Republican red-ass specialist
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PO Box 54466.Tulsa, OK 74155
J M Marshall
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"When I say I'm not answering questions, it
means I'm not going to answer questions.
But thank you for asking. I understand you're trying to do your job."
--Dubya, reminding the press that he's not accountable to anyone but Unka Dick
"I'm the most important person on Earth - I am God-like"
In an interview on MSNBC's Buchanan and Press, Crawford revealed a series of events that purportedly
occurred in the months prior to 9/11 which should have led the Bushies to suspect something was up. The
implication is that this administration could have prevented the attacks, but didn't because they failed to act.
Graham has consistently charged that they were more concerned about Saddam than bin Laden, but that
needn't worry the Bushies. After all, we are talking about an electorate that believes Saddam, not Osama,
was behind 9/11, the two villains having merged in the public's mind. Now, however, Graham is raising
the stakes, and his critique – if true – is a veritable sword of Damocles hanging over the heads of George
W. Bush and Karl Rove.
If Graham has evidence, he should reveal it to everyone with clearance.
If there's something in that report, is it patriotic to cover it up?
You can sign up now by clicking on this button.
We have a bookkeeping nightmare, but we will try to get thru it.
Sometimes people send $10 with a note that says "for BartCop Radio."
The new system allows for a manual conversion of that amount to a month of BCR,
but there are those who sent $3, $5, $15 or $17, (for which I'm very grateful) but odd
amounts are more difficult to convert, which causes my IQ of 64 to quiver and quake.
You know me - I'm not crazy enough to complain
about getting too many contributions, and I know
some of you are credit card-phobic, but right now I can't afford a secretary, or even a temp employee
to help with the conversions, so maybe during the transition, we can come up with an idea how to
handle individual, snail mail, month-to-month subscriptions.
if you have any ideas.
I need all the help I can get.
Joke from Debra R
Dubya swaggers into the Officers Club in his fighter pilot suit after a long, hard day of photo shoots.
He sits at a table with a group of fellow "fighter pilots" and
the men start swapping flying stories,
trying to out-do each other with their masculine prowess.
In a few moments, a very young, attractive waitress approaches
the table to take the men's orders.
Right away all the guys try to impress the sweet, young thing with their macho, fighter-pilot appearance.
Dubya, in particular, really goes overboard with the grinning and smirking.
The young lady, trying to act interested, casually mentions to
Dubya that she likes his pilot wings and
then asks him if there is any way that she could possibly get a pair of wings like that, too?
Dubya gives her the once over, leers at her slyly and in his best
Texas drawl says, "Now darling,
there's only two ways that you could possibly "earn" these wings. The first way is by completing
the most intensive, grueling, rigorous, flight training in all of the armed forces."
"The second way," he says, winking at her, "would be to sleep with a fighter pilot."
"Is that right?", she replies batting her eyelashes.
"Who did you sleep with to get yours?"
"One reason the tale leaked out was that some
conservatives who oppose gambling on moral grounds
were unhappy with Bennett. Another is that some casino officials were angry at the anti-gambling stance
of Bennett's organization, Empower America. "One of them described it to me as a Jimmy Swaggart-type
situation," Green says. "By day, Empower America was opposed to the expansion of gambling, and then
they'd see him there at 3 a.m. playing video slots." Once Green started poking around, "we wound up with
multiple sources in multiple casinos." But why is it news that Bennett is no saint? "There's a compelling case
to be made just on the hypocrisy alone," says Green. "A lot of people believe you can't pick on everyone
else's morality and then exempt the one area that you yourself want to indulge in. He's cutting himself a
break that he won't give to other people and other vices."
--Howard Kurtz, one of the biggest whores in a city of whores, Washington DC
Lawrence O'Donnel, part-time Democrat, said Bill Bennett (R-So much better then you) was such a whale,
the casinoes* delivered a $500 per chip slot machine to his room so he could gamble naked while drinking whiskey.
Still Alive and in Iraq, Chalabi says
Has Dim Son had a single success since he's been in office?
Pro-American Bush puppet Ahmad Chalabi said he had credible information that
Saddam and his two sons were still alive and in Iraq and plotting their comeback
On Saturday, an Arabic-language newspaper
published a letter from Saddam
in which he urged Iraqis to rise against the U.S. and British presence in Iraq.
In the six-page letter, Saddam also accused
Iraq's neighbors of facilitating his ouster.
He also threatened to reveal damning secrets against them.
But Saddam, why not tell us about your secret deals with Cheney and Rummy?
So is this how it’s going to be, then?
“The 75th Exploitation Task Force, as the group is formally known, has been described
from the start as the principal component of the U.S. plan to discover and display
forbidden Iraqi weapons. The group's departure, expected next month, marks a
milestone in frustration for a major declared objective of the war."
"What most of the commentators have missed--is
the apparent failure of our political culture to grasp
a distinction one would have thought was elementary, the core of our Constitution and its values, the
first principle taught in Democracy 101, namely, the difference between dissent and disloyalty...
It should by now be an old story that in the name of counter-subversion, those who did their best
(i.e., their worst) to put the alleged subversives out of business did more damage to the Republic
than the alleged subversives themselves.
--Victor Navasky, McCarthy's Secret Show
As I've said many times before, Mrs Bart is psychic and telekenetic.
It became worth my while to watch
Survivor with her, because while we're watching, if something happens that she doesn't like, a bolt of
psychic energy would swell up and knock me out of my La-Z-Boy like my name was Saul.
I started watching the show just to get a warning about the big-ass lightning bolts.
Jeff the Host opened last night's finale by personal water-crafting
into New York, giving a tasteful salute to the
(French built) Statue of Liberty, and then the big surprise. He took a subway to The Ed Sullivan Theater,
where Dave the Disintrested has turned his building over to the Survivor crew for the evening.
In the end, Jenna won over Matt.
That bolt threw me twelve feet into a wall.
I lost a tooth and dislocated my damn shoulder.
I'm too old to have that kinda stuff happen to me.
Maybe a tin foil helmet would help?
Click on banne for more
“At a time when the American
people and, indeed, the people of the world,
find that facts are in such short supply, this book is a must read. In times
such as these, the truth is one of the greatest of all casualties. This book
provides quick First Aid to those who seek relief from the propaganda
and disinformation that flood the major information channels.”
-- Cynthia McKinney, former U.S. Representative, Georgia,
Dixie-Chicked for telling the truth?
"We didn't have all these people in protective
suits for nothing...But if Iraq thought of
using such weapons there had to have been something to use. And we haven't found it.
Books will be written on that in the intelligence community for a long time."
--Army Col. Richard McPhee, Frustrated, U.S. Arms Team to Leave Iraq
Yeah, go ahead and blame "the intelligence community," ...because
we can't vote against them.
This was Operation Enduring Handjob from the very beginning and I said so many times in print.
Poor Dim Son was misled into thinking Saddam has WMD by
his daddy's CIA?
Are we all fucking nine years old? We're going to allow Bush to get away with this?
Are we going to allow this most blantant of all thefts to go unreported?
It was always about Bush stealing that oil, but the "free
press" no longer prints the truth.
The B.F.E.E. is taking over the world and nobody wants to state the obvious.
Son of a bitch! Doesn't anybody care?
Since the Oklahoma tequila treehouse predicted this months ago,
how can the "intelligence community" pretend they're surprised now?
"Bart, stop picking on Dubya.
He's my favorite president.
...and he's a war hero, too!
He looks great in uniform!"
(Bart has sudden urge to purge stomach contents.)
Senator, please resign your seat today - don't wait another day.
Please visit our sponsors
"I've been a machine for the big casinos."
-- Bill Bennett, as quoted by John McLaughlin broadcast 5/11/03
It’s time to dole out the red-ass to the
New York Stock Exchange and the Wall Street Journal, BartCop style!
BartCop Stocks is (almost) in the house. A hueueuge “thanks” to everyone who responded; it was a tough choice,
but we were lucky enough to have many great candidates!
We’ve selected Bill from OK and The Observer.
They’ll be working together to dazzle dozens
of BartCop readers with trenchant* commentary,
helpful information, and better than average HTML skills.
We’d also like to encourage bartcop.com
readers with an interest in the stock market to chime in with their analysis
and ideas. The page will be debuting soon; we’re looking forward to The Observer and Bill from OK’s inaugural issue!
*Head Start/public school graduate
Baron Dave Romm on Music For Moms
Bill Clinton in Syracuse
Dems on the FCC are warning of a major-reaming of the citizenry
Johnny Grant, the unofficial mayor of Hollywood, turned 80
Afghan women still wearing burqa's - they want to...
Carol Channing got married
Total eclipse of the moon Thursday
The Rolling Rock Town Fair
And the top 10 movies in North America
"The United States should lead the world
in the fight against poverty and infectious disease,
just as it has led the fight against terrorism. The way to do that is through international collaboration.
We should have a strong military; sometimes we have to use it. But over the long run, the trend line
will require us to make a safer world by cooperating with others."
Big Dog, to the graduating students of Syracuse University
If Clinton had been allowed to run for a third term, we wouldn't
be hated by every country on the planet,
the Twin Towers would still be there, New York would have 3,000 more citizens and the military
would have an additional 145 fighting men.
A Democrat fights back
Fiction, by Mike Palecek
Joe Coffee tells his wife that he’s thinking
about running for Congress.
"Coffee Joe" speaks out against prisons and the military and no one takes him seriously - at first.
Soon, terrified establishment politicians try to stop him.
Joe Coffee’s Revolution provides a refreshing alternative perspective.
Click Here to order your copy today.
[Palecek is a former reporter, federal prisoner, and seminarian.]
Also by Mike Palecek: Click Here
It has all the Bush AWOL facts and documents.
Subject: Nizzzze !
What the majority of Americans think about the illeagle thug ?
That's an odd question - even from a monkey.
What do you mean to say? Your sick eagle was arrested?
Oh, I get it - you're saying the majority
of Americans endorse the illegal thug, Bush?
They certainly didn't on election day 2000. Bush lost that vote, popular and electoral,
but he was appointed over the voter's wishes, anyway, remember? The Supreme Court
ruled that "counting the votes would cause permanant harm to petitioner Bush."
You call that an election?
You call that democracy?
That was a Cuban election, not an American election.
Who made you the knower of such things ?
It comes easy to me, and I'm not even that sharp.
I open my eyes, I see the facts, I make judgments and determinations.
You ought to give that a try sometime.
Hey , protester boy !
The majority of Americans would kick your skinny , drug addled ass
down the middle of the street just to get you to shut up !
That is factually incorrect.
The majority voted with me in November 2000, and I can beat up
most of the old people and the sick people and even some women.
And it's most definitely not true if you're talking about a debate
Are you the type of guy who could destroy me with rhetoric?
There's a free, quick and easy way to find out, but I'm guessing
"you have no time to waste on my ilk," am I right?
I'll tell you one thing - I could have you crying in less time
than it took you to compose your little monkey letter.
Take some advice , stay high , stupid ,
I'll plead guilty to the first two, but you're still no match
You and your ten smartest Republican chimp friends together have no chance.
I have a lot of experience in monkey wrangling, and I got pretty good at it.
And keep voting Democrat . Rotten little creep !!!!!!!!!!!!
Somebody's got his panties in a wad.
A monkey with a wedgie - that's a funny image.
Now shut up and go away or I'll take your banana.
bartcop.com hits are up 300 percent from a year ago
and bartcop.com advertising rates have been cut in half.
What a country!
Not only that, but radio ads start at $11
Great packages available, too, but only for a limited time.
"It's like they're asking you to bend over,
put your head
in the sand, and put a flag in your ass."
-- Janeane Garofalo
What? You don't have an ass-worthy flag?
In what was clearly a Barnum & Bailey photo-op for the reelection of President Knucklehead,
the lie was put out that the Commander-in-Chief had to land via jet fighter on the aircraft carrier
because it was too far out to sea for a helicopter to get there. Never mind how lights, cameras,
and coiffured bobble-headed reporters got there to cover the action. No, the President had to fly
via jet fighter, in full pilot's regalia. It was even hinted that the President was flying the fighter himself.
I presume that if you poll Americans, a
small majority would swear that President Knucklehead
landed the jet himself. You know the same percentage that blames Saddam for 9-11.
Subject: Subscriber = Contributor?? (Sending until you reply)
1) I am contributing primarily because of
the faith I have in you, but also because I intend
to listen from time to time. Your notice on the current page looks like I have to subscribe
as well as contribute if I want to hear anything.
I'm sure I don't have
to tell you that would be fucked up.
Maybe you should put a mention for your contributors to reassure them?
Rick, in February I walked away from my cushy, minimum wage job.
I did that because
the war was looming, contributions were up and my boss was about to embark on a full-time
project for me that would've all but killed my ability to produce the page - it was a gamble.
The first quote I received on radio expenses was $1350 per month,
with a $375 start up fee.
The second quote was $5000 to start, and then $750 per month.
If I was a rich Republican, I'd laugh and pay those fees without
asking for help. Since I'm not,
my options are limited to asking for contributions or returning to work. Actually, returning to work
isn't an option and we're at the five yard line with the radio thing so I'm rolling the dice and punching onward.
If you know of other alternatives, as Ross Perot said in a 1992 debate, "I'm all ears."
There are people who, over the last 28 months, have sent larger
than $5 or $10 donations.
It's my intention to grandfather them into the new radio system for free.
2) I am also contributing because I understood
that gave me better access to you.
But your email addresses seem to go nowhere. Please clarify.
I never meant to ignore you. Even the non-publicized mailboxes
are full and it's tough to keep up without help,
which is why the "Contact" page says to e-mail Christian if it's important or in the event I have to read something
right away. There have been times when important messages didn't reach me and some were very costly misses.
Hell, I may have had radio offers a year ago, but I'll never know until I go back and read each old piece of mail.
I'm trying to do my best and I appreciate your support.
A Bible passage Bill Bennett (R-Still smoking) needs to read.
Thanks to Karen S
Paid for by a bartcop.com reader
"Ellis Island Medals of Honour are usually
awarded to citizens of the United States who have distinguished
themselves, so would you please welcome to the podium, your favourite Yank and mine - Tony Blair!
What, you've never heard of the Medal for International Leadership? That's because, as a big thank-you
to our Tone for his 'steadfast support' since September 11, the awards committee invented it - in much the
same way as the Bush government invented the term 'non-lawful combatant' to enable them to lock up
without trial lots of scary men with big beards, and some kids, just in case. Tony's in good company - also
honoured this year, Michael Bolton, though it's not certain for what. International Leadership seems
doubtful. Contribution to music seems as unlikely."
--Eifion Rees, The Loop
going to work.
Tommy Mack lands Wednesday (not Thursday)
With this new Perkel set up, we're there.
Here to donate heavy.
PayPal now accepts credit cards
I am working very hard to get more phone calls up.
I have a five hour window today - that should do it.
Call 918-493-1500- you have two minutes to rant away.
Did anything make you mad today?
Tell us about it! 918-493-1500
Held over - to be sure everyone sees it.
"I know you've got reasons to be scared.
Fear is not a stupid emotion, and people who live without any fear
are often stupid. But people who are paralyzed by fear are unfailingly miserable and unsuccessful. Human
history has been a contest between the builders and the wreckers. Every single time, since people first rose
out of the African savanna a hundred thousand years ago, when it came down to it, the builders have prevailed.
The people who believed in our independence have prevailed, the people who believed in our common humanity
have prevailed. I want you to use your education to make sure that in the 21st century, we prevail."
--Bill Clinton, to the graduating students of Syracuse University
I remember what it's like to have a president who can string together
enough coherent words to inspire people.
That muck that was installed against the will of the voters can't say anything besides, "Saddam bad, tax cuts good."
From: Jeff S
The 'transition snippets'......they're
The music you use under your voice are called "beds".
The music you use to roll into commercials are called "bumpers".
The commercials are called "spot sets" or sometimes called "stop sets".
Cool - whatever they're called, I need a bunch of them.
Has anybody seen the bridge?
"Bart will be right back to open another can
of whoop ass of some helpless ditto-monkey," or
"He has a hammer and he's not afraid to use it - Bart will be back after this," or
"Back from cleaning his big boots, BartCop is ready to dispatch another monkey," or
"I pity the fool who brings up 'Somalia' when Bart's in the house," ...stuff like that.
Send your batches of snappy liners to
Use this portal and they'll throw bartcop.com four cents.
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
© 2003, bartcop.com
Maybe someday Shirley will call to say "Hi!" on the Bart-Phone
That would be cool.