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Volume 1066 - Oil Monkey!!

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 Tuesday,   May 13, 2003 


"Because he's funded by [Bush family] friends in Saudi Arabia. Bin Laden is back living with
  his sponsors, his benefactors.  Do you think Bin Laden planned 9/11 from a cave in Afghanistan?
  I can't even get a cell signal from Queens."
     -- Michael Moore, on Bob Costas' HBO show, when asked why Bush hasn;t taken bin Laden

"This guy is still alive? I ordered him killed after the oscars.  Condiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!"

 U.S. to ask U.N. council for power over Iraqi oil 
 Washington wants control of revenues, wants permission to steal

  Click  Here

 The resolution, which was to be presented to the 15-nation body Friday, would shift
 control of Iraq's oil from the United Nations to the United States and its military allies,
 (They mean the B.F.E.E.) with an international advisory board having oversight responsibilities
 but little effective power. A transitional Iraqi government, which U.S. authorities have said
 they hope to establish within weeks, would be granted a consultative role.

 Another Bush handjob.
 They took control of that oil the day the first serviceman died.
 Bush used that day to say, "We shed blood for this oil, so we're taking it."
 The idea that any entity on the planet can have "oversight responsibilities" over
 these thugs would be funny if we didn't have 145 dead Americans just buried.

 And gee, the Iraqi transitional government?
 They're 100 times less powerful than the UN, which is completely powerless.
 Bush and his crime family will steal all the oil they want until greed takes a holiday - which is never.

 Now Bush has a trillion dollar war chest to buy his very first national election.
 With the help of the Bush-is-God media, who has a chance against them?

 Bartcop Radio is Here!

 Well - not quite, but the members area is being set up and a membership system is being installed.
 The move to the new system will take several days, and the plan is for the subscriptions generated
 will (more than, hopefully) pay for the increased costs of transmitting the giant sound files.

 Just $10/Month! Click Here!

 We have a bookkeeping nightmare, but we will try to get thru it.
 Sometimes people send $10 with a note that says "for BartCop Radio."
 The new system allows for a manual conversion of that amount to a month of BCR,
 but there are those who sent $3, $5, $15 or $17, (for which I'm very grateful) but odd
 amounts are more difficult to convert, which causes my IQ of 64 to quiver and quake.

 You know me - I'm not crazy enough to complain about getting too many contributions, and I know
 some of you are credit card-phobic, but right now I can't afford a secretary, or even a temp employee
 to help with the conversions, so maybe during the transition, we can come up with an idea how to
 handle individual, snail mail, month-to-month subscriptions.

if you have any ideas.

 I need all the help I can get.

 Santos Cleared of Wrongdoing in Derby Victory

  Click  Here

 Jockey Jose Santos was cleared Monday of any wrongdoing in riding Funny Cide to victory
 in the Kentucky Derby, sources told AP.   Santos met with Churchill Downs stewards who
 investigated whether he held something in his hand besides his whip as he won the race
 One source said there was no evidence Santos used an illegal device to win.

 Stewards decided to investigate after The Miami Herald published a photo and a wild claim.
 A Herald reporter brought the image to the attention of the stewards, who have ultimate
 authority over race results.

 Funny Cide's trainer, Barclay Tagg, said, "If you can move the reins and move the sticks (whip)
 and still get rid of something you have to be a pretty good juggler," the trainer said.

 Hmmm.... I wonder if Tagg reads

 And remember that the Miami Herald is a whore newspaper,
 screaming lies to attract attention to their false stories.
 Shame on them and every whore media outlet who screamed, "Scandal!"

 The media in this country lurches from one false handjob story to the next, all the time ignoring
 the major crimes of the B.F.E.E. with their false wars, criminal president and the stolen $11 trillion.

 Question for the 'President'

  Sir, looking at these easy even-for-you to read graphs, seem to be taking America in the wrong direction with your tax cuts for the super rich.

 Will you, right now before these cameras, be willing to bet your second term on your theories?

 If the deficit continues to grow and employment doesn't make a dramatic comeback this year,
 will you step aside in 2004 and give the Democrats the opportunity to do a better job?

 ...after all, they won the popular vote when you were appointed president.


"Colin Powell didnít know where any weapons of mass destruction were. Bush didnít know either,
  despite what he said...It was all a lie. Now, this week we find out perhaps invading Iraq wasnít about
  chemical, nuclear or biological weapons. Perhaps it wasnít about getting rid of Saddam, because today
  we donít even know where he is. Perhaps itís about the $7 billion contract Kellogg Brown & Root is
  getting not only to put out oil fires, but also to operate oil fields and distribute the oil. Perhaps there
  is nothing to the fact that Halliburton owns Kellogg Brown & Root. And perhaps thereís nothing to
  the fact that the contract was non-competitive. But perhaps, what we are seeing is that the war is
  about oil after all, despite the administrationís current protestations. At least, it seems, thereís more
  evidence to support that theory than the one that states the war is about weapons of mass destruction.
  And I know whom Iím not going to believe."
     --Ralph E. WirtzPerhaps it is about oil

 Iraq in danger of starvation, says UN
  They had plenty of food before Bush murdered Baghdad

  Click  Here

 Iraqi agriculture is on the brink of collapse, with fears that many of its 24.5 million
 people will go hungry this summer. A special assessment prepared by the UN
 agency's staff in Rome, with crops and poultry being especially hard hit.

 VCR Alert

  Lots of TV tonight - some of it good:

 Kimberly only has one or two more chances to be kidnapped on 24.
 Remember, all the action has taken place in one day. Have you ever heard of
 some woman being kidnapped 18 times by 17 kidnappers in one, single day?

 The once-funny Frasier is about "Duo ducks into a closet,"  Sounds like hilarity to me,
 followed by Watching Ellie, which nobody is.  NBC's whore promo department
 continues to call JL Dreyfus, "the funniest woman on TV," even tho they took her off the air.

 NYPD Blue might have a decent episode, but we might end up watching Lucky, on FX, instead
 Sure enough, Dave has former Iraqi POWs, and he's proven he can handle anything.

 From: carson koch

 Subject: Oooo the mayor of London

 Click  Here

 Graham Alleges a 9/11 'Coverup'
  If Bush is innocent, why can't we see the report?

  Click  Here

 Sen. Bob Graham on Sunday accused the Bush administration of engaging in a
"coverup" of intelligence failures before and after the Sept. 11 attacks to shield it
 from embarrassment, and said the war with Iraq has allowed Al Qaeda and other
 terrorist groups to become a greater threat to Americans than ever before.

 Graham, former chairman of the Senate Intelligence Committee, also accused the
 administration of jeopardizing the safety of Americans by blocking the release of
 a landmark congressional report on the government failures that preceded the attacks.
 He also said the White House has withheld from the public important information about
 the continued existence of terrorist cells in the United States ó including some with
 ties to foreign governments that the U.S. has been afraid to go after.

"By continuing to classify that information the American people have been denied
 important information for their own protection, for the protection of the communities,"
 Graham said on CBS News' "Face the Nation.

"Kill him. I want his family dead, too!"

 The Trouble with Experts

  Click  Here

 I shouldn't even mention guys like Michael Medved. I can remember him soft selling his social agenda
 to a willing market, seems like as far back as Ronald Reagan days. He started off as "some kinda media expertola"
 claiming to have some sort of "inside scoop" on that old evil of evils: Hollywood. I can remember him and other
 right-wingers claiming that Hollywood had the market cornered on sin, and they were all out to turn America into
 a commie-pinko paradise, and/or that rock lyrics were tainting our youth with "backward messages" that had to be
 the sourcebook of all evil (just ask him, he coulda proved it back then!). Thank goodness those clean-cut rappers
 came along and ran off all those evil ol rock bands, huh Michael?

 Maybe you noticed?

 I've hardly mentioned Rush lately.
 I haven't been listening to his show.
 I've been fasting from the Rush hatred until BCR gets started.

 But today in the car, I heard him spew some hate about that Jayson Blair guy,
 who was fired from the New York Times for ...lying?

 Wait - you can get fired from the Whore Times for lying?

 ha ha

 That's like getting kicked out of Guns n Roses for doing too many drugs,
 yet that happened to their first drummer, Steve what's-his-name...

 I'm still sore from Bush's Iraqi handjob, and I can't take another one for a little while.
 I think I dislike the Whore Times more than most Republicans, but the ever-resourceful
 Pigboy and FOX News found a way to turn this into a lynching of another black man.

 I never heard of this guy, if I ever quoted him it wasn't memorable.
 I have nothing against him besides he another example of a lying press whore.
 But Rush saw this as a chance to throw some red meat to the racist bastards who love him.

 I only heard a few minutes, and I think he opened Monday's show with it, but he said,
"This is what happens with affirmative action. This is what happens when liberals want to
 (starts with the baby talk) fix all the world's problems by forcing diversity on us."

"This what happens when you hire a nigger."

 It was clearer than Lake Concha.
 Rush got to say that, without actually saying the specific words.
 Trust me, Rush's audience got the message much clearer than Lake Concha.
 That's why Rush is Number One.
 He's a genius at saying it without saying it.

 And when you call him on it, he'll hide behind the printed transcript and say he never meant any such thing,
 that he was only talking about "government influence on hiring decisions," but we all know how the GOP
 really feels about the black man eating in their restaurants and sitting in their theaters.. Rush made all those
 millions by saying what you can't say out loud anymore, how everyone knows the niggers are shiftless,
 lazy rapists of innocent white women

 This is what built Rush's empire, it built Hannity and O'Reilly, it built FOX Whore News, it built MSNBC.
 Your Richard Mellons Scaifes and your Rupert Murdochs further the Reagan legacy of making America
 comfortable with it's extreme and overbearing racism.  We're going back in time, not moving forward..

 If only there was political party that stood for equal rights and equality for all Americans.  I'm so old,
 I remember a party with JFK's optimism, Johnson's power, Martin's dream and Bobby's idealism.
 I also remember a very popular president who took on the NRA, Big Cancer, religio-frauds and racist pigs
 and they spend a quarter of a billion dollars lying about his reputation until much of the public believed them.

 ...maybe in the next five days we can make our first, tiny dent in their evil machine.

Just released!

Click on banner for more

ďAt a time when the American people and, indeed, the people of the world,
 find that facts are in such short supply, this book is a must read. In times
 such as these, the truth is one of the greatest of all casualties. This book
 provides quick First Aid to those who seek relief from the propaganda
 and disinformation that flood the major information channels.Ē
     -- Cynthia McKinney, former U.S. Representative, Georgia,
         Dixie-Chicked for telling the truth?


"Whoa, ...where we you when I was in high school?"
    -- Dave to swimsuit model and Survivor winner Jenna Merasco after she
        admitted she took off all her clothes for peanut butter and chocolate

 Wait, did I hear that right?
 Tonight Dave has some of our boys who were Iraqi POWs?

 Hell, I'll watch that.

 ...and now, a message for  phones.

 ...can you blow me now?

  takes five steps,

 ...can you blow me now?

  takes five steps,

 ...can you blow me now?

  takes five steps,

 Letter to Ann Coulter

 Hey Annie,

 Do us people with a brain a favor and check yourself into the nearest asylum.
 Why you're given a platform to espouse your Nazi takes on life, I'll never understand.
 You're obviously a very sick individual and need help to deal with all that anger you carry around.
 Either that or get a supersized dildo to release all that constipation.

 By the way, Coulter, two questions:

1. Why aren't YOU married and have kids since that's the only ways women can validate themselves in your parallel universe?

2. Where's YOUR military experience?  You jumped on Clinton's back for not serving in Nam and now you stick up
     for a rich boy who went AWOL from his National Guard duty so he could go drinking and whoring in Mexico
     while bashing a decorated Viet Nam veteran?

 Get bent!


 Donna, as you can see, she is bent  -  over Ronald McDonald's lap.

 Subject: Clinton


 President Clinton got his education the old-fashioned way - he earned it.  By all accounts,
 he did a damn good job too.  Perhaps it was the lack of silver spoon, or just plain intelligence.
 Chelsea is making the same path for herself, from what I've read she's a top student.

 I think I got a C, then a D in first year biology, but I remember bits and pieces.
 If your parents are two of the sharpest knives in the drawer you'll probably be smarter.
(I'd like to apologize to Barbara Bush for that vicious and heartless slap in the face.)

 I have a theory about why the media attacked President Clinton so rabidly.
 The corporate owners were being forced to pay their fair share of taxes, and now they're not.
 Simplistic reasoning, but just as logical as any other theory out there.


 Migs, don't forget racism. Racism is always near the top of the list for the GOP.
 It's their basis for fundraising?
"Give us money or Willie Horton is coming for your daughter."

 Clinton was a friend to the "dark people," and that's what fueled The Arkansas Project
 that fed wacko theories to Ken Starr and the House Impeachment Committee.  Read Brock's book,
 read Susan McDougal's book - better yet, read The Hunting of the President by Conason & Lyons.

 Clinton, the "nigger-loving anti-Christ" was president, and he had to be taken down at any cost
 No matter how many fabricated rapes they had to finance, he was coming down.

 In Oklahoma, racism is big.
 Hell in the Dust Bowl, racism trumps everything but college football.
 Want proof?
 How do you think Uncle OJ Watts got elected in this klanland of cock-fighting, snake-handlers?

 Quote from Uncle OJ Watts, former Oklahoma Coporation Commissioner:

"There nothing wrong with taking money from companies you regulate."

  ...and they promoted him from Corp Commissioner to US Rep with that conscience in his head?

 Uncle OJ Watts maybe be a for-sale crook and a traitor to his race,
 but he could run that triple option better than anybody in Austin.

Looting Iraq

 Over the weekend, I found myself with a rare 15 minutes with nothing to do,
 so I clicked on the Mile Malloy archives stored at

 I clicked on his most recent show from Friday, May 9th, and I'll be damned if Mike wasn't going off
 on Bill Bennett's hypocrisy just the way I would have.  Matter of fact, he read part of my Bennett rant
 from Volume 1061 - Sand Trap   (It's about 28 minutes in)

 I was so flattered.
 I wish I could afford Mike to vocalize all my issues - they're much better when he reads them.

 Remember, Mike's on from 9 PM-Midnight EST at
 If you can't listen live, check out Mike's archives at

Marty's E! page
 A whisp of Michael Dare
'Holland-Dozier-Holland' & the Hollywood Rockwalk
(damn deserving, too)
Miramax, Michael Moore & 'Fahrenheit 911'
MTV & NBC picked up Carson Daly for another year
Lisa Marie Presley rocks London
Lucasfilm Animation
NBC announces new shows & cancellations
And the Tony Award nominations



 I tried to see this over the week end.  Just a Black window.
 No scroll button Nothing but black.  689kb or somethings...
 The bottom goes blank when it finishes.

 What is the Top Gun stuff 'held over"?


 Jim, it did the same thing when I used Netscape (old version)
 but it worked fine with Internet Explorer.

 Wish I could be more help.

 Was there a full moon last night?

  From: edw

  Subject: Clap-on Clap-off

  Click  Here

 Ever wonder if you could really win an honest debate?

 He's begging for a shot at Ol' Bart in a debate room.
 Sometimes begger's dreams come true.

     A Democrat fights back
     Fiction,    by Mike Palecek

  Joe Coffee tells his wife that heís thinking about running for Congress.
"Coffee Joe" speaks out against prisons and the military and no one takes him seriously  - at first.
 Soon, terrified establishment politicians try to stop him.

 Joe Coffeeís Revolution provides a refreshing alternative perspective.

  Click  Here  to order your copy today.

 [Palecek is a former reporter, federal prisoner, and seminarian.]

 Also by Mike Palecek:   Click  Here

 Subject:  What Language does Bush Speak?

 I was watching CNN today and listened in awe as our "leader" add a new word
 to the English vocabulary, "gooder".  He used this word at least four times!

 Where the hell did that come from?  The American majority sure did not pick him
 as our president based on his use of the English vocabulary!  And in defense of Texas,
 it is not a word used in Texas that I ever heard!

 How about a top ten list of new words bush has added to the English vocabulary!
 Is America gooder now?
 God help us!!!!


 Rey, my son, the American majority clearly went for Gore, but those Bush bastards have crooked friends
 in high places who usurped the will of the people and installed this monkey in a man suit as our king against
 our wishes and against the Constitution. Democracy was raped that cold winter day in December of 2000.

 While prepping for the coming radio show, I found a sound file where MonkeyMan says,
 "I won't let my opponent define me in terms that are untrue and unright."

 Just to be sure, I looked up "unright" in Merriam-Webster's online dictionary and they
 said "Knock it off, Bart" and suggested that "unbright" might be what I was looking for.

 Yeah, that says it all...  The unbright President.

 Isn't it funny how the Bush twins used their father's worldwide influence to
 arrange a pot party with Ashton Kutcher, the guy from, "Dude, where's my car?"

 Those poor girls seem to have inherited their father's brains, isn't that sad?

 I got a letter recently scolding me for not running that "Bush girls get stoned" story,
 so I looked for it - and Bush's good puppy whore press has totally buried that story.

 Go ahead, go to Yahoo News and search for Kutcher or "Jenna Bush."
 You get three non-stories on Kutcher and ZERO for Jenna Bush.
 To help the never-elected fraud fool the people even more, the American news media
 has a total blackout on this story, to curry favor with the Corrupt Commander.

 But oh, remember when Chelsea was seen wearing a white top?

 Every newspaper in America screamed, "Chelsea was seen in public in a state ot total arousal,"
 and it played on every TV program for a week and every talk radio host got a sore hand from it.

 This kind of shit pisses me off, and it's this kind of stuff that will make 
 the most blistering thing many of you will have heard in a loooooooooooong time.
 You should not look forward to my losing my temper - it's something to be avoided and dreaded.

 The good news?
 Bush can't threaten Australia with reprisals for telling the truth. As always, to get the news the rest
 of the world gets, you have to leave America because the Bush-happy whores who own all the
 media here are covering for the unelected-fraud by hiding the crimes of his adult children.

  Click  Here

 Kutcher adds: "The Bushes were underage-drinking at my house. When I checked outside,
 one of the Secret Service guys asked me if they'd be spending the night. I said no.

"And then I go upstairs to see another friend, and I can smell the green wafting out under his door.
 I open the door, and there he is, smoking out the Bush twins on his hookah."

 Those little sluts, before they were 21, were illegally drinking, smoking dope and spending the night
 with older Hollywood types that the GOP says are so very dangerous to America?

 No wonder the Bush good-puppy press covered up this story.

 If people knew the truth about the B.F.E.E and their drug/booze/casualsex habits,
 the Oil Monkey might lose those always-important evangelical dollars.

 We went back thirty years to investigate Clinton's zipper,
 but the current crimes of the Bushies always get ignored and buried.


 This whole   thing is going to work.
 Tommy Mack lands tomorrow. With this new Perkel set up, we're there!

  Is  worth $10 a month?

  Click  Here   to donate heavy.

 PayPal now accepts credit cards


 Today is Bart-technology day

 We had our boys in the lab construct a wormhole that enables instant MP3 transfers.
 If you haven't been listenting to those lame first attempts at radio because it takes too long
 to download on your slow-ass 56K modem, there's no longer any wait.  None at all!

 Christian helped me with a test last night, and she got instant sound - and she's on a Mac!

 So, as of today, May 13, 2003, all BartCop Radio clips will have our BartCop Wormhole
 technology, and as far as I know, nobody else had this.

 This is a BartCop exclusive unless everybody but me knew about this all this time.

 Click  Here   to hear Tally the BartCop Weather Vixen - just back from Mexico!

 Click  Here  to hear the first, smaller batch of phone calls

 Click  Here   to hear the second, longer batch of better calls

 I have another 20-30 calls in the pipeline, so don't give up if you haven't heard your call yet.

 Call  918-493-1500- you have two minutes to rant away.

 Did anything make you mad today?

Tell us about it!     918-493-1500

 Has anybody seen the bridge?

"Bart will be right back to open another can of whoop ass of some helpless ditto-monkey," or
"He has a hammer and he's not afraid to use it - Bart will be back after this,"  or
"Back from cleaning his big boots, BartCop is ready to dispatch another monkey," or
"I pity the fool who brings up 'Somalia' when Bart's in the house," ...stuff like that.

 Send your batches of snappy liners to 

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 Read the  Previous Issue

 It had  everything.

 Copyright © 2003,

  I see no harm in this picture - do you?

 Maybe someday Shirley will call to say "Hi!" on the Bart-Phone at 918-493-1500
 That would be cool.

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