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Volume 1025 - Where's Osama?

Half-price war specials

 Thursday  March 20, 2003 


"We are going to be in such a fix when this war is over, or before this war is over.
  Our grandchildren's grandchildren are going to be paying for this war. I look at
  our future as, I'm sorry, being very, very dark."
     --Walter Cronkite, as angry as the rest of us

 What did he mean?

 Red alert? Stay home, await word 
  Does America have a curfew now?

  Click  Here

 If the nation escalates to "red alert," which is the highest in the color-coded readiness against terror,
 you will be assumed by authorities to be the enemy if you so much as venture outside your home,
 the state's anti-terror czar says.

"This state is on top of it," said Sid Caspersen, New Jersey's director of the office of counter-terrorism.
 Caspersen, a former FBI agent, was briefing reporters, alongside Gov. James E. McGreevey, on Thursday,
 when for the first time he disclosed the realities of how a red alert would shut the state down.

 A red alert would also tear away virtually all personal freedoms to move about and associate.

 Bush's 'Double Jeopardy' for U.S. Troops
  by Robert Parry, Editor

  Click  Here

 If George W. Bush orders U.S. forces to unleash his “shock and awe” onslaught against Iraq without UN sanctions,
 he will be opening American servicemen to a kind of double jeopardy. First, they will be risking their lives in a combat
 strategy far riskier than is publicly acknowledged. Second, any significant taking of civilian life could leave both officers
 and enlisted men liable for future war-crimes charges.

 Ready for the Peace?
   by Bob Herbert

  Click  Here

"Do most Americans understand that even as we are launching one of the most devastating air assaults in the history of warfare,
 private companies are lining up to reap the riches of rebuilding the very structures we're in the process of destroying? Companies
 like Halliburton, Schlumberger and the Bechtel Group understand this conflict a heck of a lot better than most of the men and
 women who will fight and die in it, or the armchair patriots who'll be watching on CNN and cheering them on. It's not unpatriotic
 to say that there are billions of dollars to be made in Iraq and that the gold rush is already under way. It's simply a matter of fact."


“This business of 'supporting the troops' is a fig leaf with which Democratic
  leaders can protect themselves against criticism. If they supported the troops,
 they wouldn't be saying what they're saying in the first place.”
     --Rush the Truth Molester

 Remember when Clinton had troops in the field, Rush would mock and ridicule the military
 but only in the second and third hours because his first hour was on Armed Forces Radio.

 Tust me, once we get the radio thing going, we'll have dozens or hundreds of sound files
 of Rush's own voice at our fingertips that we'll use forever.

 The truth is, the Republicans impeached Clinton while we were at war,
 but now we're supposed to remain silent and kiss the Emporer's ring?

I'm a man, not a monkey!

 Fait Accompli
   by Gene Lyons

  Click  Here

 And why the Azores, remote islands 900 miles off Portugal? Because no European leader wishes to
 appear on TV entering the servants door at the White House, while Bush's presence in London or
 Madrid would have sparked massive anti-war demonstrations on a scale never witnessed.

 Meanwhile, fools busy pouring Bordeaux wine into gutters and re-naming French fries--will
 "Freedom ticklers" be next?--had best start boycotting Canadian bacon and picketing Taco Bells,
 because Bush couldn't persuade even our closest neighbors. Polls show that majorities in Ireland,
 for godsake, consider Junior a greater threat to world peace than Saddam Hussein.

 Have you heard?

  is coming...


 One question. I wonder how many pregnant women there are in Iraq that will die
 by the hand of bush's death machine. Is killing a pregnant woman a no_birth abortion?

 If so I wonder how the tinkerheads that promote "right to life" reconcile this with their lust for war?

 Bob in Santa Barbara

 Somebody's asking questions? There's no need for that.
 I need a secret torture chopper in Santa Barbara.
 Pick up this 'Bob' character and take him to my secret
 Halliburton torture chamber and give him the works.

  Rock Quotes Rolling Stone arrived

"Why is everybody trying to stop the war?
  George Bush ain't been sayin, 'You all make shitty records.'
  Politicians and music don't mix."
    -- Kid Rock, who has it in for Tommy

 "If Michael Jackson had been my kid I would've whacked him, too because he's nuts."
    -- Ozzy,

 "He's not a leader, he's a Texas leaguer,"
   -- Eddie Vedder's Bushleaguer, from the new Pearl Jam album

 "We're all going to die when Bush gets his way."
   -- Chris Martin, singer for Coldplay

 An angry note from a former contributor

  Click  Here

 Pentagon Strategy for Post-Iraq Bombing
  As seen on the Specious Report

  Click  Here

 Qatar -- The Pentagon has submitted it's recommendation to Coalition
 Headquarters in the Persian Gulf for the most productive use of long-range
 bombers after penetrating Iraqi airspace.

 Subject: Hey Bart


 I just want to tell you that this may be a long battle, but I can't think of anything more worthy to fight.
 I see morons on the yahoo boards saying "yeah, Russia's next, they're nothing".  Well, living through the cold war,
 we know that's not true, and when they have an emergency session, it's for a reason.  Someone answered that they
 have something to the effect of 24,000 nukes.  The least that could happen here is a start of the cold war again.

 The Russians fought a brutal battle with the nazis, and had one of the most powerful military forces this world has ever seen.
 Any of these morons calling for war with them may just get their wish, thanks to the BFEE.  Just think, they were our allies
 after the cold war!  How could one unelected moron puppet cause this much damage in this short of a time?

 Anyway, that's not why I'm writing.  I'm writing just to tell you that your site has truly been a hammer of truth,
 and we appreciate what you have done more than you may realize.



"I don't know what I thought of George W. Bush when he first got in, but I've grown fond
  of the man, and maybe it's the times we live in. They say he's not an environmentalist.
  But every time I see his ranch on tv, it looks pretty nice."
     --Dennis Miller, on Leno

 Dennis, you can't be that stupid, you just can't.
 You think because this Ivy League whiner bought a ranch, that makes him a rancher?
 And because he scammed millions from the people of Arlington Texas, enough to buy
 a nice ranch in Crawford, that makes him an environmentalist?

 You can't be that stupid - you just can't.

 The Perpendicular Pronoun
  by Modo the Dragoness

  Click  Here

 While the president seemed to endorse Mr. Powell's attempt at diplomacy, it's now clear that he simultaneously
 adopted Dick Cheney's plan for a military buildup that was bound to upend the diplomatic effort.

 The Wall Street Journal reported on Monday that even though Mr. Cheney receded into the background for months,
 he was choreographing events like Pluto, lord of the underground. In his undisclosed locations, he had dinner parties
 with anti-Saddam intellectuals and reached out to Iraqi dissidents and plotted the war with his old pal Rummy, letting
 Colin Powell vainly spend his prestige at the mealy-mouthed U.N.

 We'll never know from the ultrasecretive vice president whether he also touched base with oil industry types, since
 Halliburton and other big construction companies that give to Republicans now stand to make millions in contracts
 for reconstructing Iraq and reviving its oil industry.

 Close, Maureen.
 They're going to bill us for reviving Iraq's oil industry.

  Veterans Against Iraq War

  Click  Here

"Some of my friends think that we are not supporting the men and women in uniform if we protest the war.
 I tell them we are supporting them in the only way that shows we value their lives more than we want to
 stroke the ego of one spoiled rich kid."        --  N. Dale Thompson, US Navy 1957-79

Never forget

Click to Enter


"In Iraq's last presidential election, Saddam Hussein received 100% of the votes, a fact we know
  because officials said so. Instead, the Iraqis can expect a choice between two different American
  electoral models, either (a) the one employed in Florida in 2000, designed to ensure that the candidate
  with the most support loses, or (b) the modern version, as applied in more advanced states, where
  people vote on touch-screen computers. No one has yet got 100% of the votes by this method but
  Republican senator Chuck Hagel of Nebraska did get 83%. We know this because the company
  that built the machines - which he part-owns - said so."
     --Matthew Engel, Iraq, the 51st state,

 An Unproven Case, A Spurious War
       by Joe Conason

  Click  Here

 Over the past several months, as the President and his aides promoted the arguments for war,
 the American people came to believe that the Iraqi dictatorship has nuclear weapons. They believe
 that the terrorists who attacked the World Trade Center and the Pentagon came from Iraq.
 Most importantly, they believe a single "big lie": that Saddam Hussein worked in concert with
 Al Qaeda to perpetrate the atrocities of Sept. 11.

 The President has encouraged that false idea, even though he knows very well that our intelligence
 agencies have uncovered little information to substantiate the charge.  ...If Mr. Bush actually does
 possess "good evidence" of Iraqi complicity with the Islamist terror network, he should turn it over
 to his own government right away—because, so far, they haven’t been able to find any.


"Free nations have a duty to defend our people by uniting against the violent."
    -- Governor Rigor Mortis - can you belive 'he" said that?

 Subject: The War Begins

 At 2 AM this morning I woke up and turned on the TV only to learn Bush had finally started his dirty little war.
 I'm a veteran of the Korean War and in September I will be 70 years old but this morning for the first time in
 my life I am ashamed to be an American.

 I  do not support this war or the "idiot", "illegitimate" president we have.
 My prayer is that American will now wake up and I will still be around when we get rid of him, hopefully in 2004.

 I'm only writing this to say I support your effort in opposing this administration and I hope you continue to speak out
 against this corrupt president and his administration even though he has his war going on. I enjoy reading BARTCOP
 and it's good to get a laugh once in awhile in the midst of all the corruption and propaganda being disseminated by the
 media whores and this evil, mean spirited president we have and I honestly do believe he is "inherently evil", rotten clear to the bone.

 Robert W.

Marty's E! page
Only fresh late night TV is Jimmy Kimmel
Walter Cronkite speaks
Al Gore is joining Apple
No red carpet for the Oscars
Another Bush, Another Failure - NBC pulled 'Let's Make A Deal'.
Robert Byrd's 'Today I Weep for My Country')



 FOX Hires Monica - yes, that Monica

  Click  Here

"Monica has signed to host Fox's next reality series, "Mr. Personality."...In "Mr. Personality," a young,
 beautiful single woman will court several eligible men who must rely strictly on their personalities to
 captivate her. That's because each man will have some sort of mask or hood on throughout the "dating" process.
 Which is okay because, as Ms. Lewinsky can attest, personality is mostly from the waist down."

"Prophets Without Honor"

"Toe To Toe With The Empire"
 American Priests Spend Years in Prison

"Prophets Without Honor", non-fiction, by William Strabala, former reporter
 for The Denver Post and the Rocky Mountain News; co-author, Mike Palecek.

"A book to inspire us all, because it looks beyond the false gods of  our time,
 the ruthless political leaders, the timid intellectuals, the stars of People magazine
- and tells the story of the bravest people in America."
                                 - Howard Zinn

  Click  Here  for more information


"The United Nations Security Council has not lived up to its responsibilities, so we will rise to ours."
     -- Governor Stupid

 Translation: I want that oil - think you can stop me?

What's wrong with stealing?

 Bush gives Bin Laden everything he dreamed of

 Today is a great day for Osama bin Laden because Bush just gave him everything he dreamed of.
 We now have a war between Christians and Muslims. The United States economy is in a nose dive.

 Most of the countries in the world no longer trust us and are afraid of us.
 Our civil rights are gone as America becomes a police state.  Too bad we have
 an unelected moron for a president who played right into the hands of the terrorists.

 Marc Perkel

 Bart straightens out Dennis Miller
   I've wanted a piece of him since he turned Nazi.
   Pinch me - his rant has numbers in it - Woo Hoo!

  Click  Here

  Excerpt - are you kidding?

 Disclaimer: I believe this to be the Dennis Miller.
                      If it's not, I still had fun venting.

 We have a new mail box

 This is for radio bits, sound bites, parody songs -etc.
 We need pretty much everything - if it's short and funny - send it.


 Subject: Bahat


 On the eve of the US-led pre-emptive strike against the people of Iraq I ask you this:
 What will you say when the citizens of Baghdad defend themselves from the invaders and their army of occupation.

 Is that a question?
 What will I say when Baghdad defends itself?
 Gee, that's hard to say - what will you say when the sun rises tomorrow?
 I'm not trying to avoid your question - I'm trying to decifer it.

 How soon are you going to turn against them and ask that they be strafed and killed and bombed again
 and again and again and again until they are either ALL dead or ALL totally submissive.

 How soon will I call for that?
 Probably right after they do something that makes me angry as hell.
 So far, the "citizens of Baghdad" haven't done a damn thing to me.
 I generally only want people dead who have done some really bad things.
 Are you under the impression I'm for this war?
 Gee, I've been so wishy-washy about bombing Iraq, I can see where you'd be confused.
 I should pray on that.

 How many days should elapse after the declaration of war before the US-led forces Shock and Awe
 the nation of Somalia in accordance to your own wishes and directives?

 ha ha

 Wait, I get it - you're trying to build a trap, right?
 ha ha

 I don't do traps.
 That good a trap hasn't been invented.
 What in the world are you trying to get at?
 Do you see me in bed with the illegal AWOL boy?

 I remind you of what you wrote here:

 For those of you unable/unwilling to click, here's what he'she's angry about:

> As long as we have so many of our special ops boys in the Middle East, don't we still owe Somalia
> a super-severe ass-whopping from that ugly shit in 1993?  I think as long as we're in the area anyway,
> we should drop in on those bahat chewers with a dozen rolls of duct tape, a blow torch and a pair
> of needle-nosed pliers and explain to each one of those sons of dogs the precise cost of dragging the
> bodies of our brave soldiers thru the streets.  There's a score that needs to be settled.

 You bet your ass I wrote that.
 If it's your opinion Al Qaeda should be allowed to drag the bodies of our soldiers around town and
 not pay a price for that, well, let's just say you're no wartime consiglieri.  Only a real idiot would
 think that paragraph means we should drag innocent people out of their homes and murder them.
 Only a real numbnut would intentionally misread that to suggest I support "murdering Somalia."
 I obviously meant "while we're in the area, we owe the guilty a Number Six."

 Koresh, we have a true madman starting his worldwide reign of terror and you're so totally blind
 that you think I'm the guy who needs to be stopped?

 Remind us BartKKKop, why it is that you have called for the torture and death of the Somali people?
 Will you also call for the treatment towards the Iraqi people?


 ha ha

 Yeah, *I'm* the Nazi.
 Why don't you print up 1,000 bumper stickers that say that and let me know how they're selling?

 Promise me you'll be on the radio show?

 Advertising on

 For a limited time, you can buy two ads for $80 or ten ads for $300.
 If you go with the $300 package, you should get more than six "views" per penny.

the business address for more details.
 Also, page advertisers will be mentioned on the sure-to-be-a-smash hit 


"Dennis, darling, you know you are in great danger of becoming Sammy Davis Jr."
    --Arianna Huffington to Dennis Miller on Bill Maher

 I'm so old, I get this joke. For you younger kids, here's what I remember:
 During the Vietnam War, Sammy Davis came out for Nixon, the bastard who won in 1968 because
 A. RFK had been n\murdered by those who hate Democrats
 B. He promised to end the war in Vietnam. (It took him five years and tens of thousands of lives)

 As the nation turned, Sammy took heat for being "pro-death," and once he realized his mistake,
 he backed away from Nixon and said, "I'll never do that again."

 If you watch the old SNL reruns, you'll eventually see a skit where "Sammy" and "Nixon"
 are talking and Sammy keeps giving Nixon the high-five. Each time they touch hands, "Nixon"
 looks at his palm to see if any black came off.

 So, I bought my mixing board.
 It's a little thing, hell, I thougnt it was going to look like what Garbage uses,
 but it's just barely bigger than a pizza from Ray's on 11th and Sixth

 I think Mrs. Bart's Selectric was bigger than this, but my experts tell me
 it's up to the challenge so we're on our way to audioizing the tequila treehouse.
  And we got slider things instead of turner deals, so we're ready to rock!

 I offered my ne'er do well friend, ...yeah, ...that guy who taught me html a bonus
 of a Fosters (Australian for beeer) if he can get the whole thing running by Thursday night.

 Reminder: Our silent benefactor is still matching all new subscriptions.
 Help make BartCop Radio an April thing, rather than a May-June thing.

  Click  Here   to support BartCop Radio


"If John Ashcroft has to run the Iraqi Justice Department as well as his own, how's he going
  to find the time to cover up the boobs on statues and arrest prostitutes in New Orleans."
        --Molly Ivins, Reconstruction reality check,

 America's $400bn war bill

  Click  Here

 The US is spending more on this war than it raises in taxes,
 paving the way for a nasty surprise for its taxpayers 

 BartCop - all he has is a webcasting studio, a smart mouth and the truth.

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                                  Shirley Manson

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