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Volume 653 - You Know I Love the Element of Surprise


December 1, 2001                                                                                         Required Reading

 Double Quotes

 "Every serious democrat is glad that Bush is president
   and not Gore while we're going thru this terrorism crisis."
    -- Christopher Hitchens, who has even more hate than Maureen Dowd

 "That kind of wild talk just shows how crazy Mr. Hitchens is..."
   -- Barney Frank, on CNN with Hitchens the hate everybody bastard

 When Jesus Twins Lie

  Click  Here

 Busted at Goldies

 She who must be made happy was looking to go out for a burger Saturday.
 Since BartCop's Train Station closed in 1993, the best burger
 in K-Drag is from a small family chain called Goldies Burgers.

 It's a big-ass 1/3 pounder and they have some special seasoned salt and a secret ingredient
 that I think is Maggi's soybean seasoning made by, of all people, the Nestles chocolate company.
 Now, there are people who would kill for that secret, so write it down. Next time you're in a store
 with a lot of seasoning, buy you a small bottle of Maggi's (it's 3 ounces or so for $2.50) and sprinkle
 some on the burger you're about to grill and tell me that doesn't make a killer burger.

 So we're sitting there enjoying our meal while a fellow was cleaning the table next to ours and I was
 telling Lorena something about the page (it bores her to death) and when I said "Bartcop,"
 the dude's head whipped around fast, as in too fast and he stared at me.   I was busted.

 I figured out right away was was going on, because while he continued to clean the table,
 he'd steal a glance and clean some more then steal another glance.
 I'm certain he wasn't staring at my matinee idol good looks.

This Just In...

 CNN says U2 played My Sweet Lord as a tribute to George last night in Atlanta.

From:  calabris@altavista.com

Subject: Fair and balanced

Wow, you call your site fair and balanced?
I sure would hate to see it with a liberal spin!

Charles Gulotta

ha ha

I knew they couldn't take it when I spun their horseshit back at 'em...
Truth is, I'm more honest than anybody using that slogan.

 I finally saw the Michael Jackson tribute to himself.

 Click  Here

 It was tough losing George Harrison.

 You younger kids may not know, but when the GOP murdered John Kennedy,
 it was the baby boomer's original September 11th, and our lives were severely shaken.

 A nation in a funk, trying to pull its way out was helped by four mopped-top kids from Liverpool.
 Odds are the Beatles would not have achieved their strata without the timing that put them
 on the Ed Sullivan Show when America really needed something to make us forget yesterday.

 In their grief, some people are going overboard raking George's accomplishments.
 I heard one K-Drag radio DJ say that George maye have been the quiet one,
 but in many ways, his songs were among the Beatles loudest, which is, ...inaccurate.

 Sure, Gently Weeps is a great song, and Something is a decent ditty, but Harrison was no Lennon nor was he
 a McCartney, but his passing is still sad, partly because it reminds us of our rapidly approaching mortality.

 And we should remember that George invented the idea of the benefit concert. He got Clapton
 and Dylan and Leon Russell and some others together to help the starving people of Bangladesh.

 Rest in Peace, George.

 From:  blue-dot@mindspring.com

 Subject: 35 dead American soldiers: Why aren't we being told?


 Here are links to two articles, one from an Indian newspaper another from
 Pravda, reporting that 35 American soldiers have died in a battle with the Taliban.
 I THINK that this predates what is being called the the "first" U.S. war death
 (that CIA guy). At any rate, it is not being mentioned at all by the Pentagon or the U.S. media.



 -Mr. Neal

 The links:



 Neal. no telling what's really going on.

 All we know for sure is that Bush can't reveal what he's really doing.
 And anyone who knows the real reasons for this war must be murdered - NOT brought to trial,
 And he can't allow the Reagan papers out because we might find out what his daddy's crimes were,
 And if, somehow, those secrets get out, Bush will pardon everybody to bury those secrets.

 ...meanwhile the Democrats are saying, "Bush is MY president, and I support him 100 percent,"
 while the lapdog press is saying, "It's our duty not to ask any questions or to anger Mr Rove."

 Is this the funniest site currently on the www?


Important message from Media Whores Online

 Click  Here

 Email the New York Times  letters@nytimes.com
 Request that they meet their journalistic responsibility, and minimize their embarrassment,
 by "clarifying" their false headline on the consortium recount as soon as possible.


 "I'm glad to hear from Mrs. Bush. Now we will find out who she is."
    -- Gloria Steinem

  Gloria, no, it means we'll find out what Karl Rove & Karen Hughes want her to be.
  Pickles Bush has no opinions of her own.
  She brags about the fact she's "no Hillary Clinton."

 Why has this issue taken so long?

 1. I've been stuck in Springfield, Missouri waiting for a lady with a van full of kids
     to make a left turn on a half-busy street near the highway.
 2. Everytime I open Eudora or Microsoft's Express my Windows crashes.
 3. When I got to work Friday my boss asked me to do some actual work.
 4. I was so blown away by the Garbage/U2 concerts I forgot how to write.
     (Review to follow)
 5. All of the above.

From: ChestRkwl9@aol.com

Subject: Identity of Blond in Gap Ad


That is Liz Phair at the end of the Gap ad. She put out a couple of great albums in the last several years
 - one is called "Exile in Guyville" which was meant as a response to the Stone's "Exile on Main Street".
She also had a near hit single, "Supernova" about 10 years back.
Sorry to shatter your illusions, but she is American.

Hope this allows you to sleep better at night.
Love your site.


Emily, thanks for that.
Funny you should mention a good night's sleep.

After the second Garbage/U2 show (in St Louis) they had comedy pay-per-view back at the hotel.
I had trouble getting to sleep, so I dialed up "The Contest" episode of Sienfeld to watch.

Everybody who ever saw Seinfeld remembers "the contest," where the four tried to see who could
go the longest without masturbating. But who remembers the final frame of that episode?

George started it all when his mother caught him with a Cosmo and fainted so hard she hurt
her back and had to be hospitalized.

Kramer lost after he saw the pretty nudist from Jerry's window and ran back to his apartment for
about 90 seconds, then came back and slapped his money down on the table and said, "I'm out."

Jerry was trying to hold out, and couldn't use a "natural" outlet, which was legal, because he was
dating Frasier's Daphne, who was a virgin and wasn't sure Jerry was deserving of her prize.

Elaine paid up after her friend at the gym put her right behind JFK Jr as he exercised.
But it was worth it for her because she got to meet John-John and he asked her out on a date!

When Jerry's virgin, Daphne, found out he was in "a masturbation contest," she fled his apartment in tears
just as Elaine gave up waiting for JFK in front of Jerry's apartment, figuring she got stood up.

Bottom line (massive applause) since Elaine wasn't there, John-John tried to console the crying Daphne,
and ended up taking her out instead of Elaine. So the final shot that closed the show was Daphne
rolling over in bed with a smile saying, "John, that was the greatest."

Interior Secretary ordered to trial.
 Gale Norton ((R-dumpsinownbackyard) headed for federal prison?

 Click  Here

 A federal judge on Wednesday ordered Interior Secretary Gale Norton to stand trial on contempt allegations
 related to a long-running lawsuit accusing her of mismanagement of a billion-dollar Indian trust fund.

 U.S. District Judge Royce (Maximum) Lamberth set a trial date of Dec. 3 for Norton and Assistant Secretary
 of Indian Affairs Neal McCaleb to show why they should not be held in contempt.

 Ditto-monkey Mail

From: sharvey@Gaylor.com

Subject: ohh my god

"Exhibit B"

yo dude it would easy to prove you wrong if you would pay attention.

I just read two pages worth the lies from YOU not O'reilly, not Snow, not Hume, and not Rush.
You are a frickin whack man.
I don't know where your mama is but she needs to smack your bitch ass upside that head.
I don't even think you know the difference between the truth and lie.
You seem to know so much about who is a Liberal and who is not...you sure did add about 25 people too many to the list.

I really don't even know why I am emailing your pathetic ass.
You deserve less than the gutter for X-mas. Check your facts and report back to this "DittoHead."

Sheridan Harvey

ha ha

Sheridan Harvey, that's a "dandy" name.
Any relation to Paul?

I'm not sure how, but I must've hit some new "faith-based" search engine,
because I got a ton o mail from knuckledraggers finding  bartcop.com for the first time.

War on Terror or War on Freedom?
  by Gene Lyons

 Click  Here

A religious crackpot utterly unsuited to be Attorney General, as recently as 1997 Ashcroft
appeared in a Phyllis Schlaffly-sponsored video arguing that Bill Clinton was conspiring with other
Democrats to hand over the U.S. to a cabal of "international bankers." It doesn't take a psychic
to know  where he and Asa Hutchinson, his running buddy at DEA, would like to take this thing.

Devil banned from Florida town
A mayor has banned Satan from her Florida town.

 Click  Here

Carolyn Risher has composed a written statement saying
"Satan is hereby declared powerless, no longer ruling over, nor influencing, our citizens".

 ...and I thought Oklahoma had the stupidest political handjobs in America.

 Why we should all be concerned
 about the erosion of our civil liberties
    sent in by Patrick

  Click  Here

I was held for fourteen days.  I can say that I was treated fairly well,
except that I was told nothing.  My family was told nothing.  For three
days, my wife did not even know where I was.  She called the local police,
because she learned from the neighbors that it was a local police car that I
had been taken away in, but they claimed to have no knowledge of any arrest,
search or anything.  They assured her that I had not been taken away in one
of their cruisers.  The neighbors assured my wife that I had.

My wife only found out where I was because I was able to beg one of my
guards to call and tell her.  The guard was very uncomfortable with the
whole situation, and did not like what the FBI was doing, so he was willing
to help, at great risk to his own job.  I gave him a code to use so that my
wife would know he was legitimate and that he had talked to me.   He called
and told her that I was being held at FBI Headquarters.  Of course, when she
called to ask if she could see me, the FBI denied that they had me.  My wife
explained that she knew they had me, and they assured her they did not.

This is the fault of the Senate Democrats.
They knew Ashcroft was religiously-insane when they confirmed him.
They knew Ashcroft would design a "new America" if he had the power.

Now Ashcroft has more power than Ken Starr ever thought about.
We have no more Bill of Rights.
We have only Ascroft's religiously-insane sense of right and wrong,
and when he reads The Holy Bible, it tells him liberals are evil.

From: (withheld)

Subject: Chocolate place in TN

What is the name of that chocolate place in TN that advertises on your site?
I'm doing some Christmas shopping.  Thank you.


 Dave, It's South's Finest Chocolate.


 And don't forget to try some "break up" chocolate.
 I don't think it's advertised on their site.
 It's pure, plain milk chocolate, and it's the best you'll ever taste.


 Remember when Paul Harvey claimed Clinton did nothing to stop terrorists?
 Snopes has a list.


 Thanks to keydeer

 Betraying the Faith

 Click  Here

 Using a federal court system debased by the extremist appointees of Ronald Reagan and the first
 George Bush, the anti-democrats tried for eight years to bring down a twice popularly elected president.
 They failed in that, but a majority of the United States Supreme Court, which once embodied the best of
 American ideals, cynically stole the 2000 presidential election from the American people.

 Hi to the Krispy Kreme ladies on I-44 in South St Louis county.

 Sixty years ago Monday...

 The Japanese 1st Air Fleet sets sail from the Kurile Islands for Pearl Harbor.
 The force, commanded by Admiral Chuichi Nagumo consists of 6 aircraft carriers,
 2 battleships, 3 cruisers, 9 destroyers and 8 oilers.

 Click  Here

 They were heading towards the Hawaiian islands and a day of infamy.

 I see where ABC has canceled the mildly-amusing Thieves, starring Melissa George and John Stamos.
 It wasn't the best show on TV, but buried on the weekend, what ratings did they expect?

 Meanwhile, they've ordered more epsiodes of  Philly, so we can all get depressed as hell
 watching Kim Delaney cry herself to sleep at the end of everyshow because her life is shit,
 her partner is a lecherous slug, her ex-husband is a blackmailing son-of-a-bitch and every
 judge in Philly wants in her pants or he'll rule against every client she every brings before him.

 Yep, that's what America needs right now.
 "Life sucks and it never gets better so screw it and just cry about it."

 I guess I'll check over at and see what else is new in Entertainment.

 So Much for 2001
 by The (Original) Die Hard

  Click  Here

The illiterate drunk is on his fortieth vacation, napping while photo-ops are set up and his
daughters get falling-down drunk. His fawning sycophants exhort us to believe "what a great
country this is," while dissenters are arrested and disappeared by the "watch what you say"
Gestapo in the name of a faked-up, all-secret "war." Billionaires quietly tell the "lawmakers"
they own that there's no need to pay someone a living wage to do slave labor when people are
starving in the streets and will be happy to take whatever crumbs are tossed to them - after all,
owning slaves is the dream of no-class thieves who need to prove their "superiority" and
"prosperity" without actually being able to do anything.

 The Garbage/U2 Concerts

 Click  Here

 By this time I figured we must be nearing the end.
 They're running out of songs, I thought, and running long on time.
 Then they brought out Pride, for Martin Luther King Jr.

 Halfway thru the song, a giant video screen appeared for the first time.
 It had Dr. King's face, nothing else - about eight feet tall - staring at the crowd.
 When it came to the chorus, Bono screamed, "Sing for the King!"

 ...then while the band continued to play, something happened:
 Dr. King's frozen likeness came to life and started speaking.

   "Like anybody, I would like to live a long life.
     Longevity has its place.
     But I'm not concerned about that now.
     I just want to do God's will.
     And He's allowed me to go up to the mountain,  and I've looked over.
     And I've seen the promised land.  I may not get there with you.
     But I want you to know tonight, that we, as a people will get to the promised land."

   Early morning, April 4
   Shot rings out in the Memphis sky
   Free at last, they took your life
   They could not take your pride

 Jesus Christ, you think that wasn't a moving moment?
 Nobody delivers like U2.


 Lots of great toons on RB Ham's site...

 Hey, wait a minute...

 I just realized the last time I had a donut from Krispy Kreme it was
 the World Trade Center Krispy Kreme, which isn't there anymore.

 That's kinda sad...

The Heart of the Warrior
   by Barbara Hartwell

 Click  Here

 The so-called  terrorist attacks of 9/11/2001 against this grand
 country of ours are ALL carefully planned and orchestrated events .....
 creating chaos, confusion and fear. The ultimate outcome of which will be
 Legislation that will further strip America of it's civil and Constitutional rights.

 It's hard for me to believe that, with my IQ of 64, I'm smarter than most Democrats in DC.

 I didn't catch much hard news in the last week, mostly soundbites from ABC Nazi radio.
 But one phrase I heard again and again was, "The Democrats are against the idea
 of military tribunals for the terrorists who bombed the World Trade Center."
 Which leaves the Democrats looking like unpatriotic idiots.

 That's not the case.
 You never let the religiously-insane opponent frame the argument.

 Why don't the Democrats stand up and say, "No, that's not the case. We are against the idea
 of George Bush holding secret trials for his former business partners to hide the crimes of
 the Bush Family Evil Empire. We are also against trials where the ACCUSED have no rights
 because in the United States of America we have, (or had) a Constitution."

 Secret trials without a lawyer in front of a jury of Bush appointees?

 I have a question:
 What will the future hold for any Army general who votes to acquit a suspect
 that was HAND-PICKED by the Unelected Fraud to stand trial in secret?

 In Ashcroft's America, that general might be accused of being a "terrorist sympathizer,"
 and put on trial for aiding and abetting the enemy in times of war. So, the generals might
 have to vote "guilty" as a form of self-defense.

 This is scary, scary shit, and the Democrats are meek, silent and scared.

 Behind the Scenes in the Beltway
  Imperial America and the Homeland Colony: Return of the American Caesars
     by Al Martin

  Click  Here

 Why are the Democrats going along with it?
 Why aren't the Democrats seizing this as a political opportunity?
 Because all the senior Democrats who sit on these investigating
 committees are being afforded unprecedented amounts of pork.

Remember - Ashcroft is watching you.

He's reading your e-mail, he's listenting to your phone calls.
He's got a camera in your bedroom, "searching for Al Qaeda."
He's severely insane, and he controls all law enforcement in America.

We in trouble.

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