POLITICS - HUMOR - FINE TEQUILA - TRAVEL - ENTERTAINMENT
"Funny how we learned a lot more from Cheney talking to Russert
for an hour than we learned from the president all week."
-- a woman in Tulsa
"That's because the President is a total
-- her busband
Subject: Reagan Airport
The Ronald Reagan airport is still closed.
Now there is speculation it may never reopen.
QUICK...WE NEED TO FIND ANOTHER AIRPORT AND RENAME IT.
Hurry Congress...this is important.
We cannot let this county go on without Ronald Reagan's name on everything.
Just wait, they will rename another airport after Red-Ink Reagan if they cannot reopen the original.
Neal raise doubts on Bush's "leadership"
by Andrew Miga
I've only heard this once, and Koresh knows
they ought not to repeat it, or Mr. Rove might
get very angry, but one TV guy said on CNN that the number one thing that pisses off bin Laden
was that we landed troops in Suadi Arabia in 1991 and "soiled their Holy Land forever."
If true, that would bring back into question
the Telex that the elected Bush sent to Saddam via
April Glaspie, which stated we'd stay out of "their affairs." Saddam says he took Bush at his word,
proceeded to take back "Iraqi land from the thieves of Kuwait."
Bush's bungle put 550,000 Americans in the
Hundreds died, but that's OK, because "Bush knew what he was doing."
Tens of thousands contracted "Gulf War Syndrome," but that's OK, too.
We've come to expect war and recession from Republican presidents.
guys ready? Let's roll!"
Subject: Medal Of Freedom
I've just read that Sen. Spector wants to give
the Medal Of Freedom award to
the passengers of the Pennsylvania crash. Shouldn't we wait to make sure there
were no gays, liberals, feminists,or anyone else the American Taliban hate on board?
How wrong can BartCop be?
Kap said he told FBI investigators the men in his bar spent
$200 to $300 apiece on lap dances and drinks, paying with credit cards.
From: Dr Dave at AMPOL
Subject: Just got off the phone with my bookie
You'll appreciate this -- I was just on the phone
with [him] in Vegas,
who is reviewing his political betting lines.
Last month, the odds of Il Smirk-é's reelection
were 7 to 5 FOR.
He is now pegging them at 7 to 5 AGAINST.
Dumb Son's F-scores and approval ratings may be
going up in Zogby-land,
but I trust my bookie more than any pollster.
War and recession - it's a guarantee with any
Actress Yasmine Bleeth arrested
He said Bleeth acted intoxicated while the officers questioned her but
didn't appear to be under the influence of alcohol. After she failed field
sobriety tests, they searched her purse and discovered four syringes
containing what police suspect was a liquid form of cocaine,
plus a small plastic bag containing cocaine residue, Early said.
Syringes and liquid cocaine?
I thought they stayed thin thru exercise...
Bush's Image Fails to Fill the Screen
Mayor Giuliani is doing a great job,
...and I can't believe I'm saying that.
-- Democrats, repeating themselves in New York
What Can I Get You?
If you signed the petition asking President Bush to condemn the remarks
of Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson, please sign again.
If you signed and the validation failed, that has been fixed and you
will have to sign again.
Their petiton software had a bug in it, but now it's fixed.
The address of the petition is http://www.actionagenda.com/petitions
Don't let Falwell get away with saying "We deserve this because of the gays."
Plus, the 700 Club has asked for feedback.
Repeat: the 700 Club (Pat Roberston) has asked for feedback.
From the Secret Diary of Wednesday
Subject: Read This you Ignorant Prick
...yeah, I'm the "ignorant prick" who wants to fight the mass murderers.
What the British are saying about W
Clinton would have known how to find the right beat, to have sensed the national mood
and addressed it. That almost supernatural talent for empathy was his greatest political gift.
This week has proved that his successor, though hailed for his affable, neighbour-at-the-barbecue
charm, has no such talent. He seems wooden, unreflective and oddly out of tune with human emotion.
Small wonder that the secret service codename for the Bush presidential zone is "the package".
They don't come much more packaged than George W.
"Airlines are expected to lose perhaps
$10 billion this year,
because passengers are staying away in droves."
-- Lisa Stark on Sam & Cokie, who apparently has seen
Blazing Saddles so many times, she mixed up her metaphors.
Subject: War is not the answer
While there is a moral difference between the
terrorists and the idiotic bombing
campaigns the US has been engaged in the past 10 years, it's not as large as you might think.
We didn't TARGET civilians, but Clinton sure didn't take them into consideration
when he was recklessly lobbing missiles and creating a new generation of terrorists.
That is crazy talk.
There's not much difference between bin Laden's terrorists and Bill Clinton?
Doesn't anybody read what they've written before they press "send" anymore?
This war fever is out of hand. All the high
tech-toys in the world aren't going to beat guerrillas willing
to die for their cause, who are indistinguishable from the native population that supports them.
This business about "glassing" Afghanistan is
absurd. Sure you might kill the heads of the Taliban,
but you'll also be creating another generation of kids who saw their families die at the hands of
Americans and will do anything to get their revenge. Even if you kill every known terrorist in the world,
twice as many will be ready to take their places.
Again, we hear what the answer is not.
To not answer an attack this deadly is surrender.
How is it possible my mail is running 4-1 for the doves?
Are Democrats not willing to fight for anything?
If 5,000 dead doesn't piss you off, would 50,000 dead?
If they murdered the entire population of New York - would that be worth fighting for?
If they murdered everyone in New York, Boston, Philly and DC, would that be worth fighting for?
Did the people on that Pittsburgh flight surrender?
No, they didn't, and they probably saved the Capitol.
Doesn't that mean anything to anybody?
Were they stupid to go down fighting, instead of surrendering to the hijackers?
You doves get together, maybe on the forum, and choose somebody to speak for you in a big debate,
somebody who can present the "don't fight back" point of view so we can talk this out.
While your attention was diverted:
The economy ground to a halt in August
Industrial activity plunged in August, extending what is now the
longest decline in
factory output in three decades. The discouraging economic news intensified fears
that the ailing economy shaken by the terrorist attack could tip into recession.
Subject: PA Plane was shot down?
I heard one minuscule report on MSNBC that had witnesses in PA who said
they saw an F-16 in the sky just before the PA plane crashed.
Now, my husband has told me that somebody who's
related to someone where
he works is a low level Canadian intelligence guy. Word from there is
that the PA plane WAS DEFINITELY shot down.
Why is the whore press off this story? The people
on the plane are still heroes.
How do we know they didn't even signal the pilot in the F-16 to go ahead and shoot?
That would be heroism on a scale none of us could even imagine.
Anne, they say they didn't, and I believe them. But then again, I've
"a Bush toady who's worse than the hijackers," so don't go by me.
Subject: Re: Ari Fleisher's Claim
I've had the same feeling that you and Nick Seidenman
have, even though I lack any expertise in aviation:
Ari and this White House have lied to us (about the credible threats to the White House and AF1)
to cover for perceived cowardess by the president.
Trouble is, I didn't think he was a coward Tuesday, just following security protocol during a time of
national emergency. Yes, I thought it was a bit strange to send a woman out to speak, but then I had
already heard from W at that time, and he was far from comforting.
My main point is: Don't lie to me or the rest of the American public. We aren't stupid. We understood
the need for protecting the President. The only reason to lie was for political spin. To protect their political asses.
Well, I don't like their political asses; they are foul and smelly.
My message to the White House: I love my country and will support the war on terrorism.
But don't lie to me.
Steve, we should remember the Bush administration's first action was
to fabricate horrible personal slurs
about how the Clintons vandalized the White House and stripped Air Force One bare.
Remember how Ari and the Bush-worshipping press treated this story?
I don't trust the illegal Bush administrtion,
but I believe they didn't shoot down the PA plane.
I think those brave people made their own sacrifice.
They refused to go down without a fight.
I wish we had more people like that.
and Conan Will Try to Yuck It Up Again on Tuesday
As of late Friday, Dave has not made a decision as to when he will return.
Dave has it tougher than the others, being in New York,
but Dave is tough - he can handle this.
From: Jennifer in Cincinnati
Subject: An Invitation
I've been reading your column Koresh-ly ever since the Coup of 2000, and turned to you
once again on 9/11/2001, knowing you'd provide a calming effect and safe harbor
from the hysteria that surrounds us at this horrible, horrible time.
I'm a bartender at one of the most popular watering holes of Cincinnati, Ohio, and it's been
a rough couple of days for me. Everyone knows that I'm the resident "politik" as I couldn't keep
my wise-crackin' drink-slingin' ass from letting my patrons know exactly how I feel about the Chimp King.
Since Tuesday, I've had to deal with just about every negative comment I could possibly imagine,
including outright blame, as if my smartass comments since last November somehow caused the
World Trade Centers to collapse. Oh, Koresh, if only I had such power. My only comfort has come
in the the sobering fact that these insults have come attached to a Washington or Lincoln note.
I can't believe people can condemn and tip me at the same time, but hey, ain't that America?
This is an invitation for you to visit my fine city, wherein I will be pleased to pour for you the tequila
of your choice (do you require training wheels?) while you sling your barbs of wit and intelligence
at my beloved customers. It's a standing invitation and I'll be waiting for you, mixing tin in one hand
whether you prefer your Mexican spirits chilled or not.
Ask not what you can do for your country.
Ask what you can do to keep America's bartenders sane and witty.
Jennifer in Cincinnati
I think they're condemning and respecting at the
You could've just agreed with every customer, but that would've been fake.
People don't want to be lied to right now.
That was nice.
It makes me want to drive to Cincinnati.
I'll e-mail you before I come :)
The Pennsylvania Crash
Searchers Find Plane Cockpit Voice Recorder
Senator Specter said he was looking into the possibility of posthumously
awarding the passengers the Medal of Freedom .
"They undoubtedly saved hundreds, if not thousands,
of lives," Governor Ridge said.
"What appears to be a charred hole in the ground is truly a monument to heroism."
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
Copyright © 2001,
Thanks for the fumble, Dude.