Volume 151 - The Pink-Ass Sissy

Misc Stuff - October 21

SW Bell says I'll have my digital line November 1.
Soon after we might have some moving pictures.
I want to do this streaming thing, but you can always DL those incredibly
huge files and judge for yourself if it's worth DLing more.

Lately, I've been trying to put enough text at the beginning of a story
so the pictures will be there when you're done reading the setup.

I think if several people contact me about something, I should address it.
I've gotten a flood of mail about Sheryl Crow and Elaine dancing.
I know Elaine dances funny - that was the whole point.
I will attempt to use my video card to show you what I meant about Sheryl.
I like her music, but she dances like Elaine - it was a joke!

Several people whote about this comment:

This week, I missed James Carville and Susan McDougal appearances on talk shows.
Those are about the only two Democrats I can stomach.

Perhaps "stomach" was the wrong word to use.
What I meant was Democrats put me to sleep.
If I turn on Meet the Whore and see Barney Frank, John Kerry and Tom Daschle,
I know I won't have anything to write about, so it's a waste of time, because they're sane.

But if I see Scumbag Burton, Baby-killer Barr or Maddog Inhofe,
I know I can get a few laughs out of whatever they're going to say.

I didn't mean to say I don't like Democrats.
Koresh, you'd think after 4 years and 150 issues that would be clear.

Thanks to all who wrote about Foxnews.com but it didn't help.
I just checked it, and out of all three shows tonight, the only guest they
have scheduled so far is Joe Garagiola talking baseball.

However, they did say Pizza Hut was running a commercial ragging Hillary
for being such an evil carpetbagger. Fox lies like a goddamn Persian rug, so who knows,
but if someone sees that Pizza Hut commercial, let me know.
Before I attack another pizza company, I want to be on solid ground.
(Remember what happened with Dominos...)

It would be nice if Fox and CNN and MSNBC would send out e-mail at 6 PM
saying who's going to be on every show that night, but no, that would take precious seconds
and it might increase viewership, so they don't bother.

By the way, when did Paula Zahn turn fascist whore?

I caught her show a few weeks ago and she's Pigboy's exact twin.
She's more slanted than Pythagorea's erection.
At Fox, they don't even pretend they're being fair.
The Zahn interview I caught was with that O'Reilly bastard.
Paula was asking "fair" questions like,

"Why would the Attorney General illegally allow Clinton's crimes to go unpunished?"
as though it had been established that a crime had been committed.

Then that prick O'Reilly answered, "because she's just as guilty as Clinton."
Yep, you can't beat that Fox "We report, you decide" fairness.

Has Paula Zahn always been a dirty fascist whore?
Or did she turn into one the day she joined Fox?

For better or worse, a lot more is being written/posted at bartcop.com
It's been suggested by many that "The Latest" takes too long to load.
Graphics are mostly to blame, but that's easily solved.

I will move chunks from "The Latest"  into "Back Issues" more quickly.
So if you're only checking in now and then, you may have to check "Back Issues,"
to see what was written a couple of days ago.

This week, I missed James Carville and Susan McDougal appearances on talk shows.

Those are about the only two Democrats I can stomach.
Does anyone know how I can get information about the daily talk shows?

I can dial up cnn.com and get Larry (Eight-Wives) King info,
but those Fox whores don't have a dot.com, do they?

Somebody help me out.
How can I find out who's on what shows?

Open Letter to Elizabeth Dole

Dear Bag O' Hairspray,

Shop whining.
You never had a chance to be elected to anything in the Grand Old Fascist Party.
You have a uterus.

The All-White Boys Club isn't going to let "some uterus" run their show.
Besides, Dr. Laura says the military will not take orders from a skirt.

How stupid are you to believe you had a chance?
All that praise you got in '96 in San Diego?
That was press whore bullshit for Bob's benefit.
It was manufactured praise.
Are you claiming you didn't know that?

ha ha

You can't be that stupid.
All those "meaningful" jobs you were appointed to were payback
for Beltway Bob getting Archer-Daniels-Midland that billion-dollar tax break.
Are you really so stupid that you didn't realize that?

You can't be that stupid.

Can you?

You need to stop whining, and go back to Russell, Kansas with Bob.
Oh, that's right.

Your husband was lying to the American people when he said,
"For Bob Dole, it's the White House or Russell, Kansas."
America won't allow a liar in the White House.

Old Bob Dole became the highest paid lobbyist in the Beltway,
often representing other countries against America.

Bob Dole never set foot in Russell, Kansas unless it was a year divisible by six.

The liar and the whiner should go back to their condo in Loserville, Florida.
(By the way, Bob. Who paid for that condo?)

Update on the new prick in town, Robert Ray.
The Get-the-Clintons-at-any-cost Republicans are at it again!

This wasn't known when Hating-Robert-Ray season began, but
Rudy Gulliani was Ray's first boss.

Robert Ray owes Rudy for his career,
Hillary is Rudy's opponent for the Senate,
and it's Ray's decision if Hillary gets indicted?

Who's the idiot that set this up?

They couldn't find anybody else?
They appoint a Rudy loyalist to investigate his opponent?

Compared to Robert Ray,  Kenneth Starr looks more impartial.

If Ray indicts Hillary to help his old boss get elected,
Carville will point out how incredibly bad that looks for the GOP,
and Pigboy will accuse Carville of the "politics of personal destruction."

...and the beat goes on,

As I write this, I'm pissed off.
I'm pissed off at that son-of-a-Butch, George Dubya.

There's a man in prison in Texas for drunk driving.

Drunk driving is a serious crime that can be fatal.
Repeat offenders should go to prison - but should they
get the death penalty for drunk driving if nobody was hurt?

That's what Dirk Moore might get in Texas.
He's due to be released next April, but will he live that long?

He has a rapidly progressing hepatitis C infection.
His liver is failing.
He has repeatedly asked for, but has been denied, medical treatment.

Butchie doesn't think basic human rights includes medical care?

There's another man named Gerald Jones in the same position.
He got 30 years for assaulting a cop.

He got dirty blood from a transfusion in 1989 and contracted
the same condition, hepatitis C, and his liver is failing.

The families of both men have asked Butchie to step in and have the state of Texas
provide life-saving medicine, but so far Governor Blow Monkey has been too busy
running around the country proclaiming himself a "compassionate conservative."

Just last week, I saw an interview with John McCain.
McCain said he thanked the North Vietnamese for saving his life by operating on him,
with 2,000 pound bombs dropped from B-52s.

It seems the North Vietnamese treated their P.O.W.s better than
that son-of-a-Butch treats his own countrymen rotting in his Texas prisons.

Why isn't the "compassionate conservative" at least as as compassionate
as the North Vietnamese when our B-52s are pounding them?

I'll tell you why.

Butchie can't be seen "coddling" criminals with medical care.
If he's seen doing that, the McVeigh wing of the GOP will dump him.

It seems like every week that goes by, there's more proof why
the Cocaine Goldenboy isn't fit to sit behind Bill Clinton's desk.

I'm ashamed of GW Butch.

He's less compassionate than the North Vietnamese in wartime.

Great Bitch Quotes

"I believe my show has brought more people back to the Catholic Church
 than anything the Pope has ever said."

  -- Dr. Laura the Slut, who needs a dozen tugboats to dock her ego.

October 20

I think Hillary is making a big mistake, postponing her decision to run.

First, the postponement makes her look uncertain.
What is she waiting for?

Second, she's hurting the New York Democratic Party, and all Democrats.
If she announces next year that she's not running, who will?
Somebody will need to scramble together a campaign, and if they lose,
Hillary will get the blame.

Also, for the next six years, any bill that fails by one vote will be Hillary's fault.
Surely, you agree, right?

If not, E-Mail BartCop

Hillary - make your announcement!

Bad Language Alert

I have a question for you.

Let's say you're a 40 year-old single man.
You're going to a high-profile event, like a wedding..
After the wedding, people are going to be dancing.
So, you're going to be seen dancing with your date.

Now, your two choices for a date are Elaine from Seinfeld or Sheryl Crow.
Knowing your friends will see you two dancing, who do you invite?
I like Sheryl Crow's music, but I'd have to ask Elaine.

Dancing with Sheryl would be too embarrassing.

Boy, that Rush is an honest guy.

Tuesday, he said "Matt Drudge is all over a story that some guy has a book
coming out that claims Governor Butch used cocaine."

No, you lying, Nazi whore - that's NOT what the book says, and you know it.
Even ditto-monkey's can dial up Drudge's page, so why lie to them?

The book says that Butch was arrested, and Daddy covered it up!

Why lie to your own sheep, Rush?

..and where the hell is the mainstream press?

When Drudge said Clinton fathered a baby by a crack whore in Little Rock,
the New York Fucking Times put that lie on their front page!
Same for the Washington Post - big headlines, "Did Clinton Father Child?"

But when a charge is made against Gov. Blow Monkey, they're silent?
That's bullshit.

...and Pigboy has the nerve to say the press is Clinton's ally?

The Nazi whore says there's big-time dirt coming on John McCain.
"Some of the stuff John McCain did while in that North Vietnamese prison will shock you."

I can't speak for everyone, but I don't care what McCain did while he was a P.O.W.
I don't care if he denounced the United States and called us killers.

Koresh knows if Ol'BartCop was hanging from his broken arms, I'll say anything.
I'll say Clinton is guilty and Rush is a decent human being.

I think it's pretty low for the GOP to turn on McCain.
And whoever leads the charge better be a former P.O.W. himself.
I don't want to hear from some pink-ass sissy that McCain didn't do the right thing.

The pink-ass sissy list includes:

Pigboy, the Gutless Whore
Governor Blow Monkey
Pat Buchanan
E. Coli Dole
That Gary Bauer woman
Steve Forbes
The Indiana Spud and anyone else who hasn't been to war.

Just this once, I'm going to be nice to Ollie the Traitor.
If Ollie North wants to stand up and call McCain names, at least he's a decorated war hero.
If Colin Powell or Admiral Stockdale or somebody else who's been to war has a problem
with McCain, I'll listen to their complaints and make a decision afterwards.

It's my guess men who've been to war understand.
Jesus Christ, they offered to let McCain go, but he said, "Not while the others are here."

McCain has said he'd done things he wasn't proud of in that P.O.W. camp,
but who the fuck can blame the guy for going a little nuts?

Unlike the bastards at the GOP,
I stand behind our military men.

If a pink-ass sissy goes after McCain, I'm going to make him eat it.

E-Mail me if you disagree.

Remember this guy?

>From: "Rater, Doyle" <DRater@firewall1.pelco.com>

>Subject: Web Page

>Nice web page.  Just reinforces the opinion that conservatives have of
>Hypocrats like you.  When you can't debate issues, resort to insults.

I e-mailed my offer to debate.
He wrote back and said since I was "hiding behind a fake name,"
there was "no need" to bother with debating me.

Pardon me, Doyle, but I was "hiding behind a fake name" when you contacted me.

They will always find an excuse not to test the strength of their ideas.

U.S. Murder Rate Hits Lowest Level in 31 Years

WASHINGTON (Reuters) -- The lowest murder rate in the United States
in more than 30 years contributed to the seventh-straight drop
in the nation's crime level, the FBI said Sunday.

Yep, we need to get rid of that bad, bad Bill Clinton
and elect a good, decent, law-abiding president like Gov. Blow Monkey.

Thank you, BC

Be sure to check "Governor Blow Monkey" for an important update.

 There's a new prick in town.

 This new prick, Robert Ray, replaces the Premier Prick of the Nineties, Kenneth Starr.
 We can't be sure how big a prick this guy is, but we can guess.  You'd think Starr would
 stick around to defend his final report.  This new poor bastard is going to have to explain
 things like why Starr put in his report that "the President had anal/oral contact with Monica."

 Yes, the Rule of Law is the only thing on the Republican's minds.

 This way, you can start hating this new prick before you even get to know him.
 When asked what work was left for him to do, this ditto-monkey said,
 "I have to investigate the firing of the White House Travel staff,"
 as though that was important to America's future.

 Hey, asshole. I have a thunderbolt for you.
 Those firings were in May of 1993.

 That was 65 months ago, you ignorant slut.

 So, maybe if we give you another $50,000,000 and another 65 months, you might get to the
 bottom of this very serious travel-office firing "crime?"
 When asked why it was taking so long, Ray said, "The White House won't let us talk to the witnesses."
 Hey, Shit-for-brains, there's a thing called a subpoena. Why don't you use it?

 Then he said, "The White House has refused to cooperate fully."

 "Bill and Hillary have refused to confess to these very serious crimes."

 Ray is just another Kenneth Starr. Standing around for years and years and years,
 waiting for something - anything to show up that makes the Clintons appear guilty.

 Yep, no need to wait to start hating this prick.

 One other thing, printed in USA Today and repeated by every ditto-monkey
 from General Pigboy to the rank-and-file ditto-monkey.

 Look at that bullshit.
 While technically true, you read that "14 convictions" and you might figure Starr convicted:

 1. The President.
 2. The First Lady
 3. The Secretary of State
 4. The Secretary of Defense.
 5. James Carville.
 6. Harold Ickes
 7. Vernon Jordan
 8. Al Gore
 ...and six others.

 But is that what happened?

 Starr got Web Hubble for pre-President Clinton crimes.
 He got Jim McDougal.
 He got Susan McDougal for shit she didn't do.
 He got David Hale and he got Jim Guy Tucker.

 How is Clinton responsible for anyone else's behavior?
 Besides, the only reason they were even investigated is because they were Clinton friends.
 Let's give Harold Ickes $50,000,000 and subpeona power and 5 years
 and we'll see how clean Governor Blow Monkey is - deal?

 Next time some ditto-slug brags about Starr's 14 convictions,
 ask the ditt to name the 14 convictions, then ask him how Clinton
 was supposed to know Hubble was over-billing, how was he supposed to know
 that Jim McDougal, Hale and Tucker were playing funny money to finance a
 sewer project or cable TV deal, or whatever that "crime" was.

 ...and then they have the gall to whine about "Clinton fatigue."

 Yes, we're all tired of this bullshit.

 So why don't they stop?


Gov. Butch Arrested for Possession of Cocaine in 1972

Click here for full details

The Sixth Sense

I'm going to reveal the big, surprise ending of this stupid movie,
so don't read this if you want to be ambushed in the theater.


This is a picture of Houston that USA Today ran October 18th.
Houston is a big city in Gov. Blow Monkey's state.

Can you imagine what it's like living in a city with that much smog?
When Al Gore wrote that the combustion engine is a huge problem,
this is exactly what he was talking about.

Oh, sure, you and I might not be too bothered by unbreathable air,
but what about the millions of old geezers?

What about the hundreds of thousands of people with asthma or bronchitis?
What about children who's pink, undeveloped lungs are breathing this poison?

People like the uneducated Pigboy say, "The Earth cleans itself."
Pigboy gets millions to say, "Smog is not a problem."

You can't trust someone who's getting paid to have an opinion.

Here's a picture I've never seen before.

Somebody had just mentioned the term, "Getting more tail than Sinatra,"
and for some reason, the president couldn't stop laughing.

Pat Buchanan is up to something.

One rumor going around says he's so frustrated at his lack of support
he's thinking about invading Poland.

We'll keep an eye on that story.

Did you see that Braves-Mets game last night?


They battled 14 innings in the rain with a 2-2 tie, then Atlanta scored a run in the 15th.
The Mets loaded the bases and the dork Atlanta guy walked in the tying run.
Then, Robin Ventura, who only had one hit in 17 at-bats,
jerked a fastball over the right field wall for the grand f-ing slam.

Holy Cow, as Harry Carey used to say.

They partied so much, the grand slam didn't count.
Isn't that wild?

The final score was officially 4-3, because Ventura was mobbed by his teammates
at second base and he never got to finish his home run trot.

I want to see anything besides a Braves-Yankees World Series.

There's a real good chance that I'm the only one who finds
this fascinating, but do you remember the Squire of Gothos?

There's an actor named Bill Campbell who played the
Squire of Gothos on the old Star Trek.  Matter of fact,
he was also the head Klingon in The Trouble with Tribbles.
Star Trek often used the same actor to play several characters.


Anyway, that's Bill Campbell on the left.
Do you recognize his wife, on the right?

That's Judith Exner, who claimed she was JFK's girlfriend.
(She's kind of a babe - for a 60's girl.)
If she's telling the truth, JFK was banging the wife of  the Squire of Gothos.

Like I said, maybe I'm the only one who's fascinated...

Ladies and gentlemen, Pat Buchanan is NOT an anti-Semite.
Pat offered proof this week with this statement.

Wow!  Pat has a Jewish broker?

If that's not proof that Pat is a friend to Israel, what is?

We've got us a new naked Republican.

I think you'll be surprised who she is.
I think you'll be surprised who her daddy is.

She only fifteen, and there's a picture of her below - without pants!
My, Oh, My...  Only fifteen and she knows how to Nasty?
What would Dr. Toxic harpy say?
Oh, that's right.
This is a Republican fifteen year-old without pants.
That's OK with Dr. Harpy.

I, of course, am taking a great risk publishing a picture of a
fifteen year-old girl without any pants on, but if I get in trouble,
maybe her Uncle will grant me a pardon?

Her picture is loading as you read this.
She's under the "I Don't Get It" rant.

I Don't Get It.

Everyone knows the Senate Republicans used this nuclear treaty to
try to make Clinton look bad.   They don't mind if North Korea, Iraq, Iran,
Pakistan and India are rattling their nuke sabers, they want Clinton - bad.

As always, Clinton turned it around and made them look like a pack of rabid wolves.

Here we are, Sunday morning, I've seen Meet the Catholic with Tim the Whore,
I've seen that sham Fox puts on, where even the lefties agree Clinton is evil.
(I assume Mara Liasson and Juan Williams have very sick children.)
I'm watching Sam and Cokie on This Whore right now, and it's all the same story.

The Republicans say this was NOT about trying to screw Clinton.
In their twisted, wacky attempt at defending themselves, they're saying,
"We offered to shelve this treaty until Clinton leaves office."

What does that mean?

That means, "We like this treaty, but we don't want Clinton to get the credit for it."
Why else would they agree to look at it after Clinton's gone?

Who's running this lemonade stand, the Boulder Homicide detectives?
No, Pigboy is running this lemonade stand.

No matter what goofy shit Pigboy spews on his hate radio show,
the ditto-monkey Congress says, "Rush made a great point" and they follow him.
Why don't the Republican congressmen know Rush is kidding?
Why don't the Republican congressmen know Rush is an entertainer?

Just because I'm in the mood, I'd like to dismantle a Pigboy argument or two.
These are bullshit, Nazi lies that Pigboy has been yammering about for years.

Bullshit, Nazi Lie #1

Rush says if there is a budget surplus, there should be an immediate tax cut.
Here's how he explains the issue to those idiot sheep who believe him:

"A lady goes into a department store to buy a sweater.  Before she leaves,
the store discovers they've overcharged her, but they refuse to give her
money back because,  Oh...I don't know, ...say the elevator is broke.
The elevator needs repairs, so the store refuses to give her her own money back?"

This is a typical Limba ambush, bait-and-switch ploy for no-brain ditto-monkeys.

First of all, Your Pigness, your analogy is flawed because in real life,
that lady OWNS the goddamn department store, you nut!

In Rush's world,
you forget little facts like that and whine about some injustice that doesn't exist.
If Rush accurately describes a situtation, his argument dies.
Since it'll die with honesty involved, the Pig just makes that shit up!

Let me give you a better analogy than Rush's flawed, dishonest lie:

Little Timmy, (The American taxpayer) fell in with the wrong crowd, (supply-siders)
and they used their slingshots to break a hundred windows.

Now it's time to pay for the damage the supply-siders caused.
Timmy agrees to pay back twenty dollars a week from his paper route,
while paying five dollars a week interest.

As time goes by, Timmy meets a new friend named Billy.
Bill shows Timmy how to triple his earnings, and suggests Timmy
use that windfall to pay off the debt early and save lots of interest money.
Paying off the debt early means Timmy can take his family to Disney World.
That Billy is a genius!

Now, Pigboy, where's that broken elevator?

C'mon, Rush.

Where's the broken elevator?

You were lying, weren't you Rush?
C'Mon, Rush, tell these people the truth...

Where's the broken elevator?

(This is another reason why Rush can't have liberals on his show.
 It's so easy to dismiss Rush's lies - even a guy with an IQ of 64 can outwit him.

 This is why that guy over at  http://www.rushonline.com can't debate.
 He doesn't dare put conservative logic up against a liberal with an IQ of 64.
 Like Rush. if he allows a dissenting point of view, he'll have to defend himself.
 Like Rush, the guy at rushonline.com  can't risk putting his ideas to a test.

Bullshit Nazi Lie #2

This one is even more stupid than the first one.
It's also about money.
Notice with Rush, it's always about the money.

The new taxes on cigarettes.
First off, Rush says that hurts the poor.

ha ha

Pigboy has always been so concerned with the plight of the poor,
especially the black and Hispanic poor, right Rush?

ha ha

Too bad there's not poor gay children.
Think how much Rush and the GOP could hate them.
Think of the cash they'd get from the Christian Coathanger Coalition!

OK, here comes the nuttiest argument you've ever heard.
And, Koresh knows why, but they ALL chime in with dittos on this one.
Big Cancer, the NRA, the Republicans in the House and Senate ALL use it.
Here is the great Rush Limba argument:

"By raising the taxes on cigarettes, and using that money for health care,
the government is actually encouraging you to smoke!
Bill Clinton has put us in the position that we have to smoke more cigarettes
if we want health care to be fully funded."

This is premier, top-shelf Limba bullshit.
And the ditto-monkeys more stupid than Rush fall right in line.
Whatever Rush says Thursday and Friday will be all over the Sunday shows.

You want the real truth behind that bullshit argument?

What happens if you get caught cheating on your taxes.
You have to pay a big fine, right?

Does this mean we need tax-cheats to keep the IRS in business?
Is government encouraging us not to pay taxes?
Can the government survive if people stop cheating on their taxes?

Boy, that Rush argument sure sounds stupid when you think about it.

What happens when you get convicted of drunk-driving?
(I never have been, but remember, I owned a club.)

The law makes you jump thru some hoops.
They make you go to DWI school.
They might suspend your license for a while,
and they make you pay a big fine!

To hear Pigboy tell that tale,

"The govenment WANTS you drunk on the street.
How will government survive if people stop drinking and driving?
By making you pay that fine, the government is proving they like drunk drivers.
Government has put us in the position that we all have to drive drunk
if we want the police to be fully funded."

Have you ever heard such bullshit in your life?
Of course you have - if you've ever heard Excrement in Broadcasting.

Rush, that argument flies about as well as you do.

Rush Limba is the most powerful conservative in America.
Every nutto-bullshit rant that spews from his mouth is automatic gospel
for those who cannot think for themselves.  I turn on the TV on Sunday
morning and I hear Rush's comedy routines regurgitated as serious verbage.
People take Rush seriously, and that scares me to death.

Why does a loudmouth, uneducated, money-driven, thrice-married dropout
lead one of the great political parties of the late 20th Century?

Is it because Rush Limba is the best their side has?

This is why that guy over at  http://www.rushonline.com  won't debate.
He doesn't dare put conservative logic up against a liberal with an IQ of 64.

Like Rush. if he allows a dissenting point of view, he'll have to defend himself.
Like Rush, the guy at  rushonline.com  can't risk putting his ideas to a test.
Like Rush, it's much easier to hide and pretend.

Poor bastard, what can he do?

Agree or disagree?
I'd like to hear from you - especially if you think Rush is serious.

E-Mail BartCop


Meet Lauren Bush, daughter of Kneel Butch, the Butcher of Silverado Savings and Loan.
I wonder where Kneel got the money to send her to modeling school?
Why did the Bush people let her appear naked in George Magazine?

Is this what Gov. Blow Monkey wants for all fifteen year-old girls?
No pants?

Is that how they do it in Texas?
Is that how the Republicans want all fifteen year-old girls handled?

Without pants?

TV Stuff

Minor point...

My e-mail is so screwed up, Mindspring has suggested I use their www site
to receive mail instead of flooding their precious, tiny, 2K mailbox system.
I can read and answer mail there, but I can't download it.

Mindspring acts like they've never had a customer with this much mail before.
They have over 2,000,000 customers,
I can't be the guy getting the most mail - I can't be.

This is directed mostly at the Rush fans who have contacted me.

Koresh knows once I get my 24/7 ADSL line to the internet,
I'll be answering a lot of mail.

Some of you have a whippin' coming.

December 31, 1999

Do you have any plans for New Year's Eve?
Maybe we could spend New Year's together.

You really don't want to be driving that night, do you?
Koresh knows every stoplight in your city will turn green at midnight.
That means thousands of violent wrecks in a matter of seconds.

If you're home, at your computer on New Year's Eve, you're safe.
If you have a Grey Goose or a Chinaco Anejo cocktail as you surf,
you can't be T-boned by a drunk in a Chrysler on your way home.
You can't be arrested, either.

Besides, they'll be some good television that night.
Dick Clark is getting a facelift that night live on the Internet.
One major network, I forget which one, is going to do a live,
36-hour special showing the Millenium turn over in all 24 times zones.
(Don't tell me it's not the Millenium - I know that argument.
 But if everyone says it is, it is, allright?)

We could get us a chat room and celebrate the night together.

(Light Bulb goes on)

What if we had BartCop-TV?

Think about a safe New Year's Eve.
Since it's at  bartcop.com  it's free.

Grab the Mrs. and some Goose or Chinaco or whatever,
and some whatever, and we'll party hard and safe that night.
Koresh, you don't even have to pay for a baby sitter.
Spend that extra money on some Luxury Tequila!

So, what are your New Year's Eve Plans?

Write to BartCop

I need to say something bad about a Democrat and it won't be pretty.

I am so disgusted watching Hannity and Colmes.
Alan Colmes, without a doubt, is the worst debater I've ever seen in my life.

I don't know how he can live with himself.
Apparently he needs money so badly, or maybe he craves the face time that much,
but he's willing to be the simpleton toady on the Fox Whore Network.

Hannity and even the guests just bully him all to hell, and he just takes it.
The Fox producer must've told him it's his job to play the hapless victim.
Colmes gets about a third of the screen time that Hannity gets.
Hannity is second only to Limba in the wild-ass charges category,
and Colmes never calls him on it - ever.

No matter how insane the wild-ass charge, Colmes just smiles like a chimp.
Remember what I said recently about watching Crossfire?
If Bill Press says something shocking, and Novak fails to say,
"That's a damn lie, and you know it, Bill," then you can assume it's true.
That's what Colmes does - he validates Hannity's every personal slur with his silence.

I just finished watching Friday's show with Lanny Davis .
It was disgusting.

Lanny Davis is a great debater, but he's way too polite to be on the Fox Whore Network
(As a guest, it's not Lanny's job to keep Hannity honest.)
Lanny was constantly pummeled from all sides and remained a gentlemen throughout.
I'm not against being a gentleman, but when you're trapped in a pit with
wild fucking dogs, you can't be a nice guy if you hope to survive.

Lanny was saying things like, "Judge Starr made many mistakes in judgment,"
while Hannity and the three ditto-monkeys were screaming
"President Clinton is a guilty scumbag felon" the whole time.
And Colmes just sat there getting sand kicked in his face.

If Colmes had any self-esteem, or any balls, or any pride,
he'd demand fifty percent of the airtime or quit the show in disgust.
If he had any brains, he'd learn how to cut a ditto-monkey off in mid-slur.

Alan Colmes is the worst - why do you think Fox hired him?

If Fox hired somebody competent,
somebody who knew how to debate,
somebody who knew how to fight back,
somebody with a grasp of the facts,
the viewer might actually get both sides of a story.

But, since this is the Fox Whore Network, you're going to get the
supremely-confident, right-wing Hannity and you're going to get the
very shy Mr. Mealy-Mouth Colmes begging for permission to squeak in a word.
As horrible as Colmes is, he could be a Republican pretending he's a Democrat.
Colmes can't be that bad without trying.

He can't be.

A while back I got some e-mail from somebody saying Colmes was pretty sharp,
and if whoever wrote that is ready this, I'm sorry, but he's the worst  - ever.

I'm trying to think of who else might be in his league of incompetence,
and I'm drawing a Ronald Reagan-sized blank.

Fox should be ashamed of themselves for taking advantage of that poor man.
I assume he has many children with upcoming, expensive, life-threatening surgeries
because that's the only possible justification for him to act the whore.

Colmes, maybe your heart's in the right place,
and maybe you're on the right side of the issues,
but you're the least-effective point man I've ever seen.

...worse even than the liberals who get on Rush's show.

I'll bet the Fox Whore Network gave this guy a lifetime contract.

Could somebody clear this up for me?

I've heard this said 1,000 times, mostly by the lying, Nazi pig.

"The liberals want more gun laws, even though they refuse to enforce
 the gun laws that are already on the books."

Does anybody have a clue what that means?
A man walks into a 7-11, murders the clerk, and the liberals say,
"Please don't punish that man?"

Is that what Pigboy and the NRA are selling?
Is that what they mean?

Somebody out there must have a clue - could you help an old alter boy out?

Monkey Mail

>From: "Rater, Doyle" <DRater@firewall1.pelco.com>

>Subject: Web Page

>Nice web page.  Just reinforces the opinion that conservatives have of
>Hypocrats like you.  When you can't debate issues, resort to insults.

Doyle, who told you I can't debate the issues?
I've been looking for years for someone to debate.

Maybe you're the guy who can shut me up.
Would you care to pick a topic?
Or, you could be specific about something I've written.

C'mon, Doyle.
I'll bet you're the guy who can bring me down a peg or three.
I'm sure my readers would like to see that.


I'm not sure what this is, I found it in my "upload" folder.
I don't even know if I wrote it or someone sent it to me, but it's short.

Caller: Dr Laura?
            We adopted 2 cats in 1993.
            They were from a litter of 5.

           We picked the cutest two, because we're shallow democrats
           without any moral base other than our secular humanism.
           We're just heathens without morality, Doc.


Caller: Should we tell our 2 cats they have siblings?

Laura:  TO WHAT END?

Caller: Huh?

Laura:  TO WHAT END?

Caller: Huh?


Caller: I dunno, seems like the decent thing to...


Caller: Shit, I don't know. Christ, this isn't life-and-death here.
            Geez, we're talking about cats, you stupid whore.


I fail to understand the Porked One.

He says it's "stupid" to sign treaties with the Commies, "because they always lie, anyway."
If that's true, why did Reagan sign treaties with Russia and China?

Ladies and Gentlemen, we interrupt this broadcast for an  ABC Special News Bulletin!
We're taking you to New York City for team coverage of a LIVE ABC News Special.
ABC News - More people get their news from ABC News than any other news source.

This is Backdoor Bettina Gregory for ABC News with this ABC News Special Report.
We're taking you LIVE to Denver for a Breaking News Story from ABC News.

Paul Wilson of ABC News in Denver, are you there, Paul?

Yes, Bettina, this is Paul Wilson of the ABC News Bureau in Denver.
We'll be taking you LIVE to Ed Behr at our ABC News sister station in Boulder,
ABC News - More people get their news from ABC News than any other news source.

Are you there, Ed?

Yes, Paul. This is Ed Behr with ABC News Team One in Boulder, Colorado.
We're going to go LIVE to Dara Fugate who's standing by LIVEjust outside the
offices of the Boulder District Attorney's Office. We're expecting this Breaking Story
any minute, brought to you LIVE from ABC News, a Division of Disney.

Did you know you can get 40 percent off regular family entrance to Disney World
and the Epcot Center in Orlando? Just another reason to listen to ABC News.
ABC News - More people get their news from ABC News than any other news source.

Here we go now, with a LIVE ABC News Special Event, on ABC.

District Attorney: The Boulder police have bungled this investigation so badly,
                               we can't charge anybody for the death of Jon Benet Ramsey.

There you have it. LIVE from ABC News Special Report.
We now take you back to Paul Wilson at ABC News in Boulder

As we've just reported to you on our Special ABC News Report,
there's no news at all from Boulder - back to ABC News in New York

This is Backdoor Bettina Gregory for ABC News with an ABC News Special Report.
More people get their news from ABC News than any other news source.

We now return you to regular programming.

Do you have a minute to feel sorry for Pigboy?

He says he can no longer play "Born Free" while he's machine-gunning Bambi's mother.
He claims Andy Williams loves it when Rush maims the song,
but "the publishers" of the song won't allow it any more.

Poor Pigboy.

He also claims Doris Day called his mother in Missouri,
(Reminder - his mother is a personal attack, his father was a racial slur)
and asked her to tell Pigboy to stop making fun of people killing animals.

Poor bastard.

Do you have a minute to feel sorry for Pigboy?

Oh, Koresh, save us!

The future of the world is in the hands of Senator Pissquik? (R-Fascist Pig)

The entire world is reeling from the Senate's latest get-Clinton vote.
You can always tell when an issue is bogus.

When an issue is bogus, the semi-sane Republicans like Dominici,
Hutchifelon, McCain, Shelby, Hatch and, of course, Tennesse Tuxedo stay away.

When an issue is totally bogus, look for the Cromags to get a skunk like
Dan Burton, (R-Scumbag) or Bob Barr, (R-Baby Killer) to hold their flag.

This time, when the future of the planet is involved, they dig deeeeeeeeeeeeeep
into cock-fighting country and get a snake-handler like Pissquik to save the world.
Remember, before he was on the Intelligence Committee, Pissquik was trusted
with a seat on the very-important Fish and Wildlife Committee.
Now Pissquik is standing between America and nuclear weapons going wild?

I feel better, don't you?

The GOP long ago proved they don't mind dying if they have
a chance to stick a shiv into Clinton - this is more proof of that.

The Phillippines are wondering why the Senate went crazy.
Russia is calling for an explanation, and Japan, the only country to feel the power of
an atomic blast, is shaking in their boots at the thought of nuclear proliferation.

They just don't understand how badly the GOP wants Clinton.

Trent Lott and Jesse-the-Throwback Helms have decided that this MIGHT be a good deal,
but they don't want Clinton to get the credit for it, (Koresh forbid) so they offered to
shelve the treaty until President Gore takes office - then they'll deny him, too.

They proved it during impeachment, and they're proving it again.
The ONLY thing that counts is getting Clinton.

It's one thing to play games with Starr-the-Prick and Monica, but we're dealing with
nuclear weapons here and the Cromags want to play politics with it?

There are two groups of people who say the only reason Clinton wants this "dangerous"
treaty is to add to his legacy. Those two groups are the completely-gone fascists and
the whores getting paid big bundles of cash to accuse Clinton, like Laura and Pigboy.

They say without further testing, other countries will catch up to us really fast.
What, did North Korea buy a Pentium 100?

If this treaty was a serious danger, Pissquik wouldn't be running the show.

Koresh, this is creepy.
This is sooooo creepy!!!

I was cooking some chicken breasts on the outdoor Bart-grill,
while I was busy reading some e-mail and I let things get a little too hot out there.
There was this one piece of chicken that straddled the temperature line,
so half the breast was well-done while the other half was almost rare.

It shrank on on side and swelled on the other.
When I held it up to the light, ...it looked just like the Virgin Mary!

Bank of America - Here I come!

I'll try to scan a picture after it dries.

More on this as details come in...

Last Minute VCR Alert


"The Strip," a new show on UPN, premiers Tuesday tonight.
It's about two Las Vegas cops who screw up and get fired,
so they go to work for the casinos busting crime and bagging babes.

I'll bet it's crap TV, but the scenery should be nice.


It could've been worse - somehow.
The black guy can't act at all, not even a little.
The white guy can act, but he has no writers.
The mob guy can act, he's from The Firm movie.

Lots of outdoor Strip shots, which is why I watched it.
When I get my video card hooked up, (It's in!)
I'll show you some fancy driving-camera work on the Vegas Strip.
My specialty is filming while driving.

Once more on this video card - I hope this is what it should be.
They swear this is the Jimmy Page of all video cards.

Speaking of Page, did you see him Saturday on Bono's NETAID fund-raiser?
He did a thing with Puff daddy, too, "Come with Me," from Godzilla.
Page and Puff Daddy - that's a party.
Bono was good too.

Jimmy got some Black Crowes and played, ""In My Time of Dying."
That song's gotta be the hardest rock ever put on vinyl.
Too bad we lost the Zeppelin.


I'd like to say something about the Cadillac Motor Division of General Motors.
When we're on vacation, we like to drive a Lincoln or a Cadillac.
Not for the pretentiousness of it, but we're usually in the mountains or the desert,
and I don't want to be in a piece-of-shit Ford Tempo in Death Valley, OK?

A Sedan De Ville is the only car to take on vacation.
There's lots of room, and there's lots of metal surrounding you.
If a lumber truck has faulty brakes, you want to be in a Cadillac.
Plus, the seats aren't too high, so you can get The Baby and load it without stopping.

(Oh, by the way, I do NOT have a 40mm Glock, as previously stated.
 A 40mm Glock would have five times the power of a 9mm,
 and would probably have to be mounted on the deck of the USS Missouri.
 I was going to put the 9mm with the .40 caliber in the money bag,
 but I decided two guns might scare the women, so I went with The Baby
 and mistakenly referred to the .40 cal as a 40mm - another BartCop error.)

As I've said many, many times, I can do anything except wait.
That includes trudging up a long, steep mountain road.

Cadillac, with it's ultra-powerful 4.9 Liter Northstar engine, laughs at the Rockies.

I set the cruise control for 65, and it took those mountains without raising it's pulse.
A couple of times I'd get impatient and pass somebody, and when that oncoming car is
getting bigger and bigger, it's nice to feel those big horses stomping like Clydesdales.

Swear to Koresh, after 2300 miles, we averaged 27.5 miles per gallon.
Take away my impatience in the mountains and it might've averaged 35 MPG.

As you know, I can find fault with anything.
The only problem I had with the Caddy was the radio's seek button is also used to scan,
and in the mountains, you need to hop from one channel to the next, but I'm sure the
book that's supposed to come with the car would explain all that, but Avis left it out.

I gotta give kudos to Avis, too.
It only took minutes to transact the rental, the car performed magnificently as expected,
and when it was time to turn it in, the young fellow ran up to the car and said,
"Good to see you, Mr. BartCop. How was your trip?"

A small thing, but I felt like they were at least pretending they gave a shit.

Cadillac and Avis get two thumbs up from Ol' BartCop.

This isn't the funniest thing I've ever seen, but it's true.
I saw this in the Santa Fe Times

When The Spudster dropped out of the race, an AP writer got in a good shot.
I've outlined the shot in red.

ha ha

The braintrust concluded?
Taterboy, his uppity, left-wing wife and his campaign manager constitute a braintrust?

ha ha

How could anyone put braintrust and Quayle in the same sentence?

Plus, with all his experience, why do Republicans refuse to vote for Quayle?
Is it the "buffoon factor?"

The GOP is finally admitting what all sane Americans have known for 11 years:
Dan Quayle is a feather duster, he's dumber than spoiled meat, and the average
voter doesn't trust Danny to peel potatos for tonight's stew.


ha ha

Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a winner.

After much testing, research and deliberation,  bartcop.com
is proud to unveil the winner of the "Best Tasting Tequila" Award.

          Chinaco Anejo

Chinaco Anejo is the Grey Goose of Fine Tequila.
There's dozens of ways to judge a tequila brand.
I looked for a tequila that tasted so good, the lime was optional.
Chinaco Anejo is subtle, like a shy first date.

The bottle had nothing to do with my decision, but it's nice, too.
Unassuming in appearance, it doesn't try to make a statement on it's own.
Notice each bottle is hand numbered.
This isn't part of a 50,000-bottle batch coming off Jose Cuervo's assembly line.

Several others came close.
I liked the Herradura Gold and I liked The Conquistador Tequila a lot.
I liked the Tenoch, and the Reserva Del Dueno was another early favorite.
The Alcatraz was, at one time, a leading contender, but when you put a shot
of Alcatraz up against a shot of Chinaco, you have nolo contendere.

The Chinaco Anejo, which, by the way beats Chinaco Reposado by a mile,
is so light on the tongue, so wispy in it's character, that a chaser is not needed.
If the Goose was from south of the border, it's name would be Chinaco.

I must point out that these tests were run only on shots.
Many of these "needle" tequilas taste just fine buried under sweet and sour mix.
You can make a Margarita with any 100 percent Blue Agave tequila and have a tasty drink.
But when God is your bartender, when your only flavor distortion is a lime,
it's best to go with the finest tequila in the land.

BartCop Tip: Get the biggest limes in the store.  Get the limes that are the size
of a woman's fist. They are so extra-juicy, you don't have to bite into it.
You only have to gently lick the lime, as you would  a lover.

I was not paid to proclaim Chinaco as the finest.
They don't have enough money to make me endorse them if they're not the best.
If some tequila distiller offered me a case of their finest to endorse them,
I'd give it a try and tell the truth, and nothing but the truth.

(hint! hint!)


This is how this review would've read if I had any writing talent.

"This is the ultimate in handcrafted, low production tequila.
 The Chinaco Blanco and Añejo are, in our opinion, head and
 shoulders above any other tequila available today."
    --The Insiders Wine Line Magazine, April-May 1996

When Chinaco arrived in the United States in 1983, it was the first of the
super premium positioned tequilas. It's smooth taste earned it placement
on back bars alongside high-end cognacs and single malt whiskies.
Like a lightening bolt, it electrified an entirely new class of upscale tequila consumer.
Chinaco developed a cult following predominantly from California's music and film industry.

This is how the "wine and croissant" crowd would describe Chinaco Anejo.

                            Chinaco "Añejo"
Medium-straw, has subtle aromas of pear, wild flowers, vanilla, smoke and baked apple,
edged with papaya and mango. The flavors are very rich and compex, with exceptional depth,
balance and style, ending in a luscious, spicy, smokey finish. Barrel aged for up to four years.

Hmmm, boy.
Makes my mouth water...

Lastly, (thank Koresh) the Chinaco Anejo Legend

Would you like to hear a song written hundreds of years before Lincoln was born?

Seriously, this song is 500 years old, maybe older.

Check it out

Monday, the 11th

Sean Cannity, of Cannity and Holmes, is subbing for El Puerca.
He's pounding on Governor Blow Monkey for saying, "Republicans are hateful shits."

So far, it's Limba, Cannity, that crazy Bork and Mona Charen pounding on GB Monkey.

Who do we root for when the right-wing eats it's own?

There are a slew of new Kevin Cunningham cartoons here.

Don't forget to check Volumes 149 and 150 under "Back Issues."

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