for the fact
that relatively nobody wants to see ultra-right-winger Mel Gibson's movie Patriot?
I hear it's a hoot!
It's not often God plays his guitar on TV.
I think he's only been on twice since the treehouse has been open.
Tuesday, He will play a song, maybe two, with the Black Crowes.
This tour is only the second time since 1980 that Jimmy Page has
been free to play the "real" songs that he's written, since Robert Plant
has chosen to go mostly accoustic. With the Crowes behind him,
he's been playing the big songs. Maybe we'll get lucky tomorrow night.
If we get real lucky,
maybe he'll play something on the doubleneck or the Dan Electro.
Lets make a deal
Two independent Cookeville filmmakers, Rick Martin and Donald Farmer,
appeared at the Mayberry's house (before the GOP moved them out)
with a hand-printed contract for a movie about their toilets.
(Yum! I'll be first in line!)
The deal gives the Mayberrys 20 percent of the movie's net
revenue in exchange
for the rights to tell the family's story of terrible toilets and Goreís eviction notice.
The movie is set to air in October, hoping to embarrass Gore, who was too stupid
to take BartCop's advice and move the tree-climbers out.
The Mayberrys even posed for a movie poster on their front porch with rifles in their hands.
I realize these missing links don't have any brains,
but signing a contract for a percentage of the net?
Even movies that make over $100,000,000 don't have "net" profits.
They won't be able to buy any bacon with the movie money.
Serves 'em right.
In 1992, Smirk's daddy refused to speak to the NAACP.
In 1996, Bob Dole refused to speak to the NAACP.
He even said "Kweisi Mfume is trying to set me up," the dumb-ass.
Today, Smirk speaks to the NAACP.
I can't wait to hear what he said and their reaction.
Geico Pulls Ads From 'Laura the Martyr' Program
Auto insurer Geico has
decided to stop running its ads on She-Thing's radio
program, the latest corporate fallout from the talk show host's much-publicized
comments on gays. The Washington-based company said it has received a great
deal of feedback, mostly negative, about its advertising on the program.
Much of that negative response has come from those in the gay community
who said they found the remarks made by the host "highly offensive and prejudicial."
An assistant to Rabbi Schlessinger declined to comment, and a spokeswoman for her
show could not be reached immediately. Schlessinger has angered gay rights groups
with her comments that homosexuality is "deviant" behavior and a "biological error."
Earlier this year, Procter & Gamble pulled its ads both from the current talk show
and her upcoming television talk show this fall.
But why does the vulgar Pigboy get a free ride?
He hates gays more than Laura the Unloved, and he openly laughs and ridicules them,
wheras Laura dismisses gays with an aura of civility.
Is Laura seen as some kind of civilian, with a chance to be rehabilitated?
Someone clear that up for me, please.
The Nader people will eventually come to Gore,
but Pat and his $12,000,000 haven't yet begun to fight.
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