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but fair & balanced, nonetheless...
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Before we name
more schools & airports after Ronald Reagan,
PayPal to email@example.com
POBox 54466.... Tulsa,OK 74155
Enjoy cross country skiing, snowmobiling, hike through the snow covered forest
shake hands with a moose or relax by your cabin's fireplace after a long hot sauna.
...so, you know how grey my
hair is? Well all this week it's been big & fluffy because you know
those little bottles of conditioner and shampoo they have in the bathrooms at The Venetian?
We brought all those home and I've been,... ...wait, Oh, Geez, ...are we on?
Hey, ...hello, and welcome to Bart's Treehouse!
Today is Friday, the last Friday of the year.
As is our wont, we like to start Fridays with a cheap, personal attack from the house organ of the Republican Party.
This time it's from Peter Roff at the Washington Whore Times.
"One only need surf over to a variety of web
sites including Buzzflash, Bartcop,
Democrats.com and others of the left-of-center variety to see the often-profanity laced vitriol,
the derision with which the president and his administration are viewed."
Excuse me, Mr. Moonie, but you forgot scorn, distain, contempt,
ridicule and truculence.
Yeah, ...lots of truculence can be found at bartcop.com
Plus, they don't use profanity at Buzzflash or Democrats.com,
You screwy ponytails never get anything right, do you?
"Perhaps they should be given some latitude
for their abrasive style of communication,
as they are not accustomed to the niceties of life and language inside the Washington Beltway."
I'm not nice enough for the Washington Beltway?
Your Moonie Times spent a decade fabricating
against Bill and Hillary when all
they ever did to you was turn Reagan's deficit into a surplus, create 20,000,000 jobs,
lower teen pregnancy and crime and what else? Oh, yeah - he tripled the stock market.
What you slimy bastards did was much uglier
and more profane than anything ever printed at bartcop.com
so you can just blow me.
One other thing, Peter; Sun Yung Moon called.
He wants you begging at Gate 16 at Washington National Airport this weekend.
He said to be sure to wear a clean toga, too.
He said he's been getting complaints about your appearance.
...and, Peter, ...thanks for reading bartcop.com
Using Mariah Carey Film in Al Qaeda Interrogations
Tactic 'Borders on Torture,' Human Rights Organization Howls
This Just In...
bin Laden believed to be
bin Laden believed to be in Tora Bora
bin Laden believed to be in Kandahar
bin Laden believed to be in the White Mountains
bin Laden believed to be here...
bin Laden believed to be there...
Why do they even bother with that crap?
Just because some used camel dealer thinks he might've seen someone
a little like bin Laden is no reason for every major news outlet in the western hemisphere
to jump in and scream, "bin Laden believed to be here."
It doesn't make any difference who believes what.
When they find his dead ass, THEN break in with the news, OK?
Subject: Gerard Depardieu
You say Depardieu is an admitted rapist.
Check your sources.
In French, "assister" translates by "to watch",
not "to assist" (which would translate by "participer").
What Depardieu meant in the interview you inderectly refer to is that he saw a rape when he was young,
not that he commited one.
Mistranslations when using a close-sounding word
for another do happen, moreso when the translation
happens between languages like French (or German for that matter) and English.
If you don't believe that, try and explain to
us why France's most admired and respected actor would
choose to destroy his image by admitting a crime, and to do so in an English interview first.
Aside from that, still love your work.
Just wanted to put that myth right.
Happy New Year
I'm not the victim of a faulty translation.
I read an interview he did years & years ago, where he said he used to roam the streets
with a "rape gang" and that raping girls was something that "all the kids did" back then.
He said it was "part of growing up" for men in his neighborhood.
It made me sick.
This interview was in some women's magazine, I think.
I was at the dentist or something, reading to kill time.
Campaign Gifts, Lobbying Built Enron's Power In Washington
During the administration of the first President George Bush, a new party fundraiser
named Kenneth L. Lay was invited to spend the night at the White House.
The sleepover was an early coup for the chairman of Enron Corp. and a harbinger of things to come.
Over the following decade, Lay and Enron poured
millions of dollars into U.S. politics,
cultivating unequaled access and using the entree to lobby Congress, the White House and
regulatory agencies for action that was critical to the energy company's spectacular growth.
Well, this can't be right, because the whore press
told us Clinton was the one who turned
the Lincoln Bedroom into a fund-raising tool, so Poppy Bush must be innocent, right?
The press knew Bush was selling access to the
Lincoln Bedroom, but they pretended
Clinton invented it because it's just not a story unless it's about Clinton's zipper.
The press continues to cover for the Bush Family Evil Empire to this day.
Subject: Bush Has 90% Approval Rating For What?
Is it the tax refunds for the wealthy that were
supposed to have a trickle down effect?
Is it the record budget deficit?
Is it the record unemployment rate?
Is it the record low spending on Christmas?
Is it the dismal performance on Wall Street?
Is it his failed intelligence agency that allowed us to be attacked?
Is it the way he threw out the first pitch during
the world series?
Is the way he allowed all those civilians to be killed in Afghanistan?
Is it the way his friends at Enron stole billions from the employees?
Is it for the way he hid like a whipped pup on Sept. 11th?
I give up.
What is the reason his approval ratings shot up suddenly to 90%?
Jim in Rochester, MI
THE DENVER CONNECTION
by Barbara Hartwell
I have also had to think about the true identities of the several sets of
government agents who paid visits on Hall, between the dates of November 7
and December 10. The first set, who showed up the day after Hall's arrest
on November 6, for 'assault with a deadly weapon on gov't officials' at the
Denver Social Security Office, claimed to be FBI. These were the guys
who claimed to be among a few 'good guys' still inside the gov't, who also
claimed they 'supported' my cause --defending the Constitution-- and said
they understood that what the CIA had done to me was wrongful.
I really believe they're on my side....real stand up guys.
Everything was OK until Ari Fleisher spoke...
by Dick the toe-sucking Traitor
Had [Clinton] adopted this common-sense approach, Mohammed Atta would have
been thrown out of the country - and barred from re-entry - after he was found driving
without a valid license by Florida police, three months before Sept. 11.
Dick Morris spends his days trying to tarnish Bill Clinton's reputation,
which means he has a lifetime job on .
In this column, he paints the picture that Clinton "wasn't interested"
in stopping the terrorists,
because, Morris claims, he failed to take certain actions during his administration.
Now, we'll never get the complete story from a whore like Morris, but I wonder why
he doesn't fault Bush for failing to take the same action he wanted Clinton to take?
You got an answer for that?
If Clinton was so wrong to not push for that legislation,
why are you giving Weak & Stupid a pass for ignoring it?
Could it be that "R" after his name and the fact that you're a whore?
By Ted Rall
God, Editor and Proprietor
NEW YORK -- CORRECTIONS:
On Friday, the Indian state of Gujarat was struck by a massive earthquake registering 7.9 on the
Richter scale. Anywhere between 15,000 and 100,000 people were crushed to death by collapsing
buildings, many of them composed of substandard building materials. God, who is omniscient,
ubiquitous and all-powerful, neglected to stabilize the tectonic plates that caused the quake.
God regrets the error.
Is Bush Still an Enron Fan?
If you follow George Bush's thinking on how to fix our broken economy,
you would throw a few hundred million in tax breaks to his buddies who bankrupted Enron.
Not simply because they bankrolled his ascension to the Texas governorship and the White House
but, more important, because they are modern alchemists who make money out of nothing.
by Al Martin
The Department of Defense has announced that the US is now going to begin arming and
supplying the so-called "anti-Taliban factions." And I had to laugh because this is the same
policy that's gotten us into trouble before - arming today's "freedom fighters" who become
tomorrow's "terrorists." That's how we created "Osama bin Laden" and now we're doing it again.
Detains Santa Claus
Feds Nab Suspicious Fat Man Entering U.S. From Canada
Claus, along with several elves, was wrapped up in a wide-ranging FBI sweep and
would be detained "indefinitely," Ashcroft said.
The Attorney General, who said that Claus
atempted to enter the U.S. on a long-expired
student visa, declined to divulge the identities of the elves.
"I don't want to give out any information at this
time that may be helpful to our enemies,"
the Attorney General said. "There may be other elves still at large."
Happy Birthday to...
Denzel is 47 Cokie the Ho is 68 Lt. Uhura is 68
Also, Edgar Winter is 55, and One Adam-12 is 60, and Roseanne Arquette's grandpa would've been 96
Too bad there aren't any Zeppelin/Lord
of the Rings fans out there,
who could do a report on how Tolkein's work crept into so many of Plant's lyrics.
I know Golom, the Evil One, crept
up and slipped away with her-er, in Ramble On,
I know the ring wraiths rode in black in The Battle of Evermore,
Some say Stairway to Heaven is all Tolkein
Just click on
"Somebody should paint a picture of Republican
leaders sitting on the knees of Santa Claus saying,
'Thank you for giving us everything we always wanted' and Santa Claus's face would be that of bin Laden."
-- Ron Richardson, of some AFL-CIO affiliate
That's as true as a Budweiser commercial.
I see terrorists in poor people.
I see terrorists in gook people.
I see terrorists in negro people.
I see terrorists in liberal people.
I see terrorists in faggot people.
I see terrorists in vagina people.
I see terrorists in beaner people.
I see terrorists in Catholic people.
I see terrorists in 'funny' web sites.
power invested in me by Patrick Leahy,
I'm coming to get you terrorists.
by Cliff Downing
This time, it's ISPs
Remember those two bottles of Chinaco Anejo I found in the mail?
I opened them both last night.
I wanted to compare them, because coming from different states,
they mathmatically had to be from different batches, right?
As she was preparing dinner, Mrs. BartCop said,
"Did you notice those two Chinacos are different colors?"
I suddenly became more excited than Pee Wee in Porkys One.
I was more excited than Ken Starr finding semen on Monica's dress.
Sure enough, one was considerably darker than the other.
I started doing my research.
One had "PP" in the serial number, the other had a "PG"
I took a sip of the first bottle, and wrote:
Starts without a bang, but closes real big.
I took a sip from the second bottle, the darker one, and wrote:
Starts with a fruit landslide, then closes with a bite.
After a couple of sips, I came to the conclusion that the darker
the best Koreshdamn tasting liquid I've had in my mouth in my whole life.
The lighter bottle is just fine, don't get me wrong, but the darker
seems as good or better than the famed "Wildflowers" Hall of Fame Chinaco.
Oh, I can't put into words how excited I am about this.
I sat there for about 30 minutes with the two shots, tasting the quiet Chinaco
and then tasting the landslide o' fruit Chinaco. It's just incredible.
It's just waaay better than anything.
I would pay $40 a shot for this stuff all f-ing day long.
It tastes like a million dollars.
It's the most exciting taste I've ever come into contact with.
The great news is, there's still 95 percent of it still in the
I have a bottle of the best-tasting tequila ever.
The bad news?
I don't know which bottle came from where.
It might be Gary's bottle from Oregon,
or it might be Geoff's bottle from California.
If you guys wouldn't mind doing me a favor...
If you could check the liquor store where you bought the Chinaco
and see which of you
found the "PG" batch, (it's possible it's "P6" - it's hand-written) I'll drive there if I have to
but it kills me to think there's more of this greatest-ever tequila out there.
I'm as serious as testicle cancer.
Tell me how many more bottles they have of this batch and I'll PayPal you enough money
to buy them, pack them and keep a nice finders fee for yourself.
I've never tasted anything this good before.
I gotta have more.
Thanks for the tremendous gift, easily the best Christmas gift I've had in ten years.
PayPal to firstname.lastname@example.org
POBox 54466.... Tulsa,OK 74155
Use the portal below and they'll throw bartcop.com a nickle and
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Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
Copyright © 2001,
Thanks for the fumble, Dude.