Great Smirk Quotes
"The government has a responsibility to
that senior citizens have prescription drugs."
--to Brit Hume last night, on Fox Whore
Isn't that the opposite of what Pigboy has always said?
Smirk and his cajones problem
Subject: Global Warming
There are two pieces concerning global warming
out right now.
You'll like Molly Ivins'.
Ann Coulter has one, too, but she's echoing PigBoy claims.
Molly's piece deserves to be in BartCop.com.
Ann, on the other hand, is not worthy of your fine publication.
One other thing--remember when Rush used
to go to McDonald's
to piss off environmentalists?
Ann wants to piss off environmentalists,
Does that means she goes to McDonald's?
If so, what does she eat?
I think we all know the answer to that.
Subject: What's up
HEY BART WHAT'S UP?
YOUR LAST ISSUE IS 09/08/2000.
LET'S GO... I'M GOING THROUGH WITHDRAWALS!!!!!!
It'll take me a day or two to get back up to speed.
I usually do about an hour's worth of real work a day.
Since I was gone a week, I have 5 hours of work to catch up on
and my mean boss wants something for his paycheck.
Subject: Newspage Recommendation
Let's see if I've gotten this right, Bartcop.
You recommend a political newspage ediited
by a conservative that
contains 17 stories without sources or dates, and call it "really good."
Yet, you've never recommended Bushreport
at www.bushreport.com or
that contains 30-50 stories daily, each with the source as well
as the date clearly indicated.
What's the deal?
Right now, I'm more confused than Smirk on Jim Beam.
Remember, there's always a chance I'm innocent.
First, let me tell you how I met the guy.
He wrote and said, "I'm a conservative, would you like to exchange links?"
I checked his page, apparently more hastily than you, and saw he had dozens
and dozens of links to news organizations and political sites.
In the name of fairness and bi-partisanship, I threw him a bone.
Then, I read your e-mail.
You say "You've never recommended Bushreport."
Did you change the name?
I thought you were Bushwatch.com
Bushwatch.com is included in my News Links.
For a long, long time on my links page it has read:
Want to know what Smirk is up to?
I highly recommend them.
Updated more often than bartcop.com
That sounds like a recommendation, doesn't it?
I even used the words "highly" and "recommend."
I've often said good things about bushwatch.com.
To be sure, I did a quick search on my main page and got twenty
hits for Bushwatch.
To be sure, I randomly clicked on two of them.
Click #8 from Volume 186
Bushwatch is your primary up-to-date
reference site on the web.
If it's current, it's on bushwatch.com
Click #15 from Volume 231
Have you ever seen more information than
what's at bushwatch.com?
They have a killer story up right now.
How can you possibly maintain two sites with that much
I've said many times, (I'm sure it's in the other 18 search hits) that you have
more stuff up by noon than any other site does in a whole week.
Your dedication and accuracy are beyond reproach.
But I'm confused about the names.
I'm not sure I've ever been to bushreport.com before today.
Have you always had two pages?
When you go to bushwatch.com
it has your name on the page,
but when I go to bushreport.com I was unable to find your name.
Strangely enough, on the Bushwatch.com
(That's the one with your name on it)
I was unable to find any mention of bartcop.com but you do have a link
to the Wizard of Whimsey right at the top of your home page.
I clicked on his site to see why he would rate such prominent
and saw that he has four cartoons on his site - four!
Are you guys related?
His entire site would fit on a floppy disk, but my five years
of work and 260 issues
with 240 meg of content on bartcop.com are nowhere to be found on your page
Isn't that funny?
So, let's look at the toteboard and see how we're doing:
I've had you listed in my News
Links since the day we met.
I've mentioned or praised your site twenty times, (easy to check that)
yet on your page, our friend Whimsey gets top billing
and bartcop.com is nowhere to be found.
I looked on your main page, where Whimsey is listed,
I looked in your comedy section, where you have almost 100 links,
but I can't find a mention of bartcop.com anywhere.
...and you're writing to say "You've never
Like I said, It's very confusing.
Subject: "At least I didn't kiss him"
Notice the "Power to the People" grip.
Notice the left hand on the elbow, drawing in his good friend.
Notice the wide smile says "Why, I haven't seen you since that kegger at Gamma Delta in '82".
The dittomonkeys were in full spin today,
telling us Hillary's hug of the wife was much worse than this picture.
They are also upset Bill shook Castro's hand. But this is perfectly alright, they say.
Bobby Knight is gone, and he should be.
Since Bobby Knight is a darling of the right-wingers, Rush is
excusing his animalistic behavior.
Just think how crazy you'd have to be for your boss to warn you to stop acting like a kid
and then he has to fire you because you threw another temper tantrum.
Christianityonline.com says Gore is going to win.
Christians never lie, do they?
I enjoyed your travelogue immensely; I laughed
out loud at the Albertson's Tequila.
Mark Miller opened a Coyote Cafe in Austin a three/four years ago.
First thing he did was redecorate the restaurant
space he took over which had
received numerous arcitectural awards. The Santa Fe paint colors were understandable,
but he had the banquettes reupholstered with cowhide!
Now I love a good steak, but I don't particularly
want to be sittting on bossy as I'm
eating her flesh. Kinda stupid for a town with an above average number of vegetarians.
When he got bad press, he whined in national publications about how he was
"too sophisticated" for Austin.
Stopped paying his rent... and went back with his cowtail between his cowlegs.
Take away the tequila factor and I don't know how he stays in
If you read the Rape at Red Sage, you know they only offered two kinds of
dressing for their fancy-ass salads, and they get insulted if you ask for salt & pepper.
Excuse me, Mark Miller, but I like a little hint of salt on my
that is, ...IF IT'S OK WITH YOU!
Pigboy and his anti-education,
continue to say global warming is "just another liberal lie."
NUUK, Greenland, Sept. 4 -- During World
War II, when Henry Larsen took a
Royal Canadian Mounted Police ship, the St. Roch, into the fabled Northwest Passage,
his boat was frozen in Arctic ice through two winters, only emerging at the eastern end after 27 months.
On Sunday the St. Roch II completed a voyage
over the same route in one month,
including leisurely overnight stops at communities visited by the namesake boat half a century ago.
After leaving Tuktoyaktuk, near Canada's
border with Alaska, the boat traversed all of Canada's
Arctic without encountering pack ice.
"Concern should be registered with the fact
we didn't see any ice," the skipper, Sgt. Ken Burton
of the Mounties, said on Sunday over a maritime telephone as he took the police boat into
open waters across Baffin Bay from Greenland.
Remember, Rush and God are telling you there's no such thing as global warming.
Pigboy just launched a mean-spirited attack on Susan Sarrandon.
She said if Smirk was elected, we would be electing a man who has killed
more people prior to taking office than any other president, which is true.
One of Pigboy's counters was that since Susan Sarrandon is pro-choice,
isn't that also killing a lot of "people?"
That makes Smirk's mama a killer, too.
Jesus, you sure are a stupid mother-effer to call pro-choicers
when your boy's momma is a "killer," herself.
The vulgar Pigboy says Clinton was booed at some tennis match.
Sure, that's possible, but...
The vulgar Pigboy can't be trusted to tell the truth.
Remember the last time he claimed a sports crowd booed Clinton?
It was the day Brandy Chastain tore off her shirt.
He said when the crowd booed Clinton that day,
"it was louder than any noise that crowd made all day,
including the moment when the winning goal was kicked."
Have you ever heard such bullshit in your life?
Even Papax7, who loves Rush first, then God, isn't so gullible as to
believe that a stadium full of lady soccer fans would express their
"hatred" of Clinton louder than they cheered the winning goal.
No, there must be a limit to blind dittohead faith.
There must be.
Today's Page Two Girl is Briggitta Callens
Subject: Crying, Whimpering Smirk
I hope I'm not the only one who read that Smirky-boy almost broke down
and cried last Friday in front of the traveling press corps.
They were hammering him about falling behind
in the polls, and about the
new attack ad on Gore. Apparently he grew teary-eyed and sniffly and
waxed romantic about what a wonderful experience it is to run for the
highest office in this great land. This is extremely telling. The GOP
has got to be terrified at this point, realizing that they have propped
up another idiot to lose to the democrats. I'm conviced he doesn't
really want the job that much. He was convinced by his handlers that
this was gonna be a cake-walk. Now that he realizes he'll go down in
history as a big fat loser, like his dad, he gets all weepy, and whiny.
What a sissy.
He's not used to losing at anything, he's
under more stress than ever in his life,
and he looks like he could really use a shot of tequila, or something else to
ease the stress of staying awake 8 hours at a time.
I can just see him dealing with an actual
crisis, and falling completely apart
in a big quivering mass, or maybe puke on a prime mininster's lap, like his dad.
Can't wait for the debates.
That cartoon of yours, above, is a great one.
Recently, dissertations have been made available for purchase
on the web.
For only $29.95 you can get a copy of Dr. Laura's dissertation entitled :
EFFECTS OF INSULIN ON 3-O-METHYLGLUCOSE
TRANSPORT IN ISOLATED RAT ADIPOCYTES.
I worked in pharmaceutical research for a couple of years and
we used to
analyze data from "isolated" rat parts. I visited the lab once and they had this
little guillotine that was used to sever the rat's head. Then they would quickly
extract the heart and put it on a machine that would keep it pumping as they
dosed it with some drug or other to see the effect. It might have been in
just such a lab that Dr. Laura formulated her view of the world.
Now, Pigboy is whining that the government is TOO BIG.
Hey, Pigboy, I got a thunderbolt for you:
Your boys control Congress.
Why don't they cut the government some?
Oh, that's right.
Now I remember why they won't cut government.
Can I quote you, Pigboy?
"They're not cuts!"
Pigboy, it's as tho you don't have a fucking clue what you want.
You say government is TOO BIG, but when your boys take control,
you scream at the top of your lungs, "They're not cuts!"
Christ, you're stupid, you know that?
You don't know where you want to go, but you insist on driving.
Good to see you back in action.
Sounds like you and Mrs. BC had a real good vacation.
You went through some BEAUTIFUL country.
My last e-mail to you I was a bit concerned
about the free pass
SHIT FOR BRAINS is getting from the "liberal" media.
If there is all of this "ammo" against SFB, when, if ever,
will it be leaked to the "liberal" media?
I'm not sure, but if it looks like Gore's going to win anyway,
his people may leave all that stuff alone.
So your question is a good one:
Why is the press passing up the juicy stories?
Zogby puts Gore Lead at 5 Percent.
Of course, Pigboy no longer quotes Zogby, "the most accurate pollster,"
because Zogby shows Gore with a semi-comfortable lead.
Rush is scrambling to praise other polls that show Smirk ahead.
I hope I've mentioned this before,
but there's a really good news page at
Lots of news links.
He says he's a conservative, but linking to news sites
can't be considered partisan, can it?
Subject: PUBLIC EDUCATION
The battle of how to fix public education has been waging for
the last 20
years. There's been the "whole language" approach, there's been the "only
phonics" approach, each of which have been embraced by both sides of the
aisle, depending upon which way the public opinion pendulum swung.
The one thing that people seem to forget is that no two children
and all children learn differently. What approach may work for one child may
not work for the next, and any sane American with or without children would
agree. America's public education system is troubled and we need to fix it.
In Brown v. Board of Education, the decree was that every child,
ethnicity or residency, is entitled to a quality public education. Now, the GOP
would like to blame the failure of America's public school system on the infiltration
of immigrants into the US. (Where that theory comes from......go figure, but it's oft
cited by the Dittospanks. "yeah, those damn foreigners are all stupid and will
contribute nothing to America".......unbelievable)
The Republicans are now pushing for vouchers......which on its
face value may
seem acceptable and enticing. Competition might make public schools compete,
thus, making them of higher quality and more attractive. But there's one
thing they're not telling you. No private school MUST take any child with a
voucher. Is a private school in Beverly Hills going to take a black child
from Compton with a voucher, or will they just up the tuition so that child
can't get in with only the voucher? Think about it. America is about ALL
Americans receiving a quality eduction, not just your kids.
There is not a "one-stop fix-all" for the public education crisis
but we're working toward it. Incidentally, I find it laughable that Bush is
taking credit for an education plan which was written by my colleague, who
worked for Ann Richards. (but that's another story)
I pose these questions to you who think public education should
be done away
with and are in favor of vouchers. Those of you who think children in public
education are expendable and won't really amount to anything in the long run:
*when last you boarded an airplane, who do you think checked and
engine for your safety? A public education student? More than likely, yes.
*who checks the brakes on your vehicle in which you carry your
You trust that person, don't you?
* who set the timing on the streetlight you stopped at, while
children off at school, before taking your car to have its brakes inspected?
What if the timing was off and you went through the light, killing your family?
What would you do then? Would you stop to think "It's a good thing
for vouchers because I don't want niggers or Mexicans in my neighborhood,
going to school with my kids?"
Think about it....what's good for America is good for you, your
your neighbors. Smaller class size, credentialed teachers with higher pay,
better facilities, before and after school programs for children whose parents
are working hard to provide for them and can't be there, universal preschool
..... think about it. It's a small investment to make for such a large return.
America's children are your future.
All of America's children.
Not just your own.
Love Story - again!
Can you believe Rudy Giuliani is still having sex with "that woman"
while living under the same roof with his soon-to-be ex-wife?
Is Donna doing his laundry?
Is she using bleach to get "her" lipstick stains off his trousers?
What do the kids think when they see daddy dating?
You know, that partisan whore Laura the LA She-Thing would be
going ape-shit every hour of every day if Rudy had a "D," after his name.
Rudy - how could you?
Paul Begala Shoots the Bull
Another day, another slogan.
As predicted in this space last week, George W. Bush has emerged with yet another
new, improved slogan. Remember when he was a "Compassionate Conservative"?
Then came Bush 2 : the "Reformer With Results."
The Bush 3 was all about "Changing the Tone."
And now Bush 4 is -- are you ready for this?
Can't you just feel the electricity?
Can I have a drumroll please: "Real Plans for Real People."
No word yet as to whether the American Beef Council, whose slogan
"Beef. Real Food for Real People," plans to sue for copyright infringement.
I wouldn't if I were them. People can tell the difference between beef and this turkey.
Of course, none of these slogans are as good as the one Dave Letterman
came up with for W:
"A Dumb Guy With Connections."
Read Previous Issue
Go to bartcop.com