Volume 235 - Less Than Zero

 August 1, 2000

 From: (withheld)

 Bartcop, you said,

> The Reagan apologists claim credit for the fall of Communism, too.
>  Boy, success has a hundred fathers, doesn't it?

 I guess that means Beirut was an orphan?



 I don't remember seeing Beirut during the Reagan tribute.
 Do you think they forgot?

 No, they're hoping we forget.

 They also wish we'd forget one of Reagan's best quotes concerning the 220 men
 who died in the barracks bombing in Lebanon. These men were housed on land
 against the wishes of the commanders in the field on the President's orders.
 It was called a "symbolic gesture" at the time.

 As he explained to the widow of a fallen soldier at the funeral,
 "We tried to get the concrete barriers installed in time to save them,
   but it's like the kitchen cabinets.
   No matter how early you order them, they always show up late."

 I can't prove Reagan said that,
 but he did.

 To the person who sent me that flame-thrower/hammer-smashing program,
 that totally destroyed everything on your screen if you fired long enough?

 ...what's the name of that file, again?


 ha ha

 Republican Def-Jam?

 ha ha

 Great Pundit Quotes

 "Impeachment didn't destroy Bill Clinton.
   It destroyed Newt Gingrich."

  -- Bill Schneider (N-Less whore than some)

 The Toughest Sign Seen Tonight


  ha ha

 This is the party of passion?


 Great Cro-Mag Quotes

 "They don't need me."
    --Dick Armey, when asked by Judy Woodruff why
       he wasn't speaking at this celebration of Republican renewal.

 How do you spell "LIE?"

 "If George W. Bush is a reformer, I'm an astronaut!"
     The John McCain figure on March 1, 2000

 "George W. Bush is the real reformer."
     The John McCain figure on August 1, 2000

 Candy the Whore

 "I'm soooo impressed with this professional, smooth,
   exciting, heart-warming, emotional, educational, honest show
   the Republicans have given us, ...as a gift to America."

 Candy, who slept with you to get you to say that?

 Great Lying McCain Quotes

 "We can always sleep soundly,
   knowing we didn't give in."

 ha ha

 John, is that lipstick you're wearing?
 Did they make you wear the dress?

 ha ha

 (clear throat...)

 Johnny, no kidding, you broke our hearts.
 A real war hero, who stood tall, and stood for something.
 I said good things about you back around Vol 151  The Pink-Ass Sissy
 But then you went to Carolina, John,

 .....and you turned whore.

 You should be so ashamed of yourself.
 You could've won it all, John.
 You were bigger than Bart Starr - then you turned you back on all minorities
 everywhere when you said Carolina could keep slaves if they wanted.

 What the fuck were you thinking?

 Did John McCain Throw the 2000 Election?
       The Big Story, Part !!

 ha ha

 That's all they can say on CNN.
 "McCain, the whore sell-out, sold out like a whore tonight."

Fans Disappointed!

 McCain insists he's Bush's cabanaboy,
 and if you look reeeeeal close,

 ......you can see he's favoring one cheek.

 ha ha


 Now McCain says he didn't say what he said!


 Great Under-the-Table Quotes

 "This wasn't the Straight Talk Express.
   This was the Oblique Talk Express."
     -- Bernard Shaw, (R-Wet Pants) after the McCain dive!

Chuck Hagel
  (picture not available)

 What was his point?
 Could somebody crank up the clue generator so I can get
 some idea what the hell Chuck Hagel was talking about?

 He started chanting...

   No escaping des-tin-y!"

 Wait, ...isn't that Gene Wilder in Young Frankenstein?

    No escaping des-tin-y!"

 I think it is...

 Heeeeeeeeeere's Johnny!

 Oh, Christ, my bullshit-detector just shook so hard it fell off the table.
 McCain must be ready to tell a whopper!!

 ...wait for it.....

 ...here it comes,

"Ladies and gentlemen, I stand here before you tonight,
 I promise you,
 If you give up soft money from the corporate intrests,
 you'll know a happiness more sublime than pleasure."

 ha ha

 What the fuck does that mean?
 "Happiness more sublime than pleasure?"

 No, thanks!
 I'll take the chicken enchiladas and two shots of Chinaco Anejo.

 ha ha

 "Happiness more sublime than pleasure?

 Sounds like Leno doing a bad Monica joke!

 ha ha

 Make him stop!

 Bag O!!!

 Damn, Bag O was only on for 45 seconds, at least on CNN.

 I hate it when Candy Crowley (R-CNN) lies thru her damn teeth.

 I used to like her, but in 1998,  when she pulled Clinton's zipper down,
 and reached into his pants and fished around for his cock, I lost all
 respect for her, and now she's at it again, fawning over the Reagan film.

 Candy, can't you stop pretending you're a Fox News Whore?

 The Reagan Video


 The whole thing looked like pictures on a Post Office wall.
 They started with the shooting, caused by the GOP being a whore.
 for whatever wild-ass policy the NRA decides they can live with
 when it comes to regulating cheap fucking handguns.

 Wanted - for pandering!

 They mentioned the Challenger explosion, caused by Ronald Reagan's staff!
 Remember, the State of the Union was later that night.
 Florida said they weren't ready to launch, but the White House told them,
 "The President is counting on you. The speech is tonight."
    ...so, they went with throttle up.

 Did he ever feel even just a little bit guilty for rushing that launch?

 Wanted - for Depraved Indifference!

 ha ha

 You know I can honestly say I've never lost
 a trial where I've filed "Depraved Indifference" Per Dictum?

 ha ha

 Then, Reagan the Wizard making the Berlin Wall fall because,
 well, by God, he just demanded it and nobody fucks with Reagan!
 At least that's the reason the Republicans give when you ask them.

 Wanted - for spending America to near-bankruptcy to fight
 an enemy that was falling apart right before our very eyes.

 The Reagan apologists claim credit for the fall of Communism, too.
 Boy, success has a hundred fathers, doesn't it?
 I guess, then, Beruit was an orphan?

 Y'know, the sun rose in the East during the Reagan Administration.
 So, I guess we should thank Bonzo's smarter co-star?

 Then, the tragedy at Reyjavik, where Nancy's goddamn astrologer gave
 America permission to close the deal, when Mars alligned with Jupiter.

 Wanted - for reckless endangerment, for allowing a fucking snake-handling
 star-gazer to be instrumental in plotting our goddamn future.

 When it was over, 8-Wives asked Tennesse Tuxedo why Reagan was so believable.
 Tux said it was because Reagan really believed that shit he talked.

 Oh, please!!!!
 What a crock of horseshit!

 Do you think the FACT that Reagan was a professional ACTOR
 might've had ANYTHING to do with his believability before a camera?

 Then they called Nancy, "The one true love of his life!"

 Hey, she was wife #2, OK?
 If he didn't love Spock's mother, he shouldn't have married her.

 Christ, I wish I had more time.
 I can't type as far as they lie!

 I need a staff.

 Wacky Pataki?

 What's he doing there?
 Why isn't he in the dog house?
 Oh, is it because he's pro-choice?

 ha ha

 The pro-choicers all get to speak at Nazi-Con 2000.

 That takes balls, reminding everybody which party
 had the only president so crooked, he'd have to resign.

 They just mentioned the "successful" Mayaguez rescue.
 We lost 40 marines in that "success."

 Why would......

 Oh, I forgot!
 No Clinton's cock - no foul!

 They'd ALWAYS rather they die in a "successful" GOP war,
 than have Clinton pull off a "no casualties" war.


 Now they gave Ford credit for the Camp David accords.
 I could SWORN that was Carter...

 Who's the white guy?

 C-Span's the only network watching him...

 Don Regan!
 Hey, Don!
 What time do you have?

 ha ha ha ha

 It's former-Choco-Chief-of-Staff Baker!

 He's the guy who told Reagan what his crimes were!!

 Who's that old Hound Dog?

 Why, that's no hound dog - that's Tennessee Tuxedo!!!

 The Lick!

 Larry 8-wives is throwing him softballs, as always.
 Larry, don't let him leave!

 Ask him which night he's anchoring!!!

 Boy, so far it's nothing like last night.

 A super-short speech from Norm, and a shorter one from Dole.


 What's that?

 ...my sources tell me the Smirk camp has a small campfire going, out back,
 and they've put a couple of small branding irons into the fire to warm up.

 Is McCain in the house?

 ha ha

 They say when the human ass gets branded,
 the smell never really goes away.

 ha ha

 I wouldn't know?
 Does it, Smirk?

 Switching back & forth between CNN & Fox, I notice that
 Fox Whore News's signal is behind CNN's signal, a second or two late.


 Bob Dole!!

 I thought he was dead!
 Is this really him?

 "It's not too late for a recount..."

 ha ha
 That's Bob Dole.

 "Inspire unborn generations?"
  How do you do that, Bob?

 "The path thru the stars?"
  How do you do that, Bob?

 I see he still has that saaaaaaame speechwriter...

 ha ha

 Dole just thanked the people of "Kans."

 Do us a favor, Bob, and get off the stage before you
 screw up and make us hate you all over again.


 Don't tell too many lies, OK Norman?

 He's honoring Smirk daddy!

Somebody wake up President Butch!

 Celebrity Mail

 From: Dave Gonzo

 Subject: don't we wish

 "Madame Secretary, the great state of Oklahoma,
  sick of being called 'the Knuckledrag State,'
  fed up with Uncle OJ Watts,
  nauseated by Senator Pissquick,
  totally ashamed of the fake compassion shoved down our throat last night,
  tells Dubya he can stick it in his nose with Newt's coke spoon and
  casts all its votes for the next President of the United States,

  .....Al Gore..."

 (Editor's Note: Dave, of course, is a Senior Fellow at
                           American Politics Journal Institute)

 It's almost 8 PM.
 Have they done anything yet?

 It's George P. Bush, lying his ass off!!!

 He just told 8-Wives he was a "free agent" and looked into being a
 Democrats OR a Republican, and was undecided, but when he say his
 Uncle Smirk's "great accomplishments," he knew he had to turn GOP.


 From: Marc Perkel marc@ctyme.com

 Subject: Guyz in orange caps

 CNN was talking about Bush's secret convention floor police, the guys in
 the orange caps. They were there to make sure the Christians didn't
 embarrass Bush when the gay republican congressman was speaking.

 Got to go, someone's at the door.
 Oh my God!
 The guyz in the orange caps have come to take me away!

 Got you hit the send button!


 ha ha

 Like Gorby, getting that last e-mail sent!

 Philly is buzzing at the rumor Smirk brought his branding iron.

 Picture from Vol 146 - You Can Indict My Pig

 Rumor has it Smirk has snuck into town early.

 While former-hero McCain is giving his speech, troops loyal to Smirk
 are going to sneak up behind him and REMOVE HIS PANTS!!!.

 ...'em panties, too.

 While McCain has his underwear around his ankles, Smirk's boys will hold him down
 like a Texas steer while Smirk burns the "Double B" Butch Brand into his ass!

 Flaw in the plan?

 They want to do this early in the speech, so the humiliated, pantsless McCain
 has to give the rest of his speech in tears, with a burning ass-cheek.
 When he finishes, Smirk is expected to refer to McCain as "my bitch."

 Don't Miss This!!

 The Philadelphia Story - Part 2
     Exclusive for  bartcop.com  Readers

 Click  Here

 Paul Begala Shoots the Bull

 Gen. Powell gave the best Democratic speech of the year.
 He called for spending more on classrooms and spending more
 on teachers -- which is the Gore education agenda.

 He said every child should have health care -- which stands in sharp
 contrast to W's record of opposing Children's Health Insurance. He said
 we should stop building prisons and start building kids -- of course,
 Bush doesn't just want more prisons, he wants more death chambers.

 Powell said that kids belong not only to their parents, but to all of us -- sounds more
 like Hillary Clinton's "It Takes a Village" than George W's Village Idiot campaign.

 Powell told the delegates that the party should endorse affirmative action.
 He didn't mince words, striking at the heart of the GOP, saying:
 "Some in our party miss no opportunity to roundly and loudly condemn affirmative
 action that helped a few thousand Black kids get an education, but hardly a whimper
 is heard from them over affirmative action for lobbyists who load our federal tax codes
 with preferences for special interests.... it doesn't work."


 By the way...

 I think you folks should save a few newspapers from this week.
 The GOP is deciding who will take which cabinet post and such,
 even tho Gore's going to make Smirk eat it.

 So keep a few papers and save a few of these columns so
 we can laugh when Gore wins by 7 points in November 7th.

 ...but some people disagree with me.

 Smirk Can't Lose
    by Lard Eric Nelson

 Click  Here

 Pigboy has started using the term, "Sidebar."

 You don't think...


 From:  jeffkoenig@yahoo.com

 Subject: Karl Rove on Yahoo Chat today at 5:30PM CST

 I'll try to be there, using "Robert Ingersoll",
 If you aren't there, I'll sting him with a few Bartcop-isms,
 and try to sneak your URL in.


  5:30 CST, I can dig it.
(Ediotr's Note: Karl Rove is Smirk's "handler.")

 Miller's Best Lines Last Night

 As the MNF camera panned the stands in Canton, Miller said,
 "Ironically, you can't get any good Cantonese food in this town."

 Miller had a better debut than the San Francisco 49ers.
 "It's more like the 47ers out there," said Miller, long past the point
 when San Francisco was showing any chance to win.

 There were a few gaffes. One was his slip in reporting that
 Drew Bledsoe "was sacked 55 times last night."
 He came back after a commercial and said,
 "My mistake. Bledsoe was sacked 56 times last night."

 Like most good comics, Miller is blessed with a huge cultural data bank
 and lightning recall. But Miller pulls deeper, and often stranger, than others.

 Somehow he worked the Rosetta Stone in, and Jack Lord's hair.
 Bill Belichick, he said, "blinks about as frequently as Clint Eastwood
 in a Sergio Leone film."

 He also said Ronnie Lott turned receivers into pillars of salt.
 ha ha
 He said Canton. Ohio was the Tigris and Euphrates of American football.
 He also brought up Smirk and the sword of Damocles.

 Stupid Ass Quotes

 "Rush Limbaugh would've been better in the MNF booth. Rush knows
  the game and he wouldn't hesitate to light up a cigar in the booth."

  Yeah, asshole.
  That way, while gasping for oxygen,
  you could pretend you're watching the game in Houston.

 From:  friedcheese@endofdays.com

 Subject: Good Question to Ask Smirk

 Good question to ask Smirk, if you ever get a chance.

 "Why is free trade a great way to cure the Chinese of their
 Communism, but a terrible idea where Cuba is concerned?"

 Voice inside Smirk's head: "Can't win Florida without those wacko
 Miami Cubans. Can't win the election without Florida."

 Betcha he tells you what a BAAAAAAAD man Castro is,
 changes the subject, or just ignores you.


 Eliot, he already did.
 In one of the primary debates, he was asked that.
 His answer?

 "The difference is, in China, they have a WHIFF of freedom."

 Swear to Koresh

 From:  RWogalr@FiFiFoFum.org

 Subject: Colin's A Switchhitter

 "If he were the president, I would have to take it under serious consideration,"
  Colin Powell said after being asked on ABC's "Good Morning Whores"
  if he would like to work for President-elect Gore.

 Hard to Believe

 The vulgar Pigboy is re-running yesterday's show!

 Can you believe that?
 His party opened their convention last night, and he's got nothing
 to talk about so he's re-running his "gravitas" collage like that means something.

 He accuses "the media" of "all using thw word gravitas
 as though they were the only ones using that word."

 What the fuck does that mean?
 He's losing his grip.
 He's no longer able to stay on-point.
 Why doesn't his staff help him?

 Has he created such a "kingdom" that no "little people" dare approach
 the emporer and explain to him that the giant cyst on his ass is showing?

 Stroke Me, Stroke Me

 Rush just accused Clinton if being guilty of "Scandal-gate."

 ha ha

 Poor diseased bastard...

 I haven't heard anything about this anywhere else,
 but Jay Leno said Linda Tripp's body had rejected her face lift.

 ha ha

 Anyone hear anything about this?

The Secret is Out!

From: Butlerfoto@Netwalk.com

We're supposed to hear from a gay Republican tonight, and we haven't
yet seen John Kasich, the man who balanced the federal budget.

Do you think John's coming out tonight?

Jeb Bush Kills Motorcyle Rights Activist

FORT MYERS, Florida (AP) -- A motorcycling enthusiast who applauded
Florida's new helmet-free law has died as a result of a motorcycle accident in
which she wasn't wearing a helmet.

Dorthy Rushton, a bad speller, smashed her Harley Saturday and was thrown
more than 50 feet. She died Monday from injuries she sustained in the crash.

Rushton probably would have survived had she been wearing a helmet,
said Florida Highway Patrol Cpl. John Schultz. He said the lack of a helmet
"greatly" contributed to her injuries.

Gov. Jeb Bush last month signed into law a measure to let motorcyclists age 21
and older ride without helmets. It took effect July 1.

Friends said Rushton's "life's passion" was motorcycle riding without a helmet.

...and it only took Jeb a month to kill her.

 I Have a Question

 Which night will Trent Lott be speaking?

 Trent Lott is the most powerful Republican in the most deliberative body
 in the greatest country in the world, so where the hell is he?

 Why are they keeping Trent chained up in the basement in Philly?

 Free Trent Lott!
 Free Trent Lott!
 Free Trent Lott!
 Free Trent Lott!

 Call your friends, get behind the movement!

 Free Trent Lott!
 Free Trent Lott!
 Free Trent Lott!
 Free Trent Lott!

 Stand up, and go to your windows.
 Open those windows wide and chant with me!

 Free Trent Lott!
 Free Trent Lott!
 Free Trent Lott!
 Free Trent Lott!

 They're chanting in New York and Los Angeles!

 Free Trent Lott!
 Free Trent Lott!
 Free Trent Lott!
 Free Trent Lott!

 They're chanting in Miami, Chicago and Boston!

 Free Trent Lott!
 Free Trent Lott!
 Free Trent Lott!
 Free Trent Lott!

 ...but they're not chanting in Philly.

 Guess who got fired?

 The vulgar Pigboy is whaling against the Demcrats for not
 allowing pro-lifers speakers to come to the podium in two weeks.

 "If we're having Powell speak, and lecture us on our short-comings,
  the Democrats should have pro-lifers speaking."

  Hey, Pigboy!

 It's not our fault if there are no heroes in the GOP!
 The big hero in the GOP is pro-choice and pro-affirmative action!

 If you wanted someone to spew the party line as written in the platform,
 get Delay, Burton, Barr and Gingrich up there, you lying no-cyst-lancing pig.

 The Democrats believe in their platform.

 Great McCain Quotes

 "Why did I lose the primaries to that idiot Smirk?
   It's because I was surrounded by incompetents."
   -- Everybody's favorite former-hero

 ha ha

 Guess which race his top "incompetent," Mike Murphy, is working on now?

 ha ha

 Pigboy just came on here.
 he says last night was about "normal, everyday Republicans."

 ha ha

 Funny, David Gergan called them "cross-dressers."

 I wonder...

 Thursday night, when Smirk gives his big speech, will he swear
 to never allow a contributor to spend the night in the Lincoln Bedroom?

 No, he fucking won't, because he's going to have contributor after
 contributor in the Lincoln Bedroom just like every president before him.

 From:  sniper@cei.net

 Subject: Big Drama Tonight!

 Hey BC, did ya hear...

 The only openly gay republican is scheduled to talk tonight and many of
 the people on the floor are talking about walking out of "The Big Tent"


 Looks like Powell's "knock off the Nazi hate" speech didn't take.

 I wonder if the only openly black representative will introduce him?

 From: sabutai@ix.netcom.com

 Subject: The Wrestler who hit Stossel

 DUDE: Piccolo is wrong on the name of the Wrestler
 who boxed Stossel so hard up side his head he lost
 some hearing in one of his ears. It was not Sid Viscious.

 The guy's name was David Schultz.

 He was let go by the WWF as soon as his contract was up
 after this incident and never had much of a career after that.
 Wrestled mostly on the local circuits, never made it
 back to the big leagues again.

 Retired now, has a wrestling school in the East
 somewhere like NYC or Boston.

 Hmmm, Sabutai knows his wrestling, ...what to do?

 I know!
 CAGE MATCH between Piccolo and Sabutai!

 Gore Has No Worries

  "I'm going to pin him to the wall on abortion, you can bet on it."
   -- Gore, talking about the bloodletting to come.

  Click  Here

 From: PiccoloGT15@aol.com

 Subject: Two things


 One, I'd just like you to know that I enjoyed your theory, if it means
 anything. I mean, it's all true, when you look at it, You're like that guy in
 that Norman Rockwell picture, who's standing up with the paper in his hand,
 not caring what everyone else is going to say. Keep it alive, Bartcop.

 And the wrestler that smacked that fruity Stossel was Sid Vicious,
 also known as Psycho Sid or, in his earlier days, Sid Justice.
 If you don't know, he's over 6'5 I believe, and just muscularly huge.
 Stossel is all of 4'7 and throws like a girl.


 ABC's John Stossel Caught Lying
  From USA Today, Page 4D

 John Stossel, Pigboy's favorite TV talk show whore, has been caught lying
 in a story about organic foods. Stossel, who always has an anti-consumer slant
 to his bullshit, claimed in two different reports that non-organic food was
 just as pesticide-free as organic food.

 The company that provided the big liar with his "facts" said they never
 tested either food for pesticides, so it's pretty goddamn unlikely that
 Stossel was spewing anything but pro-business bias to screw consumers.

 Remember Stossel's most exciting moment?
 He asked some wrestler, forget which, if wrestling was really fake.
 I saw this live, myself, and it was great!

 This wrestler smacked the living shit out of Stossel.
 Then Wrestleboy said something like, "Does that feel fake?"

 ha ha

 Stossel lost the hearing in one ear and sued the wrestler.
 If anyone knows the name of the wrestler, send that it
 so I can offer a shot of Chinaco to him as a toast.

 Speaking of shots of tequila...

 I'd like to offer a shot of Jose Cuervo to every idiot sportswriter
 who thought "It's Miller Time" was a really clever play on words
 to announce Dennis Miller's football premier.

 Plus, I assume Dennis doesn't drink tequila.

 He's been using some tequila shot metaphor to describe his attitude.
 It something like  "after forcing down the harsh shot of tequila of football ignorance,
 tasting the refreshing wedge of lime of learning saves the day," something like that.

 Hey, Dennis!
 You have $40?

 Buy the Chinaco - you won't need the lime.


 Sears confirmed to StopDrLaura.com today that it "will no longer
 advertise on the Dr. Laura show as a result of recent comments."

 Sears' Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual Associates (GLAS) representative
 Jeff Hamm told StopDrLaura.com in an interview this morning that the
 retail giant has severed its ties to Laura the Martyr for gay-baiting.

 "Sears is the latest corporate giant to decide that Laura is bad for business,"
 said John Aravosis, co-founder of StopDrLaura.com.

 "Paramount and Viacom need to recognize that intolerance doesn't pay."
 According to the New York Whore Times, the protests have scared off
 10% of Laura's advertisers to her radio show, in addition to her only
 announced advertiser for her TV show, Procter & Gamble,
 America's #2 advertising giant.

 Great Vulcan Quotes

 "One person can never guarantee the actions of another."
    -- Mr. Spock, forget which episode.
      I think it's the one with the female Romulan Commander.



 yet every minority woman that spoke last night,
 including that poor, blind, disabled, lesbian Asian woman,
 GUARANTEED Smirk would do right by them.

 They didn't say, "We believe" Smirk would do right.
 They didn't say, "based on past experience, we feel comfy..."
 They didn't say, "I know him, and I'm sure he'll do X and Y,"

 No, they flat-out gave us a GUARANTEE!

 They GUARANTEED Smirk would do right by the blind.
 They GUARANTEED Smirk would do right by the disabled.
 They GUARANTEED Smirk would do right by the gays.
 They GUARANTEED Smirk would do right by the poor.
 They GUARANTEED Smirk would do right by the immigrants.
 They GUARANTEED Smirk would do right by the women,



 yet Mr. Spock says that's not possible.

 So, which side is lying?

 The Vulcan?
 Or the paid-for, whore-Judas women?

 "Vulcans cannot tell a lie," Spock tells us, from that same episode...

 From:  alfredlias@yahoo.com

 Subject: monday night football

 Was Dennis Miller great?
 Not really.

 Did he stink up the booth?
 Far from it.

 Was he better than Rush Limbaugh the third?
 Beyond a reasonable doubt, for at least two reasons.

 First, anyone who could wash down a few pounds of baked beans with
 a gallon of beer and fart for three hours would be better than the pigboy.
 After all, most of what Limba produces is solid effluent.(this is not
 meant to denigrate Dennis by comparison, only to show how
 incredibly bad the Cystboy really is)

 Second, Dennis did not try to force anything.
 Whether it was opening night nerves or just cautiously feeling out the new
 format, he didn't try to substitute quantity for quality - unlike Rush who has
 diarrea of  the mouth to complement his constipation of the brain.
 (it's hard to avoid scatological references when talking about someone
 whose name can be pronounced Flush Limbaugh the Turd)

 Finally, ABC deserves credit for making the decision against the wishes
 of 20 million idiots, many of whom are rich and powerful assholes
 (almost anyone named Bush for example)

 Unlike Paramount, plunging ahead with Dr. Whora, against the wishes
 of the rest of humanity, in some secret studio with an audience of
 extras who are paid to act like fans.

 Go figure.


 Al, I agree 100 percent, which is rare.
 I think he intentionally low-keyed the night.
 If we were saying "fan-fucking-tastic" this morning, he'd probably have
 pissed off a lot of people and be headed for burnout.

 He was just a pleasant, friendly guy explaining the game.


 1. He was at the Hall of Fame ceremonies the day before.
     ABC wisely kept him hidden.
     We don't want the new funnyboy upstaging Montana et al.
      Here's what USA Today said yesterday:

While each legend stood in the doorway, waiting to be introduced to the partygoers
one by one, Miller kept blurting out their names before ESPN's Chris Berman,
who was the evening's official master of ceremonies. How many people,
much less educated sportswriters, could eyeball blasts-from-the-past, such
as Joe ''The Jet'' Perry, Tommy McDonald and Bobby Mitchell, and
properly identify them without any prompting?

    His great observation?

How many hard-care football fans would witness such a grand procession --
not even think of asking for their autographs -- and be so moved that they'd
say, as Miller did: ''So many have that walk, that hobble, that limp.
It's so touching. . . . It adds to their nobility.''

     That was touching.
     I'd never thought about a "noble limp" before he said that.
     I have a little more respect for football players because of his observation.
     He's rich and famous because he knows how to use words.
       If I had his brains and his gift for phrasing, I would've had more than
       85 hits for last nights exciting LIVE coverage of Nazi-Con 2000,
       which should be even better tonight with the coverage of the
      "procession of heroes whose asses were kicked by Clinton."

     Second, Al Michaels asked him what was new or surprising to him.
     Dennis said, "The crunching sounds when these guys collide."
     That' something I've never heard live.
     I've been to college games, but never a pro football game.
     Even if you didn't like Miller before last night,
     you probably like him after last night.

     Lastly, just his observations that he can't help but blurt out.
     Al Michaels mentioned "minor groin surgery," and Miller couldn't keep inside
     if you'd had a gun to his head. He said something like,  "There is no such thing
     as minor surgery when you get a scalpal near your groin."

     I think he'll be around for a while...

 I don't know his name, but that little Fox weasel that was prowling the floor
 looking for stories said the House Cock-Hunt Managers were all scared as hell
 that they were going to take it in the ass this November.

 Ain't that a fucking shame?

 You mean those years of Cock-hunting hatred might come back to hurt them?

 You mean when poll after poll told them the country was PISSED OFF
 about their lil' Cock Hunt, that Tom Delay said they HAD to keep pushing,
 and they kept grabbing abd kept grabbing, and now they're in trouble?

 Har har hardy har har!

 That's the REAL reasoin we're seeing all this sugar and schmaltz.

 The GOP did a shitload of focus groups and found out they were HATED!
 All they could do is pretend it didn't happen and hide the bad guys.

 By the way,

 Which night will Henry Hyde be hosting?

 Hey, Henry!

 The flag is falling, you cheating scumbag bastard!

 From: (withheld)

 Subject: Russert on Imus

 Yo BC!!

 I just returned from Vegas and I was thinking of you...

 Did you make it to Taqueria Cononita?

 It's where God goes after a bad day.

 But to the point of my message...

 This morning on Imus, Russert said, about C. Powell's speach and his comment
 about caring for black children the entire year, not just for the upcoming
 election cycle, that Powell has "redefined the Republican party!"
 He did that all in one sentence!!

 from your number one fan in CT!!

 Joe Tom

 Joe, thanks.
 It's just like that whore Russert to cheer-lead for the Nazi party.
 Did you know there was a timew when Russert wasn't a racist prick?
 remember, this is the party that thinks the Berlin Wall came down
 because Ronald Von Reagan said "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall."

 If that magic shit really works, why doesn't Nancy have Ronny say,
 "Bad brain - go away" so we can have him back?

 After eight years of whining about Democrat bullshit with soccer moms,
 the GOP has gone all pretend-warm and fuzzy. Every network, including
 the suddenly semi-hostile Fox Whore News, has been asking who the hell
 these people were last night under the Republican banners.

 Rush better be outraged today.

 There is no more GOP as we've come to know it.
 The GOP has put on a skirt.


 Before I could hit "Send," David Gergen said
 "This has become a party of cross-dressers!"

 ha ha

 Pigboy's gonna have a cow.

 From: (withheld)


 I thought Pickles could have used a few more snaps
 with the first squad  on the teleprompter also.
 Maybe Mrs. Dick can help her out on that front, ha ha.

 You wrote:

 >I'm trying to do a screen grab of this great sign they're waving...
 >It says, "We're Happy and United."

  ha ha

 Ever since I saw that,
 I’ve had this friggin’ tune going through my head.

 If you’re happy and united
 Clap your hands
 If you’re happy and united
 Clap your hands
 If you’re happy and united
 But you’ve yet to be indicted
 If you’re happy and united
 Clap your hands.

 Robert, (whoops!)
 I think they were really playing that song.

 Smirk Daddy's Threat

 On MSNBC, former President Bush told Jamie Gangel,
 "If Clinton doesn't knock off the insults about my boy Smirk inside a month,
   I'm gonna tell the nation what I think about him as a human being and a person.''

 ha ha

 That'll shut Clinton up.

 Full  Story

 From: aadrian@tampabay.rr.com

 Subject: Big Faux Pas

 Hey Bartcop!

 While watching MSNBC and Brian Wiliams after the convention,
 the camera pans to the auditorium (and swear to Koresh)
 there are TWO black guys sweeping away.

 Can it get any better than this?


 ha ha

 It proves there IS room for blacks in the GOP.

 Eargasm from Nazi-Con 2000

 I mentioned this during the instant, live analysis, but I couldn't get it
 uploaded because we were still taping and I have no engineering skills
                                                 Boy, if I only had a staff...

 Smirk had a bad moment.

 For some damn reason, the leader of the whole damn party dropped
 in to introduce one of his potential employees, Colin Powell.

 It could happen to anybody (snicker) but the sound boys screwed up.
 They faded out the crowd audio, so when Smirk made wild proclamations,
 he stopped and waited for applause that wasn't heard by nobody.

 This is real short
 Click  Here

 Exclusive Report from Philly

 Click  Here

  The Hammer is About to Fall

 Tuesday night - White Men

 Stormin'  Norman Schwartzkopf will start by scaring us.
 Then Old Bob Dole, big loser from 1996, and a video tribute to Gerald Ford,
 the big loser of 1976, then Ronald Reagan, the actor/arms salesman,
 then finally - spurter of the Demon Seed - Smirk Daddy, big loser of 1992.

 Then Condoleeza Rice with an tasty Alfredo Sauce.
 Then former-hero McCain will talk about Dixie flags and integrity.

 Will he seize the moment for payback to Smirk?

 ha ha

 Great Late Night Quotes

 "We already have compassionate conservatives.
   They're called Democrats!"
     -- Bill Maher, Libertariam

A Minority I Didn't See

 Erik Weihenmayer, a blind mountain climber, opened the convention with
 the National Anthem.  He asked why the GOP cut funding for research into
 diseases that cause blindness, and was hustled off the stage and
 roughed up by the wiseguys who were guarding Jimmy Hoffa Junior.

 "Would I what?

Uncle O.J. Watts reacted nagatively when some white guy
asked him to help unload some lumber trucks backstage.

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