Vol 65- Feeding Jacoby II
In Volume 61, Jeff Jacoby listed 40 reasons to vote Dole.
Since "Pessnit Kintn" has a 20-point lead over craggy old Dole,
This may get a little rough.
Most of these nonsense/shit-for-brains attacks
Here we go:
41. A top private school for Chelsea, but no vouchers
Hmmm... If I'm not mistaken... Isn't this the same group who'ss mad at Clinton
Chelsea deserves protection and privacy.
42. Clinton blamed radio-hate for the OKC bombing.
Yes, and Dole blames Hollywood for juvi crime.
You CAN'T have it BOTH ways!!
1. Item: Reagan said "Government IS THE PROBLEM!!!!!!!!"
2. Item: G. Gordon Liddy says "Shoot for the cop's head,
3. Item: The NRA says "Help us STOP the jack-booted thugs."
...and Bill Clinton has the GALL to point fingers?
43. VP Gore on Yeltsin's health July 16, 1996:
What was the alternative?
Russia is STILL an ally.
44. Ira Magaziner.
Heard the name. What's HIS crime?
45. Candidate BC: "American politics
is hostage to big money."
Limba the Hutt slept in the Lincoln bedroom as a payoff
46. Deval Patrick, quota king.
Never heard of him.
But if quota kings are bad,
47. The Clintons donated their used underwear
BIG mistake by Bill.
If he'd waited until now, according to Rush and his
Probably the biggest mistake of his presidency.
48. ...but they never bothered to report their profits
There you go again.
Why doesn't Starr indict her?
49. Chicagoan Judy Mendoza screamed
at Clinton, "You suck,"
Clinton can't have anyone arrested.
A caller asked Liddy: Is it true that Chicago woman
Liddy said, "No, you have to threaten the President."
So, either Liddy or Limba is lying.
50. Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens is 77 years old.
We don't need another Slappy on the Court.
51. A historic first: The first lady is called before a grand jury.
Remember, being called before a Grand Jury is not evidence of guilt.
It was the first time a bitter, rejected sour-grapes party used their power
Sounds like an "Eat Me."
52. Another historic first: White House reporters ask if
Who asked that? Paul Harvey? The guy who services horses?
ASKING a question indicates guilt?
Maybe now would be a good time to remember that if Jacoby had written a
When Tupac died, his record company said:
I guess that's true for newspaper whores, as well.
53. Why won't he release his medical records?
Let's put this one to bed RIGHT now:
I think anytime somebody asks this question, they should offer up signed
What's wrong, Jacoby?
How's that 40-pound cyst on Rush's ass doing?
What's Reagan's CURRENT condition?
How's Mary Matalin handling menopause?
What about old Bob Dole's encephlogram?
You know why we can't see it?
It proves Bob Dole is as crazy as a fucking loon!
So, until I see some signed release forms,
54. White House aides with a drug history: more than 40.
That's probably waaaay too low.
There's 2,500 people working there.
Besides, if Dole won, (ha ha)
what would he do
55. Cuba blows four planes out of the sky - and Clinton
Blow me, you lying dog!
You've already accused Clinton of punishing Cuba with the Helms Bill.
One thing about nazi hate:
They can't remember which side of the slur they're on!
56. Didn't do anything when Capt. Scott O'Grady
So, John Jacoby, the guy who wants a nuclear war in Japan so bad he can
fucking TASTE it,
If "Pessnit Kintn" was the type to endanger hundreds of thousands of American
57. Or when five Americans in Saudi Arabia are killed
So, your idea is to attack Saudi Arabia?
If US Military Forces went house-to-house searching for suspects in Saudi
Jacoby, you're one stupid MF'er, you know that?
58. He does, however, shut down Pennsylvania Avenue.
There you go again.
You hate Clinton so much, you're angry that he won't
Jacoby, you dirty whore!
Maybe the Secret Service should pay you a visit.
59. "I have vivid memories of black
I've heard the Giver of Shade make that claim, too.
Did you get on the Internet and surf the
Wait! Let me guess!
If Clinton said it, you immediately assume it's not true.
60. Shameless exploitation:
Is this the King of all "Eat Me's?"
Reeve did NOT demand the presidency because he got hurt!
Christopher Reeve is 50 times more disabled than Dole,
61. Shameless exploitation: Gore's sister died of tobacco.
I may have to agree with this one.
How SELFISH of Gore to want to save 450,000 families
Just the like GOP to say Gore is faking the love
I wonder, did Gore fake emotion at her funeral, too?
Who says the GOP has no heart?
62. "Throughout my life, I raised
We've learned a LOT about tobacco since 1988.
Matter of fact, we've learned a LOT since Clinton got in.
We can't fault Bogart for smoking in the 40's,
That's a disgrace and the female vote reflects that.
63. Normalized relations with Vietnam,
Eat me, Eat me, Eat me, Eat me. Eat me.
POW John McCain, Republican EXPERT on Vietnam and, for some reason,
If this is a reason to hate Clinton, it's also a reason to hate former-POW
Why do you need BartCop, a Clinton Democrat, to get you
64. In an "honest bureaucratic snafu," Clinton
Good for them.
If the Republicans had nothing to hide,
You wanna look in my file?
Go right ahead, then blow me.
Triangulation is being to the right of Act Up,
Hey, Jacoby! Use your fucking head!
That's where AMERICA IS!!!!!!!!!!!
66. The huge 1993 Clinton tax increase hiked taxes retroactively.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, we ALLLLLL got hurt by the
Is that why the deficit dropped?
Mr. Jacoby, when you're done with me,
67. The candidate: "Serbian aggression
The president: "The UN controls events in Bosnia."
I don't know enough about Bosnia to have a good opinion,
68. Missing files. Shredded files. Stonewalled files.
If ANYONE took ANYTHING from his office,
What you have is speculation by no-life wannabees.
The fact that the never-ending-conpiracy caused your big 1994 revolution
69. Turned a blind eye to the Russian slaughter in Chechnya.
Now you want Clinton to commit American ground troops in a Russian Civil War?
Clinton is Waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too smart for that.
You know, WHINE as you must, Bush/Clinton lost about 21 soldiers,
Reagan lost 241 in one goddamn day.
Butch lost more than that, plus the thouands affected
Reagan and Butch brought war and recession.
If it wasn't against the law, Clinton would be a 4-termer.
70. Defamed Special Prosecutor Ken Starr.
No reply necessary.
71. In 50 years, he's never had a private-sector job.
He just turned 50, you nut.
Besides, Dole was a Washington insider when Clinton
72. "If I were a single man, I'd ask that mummy out."
Asked and answered.
In a Dole Administration, there'll be NO sex with the dead.
73. Innocent Travel Office staffers were fired on Hillary's orders.
How is that slur flawed?
A. Nobody except Dick Morris's whore has claimed Hillary ordered anything,
B. Do the Republicans know the MEANING of the word shame?
C. And the "innocent man" who "accidentally" put $50,000 of taxpayer money
Shit, had he been armed, he'd have NRA money behind him.
74. "I am the only president who knew agriculture."
Just for sport's sake, we'll grant you that one.
Compare that to Bob Dole's "Milk is as harmful as cigarettes."
75. Vetoed the bipartisan bill to ban late-term, partial-birth abortions,
Where are my boots?
There IS NO SUCH THING AS A PARTIAL BIRTH ABORTION!!!!
Besides, just for grins, assume the worst is true.
Susie "Creamcheese" Molinari,
Why doesn't Bob Dole get his OWN house in order?
Bob Dole's WIFE AND DAUGHTER are baby killers,
76. Third World dictators laugh at Warren Christopher.
Like Lebanon feared Ronald Reagan?
That argument is shakier than Limba on a step-ladder.
77. Percentage of Americans who believe the Clintons
Percentage of Americans who would rather
78. They don't call him "Slick Willie" for nothing.
They don't call Ollie North "Hezbollahboy" for nothing.
79. He wants more money for the National Endowment for the Arts.
Ok, OK. We gave you Craig Livingstone.
We gave you the I-know-farming "scandal."
OK, OK, we'll also give you the unforgivable sin of wanting to preserve
(Hold onto your hat)
80. National debt,
Is this the biggest shit of all 80 reasons?
1981 - Reagan inherits less than $1,000,000,000 debt,
True or False:
Going from $1 Tril debt to 4.5 Trillion is a 450% INCREASE.
What's bigger, Jacoby?
30 percent or 450 percent?
Then, the smug-smartass closes with this:
I know, I know - I've left out plenty.
But newsprint is expensive, and 80 reasons should be enough.
(80 reasons? You have Craig Livingstone, and I gave you farming
Jeffy-boy, you got 3 out of 80 correct.