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 Quotes

"If a murderous dictator won't use WMD when
  he's days or hours from death, when would he use them?
    -- BartCop, having a rare moment of clarity
 
 

"Saddam Hussein is bluffing!"

 Click  Here

  ...at least I think that's the message my good friends
 at takebackthemedia.com want you to know.

 What is this?

 It's Bush going AWOL from the Texas National Guard.

 Good news - bad news
  The bad news is I got the date wrong.
 The good news is Susan is in Austin TODAY
 Call Susan McDougal today

  4:00 PM interview        KWNX AM  on the Paul Pryor Show in Austin

 Call  512-419-1077 at 4 PM CST
 Meet Susan McDougal tonight
  Tell her Bart says "Hey!"

 7:30 PM signing and talk
 BARNES & NOBLE
 1000 Research Boulevard, #158
 Austin, TX 78759

 She's in Houston Friday and Dallas next Wednesday - details to follow

 Click  Here to get her book and
 pay her back for her 22 months in prison.
 Great book, and I can say that because
 I actually read it and it's true!

 Subject: Some Funny, Some Not

 Bart!

 Congratulations -- I just heard your first recording. Loved the stories about Oklahoma.
 It was easy to listen -- I just clicked the link and my computer took care of everything else.

 Will you have a link on your page for "Today's Radio Rant?"
 -- so each day we just click it and listen?

 Thanks Very Much,
 Bob in Oklahoma
 

 Bob the Pillar - no, thank you.
 You were the only one who wrote.
 (Before press time, we did get a second positive e-mail.)
 You may have been the only one who clicked.
 Democrats often get befuddled by complicated instructions.

 Yes, once we get going, we'll have a link on the page for the Radio show.

 So far, we only have one radio sponsor, the lovely LL, so I guess people
 are just dying to hear Garbage, U2 and Zeppelin between bits.

 Commercials for BartCop Radio start at a very affordable $11
 for a 30-second spot and $21 for a full minute - damn, that's cheap.
 Do you know what the Super Bowl gets for a full minute?

 You can produce your own MP3 or send me text to read but don't
 ask me to say your product is "the greatest ever" unless you're making
 Chinaco Anejo, Bixby Corn or the South's Finest Chocolate.

 If you want your commercial read by a non-spaz, surely very soon
 we'll have people to produce your MP3 commercial for a small fee.
 I've talked to at least a dozen BC readers with great radio voices.

to this address to talk about business.

 Pearl Jam Revisted

 CNN, giving us live pictures of Saddam's statute being pulled down in Baghdad Square
 by our marines, showed maybe a thousand Iraqi people standing around cheering.

 Wait a minute - Baghdad is a city of five million people - where are they?

 Out of five million, only 1,000 people are celebrating in the streets?
 I'll bet if Iraq won the World Cup, there'd be a full million dancing in the streets.

 They can't be afraid to come out - the Marines are sitting on curbs smoking
 cigarettes, talking and laughing with the locals. It's obvious Saddam has no
 forces with which to attack them, so where are the other 4,999,000 people?

 Did we kill them all?

 At 10:30 CST, the headline on Yahoo News (an AP report) read:

 Iraqis Celebrate As U.S. Takes Baghdad
 Saddam's rule ended, jubilant crowds swarmed into the streets dancing

 Crowds?

 I guess you could call almost a thousand people a "crowd," but "swarmed?"
 Were those thousand people paid to show up? Did our fighting men distribute
 free beer and cigarettes to anyone willing to dance for the cameras?

 Once again, the rah rah, severely pro-Bush US media is lying to us.
 And AP, which is known for printing "facts" that haven't happened yet,
 (Remember that story filed at 7 AM that said Bush met with Boy Scouts at noon?)
 so maybe the AP is just giving us tomoro's news today.  Either way, the US media
 continues their pattern of lying to support the Unelected and Illegal Usurper.

 Iraq got their country back today.
 When do we get ours?

 What is this?

 It's Bush running away from Arbusto's cooked books.

 Last night, A&E did a cheesey movie about Napoleon.
 Robert Bianco, the most honest man at USA Today, had a great comment::

"I don't care how angry we are at France, Napoleon doesn't deserve this!"

 ha ha

 Bart,

 The sidebar (not on the web) to "The Story of O.: Life in and out of a political cult"
 pE6 of your Sunday April 6, 2003 edition, Click  Here says:

 Cult Warning Signs
 -- The group or its leader posesses the total and only truth.
 -- Pressure to cut ties with family members, friends and other attachments.
 -- Extreme, immediate and/or inappropriate attention or friendliness.
 -- Not answering questions or turning them back on the questioner.
 -- Jargon or language that makes no sense outside the group.
 -- A hard sell for commitment.
 -- Secrecy or inappropriate "confidentiality".
 -- Ends justify the means.  It is OK to lie for the cause.
 -- Those who leave are shunned.
 -- No criticism is allowed of the group or its leader.

 Now, be honest:  Isn't this a near perfect description of the George W. Bush administration?

 Sincerely,
 David E Romm
 

 David, I'm always honest - yes.

 Subject: BC Radio

 Listened to your 11 minute segment yesterday and suggest
 maybe you should drink more Chinaco before you start...
 

 Ouch - is was that bad?
 Remember, I said the early shows would suck
 and we haven't even started the early shows yet.

 Also, I still don't have an actual working computer and all my files
 are on CDRs, so our hoped-for April 15th premier isn't too solid right now.

 Hang in there - the radio stuff will get better.
 I'll work harder on the next batch.

 VCR Alert
 Lisa Marie on Dave

 Like they said in USA Today (I don't quote them because I respect them. I quote
 them because you can buy a copy at the 7-11 and see if I'm telling the truth.)
"The gritty but accessible tunes on her debut position Presley (weird to see that name)
  as a modern-minded roots rocker who doesn't shrink from blunt anger or profanity."

 "Blunt anger and profanity?"  - sounds like bartcop.com

 Continuing, "Her sincerity and pluck make you want to root for this mature novice."

 ha ha

 Just like  bartcop.com!
 

 Also, Wanda is tonight, against another West Wing rerun.
 I think we've had one new West Wing in the last six weeks.
 Does NBC want to kill this show?

 Just Tell Us The Truth
    by Andy Rooney

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 "I've lived a long while now and I don't remember any more unpleasant times than these.
 I'm not even interested in reading the sports pages. I hate everything about this war except
 that we're winning it...There aren't any good wars, but this one is especially bad. We want to
 win it quickly without more death but we're grown-up people, too. The President, Rumsfeld
 and the generals ought to stop treating us like children. Tell us the truth. We can take it even
 when it's bad. And the only real good news will be when this terrible time in American history is over."

 Can God Now Save America?

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 Aren’t there any Americans left, willing or able
 to oppose the lunatics leading them to certain ruin?

 Subject: It's all Clinton's fault

  Click  Here

 Quotes

"If you tell a free people they can't hear something, read something
  or see something, they are going to want to see, read and hear it all
  the more. So please, boycott the Dixie Chicks, try to start a boycott
  of Michael Moore, and watch what happens."
     -- Michael Moore
 
 
 

"Michael Moore - didn't he play James Bond?"

 Do you know the story of Rupert on Dave?
 At least this is how I remember it...

 Dave moved from NBC to CBS after that day when gravity stopped,
 causing NBC to pick not-as-funny Leno over Johnny's natural successor.
(Yeah, Leno has slightly higher numbers, but Leno has Hollywood for guests,
 while Dave has to settle for Jake Johannsen, Tony Randall and Frank Stallone.

 Anyway, Dave moved to CBS in 92, 93, somewhere in there. Right away Rupert
 let it be known that he was no Dave fan. He saw Dave's presence as a negative.
 That musta made the national news because I remember that Dave went-a-calling.

 The way I remember it, Dave put the charm on him that would make Clinton jealous.
 (Nobody can really do that, but I'm selling some sizzle.)

 I think it happened gradually, but Dave wore him down, and the last I heard,
 if you do a "Rupert" on a show like Dave, you get about $1200.
 The "Will it Float?" models? A minimum of $1200 per walk on.
 Stupid Pet Tricks? Never had one, but I'm pretty sure you get $1200 plus expenses.

 Dave once had a favorite female assistant that was leaving to get married, so Dave
 had her walk on stage each night for about 30 shows and say something to say something
 so she'd get her $1200 a night. Even with Catholic math, that's a $36,000 wedding gift

 And Rupert, after 11-12 years with Dave, is on a lot.
 He's been on once a week for years, so Rupert's made what, half a million over the years?

 Now ask yourself - how would our Never-elected Mama's boy have handled it?
 He would've linked Rupert to Al Qaeda as the "type of guy" who might help them,
 and then he'd tell Rummy to send the 3rd I.D. over to blow Rupert's Deli into child-sized pieces.

 I heard Rush the vulgar Pigboy bragging today. "Nobody's ever going to mess with Bush,
 because they know he controls the baddest killing machine on the planet, and that's a
 great way for the world's only superpower to handle themselves around their lessors."

 I just don't get our new America.
"We can kick your ass, so agree with me or I'll bomb your country?"

 ...and please, could a Falwell/Robertson fan explain to me why their churches love this war?

 Is it the Fifth Commandment "Thou mayeth kill if it's for oil?"

 What is this?

 It's Bush running to safety on 9-11-01.

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 [The Dixie Chicks] have not been hurt at all -- but that is not what the media would have you believe.
 Why is that? Because there is nothing more important now than to keep the voices of dissent -- and
 those who would dare to ask a question -- SILENT. And what better way than to try and take a few
 well-known entertainers down with a pack of lies so that the average Joe or Jane gets the message
 loud and clear: "Wow, if they would do that to the Dixie Chicks or Michael Moore, what would they
 do to little ol' me?"   In other words, shut the fuck up.

 And that, my friends, is the real point of this film that I just got an Oscar for -- how those
 in charge use FEAR to manipulate the public into doing whatever they are told.

 Quotes

"The type of force that picks you up and throws you, where you
  get traumatic amputations, you're pretty much already dead from the blast..."
     -- lost the link, but it was a guy/Doctor named Severance, no pun on my part,

 Subject: Live Debate

 Getting cold feet?

 Anytime anywhere Penguincop.
 JS.
 

 ha ha

 A ditto-monkey asking for the red ass?
 How about Thursday, 9 PM CST?

 We can get a private room on the bartcop chat channel
 That way others can watch, but only you & I can post.

 Instructions: http://www.bartcop.com/mirc.htm

 The only thing - you gotta bring the fight to me.
 I don't want to get in there and have you say,
 "So, what's the subject of this debate?"
 

 I was going to have my boots polished Thursday,
 but I'll switch my appointment to Friday.

 Hi there,

 I saw some Faux "Best Bush Suck-Job in TV News?...We Report, You Decide" News at
 the Post Office when my ears were assaulted by some joker whose name was (I think) Cavuto.
 This primadonna proceeded to preach at the captive USPS audience (including the blank-eyed,
 nodding piece of trash behind me) in a rant bordered by a huuuge banner, "Fox News Analysis."

 His rant?

 That (paraphrased), "I don't think you can ever satisfy these peaceniks...They want proof,
 we found proof of chemical weapons...I don't think they'd be satisfied if Saddam himself
 came up to them and handed them a tube of sarin gas...Anyway, they're either naive or stupid."

 I'm paraphrasing, of course, since I wasn't exactly taking notes there in line, and my attention was
 on trying not to lose my lunch, but he actually used the word "peacenik," and said "naive or STUPID"!
 Do you, or does anyone out there, have more details on this jerk-off and his "anal-ysis"?

 Doesn't sound very "balanced" to me.  But then again, I'm so indecisive, I can't decide if I'm naive of stupid.
 Keep up the hammering -- we need you!

 Jennifer Guerra
 

 Jennifer, welcome to Bush's Amerikkka.
 That's just typical FOX News horseshit.
 They're like that every hour of every day and even tho they're
 Number One in the ratings, their integrity smells like Number Two.

 Double Standards
 I got this uncredited e-mail and "worked" with it a little.
 I'll be happy to give the original author credit.

* What do you call someone who explodes a bomb and kills innocent people?

 - a terrorist

* What do you call someone who drops a bomb on a city and kills innocent people?

- an American pilot

 Oh Geez - the dentist!

 Yesterday at 3:29 CST, I started cooking a late lunch.
 Then I saw my reminder note - "Dentist 4 PM Tuesday."

 So I got out of my pajamas (just kidding) brushed and flossed
 my teeth again, got dressed and drove halfway across town.
 I made it at 3:56.

 It took me 27 minutes to do that.

 But then I got to thinking...

 The first plane hit WTC1 at 9:04 AM EST.
 The last plane hit the Pentagon about 10:08.

 How is it possible that old, arthritic Bart can go from zero
 to the dentist's office in 27 minutes, but our best fighter jets
 can't get in the goddamn sky in less than an hour?

 Has the  bartcop.com  hammer gotten big enough that we
 can get a question to a senator like, ...oh, ...say John Kerry?

 I know it didn't happen on Kerry's watch, but no Republican
 will answer that question because it hurts President Guilty,
 so can somebody get that question to Kerry or some other
 high-ranking aspirant of the Oval Office?

 Shit, as far back as 1998 I was getting e-mails that said,
 "There are high-raking Washington officials who read
  bartcop.com  and like it," and here we are, five years later,
 and I still can't even get a damn senate page on the phone,

...but don't we deserve
an answer to that question?

 I would imagine those pilots were told to "Stand down,"
 and I think we should be told by whom and why.

...don't we deserve an
answer to that question?

 If Bush didn't know in advance, why can't we get an answer to that?

 Why the hell do we pay for our military if we're only going to use it
 when some Unelected Fraud wants to steal another nation's assets?

 So let's say Saddam has the WMD Bush says he has.

 If, in his final hours, he orders 700 tons of Sarin gas exploded
 in downtown Baghdad and kills, let's say, half a million Iraqis,

 ...would the networks still insist Bush is a military genius?

 Quotes

“If they want to pick a fight, they've picked a fight with the wrong guy.
  I watched what they did to Max Cleland last year. Shame on them for
  doing it then and shame on them for trying to do it now.”
    -- Sen John Kerry replied to these McCarthyite Cowards.

  That triggered some personal vindictiveness from the top Right-wing
  lunatic in Congress, Tom DeLay, who Kerry responded to personally.

“I'm not going to let the likes of Tom DeLay question my patriotism,” said Kerry.

 And there you have it, the best damn quote I have seen from any
 Democratic Presidential candidate in… Wow… 45 years.
 

 I saw it on rackjite.com

 I heard Rummy say yesterday that once Saddam is toppled, the "Coalition Forces,"
 are going to set up free elections so the good people of Iraq can pick their leaders.
 

 I wonder is Diebold will get that contract, too?

 I can just see the president of Texaco winning by a landslide.

 We have a 

 Call  918-493-1500 - you have two minutes to say your piece.
 We'll then feed the fun calls into the computer for BartCop Radio.

 Call now!   918-493-1500

 We need your jokes, your impressions and your rants.
 Did anything piss you off today?  Let's hear about it!
 Some media whore needs slapping?  Get to it!

 Bush monkeys and ditto-wanks welcome, too.
 Step by step, we're getting closer to BartCop Radio.

 What is this?

 It's Bush running away from war protestors, 2003.
 

 Thanks to EK

 Be sure to subscribe while we're still not funny.
 Get in for the half-funny rate of only $5 a month.

 Is  Bartcop Radio  worth $10 a month?

 The right has a monopoly on everything but the Internet.

 Click  Here   to have your contribution matched by our silent benefactor.

 I saw a piece about how "patriotic" the ABC network was. It mentioned
 that ABC stayed with the war coverage while the other networks went
 back to their regular prime time programs, some of them (gasp) comedies!

 Well gee, most ABC shows are ranked in the eighties and nineties.
 They had no shows to go back to, so they stayed with the war coverage
 because getting a piece of that pie was better than their corry programs.

 Watching Rummy's news conference at 1 PM CST today.
 He's saying they haven't found ant WMD because Saddam
 must've shipped them out of his country under their noses.
 

 I don't like getting a handjob from Donald Rumsfeld.

 Quotes

"To be very blunt and God watch over Paul's soul,
   I am a 99 percent improvement over Paul Wellstone.
  Just about on every issue."
     --Norm Coleman, (R-bastard, sonofabitch, pieceofshit)

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                                                 Shirley